Acupuncture for back pain rochester ny

i never thought i’d have to write a post like this. i thought he’d break records and live a few more years. Keegan had just turned 16 in March and he was in such good shape. he had some lipomas but nothing ever slowed him down. he loved food, sniffing, licking our hands and feet literally nonstop, licking dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and so much more.
he was also so mischievous and explored every square inch of our apartment, looking for a crumb lol.
we had an amazing Memorial Day weekend. him and his brother (11 year old coonhound, Clooney) went on a bunch of walks with us, we had a picnic, we went to a new park. it was so great. and we had no idea that’d be the last weekend we had together…
on May 31, right after feeding him dinner and going outside, Keegan started acting off. he was shaking. i assumed the AC was too low, so i increased the temp and wrapped him up. this didn’t do much to help.
after he wasn’t calming down, i called 2 local ER vets just to be safe. they both said as long as he can sleep and doesn’t progressively get worse, he should be OK until the morning to see his primary doc.
he didn’t get worse, but didn’t get better. his shaking did subside but he began breathing faster. i counted his BPMs and took his temp with a rectal thermometer. his breathing was faster than it should have been & his temp was slightly above what it should have been (103F). he also was "knuckling" his back left leg.
he was able to sleep through the night and woke us up @4AM on June 1. he went outside & he peed and pooped without assistance.
we brought him inside and got ready to feed him and his brother. he was interested in food, but when i put the bowl in front of him, he just stared. i had to hand feed what would be his last meal. at this time it was 6am and i didn't want to wait any longer for his primary doc to open.
we took him to the ER & explained what was going on. they admitted him and the ER doc suspected he may have arthritic flare up, along with a confirmed fever. she started him on fluids and took a chest X Ray to see if he aspirated fluid into his lungs potentially causing pneumonia.
after we dropped him off @7am, we got a call back around 11am. the chest x ray didn't show much significance in his lungs, and his blood work had some lowered white blood cells & some protein levels, but nothing off the charts.
ER doc said a neuro consult would be next and to spend the night to break his fever. we dropped off his medicine to them and about 30mins later, we get another call.
Keegan was declining. his fever was raising & he was deteriorating. we so desperately wanted an in home euthanasia, and the ER doc said we could, but after we see him, we might change our mind. the neuro consult suspected he had some sort of growth on his brain, due to some past issues of excess thirst and urination, which was at bay, which made it all the more confusing.
we thankfully brought his brother along for the ride. they rolled Keegan in and he was in rough shape. he was "not there" and didn't perk up when he saw us. he breathing was more labored than i've ever seen. we didn't want to risk taking him home and putting him through more. at around 3PM, Keegan was peacefully euthanized as his mom (my gf) held him in his arms and i next to her.
it hasn't even been 24hrs, but we are absolutely shocked and devastated. how could this happen so fast? he was in such amazing shape the day before. he didn't get into anything & he had a low key day.
i am feeling all sorts of feelings; guilt, regret, anger, confusion-- all normal i assume. but i never expected i'd lose our boy so fast without warning. they could've done an MRI to confirm a growth in his brain but even so, anesthesia would've been risky and radiology would've been hard on him.
i miss him so bad. i never cried this much in my life. i am hurting more than i ever have. i don't want to go on without him. he made our small family of 4 so lively, even at his old age. he was the best dog i've ever had the privilege of meeting and owning.
my gf had owned him since she was 9 and is turning 26 this year. he was her childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. my heart breaks even more for her.
we feel like a part of us died yesterday and our apartment isn't the same. it's too quiet. i miss his little nails hitting the floor and him licking my hands and feet until they were raw.
i'm likely going to need professional support to help me get through this. but, i wanted to post to ask if anyone else had a sudden death like this? i'm in such shock and pain. if you read this all, thank you. i have so much more to say about him, but i can’t see well through the tears. i want him to live on forever since he was the best.

17 y/o female, 180 lbs. I suffer from chronic back pain and anxiety. My doctors recommended a stress ball massage, but it was difficult to find a good one. I also suffer from frequent urination, and frequent bladder and bowel movements, all of which are usually accompanied by a dull ache.
For the past month or so, I've been using a thermos for my coffee. I've found that using it for too long can cause the thermos to seize up and cause condiments to pour out, which can result in condiments not reaching the thermos. As a result, I've switched to the thermos in the morning, and then in the afternoon I use the thermos for the rest of the day, which results in condiments not reaching the thermos.
I'm currently on the beta blocker, but I've also been keeping an eye on my periods and taking hormone balances. I haven't had my periods in over a year. I've had my period every month or so for the past 6 months now, with no noticeable change.
What can I do to prevent condiments from reaching the thermos?

I’ve been hanging out with a 10mm kidney stone since March. Had the procedure lined up for the end of June to give it its final eviction notice.
Three weeks ago, started getting pain at the end of urination. Went to urgent care assuming my little buddy led to a UTI - tests came back negative, they said it was likely the stone itself.
Yesterday, I was urinating and in the middle of it, it was like someone kinked a hose, followed by a SHARP pain. Next urination, it started with the sharp pain then no pain for the first time in weeks.
Problem was, when I was urinating it was a …. Double feature, and I’m not digging around in there for kidney stone confirmation.
Was that it? Is my little buddy gone? I’m obviously keeping the ultrasound I have coming up scheduled, but every time I go it’s a completely normal, uneventful experience, which hasn’t been the case for weeks.

(Holy shit, long post incoming)
I think I'm writing this because the person I needed to write this to, her family, my family and her friends never want to hear from me again. My friends, are non-exsistent and the only friends that I have made in the last year are all connected to AP and I never want to go back there. I think I'm looking for perspective and advice on what I can do going forward and if anybody has any encouragemnet or even reality checks for me. I'll try to keep it brief but surely there will be points I'm skipping over. Hope none of this sounds familiar but if it does let me know what worked/didn't work how you are now.
The affair started last June. I had always had problems with my ego and they were hightened because I was off medication I had been prescribed for basically all of my adult life. I made some friends at my first job of my new career (That my BP(31F) helped me get and supported me in getting). Things were going okay but BP and I were having fights and I was starting to tell her I was considering it okay to sleep with other women (I had fantasized about threesomes and other women sometimes, and I was a virgin before I met her so couple that in with my weak character and ego issues it was a disaster waiting to happen). At the time I argued with her and told her that she doesn't care about my feelings and to stop brushing me off when I talked about those things. It got heated a lot of the time and I'm not proud of the way I acted. It was really bad, I had gaslit her, verbally abused her and acted like she was the problem.
Anyways, in May of last year I switched jobs and one of the friends from the old job reached out to connect because she was sad I was going. We always found it easy to talk to each other and were always the talketive ones in our group. I agreed and was thrilled to have a friend actually want to hang out with me outside of work. We met up, I was honest with my BP and told her I was having drinks and was excited that somebody wanted to hang out with me.
The AP(29F) knew that I spoke about my BP lots and loved her. I told her all about how I wanted to propose and showed her the ring and told her often about how excited I was. She would pry and ask questions and I would talk about anything. She was one of these "Open Book" types who acted shy but never shut up and I have always liked people I could just listen to for hours without needing to say anything. Our conversations got more and more personal and eventually I made my first mistake of telling her(AP) about our(BP and I) fights about me considering Poly and threesomes.
There's nothing wrong with that she said. She morally did not object to those kinds of things and didn't think I would be a bad person if I chose that path. Eventually my BP would see past these issues if she loved me and really wanted me to be who I was. I fell for it, told her that if anything were to happen there would be some rules:

1. My GF couldn't know about it
2. We could still be friends if my GF found out or I told her and she was adamantly against it
3. Our friendship was what was really important so I would like to remain friends.

