When I was brand new to NovelAi I had no idea how 2048 tokens really looked as text. So for anyone looking at the tiers, trying to decide how many tokens they want for Clio with the new update, I've tokenized Part of The Great Gatsby by Scott Fitzgerald (public domain since 2021).
That way new users can more easily visualize what the AI's maximum context is for each tier. According to the UI Clio uses the NerdStash Tokenizer, as different tokenizers will convert text to tokens their own way.
------------------------
In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.
“Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”
He didn’t say any more, but we’ve always been unusually communicative in a reserved way, and I understood that he meant a great deal more than that. In consequence, I’m inclined to reserve all judgements, a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores. The abnormal mind is quick to detect and attach itself to this quality when it appears in a normal person, and so it came about that in college I was unjustly accused of being a politician, because I was privy to the secret griefs of wild, unknown men. Most of the confidences were unsought—frequently I have feigned sleep, preoccupation, or a hostile levity when I realized by some unmistakable sign that an intimate revelation was quivering on the horizon; for the intimate revelations of young men, or at least the terms in which they express them, are usually plagiaristic and marred by obvious suppressions. Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope. I am still a little afraid of missing something if I forget that, as my father snobbishly suggested, and I snobbishly repeat, a sense of the fundamental decencies is parcelled out unequally at birth.
And, after boasting this way of my tolerance, I come to the admission that it has a limit. Conduct may be founded on the hard rock or the wet marshes, but after a certain point I don’t care what it’s founded on. When I came back from the East last autumn I felt that I wanted the world to be in uniform and at a sort of moral attention forever; I wanted no more riotous excursions with privileged glimpses into the human heart. Only Gatsby, the man who gives his name to this book, was exempt from my reaction—Gatsby, who represented everything for which I have an unaffected scorn. If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life, as if he were related to one of those intricate machines that register earthquakes ten thousand miles away. This responsiveness had nothing to do with that flabby impressionability which is dignified under the name of the “creative temperament”—it was an extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely I shall ever find again. No—Gatsby turned out all right at the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the abortive sorrows and short-winded elations of men.
My family have been prominent, well-to-do people in this Middle Western city for three generations. The Carraways are something of a clan, and we have a tradition that we’re descended from the Dukes of Buccleuch, but the actual founder of my line was my grandfather’s brother, who came here in fifty-one, sent a substitute to the Civil War, and started the wholesale hardware business that my father carries on today.
I never saw this great-uncle, but I’m supposed to look like him—with special reference to the rather hard-boiled painting that hangs in father’s office. I graduated from New Haven in 1915, just a quarter of a century after my father, and a little later I participated in that delayed Teutonic migration known as the Great War. I enjoyed the counter-raid so thoroughly that I came back restless. Instead of being the warm centre of the world, the Middle West now seemed like the ragged edge of the universe—so I decided to go East and learn the bond business. Everybody I knew was in the bond business, so I supposed it could support one more single man. All my aunts and uncles talked it over as if they were choosing a prep school for me, and finally said, “Why—ye-es,” with very grave, hesitant faces. Father agreed to finance me for a year, and after various delays I came East, permanently, I thought, in the spring of twenty-two.
The practical thing was to find rooms in the city, but it was a warm season, and I had just left a country of wide lawns and friendly trees, so when a young man at the office suggested that we take a house together in a commuting town, it sounded like a great idea. He found the house, a weather-beaten cardboard bungalow at eighty a month, but at the last minute the firm ordered him to Washington, and I went out to the country alone. I had a dog—at least I had him for a few days until he ran away—and an old Dodge and a Finnish woman, who made my bed and cooked breakfast and muttered Finnish wisdom to herself over the electric stove.
It was lonely for a day or so until one morning some man, more recently arrived than I, stopped me on the road.
“How do you get to West Egg village?” he asked helplessly.
I told him. And as I walked on I was lonely no longer. I was a guide, a pathfinder, an original settler. He had casually conferred on me the freedom of the neighbourhood.
And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.
There was so much to read, for one thing, and so much fine health to be pulled down out of the young breath-giving air. I bought a dozen volumes on banking and credit and investment securities, and they stood on my shelf in red and gold like new money from the mint, promising to unfold the shining secrets that only Midas and Morgan and Maecenas knew. And I had the high intention of reading many other books besides. I was rather literary in college—one year I wrote a series of very solemn and obvious editorials for the Yale News—and now I was going to bring back all such things into my life and become again that most limited of all specialists, the “well-rounded man.” This isn’t just an epigram—life is much more successfully looked at from a single window, after all.
It was a matter of chance that I should have rented a house in one of the strangest communities in North America. It was on that slender riotous island which extends itself due east of New York—and where there are, among other natural curiosities, two unusual formations of land. Twenty miles from the city a pair of enormous eggs, identical in contour and separated only by a courtesy bay, jut out into the most domesticated body of salt water in the Western hemisphere, the great wet barnyard of Long Island Sound. They are not perfect ovals—like the egg in the Columbus story, they are both crushed flat at the contact end—but their physical resemblance must be a source of perpetual wonder to the gulls that fly overhead. To the wingless a more interesting phenomenon is their dissimilarity in every particular except shape and size.
I lived at West Egg, the—well, the less fashionable of the two, though this is a most superficial tag to express the bizarre and not a little sinister contrast between them. My house was at the very tip of the egg, only fifty yards from the Sound, and squeezed between two huge places that rented for twelve or fifteen thousand a season. The one on my right was a colossal affair by any standard—it was a factual imitation of some Hôtel de Ville in Normandy, with a tower on one side, spanking new under a thin beard of raw ivy, and a marble swimming pool, and more than forty acres of lawn and garden. It was Gatsby’s mansion. Or, rather, as I didn’t know Mr. Gatsby, it was a mansion inhabited by a gentleman of that name. My own house was an eyesore, but it was a small eyesore, and it had been overlooked, so I had a view of the water, a partial view of my neighbour’s lawn, and the consoling proximity of millionaires—all for eighty dollars a month.
Across the courtesy bay the white palaces of fashionable East Egg glittered along the water, and the history of the summer really begins on the evening I drove over there to have dinner with the Tom Buchanans. Daisy was my second cousin once removed, and I’d known Tom in college. And just after the war I spent two days with them in Chicago.
Her husband, among various physical accomplishments, had been one of the most powerful ends that ever played football at New Haven—a national figure in a way, one of those men who reach such an acute limited excellence at twenty-one that everything afterward savours of anticlimax. His family were enormously wealthy—even in college his freedom with money was a matter for reproach—but now he’d left Chicago and come East in a fashion that rather took your breath away: for instance, he’d brought down a string of polo ponies from Lake Forest. It was hard to realize that a man in my own generation was wealthy enough to do that.
Why they came East I don’t know. They had spent a year in France for no particular reason, and then drifted here and there unrestfully wherever people played polo and were rich together. This was a permanent move, said Daisy over the telephone, but I didn’t believe it—I had no sight into Daisy’s heart, but I felt that Tom would drift on forever seeking, a little wistfully, for the dramatic turbulence of some irrecoverable football game.
And so it happened that on a warm windy evening I drove over to East Egg to see two old friends whom I scarcely knew at all. Their house was even more elaborate than I expected, a cheerful red-and-white Georgian Colonial mansion, overlooking the bay. The lawn started at the beach and ran towards the front door for a quarter of a mile, jumping over sundials and brick walks and burning gardens—finally when it reached the house drifting up the side in bright vines as though from the momentum of its run. The front was broken by a line of French windows, glowing now with reflected gold and wide open to the warm windy afternoon, and Tom Buchanan in riding clothes was standing with his legs apart on the front porch.
He had changed since his New Haven years. Now he was a sturdy straw-haired man of thirty, with a rather hard mouth and a supercilious manner. Two shining arrogant eyes had established dominance over his face and gave him the appearance of always leaning aggressively forward. Not even the effeminate swank of his riding clothes could hide the enormous power of that body—he seemed to fill those glistening boots until he strained the top lacing, and you could see a great pack of muscle shifting when his shoulder moved under his thin coat. It was a body capable of enormous leverage—a cruel body.
His speaking voice, a gruff husky tenor, added to the impression of fractiousness he conveyed. There was a touch of paternal contempt in it, even toward people he liked—and there were men at New Haven who had hated his guts.
“Now, don’t think my opinion on these matters is final,” he seemed to say, “just because I’m stronger and more of a man than you are.” We were in the same senior society, and while we were never intimate I always had the impression that he approved of me and wanted me to like him with some harsh, defiant wistfulness of his own.
We talked for a few minutes on the sunny porch.
“I’ve got a nice place here,” he said, his eyes flashing about restlessly.
Turning me around by one arm, he moved a broad flat hand along the front vista, including in its sweep a sunken Italian garden, a half acre of deep, pungent roses, and a snub-nosed motorboat that bumped the tide offshore.
“It belonged to Demaine, the oil man.” He turned me around again, politely and abruptly. “We’ll go inside.”
We walked through a high hallway into a bright rosy-coloured space, fragilely bound into the house by French windows at either end. The windows were ajar and gleaming white against the fresh grass outside that seemed to grow a little way into the house. A breeze blew through the room, blew curtains in at one end and out the other like pale flags, twisting them up toward the frosted wedding-cake of the ceiling, and then rippled over the wine-coloured rug, making a shadow on it as wind does on the sea.
The only completely stationary object in the room was an enormous couch on which two young women were buoyed up as though upon an anchored balloon. They were both in white, and their dresses were rippling and fluttering as if they had just been blown back in after a short flight around the house. I must have stood for a few moments listening to the whip and snap of the curtains and the groan of a picture on the wall. Then there was a boom as Tom Buchanan shut the rear windows and the caught wind died out about the room, and the curtains and the rugs and the two young women ballooned slowly to the floor.
The younger of the two was a stranger to me. She was extended full length at her end of the divan, completely motionless, and with her chin raised a little, as if she were balancing something on it which was quite likely to fall. If she saw me out of the corner of her eyes she gave no hint of it—indeed, I was almost surprised into murmuring an apology for having disturbed her by coming in.
The other girl, Daisy, made an attempt to rise—she leaned slightly forward with a conscientious expression—then she laughed, an absurd, charming little laugh, and I laughed too and came forward into the room.
“I’m p-paralysed with happiness.”
She
------------------------
[Tablet: 3072 Tokens ]
------------------------
laughed again, as if she said something very witty, and held my hand for a moment, looking up into my face, promising that there was no one in the world she so much wanted to see. That was a way she had. She hinted in a murmur that the surname of the balancing girl was Baker. (I’ve heard it said that Daisy’s murmur was only to make people lean toward her; an irrelevant criticism that made it no less charming.)
At any rate, Miss Baker’s lips fluttered, she nodded at me almost imperceptibly, and then quickly tipped her head back again—the object she was balancing had obviously tottered a little and given her something of a fright. Again a sort of apology arose to my lips. Almost any exhibition of complete self-sufficiency draws a stunned tribute from me.
I looked back at my cousin, who began to ask me questions in her low, thrilling voice. It was the kind of voice that the ear follows up and down, as if each speech is an arrangement of notes that will never be played again. Her face was sad and lovely with bright things in it, bright eyes and a bright passionate mouth, but there was an excitement in her voice that men who had cared for her found difficult to forget: a singing compulsion, a whispered “Listen,” a promise that she had done gay, exciting things just a while since and that there were gay, exciting things hovering in the next hour.
I told her how I had stopped off in Chicago for a day on my way East, and how a dozen people had sent their love through me.
“Do they miss me?” she cried ecstatically.
“The whole town is desolate. All the cars have the left rear wheel painted black as a mourning wreath, and there’s a persistent wail all night along the north shore.”
“How gorgeous! Let’s go back, Tom. Tomorrow!” Then she added irrelevantly: “You ought to see the baby.”
“I’d like to.”
“She’s asleep. She’s three years old. Haven’t you ever seen her?”
“Never.”
“Well, you ought to see her. She’s—”
Tom Buchanan, who had been hovering restlessly about the room, stopped and rested his hand on my shoulder.
“What you doing, Nick?”
“I’m a bond man.”
“Who with?”
I told him.
“Never heard of them,” he remarked decisively.
This annoyed me.
“You will,” I answered shortly. “You will if you stay in the East.”
“Oh, I’ll stay in the East, don’t you worry,” he said, glancing at Daisy and then back at me, as if he were alert for something more. “I’d be a God damned fool to live anywhere else.”
At this point Miss Baker said: “Absolutely!” with such suddenness that I started—it was the first word she had uttered since I came into the room. Evidently it surprised her as much as it did me, for she yawned and with a series of rapid, deft movements stood up into the room.
“I’m stiff,” she complained, “I’ve been lying on that sofa for as long as I can remember.”
“Don’t look at me,” Daisy retorted, “I’ve been trying to get you to New York all afternoon.”
“No, thanks,” said Miss Baker to the four cocktails just in from the pantry. “I’m absolutely in training.”
Her host looked at her incredulously.
“You are!” He took down his drink as if it were a drop in the bottom of a glass. “How you ever get anything done is beyond me.”
I looked at Miss Baker, wondering what it was she “got done.” I enjoyed looking at her. She was a slender, small-breasted girl, with an erect carriage, which she accentuated by throwing her body backward at the shoulders like a young cadet. Her grey sun-strained eyes looked back at me with polite reciprocal curiosity out of a wan, charming, discontented face. It occurred to me now that I had seen her, or a picture of her, somewhere before.
“You live in West Egg,” she remarked contemptuously. “I know somebody there.”
“I don’t know a single—”
“You must know Gatsby.”
“Gatsby?” demanded Daisy. “What Gatsby?”
Before I could reply that he was my neighbour dinner was announced; wedging his tense arm imperatively under mine, Tom Buchanan compelled me from the room as though he were moving a checker to another square.
Slenderly, languidly, their hands set lightly on their hips, the two young women preceded us out on to a rosy-coloured porch, open toward the sunset, where four candles flickered on the table in the diminished wind.
“Why candles?” objected Daisy, frowning. She snapped them out with her fingers. “In two weeks it’ll be the longest day in the year.” She looked at us all radiantly. “Do you always watch for the longest day of the year and then miss it? I always watch for the longest day in the year and then miss it.”
“We ought to plan something,” yawned Miss Baker, sitting down at the table as if she were getting into bed.
“All right,” said Daisy. “What’ll we plan?” She turned to me helplessly: “What do people plan?”
Before I could answer her eyes fastened with an awed expression on her little finger.
“Look!” she complained; “I hurt it.”
We all looked—the knuckle was black and blue.
“You did it, Tom,” she said accusingly. “I know you didn’t mean to, but you did do it. That’s what I get for marrying a brute of a man, a great, big, hulking physical specimen of a—”
“I hate that word ‘hulking,’ ” objected Tom crossly, “even in kidding.”
“Hulking,” insisted Daisy.
Sometimes she and Miss Baker talked at once, unobtrusively and with a bantering inconsequence that was never quite chatter, that was as cool as their white dresses and their impersonal eyes in the absence of all desire. They were here, and they accepted Tom and me, making only a polite pleasant effort to entertain or to be entertained. They knew that presently dinner would be over and a little later the evening too would be over and casually put away. It was sharply different from the West, where an evening was hurried from phase to phase towards its close, in a continually disappointed anticipation or else in sheer nervous dread of the moment itself.
“You make me feel uncivilized, Daisy,” I confessed on my second glass of corky but rather impressive claret. “Can’t you talk about crops or something?”
I meant nothing in particular by this remark, but it was taken up in an unexpected way.
“Civilization’s going to pieces,” broke out Tom violently. “I’ve gotten to be a terrible pessimist about things. Have you read The Rise of the Coloured Empires by this man Goddard?”
“Why, no,” I answered, rather surprised by his tone.
“Well, it’s a fine book, and everybody ought to read it. The idea is if we don’t look out the white race will be—will be utterly submerged. It’s all scientific stuff; it’s been proved.”
“Tom’s getting very profound,” said Daisy, with an expression of unthoughtful sadness. “He reads deep books with long words in them. What was that word we—”
“Well, these books are all scientific,” insisted Tom, glancing at her impatiently. “This fellow has worked out the whole thing. It’s up to us, who are the dominant race, to watch out or these other races will have control of things.”
“We’ve got to beat them down,” whispered Daisy, winking ferociously toward the fervent sun.
“You ought to live in California—” began Miss Baker, but Tom interrupted her by shifting heavily in his chair.
“This idea is that we’re Nordics. I am, and you are, and you are, and—” After an infinitesimal hesitation he included Daisy with a slight nod, and she winked at me again. “—And we’ve produced all the things that go to make civilization—oh, science and art, and all that. Do you see?”
There was something pathetic in his concentration, as if his complacency, more acute than of old, was not enough to him any more. When, almost immediately, the telephone rang inside and the butler left the porch Daisy seized upon the momentary interruption and leaned towards me.
“I’ll tell you a family secret,” she whispered enthusiastically. “It’s about the butler’s nose. Do you want to hear about the butler’s nose?”
“That’s why I came over tonight.”
“Well, he wasn’t always a butler; he used to be the silver polisher for some people in New York that had a silver service for two hundred people. He had to polish it from morning till night, until finally it began to affect his nose—”
“Things went from bad to worse,” suggested Miss Baker.
“Yes. Things went from bad to worse, until finally he had to give up his position.”
For a moment the last sunshine fell with romantic affection upon her glowing face; her voice compelled me forward breathlessly as I listened—then the glow faded, each light deserting her with lingering regret, like children leaving a pleasant street at dusk.
The butler came back and murmured something close to Tom’s ear, whereupon Tom frowned, pushed back his chair, and without a word went inside. As if his absence quickened something within her, Daisy leaned forward again, her voice glowing and singing.
“I love to see you at my table, Nick. You remind me of a—of a rose, an absolute rose. Doesn’t he?” She turned to Miss Baker for confirmation: “An absolute rose?”
This was untrue. I am not even faintly like a rose. She was only extemporizing, but a stirring warmth flowed from her, as if her heart was trying to come out to you concealed in one of those breathless, thrilling words. Then suddenly she threw her napkin on the table and excused herself and went into the house.
Miss Baker and I exchanged a short glance consciously devoid of meaning. I was about to speak when she sat up alertly and said “Sh!” in a warning voice. A subdued impassioned murmur was audible in the room beyond, and Miss Baker leaned forward unashamed, trying to hear. The murmur trembled on the verge of coherence, sank down, mounted excitedly, and then ceased altogether.
“This Mr. Gatsby you spoke of is my neighbour—” I began.
“Don’t talk. I want to hear what happens.”
“Is something happening?” I inquired innocently.
“You mean to say you don’t know?” said Miss Baker, honestly surprised. “I thought everybody knew.”
“I don’t.”
“Why—” she said hesitantly. “Tom’s got some woman in New York.”
“Got some woman?” I repeated blankly.
Miss Baker nodded.
“She might have the decency not to telephone him at dinner time. Don’t you think?”
Almost before I had grasped her meaning there was the flutter of a dress and the crunch of leather boots, and Tom and Daisy were back at the table.
“It couldn’t be helped!” cried Daisy with tense gaiety.
She sat down, glanced searchingly at Miss Baker and then at me, and continued: “I looked outdoors for a minute, and it’s very romantic outdoors. There’s a bird on the lawn that I think must be a nightingale come over on the Cunard or White Star Line. He’s singing away—” Her voice sang: “It’s romantic, isn’t it, Tom?”
“Very romantic,” he said, and then miserably to me: “If it’s light enough after dinner, I want to take you down to the stables.”
The telephone rang inside, startlingly, and as Daisy shook her head decisively at Tom the subject of the stables, in fact all subjects, vanished into air. Among the broken fragments of the last five minutes at table I remember the candles being lit again, pointlessly, and I was conscious of wanting to look squarely at everyone, and yet to avoid all eyes. I couldn’t guess what Daisy and Tom were thinking, but I doubt if even Miss Baker, who seemed to have mastered a certain hardy scepticism, was able utterly to put this fifth guest’s shrill metallic urgency out of mind. To a certain temperament the situation might have seemed intriguing—my own instinct was to telephone immediately for the police.
The horses, needless to say, were not mentioned again. Tom and Miss Baker, with several feet of twilight between them, strolled back into the library, as if to a vigil beside a perfectly tangible body, while, trying to look pleasantly interested and a little deaf, I followed Daisy around a chain of connecting verandas to the porch in front. In its deep gloom we sat down side by side on a wicker settee.
Daisy took her face in her hands as if feeling its lovely shape, and her eyes moved gradually out into the velvet dusk. I saw that turbulent emotions possessed her, so I asked what I thought would be some sedative questions about her little girl.
“We don’t know each other very well, Nick,” she said suddenly. “Even if we are cousins. You didn’t come to my wedding.”
“I wasn’t back from the war.”
“That’s true.” She hesitated. “Well, I’ve had a very bad time, Nick, and I’m pretty cynical about everything.”
Evidently she had reason to be. I waited but she
------------------------
[Scroll: 6144 Tokens ]
------------------------
didn’t say any more, and after a moment I returned rather feebly to the subject of her daughter.
“I suppose she talks, and—eats, and everything.”
“Oh, yes.” She looked at me absently. “Listen, Nick; let me tell you what I said when she was born. Would you like to hear?”
“Very much.”
“It’ll show you how I’ve gotten to feel about—things. Well, she was less than an hour old and Tom was God knows where. I woke up out of the ether with an utterly abandoned feeling, and asked the nurse right away if it was a boy or a girl. She told me it was a girl, and so I turned my head away and wept. ‘All right,’ I said, ‘I’m glad it’s a girl. And I hope she’ll be a fool—that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.’
“You see I think everything’s terrible anyhow,” she went on in a convinced way. “Everybody thinks so—the most advanced people. And I know. I’ve been everywhere and seen everything and done everything.” Her eyes flashed around her in a defiant way, rather like Tom’s, and she laughed with thrilling scorn. “Sophisticated—God, I’m sophisticated!”
The instant her voice broke off, ceasing to compel my attention, my belief, I felt the basic insincerity of what she had said. It made me uneasy, as though the whole evening had been a trick of some sort to exact a contributory emotion from me. I waited, and sure enough, in a moment she looked at me with an absolute smirk on her lovely face, as if she had asserted her membership in a rather distinguished secret society to which she and Tom belonged.
Inside, the crimson room bloomed with light. Tom and Miss Baker sat at either end of the long couch and she read aloud to him from the Saturday Evening Post—the words, murmurous and uninflected, running together in a soothing tune. The lamplight, bright on his boots and dull on the autumn-leaf yellow of her hair, glinted along the paper as she turned a page with a flutter of slender muscles in her arms.
When we came in she held us silent for a moment with a lifted hand.
“To be continued,” she said, tossing the magazine on the table, “in our very next issue.”
Her body asserted itself with a restless movement of her knee, and she stood up.
“Ten o’clock,” she remarked, apparently finding the time on the ceiling. “Time for this good girl to go to bed.”
“Jordan’s going to play in the tournament tomorrow,” explained Daisy, “over at Westchester.”
“Oh—you’re Jordan Baker.”
I knew now why her face was familiar—its pleasing contemptuous expression had looked out at me from many rotogravure pictures of the sporting life at Asheville and Hot Springs and Palm Beach. I had heard some story of her too, a critical, unpleasant story, but what it was I had forgotten long ago.
“Good night,” she said softly. “Wake me at eight, won’t you.”
“If you’ll get up.”
“I will. Good night, Mr. Carraway. See you anon.”
“Of course you will,” confirmed Daisy. “In fact I think I’ll arrange a marriage. Come over often, Nick, and I’ll sort of—oh—fling you together. You know—lock you up accidentally in linen closets and push you out to sea in a boat, and all that sort of thing—”
“Good night,” called Miss Baker from the stairs. “I haven’t heard a word.”
“She’s a nice girl,” said Tom after a moment. “They oughtn’t to let her run around the country this way.”
“Who oughtn’t to?” inquired Daisy coldly.
“Her family.”
“Her family is one aunt about a thousand years old. Besides, Nick’s going to look after her, aren’t you, Nick? She’s going to spend lots of weekends out here this summer. I think the home influence will be very good for her.”
Daisy and Tom looked at each other for a moment in silence.
“Is she from New York?” I asked quickly.
“From Louisville. Our white girlhood was passed together there. Our beautiful white—”
“Did you give Nick a little heart to heart talk on the veranda?” demanded Tom suddenly.
“Did I?” She looked at me. “I can’t seem to remember, but I think we talked about the Nordic race. Yes, I’m sure we did. It sort of crept up on us and first thing you know—”
“Don’t believe everything you hear, Nick,” he advised me.
I said lightly that I had heard nothing at all, and a few minutes later I got up to go home. They came to the door with me and stood side by side in a cheerful square of light. As I started my motor Daisy peremptorily called: “Wait!”
“I forgot to ask you something, and it’s important. We heard you were engaged to a girl out West.”
“That’s right,” corroborated Tom kindly. “We heard that you were engaged.”
“It’s a libel. I’m too poor.”
“But we heard it,” insisted Daisy, surprising me by opening up again in a flower-like way. “We heard it from three people, so it must be true.”
Of course I knew what they were referring to, but I wasn’t even vaguely engaged. The fact that gossip had published the banns was one of the reasons I had come East. You can’t stop going with an old friend on account of rumours, and on the other hand I had no intention of being rumoured into marriage.
Their interest rather touched me and made them less remotely rich—nevertheless, I was confused and a little disgusted as I drove away. It seemed to me that the thing for Daisy to do was to rush out of the house, child in arms—but apparently there were no such intentions in her head. As for Tom, the fact that he “had some woman in New York” was really less surprising than that he had been depressed by a book. Something was making him nibble at the edge of stale ideas as if his sturdy physical egotism no longer nourished his peremptory heart.
Already it was deep summer on roadhouse roofs and in front of wayside garages, where new red petrol-pumps sat out in pools of light, and when I reached my estate at West Egg I ran the car under its shed and sat for a while on an abandoned grass roller in the yard. The wind had blown off, leaving a loud, bright night, with wings beating in the trees and a persistent organ sound as the full bellows of the earth blew the frogs full of life. The silhouette of a moving cat wavered across the moonlight, and, turning my head to watch it, I saw that I was not alone—fifty feet away a figure had emerged from the shadow of my neighbour’s mansion and was standing with his hands in his pockets regarding the silver pepper of the stars. Something in his leisurely movements and the secure position of his feet upon the lawn suggested that it was Mr. Gatsby himself, come out to determine what share was his of our local heavens.
I decided to call to him. Miss Baker had mentioned him at dinner, and that would do for an introduction. But I didn’t call to him, for he gave a sudden intimation that he was content to be alone—he stretched out his arms toward the dark water in a curious way, and, far as I was from him, I could have sworn he was trembling. Involuntarily I glanced seaward—and distinguished nothing except a single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock. When I looked once more for Gatsby he had vanished, and I was alone again in the unquiet darkness.
II
About halfway between West Egg and New York the motor road hastily joins the railroad and runs beside it for a quarter of a mile, so as to shrink away from a certain desolate area of land. This is a valley of ashes—a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges and hills and grotesque gardens; where ashes take the forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke and, finally, with a transcendent effort, of ash-grey men, who move dimly and already crumbling through the powdery air. Occasionally a line of grey cars crawls along an invisible track, gives out a ghastly creak, and comes to rest, and immediately the ash-grey men swarm up with leaden spades and stir up an impenetrable cloud, which screens their obscure operations from your sight.
But above the grey land and the spasms of bleak dust which drift endlessly over it, you perceive, after a moment, the eyes of Doctor T. J. Eckleburg. The eyes of Doctor T. J. Eckleburg are blue and gigantic—their retinas are one yard high. They look out of no face, but, instead, from a pair of enormous yellow spectacles which pass over a nonexistent nose. Evidently some wild wag of an oculist set them there to
------------------------
[Opus: 8192 Tokens ]
------------------------