She agreed and looking back that's when my entire mind shifted from a mildly shitty person, to the darkness I couldn't come back from.
There's a lot to cover here and I've already wasted enough of your (The reader's) time so I'll just skim over some more details but first:
A couple of days later, BP and I took a trip where I planned a special proposal. I had wanted to propose this way since I was a kid and I'll spare the details for identity sake but anybody close to the situation will already know what this is about. It was a wonderful trip. Proposal went smooth, we had so many experiences together, and it all ended with us getting COVID (Not part of the fun, but still)
When we got back AP and I had started intensive messaging. She was a good distraction while we were sick. I was less symptomatic and BP was in bed a lot. So between taking care of BP and resting up myself I had a lot of free time to text. This would last for almost nine months without slowing down. I met up with AP after recovering somewhat and we went to a bar, there was a lot that happened with her and eventually we kissed.
Skipping over a lot here, but a month later a kiss turned into sex, and sex turned into regular visits between her place and mine. BP travelled for work and sometimes AP really wanted to stay over at our (BP and mine's) home. I absoltutely disrespected our sanctuary and not only cheated but completely disrespected anything we built.
This would continue for months and months. BP and I became more strained. I did not hide how much we spoke but I hid how bad it got. I would feel guilty when she would call me out and I did what all cheaters do and gaslight her into thinking she was the issue. I wanted so badly not to feel worse than I did, and honestly I don't even know if I should say that because no human being does that and has guilt. I thought I did but maybe I was just fooling myself.
AP got tired of waiting around for me to open things up and just wanted us to have more and more time together. In some sick way I felt I owed her for being so good and understanding while I was figuring myself out. I was completely lost in the fog. AP was going through tough family times and played the sympathy card and eventually when I started going back on my pill I was slowly coming out of the fog. It got so bad that at one point I wanted to spend time with my BP before she went away on a work trip so AP got drunk and slept with somebody else.
I was so split and it's like she knew exactly how to pull me right back into the fog. I started to feel sorry for her (She said she was assaulted. I'll never victim blame, if that's her story then fine. But I made the decsion to be there for her when it should never have been my problem to deal with). AP and I decided that I should tell BP what happened so that it would ease her into undertstanding us better.
So that's what happened. I kept playing the card like AP and I were suffering and BP was being irrational. I gaslit BP and made her feel shitty for not accepting this. I told BP I loved her and wanted the best but really wanted to be my own person and this is who I was. I continued to see AP and told my BP about it saying that I just wanted closure. We never had sex and it was emotional only since October. I wanted to go and get coffees with her (We ended up having sex twice in this time).
BP and I argued because I still would not stop and she eventually said she's going to spend a week at a friends. At this point I was really coming out of the fog and this was a really huge defining moment. I always wanted a little space to think for myself without fighting but I was really coming to. I wanted her back so much and I was tired of being a liar and a cheater. BP would tell me she may want to hangout or reach out to me but I could never see AP again. I promised I wouldn't except for one more time for actual closure this time. BP told me no. I said fine but please come home. She said no. I went to see AP and her friends.
After we drank at a bar I came home and AP was there too. I don't remember much because I was in such a daze and tired of crying so much but she was there too. We slept together one more time. The next day I told her it's completely off and we're not talking any more.
BP eventually ultimately decided she couldn't come back home. I was distraught, gave her space to see our cats and spent the night in an AirBNB. AP reached out and I told her to go away. I came back home and I was told to leave. I spent the weekend with my parents where I maintained the EA story and eventually came back to see the cats were gone and my BP was no longer wearing her ring.
She didn't want to kick me out because she didn't want to live in a home that I destroyed. She left and found a new place with support from her friends. I was alone and I worked on myself. I got therapy and worked on being a better person but I still had my big secret. I didn't even tell my therapists. I did all the right things otherwise. I gave a timeline of everything (Saving the biggest thing) and made an apology letter that went back to even the early days of our relationship. I worked hard and read lots to find ways better myself.
Eventually I moved out and things were going much better. BP and I were talking better. there was so much hope there. We went out for coffee and smiled the only way I've seen her smile. Genuine love. I was so happy I was doing the right thing for us.
I wasn't, I still had my lie.
We agreed NC for September to just completely work on ourselves. Four days into it I made a final realization.
I can lie for the rest of my life and we can rebuild our beautiful life together and We'll be so happy and I won't have a problem. Then again, I do love her. Actually do. Not just want to get back together, but I actually do love her and I'm actually so sorry I was who I was. Not just to make myself feel better, I started to actually feel worse. It was because I was lying. You don't lie to somebody you love. AP would've lied too. I had nothing to worry about (There is the whole STI thing I should've mentioned but BP had other issues there so I assumed she would need to get a test anyways - she didn't because she believed my lie).
So I told her the truth. Everything. It's D-Day # 2 for her. She was so sure we would find eachother but now she says there's no chance. She's not telling me she cares about me and hopes I find myself, she's now telling me I'm like my father and she feels empty and hollow and I'm a monster. Nothing as bad as before by a long shot. What I did by not telling her was so much worse. What I did by telling her was allow her to feel how she should've always felt. It doesn't make it better for either of us emotionally, but it gives her her freedom back.
Anyways that's a lot and this is a support sub so I guess I just have one final thought and question.
I feel human for the first time since this all happened. Honestly more so than ever in my life. I feel pain and misery for what I did to another human being. I told the truth because I love her when I clearly didn't before and it's like a weird swap. Love her or have her?
Anyways, does anybody think there's a way back? I'm going to continue therapy (With the truth) I'm going to continue working on myself and my hobbies and my happiness but I won't be happy anymore. Humans don't do that and continue to be happy. But is there any hope left?

Hey everyone. I’m doing DL2: Dragons of Flame) and I need some advice from people who either know the lore, or with some DM experience to solve the module finale.
As the title says - I’m trying to figure out the best method of resolving the Pax Tharkas final without it feeling like an anti-climax for the players. The old Dragonlance (DL 2: Dragons of Flame) follows the novels quite closely.
The final to rescuing the prisoners of Pax Tharkas is Verminaard showing up on top of his large red dragon, to set all the 800 prisoners and the party on fire that just escaped out in the open.
The novels and the DL2 module have the same climax. Old dragon Flamestrike shows up, battles Ember and Verminaard in a narrated battle in the sky - while the players should understand that they need to escape south with the prisoners.
This is the boxed text and the end to the module:

Suddenly, with a splintering crash, the double doors holding Flamestrike fly outward. The great beast slithers out of the tower toward the crowd of prisoners. “My children! You shall not have my children!” Her voice is shrill and strained. “Leave me my children!” she demands, lumbering down the gradual slope. Now another great crimson shape appears, flying. Bellowing a challenge, a second huge red dragon lands on the mighty Tharkadan wall. On its back is the imposing figure of the Dragonlord Verminaard, still concealed by the fearsome mask. His voice booms through the valley. “This is the final insult! I have tolerated your impudence far too long.. .slaves are cheap and plentiful. Now you pay for your foolish daring!” As the people scream and turn to flee down the valley, his evil voice picks up more power: “Now, I destroy you! I destroy your wives! I destroy your children!” As Ember leaps from the wall, Flamestrike pauses in her advance. Confusion shakes her as she looks from the children to the great engine of death above her. Suddenly, her dim eyes take on clear focus as she makes a decision. Curling her long neck upwards, Flamestrike sends forth a horrifying spout of fire, straight at the flying dragon and the Dragonlord. With a scream, Verminaard is engulfed in the glowing cloud, and his dragon-steed bellows in pain. Quickly, the two dragons lock in a fearsome melee, thrashing their mighty bodies across the valley and bringing boulders tumbling from the mountainsides.