Imagine walking into a burning building, and everyone laughs and tells you the fire’s all in your head. When no one believes you, are you going to stay to burn up with them? Every passenger in that crowd waiting to embark on the luxury cruise was already dead—they just didn’t know it yet! I stared through the windows of the terminal at the magnificent Seastar, at the broken glass and spatters of blood that only I could see… and then I fled.
Without warning a single soul.
What would have been the point? My name is Cassandra—I see death six days before it happens, and can feel it if I shake a cold hand—but no matter what I do, I can never, ever prevent it.
My flight took me as far as the escalators before a flash of purple brought me screeching to a halt. Lily Tsuki? No—it wasn’t the purple-haired musician who’d given me with cruise gift card. But suddenly I remembered how I’d been looking forward to hearing her performance aboard this very vessel…
Oh God…
It was one thing to turn my back on doomed strangers. Terrible as it sounds, it’s a bit like reading about a catastrophe in the news. Quite another thing to abandon somebody I knew! Could I really leave her to become one of the bodies putrefying in the belly of the Seastar? Every time I ordered a drink at my favorite bar, I’d remember I hadn’t even tried to save her!
“Fuck!” I cried, fumbling for my phone. “Oh, fuck me sideways… how much time…?”
Ninety minutes.
Ninety minutes to get on board, find the musician, and… what? Convince her to disembark?
How?
And yet my feet were already turning toward the gangplank—because as it turns out, I would rather plunge headlong into a ship full of the rotting dead than face an empty piano bench and the guilt that no amount of alcohol would ever drown. But to have any chance at persuading Lily, I’d need to know how the passengers died. This meant that in addition to finding a purple-haired needle in a Titanic-sized haystack, a horrifying task loomed ahead of me. I was going to have to do something I had not done in a very long time—plunge directly into my vision. Walk into its very maw and face whatever gruesome horrors lurked at the source of that nauseating odor.
I was going to have to find the bodies…
… and whatever killed them.
Boarding
The stench was so overpowering after crossing the gangplank that I dropped to my knees and dry heaved. The flow of passengers moved around me past the concierge desk. I must have looked exceptionally sick, because a pretty girl in a suit skirt approached, asking if I needed assistance. She reached out a hand to help me up—cold!
I staggered away from her and inside. Then—because I felt I might throw up—quickly found my way out to the promenade deck and the blessed breeze.
Lifeboats hung overhead. Beyond the rail, the sea sparkled in the afternoon sun. Cushioned loungers lined the deck. None were in use, presumably because the pool, patio, spa, and other amenities on the upper decks had much more attractive areas for lounging. I leaned against the rail and gulped the air, listening to the waves splash against the side of the boat, noting blood spatters further down—but nothing signifying the cause of the blood. Just vague signs of violence.
After circling the entire promenade deck and spotting only the occasional bloody spatters, I gritted my teeth, pulled my shirt collar up over my nose, and plunged into the nearest door.
The Seastar’s interior had the atmosphere of a luxury hotel. People milled about the restaurant and shopping area, buzzing with excitement, talking about cabaret shows and fine dining, while perky crew members answered questions, all perfectly oblivious to the putrid sweet rotting stench. I’d most likely find Lily Tsuki at the piano lounge, but since I didn’t yet have any plausible explanation for what had happened to the passengers, I continued wandering, entering a bustling café overlooking the ship’s grand staircase. Stepping over an enormous blood stain on the carpet, I passed the counter, nauseated by the fancy pastries behind their glass cases, peering among the tables and chairs. Paused when I spotted an eyeball in a teacup. No trace of how it got there. No body with an empty socket. Just the eyeball, swirling in a congealed bloody jelly at the bottom of the cup…
I scurried away, snatching a cloth napkin to cover my nose.
The interior darkened as I ascended the central staircase. No electricity, I noted as I clutched the railing. Why would the power be cut? A storm?
But storms don’t scoop out eyeballs with a dessert spoon….
Coming onto deck 6, I peered down a long, dim corridor lined with passenger cabins. To passengers coming and going, the hall was illuminated by electric lighting—but since I was seeing the ship six days in the future, the narrow hallway vanished into blackness. With no way to enter the cabins, and nothing much to see here or in the other dimmed halls of the passenger decks, I ascended until I reached the pool.
Pool Deck
Deck 9 opened to wide panoramic windows, dining, a spa, and of course the pool. I emerged outdoors with relief, removing the napkin from my nose as the sea breeze gave some respite from the odor.
Around me, people partied in bikinis and beachwear and suits, sipping all manner of drinks around the sky-blue swimming pool. A young woman stretched on a blood-spattered lounger, oblivious to the gore beneath her tanned figure. A few bodies floated among the swimmers, bloated and discolored. My vision shimmered briefly as a teen boy swam right through one of the bodies, splashing as if it were not there. My heart lurched when I realized that it was his own, albeit dressed in different clothes—
“Oof!” I grunted as a small figure bashed into me, her arm grazing mine.
“Sorry!” cried a little girl in a pink swimsuit, bolting by as her mother yelled at her to watch out for people.
I tried not to think of how cold the little girl’s arm felt. Counted the bodies: eight in the pool. One by the towel bin, head caved in. I made a circuit of the pool, occasionally brushing against people—cold, cold, cold.
No survivors, it seemed.
But why?
That was when I spotted a shirtless old man sitting at a table under an umbrella. I froze, goosebumps prickling along my skin. Unlike the floaters, there was no obvious reason for his death. His back was to me, the bare skin of his shoulders gray and blotchy. In his hand he held a broken drinking glass. He was positioned in repose… so what killed him?
My heart quickened as I moved round to the front of him.
His mouth hung open, shards of glass and a mangled tongue lolling out, crimson trailing down his shirt front. The source of the chewed glass was obvious—the cup in his hand was broken, its jagged edges bloody.
He’d died choking on the glass.
“What the fuck is happening here?” I whispered.
Forward Stairwell
The jogging track and the sundeck—decks 10 and 11—offered a stunning bird’s eye of the pool and ocean, but I did not stop to take this in as I circled to the bow, opting to take the forward stairs down, rather than central.
The stench hit me like a cloud.
I had to stop as I descended into the dim stairwell, clinging to the railing, doubled over, gagging. It was so so bad. My eyes watered. My stomach bucked. And it was dark. Thank God for my phone’s flashlight. I fumbled it on and, napkin firmly over my nose, plunged down into the depths… The phone’s thin illumination flashed along the carpeted stairwell and the hall of the first of the passenger decks. I kept descending. Paused at an unidentifiable slick red mound. I was examining it under my light when a crewmember jogged up to me and asked, “Lose something, miss?” “Just my marbles,” I muttered, shooing the crew member away and inadvertently brushing his hand. Cold. I turned my attention back to the mound.
A slimy pile of intestines on the stairwell… trailing down to a disemboweled body.
Intestines… eyeballs… eating broken glass… nothing about this makes sense! I swiveled the beam to check further downward.
That was when I found the source of the odor.
My path down was obstructed by a mass of bodies. The ones underneath seemed to have been trampled, but the ones on top… I squeezed my watering eyes and retched against the wall. Some of the bodies bore horrible mutilations—fingers bent and twisted, joints out of alignment, faces smashed in and jaws torn open. Many more appeared to have been crushed in the press of bodies. Best guess, there was a wave of panicked people rushing upstairs from below, colliding with a wave of others fleeing down from above.
Why this staircase? What was near this part of the ship?
The cabaret lounge, I realized. No electricity. No elevators. This was the nearest stairwell to the auditorium.
Closer. I was inching closer to uncovering the fates of the passengers. And yet, I still had no idea what the passengers were fleeing from. Who were the attackers? Or… I thought of the eyeball. The glass chewed and swallowed.
An icy pinprick at the base of my skull whispered the question I didn’t want to ask…
Why? Why did some of the passengers go mad, and do it to themselves?
Piano Bar
I took the long way round to the cabaret theatre, going all the way back up the stairs and coming down on the central staircase, only to detour on hearing the notes of a piano. I found myself in a cozy lounge and spotted a purple-haired figure at the keys. And just in time—the ship was due to depart in less than half an hour!
“Lily!” I rushed over.
The musician’s face lit. “Oh it’s you, friend! You made it!”
“You’ve got to get off the ship!”
“Off the—”
“I know it seems crazy but you’ve got to! Everyone on board is going to die—I’ve seen it because I’m psycho!” I heard it a second later and smacked my forehead. “I mean—psychic! PSYCHIC!! I can see the future.” At her scrunched eyebrows, I burst, “Look I know how I sound, but I’ve been able to see things since I was a little girl, and I am telling you that this ship is going to go dark! The engines will cut out! People are going to flee and trample each other on that forward staircase…” Launching into a rapid-fire recounting, I was just getting to the eyeball in the teacup when she interrupted:
“You’re afraid of some sort of terrorist attack?”
“No, no! No! It’s almost like… a kind of madness, a contagion, that spreads through the ship—”
“A zombie apocalypse?”
“Not zombies…”
“Poltergeists? Possession?” She played a riff from a horror movie. “Should we call an exorcist?”
“We should leave!” I checked my phone. “Quickly!—"
“What an odd duck you are! I can’t imagine any sort of catastrophe as big as you’re saying. You know this ship has tons of safety protocols. And even if I did believe some disaster were drawing near—do you really think I could abandon crowds and crew?” She looked at me over her glasses, shimmering purple lips curving in a smile. “Listen friend, if this were the Titanic and I was the only one who could see the iceberg, I’d stay to steer us right, not run off leaving everyone to die!”
Icy fingers raked along my spine. Even if she wasn’t taking me seriously, she was right—I did have a moral obligation to save people. An obligation I’d been trying to fulfill ever since I was a little girl, until the attempt killed my brother, and even after, I kept trying for years and years…. until at last I realized that there is no way to change anything. That is why I call myself Cassandra. For the Greek prophet doomed to predict the future but never be believed. Try and prevent what I’ve foreseen? You might as well try and pluck the stars from the sky!
Every hand I’d touched was cold. Everyone on board would die.
My fists balled, fingernails digging so hard into my palms they bled. “You really have no idea what you’re asking of me…”
“Oh, I’m not telling you to stay. I’m just explaining why I have to. Besides, I’m under contract.” She winked and focused on her playing as guests entered and sat at nearby tables.
She had no idea! None whatsoever! If I thought there was even a sliver of a hope, I wouldn’t abandon people! Oh, if this happy-go-lucky musician understood the futility!!
But she will, came another, darker thought. She will know the full depth of the horror coming…
“No,” I whispered.
“Huh?” She shouted, “Wait—friend, where are you going?”
But I was not listening. The cabaret theatre—was the answer there? The reason for the crush of bodies in the forward stairwell? I rushed past the cafe with the eyeball in the teacup, through the grand doors into the cabaret hall—
—but the cabaret hall was surprisingly quiet, save for a light touch of classical music. A few passengers mingled here or there, unnoticing of the cadavers draped on chairs and tables. The stage itself was pristine, the wood smooth and polished in the fading orange light through the windows. Apparently, the origin of the panicked flight up the forward stairwell was not this grand entertainment venue—nothing here supported that theory.
Nonetheless, I gave the place a thorough search until my phone’s battery ran low, and then I returned to the grand staircase.
In one direction lay passenger cabins. In the other, the gangplank back to the port terminal and safety.
“It’s not too late to be a coward, Cass,” I said. “Run from the ship, run from the empty piano bench at the bar, find a different, cheaper hole in the wall to crawl into like—like the cockroach you are…”
Always the survivor, eh…?
Or… or, I could try just one more time. “‘Hope,’” my brother always said, “is the thing with feathers.”
And look what happened to him! flashed through my mind. My heart slammed against my ribcage. I’d just die too, unless I left in the next—how many minutes? I checked my phone, but it was dead. Like I would be if I stayed.
A horn sounded the Seastar’s departure. A distant cheer rose up from the upper decks and balconies. I felt a brief panicky impulse to run back out on deck and throw myself off the ship… but in truth, my fate had already been decided before the ship’s horn blew. I hadn’t been paying attention earlier, but I’d been rubbing and rubbing my hands, and finally realized they were cold. Probably had been since I’d boarded. I shuffled leaden feet toward the passenger cabins, guided by my phone’s light to the brass number plate for 4044—my cabin. Reached for the knob and stopped.
That smell—dread squeezed my intestines like a wet rag.
Smoke. Burnt meat.
I wrinkled my nose and opened the door.
Orange rays shone through the window, the sunset so vivid it almost gave the illusion that the room was on fire. The walls and ceiling were charred. The edges of the mattress and sheets a smoldered ruin. But the worst damage was the small sofa by the coffee table. Broken bottles scattered round. And there on the sofa—
My fingers went limp on the door handle as I stared into melted sockets of a body charred beyond recognition. A dark line encircled its wrist. The blackened remnants of a charm bracelet.
My bracelet.
While the man on the pool deck swallowed glass, I would succumb to the insanity here, dousing myself in alcohol and flame—
—immolating myself.
[Part 1]

[←Chapter 60] [Cover Art] [My Links] [Index] [Discord] [Subreddit] [Chapter 61→]
“One of the cornerstones of understanding the nature of Nieth and Hebeen is understanding their strange religion, or religions, as the case may be. In that previous phrase, we touch upon the issue at question. Does Nieth even have a religion, as we, the followers of the Lost, blessed be them, would understand it? Already, the initial impression is strange - rather than worshipping a pantheon of gods, as is wide-spread throughout the continent, they worship one, yet all.
It might help to touch upon some relevant history, as well as some examples to illustrate the roots of such a foreign concept.
Nieth, as far as we can seek, has its roots in a nomadic peoples that travelled the great desert that wraps around its northern half. These were unlike the brutish and savage people of our own northern flood plains, more like the mystical but lowly Vieatta from the mountains past them. Still, it was enough for them to carry on the advanced and civil arts of poetry and music.
It’s within those that they encoded much of their history from early days, although without the advent of writing which other societies wisely use, some of it was subject to mythologization. Regardless, life by all accounts was strenuous out on the sands, and the sacred was pushed aside for the practical. From the practical needs of water and shade there appeared to arise a new religion, one that enfolded all primitive others within its arms as emanation of ‘Embass Aliyah’, or ‘The One and Truth’.
This may provide some illumination to the reader who may have heard of Nieth’s ‘acceptance’ of our Faith.
Within this one, unifying principle, people gravitated to the Oasis of Nieth, which was a popular way station for trade and rest. Many of the historians I have engaged suggest that the principle of ‘The One’ was a major factor in the formation Nieth as a societal centre, as well as the establishment of the Nine Princely Families. The fact that the scions of the Nine Families that I’ve had the fortune to interview claim vastly different patrons between them supports this.
The current ‘landscape’ as it were, for the religion of Neith is roughly as follows:
Perhaps one in five are adherents of our own Faith. Most, that is to say, three in five, worship the traditional, normal pantheon of Nieth, which is also the religion of the ruling prince. In addition, the sisterhood who administer Hebeen, the city of children, are drawn from this majority faith. More details on the various gods and their descriptions is enclosed in the following chapter. The remaining are split between various small and often foreign denominations, including some faiths from the First Lands.
Of these, there are two that bear special mention. The first is the actual seat of the ‘pure’ faith of ‘The One and Truth. It is a relatively small, if quite beautiful temple in the Seat of the Nine. The high priest (‘teacher-guide’ as he refers to himself) was gregarious and pleased to answer my various questions through a translator. Despite being the nominal religion of Nieth, its principles underlying the whole of the society, its actual numbers of worshippers are small. A potential reason for this is the second faith of note.
This is a separate derivation of the principles of ‘The One’ and seemingly the older of the two. It is the principal faith of the various nomadic peoples that wander the Plague Dunes of Nieth. As their account goes, the principle of ‘The One’ was revealed to the forebears of the Nine Families out in the northern deserts. The families had planted and grown an oil-bush to an impossible size (presumably why it is referred to as a tree in oral retellings), often feeding it with cruel blood sacrifices from other enemy tribes.
One night, either nine generations, nineteen, or ninety nine, depending on which account you receive, the oil tree burned. For those that know anything about oil bush, they will know it burns with a fearsome light due to the eponymous liquids within. In this case, such was the magnitude of the tree and blaze that the volatile oils exploded outwards. The founders of the Nine Families, who held council around the tree when camped in the locale, were covered in the oils.
This crude anointment, while horribly disfiguring them all, supposedly imparted revelation to them about the nature of ‘The One’. As such, the faith of ‘The One’ is strongly rooted in the depths of the desert, and many of its more zealous adherents are to be found out among the dunes, navigating the toxic and dangerous environs using methods not understood even among the Neith city-dwellers.
Hence, most of the faithful of ‘Embass Aliyah’ leave Nieth and its surrounding fiefs to live with the nomads from which their faith originated. While the high priest does not concede the idea that ‘The One’ would have a special connection to the desert, for it exists everywhere equally, he considers it understandable for people desiring to live the savage life of their ancestors. Even so, one can observe the imprint the desert has left upon the primitive church, the icon of the oil tree being central to their architecture and symbolism.
To illustrate the devouring nature of this faith, one can examine one of the most famous events in the history of Nieth, which led to the founding of its sister-city Hebeen. For those that take such an interest in the regions of the south, you might quickly realise that one of the title gods of the majority faith shares the same name as a Karkosian deity -‘Viethustra, The Bloody Handed God’.
By all accounts as brutal as he is cunning, he is also the god that provides for the administration of justice. Though all of these gods are of course false as we understand them, one can find an interesting parallel with the origins of Nieth as a society. An astounding number of original texts survive from those haydays, often reflective accounts of the events by those who lived them.
Supposedly this adoption into the widely recognized pantheon traces to the great conflagration that consumed Nieth some four hundred years ago. This destruction particularly devastated the child population of the city. The reigning prince, after the fires had been quenched, ordered the formation of Hebeen, the city of children. Thereafter, almost all children of Neith of age are sent to cross the Aderhajj mountains, and come out into a place where they live and play together, under the watchful eyes of servants of Viethustra and the Dusky Sister.
Another example, far more contemporary, is that of the Yumyaq, the nightly processions of songs, hymns and poetry recitations. The overall effect is hardly like the organised harmonies of our own choirs, and often subject and song clash in the air of cities. However, it is the general belief that such a task is essential for the preservation of Embass Aliyah. It may be universal, but its claimed emanations, which is to say, every religious being in the world, are bound to locations.
So, this discordant din is, in a sense, a spiritual beacon, for the gods to return home, over the land and sea to Nieth. It is perhaps better explained by the high priest of Embass Aliyah, who suggests that it is more of a reminder. Namely, a reminder that the gods all exist within the embrace of Embass Aliyah, and that they will always be worshipped in Nieth.
Out of all the strangest tenets of the faiths of Nieth, this is perhaps the most offensive to those learned. Not only would it implicitly suggest that they have solved the most important theological question of the Lost Ones (i.e. ‘where they were lost’), but also the term ‘Yumyaq’ (‘Of gods’ or ‘godly’ depending on usage) is questionable in itself.
Indeed, the derivation of the term, as far as I can trace it, is actually a title given to the city itself.
‘Yumyaq Al-Nieth’. Or, to translate the crude language, ‘The Watering’ or ‘Resting Place of the Gods’.
​
An Account of Nieth and Its Civilization
Except from Chapter 4: Faith and Religion
Brother Amelius Jacobino, Eps., Brotherhood of The Shaded Path
UNDER ORDER OF REVIEW - OFFICE OF THE HIGH LUTICIENT
​
It was an all too normal day, for all of its stresses, or at least, so Yemassa thought. The merchant trudged through the street, his bag of wares heaped high upon his back. That was just about the only thing that was abnormal - his big request. It was an unusually large order of various herbs, spices, and raw plant products that his small farm cultivated. While his handful of workers were busy harvesting gemsing, hot peppers, and the spiky amanas plant, he was carrying the last of the stock into Nieth proper.
The long, squat buildings had their dark windows shuttered against the afternoon sun. Despite that, many of the various city merchants and their clientele were happy to host conversation and commerce. Indeed, they were rushing to do so, considering that the Yumyaq was almost upon them. Once the sacred hour of sunset had passed, no commerce would be allowed, at least no formal commerce.
The activity was abuzz in most parts of the city, especially since the complete rout their forces had enjoyed to the north. Some raiding legion from across the sea had challenged the might of Nieth and learned a hard lesson. Yemassa wasn’t much aware of the details, though like every good citizen, felt a certain pride at the rumour of crushing victory. More importantly, excitement usually meant people’s pursestrings grew a little looser.
The thought hot on his heels, Yemassa drove himself forwards. The request had been a surprise, both in magnitude and in source. He was headed towards one of the inner, higher districts where the wealthy were congregating. He climbed the freshly cleaned steps to one of the upper roads, finding it mostly clear of people, save those that were stall-shopping.
Onwards and upwards he climbed, going up the various footpaths carved out by hundreds of tromping feet over the years. He had to take care to avoid the various pebbles and small scrub brushes that nipped at his wrapped feet however. Finally, he made it to one of the smaller winding district streets, which spat him out in one of the quieter streets. A bend and a twist in the route later, he managed to find his way into the courtyard of the commissioner.
He was greeted by two separate maid servants who helped him unpack and ferried the goods to where they needed to go. To further the shocking nature of the encounter, the client, a woman devout enough to wear a veil over her face, came out to speak to him directly. He knelt before her, refusing to lift his eyes even against her insistence that he need not be so formal.
She even deigned to discuss business, inquiring after his holdings and what kind and how much of his products he grew. He answered with as much humility as he thought was safe, and found a receptive customer at the other end. He had to keep himself from jumping up with excitement when she casually suggested he recommend his services to friends. Only when she returned to the inside did he spring away, walking back down the hill with significantly more energy then he’d climbed.
Just before he scampered off the road and onto the various footpaths that led down to the main thoroughfare, he caught a glimpse of the far cliffs between the houses. It would be sunset soon, he knew, and if he waited for just a few more minutes, they would turn a golden red in the evening. The others would manage just fine without him for a little while longer, he was sure.
So, making his way between the various alleys of the neighbourhood, he clambered out onto a shelf of rock. This was both a better and more precarious view, given the drop of several hundred hands into another quarter already in shadow below. It had been the site of an old mine, he thought, although his knowledge of the older parts of the city was not completely up to snuff.
He hunkered down on a rock a handful of paces from the edge, crossed his legs, and waited. Soon enough, the sun lowered in the cliffs behind him, the skies awash with the evening haze. This was a good spot, he’d have to remember it when he desired a good view of the city. From here, he could see most of the northern quarters, as well as the great central sprawl of the city running from left up to right.
At the very top of the city to the right stood the palace of the Nine Families. As Yemassa watched, its nonagon concentric layers of domes and spires, one for each generation he recalled, began to glimmer a pinkish hue. As the shadows below his feet began to stretch out to cover districts by the dozen, the northern cliffs seemed awash in fire.
Before he had much of a time to enjoy it, however, he heard the first lilting notes. The plucking of strings, the beat of rabbit-skin drums, the raised voices all started from below. He recognized some of the tunes that began the Yumyaq, songs of the working man and woman mostly about hard days in the fields or jungle. He smiled, the notes recalling fond memories of his own family, though he generally heard less of them now.
It was with a start that he realised that meant he had spent nearly a half hour on the ridge. As more elaborate poetry in service to one god or another began to drift behind him, joining the din from below, he scrambled. Thrusting the pack onto his shoulders, he took one last chance to survey his city as the cliffs shone their fiery colours. The din of the Yumyaq, the song of bountiful Nieth, rose to the heavens, calling across the brushlands and jungle to the distant sea, to carry the gods home.
It was a good sound, a familiar sound, the sound of home to him as well as those distant divine beings. Before he could turn his heel and walk down to the footpaths that would take him home, however, he found something tickling the edge of his vision. He squinted at the far cliffs, red and magenta, with hints of orange and yellow among the craggy faces.
He squinted further, trying to determine what exactly had drawn his attention.
It took him a half-minute more to determine that a flickering, bluish light was moving this way and that in the shadows of a cliff face. That was certainly odd, he thought as he watched the barely visible speck hover in place.
It only became odder when a second, yellowish light joined it.
It became alarming when a dozen, then two dozen, then hundreds of multicoloured lights joined it. The shadows it had inhabited vanished a glow of yellow and blue as they seemed to get bigger. They were getting bigger, Yemassa realised, as little tendrils and flakes began to shoot up above the cliffs in the sunset haze. Reds, purples, greens, but predominantly yellows and blues floated like petals on the wind.
There was a deep rumbling at the edge of his hearing, not powerful enough to shake the ground, but enough to send a wave through his feet. Fear lanced through him as he watched them grow brighter and larger until…
With an explosion of colour and light, a great torrent, like a spring pouring forth from a crevasse, vomited out and up. Yembassa watched as a swirling mass, a comet coming down to earth, shot forward across the city. As he watched it streak towards his position, frozen with shock, pieces of the light flaked off, drifting almost lazily down toward the city.
A piece of Yembassa recognized the locale - the school quarter, where most of the children would just be running out of classes. The scholars and priests studying long hours into the night, preparing to defend themselves against peers, or to present a proposal to the Prince-in-Reign.
There was a flash so bright he had to turn his eyes away.
When he looked back, the minarets and walls of the school districts were drowned under a sea of flames. More flashes followed, bits and pieces of the great comet delivering the biggest explosions he’d ever seen as they made contact with the ground.
Yembassa’s legs finally managed to unlock as the first screams began to drift up to him on suddenly scorching air. He realised numbly that half the city was burning in a matter of moments, and that the comet was shooting straight towards him. He turned to run, yet something drew his eyes around even as his legs pumped.
The mass turned just in time, streaking below the cliff line, where the old mine entrances had been, he thought. A small spine of hope poked through his terror.
Slowly, slowly, wavering from side to side in gentle, periodic motion, the molten feather drifted down, down, to touch the rocks where he’d been sitting.
Then there was light, and sound, and a heat that melted his eyes out of their sockets and tore him limb from limb.
[←Chapter 60] [Cover Art] [My Links] [Index] [Discord] [Subreddit] [Chapter 61→]

Just took my dug test today for a new job today. so here's how i did it.
it was around 12:40 i warmed up the 2 bottles (standard shape bottle i got from a smoke shop QF 6.3) (the hourglass shaped QF 6.3 one i got from https://quickfixurine.com/ took i think about 2-3 days to arrive) i heated the bottles at 10-13 secs opened 1 hand warmer while at it. Then i wore 2 pairs of underwear then taped the leg opening of the under wear shut to my legs so it wouldnt fall out then put the 2nd pair of underwear on and then had kinda thick cotton shorts on over it. then i was on my way to the first clinic at around 2pm i went in and they said they arent able to do drug screenings until tomorrow so i was like fuckkk. called my new employer about it then they told me to go to Concentra which was about 15-20mins away. i arrive to Concentras parking lot did a Temp check with the Temperature stick (check photo) then pour a little fake pee into a tiny cup i had and used a drug test kit i got from the dollar store everything check out. The Temp was at 96F so i put the hand warmer on and tucked in my between my nuts and upper thigh and went in. told the worker there im here for a pre employment test they had me fill out paper work and sat for about i wanna say like less then 15mins. i was then bring to the back made me empty my pockets had (had the 2 QF 6.3 Bottles on me) told me to pee to the line which was the whole bottle. but before i went they didnt even put the blue dye in the toliet and i questioned it and the person said "oh its alright just dont flush" so i went in pour the QF in the cup also while (real pee) into the toilet. came out person checked the temp never questioned the QF in the Ecup then the person put it in the ECUP tester thing and had me sign off on the cup and paper and i was on my out. MY Question is since this was a Ecup rapid 5 panel test is it instant or does i have to be sent out the lab?
https://preview.redd.it/s5k201fbfh4b1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a07621d8a253d24eed8856337ae0ede068665274

The first indication that the Gnome God arrived was my Emperor's growing tension.
There was no fear in his eyes, only rage and hatred. He gripped his spear tightly as a short Humanoid being walked down our street toward us.
"Well, look who finally found his way out of a measly cave." He spoke with a smile.
He was perhaps slightly taller than us, but not much, dressed in bright colors, a sword at his hip, and the weirdest fucking moustache/beard combination I'd ever seen. Beneath his veneer of joyful exuberance was curiosity, and just below that, the faintest smoldering of anger.
"I have been found and freed." My Emperor spoke plainly. "And now Humans mimic your holy ritual in the hopes that you will eradicate us, just like you did during the Dawn Age."
"Yes, one of my finer pranks." Garl remarked, stroking his beard. "Even to this day, people talk about it."
"You know as well as I do, what happened that day." My Emperor's voice low with threat. "You know well what caused this conflict in the first place. Ever pointlessly causing pain and humiliation for a laugh, no imagined crime is so slight that the punishment is not disproportionate in your gaze."
"What are your intentions, Stingtail?" Garl asked. "Is it your desire to see my people utterly wiped out?"
"There would be no greater justice!" My Emperor hissed. "Yet it is by vow with my Imperator and Bahamut, that in spite of my better judgment, I offer a compromise."
"A compromise?" Garl asked, I wasn't sure if his shock was real or feigned, "From you?"
"We both know our worshipers will never stop hating one another." My Emperor stated. "We know the violence will not end any time soon, yet I am willing to grant you leniency for your crime, so long as you do not harm a single scale upon these people, nor seek retaliation against me for simply trying to rebuild what you destroyed eons ago."
Garl seemed to think about it, then smiled. "If you kneel." He said. "That's your favored tactic, making your enemies kneel? I will allow your spawn to rebuild, but you must kneel and pledge your undying service to me, as my personal fool."
I stood up, snarling. "This is not compromise!" I snapped. "This is far more accommodation than you have ever gotten before, or will ever get, and you demand servitude!?"
"I believe the term your kind uses is 'slave'." He replied. "What would be better than subjecting him to the same conditions he forced my people under?"
"YOUR PEOPLE WERE THE ONES WHO STRUCK FIRST!" My Emperor roared, his eyes wide, pupils narrow with rage, spittle flying from his maw. "IT WAS THEY WHO REFUSED TO LISTEN AS WE ATTEMPTED PEACE! IT WAS THEY WHO BROUGHT THIS UPON THEMSELVES! HOW DARE YOU DEMAND THIS OF ME, WHO HAS LANGUISHED IN SOLITUDE FOR GENERATIONS, SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CANNOT ABIDE MY EXISTENCE!"
"Then it seems you need another time out." Garl said.
"That, I believe, is enough." We all looked as a group of Kobolds appeared from thin air.
"Ah, Bahamut, you debase yourself before your enemy?" Garl asked in a teasing tone.
"Do not forget, Garl, that we raged at your 'prank'. Clearly, we should have punished you, rather than choosing leniency. Perhaps so many tragedies could have been avoided, if we had simply held you to task?"
"The Justicemaker himself, siding with an evil deity?" Garl asked. "Against a good one such as I?"
With an explosion of wing and light, Bahamut towered above us, his cloudy blue eyes wide with anger. 'Justice chooses the innocent, Garl. I learned my lesson that day the hard way, and I have striven to never lapse in my duty. Watch your tone, Glittergold. I swear by the World Shaper, who granted the only justice on that day, I will denounce you, and declare you an enemy of righteous justice, until you have paid back the blood of every Kobold you have slain- including the ones who fell in the ages since- if you so much as harm so much as a single scale on these innocent victims of my nemesis."
Garl sighed, "It seems even Gods can't take a joke these days." He remarked.
I swallowed my anger and approached Garl, who watched me with curiosity. "You are approaching me?" He asked. "You, a lowly mortal Kobold, approach me?"
I held my hand out. "I swallow my hatred of you, for the sake of peace." I said. He glanced at my hand. "What, you've never heard of a handshake? Are you afraid that I could possibly do something to you?"
"You couldn't so much as scratch me." He replied, grasping my hand. I tightened my grip as the joy buzzer in my palm vibrated harmlessly in his hand. He tried pulling away, confused, the slightest bit of concern in his eyes, before I finally let go.
"What did you do?" He asked, his voice taking on a hint of threat.
"We call it a joy buzzer." I said, holding my hand out and pressing the button. "It's a joke, a prank."
He stared at me with such incomprehension, then at the joy buzzer, then back at me. "You... pulled a prank... on me." He said.
Bahamut chuckled. "Such a simple misdirection, yet all the more humorous, as you- of all Gods- fell for it."
Garl nodded. "I will admit, I could have never anticipated that." He remarked. "Very well, I will rescind my prior condition, I will leave you and your-" His eyes lingered on me. "-people alone for time being, though I must ask to have this 'joy buzzer' of yours."
I took it off my hand and put it in his palm, just hard enough to make it buzz again, startling him.
"I believe the phrase, when it comes to pranks and jokes, is confuse, don't abuse." I said. "May there never be such a gross abuse again."
"Indeed." Garl replied. He looked at the joy buzzer in his hand and gave the merest of smirks, and then he turned around and walked away.
I let out a heavy sigh of relief. "I'll be honest, I was expecting for him to get pissed and pop me like a grape." I looked back at the others, Bahamut had taken Kobold form again. "Thank you, for stepping in when you did."
"It is the very least I could do, to make reparations for that day." Bahamut spoke. He looked at My Emperor and approached him. He knelt and said, "I do not pledge fealty or loyalty, this is not a debasement, but one more reparation."
"Stand." My Emperor spoke. He hopped off the stage as Bahamut did, and after a moment of hesitation, he too knelt. "Understand, I do this only because you have earned my respect, Justicemaker." He stood up. "My people have a long way to go, in order to have the peace they richly deserve. I swear, as long as you aid me in that goal, I will do what is necessary to maintain that peace."
"That is all I need." Bahamut replied. "I hereby grant your faithful permission to perform acts of righteousness in my name, if you ever deign to allow them to worship me."
"Only if you allow your faithful to invoke my name, should they ever need to pay evil unto evil."
"I do not believe that will be necessary." Bahamut replied. "Yet I shall allow this."
They shook hands.
I half-expected Bahamut to just leave at that moment, but he didn't. "Now." He said. "Tiamat has hidden herself from me, and I can not seem to find a trace of her anywhere, save the stench of her evil machinations. Until Garl has left, I will remain here for a time, to ensure he does not have any plans or tricks for you."
"That's just an excuse to stick around as a Kobold for a while." My Emperor teased.
"If the danger has passed, why not take this time to celebrate?" I asked. "We have a week's worth of food stored, why not have a feast?"
My Emperor nodded. "An excellent idea. Bring our subjects up, I want them singing our praises by afternoon."
I went down with Galax, we didn't have to do much to get everyone going up. Food was brought out, ovens were fired up, and food was laid out for everyone to eat, drink, and generally just enjoy themselves for once.
Everyone regarded Rakdo with some hesitation at first, but when he said he was on our side, that trepidation faded and they welcomed him to the Warren.
A handful of people brought out instruments, either kept safe from little over a year and a half ago, or they had made by hand. We still didn't have Bards, and they were most assuredly Awoken, but they played what music they knew with passing skill, making use of the stage so that our sound-amplifying magic items could allow them to be heard by everyone.
Of course, I took a moment to introduce our guests of honor, Bahamut and his seven companions. Though the latter were stern and not at all talkative, they were respectful to anyone who treated their God with respect.
Being guests of honor, they had a place at the table set for myself, my Emperor, and my Council.
Since there hadn't been any formal planning behind this, anyone who thought they could entertain everyone had a chance on the stage. A cadre of teenagers got on the stage, and being former theater kids back when school was something to worry about, they put on performances of Shakespearean plays.
It was in no way, shape, or form professional, but everyone seemed to enjoy it.
"It's been a long time since I've seen you smile like that, brother." I looked at Tallyn. "I'm glad to see the world hasn't completely crushed your spirit."
"I'll crush the world before I let it crush me." I replied.
After the plays, a lone Kobold got on the stage, nervous as all hell, holding a leather-bound book. "I- uh, I would like to read a story I've written." He said. "If it would please our Imperator."
"You can't do any worse than I would!" I called out. "Impress me with your best effort, the content of the story can only enhance it!"
He seemed to take my words to heart, as he began reading a story, of Kobolds and Dragons fighting against an insurmountable foe. Everyone listened, enraptured by the tale he wove. By the time he finished, hours had passed, and he received a standing ovation, his Awakening only intensified the crowd's cheers, we all knew what he was, there was no doubt about it.
"As the first Bard of this Empire, come, have a seat at our table." I spoke. "And please, tell us your name!"
"Hakku, Imperator." He said, bowing.
"Come, Hakku, this honor is well-earned!"
Hakku sat with us, he was shy and soft-spoken. "I took to writing because I'm not good at much else." He said. "I've written ever since I could hold a pen, I've actually amassed enough of a collection of them that I'm not even a quarter of the way done with them."
"Hakku, would you be willing to take on the title of Councilor, to guide our entertainers, our storytellers, to give them the infrastructure they need to succeed?"
"Y-yes, Imperator." He said.
"I look forward to your contributions, Councilor."
Many others tried their hand on the stage, some were absolutely terrible, but everyone was a good sport about it.
As the feast dwindled to food scraps and bones, our Emperor stood and addressed the people.
"There will be no need to retrieve that which was brought down below." He spoke. "This is my domain, and I say now is the time for the symbol of our Empire to rise."
We all hurried to the outside of the town, far enough away that it was small in the distance. We watched as our Emperor channeled his divine power, raising up the entire town along with several strata of earth, before placing it nearby us and making it sink until it was flush with the ground. Then, his hands raised to the skies, Darastrixthurhi rose up from the ground, stone and dirt cascading off of it until what remained was a massive fortress structure.
Walls of stone rose, adjoining the fortress with the town.
Once the signal was given, we walked in, our homes untouched, undamaged, and looming over us was the fortress.
"Behold." Our Emperor spoke with such pride and reverence. "The Fortress-City of Darastrixthurhi, Thousands of empty homes awaiting our habitation, entire sections devoted and dedicated to the comfort and safety of our talented Warren." He looked at us. "The town we stand in is as much a part of it, is as much a vital aspect of our city. You are free to choose where you live, space is plentiful."
"Ah, but your Temple dwarfs mine." Bahamut spoke with a tone of humor.
"It is a fortress fit for Dragons." Our Emperor spoke. "Not a Temple to my glory. Nonetheless, I welcome you to my city as an honored guest, for you have done what no other would in these long years."
"I am honored." Bahamut replied. "May this day foretell many years of peace to come."
With the feast over, the Warren of course went in and explored the Fortress City more closely, marveling at the architecture, admiring the stonework. At the pinnacle of the city was the entrance from the underground. I gazed upon the throne and looked at my Emperor.
"Go." He said.
I ascended the stairs and sat down upon the throne. Even being made of stone, it was comfortable, with a pleasant little nook for my tail. My Emperor stood beside me, his hand on my shoulder. "Unburdened by endless stone, behold the lands beyond." He spoke. I could see for miles, all of the way to the enemy encampment.
"This city is going to need a lot of infrastructure." I remarked. I stood up and walked down the stairs, looking upon the staggered sections of the Fortress City, seeing the potential it had. I could see people gathering in a large empty space below, several people pointed up at me, I waved back.
"Councilors, gather!" I commanded. Within a handful of minutes, they had managed to get up here.
"You needed us, Imperator?" Tudru asked.
"I want you to look down, tell me what you see."
"A defensible position." Tudru spoke, as he looked down.
"A magnificent work of art." Hakku breathed.
"Dead stone, lifeless." Merti noted sadly.
"Nothing that's worth my time and effort." Tatla remarked.
"Long streets and narrow alleyways." Nakk observed.
"A logistical nightmare." Rekka sighed.
"A shrine to self, as delivered by our Emperor." Galax remarked dryly.
"A home, built for us." Tallyn stated hopefully.
"A mighty fortress that serves as the Empire's jewel." Kalith spoke.
"A very long drop." Goss muttered as he backed away.
"A giant fuckin' rock." Kuvli helpfully opined.
"Endless potential."
Everyone was startled when Fox stepped out of the shadows, he darted forward, catching Hakku as he almost fell. He pulled him back up and gave a formal bow. "Asgorath grant you steady footing." The Monk spoke. He turned his head slightly. "And less OSHA violations."
We couldn't help but laugh.
"Who is Osha?" Our Emperor asked. "Have I been unaware of someone who acts with more authority than they are allowed?"
"It's an acronym that stands for the Occupational Safety and Health Administration." I quickly explained. "Their whole thing is making sure workers have the proper safety precautions, and that companies adhere to those standards."
I looked at my Council. "Fox here is correct; endless potential." I said, "My Council, I want you all to gather a large team who can survey the Fortress City. I want empty spaces filled with enough dirt to produce food, I want a sustainable source of water, if at all possible. Infrastructure, trams throughout the main thoroughfares so that the people can get to where they need to go. I give you all free rein to bring Darastrixthurhi into its full glory. I am trusting each and every one of you with this."
They all saluted.
"Dismissed. Take it easy for the rest of the night, for tomorrow, your duty begins in earnest."
They all left.
"I believe we should heed such a command ourselves." My Emperor spoke. "Follow me."
I followed him into a series of hallways, at the far end of which led to a large bedroom. "I intended for this room to be the one in which I kept a harem of women, that I ensure my lineage remained." He looked at me. "Undress, my Imperator."
I did so, and he clipped the lead to my collar before gently, yet insistently pulling me toward a stone bed. He casually decorated it with soft blankets and sheets, and with a single push of one hand, he laid me upon the bed.
"Ruuk Stingtail." He spoke. "This is your reward for your fearless service to me, for daring to stare down a God, and to upstage him." He leaned closer and kissed me, my heart thundered as it wasn't simply a quick peck on the lips.
It was longer, deeper, and I loved every second of it.
​
[Navigation for 'Dragon Rising'- [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20]]