Do we feel this is the best solution to this arc? I'm curious if it would be. Perhaps it's fine!
I am concerned it will not feel rewarding for the players that when they feel the big boss battle is here - I (the DM) will read this boxed text at them, and tell them they should probably use this opportunity to escape.
The alternative does not need to be combat with Verminaard, for they would likely not survive a battle with a dragon, or Verminaard + Draconians. Newish players might assume that if they have the option to fight - then they're supposed to.
But I wonder how to make this finale feel more natural - the module explanation does not help me with how to run it smoothly, I feel.

“HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!”
A laugh, what does it mean for a person? A sign of amusement? A mark of contentment? Maybe, a reaction to a quirky comment or action? Perhaps…
But now, all that echoed throughout the burning lands was a guffaw of despair and torment. It belonged to Eve, the future queen of the entire Confederation of Demons. And right now, no trace of royal dignity was to be seen within her. The woman was pulling her white hair, kneeling in her sphere at the sight of the mass-murder.
The snow of death, the sprinkled ash of white and purple fell upon the ground, taking hundreds of lives. Gramgrim, the strongest and the fiercest formation underneath the authority of Me-ua now perished like slugs under the salt. Orcs, dogs, trolls, deer, lions, crows, fiends, mind-flayers, tigers, boars, even a cult of bulls-necromancers – the brigade included many different races, men and women of different backgrounds and upbringings, their tamed beasts and familiars, slaves and draft animals. Looking at the southern organizations, consisting of various Ma-zok tribes was always fascinating. Especially, when none of them could withstand the divine plague, sent as a godly punishment for defiling the holy land of kokuyoku.
Was there any way to save themselves? Yes – they simply never should’ve come to the village. Now, though? Well, not even Panakea’s blessing could save Keyaruga from death, so why should any of them survive?
Such was Eve’s wrath; such was her sorrow, enshrined upon this wretched world.
“Fascinating.,,” Keyaruga muttered, looking underneath him. He couldn’t help but to feel glee. After all, hundreds upon hundreds of high-leveled demons perished, blessing the whole party of five with new levels to enjoy (or hate, in Ellen’s case). Strange, though. Normally, a party couldn’t be larger than four people (not that a mortal had control over it anyway; people could travel in however big assemblies, as they pleased, yet experience was earned only by parties of four), but the group stuck together pretty well. Was it another of Caladrius’ gifts, she just didn’t bother to share? Well, whatever the case…
“I know, it’s not a reason for joy… but we can definitely use all that power in our future battles.” Freia mused with a trace of regret in her voice.
“Uh-huh. Good thing to get stronger before we go after the demon king.” Setsuna supported, trapped in a conflict between joy at reaching her new threshold of power and fury for losing Visou.
“Of course this would happen… This always happens with those people and places I care for or love… I shouldn’t have taken this damned bracelet…” Keyaruga growled, looking at the yorkama talisman on his right wrist. Yet, when he was about to rip it away…
“Don’t do that.” …Ellen stopped him. For the first time in this nightmarish day she was thankful for her new powers, as they allowed her to stop her ‘brother’ from an act of utter stupidity. “It’s not your fault. Look, they came here, seeking Hakuo’s rival! Your sympathy has nothing to do with that, stop dealing in superstitions!” The Apostle of Caladrius attempted to reassure the lad. But alas…
“It’s my fault. Like Visou… like Alban… like Karman… It’s all been my fault.” …the man just wouldn’t listen.
“No… it was mine…” The crimson-haired cutie whispered, yet once again – no reaction. “Hey, brother, see that breached wall behind Mil’s house? I see traces there. Could you, maybe?..”
“Yes… Oh, Ellen, thank you!” Only when she pointed out the obvious, did the man finally wake up from his trance. Just in time to hear…
“KILL!!! KILL THEM ALL!!!” …this. Eve still couldn’t really master her raging emotions, and even the fact that no creature remained alive in the burning village stopped her in any way.
“Hm, I am saddened to inform you, little one, that there is nobody to slay here. And even if there were, I am unable to maintain the offence. I need to feed and regain my strength now.” Caladrius admonished, descending on the earth. “However, down the north road, you may find other survivors. Just make haste; they do not have much time.” The harbinger of plague informed the group, putting the white sphere on the ground. The barrier had faded just as all poisonous ash did as well, coincidentally.
Keyaruga, Setsuna, Eve, Freia, Ellen, Kelly, Patty – all could finally walk properly again. Not really a big perk, when all you’re finding yourself among the still burning remains of a ruined village, though.
“O pluvia clemens, benedic nobis tua gratia recreativa.” Fortunately, they had the Hero of Magic at their side. And so, the first thing Freia did was to cast a simple rain spell. A critically important move, especially when their raptors were getting panicked by the fires.
“Now, if you excuse me.” And what would horrify any sentient being was how gruesomely filthy Caladrius turned out to be. The very first thing she did when the party had finally landed was to grab some dead slimy bastard, and just swallow him whole, like some sort of a pelican.
“Hey! Hey! Hey! He-e-ey!!! The hell are you doing?!” The younger princess yawped, consumed by her anger. Not because she was disgusted, though… “You fucking munched him with all that armor and shit?! What’re you even thinking of?! We need that!”
“I do not care, Apostle. Unless you are willing to strip them yourself, your whining is of little concern to me.” The deity replied dismissively. Even if her plague faded without a trace, the diseased corpses were still a delicacy for Caladrius.
And here I thought Ellen was slandering her about this part. Thought it was just a nice joke. Apparently, not, Keyaruga mused, witnessing the same vile spectacle as his girls did.
“Well, I’m willing as hell! You can buy an entire village for one of those!” The young lady snarled, turning one of the corpses over, just to untie the leashes that held a cuirass in place. When people die, their rectum can’t hold feces anymore. The stench of death, dung, decay, the earth, wet and softened by the rain – so much filth among the corpses, and yet, the warlady felt overjoyed looting the corpses of their fallen enemies before tossing their naked bodies toward her hungry patron.
“Keyaruga, I think, we should…” Freia softly spoke, pointing at the breach on the northern side. She wasn’t overly enthusiastic about defiling the dead, so maybe…
“No, I’m going alone.” Sadly, the healer wouldn’t let anyone accompany him in this quest. Even the golden egg had to leave his back right now. He knew who he was pursuing. And what he would do to his enemies, once he’d reached them. “Setsuna, Freia, hold this, and stay here, and watch out for Eve, and… Well, you may also help Ellen with looting.” The lad spoke, completely ignoring the rain that fell upon his head.
“Uh-huh, got it.” The gray-haired girl agreed, putting the straps holding their unborn ‘child’ on her back. Strangely enough, the ice warrior was more than happy with pillaging the corpses. With her arms being covered in the frozen gauntlets, the girl could easily strip the fallen brigadiers to Ellen’s obvious delight.
“I… think I should bury the villagers.” Freia, on the other hand, grabbed a shovel somewhere. Instead of defiling the dead, she wanted to properly inter the remains of the poor black-wings… until their bodies were eaten by their own god.
“Whatever you wish… Just don’t forget to cut off their wings.” The man ordered, tossing away everything from Kelly’s saddle. He needed speed, not sustainability.
“I see… feathers… magic catalysts…” The sorceress instantly understood what the hero wanted from the fallen villagers. To be honest, that sort of cruelty paled compared to what their enemies sometimes allowed themselves. It didn’t make the pink-haired girl any happier, though.
“Wait!” Finally, just as Keyaruga was about to climb on his reptile steed, he got a companion in the form of the queen-to-be. “I’m… going with you!..” She spoke wearily, yet her tone wouldn’t brook any denial.