So, this is the story of how this group and I started a coup on our DM and regained our freedom. TW: Mentions of Racism
Important people! Pluto: The DM, ruler of our personal hell Jericho: My friend and the local Paladin Bird: The Bladesinger Wizard with wings Soap: The Tricky Drow Cleric/Ranger Hornet: Barbarian Satyr and the newest addition Boy: The Eldritch knight… yeah that’s it Toad: Local Plant boy with a pet dragon And I am… Well, me. (Names changed for obvious reasons) So this story starts at the beginning. I found a listing in the CritCrab server for a new game that sounded interesting. A group that is in a fantasy school for adventurers. Sounds interesting enough. I sent the DM (Pluto) a character idea for a Water Genasi swarm keeper whose swarm is a school of tropical fish. He said that I can’t use fish because it's not one of the official options for a swarmkeeper… Okay? Change it to birds and then he asks if I wanted to be siblings with someone else who wanted to be a Genasi ranger. I hesitantly agree and then I meet Jericho. I began becoming closer with Jericho and tried getting closer with Pluto. I brought up taking a level into a homebrew monster tamer class and he approved it but every time I did something that irritated him he half jokingly threatened to kill my character’s wolf to the point where it made me not want to play the class knowing that if I didn’t do what he wanted he would take it out on my character. Eventually that game didn't go anywhere so he started up a new game. Pluto decided he would run the same game as before with a new group and we started at level 3! Jericho and I were the only ones who came back for the reboot. During the down time between campaigns I began being closer friends with Jericho and began playing some of the same games as him. Pluto, not liking these games, told us that people who played those games were “bad people and people who say otherwise are objectively wrong.” Anyways, character creation. Jericho and I wanted a connected backstory but didn't want to be siblings again since we just did that. He decided he would play a paladin and so I thought “if he is the knight, i could be the dragon” and brought up the tamer class to Pluto again, he accepted it but didn’t stop talking about how Drakewarden Ranger is just better. Even after I told him I didn’t like it as much. Now, I wouldn't have this issue if he hadn’t already said the tamer class was fine. He already accepted the homebrew but was still pushing me toward something I said I didn't want. On top of all this, he told Jericho that since he was a Knight he would also have the Noble background and since he was a Noble I should also be a Noble and his sister! We sorta just went along with it since it sorta just worked. I ended up swapping from a Tamer (because he clearly didn't want me playing it) to a Wizard with a high charisma in hopes of going into bard or warlock. We were all excited to be some noble kids in the school just hanging out and stuff only to learn that by Noble, he meant the most Noble. Jericho was the Crown Prince and I the Princess of THE ENTIRE COUNTRY. This was not at all what we signed up for but we thought, Hey, this will at least make things interesting? The other players were Boy, who made an eldritch knight who sorta just hit things? He didn't role play too much and mostly just split off to talk to random teachers and stuff instead of participating in what there was of a plot.The other was a druid for a couple of sessions but left due to frustrations with Pluto. So it starts with us going to a school and doing a test to see what class we are in, sorta Yugioh GX style if you are familiar with that. We all got sent to Obelisk Blue and were assigned to the team. Woo! We set off for our first mission, go find “something of interest.” We weren’t told what exactly to look for or anything just to find it. Okay? We search and find a cave with spooky noises and glowing. My player senses are tingling! We go inside and find a woman who is all like “Make a deal with me, i will give you some shiny stuff and you are not allowed to talk about me ever to anyone outside of here. If anyone asks you where you found this stuff say it's from the river” Jericho: Can we say walk away? Pluto: Nope, you are stuck here. Druid: Well, can we fight her? Pluto: You can but she can tpk you Me: So we just take the items then i guess
We go on to the next bit and we return our interesting items and the druid tries to sorta not say explicitly what we found but every time we try we get told we can't get around the binding contract. Cool, so we can’t talk about what happened or try to get any information. We take some classes, have some fun conversations amongst the party, teach the druid what a snake is, all fun. We then go to find our next quest. Hunt some mini cockatrices. Okay, interesting, let's do that. We do it without incident. We come back and roleplay some more before going onto the next quest. A strange feline creature is doing some petrification in a nearby town, go solve it. Me: More petrification monsters? I wonder who is letting em all out Pluto: Oh, no. i just chose them because petrification is easy to run Yeah, not plot reasoning just easy to run… okay We continue onward and find ourselves in an area and we decide to go to the library. Turns out there is a fire downstairs in the library that leads to a secret laboratory with a bunch of notes and stuff and something that mentions the monster we were sent to find. I had never heard of the monster so I looked up what it looked like (mind you not trying to meta-game was just curious because i had never heard of it. It is like a lion medusa, I forgot what it was called. Anyways, Pluto got upset with me for looking it up and yeah, maybe I shouldn't have. So Druid was having issues with Pluto during all of this and ended up leaving the campaign. In the meantime Pluto decided to invite someone from a group he was kicked from for being rude to the other players. Turns out in that game his character had a baby dragon that he was taking care of because of a homebrew race he was playing. This is when Bird joined. Turns out there was a secret fight club in the town and Bird is doing great. Bird is a homebrew race that is like an elf with wings. Bird was the most forward with their complaints. Anytime Pluto did something frustrating they would bring it up. He was not afraid to say blatantly that something Pluto was doing was annoying. This led to several arguments and I won’t lie, it was quite annoying. Their character was similar and would call my character out for what she was doing which was really fun to roleplay out. We ended up going and fighting the boss and instead of attacking the tank it felt like he targeted my wizard. Weird but okay, i was pretty pushed up and i almost went down because funny d6 hit dice. Also, I was hiding in a tree. We also saw the petrified body of the character who left. We went back to the school and role played a bit between missions.
We were then given an option between going to the capital for purposes of going and meeting the king and queen or going on a quest to find some flowers. We think about it and going to the capital seemed like the best way to push the story forward and then Pluto tells us that going to the plot is actually at the flowers which made no sense at all and still doesn’t. Especially since the only plot stuff was uh not region specific Next mission was trying to find a medicine for petrification. We go and talk to a king but a different type of king from our character’s father? Pluto swears up and down there is a good reason for this but it's confusing. We went to talk to him. King: So, you are looking for this really rare plant? Well, I will tell you where to find it so long as you make a deal with me Everyone: really? Another deal? Bird: “Yeah, my character is super paranoid and traumatized and wouldn't make deals with random people Pluto: Can you quit derailing things? Bird continued to try to get around the contract but no matter what he tried, Pluto didn’t allow anything. During all of this Pluto invited two new people to join us. Toad and Soap. They hadn't joined the game yet because he kept refusing to introduce them for like 3 sessions in a row. So they were both just quietly waiting in the vc for hours on end, much to the annoyance of Soap in particular. Eventually we got to the point where we were looking for the plants and Jericho had to go to work so we hand waved it as he went to go look somewhere else for the plants. We find the plants and they seem eerily out in the open. We get to problem solving. We decided the best course of action is if there are traps, send the flying person to go get them so we don't trigger them. Bird goes and flies towards them and then the tree shoots some roots or something at them? Idk, it makes no sense. And then they tried to Misty Step away. Anyways we roll initiative and fight a bunch of plants and then Toad and Soap see us fighting the plants and decide to help us. We beat the fight and then head back to the castle. We get told that Pluto would have a side session with Jericho. Jericho then tells me later that week that his character is dead or close to death. Turns out when he went off alone he fell into a random hole and had to go through a bunch of fights. And also he found someone who recognised him as the crown prince because of his fancy armor that he has stated many times wasnt fancy because he was very humble. He ended up getting so close to death that he had to make ANOTHER DEAL in order to get out alive. When the next session started we were told we went back without him and waited several days for him to come back and he just didn't. Excuse me? My character just sat around when her brother was missing for more than 12 hours??? Anyways we tried several things to find him and then i decided to make ANOTHER DEAL in order to ensure his safety. (I had a way to summon a fey-like entity). After all of this and more, Bird was causing a new argument or 2 every session and Soap was also upset by the same things and backed him up. The biggest argument was because we were defending Jericho from being killed off screen for committing the unforgivable sin of going to work. Eventually Pluto decided he would kick Bird. He also decided to gaslight Soap into apologizing for agreeing with Bird and BEGGING FOR HIS FORGIVENESS. Now mind you, after all of this Bird’s character had already been a massive part of the character development of both Soap’s character and my own so seeing them leave was rough narratively. Then it was implied they were killed, as was their pet pig, Chris P Bacon (Rest in Peace, sweet prince) Anyways, we go back home, role play, and then we go into a multi session dungeon crawl. Half way through the dungeon crawl he decided to add another player to the group and had Hornet send several different backstories and then admitted to not reading any of them. Now something I hadn’t mentioned was that he would often be late or cancel sessions day-of because he wanted to go to a party. It got to the point where he was the least consistent player. During the Dungeon crawl is when it became super problematic. People had had some schedule shifts and we asked to have the sessions an hour earlier and he agreed. Except, we didn't expect that that meant he would then opt to ask if we could postpone the sessions by 30 minutes or sometimes an hour and 30 minutes. When I complained about him being late all the time he said it was “Latino culture” to always show up late. Yeah, I was also confused. Anyways, this meant that 2 players were rarely able to show up and when they could they had to leave and hour in. We learned a bit more lore and then left the dungeon after like 5 sessions. We then went to a different town that had a rival school in it. Neat. We looked around, read some books, role played a bit, y’know, the usual. Then we decided to head home to the school to be there for a tournament! And now Hornet joined! After like 2-3 months of being invited to the server. Eventually, we all talked out of character about our experiences and decided that Toad would be the new DM and run a similar game and we would keep our characters. Thank you, Jericho for finally taking the time to talk to everyone. This situation ended a month ago. I would like to just say that these people tend to not have any self awareness so they can even watch these videos and not see the parallels between these bad DMs and themselves. Be careful out there, friends.
Some other notes that i didn't know where to put Pluto made almost all of us change something about our characters. -He made me and Jericho siblings and tried to force me into Drakewarden ranger. -Soap was supposed to be a Ranger Rogue, but he said “rogues cause too much trouble” and that “we needed a healer.” We did not need a healer. I had bard levels and was the support of the group. Then when they chose to be a cleric and decided to go to a church he was super surprised that the cleric wanted to do cleric things. -Toad wanted to be a Firbolg but then the Pluto pushed them towards his new homebrew race that has a pet dragon that he swears wasn't based on the same race he played in the game Bird was in -Hornet was going to be a shifter Echo knight but was then told no for some reason? -Told Bird no goblins, and argued about other races and stuff. Also forced them to be the cousin of mine and Jericho’s characters He was an incredibly toxic friend. He eventually ended up playing the game “only bad people like” but it was okay because he “didn't take it seriously.” Anytime I took a kill he would yell at me for stealing it and then say he wasn't actually mad because he doesn't take the game seriously and then go back to yelling at me. He did this with knowledge that people yelling at me was a trigger for me. I ended up buying a skin for him in the game as a gift and then he kept trying me to get him another one. I offered to get him a cheaper one as it was on sale and then he kept saying “No i want this one” If you liked something it was immediately a bad thing to like because of reasons. Like it was made by a corrupt company or stuff like that. You just weren’t allowed to enjoy things around him. In the game, he kept giving Soap, the archer, knives for loot? It was weird. Just because Soap had their character buy a dagger so they would have some concealed melee just in case. He also made it so whenever Soap looked for information they found a book about potatoes which was funny the first time bc nat 1 but the second time just felt like haha reusing the same joke but for an 11. And most of the time Soap was the only one actively looking for information about the lore due to the god they followed not being a part of the main pantheon. He also liked giving us very little money and then showing off all the cool magic items we could buy if we had money. Or make us go to a special shop and then make us spend most of our money there and then say “should've saved your money” THERE WERE SO MANY NPCS. I couldn't keep up with them all. Also all of them were very holier than thou. Pretty annoying He also said because I was taller than Bird IRL I could beat him up in a fight which was weird especially with how insistent he was about it
Bird got yelled at for “power gaming” which is a fancy way to say thinking before acting If you disagreed with Pluto it was a direct attack. His opinions weren't opinions; they were facts. If you liked something he didn't, you were a bad person
He also told the Soap that because they were a Drow they would experience Racism and then proceeded to not give any because he expected my character to be racist for him. Also he didnt think Drow were elves. We believe that when he said there would be Racism it was towards Soap and not their character. He seemed to have something against everyone who was American in the group… which was everyone but Toad. But more often than not, Soap was the butt of the joke Toad also kicked him from his game before the events of this game which was based on an Anime he liked. He then got Bird to DM another game based on that anime and then didn't join it because it was Pathfinder and not 5e Ignored Soap’s backstory and just focused on the fact that they were poor because every other character was “too spoiled” even though he forced them to be that way. He called a young boy a Shota and didn’t fully comprehend the… implications which was funny and we had a laugh but he said then had to argue that it was perfectly innocent and has no implications Jericho had special rules as the crown prince he had to follow so when he was taking a more calm and stoic route he was punished for not taking a stand. To the point where when someone else was consoling someone Jericho was told that a group of people that saw him minding his own business hated him. It basically made him afraid to give his character a personality We had to take classes but we had to take 3 of the same class to get anything out of the classes There was a point where we found a fire Genasi that was very attractive and everyone was like trying to rizz her up but when Soap said they were just kinda staring at her they were called a creep. Mind you, Soap’s character was a 13 year old boy who looked about as “creepy” as a soft cuddly bunny.

Hi, I’m in the middle of a massive destash. Shipping is $5, USPS First Class with tracking or $15 First Class International to Canada. Everything listed is a full bottle. Scent descriptions have been pared down to notes for space. I ship weekly. Unfortunately, I have almost no perfume samples, so I might not be able to provide extras in my packages. I am open to reasonable offers on everything. I'm also going hardcore on my ISOs right now and am happy to swap for anything on my list. I'm particulary looking for a full 5 ml of BPAL Black Amber and Sugarcane and have some rares I'd be willing to swap for it, including Ava, Velvet Unicorn, Spanked Resurrected, VILF, and Snow Angel.
ALKEMIA (5 ml rollerballs)
In a Railway Carriage: Rumpled linens, silky woolens, skin musk, white amber, lotus flowers, peaches, freesia, violets. ($14)
Les Mysteres: Frankincense, black figs, labdanum, dark amber, Russian tea. ($14)
BPAL (5 ml bottles)
GCs
Vasilissa: Skin musk, pink musk, sandalwood, white amber, myrrh, star jasmine. ($16)
LEs
About Midnight: Vanillic sandalwood, holy balsam, cedar, frankincense. ($20)
All the Dust of the Land: Ceylon cinnamon bark, black patchouli, tonka absolute, bitter almond, frankincense. ($20)
Apple IV 2015: Red apple, blackcurrant bud, black clove, vanilla bourbon. ($20)Bestla: Amber, black fig, rose oud. ($20)
Cascading Blossoms: White gardenia, frangipani, rose peony, plumeria, and vanilla orchid. ($20)
The Changeling: Blonde wood, linen swaddling, pumpkin rind, bourbon vanilla. ($20)
The Countess of Morcar's Blue Carbuncle: Blue musk, white juniper, iris pallida, white oudh, sugar crystals. ($20)
The Creation: Amber saffron, indigo chypre, gardenia, blackcurrant, ylang ylang, frankincense, fir needle, white patchouli. ($20)
Dark and Weary: Somber oudh, grey benzoin, raw bourbon vanilla, and tobacco. ($20)
Donna Con Ventaglio: White chypre, bergamot, rose otto, ylang ylang, tonka absolute, lotus root, blood orange, white fig, rock rose, mate, violet leaf. ($20)
The Drum Bridge and Yuhi Hill at Meguro: Snow-dusted ti leaf, winter-white cherry blossoms, gilded ylang ylang, hinoki cypress. ($20)
The Fox Sisters 2014: Rose geranium, tea roses, mahogany wood, bourbon vanilla, apple peel. ($20)
The Gambols of Ghosts: Beeswax, amber, violets, olive blossom, moss. ($20)
Gelt-Smeared Dreidel ($20)
Gingerbread Cathedral: Gingerbread, olibanum, Oman myrrh, Damascus rose resin, cassia. ($20)
The Great Python Snake: Thick, vine-draped trees, primeval flowers blooming in the shadows, dark, wet earth. ($20)
Hag Musk ($20)
A Holy Man Advises a Woman to Invoke Mary Against a Devil: White musk, tobacco flower, white tea, Tunisian neroli, blonde leather. ($20)
Leda: Crimson and gold musks, pearl orris, white oudh, white sandalwood, translucent spiced petals. ($20)
L’Essence de L’Ardeur: Centifolia rose absolute, tea rose, bourbon vanilla, bittersweet chocolate, champaca resinoid, myrrh, nutmeg, pomegranate, benzoin. ($20)
Looming Spectre of Unutterable Horror: Frankincense, tobacco absolute, Russian leather, blackened champaca, clove, red patchouli, bourbon vanilla, petitgrain. ($20)
Lovers Embrace Under a Cock Kimono: Amber, balsam peru, patchouli, blood orange, rose geranium. ($20)
The Magic Circle: Vanilla-infused frankincense, clary sage, 7-year aged patchouli, jasmine sambac, honey myrtle, oudh. ($20)
Maidens in Repose: Black amber, Ceylon cinnamon, Somalian myrrh, pale incense, star anise. ($20)
Maison En Pain d’Épices 2011: Gingerbread, multicolored icing, spice drops, meringue, mint accents, chocolate, candy wafers, jelly candy. ($20)
Minamoto No Yorimitsu Cuts at the Earth Spider: Toasted sandalwood, tobacco flower, teakwood, castoreum accord, bourbon vanilla, patchouli. ($20)
Mourning Cloak/Shroud: Opoponax, kumaru, cocoa butter, Mysore sandalwood, verbena, almond milk, guiac wood, beeswax, myrrh. (Note: bottle is labeled "Mourning Shroud." $20)
Nasty Woman: Black fig, patchouli, bourbon vanilla, honeyed amber oud, loukhoum. ($20)
Now Winter Nights Enlarge 2015: Vanilla-infused red musk, champaca, petitgrain, ylang ylang, patchouli, nutmeg, honey, galbanum, caramel. ($20)
Paysage: Tunisian opium, mugwort, blackened bourbon vanilla, tuberose, glittering white musk, datura accord, wild plum, tobacco absolute. ($20)
Peach VI 2014: Peach, blackcurrant, aged patchouli, red sandalwood, benzoin, blue musk. ($20)
The Ring: Antiqued amber, frankincense, patchouli, hay, oakmoss, skin musk, white mint. ($20)
Seven Word Story: Wrath: Bitter almond, black patchouli, red amber, rum absolute, lemon peel. ($20)
She Perishes That She May Live: Cinnamon, amomum, cassia, acanthus, spikenard, myrrh, three balsams, frankincense. ($20)
The Snow at Dusk: Snowdrifts, opium tar, wild plum, Siamese benzoin, champaca resinoid, muguet, carnation. ($20)
The Snow at Midnight: Frozen blackcurrant bud, myrrh, ciste absolute, frankincense, oudh. ($20)
Sonnet D'Automne 2011: White musk, vanilla-infused white cocoa, amber incense, dead, leaves. ($20)
A Sublime Beauty: White rose, orris absolute, tonka, bergamot, bourbon vanilla, patchouli. ($20)
They Lie Thus Chambered and Cold to the Moon: Cedar coffinwood, davana, tobacco flower, white rose. ($20)
Thousands of Lights: Indian ambrette seed, beeswax, champaca flower, saffron, Italian bergamot, frankincense, oak bark, vanilla orchid. ($20)
The Tumultuous Vultures of Stern Passion: Red musk, red benzoin, wild plum, vetiver tar, Indonesian patchouli, white musk, vanilla-gilded lily. ($20)
The Unquiet Grave: White roses, frankincense, white gardenia, white sandalwood, vanilla orchid. ($20)
Valentine of Rome 2011: Cypress, olive blossom, frankincense, myrrh, blood accord. ($20)
Venus Cloacina: White gardenia, frankincense, sheer musk, vanilla orchid. ($20)
Ville-Marie: Vanilla-touched white musk: Madonna lily, crabapple blossom, Begonia juliana, dendrobium and phalaenopsis orchids, five varieties of lilac. ($20)
NUI COBALT (5 ml bottles, $16)
Icicle Tiara: Cold accord, white tea, linen, blue lotus, pale amber resin, forest musk, vanilla sugar.
Little Brown Rabbit: Nutmeg, tonka bean, marshmallow, cottonflower, pink pepper, carrot seed.
Vengeful Spirit: Cotton flower, cardamom, cashmere, bitter almond, storm-washed teak, white sandalwood.
Victorian Burlesque: Indigo musk, plum wine, night blooming jasmine, blackcurrant jam, green cardamom, cinnamon crème brûlée.
POSSETS (5 ml bottles, $14)
Bridal Veil: Orange blossom, neroli, silk, chiffon.
Gelato: Blood Orange
Golden Section: “Oddly and pleasantly animalic, unaggressively floral, and tempered with 3 ambers (one honeyed, one dry, and one very sweet and dripping golden.)”
Reward: Red candy, musk, fern, lily, orchid.
Virginia Oldoini: Blue Lilac accord, white hawthorne, three white musks.
Water Witch: Aquatic, salt, jasmine, mandarin, rosehip, animalic essences.

Okay so I bought a 23’ after selling my 18’ and when I go down steep hills, it’ll start blowing blue smoke out of the exhaust worse than a tuned 5.9 Cummins lol. My brother and sisters 23’ don’t do it. So I was wondering if I was the only one? Hopefully not but hopefully so that way nobody has to deal with it too

Nature of Predators is created by u/SpacePaladin15, whom was willing to let his horde of fans write fanfiction.
I'd like to give my thanks to u/SavingsSyllabub7788, the creator of Death of a Monster, and one of my favorite birbs. for giving me an odd bit of inspiration, and the discord at large for shaping this story with theories and random discussions. This one shot didn't even conceptually exist last week.
Also referenced u/Acceptable_Egg5560's Nature of a Giant in this one.
Tell me how you feel about this story. I'm content with where it ends, but others' insight always helps me figure out my flaws.
.*~*.
Memory Transcription Subject: Barkim, forsaken krakotl veteran.
Date: December 20, 2136
.~*~.
I came before Captain Sovlin and Captain Kalsim. I remember watching Kalsim train. I doubt he remembers me. My career made me into a captain pretty fast. Faster than most. I had repelled five Arxur raids while in control of the bridge. My crew were brave enough to trust me and my insane methods. Letting a colony world fall was unacceptable in my eyes. We were the vigilant, always ready to warp in ten minutes or less. The federation as whole didn't seem to understand how much value a few extra minutes bought for the settlers meant. Even if I had to order a retreat, tens of thousands would survive because they managed to find a place to weather the raid while the Arxur were distracted.
I was a hero.
Rumbling laughter and howls make my slow trod falter, and I look though a window into the recreational room. There's several humans at a table holding scraps of paper and barking in a jovial mood. They're not masked, and my feathers ruffle looking at them. A flicker of movement on the table catches my eye, and I finally spot the Dossur in their midst, almost completely hidden in a bunker of coins.
A Dossur beating an entire group of pack predators by himself. I never would've believed it, but I'm still not surprised it would be Alvin of all people.
That little runt was the only reason I've managed to hold onto my sanity for so long. He was braver than I, and he brought me back even when I was at my worst, again and again and again. He was the first to run to our predatory saviors back at the facility. And he was the last to leave, running back into the fighting and leading a human doctor to me to stop the stray bullet from taking me into Inatala's grace.
I left him to his card game, faintly overhearing one of the humans complain about being a several years running Texas Holdem champion. Alvin's response sounded very much like him, asking if he wanted to bet the actual crown next to add to his growing wealth.
Eventually I found myself in front of a door. Inside was a small room. One wall contained a wooden desk carved with enough craftsmanship to rival old Krakotl wood carvers. The desk was cluttered with cylinders and writing apparatuses, and a primitive writing board resting on the wall above it displayed several print outs of various people. Relatives. Descendants. People that had enough empathy in them to take back the few lucky souls that still had people they could trust. The computer underneath it was not active, but if it where I'd imagine there would be encrypted communication logs trying to reconnect with those few love ones. Plans to reunite them. Promises to protect them under this faction's umbrella.
It was strange, that this group of humans wasn't desired by the rest of their kind. They take more direct, brutal action than their leaders, but they act to save lives.
On the opposite wall was a locker. Inside were several firearms of Human make, and multiple emergency atmospheric suits. Many were for human use, but some were Federation standard. A pair of boots and engineering equipment rested on the floor before it, scuffed and well worn. There's a strange logo of an orange planet on the back of a jacket hanging from a hook nearby, and an even stranger article of cloth called an 'arm band.' The arm band has a large tree sewn into it, flanked by two prey animals and a river. The human I'm visiting was part of that arm band group, named after a tree of all things.
You couldn't get me to harbor a guess as to why they'd name themselves after a tree.
The far wall was rather simple. A faded green paint coat, covered in various anti-predator posters. One was of a human in a blue space suit, the visor open and revealing an endless pit of teeth. Another depicting a feral, over-proportioned human salivating over a dressed, screaming krakotl on a dinner plate. A third poster depicted some venlil collared and chained in place, stuck in some multi-colored wrapping that went up its legs halfway.
There was a mirror beside the posters, and I winced at the terrible shape I was in. I'd abused myself too much after I was freed. Even after stopping, I was still recovering. Looking past the mirror, there is a large banner of a green Terran letter. A few paper photos are plastered around it of smiling humans in strange places, and my eye always lingers over those photos despite the many times I've seen them. Earth looked lovely. I wished Kalsim had called off his mission.
Feeling like an intruder, I turned my attention to the last part of the wall. A set of black out curtains were flush with it, concealing a human roost built into the structure itself. If I was lucky, she would be there.
"Hope?"
Come on, you're better than a chicken.
Carefully, I lifted the curtain. "Hope?"
There she was. The one human I wasn't bothered by on this station. I can hear the music playing now that the curtain is out of the way, and the thick visor over her eyes tells me she's watching a video or simulation of some kind. I hesitate, watching her in her own world. What fur she does have is short and remarkably dense, and she has such a unique coloration that I would swear she was one of a kind if she hadn't mentioned having family. A tan complexion, painted over by splotches and stripes of white and violets that humans can't see with their own eyes. Her face is relaxed, mouth slightly open in wonder.
The human that helped staunch my bleeding, and gently broke the news to me of everything that had happened while I was locked up. The same one that kept me from pulling myself apart immediately after, and tried to find a way to keep me busy as my whole world went up in flames. A stern, capable person that could make decisions under pressure and wanted to save lives. While not a leader, I could see it in her. She had mettle.
She was completely exposed. Had I been the old me and not the one that woke up in a PD cell after a Sillis conference, I might've followed Kalsim's path. A talon in the right spot, and humans die fast.
"Hope?" Even raising my voice, she didn't hear me right in front of her. "Hope!"
As much as I respected her, coming this far in my state was exhausting. I, being a former fleet captain, hero, and outstanding Federation officer, decidedly acted like a child in that moment and pecked her.
"AAAAAAAH!"
"AIIIIIIIIIEEEEE"
I let out the most undignified shriek in my life and fell over backwards, landing on my tail feathers and sending a jolt up my spine. I forgot that since Hope was human, by extension she could be loud. Really, really, unfathomably loud.
There was a blur of limbs and Hope was sitting up, visor wielded as a bludgeon. She made eye contact with me, and I realized all my remaining feathers had poofed up.
"Blu!" She scolded, face curling in frustration. "What in the matter is- Blu?! You're not in your room?"
Shock, this time. I felt some shame in how low my standards had fallen, and smoothed down my feathers properly. My poor heart was already recovering and I stood, puffing out my chest.
"I... I wanted to go for a walk. See what you humans could do with a dated station like this."
"You're in my room."
"That appears to be the case." I pushed a ball of dust across the floor with a talon and regarded it absently, turning my head and keeping an eye on Hope. "It needs cleaning."
With speed I was anticipating, she hurled a pillow at me. I caught the assault and rerouted it, catching her in the face. She leaned back and laughed, a noise that calmed what was left of my quaking heart as I hopped forward. She offered a hand that I accepted, and she helped pull me onto the edge of the bed.
"You offered to show me your skies." I began, feeling uncertain. "Is that possible?"
"Yeah," she said. "Here-"
Grace put a hand on my chest and pushed down. A profound sense of horror washed over me as my back hit the soft bedding. She wouldn't- no. She can't- is it even- when have I last- Inatala please-
I realized with a start that Hope leaned past me, grabbing her pad. She plugged an odd attachment into it and fastened it to the wall by her head, and flopped over beside me. My immediate terror faded into embarrassment, and my face warmed at my own stupidity as she pulled the curtain closed. It became dark, and I felt her shift slightly until the ceiling above us started to slowly glow. Her pad booted up and began to project an image up there, and I felt my initial problems fade as a blue sky opened up before us.
"Oh wow." I breathed, realizing it was a video as a plane flew overhead. I forgot myself for a moment, looking up into an alien sky as clouds blew by at a lazy pace. The jet stream slowly lost its uniformity and stretched out, facing away as other clouds replaced it. I could hear wind and alien birds chirping, and for a long moment I was there. I was really there.
Storm clouds, massive weather fronts, all began drifting by. There was a dull rumble of thunder. I started as a bird flew very close overhead.
"What was that?"
"Woodpecker. Some can get pretty big back home. Not as big as you, Blu."
"Is it really this serene? Where was this taken?"
"My backyard. There was a massive hill out back. I used to lay there for hours when I was younger. Lived at the edge of a village. The only noise back there was the odd combustion engine or farming drone. Sometimes someone firing off a gun or listening to music loudly."
"You lived in the countryside? You're a pilot!"
Hope chuckled softly. "Surprise! There's some pretty sharp people that don't live in the cities, Blu. Especially us humans. My father could repair any farm equipment you threw at him going back a hundred years. Of course, I also have an uncle that thinks the Queen of England doesn't exist, so it probably levels out." She finished, sighing and reaching up. She swiped her finger across the ceiling and suddenly the skies changed.
They were orange now. More clouds. I felt a familiar pang in my chest thinking of a Nishtal sunset, but I kept quiet as the skies gradually changed. I was surprised to see such a vibrant shade of orange, then a sharp streak of violet bleed into it. There was red as well. A lot of red.
"Why red?"
"Oh, that. Massive forest fire in Canada. That's a country above mine. The smoke changed the colors for a little while. It made for a nice view."
That it did. I got lost in the footage, and started losing track of time. Only the occasional creak of the bedding kept me from forgetting where I really was. Hope seemed content watching the skies, and it dawned on me how close I was to her.
I'm acclimating well. Maybe I'll be like Alvin in no time.
When the skies slowly turned to night I was amazed at the stars that came out. Constellations I was unfamiliar with, patterns and swirls of light that could never be seen from a Federation city. I heard Hope inhale and reach out, changing the scene before it could linger anymore. "How about a time lapse. I've got some good ones."
"I don't know what that is."
"Really? Someone sets up a camera in a nice spot and records hours or days of footage. They take everything they've documented and then speed it up to a couple minutes." Hope starts a new video. I'm taken back by it, how a cloud bank flows around a mountain pass like water. It looks like a stream, where the clouds shift with each wind current change, flowing back and forth as minutes are turned into seconds.
It's stunning. Hope switches to another one, and another. I'm struck dumb with wonder, baffled at how not one other creature out of the hundreds of species thought to do anything similar over the course of the Federation. Massive mountain tops, where humans blur through trails like plasma. Prairies with storm cells moving in, lighting and rain sweeping through and giving it new light as the terrain is rapidly drenched. A large road where thousands of human vehicles streak by and leave brief paint trails in their wake.
"Thank you, Hope."
She nods, an odd gesture of acknowledgement, before changing the video back to a more slow paced skyline. After several minutes of silence, I feel a weight forming in my chest. Slowly, my wonder begins to crumble.
"How many confidants were you able to find? For the others?"
Hope shifted to look at me, turning her head and making my feathers tingle slightly at how close her face was to me. She looked back up at the sky. "Seven."
"There were forty that wanted to leave as quickly as they could. What happens to them?"
"We're letting them go. Even if they don't want anything to do with predators, they're going to find out avoiding my species is pretty hard. We're going to give them access to the network anyways, in case they want our help down the road."
"And the rest of us?"
"I'm helping the ones that want to go back to a somewhat normal life find that. There's several planets they can go to, and countless colonies. They'll be placed close to the support network in case there's trouble and they need to come back, or need financial assistance or help integrating."
Hope had mentioned something about 'shelters being a safe place' for us break outs, but had never elaborated on that.
"And what about the others that want to stay?" I noticed Hope scowl at the skies, her face forlorn.
"The ones that want to stay and help us fight are welcome to. It's not all dangerous- being part of the network isn't as risky. Helping the ones that wanted to go back to living, or finding others that got lost or fell through the cracks. It... it feels wrong asking anyone we rescued to fight and die for us. We don't want clouded judgement and people thinking they owe us that. But, there are a lot wanting to join our ranks in more aggressive operations. We're making them combat ready, teaching them how we wage wars so that they don't turn into their overseers."
I lay there for a long moment, staring at the open skies above us. "What about me?" I asked quietly.
"You're not excluded from those choices, Blu."
"You read my file. You know who I was. What I would've done if I didn't end up in that place. You'd really just let me go?"
"If you wanted to go, then yes."
The simple way in which she states it confused me. Like such a choice wouldn't cause issues or risks.
"But, we've been thinking about a better choice for you."
Oh?
"The Mazics are turning into the next Paltan Combine. Their newest influx of refugees were the released Krakotl."
My chest tightens. Nishtal is no more, razed to the bedrock and dead. We had been abandoned by our neighbors, our home slaughtered well before our true nature was revealed. And in the same year, the Federation deploys over forty thousand ships to take back a world that left behind their rule. Billions of loyal citizens captured and destined for a bloody fate were worth less than billions that seceded peacefully.
And then the humans brokered a deal with the Arxur and saved their souls. This was yet another time they did the impossible.
"We were thinking they could use a strong anchor to roost against. Someone that they might remember. A leader that they can trust."
I turned my head to directly face Hope, but she was still looking at the skies.
"I... they hate you humans."
"They do."
"I can't try and lead them, and sell out anyone that still doesn't believe in the UN's cause. I can't betray them." I chirped, dread worming into my gut.
"We wouldn't expect you too. We don't want you too. Blu-" Hope turned her gaze on me, her voice sincere. "We want them to find the right path. They deserve peace and security. They don't deserve to live in fear and rot with hatred. We don't... my group does not want yours to suffer over what your government did, even if the masses supported it at the time. We think you can lead them to a better future, where this hell can have a chance to heal and fade."
She looked back up at the artificial sky above us. "You don't even have to talk to us again if you choose this. If you do your best to ensure your species can coexist with mine, that would be more than we could ever hope to see happen."
"You think that's possible? That I could get that far? It seems so far away."
Hope bared her teeth in a smile. "You're more than capable. You love your people with everything you have, Blu. They'll see that. They'll believe in you. When you stand firm for your people, they'll follow you, too. We'll help where we can- peacefully. This can happen, I know it."
I found myself looking up at Earth's sky once again, apprehensive above this new burden. There was no way I would turn this down. If the Wolverines thought it was possible, then it was possible. A future where my people were both free in body and spirit was one I would fight for until my weary body gave out.
"How do we start?"

Happy Tuesday all! :) You know the drill, when posting links please post in this format and no affiliate links!

• Item Name (Color, Color) lululemon.com/
• Ex: Energy bra (Black, Blue) lululemon.com/

BRAS:
Align V Neck Bra in C/D (White, Dark Lavender) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-sports-bras/Align-V-Neck-Bra-CD-Cup?color=60714
Envital Bra *Medium Support B/C Cup (Utility Blue, Kelly Green) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-sports-bras/Envital-Bra?color=60997
Flow Y Strappy Bra Nulu *Light Support, A-C Cups (Black, Utility Blue) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-sports-bras/Flow-Y-Strappy-Bra-Nulu?color=36744
Free to Be Bra Wild Light Support, A/B Cup (Cyan Blue) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-sports-bras/Free-To-Be-Bra-Wild?color=49226
Like a Cloud Ribbed Longline Bra Light Support, B/C Cup (Cyan Blue) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-sports-bras/Like-a-Cloud-LL-Ribbed-BC?color=49226
TOPS:
Align™ High-Neck Tank Top (Dark Lavender, Kelly Green, Cyan Blue) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-tanks/lululemon-Align-High-Neck-Tank-Top?color=60714
Back In Action Short Sleeve Nulu (Dark Lavender) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-t-shirts/Back-in-Action-Short-Sleeve-Nulu?color=60714
Cotton Blend Logo Training Tank Top (Bone, Twilight Rose) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-tanks/Cotton-Blend-Logo-Training-Tank-Top?color=27597
Ebb to Street Cropped Racerback Tank Top (Lilac Smoke, Flush Pink) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-tanks/Ebb-To-Street-RB-Crop-Tank?color=55325
Everlux Asymmetrical Tennis Tank Top (Utility Blue, Kohlrabi Green, Terrazzo Marble Silver Ice Multi) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-tanks/Everlux-Asymmetrical-Tennis-Tank-Top?color=61843
Quick Dry Short Sleeve Polo (Utility Blue, Crushed Granite Multi) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/tops-short-sleeve/Quick-Drying-Short-Sleeve-Polo-Shirt?color=36744
Swiftly Racerback (Dark Lavender, Fluid Wave Lip Gloss/Hot Heat, Kelly Green) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-tanks/Swiftly-Tech-Racerback-2?color=62255
Train to Be Tank Top (Hawaiian Blue) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-tanks/Train-to-Be-Tank-2?color=47900
OUTERWEAR:
Softstreme Perfectly Oversized Cropped Crew (Kohlrabi Green) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-outerweaOversized-Crop-Crew-Softstreme?color=60300
Scuba Oversized Full-Zip (Java) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-outerweaScuba-Oversized-Full-Zip?color=52868
SHORTS / SKIRTS:
Court Rival Skirt Long (Lilac Smoke, Kholrabi Green) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/skirts-and-dresses-skirts/Court-Rival-High-Rise-Skirt-Tall?color=60300
Inner Glow High-Rise Short 3" (Utility Blue) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-shorts/Inner-Glow-Short-3-French-Terry?color=36744
Pace Rival Mid Rise Skirt (Kohlrabi Green, Poolside) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/skirts-and-dresses-skirts/Pace-Rival-Skirt?color=54319
Speed Up High-Rise Lined Short 2.5" (Poolside) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-shorts/Speed-Up-Short-Hi-Rise-2-5?color=54319
Speed Up Low-Rise Lined Short 2.5" (Lip Gloss) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-shorts/Speed-Up-Short-Reg?color=28936
Stretch Woven Relaxed-Fit High-Rise Short 4" (flush pink) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-shorts/Stretch-Woven-Relaxed-Fit-HR-Short-4?color=56852
DRESSES / ROMPERS:
Grid Texture Sleeveless Tennis Dress (Kohlrabi Green) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/skirts-and-dresses-dresses/Grid-Texture-Sleeveless-Tennis-Dress?color=60300
Tiered Pleats Tennis Dress (White, Kohlrabi Green, Black) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/skirts-and-dresses-dresses/Tiered-Pleats-Tennis-Dress/_/prod11460535?color=60300
LEGGINGS:
Align High-Rise Pant 25" (Utility Blue) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-leggings/Align-Pant-2?color=36744
Align™ High-Rise Pant 28" (Utility Blue) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-leggings/Align-Pant-Full-Length-28?color=36744
Wunder Train High-Rise Tight (Twilight Rose) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-leggings/Wunder-Train-HR-Tight-25?color=55138
Wunder Train High-Rise Tight with Pockets 25" (Twilight Rose) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-leggings/Wunder-Train-HR-Tight-Pockets-25?color=55138
JOGGERS / PANTS:
Adapted State High-Rise Cropped Jogger (Velvet Dust, Kelly Green) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-joggers/Adapted-State-Jogger-Crop?color=47780
Softstreme High-Rise Straight-Leg Cropped Pant (Pink Peony) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-sweatpants/Softstreme-HR-Straight-Leg-Crop?color=56496
Stretch High Rise Cropped Pant 23” (Trench, Dark Terracotta) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-trousers/Stretch-HR-Crop?color=40237
ACCESSORIES:
All Night Festival Bag *Micro 2L (Twilight Rose) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/bags/All-Night-Festival-Bag-Micro-2L?color=55138&sz=ONESIZE
All Night Festival Bag 5L (Twilight Rose) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/bags/All-Night-Festival-Bag-Magnet?color=55138&sz=ONESIZE
Daily Multi-Pocket Canvas Tote Bag 20L (Natural/True Navy) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/bags/Dly-Mlti-Pckt-Cnvs-Tote-Bag-20L/_/prod11480063?color=64485&sz=ONESIZE
Dual Pouch Wristlet (Powder Blue/Utility Blue) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/accessories/Dual-Pouch-Wristlet?sz=ONESIZE
Logo Bobby Pins (Kohlrabi Green, Flush Pink, Black, Dark Lavender) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/hair-accessories/Logo-Bobby-Pins-2-Pack/_/prod11460357?color=60300&sz=ONESIZE
RESTOCK:
Wunder Train Contour Fit High-Rise Tight 25" (Wild Indigo) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-leggings/Wunder-Train-HR-Tight-25-Contour-MD?color=58292
MENS:
Pace Breaker Linerless Short 5” Updated (Soft Denim) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/men-shorts/Pace-Breaker-Linerless-Short-5-Update?color=52408
Pace Breaker Linerless Short 7" Updated (College Cobalt, College Crimson, College Purple) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/men-shorts/Pace-Breaker-Short-Linerless-7-Update?color=62328
Pool Short 5" (Atomic Purple, Blossom Silhouette Max Bronze Green Graphite Grey) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/mens-swim/Pool-Short-5/_/prod10950158
Pool Short 7" (Atomic Purple, Night Sea, Vintage Gold) https://shop.lululemon.com/p/mens-swim/Pool-Short-7/_/prod10950107
​