“You shouldn’t, Eve. You’re too drained as it is, I can’t risk you now.” That didn’t work on the new hero, though. The red-eyed lad knew, what kind of atrocities he was about to commit. What’s worse – he was looking forward for them.
“No… You know I can’t be killed that easily.” The white-haired woman insisted, allowing herself to climb in the saddle no matter what Keyaruga wanted. “Also, those are my people we’re talking about.”
“Alright…” The man nodded, giving one last brief look at what travesty was currently occuring on this holy ground: hundreds of corpses, two enthusiastic looter-girls stripping them before feeding them to the goddess that was primarily supposed to guard this place from such tragedies, and the strongest mage in the world, cutting off wings with her wavy dagger. All gave him a brief look. “Girls, lady Caladrius, you stay here! The raptor we’re taking will go faster carrying only two of us.” The healer admonished, silently praising himself for not including the plague incarnate in the ranks of his lovers. Wouldn’t that be awkward?
“Uh-huh. Good luck, you two.” Setsuna waved her armored hand, happily proceeding with robbing the corpses.
“Yeah… thanks. We’ll need it.”
…
The forest had been defiled. A trace of bodies, both kokuyoku and their ruthless persecutors, marked a path for the hero and his queen. Faster! Faster! The man smacked his reptile with his heels, struck against the ribs, pulled every bit of speed from poor Kelly. So much so, that even wild scavengers, who came to feast on the corpses, just fled from the massive raptor. And yet, it still wasn’t enough…
“Hey, Keyaruga!” Eve spoke, holding onto the hero’s torso with her trembling arms. “Why are you even helping us? Why… do you even bother, if they die no matter what we do?” The queen-to-be asked melancholically. Right now, she tried to find at least some meaning in her existence, just to not fall into a pit of nihilism and despair.
“It’s because… I have power. I can make a difference. And because I want to do so.” The red-haired lad responded, navigating a path through the woods with his jade eye. His status elevated him above the rest, giving the man many abilities, some considered to be… unnatural. For example, he could easily alleviate Kelly’s fatigue from constant galloping.
“Power, yes?.. The onslaught… it began when Caladrius was playing with us… But instead of putting an end to this hell, she’d go on, and on, and on… And even when we got out, she never told us what was going on. When I asked her to bless you, I was scared… and discomforted, and… whatever other words you have for discomfort. I thought it was because of the trial… Thought it was over… Then… I looked at myself, my own actions, here and in the past.” Eve shared the burden of her guilt with Keyaruga. The white-haired woman couldn’t help but blame herself for everything that happened. If she didn’t ignore her feelings, if she had checked on her wings a little earlier, if she… “If I… If I just could…”
“Was that what you saw in your challenge?” The healer wondered, trying to get his companion out of this ruinous obsession over what nobody could prevent, or even predict.
“Ugm… Who did you meet there?” Did he fail? No, not really. But instead of giving him an answer, the queen-to-be countered with a question of her own.
“Many, many people… I don’t want to talk about it now.” Unfortunately, though, Keyaruga just couldn’t bring himself to reveal what he saw, heard… did with his own hands.
“I… I see…” Eve murmured, getting a message from the lad’s depressed tone. He too carried much pain in his soul, and that vortex of suffering could never be dissipated by shutting down just some of his emotions. To completely silence this pain, Keyaruga would have to become something else entirely, something inhuman, incapable of either hate or love.
“More important, Eve, I want you to sharpen your senses. Maybe, you can trace magic better than me.” The hero suggested, as his right eye rolled around in his socket. The forest was wide and thick, and his sight wasn’t as all-seeing as he’d like it to be.
“I’ll try.” Eve whispered, trying to focus her attention on the ambient mana. Maybe, if she was just diligent enough, she could trace her living brethren? Maybe, all wasn’t lost just yet? Maybe… “You know, Keyaruga, you’re not the guilty one in all of this… If Mil didn’t let everyone in, if I wasn’t saved by your goddess, if our goddess wasn’t just like Ellen says she is… than none of this horror would have happened.” The lady in red deadpanned cautiously. Now that she knew of her ‘future’, how it might’ve been without this self-conflicted man at her side, the kokuyoku scion could clearly tell – her grandfather was just like Keyaruga and Ellen, he wanted the best for his people… and that turned Visou into a deathtrap. After all, Hakuo wouldn’t have sent Gramgrim here if Cornar had come to him with the valuable bounty that was the black-wings’ princess.
“I’m sorry…” The healer uttered, still unaware, just how much of a monster Eve’s first husband really was, and how much she owed him for showing, how the love should even look like in the first place.
“You really shouldn’t be, Keyaruga.” The black-winged prodigy responded sorrowfully. She felt the lad’s distress: it was in his voice, his posture, his way of breathing… “You can’t just carry the burden for everyone else. I tried… and I failed.” Eve spoke, trying to dissuade her defender from thinking he was able to hold the whole world on his shoulders, when, in reality, it was simply impossible. “Don’t do that. You’ll break.” This calm phrase was spoken serenely, and yet, it was a cry. A cry for help, for understanding, for letting go.
“We don’t need Caladrius.” But Keyaruga just couldn’t release himself from this burden. Even now, when riding over the forest floor, covered in disfigured corpses, most of which were charred whole, seemingly by lightning, the man couldn’t stop thinking about Eve, her troubles, the tragic price her ultimate power might demand from her.
“Why?” The lady in red asked, attempting to follow the new line of conversation which her companion had turned to. Why would he even be scared of it? Didn’t Ellen bargain two free casts for her? Ellen… How could this capricious princess be able to extort such a valuable gift from the harbinger of plague? If Eve had done something like this in the first world… then there wouldn’t be the second one.
“She’s… too frivolous, arrogant, she’s thousands years old, yet all I see is an old snobby child with no backbone. We can’t be sure she’ll maintain her promise, and I really, really don’t want to see you wither away.” The man said with that seemingly careless voice of his. “If you need someone dead, I’ll be there for you.” He added grimly then. Eve was too soft, even now, she still couldn’t deal with the moral compromises necessary, and there were going to be a lot more of them on the way toward the Obsidian Throne.
“Hah… You really do want me to fall in love with you?” The queen-to-be noted somewhat playfully. Her mood was still sombered, but even so, there was always a light in the darkness.
“Heh, aren’t you already? I can tell – you’ve changed, so that you could keep up with me, especially in the bed.” Keyaruga followed this little funny road, and retaliated with a joke of his own. But… was it really a joke, though?
“Yes… Yes, I have.” Apparently, not. “I can’t force you to become your old self, but I had a chance to change myself.” Eve explained, lowering her head. She couldn’t keep up with the man last night – he was just too big for her. That’s why, the girl had to go, the queen-to-be had to become a woman, and fast.
And so, there could be only one thing to ask at this point.
“So, do you want to fuck, once this is over?” The hero unceremoniously inquired from his companion. After all, they were already past all those earlier insults and attempts at shaming from Eve’s side.
“Yes, I do! I really, really do. I want you to ravage me, so I wouldn’t go mad.” The Me-ua kahul responded with a plea of sorrow, hate, loathing, and regret. There wasn’t anything enticing in this request, but… it was so humane.
“Of course. I will.” The man promised. Despite everything, despite this day supposedly belonging to Ellen and Setsuna, he wouldn’t refuse her, no matter what. And Eve felt that resolve in the man.