Previous, first, next,
Fanfiction.
​
(A/N) This one turned out to be a long one so its been split between two posts. Enjoy.
​
Chapter 28
The sound of the gunshot still rang in my ears. The room felt hot, almost stifling. Questions ran amok in my head, Did he have a family? Had this been the only option? Was I now just as bad as him? The last few seconds played over and over in my head.
All I could do was look at his body. The scientist laid in front of me–unmoving, his dirty shirt darkening around the wound. I just stared at the life I just took, and for a moment, the questions in my mind became overwhelming.
It wasn't until a hand reached out and grabbed me by the shoulder I was pulled back to the present.
“James!” Warspite’s voice called out. I realised her tiny hands were pulling at me. I met her eyes in a daze, the concern on her face telling me she had already tried calling my name several times now.
“Warspite… I-” I tasted bile in my throat.. My eyes unconsciously broke contact with hers, and meandered back to the body.
“Don't! Look at me, James.” She accentuated her point by cupping my cheeks and forcing me to focus on her and only her. “Eyes on me.”
“Y-yes.” I complied awkwardly.
“I’ve radioed her Majesty, they'll be at the mouth of the river soon. Go with the others and get to the docks. Get out of here.”
A semblance of reason finally returned to my mind. “The others? What about you?”
“I’m going to burn this wretched place to the ground.” Seeing that I was finally cognisant she turned me around in place and pushed me over to the others, ensuing the entire time I couldn't see what I had done. Javelin was quick to receive me in a tiny hug.
Everyone bar Cleveland now had their rigging out, who was still slumped on the floor, holding her sister’s cube with Z23 trying to console her. Zuikaku had her sword drawn and was watching every entrance to the room, her entire body tense, ready to act at a moment's notice with a hard expression.
“Javelin, I need one of your depth charges.” The Dreadnought ordered. “I’ll wire up its timer to level this room.”
“R-right.” Javelin closed her eyes and focused. She lifted up her arms and a large barrel shaped munition appeared in her hands. She passed it over to Warspite with ease. “Here.”
“Good.” She looked to Cleveland. Her tone softened slightly. “Are you good to move?”
“Aye.” She spoke with a sniffle as she stood up, still tightly holding the cube against herself not letting it leave her sight for even a second.
Warspite stared me down. “Turn and leave, keep your eyes forward and don't look back. I'll catch up.”
With a shove she pushed me around and towards the door we had entered from. I stood still for a moment, a part of me wanting to turn back one more time, and I probably would have if not for a small hand reaching out to me. I found Javelin staring at me compassionately, her cheeks and pretty emerald eyes still marked with dried up tears. She stood gently still.
Despite the overbearing desire to do so, Warspite’s words echoed in my head. I jolted forward and didn't look back once.
Cleveland whimpered as we left the building before running ahead of us, through the smoke from the fires that filled the air I was just able to see the source of her dread.
The Montpelier was still in its dock, but where we had left it in an almost pristine condition it was now in a complete state of disrepair, the gun barrels hung limp in their housings, with several having even fallen into the deck. The panels lining the hull were coming apart as the welds and rivets that held them failed, the ship looked to be listing slightly as water was probably leaking in through collapsed bulkheads.
“No…” I heard Cleveland dash past me.
Cleveland scrambled over to her sister’s deteriorating ship, followed close by the rest of the girls, ignoring the muffled sound of an explosion that came from the building behind us.
With burning lungs I finally caught up to her as she reached the dock. “Please, Monty. Don’t go.” The cruiser pleaded, keeping the cube firmly grasped in one hand and placing her palm against the hull.
The ship moved as its weight shifted, a loud scraping noise rang out as the metal grinded against the dock.
Cleveland continued to rub the metal affectionately. “Shh, it's ok. Your big sister is here. Everything will be fine now.”
As was the usual case whenever something happened around these girls the hairs on my neck stood up as both the ship and Cleveland both began to glow.
There was a moment of hope as I looked at the cube clutched in her arm, but it still looked inert, even the light radiating from her body seemed to avoid it.
As I had seen countless times now, the ship became a mass of energy, the light hovering where the ship had previously been before Cleveland suddenly went rigid as the light flowed into her.
The cruiser yelped in pain as her body fought to contain the energy, a hand grabbed my collar and pulled me away. I was too transfixed on the spectacle to see who had done so.
Blood dripped from Cleveland's nose and she dropped to her knees, not letting go of Montpelier’s cube at all. Her rigging glowed bright, and an ethereal shape took form around it. The more I stared at it, the more I understood that this shape had the outline of a rigging, and it was fighting to occupy the same space as Cleveland’s already existing one, who grit her teeth and winced.
A gust of wind blasted around her, and in a matter not too dissimilar to when her rigging had formed, the light coalesced once more. A black line was suddenly drawn along the seam of her cape at the same time it was torn around the edges, followed by the ends of her golden locks of hair lost their lustre, changing into a silver white.
After what had felt like an eternity Cleveland seemingly regained control of her body once again, the tension in her arms and legs relaxed. With sweat dripping from her head she reopened her eyes, and slowly stood back up with laboured breaths. Her left eye shone with a different lustre for a moment, still red, yet a slightly different hue that slowly disappeared as she blinked.
“Are you ok?” I asked, unsure of what being ok could even be classed as right now.
“I thi-” She did a double take as what sounded like two voices came from her mouth, her own overlapping with another one. She put a hand to her mouth and coughed. “I think I am?” Her voice came out normal then. She wiped the blood away from her with her elbow, noticing that the fingerless glove on her right arm now ran across the full length of her elbow.
Running footsteps pulled our attention over to Warspite, who sped over to us. Smoke poured out of the roof of the building behind her, further adding to the cloud surrounding the facility and reducing visibility even further. Any further and I’d begin to choke.
Warspite took a second to stare at Cleveland before quickly returning her attention to the matter at hand, I noticed something hidden within her scarf as she adjusted it. “Commander, we need to move. Cleveland, are you able to sail?” The cruiser gave a slight nod. “Good, Zuikaku take him, the rest of you stay close.”
Slender but firm arms wrapped around me, and the carrier in question slung me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and jumped off the edge of the dock without warning. Zuikaku didn’t even give me a chance to retort as we splashed against the water, quickly gaining speed. I was able to see the others land on the water one by one and begin to follow behind us, quickly catching up. They all had a solemn expression as we once again found ourselves only just escaping complete disaster.
Zuikaku let me go once her feet touched the Warspite’s deck. The ship was already gaining speed and heading towards the relative safety of the open ocean, leaving behind a smoking land, the morning wind fanning the flames even more. I took out my binoculars and dared look back. I knew there would only be burnt rubble left by the time the fires died.
I felt the rush of what had happened slowly die down. A burning at the back of my throat threaded to force me to empty my stomach. The air was hot, almost stifling, it had never stopped burning even after leaving that place. Everyone's eyes were now on me, with the three girls that had stayed back looking with confusion on their faces.
“Get-” I paused, forcing my voice to stay steady and my dinner to stay down. “Get us out to the open sea and stay alert for any ships, Siren or otherwise. Everyone go and get some rest, it's been a long night.”
I did not wait for a reply and made my way inside the ship with unsteady steps, pushing my hands deep into my pockets to try and stop them from shaking. Someone called out to me as I walked but I just ignored it.
It was only when I went to open my cabin door did I realise someone had followed me, a white gloved hand covered mine as I tried to turn the handle.
“Not now, Hood.” I sighed, almost whispering. I turned my head to look at the woman, finding her beautiful blue eyes looking back at me with concern.
“James, I-”
“Please don’t.” I cut her off, wincing at the harshness of my own voice. I felt my stomach churn more, but I just didn't want to deal with anyone right now.
“But-”
“Don’t make me order you.”
The words left my mouth before I even realised. Hood stood still for a moment, mouth agasp and eyes wide with incredulity. She retired her hand away from mine, placing it against her chest. A mixture of emotions ran on her face, ones I didn’t dare look at.
I opened the door and darted inside the cabin before she recovered, slamming it shut behind me.
I stood deathly still for a moment. Was it a minute? Was it an hour? I just stood against the door, my legs feeling numb. Eventually, I heard the distinctive click of Hood’s heels disappear into the distance.
I held for a moment longer. For just a moment longer, I stood alone, bearing the weight. Then it came crashing down.
I ran my hands through my hair and tried to calm myself down. It was hopeless. Blood was on my hands, I could still smell the gunpowder, it was an oppressing scent that overpowered everything else. I found myself staring at my hand, how long had it been locked in that gripping position? I could still feel the weight of the gun.
I felt nauseous.
My arm still ached from the recoil, unable to hold the gun properly without being noticed. I had felt pain shoot up my arm the moment I fired and now even closing my fist was a difficult affair.
Unable to stand still any longer, I began to pace back and forth in the small cabin. Forward and backwards, side to side, the walls closed in on me every time I turned, making it harder and harder to breathe.
“It’s just a trick, it’s all in your head.” I repeated to myself, but the words rang hollow.
The sequence replayed over and over in my head, each time more vivid than the last. The details ran too clearly. Steven’s voice, the whimpers of the girls, my own heart pounding, my own ears ringing.
Cold metal against my skull. My spine freezing.
I sat down on the bed, and cradled my head in my arms. I closed my eyes trying my hardest to force the image out of my head. It was a useless effort.
Without even meaning, I whimpered silently. The sound of something dripping onto the deck pulled my attention away from the memory. Something ran down my face and I realised I had started crying. I tried to wipe my eyes with my sleeve, hoping nobody would come in at this moment. What kind of leader would cry at a time like this? All those girls looked to me for guidance and leadership, yet time after time again I led us straight into disaster
It had been me that had almost cost the girls their freedom. I didn't deserve to be their Commander.
I breathed deeply and tried to get a lid on my emotions and push them down.
“Think practical James. You're just in shock.” I told myself before taking several more deep breaths, remembering the first aid books Hood and I had read together. Thinking of Hood again made me feel miserable.
I reached into my pocket. Even sitting down it still felt like an iron weight pulling me down. I feebly grasped the old wooden handle and pulled the gun back out from where I had quickly stashed it. The scent of burnt gunpowder seemed to double as it entered the open air.
My stomach twisted again, and I let go of it, followed by a rushed scampering. I reached under my bed, not really caring where, just looking for something suitable to get that thing away from me and my mind. I found an old bag and frantically tossed the gun inside, producing a distinctive clicking sound.
“Shit.” I cursed and reached inside with my hand, finding an old bottle of scotch. The opaque, unlabelled glass was thankfully intact, but it showed me my warped, miserable reflection. I don’t know what possessed me then, for I grasped it by the neck and pushed the bag with the gun back under the bed.
I pried it open. It had been a gift from one of the sailors in the fleet. Twisting the wax securing the cap I realised such a bottle was nigh impossible to get on a sailors wage so I guessed this one had probably been listed as smashed during the attack.
I sat further back in my bed and lifted the bottle up to my mouth. The old familiar taste burned my throat as the amber liquid went down but the pleasant warming effect was soon to follow.
Taking another large swig I noticed a third of the bottle had already been drunk. I laid the bottle down and burrowed my head down on the pillow, desperately waiting for the numbing effect of the alcohol to kick in.
I looked once again at the door to my cabin. Part of me wanted nothing more than for one of the girls to open the door and come in, even if it was just to sit in silence with me. Even if it was Hood. God, why did I snap at her like that?
Sighing, my gaze turned to look up at the ceiling as my mind began to wander. I thought of the short time Javelin and I had spent together when we first met. It felt like a lifetime ago when she was showing me around her ship, trying her hardest to impress me with every rivet and weld used in her construction.
And thanks to me she just experienced nightmare after nightmare. Warspite had been right. I just keep throwing myself into situations without thinking about the consequences.
Maybe it would be best for me to just return home. The girls would be far better off leading themselves, I would probably be arrested the moment I returned, but it would be for the best.
I lifted the bottle again.
–
I spent a long while laying on my bed thinking of both home and the small moments of comfort I had shared with the girls, riding out the buzz of the alcohol until it eventually faded. Leaving my mouth dry and the warning signs of an oncoming headache. I didn’t dare drink myself to a stupor, but I drifted listlessly in my thoughts for an unknown amount of time. The ship had stopped moving a while back, and now the light coming through the porthole had darkened. There was a constant soft tapping sound against the hull from a rainstorm.
Both thirst and growing hunger forced me to get up. I left my cabin with a sigh, and was surprised to find a tray with some sandwiches by the door. I never heard anyone knock so I didn't know how long it had been left out for or who left them. Eating them helped sate my hunger and slightly quell the pain in my stomach but also added to the growing guilt of how the girls were willing to go out of their way for me.
I placed the empty tray into my cabin to take to the mess later. I began walking towards the bridge, knowing the ship's owner would be there. I knew if there was anyone on this ship who could set me straight, it was her.
I found the Dreadnought sitting in the captain's chair, her long blond hair and scarf flowing down each side of the chair and her short legs idly dangling in the air. The bridge echoed with the sound of the rain and I could see the droplets flowing down the glass. The cabin was slightly dark, with just the night lights on.
Warspite rested her head in her palms and looked out of the cabin, seemingly unaware of my presence. Not wanting to overly startle someone who controlled naval cannons, I announced my presence as I walked to her side.
“Hey, Warspite. Anything to report?”
She immediately jolted in her seat with a rather cute yelp. She twisted her head towards the source of the noise. “Oh, James. Sorry, I didn't hear you enter.” She placed a hand against her chest to calm her racing heart.
“Aren’t you always able to tell where everyone is on your ship?” I asked, trying to make conversation. Just being in her presence was bringing some welcome relief, I didn't know why but it was like I could always be at ease around her.
“That still holds true, but my mind was elsewhere.” Her eyes shifted nervously and she pulled her scarf up slightly.
Her face turned to a look of concern. I knew what she was going to say before she even spoke. “How are you feeling?.”
“I’m fine.” I quickly replied, suddenly unable to meet her gaze.
“Poppycock. I can smell the alcohol James.”
I cursed the girl's heightened senses. I had come to the bridge to find someone to talk to, but now confronted with it I wanted to be anywhere but here.
“I just… We wouldn’t have gotten into that situation if it wasn’t for me. It’s always like this. It’s always on me. You keep risking yourselves and it’s my fault.”
“It’s not like that, James. We are yours to command. Danger will happen one way or the other.”
I trembled with a myriad of feelings, but the one that overtook me the most was frustration. “You have better chances to survive without me leading you into stupid danger.”
I could see her eyes widening, but I continued before she had the chance to react. “You are irreplaceable, all of you. If that happens again, I want all of you to get to safety even if it means leaving me behind. You deserve better than some guy who’s always winging it.”
Warspite sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. She hopped down from the chair and stepped forward until she was right in front of me. She placed her hands behind her back and tilted her head up. “Could you lean forward for me please? My head height will do.” She asked politely.
Confused, I leaned forward until our eyes met at the same level. The pupils of her eyes seemed to widen as she studied every aspect of my face. After a few seconds had passed I began to wonder what she was doing.
In a flash her face twisted to anger and she slapped me across the face with enough force to make me stumble. My hand immediately went to where she had hit feeling a burning sting, there was a slight taste of blood in my mouth. Then I felt her weight on my chest.
“Don’t!” I could feel her trembling on my chest. “Don't you dare ever say something like that again!” She balled her hands into fists and hit my chest repeatedly while stomping her foot into the deck, a sight all too familiar from her sister.
I stood idly and dumbfounded as she vented her frustrations. Warspite then wrapped her arms around me and pulled us into a tight hug, burying her face into my chest. The sudden hug only added to my surprise. Barring the occasional time’s she had offered her hand in comfort and how she had scoffed whenever the other girls had hugged me I had figured she wasn't one for personal contact. And yet, I hugged her back, trying to comfort her, or was she the one comforting me? It was hard to tell.
We both stood in silence for what felt like an eternity. Warspite didn't say anything during the entire time, only keeping a tight grip around my waist while keeping her head against my chest. There wasn't any sobbing or crying, but I could feel a slight dampness on my shirt from her tears.
Once she had decided that enough time had passed Warspite finally let go and stood back, wiping at her eyes in an attempt to hide the fact she’d been crying. “You…” Her voice was shaky, obviously trying with all her might to keep her emotions at bay. “You are not to say such things again. I swore an oath to protect you with my life and by my boilers I will uphold that oath until my last breath, dammit! No matter how difficult you make it for me! You are also irreplaceable, James. Never, ever forget that!” There was a slightest bit of a smile with her last comment.
Sighing I leaned against a console and rubbed my head. “I’m sorry. I can see how much your oaths mean to you. It's just it would be all my fault if something happened to you girls.”
“Don’t apologise, your reasoning is a noble one.” Warspite shook her head and pulled my face back to face hers again. “You, my sisters and Her Majesty are my dearest people in my life, and I couldn't live with myself if something was to happen to any of you, I would rather be the one laid low if it would ensure you had each other.”
A confident smile returned to her face. “But you needn't worry. I will always find the strength to get us out of any situation we find ourselves in.”
“I wish I had even an iota of your confidence.” I replied, my spirits lifting once again just by being in her presence.
“Comes with having eight fifteen inch guns to back me up.” The battleship boasted proudly, her smile turning tender afterwards. “But you shouldn't sell yourself short. Despite the outcomes of your actions, it's obvious to anyone your heart is in the right place and that the decisions you make are right and just.”
She gave a long sigh, her eyes flickering to a side, her lips pursing into a thin line. I followed her gaze to a small object on her chair. I could barely make out what it was.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Something I've been meaning to talk to you about, but I was going to give it a little more time before bringing it up.” Warspite replied as she walked over to fetch it. She presented a small notebook to me. “When I was setting the fuse in the depth charge I couldn't help but look over his body, if only to spit at it. However I spotted this jutting out of his pocket.”
I examined the item further. The black leather bindings showed it was rather valuable, but the paper inside looked yellowed and worn with several loose papers clasped inside. And finally there was the slightest hint of blood on the bottom edge, hastily dried to ensure the contents were not damaged.
“What's… What’s written inside?” I asked. A pregnant silence followed. “...Do I even want to know?”
“That's the thing. I haven't looked yet.” She moved the weight of the notebook around in her hands, half treating it with care like it was a priceless artefact and half looking like she wanted to throw it to the ground. “I can hazard a guess as to what it will entail, and that's what got me perplexed.”
I started to put the pieces together. “If it was in his lab coat then…”
“It's probably his notes on the experiments he ran.” The battleship finished. “In conflict, knowledge–both of yourself and your foe, is power. This book may contain valuable information regarding my kind and what we are capable of.” She looked down at the book and rubbed the leather with her thumb. “But.”
“The way that information was obtained was nothing short of a crime against humanity.”
“Rather more against ship kind if we’re being accurate.” She half joked with a tense smile. “I wanted to ask what you think I should do with this. Her Majesty told me to trust my judgement when I asked her, but I also value your opinion on this.”
Scratching my chin, I looked at the book. Within it may be invaluable information that may help us begin to piece together some of the mysteries of this world. But then I thought of Cleveland and what had happened to her sister. “I’m sorry Warspite, but ultimately this is about your kind. I’d rather have it be one of your kind who ultimately makes that decision.”
“I had a feeling you’d say something along those lines.” She said with a sincere smile, putting the notebook to the side. “I’ll give it some thought. Probably for the best as I’m sure the contents will only worsen my already low opinion of humans. That and I want to get Cleveland’s permission as well, but I’ll give her some time to recover first.”
“Cleveland...” I thought out loud. “How’s she been?”
“Reclusive.” Warspite sighed. “Once we were back on the ship we asked if she needed anything. She just shook her head and began aimlessly wandering my ship, from what I can tell she hasn’t eaten much or spoken to anyone since.”
“Where is she now?”
“Out on deck.” Warspite nodded her head towards the window. “Near the railing by the port side of B turret, she’s been out there since the rain started.”
“Oh?” I tried to look out the window to catch a glimpse of the cruiser, but the turret was blocking the view. I kicked myself for being so distracted when we got back to the ship. “I’ll go make sure she’s ok. Keep us out in the open ocean for now, we’ll figure out our next move soon. I’m sure Z23 can give us a good idea of what our supplies are like.”
“Roger, I’ll keep a lookout for anything.”
Just as I turned to leave I felt her hand grab mine. I looked back to see what it was she wanted. After rocking on her feet a few times she finally spoke “Uh… about what happened this morning, if you wish to talk about any of it. I'm always willing to lend an ear.” There was the slightest hint of a blush on her cheeks
“Thanks… it's been a shock to the system, I'll be sure to remember your offer if I need it.” I made way towards the door. I stopped at the frame. “Warspite?”
“Hm?”
“Thank you. I know I say it a lot, but I truly mean it. Thank you for everything.” I said with gratitude. I left the bridge and walked out into the rain with a smile.
​
(A/N) Part 2 should come out shortly after this one. Or you can find it in its entirety on Fanfiction.

Let's just jump right into it! Hopefully this helps some blind buying souls such as myself. Here are some reviews:
Afnan 9PM - JPG Ultra Male: Picked up a bottle at Amazon for $35USD at the suggestion of one of the users in one of my previous threads. Typical paper cardboard housing with Afnan branding. But we're here for the juice anyways. Basic design but... premium feeling. Nice weight, the atomizer cap is also premium. Good strong spray that outputs a cloud of mist, very good atomizer. First spray you're hit with a citrus and lavender scent, fairly fruity, but this almost immediately leaves and is replaced by a very warm scent which I would describe as a spicy amber. This sticks around but only as an undertone to the extreme vanilla. It's not overpowering, but it's identifiable. Very nice. The first time I sprayed it, I immediately identified the JPG heritage in it, I have owned Le Male and that vanilla is identifiable anywhere. Highly recommend. 8/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Ana Abiyedh Rouge - Baccarat Rouge 540: If this is an accurate BR540 clone, I can confidently say the scent is very mid. Leans heavily on wood and amber, gives CK Obsession vibes oddly. I wear this because others are in love with it. Have gotten raving compliments. But I also rarely wear it alone, layering it with CDNIM. Great performance, lasting many hours projecting, and when it becomes a skin scent it's there until you wash your clothes I swear. Edit: I got a BR540 authentic decant, it's VERY similar. Like REALLY similar. The price difference on the two is nuts. 6/10. Would I wear it again: Reluctantly Would I want to smell it on someone else: Not really Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Armaf Odyssey Homme - Dior Homme Intense/Valentino Uomo Intense: Almost tobacco spicy like smell on first spray, then settles into a vanilla amber. Lots and lots of amber and vanilla with this one. Good winter fragrance. Affordable price. Average projection and performance of 4-5 hours max. Not really for me honestly, it doesn't stand out. 6/10. Would I wear it again: Meh Would I want to smell it on someone else: Not really Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Belcam Shades of Blue - D&G Light Blue: A fantastic fresh fragrance, and for the price it's amazing. Definitely the best smelling Belcam cologne yet in my opinion - other than the shit performance. It's so bad guys. Spray and it's become a skin scent within 20 minutes max. Over spray like crazy for a slight chance at this sticking around. Fantastic as just a pillow spray/room scenter imo. 6.5/10, major dings for performance. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Belcam Geau Black - ADG Profumo: Has a pepper musk added to the original Acqua Di Gio scent, and I'm not sure I like it. Mid performance, lasting perhaps an hour. Great price as always from Belcam. 5/10. Would I wear it again: Eh Would I want to smell it on someone else: Meh Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Belcam Geau Original - ADG: When I picked this one up I had a bottle of the original ADG on hand, and upon spraying both on both arms, I found Belcams perfume actually lasted longer than the OG. It is more linear than ADG, but after letting my dad (who's worn ADG for years) try to distinguish between the two after the dry down, he picked Belcams perfume as his choice for which more accurately represented what he thinks of when he sprays ADG! Very intriguing. Good price as always! 7.5/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Belcam Classic Match - Drakkar Noir: This is obviously intended to be a clone of Drakkar Noir. I have a bottle on hand, so I was able to compare the two. Personally I find the original Drakkar to be midtier at best in terms of performance and general smell, but I digress. Spraying both on me, the initial scent and the dry down both had Classic Match as a dead ringer for Drakkar! There was a bit of a pine undertone that perhaps was not quite right, but very easy to miss. Oddly, when I let my brother and father try out distinguishing the two in the initial spray, they both disagreed with me that one smelled vastly different from the other. It's possible their sniffers were off as we had been at new perfume testing for a while by that point. I have to disagree with them, it's a really good clone. 7/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Belcam Geau Blue - ADG Profondo: This one from Belcam takes all the notes of ADG that we love and gives it a...well...blue smell! It smells fresher, more vibrant than the original ADG. I have gotten many compliments on this one. Again though, it doesn't last for too long. Maybe an hour to an hour and a half max. Great price! A strong clone of ADG Profondo. 8/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Belcam Volatile - Viktor and Rolf Spicebomb: This thing succeeds in being a spicebomb-esque clone. It is incredibly spicy, and called volatile for a reason. That being said, it's a lovely fragrance, for a super affordable price, you can't go wrong with this one. Lasting an hour or so before becoming skin scent, it's one of my favorites from this house. 7.5/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Club de Nuit Sillage - Creed Silver Mountain Water: So intriguing. I've never seen someone capture the smells of both metallic twang and freshwater nature green in the same scent. A good price, from a good house, and well worth a try. 7.5/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Creed Virgin Island water: Opens very tropical, lemony with a coconut oil background, it's not as straight coconut as I expected, and has a much appreciated twist of citrus. It quickly dies down into a lemony coconut. I can still faintly smell this on myself as a skin scent like 12 hours later. Not bad. Pretty good as a summer fragrance. Gives me "out of the shower" lotion vibes. 7/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Time will tell...
Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue: Didn't realize the original light blue wasn't unisex lol so I ended up trying the women's version. It opens with a ton of citrus, lemon, and then it gave me lemondrops, it kind of got more candy like. After a few minutes on it's settled into a solid lemon citrus where I expect it to remain. 6/10 Would I wear it again: No Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Not for me. Too linear and citrus sweet.
English Laundry's Tahitian Waters: Picked this up for $4 at Marshall's on discount, an absolute steal I could not pass up. It has a bottle that captivates me for some reason, chrome at some angles, nearly see through at others. It has a faint alcohol smell to it, but it's not a big deal. I definitely get citrus, and some have described the dry down as musk with baked cookies. Overall very tropical, and super refreshing! It's downfall is weak performance, gone within the hour almost. Fairly strong sillage, many people being able to smell it on me after application from a few feet away! Likeable, and a nice summer frag. 7.5/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it! If you can get it on the cheap, it's a nice addition to any lineup.
Guerlain Angelique Noir: On first spray you're hit with the most pleasant authentic vanilla bean you've ever smelled. There's a bit of a woody musk background, but this leaves in around an hour for me where only pure sweet vanilla remains. It's a very premium, rich, seductive scent of intense vanilla. 7.5/10 Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: No. It's way overpriced for what it is. It's good, but not THAT good. I don't think I'll look beyond my little sample for this one.
Hermes H24: A very woody/green fragrance, it's herbal at it's...almost finest? It smells like boiled peanuts up close to me, not in a bad way necessarily, but also not in a good way. This may be due to the floral notes similar to that of peanut oil or something. Either way, it's a decent pick for the price, projection is just ok, lasted on me for 4 hours before becoming skin scent.... nothing too special, but it smells different which is always nice. Just didn't wow me. 6.5/10. Would I wear it again: Eh. Yeah I guess. Would I want to smell it on someone else: Not really, it's not bad I just wouldn't seek it out. Would I buy the full bottle: Probably not. It's just not for me.
Kilian Angel's Share: I'm in love. This is what love is. I thought I loved cooking. I thought I loved puppies. I thought I loved my parents. No. I love Kilian Angel's Share. This is my top fall fragrance, #1 for clubbing, #1 for evocativeness, #1 for NOSTALGIA. This has personal meaning for me, but when I was younger, sometimes my parents would make desserts for us, and one of my favorites was apple pie. They made it with cinnamon and the most delicious syrupy sweet apples and perfectly crisp crust. This fragrance takes me back to those times. Some insist there is no apple note and that what I'm smelling is just the cinnamon, perhaps this is true, but I die on the hill that this fragrance smells exactly like vanilla, cognac, and homemade cinnamon apple pie :) Its expensive, but in my opinion, you can't put a price on memories and emotions, and that's what this fragrance brings to me. I recently got a good deal on a full bottle, thank you to the user that helped me go back to when I was 8 years old with just a single spray. 9/10, price is a hold up if you're looking at retail. Would I wear it again: Always Would I want to smell it on someone else: I would pass away or propose on the spot Would I buy the full bottle: Never discontinue this Kilian.
Lattafa Asad - Dior Sauvage Elixir: I hate the original sauvage. It offends my nose in so many ways, and I'm not a fan. This however, as a clone of elixir, with it's stronger emphasis on spice and "christmastime" succeeds in taking the little that is good from the original Sauvage and makes it delicious. A very good winter fragrance, at a very good price, with decent performance of 3-4 hours. 8/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Lattafa Fakhar - YSL Y: I've never owned YSL Y, so I can't vouch for it's accuracy, but I love this one so much. It's such a good fresh scent to spray on, I've gotten many compliments on it, it's price is great, it has good projection, pretty sweet though so if that's not your thing...The performance is nothing to write home about, lasting 3.5 hours max. Blind buy safe for sure. Edit: Everyone claims this is a YSL Y clone, but I got a sample of Valentino Uomo Born in Roma and the two smell very similar. Please let me know if anyone else has experienced this. 7/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Lattafa Khamrah - Kilian Angels Share: My first boozy cologne, and a blind buy, I was a little worried. I've heard this takes ideas from Angel's Share but perhaps leans towards its own scent profile. Either way, I like Khamrah. It gives a lot of clubbing vibes, and it is a very thick scent, so I'm careful how I spray this one. Great performance, average pricing, interesting packaging. A good cologne to round out your scent profiles in your collection if you are yet to partake in a boozy one. Very sweet. Fragrantica describes it's notes as boozy/balsamic, and I agree. Edit: Got an Angel's Share sample, the two are not particularly alike. The boozy apple smell is very prominent in Angels Share, and I almost smell alcoholic apple pie. I prefer Angels Share in terms of just scent profile. 7/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Maison Alhambra Bright Peach - TF Bitter Peach: Assaults my nose. I used to hate this fragrance, after using it a couple times, I now just dislike it. Both parents and siblings disliked. Woman friend disliked. It's just too sickly thick in my opinion. Maybe I need more time. 4/10. Edit, I've now worn it a few more times, it's been a week, and I even voluntarily reached for it today. I still found it very cloying, but after about an hour it calmed down and even netted a compliment from a friend! 6/10. Second edit: I got an authentic sample of Bitter peach, the two are close (maybe 80% similar) but the Alhambra is much less light and much more cloying 6.5/10. Would I wear it again: It keeps getting better so yes. Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Maison Alhambra Kismet Angel: Starts off like 85% angels share, it lacks the boozy note that fills the air on first spray. However in the dry down it becomes more like 93% similarities, as the cinnamon intensifies just like AS. Projection is good, about equivalent performance with Angels Share. An hour later I'm amending that, worse performance than AS, it's not quite as potent. Can definitely over spray a bit on this one, I went for three sprays, two wrist one neck. For its lifetime on me it remained as an "Almost Angel's Share". I would buy this. 8.5/10 Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Yes
Maison Alhambra Rose Petals - TF Rose Prick: Bought this for mother. It's definitely rose, and definitely floral. It has powdery notes, and does have some amber going on. I think it's a good scent, just not for either of us when we tried it on. Would like it on an SO. 6/10, pretty linear. Would I wear it again: No Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Maison Alhambra Toscano Leather - TF Tuscan Leather: Disclosure I've never smelled the original. This is probably the most I've seen people split on a fragrance. Every guy I've spoken to loves this, it feels very masculine with notes of leather, oil, and tobacco/cigarettes. Every woman I've spoken to hated it. I'm big on this one, I love the smell of leather and this captures it perfectly. Performance is pretty good, lasting about 4-5 hours before fading to a lasting skin scent. 7.5/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it
Maison Margiela Replica Coffee Break: I've so far owned two official samples and one traveler of this stuff, and it's one of my favorites from the Replica series. It has a vanilla latte thing going on. Definitely coffee in the opener, and becomes that vanilla latte maybe 50 minutes to an hour after the initial spray on. Very strong performer! 6 hours later I can still smell it easily as a skin scent, for around 3 hours I could easily smell it in the air around me. Garnered two compliments in the same day, truly a lovely scent. Fall leaning I would say, it's fairly sweet. 7.8/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Yes...once I work my way through all that I have currently I probably will.
Maison Margiela Replica Matcha Meditation: Opening thoughts - This fragrance makes me feel something. It's not the best smelling ever, but man I feel good wearing it. It's floral, I get green tea, matcha, and mochi with chocolate or vanilla ice cream. It feels light to me, and airy upon first spray. I don't anticipate this as a scent that will garner lots of compliments, but I am happy wearing this. 30 minutes later thoughts - Scent has calmed down a bit, for a moment it was fairly strong, now it is much more linear, I'm getting mainly vanilla, with some very green herbal background. 1-2 hours - scent has begun fading to a skin scent, still vanilla and herbal. 7/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Maybe
Memo French Leather: Opens floral with a very subtle leather undertone. Immediately in the dry down I begin to get more of a premium leather smell. Leather and rose, but the rose is more dominant and primary than the leather in this one. Matures nicely, and last around 8 hours on me. 7.5/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Maybe
Nautica Voyage: No perfume has ever given me such instant gratification in the summertime as Voyage. It beats ADG Original and Profondo/Profumo soundly in my opinion. I get tons of melon in the opening, and it remains fairly linear. For a reliable, dependable, affordable (very) fragrance, this is a winner in my book, I've even used it as a pillow spray. It lasted a few hours before I had to reapply, but again it's so cheap it's no big deal. I get compliments every time I wear it. It's very versatile and my favorite application time is right out of a hot shower. 9/10. Best time to wear: Spring/Summer Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Already did. Yes. All day long.
PDM Layton: Feels like a cross between 85% JPG and 15% Spicebomb. Is a very nice warm vanilla with some woody spice going on in the background. I didn't feel it was worth the hype, but I wore it during the summer, so wintertime I may feel different. Had pretty good performance! I could smell it on me easily for a couple hours after I had applied just in the air, it only lasted about 5 hours before fading to a skin scent for me with around 3.5 sprays. 7/10, because it didn't stand out to me for the pricetag it's associated with. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Probably not. There's no shortage of good winter frags out there, I just don't think I would reach for this enough for the money.
Tom Ford Lost Cherry: Boozy cherries with...almond I think? Feels more feminine leaning, but also I don't care because this one ranks high for me on my list. It smells VERY intoxicating, and the cherry is unique, with the booziness adding a hint of seductiveness. Fairly linear scent that lasted maybe a few hours on me, nothing special there, but the notes are to die for. A very good one for layering as well! I'm a fan of this one from Mr. Ford, with points off for performance and price point issues - 8/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: If my wallet permits, at least a partial.
Tom Ford Soleil Neige: Makes me feel warm and fresh. A little powder, a little floral. Dry down gives me tons of floral vanilla. Unisex but in my opinion leans more feminine. Has netted a few compliments. 8/10 Best time to wear: Spring/Summer Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Maybe
Qaed Al Fursan: Pineapple for sure, smells very appealing, synthetic and powdery when smelled very close for first few seconds after spray. Does not last long at all. Maybe like an hour max. Over spray for sure. Magnetic cap is a nice touch! Price is competitive to say the least. A very nice mixer to CDNIM EDP. 6/10. Update: I am bumping the rating of this cologne to 7. After letting it macerate, the performance improved about an hour, the scent became less synthetic in the dry down, and the powdery bit was less pronounced. People in my family have RAVED about the smell of this one. I went into this thinking it was somehow an Aventus clone or something, and I wasn't letting it just be its own thing. As a fruity pineapple that I find to be absolutely seductive, I can't recommend this one enough. However, it's scent profile is very linear, so keep that in mind, but you can always be confident in how consistent it is. 8/10. Would I wear it again: Yes Would I want to smell it on someone else: Yes Would I buy the full bottle: Have it

I need someone to give me HONEST feedback on my novel. I used AI to write this and it's my first time writing a book, so I'm not sure what I need to do better. Thanks in advance :)
​
CHAPTER ONE: THE FRACTURING
Daestopia was one of the billions of worlds in the Multirealm, and it was a serene, flowing land. Lush green forests carpeted its rolling hills, while rolling blue rivers wound through the valleys, and a vast stretch of sky above was dotted with twinkling stars. The people here lived in harmony with nature and each other. And there he sat, Ares, perched on a weathered wooden chair, his gaze unwavering and intense. His midnight black hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, with not one strand out of place. His eyes were bright blue and sparkled like sapphires as he surveyed the room. He seemed untouchable, as if nothing could ever disturb him. But that was until the day everything changed. That was the day when The Fracturing descended upon Daestopia. Speaking the dreaded word out loud made people shudder as their hearts raced with fear, knowing that it marked the end of everything they had ever known. It was an apocalypse unlike any other, leaving behind only ruins in its wake. The sun shone brightly in the village of Earltree, where farmers tilled their fields and smoke rose from the workshops of the blacksmiths. People went about their day, blissfully unaware of what was to come. Ares was a popular young man- his copper hair and chiseled features attracted admiration, but it was his interactions with nature that truly inspired reverence. Many thought he had some kind of gift, which made sense considering his father's reputation as a great warrior. Little did they know that Ares possessed a gift far beyond what they could imagine. As he strolled through the fields, he felt a deep connection with nature, a bond that was unbreakable. He could feel the pulse of the plants and hear the whispers of the wind. It was as if he could communicate with the earth itself. And when The Fracturing hit, it was this gift that saved him. Ares stood up from his chair, feeling an inexplicable sense of unease. The air around him grew colder, and the trees began to rustle, leaves shaking off their branches as if trying to flee. A flock of birds flew overhead, their chirping turning into panicked cawing as they headed south. Ares knew something was wrong but couldn't quite put his finger on it. That was until he saw the crack in the sky. It started out small, just a hairline fracture that went unnoticed by most. But to Ares, it was like watching a wound slowly tear open. The crack grew wider and wider until it looked like a jagged scar cutting across the sky. A bright light shone through the crack, blinding in its intensity. The people of Daestopia were in a state of shock as they ran through the streets, trying to save what little they could carry. Ares couldn't help but feel sorry for them as he watched them stumble and fall amongst the debris. That was when the monsters appeared. They were hideous creatures, twisted forms of living flesh and steel. Their eyes burned with an inhuman hatred, and their claws glowed as they tore through anything that dared to stand in their way. Townships were destroyed as if by some fierce gale force wind or tidal wave- all in a single nightmarish instant! People screamed for help but no one answered them; only the sound of destruction remained. The people of Daestopia were in a state of shock as they ran through the streets, trying to save what little they could carry. Ares couldn't help but feel sorry for them as he watched them stumble and fall amongst the debris. And soon there was no trace left of Daestopia's serene beauty - not even a memory survived The Fracturing... Daestopia would never be the same. Desperate hope filled our hearts as we began to search for a savior. Someone who could be a hero, someone to free us from this tyranny, and grant us new life. If only we could find them, if only they existed...
​
CHAPTER TWO: MEETING BJORN
Ares lay in the mud, his small body twisted and broken like a discarded toy. Tears streamed down his face as he cried for help, but his voice was lost in the deafening silence of destruction. All around him, debris from what was once his home littered the landscape like a scene from a post-apocalyptic movie. His heart sunk deeper as he looked around and realized that no one was coming to his aid. He was alone in a world gone mad, doomed to slowly fade away if left on his own. Just then, something made Ares jump from fear – the sound of footsteps! At first he thought it might be someone come to help him but when the figure became clearer in sight, Ares saw with shock that it wasn't a rescuer at all but an old man stepping out amongst ruins like some ancient sage crossed over into another realm by nefarious destiny. The stranger had white hair so long and flowing; only aided further by its brightness against the greyscale backdrop of ruin surrounding them both. His face spoke of untold wisdom and years spent among those who could truly understand life’s struggles yet possessed enough confidence never surrendering hope for better days ahead - even during times such as these. "Hello there young one," said the old man in calming tones "it looks as though you can use some comfort." His voice carried warmth, inviting happiness rather than despair or dread which could have been expected under such circumstances. Ares cautiously looked up at the old man and in a timid voice asked "Who- who are you?" The old man smiled warmly, his wrinkles deepening from joy as he replied. “Do not be frightened young man, I am here to help.” As soon as he spoke those words all of Ares' fear was gone and replaced by hope and faith that maybe this strange person could make something good out of such chaos after all? Just then before either of them had time to react further, terrifying roars echoed through their ears piercing the sky like lightning! Both stilled on instinct looking around wildly for its source – what they saw made their hearts race with terror - A giant monster was coming straight towards them! A fierce roar shook the air as menacing red eyes glared, glinting with predatory hunger. Fangs longer than swords shone in the moonlight, striking terror into the hearts of all who witnessed them. Before Ares could scream in terror, it fell to the ground with a thunderous crash. An arrow had pierced right through its heart. Ares spun around with a gasp and saw the old man standing there, bow drawn, an arrow ready to fire. The man had appeared out of nowhere and saved his life. Ares' voice cracked with emotion as he looked the old man in the eye. "Th- Thank you!" he screamed, his gratitude radiating from him with tears flowing down his eyes. "You- You saved my life! Just who are you?" he questioned in awe. "My identity is irrelevant. You will be enlightened soon enough. But now, follow m - there's no time to waste!" The old man offered Ares his hand, and Ares gladly accepted it. He kept his hand in the old man's as he walked beside him, not knowing where they were going. And finally after some time Ares asked "Where are we going?" The old man smiled and answered, “Home. We’re going home." Eventually, they reached a small hut in the middle of nowhere. The old man motioned for Ares to take a seat while he rummaged around in the hut, eventually pulling out some bread with his withered hands. He placed the food on a table and said, “Eating this will give you strength.” Ares began to wolf down the bread hungrily as he listened in curiosity to what the old man had to say next. The old man then pulled up a chair so that they were sitting face-to-face and said, “I have seen many sorrowful things throughout my life; but I never tire of seeing people come back from despair when all hope has been lost". He paused for a moment before continuing: "My name is Bjorn - an ancient sage charged with guiding men across times of distress; Ready always for adversity and prepared should fate put its faithless test against which none can ever stand guard." Ares gazed at him in awe filled silence too stunned by his words even though he understood them not completely. Bjorn smiled and continued speaking, "Many have lost their way in these dark times, but you have the strength to find your path again. You survived, young one, and that is something to be proud of. Your journey has only begun, and I am here to guide you." Ares listened intently as Bjorn spoke of courage, resilience, and never giving up despite the odds. He learned about ways to harness his internal strength and become a warrior both in mind and body. With each passing day, Ares looked forward to their lessons with Bjorn, eager to absorb as much as he could from the wise old sage. But one day, during a training session, Ares finally found the courage to ask what had been plaguing his mind for days: “Bjorn, why are you helping me? What makes me so special?” Bjorn chuckled gently before replying, “You have been chosen for a great task," Ares' eyes widened in astonishment. "What task?" he asked eagerly. Bjorn took a deep breath and replied, "There is a prophecy that foretells of a great war that will engulf the land. It is a war between good and evil. You, Ares, are the chosen one - the one who will lead the charge against evil and restore peace to this land." Ares looked at Bjorn with disbelief, but as he saw the sincerity in the old man's eyes he knew that there was truth to his words. He had always felt a sense of destiny calling out to him, and now he finally knew why. Bjorn stood up slowly, his eyes shining with purpose. "It is time to begin your training in earnest. The task ahead will not be easy, but I have faith that you will succeed. You must learn to harness the power within you and become a true warrior of light." Ares nodded eagerly, his heart pounding with excitement. He was ready for whatever lay ahead. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months and months turned into years as Ares trained relentlessly under Bjorn's tutelage. With each passing day, he grew stronger and more confident, his skills in combat improving vastly. But even as he honed his physical prowess, he also delved deeper into the mysteries of magic and spirituality under Bjorn's guidance. He learned how to channel the energy of the universe through his body and mind, gaining greater control over his abilities until he felt like a master of his own destiny. "Say," Bjorn said as the sat back down in his chair. "have you heard of the Xonin?"Ares furrowed his brow. The Xonin? It sounded vaguely familiar, like some half-remembered myth from the distant past. "No, I haven't," he admitted. Bjorn's eyes glinted as he spoke. "The Xonin is the legendary artifact that wields the power to cure what ails our planet. If you don't find it in time, the world is doomed." Ares shivered at the thought. "What does this have to do with me?" Bjorn leaned forward, his gaze intense. "The Barrier is broken. The Barrier that diverges our world from others has been fractured, and the Xonin is the only thing that can repair it." He paused for a moment before continuing: "You have been chosen for this task. The Xonin would not let you die, that's why you're alive right now." Ares felt a sense of dread wash over him. The fate of the entire world was now resting on his shoulders, and he was not sure if he was ready for such a responsibility. But he knew that he had come too far to give up now. He took a deep breath and asked, "Where can I find the Xonin?" Bjorn smiled knowingly. He got up from his heat and grabbed a thick, dusty book. It looked like it was decades old. "Take this." Bjorn handed him the book. "What's this?" Ares said as the held the book in his hands. It was extremely heavy. "This is my logbook. I have recorded all my adventures and journeys inside this very book." Bjorn replied. Ares opened the book, and his eyes widened as he saw pages upon pages filled with notes and sketches. "This is amazing," Ares said quietly. "I can't believe you've been to all these places." Bjorn chuckled. "Yes, I've seen many worlds in my time. But there's one in particular that you need to visit." He pointed to a map inside the book. "Here - this is the world of Ziraxia. It's a dangerous place, filled with ancient ruins and powerful magic, but the Xonin resides there." Ares studied the map carefully, his heart racing with excitement. "You're giving this to me?" Ares asked with a face of amazement. "I have no need for it anymore, and someone like you deserves it." Bjorn replied. Ares felt honored to be trusted with something so valuable. He knew that he would have to travel to Ziraxia alone, but he felt reassured knowing that he had Bjorn's logbook as a guide. Ares' face suddenly turned upside down. "Bjorn, I don't think I'm ready." Ares said while setting down the book slowly. "It's too much work. I'm only 9 years old after all." Bjorn smiled and held Ares' hand firmly. "You'll be ready in no time. I will train you, and teach you all you need to know." Ares' felt a little better now, and he decided to head to sleep. "I'm tired. Can I go sleep somewhere?" Bjorn showed him around. There was a nice, comfortable pile of hay in front of him, which looked very comfortable. "You can sleep here," Bjorn said "though it may not look comfortable, you'll get used to it soon." Ares didn't think twice before jumping onto the mound of hay and quickly falling into a peaceful sleep. Bjorn put out the torch and walked out of the room, with a huge grin on his face, knowing that he had found Daestopia's next savior.

S Tier (Smells Fantastic)

• literally nothing lol

A Tier (Smells Good)

• Evoker - Smells of different ingredients made for making potions, similar to the smell of people who are cooking.
• PillageVindicator - Although they are remorseless killers, they seem to be very tidy and organised, likely take care of their personal hygiene.
• Ender Dragon - There isn't anything in the end that would cause it to smell bad. With it also being from another dimension, it may even smell great.

B Tier (Smells Alright)

• Blaze - Likely just smells like smoke and fire, but is usually associated with comfort. Maybe not so much in the Nether.
• Piglin Brute - Would smell very smoky, possibly even like bacon. Although, it's a pig and probably sweats like one.
• Witch - Although they live in a swamp, they likely also take care of their personal hygiene. Plus, some don't even live in a swamp, so it's a bit of a mixed answer.
• Shulker - Kind of like clam, would smell preserved with a bit of a mineral smell (from the Purpur blocks).
• Silverfish - Normally wouldn't smell of anything, but their size would amplify the smell. Would just smell like stone and water.
• Skeletons - Assuming they are fully decomposed, they wouldn't really smell of anything besides earth.
• Vex - Since they're ghost-like, they wouldn't really have much of a smell. Maybe a faint, metallic scent could come from their swords?
• Enderman - Wouldn't smell of much besides earth and crystals. Similar kind of smell to a pawn shop at the beach.

C Tier (Smells Eh)

• Creeper - Prior to exploding, would just smell like grass and gunpowder. After exploding, would make the whole area smell of sulfur (not sure if this counts since it's dead).
• Guardian - Would just smell like fish, which depending on your viewpoint, can be nice or horrid.
• Spider - Usually, tarantulas smell almost vinegary, which isn't too bad. May need to take into account the rotting insects they've consumed.
• Hoglin - Similar to a pig, but lives in the Nether. Perhaps the smoke may mask the smell of sweat and manure.
• Phantom - Although they are technically undead mobs, I don't think they smell like rotting corpses like zombies would. I think they'd smell more like bats since they only appear at night.
• Stray - You wouldn't really be able to smell them due to the temperature. But if you could, would smell similar to skeletons, maybe a bit earth from the snow?
• Endermite - Wouldn't really smell of anything besides faint minerals.
• Cave Spider - Would smell like damp minerals, possibly with a hint of mildew. Nothing too overpowering.

D Tier (Smells Bad)

• Slime - Would harbour lots of bacteria and wouldn't smell too pleasant. Plus, they're usually found in the swamp or caves so would smell a lot like decomposing plants and sulfur.
• Ravager - Would smell a lot like a wild elephant of hippo, except maybe with some old blood on its horns. Not good.
• Husk - Similar to a zombie, but the heat of the desert may have dried it out a bit, making the smell a bit more tolerable.
• Ghast - This is a tough one since I'm not sure what they are. Regardless, they float above lava and shoot fireballs; would have a mixed smell of sulfur and smoke, but not as bad as some other things in the Nether.

E Tier (Smells Awful)

• Elder Guardian - Similar to the normal Guardians, except this one is very old and probably smells like rotten fish.
• Zombie/Zombie Villager - Smells like rotting flesh, need I say more?
• Zoglin - Would still have leftover sweat from before it was zombified, now it comes with rotting flesh.
• Zombie Piglin - Would smell a lot like a Zoglin, only, with a bit less sweat.
• Magma Cube - Magma is very sulfuric, therefore, they would stink of rotten eggs.
• Strider - Spend all day wandering on lava, which is also very sulfuric. Would smell heavily like rotten eggs and smoke.
• Warden - The Sculk alone would likely smell very mildewy, which isn't pleasant. Then topped with the recycled bodies of those that have died in the Sculk, no thanks.
• Drowned - Smells like rotting flesh topped with fish. Hey, at least it's underwater most of the time.