“Also, I won’t stop using Caladrius. We need her, Keyaruga. We need her… to establish our authority. Then… maybe, I won’t have to lose anyone again.” The queen-to-be spoke wearily. She wanted to reach Hakuo, wished to murder this monster once and for all with her own hands, instead of waiting till some disease finishes him. She wanted to bury this king’s legacy once and for all, so that his blood would never poison her life ever again. Eve Reese desired revenge. And Keyaruga would never feel worthy of discouraging his queen. And yet…
“Alright. But you have to promise me one thing – one time. She gave us only two times, and I don’t want you to overreach any further. Everything else I’ll deal with personally. It won’t make a difference to me anyway, my hands are already dirtied enough as it is.” Keyaruga all but demanded. The gods had put them in a tight little cage, where only those who kill more than others, were worthy of wielding great power. Right now, the man wasn’t sure his party was enough to challenge Hakuo’s rule. Even Eve, drained by Caladrius, managed to overpower her ‘heroic’ adversaries. Too bad they left her exhausted for Keyaru to finish the job. Speaking of that…
“But… why would you even bother? Don’t you just want to… make another redo? To fix everything, to save those who you couldn’t save?” The lady in red asked the lad. He was never too secretive about the circumstances he was in, and how the world ended up as it is. Still, each time he spoke of that, pain and loss broke through his armor of callousness.
“No. Just as you said, I have people to live for now. Freia, Setsuna, Ellen, you, Eve – I can’t imagine my life without you. And if I just flee into the past, then what’s even the point of us having this little chat right now?” The healer quarried in response. He was sure of what he was talking about now. Or, rather, trying to convince himself and Eve of that.
“Haa… Right…” For better or worse, the woman just exhaled and dropped the topic. To believe it would mean disregarding Keyaruga’s deep painful wounds, any further prying risked opening them up again. “I think we’ve got something.” Fortunately, right in that moment, Eve noticed a track, something to spot her brethren, where the trail of bodies had just ended.
“What? Where?” Keyaruga asked, now looking around.
“To the left from here. I feel my brethren coming to me from this side. They’re… fighting. And dying.” As the lady in red spoke, pointing in the direction the flow of souls was coming from, the rider pulled the reigns to stop his steed. He then jumped off the saddle.
“Shit, I must hurry!” The hero snarled, pulling the saber out of its sheath. A contradicting statement, seeing as he would be much faster mounted. But no… “Keep your eye on Kelly! I can’t risk the two of you!”
“You want to go alone?” The woman astounded, reaching for her companion. Alas, he never faced her.
“Yes! Our enemies are strong, Eve. And I’m not sure if I can properly protect you. Stay here; cover me with your magic.” Keyaruga urged sternly. He wasn’t a healer, nor a competent defender whatsoever. The hero was a murderer, and nothing could convince him more than the trial he completed just an hour ago.
“Hold on! I won’t let you go alone.” Nevertheless, the kokuyoku scion too wasn’t the same after that challenge. She flapped her wings, and numerous black spheres left her feathers. One, two… ten, twenty… Twenty-three shades now flew around the man, ready to assist him in murdering whoever threatened their kin. “They will protect you.”
“Ah… thanks.” The red-haired man uttered, looking at the fallen black-wings. Right now, they rather reminded him of insects with the way they dashed around. “We’ll be on our way, then.” Still, it didn’t stop him from getting ready to sprint forward to save whoever was left of the kokuyoku-zok and to punish their oppressors.
“Promise you’ll be back! Promise you’ll save everyone!” Eve ultimately asked, looking at her dead brethren. Shying away from them was a luxury, and now she had no time for such things.
“I will, Eve! Take care!”
And so, he ran off, to the site where the last bit of fighting was happening. Him, twenty-three shades… against the elite forces of Gramgrim, the only remaining fragment of the horrifying battalion; now, though, the time had come to end this warband once and for all.
…
Faster! Faster! I must be faster!
Keyaruga lunged through the woods, he jumped across logs, climbed the hills, passed a few ravines along the way, just to finally reach yet another battlefield. Mil was there, the wizened magician firmly held his staff. All bloodied, his robe torn apart, the old man still fought on.
“Masanna tanouti! (kill everyone)” A massive rider, carried by an even greater armored warg tackled Mil and his defense line of mostly women spellcasters, and a few strong men among the refugees.
“Usegi! (run) Usegi-i!!!” Mil yelled, getting ready to ward off the seemingly countless hordes of bloodthirsty invaders, preferably – all on his own. The thought of death never scared the magician, as he already looked in its eyes, and they were gentle.
“Mil-murnaz! (elder Mil!) Katunj pora bornul non! (we have nowhere to retreat!)” An armored old woman yelled, preparing her grandiose fire blast. None of them would abandon him. Only seventeen of them remained against a group of forty-seven raving cutthroats, knowing all too well, they wouldn’t be able to pull through. And yet, none of them would go down without a fight. If they did, they would be slaughtered, and after that – their kin would follow.
“SUNI-I-I-I!!! (DI-I-IE!!!)” The bruised elder snarled, imbuing his wooden staff with an element of lightning. One swing, one smack – and the monstrous wolf fell down, wriggling in the shocking agony, along with its master. One down.
“Globus igneus!” The armored hag next to him yelled, sending a massive fireball into the troops. Seven perished, four else – scattered. Yet, those who fell were mercilessly crushed underfoot by the four brutal tiger-riders – no regards to their allies, and even less toward the foe. Five men and two women from the black-wings stood up to meet them with their spears, staked into the earth… It didn’t work – the demons breached their line, gutting everyone in the reach of their decorated cleavers.
“Katunji! (retreat!) Konato wor marmori! (protect the children)” Mil commanded, tossing two hardened feathers into the enemies. Too close to him, but… it didn’t matter. “KURLINA-A-A!!! (FUCK YOU!!!)” He yelled, detonating the enchanted quills.
BOOM!
An explosion, a shockwave, the trembling of the earth. Kokuyoku were mercilessly pushed further, practically hunted like animals, and yet, their prey had claws and teeth. The blast was mighty, it broke Gramgrim’s formation, allowing the defenders to flee, to run, to… live a few minutes longer.
“Kha-a-a… Ha-a-a… Agh…” Mil helplessly wheezed, pushed to the trunk of the giant oak. His bones were broken, the old man had lost all feeling in his legs, hands, and… No, he knew what he was getting into. “Gh-h-h!.. Ugh… E… va… ma…” Even when some tall goblinoid thug impaled him with a spear, the only thing on the mind of the dying sorcerer was his granddaughter, and all those he tried to save. Tried, but…
“I’VE COME TO SAVE YOU!!!” Keyaruga roared, engaging a bat-like swordsman, lunging toward the fleeing defenders. Just in a few hundred meters away, the refugees were running from the pursuers. It was honestly a miracle to see them keeping such a substantial distance, even though the enemies had carnivorous mounts. It seems, like they were rather enjoying chasing their prey.
“GHA-A-A!!!” Nevertheless, the fencer retreated from the hero, picked up a lance from the roasted wolf-man, and tossed it into the hero. The latter dodged, then pointed in the direction of his adversaries.
“Tania wor tanouti! (kill them!) Orn wor shef na! (don’t be concerned about me!)” And just like that, a cascade of shadows materialized to shred the enemy flanks and rear. The raging dark spirits now flew all across the surviving hunters’ ranks, ripping and tearing, stabbing and shredding the yelling warriors, as they tried to damage the ethereal vengeful apparitions. Could it be worse? Oh yes! Someone began simply sniping them from afar, numerous beams of piercing light took lives of so many, the Gramgrim’s morale hit the bottom.
Still, that didn’t mean they’d stop fighting. Certainly not! The bat-demon just met a shade with a wide swing from his reddish greatsword – an instant later, this spirit was gone. An adamantine blade – Keyaruga couldn’t just let him roam around – the man tossed a dagger from his sleeve, but no. The warrior just easily deflected it with a sneer. Before the lad could go on, he crossed those twenty meters with merely two jumps, ready to cleave the hero’s head in one rapid sweep.
The man ducked, right leg forward, balance toward offence. A slash was aimed toward the leg…
“Ghhh!” And it failed – the healer got a knee in his chin for that. After all, how can a thin saber cut through the metal greaves underneath the surcoat? Discombobulated, the man was about to get a downward cut to his shoulder.
“A-A-A-A-R-R-R-R!!!” Fortunately for him, another shade saved Keyaruga the trouble by backstabbing the fencer. Well, she just impaled him in the right armpit. Did that stop the berserker? “ULMO-O-O!!! (BITCH!)” Well, certainly not. Even if his one limb flopped uselessly by his side now, the warrior firmly grabbed his sword with his left hand, turned around, and slammed the spirit with the pommel, sending herto in the afterlife for sure!
A perfect chance to dispatch the swordsman, right?
Wrong! Barely had Keyaruga reached out to give the adversary one fatal touch, when another massive tiger-like brute attacked him with his massive claws. Slash, swing, up, down – the bruiser-armorclad was fast, his attacks – relentless. The lad was forced to retreat, elope, block – anything and everything to not get smashed. Each time he blocked a hit with his saber, his elbow would dislocate. No matter, Georgius healed in less than a second. No matter, just get…
“Tokalbarne! (got you!)” Alright, now that was surprising. The lad felt the trap, but proved too slow to escape the massive tail. Distracted by the tiger, he let himself be trapped by a lamia, which now not only enveloped the man’s entire body, but also unceremoniously licked his cheek. Was it the end?
“A-A-A-A-a-a… Ha-ha-HA-HA-HA!!! TUYOBU, TONA!!! (harder, mommy!)” Clearly not! Even while being crushed by the mighty snake tail, Keyaruga laughed, intimidating his foes with the undying audacity within his immortal body. “USHI INAV… MUNA CABNEI!!! (YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD!)”
“Nan-! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!!!” The lamia groaned in pain. A moment later her body began to swell, to bloat, and to rupture in a gruesome spectacle of blood and gore. Could Keyaruga do it better? Certainly, but he had no time, nor wish to figure out the half-shake’s anatomy, and where her heart (Is it just one?) lied.
Either way, one down, the shades did their job too, keeping the rest of the Gramgrim goons busy, often even ending them. They were forty-seven? Well, now they were just nineteen, and the monsters’ corpses didn’t actually do wonders for the battle spirit of the remainder either.
Keyaruga couldn’t care less, though. He got out from the lamia’s mortal grip, covered in blood and viscera, only his clean white teeth shone brightly.
“E-eh…” The tiger-brawler was shaken by the view. He reached toward the woman, unable to believe his eyes. Was she his lover, or something?
“Die!” No matter, whatever the case, the Hero of Healing dashed toward him, pushed his armored left arm against his chest, and then, the purple hue killed the man for good. His aorta just ruptured from the defiled mending spell.
Then, more beasts, some of which were mounted, lunged toward him. Two tigers, a massive deer, a swarm of eight snakes, and even a giant black bear. The warband reasoned that the fastest way to get rid of shadows was to kill the man. Well, they were wrong.
“Saltare et aurugine ventis!” At this point, he didn’t really care about the melee, that’s why, instead of engaging in anymore close-quarter fights, the lad simply called upon a mighty firestorm, a burning tornado of wind and blaze, which not only killed the animals, but also moved on to the rest of the crumbled Gramgrim troops, razing trees, ma-muana and ma-zok alike, charring their flesh and drowning their screams in the mercilessly loud crackling of magical flames.
I guess, that’s what I’m getting for not min-maxing my physical stats and speed before going melee. Well, no matter. Now that they’re dead… Wait, Mil?
“MIL!!!” Keyaruga yelled, running toward the old mage. He… was already beyond saving. Fifteen shades gathered around the hero, as he looked at the impaled man, and his decapitated green-skinned murderer who had been killed next to him. “Muna sagri. (You may leave)” And so, the healer sent the shades away. Quite in time, actually, as they were already flickering in and out of existence anyway – Eve was losing her mana. Finally, the lad was all alone. “Alright, old daredevil. You deserved a nice funeral.” He pulled the spear out of the corpse, and put it on his shoulder. It wasn’t much, but at least, he would be sent off properly.
Time to go, I guess. Now, let’s reunite with Eve, and then…
“A-A-A-A-A!!!” Another change of plans. The lad heard a scream. Two voices, in fact, both females. The man looked around and saw the bat-swordsman, dragging a mother and her child by their hair, completely disregarding their wails of pain whatsoever.
“What, do you really think taking hostages will save you?” Keyaruga scoffed, taking a step toward the cowardly combatant. Quite surprising really, seeing how good he was with that greatsword of his. But, well, two more, two less – the black-wings were doomed either way, right?
“Keyaruga-maran!” Maybe so, but those weren’t just some unknown refugees – they were Mayala and Brin. When the man saw them, he halted his movements completely.
“Good humie! Stand right where you are, or they die!” The cutthroat threatened. It seemed he had already healed the wound left by a shade with a potion. And now, instead of running away, he intended to use the captured family to extort the hero. For what purpose, though?
“Oh, great! Finally, someone, who speaks a human language!” Keyaruga wouldn’t be swayed by that. Why would he, actually? As it stood now, he could simply send a spell of light through the mother or the daughter, run closer, heal them…
Why should I even care? It’d only hurt for a moment, nothing really…
“Good! And stay there, little shit.” Well, turned out, it worked. The healer lowered his saber.
“Or what? You kill them? See those burning pines, pal? I just killed all of your friends. By the way, Gramgrim is no more. I bet Caladrius has already eaten all of their corpses.”
“Hah, no shit, clever boy! Then where is she?! HE-E-EY!!! CALADRIUS!!! OVER HE-E-ERE!!! See?” Sadly, the bat-fencer remained completely unfazed by the news. He still had an advantage – Keyaruga seemed to care for the weeping family, and that was his weakness. “Drop your sword, then get on your knees, or I’ll take their fucking heads!”
“How enticing…” The man wondered with a nervous grin. He spun his weapon once, and pointed it to the ground. Mayala and Brin looked at him, their black eyes conveyed terror and distress. And still, there was a glimpse of hope. Keyaruga could do a miracle. He would save them, just like he saved the girl from the terminal rabies. “Will you set them free if I surrender?”
“Yau! (yeah!)” The swordsman grinned, drawing his reddish blade closer to their necks. “Drop your iron!”
Ha-ha-ha-hah! Oh, what should I do? What should I make?
“Hey, I’ve got a better idea. How about I kill myself?” And just like that, the healer pointed his own weapon at his chest, sowing dread in the hearts of the hostages and careless amusement in their captor.
“What? He-heh! Go ahead, humie, I’ll watch!” The bastard chuckled, slightly lowering his massive blade. This nasty glee grew only greater, when…
“Heh, I’m serious!” …the red-eyed lad plunged his own saber through his chest. To deep, in fact, that only the handle now stuck out from his torso.
“KEYARUGA-SONA!!!”
“UA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!!!”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You’re fucking hilarious!”
Three reactions, one of terror, one of tears, and the last one of irrepressible laughter – Keyaruga spat a chunk of blood, such a wound could never really kill him, and yet, it allowed for a safe movement. One, two, three steps – as long as he pretended to limp forward like a dying fool, the enemy would never stop him from approaching. He liked the view, liked seeing the man bleeding and coughing his own lungs out. He even…
A beam. A beam of white energy just flew right besides his head. It took a moment for the cutthroat to get, what was going on, but when he did, when he understood, that some distant caster could take off his head…
“YOU FUCKER!!!” Then, the cowardly warrior grabbed his greatsword with a two-handed grip, swung it over the terrorized family… “I’LL KI-!” …and died. The last thing he saw, felt, and tasted – was the trident that pierced his neck and head from the back.