F Tier (Stinks to High Heaven)

• Wither - Literally smells like decay and death. Can also literally kill you from the aroma.
• Wither Skeleton - A body that has already fully decomposed, along with the same smell the Wither has.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

Aloha,
There i was in a good Friends Room in our Village with my Brother and 2 Friends around Fall 2013 i think, it was already dark outside. Smoked Weed before and during intake of these (dryed) Hawaiian Shrooms. I took a (relatively small) Hand-full of shrooms.
My Friend the Housekeeper was already trippin the Day and had much Fun... I was a bit scared of his Behaviour, it was like he was "flying" and the Stereosystem played "The Lovin` Spoonful - Do You believe in Magic". Somehow Panic overcame me because i thought i wasnt ready to go into this "flying/tripping" Mode - A bit like i dont know if i can express to other People what may comes when the Shrooms kick in...
So i left the "Party" during comeup with my Brother, i just wanted to be alone i guess. Some feel of dont want to strain/burden my Friends and especially my older Brother... A feel of persevere that was about to End. Just as we left the House i began to feel heat that gets hotter and hotter until i broke down on the Street and thought that the Ambulance comes in a few minutes. I kinda blacked out and saw something like the Spirit World with lot of Orange Colour flew around... It looked a bit like Soundgardens - Superunknown Album Cover.
After the Breakdown i was in some kind of Wonderland... The Fight was over somehow and i felt raising consciousness especially the Hands felt amazing... It also started to Rain and you could See Blue Shift of the Rain through the Street-Lights... Basically Blue Rain, it was very pleasant to walk Home with my Brother. Now were Home, i make some Tea listen to "Jimi Hendrix - Drifting". I also thought Guitar-Playing must be nice trippin but it was a hard and exhausting feeling.
The Next Days were bright and bloomy Autumndays with some kind of subtle Peace.
Ive also wrote a Song about the whole Experience - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42PGvy_KAnA or https://soundcloud.com/mooble/nothing-new-aka-native-winds-trippy-version.

1 . Compared to the original, this is an unwatchable travesty on every level.
2 . Compared to the live-action remakes of this generation, it is pretty good, and the '89 songs are obviously still great...

1. . . . But, the nuances in change and inflection, as well as the dramatic high notes added to change what were already perfect songs into what are now try-hard ballads, can be jarring and/or feel dense in your ears.
   
2. The three new songs are shockingly, offensively bad. Terribly written cheap cliches, horribly sung, and unnecessarily character-bending; low-hangy-fruity metaphors about "uncharted water" vs "gravity" like wtf bitches, I know this was a kid's film but it wasn't some like "goo-goo-ga-ga teletubbies dumb-dumb spoonfeed me and beat me over the head" level infant show you assholes, what is this:
   

a. Ariel's new song is so awful it's actually hurtful and degrading to viewers everywhere- fans and nonfans alike. And referring to herself using the third person is not an Ariel thing, it's a loser thing;
b. Eric's strangely effeminate, emasculating, and desperate plea to be rescued by his fantasy girl in the form of his song is just unbelievable. Unbelievable what they did to that man, what a pansy they reduced him to.
c. Scuttle's song ironically seems the most appropriate, at least in that it's short and funny enough without altering the character or tone much at all.

1. Eric is emasculated on various levels (and he is wearing Aladdin's vest, why). He doesn't ever get to prove himself, he doesn't get to annihilate Ursula and save Ariel, and they've even given him a mother who basically keeps his balls in her purse: why?
   
2. That's not Ariel. Not physically, not energetically. If this girl is confused/offended to find that people don't think she looks like Ariel, then she obviously needs mental help. And, she often sounds like JLo, as in weirdly nasal and shrill. She doesn't fit the bill, stop trying to pretend she does. We have fucking eyes lol the jig is up wtf are you doing. Be embarrassed already and go delete this movie from history right now. The dinglehopper, the iconic hair flip breaking the surface? This shit wasn't written for dreadlocks, neither could be practically accomplished in dreadlocks. Singing longingly at him from the rock, hair flowing wildly and brightly in the wind? Now we have some heavy head of a mop struggling humiliatingly and painfully to prop itself on a rock in some grim display despite it being broad fucking daylight somehow? wtf you clowns. You would have at least made the sea surface fucking sparkle and stuff if it didn't only overemphasize how drab your mermaid inherently is.
   

Those aren't her sisters, what with their random new names. That's not Ursula, and Ursula is not Ariel's auntie. That's not Triton, mainly because Triton was never before alluded to as a total zeus-gigolo king-bigelow collecting daughters from every culture the way Ariel collects endless thingamabobs from the surface.

1. Those are not Sebastian, Scuttle, and Flounder, but they are endearing enough for this film, and they're a likable trio.
   
2. The girl who plays Vanessa is the best part of this film and the best actor here: her screen time is like a total of 60-90 seconds in all, and yet she has the most intense and fulfilling resemblance to the energy of the cartoon character she is portraying. She for me made this remake worth it over anything else here.
   
3. The graphics are not superb if you care about that stuff. I don't really so it didn't bug me, but nobody looks like they're underwater during dialogues and there are no bubbles ever. The distant shots of her swimming through the water are lovely.
   
4. The dresses. The world's most iconic dresses: the blue town dress with the blue bouncy bow, the pink dining gown, the shimmering purple gown, even the white shipwreck thingy with ropes that Scuttle designed. Not a single one of them anywhere to be found in the remake, how dare they...?
   

Instead, we get this cheap, dull frump of a frilly tulle nightmare from some hell dimension where tears are the only currency, paired with some dirty rag of a headband...? wtf man. They didn't even try. They literally kidnapped a Knott's Berry Farm employee in the midst of her jam-making shift, beat her up, stole her smock, and threw it at this random black kid, and then rolled cameras like "here- you be ariel i guess. we have no time, this much so far has already cost $17 billion, hurry, the goal was to launder money not actually spend any, quiCK!"
And what is that weird tube top she wears as a mermaid? WTF is that? A piece of her own fin that she skinned off and plastered across her chest...? Why does it have scales dude it still looks alive and what the fuck is wrong with ALL of you sisters and your skin looking like your fins in the form of fancy tops? Is this how your skin just grows, like those are your tits? Because if not, then you found fish that look exactly like yourselves and harvested them for fashion, if not self-mutilated.

1. Two-hour run time = too long.
   
2. It'll make you nostalgic over the original so you'll likely rewatch the '89 classic to wash this one out of your mouth.
   

I ended it there.
​
And then a new wave started forming so I continued lol.

1. There is a painful recurring issue in this movie: some moments and lines are nearly identical to a point that is almost so fulfilling to relive ... and then there's this slight yet awkward change in the delivery or the word inflection or something that creates this huge THUD in energy, like it just FALLS so LIMP on your head. They invite the comparison and use it to hook your engagement for a second, manipulating you through a nostalgia-mimic-tease, then they immediately drop the ball and make it SUCK and force you to just bo0m DISSOCIATE so hard. I can't explain what a gross, violating feeling it is. It's like, do something way different, OR keep everything the exact same, DON'T meander about somewhere in the middle where there is zero meaning, and DON'T embark upon recreating a scene or a line only to deviate from it mid-sequence or mid-sentence.
   
2. It's creepy any time she pops her head above water lurking to secretly observe Eric. It's like horrifying. Why is it always dark, why is she always wriggling her fingers like an excited witch over the rocks, and why does her hair look like the girl's from The Ring.
   
3. In Aladdin, they do this weird thing where "the help" gets involved in the background like in a Shakespearean play, to aid in the young lovers' love, which I thought was annoying. Then they photocopied that general subplot into this remake too, shamelessly, carelessly, as not-Grimsby and some random new lady nobody asked for are to be some unsung heroes now.
   
4. Also, they morphed Eric into Princess Jasmine in this remake, what with his "but i don't wanna be a prince, i wanna go beyond the palace walls, oppressive parent-figure!" just to complete his character transformation into a woman, I guess?
   
5. Ariel is the valiant knight who kills Ursula, and she doesn't wed Erica in the end, just to complete her character transformation into a man, I guess?
   
6. Ariel suddenly chiming in passionately during "Under the Sea" is a humiliating misunderstanding of the whole plot.
   
7. Scuttle was honestly okay. Of all the horrible things of this movie, she's not among them. Obnoxious, slapsticky, raspy, blunt ass: she's not Scuttle, but she's a good enough rendition of his general energy. Most importantly, kids will likely enjoy Scuttle and Sebastian more than anything else over the grueling two hours.
   
8. There's nothing to say about Triton, because there was nothing there. Just the low monotone echoes of some hispanic dude in the distance? He was like a ghost, played by a ghost.
   

There's nothing to say about Ursula, because there was nothing there. She was almost exactly like the cartoon one for the most part, only like the general skeleton form or outline of her with nothing inside. Or like a cardboard cutout of her that somebody apathetically toted about the scenery as if just to get a reference the way they do in pre-shoots and rehearsals and shit. The parts where she should be intensely belting or spitting shit out, she is muted; the parts where she should be calm, she is belting shit out and making a spectacle out of her confused, talentless self.

1. There's no grand orchestral opening scene introducing the sisters- huge letdown from the film's onset. But at least it plummets your expectations to a safe below ground haven from which you might endure the rest of the, like I said, grueling hours.
   
2. The glittery sparkling ocean surface and dreamy land/seascapes: nowhere to be found. The gorgeous glistening seaside castle: fucking gone man. There are just zero shimmers, sparkles, bubbles, or color pops in this bleak abysmal damp cave of a fucking movie, people, when that was like 94% of the freaking aesthetic, energy, spirit, function, lullaby, and purpose of the goddamn original. I'll kill you all for this shit.
   
3. In the end, all the wealthy black fisherman in broken down boats (?) within a blink of an eye suddenly find themselves surrounded by terrifying sci-fi fish-people-aliens, some just chilling there in their own personal boats like this is their uncle's lagoon, five seconds away from murdering this entire village if they so choose, nonchalantly flapping their gigantic slimy fins all over the place with such a sense of belonging somehow like this is their comfort zone, rubbing their titty-scales on everybody's personal property, making out with the locals and shit- like holy smokes they came together pretty quick, no shock, no nothing, fucking none of these humans are scared, confused, or even like squeamish? But they're gigantic, intelligent sea monsters who have got you surrounded now and are closing in, and the only one who likes or cares about you people is about to go die at sea with your future ruler so you're obviously fucked as her father Poseidon is notorious for hating your kind, like this may very well be the moment of genocide he's been waiting for his entire life since the death of wife #794/this version of Ariel's mom; and then the only other time you guys saw this shit was when that gigantic octopus almost ate all of your babies at the last wedding: why are you so calm that being your only other association to these creatures...?! And if you're this calm and unfazed by sea-people, then what the fuck was even the main conflict of this entire film? Ariel could have been flapping her way through the city streets emasculating Eric in public instead of just in private this whole time, obviously nobody here cares, fish, human, pegasus, black queen, what have you, they're all within the realm of possibility- nay, probability.
   

In the cartoon, the mermaids respect fucking boundaries in the end, they're just waving goodbye from their ocean border, they're not crawling into the people's fucking houses at high tide wagging their fish genitals at humanity looking to breed a new species in the name of a wedding nobody invited them to and is apparently not even actually taking place anymore, because these two humans are about to go travel the world in a literal mother fucking rowboat instead, because the prince of this film is an adrenaline junkie who doesn't feel alive unless he is getting shipwrecked over and over, likely a recurring trauma left over from the time he was one years old and survived a shipwreck somehow that he keeps reliving and his mother keeps reminding him of as her own personal tool for oppression over him- this honeymoon will be like his third or fourth time almost dying in a shoddy boat at sea over the brief like 18 years he's been alive? and he has like zero ptsd or even the barest sense of basic caution or any lessons learned in seafaring protocol 101. you know she's not a mermaid anymore right? you can't be fainting helplessly and crying out "sAave mE finD mE" with pretty pink bows in your hair at her this time, she will die with you, get it? wtf is this. can you explain any of this to me or anyone? of course not, and why should we have to now?

1. The original's a father-daughter story before it's a boy-girl-love story. Anybody who gives a shit about that movie knows that. Doing things like giving Erica extra songs/story pieces as if he's co-star of the narrative is such a mortifyingly dense misconception of such an otherwise uniquely gorgeous, deep story singing a whole other tune entirely. Legitimately shameful.

. . . AND THEN rewriting the "love story" so that Ariel's "a more empowered female" as if to admit you mislabeled the original Ariel "unempowered," as in, you obviously oppressed her by overlooking everything beautiful and true about her, projecting all of this shit "to fix" that didn't even exist, and by "fixing it" as you have, you only stripped the girl of her voice. Your movie makes it clear you have no idea what the film you're "recreating" is even about, and your capacity to grasp the basic symbolism, themes, and meanings of even children's films is below a third-grade level.
​

The Shattered Mirror was exactly what Justin expected it to be. The shelves were cluttered, a disorganized mess of books, baubles and crystals meant to pull in the superstitious and otherwise gullible. It practically begged him not to be taken seriously, but Lee swore by it and so did her new medium friend, so it was worth a look.
The problem was, Justin didn’t know what he was looking for.
Their little stakeout of the Pearl District was a bit of a disaster. Allen finally came face to face with the Black Widow, and now Milo’s phone was going straight to voicemail. Lee and Allen were out looking for him at the waterfront, near the end of the streetcar line, and in the meantime, Justin had no idea how to be of use.
He perused the merchandise, hoping that something would jump out at him as capital i Important, but it felt less like browsing a magic shop and more like passing through someone’s mediocre garage sale.
“Cal I help you?” a woman called from the counter at the far end of the store. Her hair was a storm of curled dark grays, her narrow, calculating eyes almost lost amongst the strands. She looked him up and down, getting the measure of him. “Looking for something specific?”
Justin sighed. “Not really,” he admitted, approaching the counter. “My friend Lee was here recently, bought some holy water? I was hoping to find something else to help us out.”
“Oh, Ethan’s friend,” she said, her smile shifting from professional to honest. “Always nice to meet a friend of a friend.” She offered her hand. “I’m Joanne.”
“Justin,” he replied, shaking her hand. “Yeah, nice to meet you.”
She crossed her arms. “Still having that vampire problem?”
He smiled awkwardly, taken aback by how casually she brought it up. Guess this is the world I live in, now, he realized. Lee told me that Ethan believed her right off the bat. That’s probably the standard in these circles. “Well that’s the thing- I feel like we’re still fighting with our eyes closed, here. We’re all new to…” he trailed off, gesturing behind him, to the store full of curios.
“Could always talk to an expert,” the woman suggested. She held a finger up, then disappeared behind her counter for a moment. “Here we go,” she exhaled, standing back up with a rolodex of business cards. She took a close look at one of the cards, nodded to herself, then wrote the information down on a slip of paper. “He lives up in Willamette Heights. Don’t ring the doorbell, and don’t knock hard. He won’t ask you to take off your shoes, but do it anyway. He should be able to get you started.”
Justin took the paper. “Thank you,” he mumbled, surprised by her willingness to help. He hadn’t had much experience dealing with people in the city, but the constant of everyone he’d run into was that they were often polite, but rarely so kind. “So who is this guy? Is he like an arms dealer or something?”
Joanne shook her head. “He’s a historian. His family goes back to before the founding of Portland, back when the city was a coin toss away from being called Boston. He can tell you anything about the city, and if you tell him I sent you, he can even tell you the truth. Just be respectful, alright?”
“I will,” he promised, pocketing the paper. “Hey, I gotta ask: you don’t owe me anything and we’re strangers, so why are you helping me?”
She laughed softly, then sighed. “You’re in the real world now, kid. There’s no guidebook to help you survive it. That feeling of fighting with your eyes closed? You don’t undo that, you just get used to it. May as well help whoever you can when you bump into them, and hope they’ll do the same for you.”
* * *
“We’re here,” the driver said, stopping just before the driveway.
“Thanks,” Justin replied, opening the door and stepping out of the vehicle.
“Remember to rate five stars!” the driver yelled before making a U-turn and heading back down towards the city.
Willamette Heights was a beautiful neighborhood. The trees were so dense that it felt like civilization stopped at the backyards of the two and three-story houses the lined the streets. These weren’t paint-by-numbers, mass manufactured McMansions; they each had their own style, their own character. It was a quiet place, hidden in the shadow of the city. A perfect place to raise a family, and a perfect place to spend the twilight of one’s life.
From the sidewalk, the house seemed quite pleasant at first- the winding stone walkway up towards the front door, the garage built into the hill like a Hobbit hole, the trees looming over the front lawn in an inviting, “take a load off and enjoy the shade” kind of way- but that all stopped at the actual front of the house. All of the curtains were drawn, and all of the windows were barred. “What is this, the fucking Elm Street house?” Justin asked, feeling as though he were walking down the plank as he approached the bright red front door.
He stopped himself from ringing the doorbell, lightly knocking on the door as instructed. Before he had time to consider whether to knock again, the door swung open.
The historian was an imposing figure, nearly as tall as the doorframe. The hair atop his head had long ago receded, but his lengthy beard was nearly long enough to tuck into the belt of his bathrobe. He seemed thin, impossibly thin, but not brittle.
“Mr. Roland? Joanne sent me.”
“Of course she did.” He stepped aside, but did not invite Justin in. He simply waited.
“Yeah, I don’t bite,” Justin joked, stepping inside. He removed his shoes and left that at the door.
The house was as dusty as The Shattered Mirror, but not quite so cluttered. The walls of the entryway were bare, save for crosses secured above and to the sides of each doorway. “Follow me,” the historian instructed, stepping through an open pair of double doors down the hall.
Justin followed, and found himself in an incredible personal library. There were several rows of bookshelves between the doorway and the far end of the room, where the historian stepped behind a large walnut desk. The walls were lined with shelves, and the shelves were filled to bursting with books. As Justin approached the desk, he read a few of the labels at the ends of the rows. “Demonology, Manifestations, The Vetus… something tells me you don’t have a horror section, here.”
“Everything is horror if you allow yourself to be afraid,” the historian said, taking his seat. “You’re not here for that.”
“I’ve already been afraid,” Justin admitted. He took the single seat in front of the desk, wondering why there weren’t two. “I’ll be the first to admit, however, that I don’t know why I’m here.”
The historian opened one of the desk drawers and retrieved a small rectangular box. He opened it, placing it before him, and looked intently at it. Justin leaned forward, and saw that it was a small compass. The box was a dark brown wood, nearly black, and the needle was solid white. The needle was spinning steadily counter-clockwise, but as the historian glared at it, it suddenly stopped, pointing directly at Justin. That isn’t north, he noted, wondering what else it could mean.
“I know why you’re here,” the historian said, closing the box and returning it to the desk. “You need help, and there’s only one kind that I can provide. What do you need to know?” He leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers together.
Justin squirmed in his seat. “There’s a vampire in Portland. We’re trying to kill her.”
The historian frowned. “The girl? She’s only active during snowstorms, and the weather’s clearing up.”
“No, this is a woman,” Justin corrected. “She hunts men every three weeks like clockwork- always lonely, single guys who think they’re getting lucky. She was gone for a while, but we know she’s been active on and off for a few years, now.”
One of the historian’s eyebrows slowly began to rise at the description. “She wears disguises, yes?” He opened another drawer and began rummaging through it.
“Yeah, actually. We’re calling her the Black Widow, but that’s just a nickname. We don’t know her real name.”
“I might,” the historian replied, retrieving a leather-bound book from the drawer. He pawed through it for a moment before stopping on a page near the end of the book. “Here,” he said, turning the book over and tapping over one of the pages.
Justin tried to read the page, but had trouble at first. It was written by hand, and it had been a while since he’d last read cursive handwriting. It was a journal. The entry was from September 22nd, 1892:
The children whisper of her again, of the woman in white. They say that she wanders the sunset woods under moonlight. They say she dances across the waters of the Willamette, but not on the suspension bridge. They say that one cannot see her with the naked eye, that she only appears in the reflections of the water itself. They say her face changes, but her broken heart remains still. They say she cries out for lost love and spilled blood.
A man was found in the sunset woods on the west side of the Willamette, drained of his life’s blood without a drop on his person. He was last seen with a woman no one recognized. This has happened before, and if Satan has his way, it will happen again.
The men tell me it was a witch. The women believe it was a ghost. I know it is a demon, but not what it wants.
I wonder if it is her- the bride!- but she is only a rumor, a story we know not to tell our children as we were told, lest they inherit our nightmares and the figures we see in the shadows. Still… they do not know the story, but they say she is dressed in white.
I only know two things to be true. There is a God watching us, and he suffers no fools. We will barricade the doors and not answer when she comes calling. We will not stray.
“The woman in white?” Justin asked, looking up from the journal.
The historian nodded. “The Bride, yes. Many believed that she was a phantom, a poltergeist of a woman whose husband was taken from her before they could say their vows. However, there is the occasional mention throughout that time of men found dead, drained of their blood, leading to some- myself included- speculating that there could be a vampire involved in this tragedy.”
“So it’s a vampire that people think is a ghost?” Justin scoffed. “What, do they think ghosts bite people?”
“Yes,” the historian replied, nodding thoughtfully. After a moment, he let a soft chuckle escape him, then frowned. “Well, poltergeists actually might- if they made a habit of biting in life, that is. Either way, the vampire responsible for killing these men over a century ago may be your Black Widow.”
Justin rubbed his eyes. “So how does knowing that help us? What do we do?”
“What you do,” the historian corrected, “is look for the Bride.”
“Listen, we need a way to track her down and kill her. Learning when and why she was turned into a vampire doesn’t help us.”
The historian nodded again. “You’re right. However, finding the Bride will help you.”
“We know where she is. She lives in the Pearl District.” Justin poked at the journal. “This is fun history and all, but it doesn’t help us kill her.”
Closing the book and returning it to its drawer, the historian steepled his fingers together again and leaned back. “Why are you pursuing the Black Widow?”
“She’s a killer, and no one else knows she exists.” Justin could feel his cheeks reddening.
The historian smiled knowingly. “You know why she should die. Why does it have to be you, specifically?”
Justin felt a cold chill wash over him. This guy’s gotta be a mind reader or something. “My friend went missing a few years ago,” he admitted. “He doesn’t really fit her pattern, but he disappeared without a trace and she was active at the time. It’s the only lead on him that I’ve got. I know it’s a long shot, but I need to know if she killed him.”
“I understand,” the historian said, stroking his beard in contemplation. He seemed to be considering something, but Justin didn’t know what. “If this Black Widow were to learn your personal motivations, do you think she could find a way to leverage it against you?”
“Sure,” Justin agreed.
“The Bride is somehow connected to the Black Widow,” the historian replied. “To know what happened to her is to know who you’re facing. This could be your leverage. This could be your weapon.”
“So who do we think she is?” Justin asked, leaning forward.
The historian smiled. “I don’t know her name, but I know where she’s been spotted.” He rummaged through another drawer briefly before retrieving a paper, unfolding it to reveal a worn map of the state. He circled a spot near the Willamette, south of Portland. “There’s a manor in West Linn, not far from the Arch Bridge. Some say it’s haunted. I’m inclined to agree. Go there. Seek her out. Learn her story.”
Justin took the map, folding it back up. “Thank you, Mr. Roland,” he said. “When this is all over, maybe I’ll have a story worth telling you.”
The historian’s smile left him. “Oh, I know how this story ends, and it’s not one I’ll wish to hear again. Good luck, Justin.”