Okay this ones gonna be a little lengthy and maybe tmi idk. And i really wanna know if anyone else has gone through this.
I’m 20 years old now, but when i was younger around 12-15 I wore my back brace regularly, I started wearing around 6th grade. To sleep, to school, at home all that jazz. But I never wore it when I needed to eat.
So even back then, I would always get this very uncomfortable feeling in my lower abdomen when I needed to pee. It was the feeling as if something was pushing on my stomach(?) bladder(?) , and of course it was because of my back brace.
I don’t remember exactly when I stopped wearing it, and i haven’t had an appointment in years, but the feeling came back. I cannot for the life of me remember when the discomfort started again, I dont even remember if iv been feeling the discomfort since 15, but I always feel it most at night these past couple of months. Always.
Its starting to disrupt my sleep, having to go pee at night because i feel pressure(?) and its never even a lot. Its just so uncomfortable and I know the source is my brace. Ill have to see a doctor soon but i don’t even know what kind of doctor to see. I have more discomfort/pain from this than my actual curved spine. 😐

Hi guys this is my first time posting on here tbh, I am 16 years old and I really want to leave my house. Obviously, I am not old enough to leave and live on my own, as here in Dubai the legal age is 18. My parents are really strict as their upbringing was very military-like and full of rules with painful punishments (beatings), However, me on the other hand, I was born and raised in Dubai with a more liberated lifestyle so I have obviously inherited a less strict persona from people in school and outside friends, my parents really wanted me to be like them and they were always comparing me to themselves and how good they were during their youth (which is true they were very disciplined), but despite their strictness, I always felt like they treated me so badly, they are so focused on studying and they keep trying to pave my way for the future, like I get that you are so determined on me having a good future but you are doing it in the wrong way as I have no choice to decide about MY OWN life and make MY OWN decisions or mistakes, and me personally I really hate school, like more than anyone, at 16 years of age, I would rather play with toys like a 5 yr old than to study for just 20 mins, I really believe that its not because of laziness or anything because I also go to the gym and if you go to gym aswell, you would know its not so easy as it takes determination and patience, so with that said, its not because I am lazy to do work or cant be asked, its because I just don't like studying and learning things and I jus do not know if education is really my route because I have not been to college before or seen what being an engineer or a doctor is like on a more detailed scale, I know it works and provides people with jobs but its not how I want my future to be, I am more of a youtuber, actor. boxer (or muay thai) and body builder type of a guy, I really want to make videos that are funny and entertaining, I really want attention and fame, I want to become the next big thing, not through scientific research and experiments but through youtube and gym, I have (which my parents laughed at saying how sh*t of a goal it was), my parents try to give me the choice of job that I want in the future (not youtube because that is inexistent to them apparently) but everytime I have a conversation about my goals of possibly becoming an actor I never mention it because whenever they talk to me they always mention and push their ideas about becoming a doctor, engineer, lawyer, etc. And it really sucks man, like what if I want to be an actor, or an artist, or something a little more creative that fits my personality rather than jotting down equations on a piece of paper. Now the only reason why I spent most of my life in school and not spoke to my parents about pursuing a stereotyped smaller route (acting and stuff) or even quitting school overall, was because I saw how determined they were to let me live a good life which is a very good thing so I did not want to upset them.
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When I was younger I was very obedient and therefore studied 24/7 because of my mom, she kept giving me so many assignments a day to complete when I was only like 10 years old, she treated me like a highschooler with so much stuff to do and tight deadlines, obviously I was gonna do really good at school because of it, it was just too much, at that age I did not mind at all because all I thought then was my parents are right and whatever they told me to do was right, but when I grew older I realized that I was so introverted and barely went out unless it was my closest friends birthday or something, I barely had friends at school, I do not know how to conversate with people, and because I did not go out or play a sport I was becoming extremely fat (which my parents said it was because of me being lazy) with no social experiences , I decided to ask my parents to play a sport and they managed to let me play football (soccer) 2 times a week, which really boosted my wellbeing from the intensive studying I did at home. When I reached highschool my parents flooded me with outside tutors almost to the point where everyday I had an studying session with a tutor, this completely ruined my wellbeing and mental health as I was only in year 7 (grade 6), I felt so overwhelmed which made me hate studying completely and thought it was the worst thing that has entered my life, and due to my filled schedule, when I had free time, I tried my best to play video games, I started messing around in school because I do not have time for messing around at home, I started playing video games a lot more and focusing less about the stuff my tutor taught me.
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But whenever I look at my parents I get this reality check in my head and this voice appears and its like "GET UP DUDE, YOU WILL FAIL IN LIFE, MAKE YOUR PARENTS PROUD!", it was like my only source of motivation to study, I really want to make them happy, but guess what, when I finally try really hard on something, my parents do not appreciate it, like they smile and say well done but there was no emotion put to it, which is ok as they might be stressed (they are always stressed), so I take it, but if I make a mistake, even if it was not that much of a big deal, they would burst into flames, they shout at me, curse at me, they say that I do not have a future at all, and as much as I don't want to expose it as I never told anyone this before, they physically abuse me and they are proud of it. One time I tried telling my mom after she hit me with a long thick wooden stick that hitting will only teach me to rebel against her when I grew up and that it does not have any effect on me besides being more careful when committing the mistake, but she said that she felt good when she hit me and it made her feel more comfortable which goes to show that she is not hitting me to teach me a lesson but to only make her feel better (like I am a stress reliever that she can abuse), I spoke to different counsellors at school and they spoke to my parents about the hitting, and my parents fought off the school and informed them that they would continue hitting me as I am their child and they can do whatever I want, and my response to that is, that I never chose to be born by these parents, I never had a say in whether I wanted to be born by them , they made me by having fun under the sheets, and I never got to choose, so do they really own me or is it more like a controlled captive environment because of their wealth and authority over me. Like if I had the wealth I would've been outta here a long time ago, I would provide for my family and my lovely brother (who my parents are treating him the same way), my brother is another main reason why I am still here actually, he understands me and he is only 10 years old, he is so mature and I love him, and his existence made me realize the disgusting treatment my parents gave me when I was younger, and I do not want to leave him alone with my parents so hell end up being as introverted and depressed as me. because the environment at home with my parents is not it.
My parents argue with each other a lot, literally almost everyday, they always have an argument, mainly my mom starting the fight, she's a perfectionist who would kill over a small disagreement or mistake, she holds a huge grudge on you for things you did in the past even if it was over a decade ago, she always thinks she's right and never (like never) wrong. My dad, is a very angry and grumpy person, he does not know how to have a little fun, he gets mad really really easily, he always feels stressed because of work (which is completely understandable) he shouts and hits really hard when punishing me or my brother, he assumes a lot of things when he's in doubt even if I did not do anything. Overall, my family is a mess,
On the bright side, I started hitting the gym about 1 year and a half ago and started muay thai (martial arts) almost 3 months ago, I am in such a better shape, I have lost sm weight, built a good amount of muscle, I started talking to people a lot more, I have so many groups of friends and most importantly, my mental health is amazing.
However, I am still thinking about leaving, despite my parents letting me go to gym and stuff because I know they care for me, I jus cannot live with this bad environment at home, like my life is so good and bad at the same time that I do not know what to do, I just do not like school and I want to pursue a different path, like I am not so sure on what it is but I know that school is not for me. But my parents never gave me the choice, and this continued for a few more consecutive years until today, I am in the middle of my final exams and I still hate studying, I do not feel the priority to study at all, I have a feeling I am going to get bad grades, this test is pretty important and I am worried that my parents might physically hurt me really really hard me if I fail, or even abandon me on results day (on august 2023), I do not know what to do.
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I have left like 3 to 4 times before only to come back to my parents again because I have run out of money and because we are family, and once my dad found me and picked me up, but every time I go back there they treat me well during the heat of the moment but go back to their old ways after some time has passed, it really annoys me because I obviously still love them but it is what it is man. Thank you for reading this, if you have any questions you may ask, and I will be sure to update yall when I can. Any advice would be appreciated.

29F 85kg 175cm Norway
I had a laparoscopy over a month ago to remove an ovarian cyst and had an IUD inserted at the same time to stop me from bleeding and control the discovered endometriosis.
First period comes, seems normal, bit less blood than usual. Period ends, I have unprotected sex with BF for the first time. 1 or 2 days later I start having bloody discharge once or twice a day, part of it is transparent. Few days ago the transparent part became brownish and smells like death, never experienced it before. I have to use tampons all day long because I keep bleeding a bit more every day. I think I might have bled rectally as well on my time on toilet but I'm not 100% sure. BF says he had an STD test during his previous relationship which came back negative but we are unsure if the girl cheated in the end of their relationship (was 2 years ago),, however he has no symptoms.
Contacted the hospital, they sent me to my GP, GP found it unlikely that it's STD, blood test for infections came back negative, referred me to my gyno, got an appointment 2 months from now because they don't believe it's urgent. I feel no pain and experience no other symptoms.
What can it be? What should I do?

M22, NYC. I keep getting recurring UTI symptoms including mild dysuria, swelling, fungal ring on my penis, body aches, pain in jaw, deep eye bags, confusion, and tiredness that won't go away, body rash, and headache. Just in case, I tested for STIs, and it came back negative for everything including hsv1/2. This time, my urine culture came back positive for proteus mirabillis. I'm not sure if this is from contamination or if it's real. I also had a high BUN, and eosinophils. The only unprotected sexual behavior I've taken part in is oral sex with my girlfriend. I haven't been to the hospital at all, so there isn't a chance of me having caught this from a catheter. I was thinking this could be invasive candidiasis due to my weird rashes and confusion. Pls advise.

34 weeks. I recently posted about an irritable uterus with dark spotting, and i was cleared to exercise and resume activity. but with returning to yardwork outside that involved a lot of bending i seem to have fallen back into the issue. My OBs said that i am DONE with yardwork (i really dont know when to quit i guess) but they also urged me to cease heavy weightlifting until i am full term (37+ weeks) which really sucks, especially because i don't think that was the catalyst. I got all checked out with labs and ultrasound and monitoring and they think its just baby being mashed against my lower lying (NOT previa) placenta and moving against it, and me moving against it on the other side. just collectively being a pain in the ass to my placenta haha.
i fully intend to comply with my doctor's orders, until 37 or 38 weeks for sure (probably won't get to lift heavy after that anyway). they also said to be mindful of squats and split squats even without weight. they seemed totally fine with walking, yoga and pilates type stuff, i imagine swimming is fine. they assured me it isnt bed rest!
does anyone have suggestions? i want to be safe and conservative these last few weeks because i want to avoid early induction, and obviously injury to baby or myself! but i also want to try to keep my body active and ready enough for the big day.

28 year old female (obese, recently regained a lot of weight after being limited with my ability to exercise and prepare meals due to endometriosis pain). I have PCOS and a history of endometriosis that was symptomatic from early 2020 to May 2021, when I had a laparoscopic excision to remove it. After surgery, my symptoms were alleviated. I am currently taking spironolactone for acne and had been taking a vitamin D supplement until recently.
I haven’t had my period for over three months. With my PCOS, I can go up to 8 weeks without a period. This is the longest it’s ever been. In addition, I have had on and off cramping in my stomach and occasional dull pain in the right lower quadrant of my abdomen. Both of these things were symptoms I had while struggling with endometriosis, although this pain/discomfort is very mild compared to endometriosis. In addition, I have noticed I have been feeling full sooner since around mid January. I had assumed that this was due to increasing my spironolactone from 100 to 150 mg, but I was told by my dermatologist that this wasn’t a usual symptom. In addition, about a month or two after that, I started experiencing very strong acid reflux with nausea, when I hadn’t been experiencing it before.
In March, I started feeling very weak, lightheaded, nauseous, and exhausted. I was struggling to get out of bed. And I had leg cramps. I ended up going to the ED, but all labs came back normal (CBC, CMP, urine sample), so they assumed it was due to the increase in my spironolactone dose. I lowered it back to 100 mg. I started drinking a lot of electrolyte supplements since I realized I naturally eat a lower sodium diet. That helped with the cramps, lightheadedness, and weakness.
I still was experiencing exhaustion, some brain fog, some headaches, intermittent nausea, loss of period, intermittent abdominal cramps with RLQ pain. I have also been exhausted daily and despite getting enough sleep, still struggle to stay awake during the day. I decided to try supplementing with a B complex with vitamin C in case I was also low on water soluble vitamins due to the diuretic. This has helped a little bit with the brain fog.
I thought my period delay may be from stress since I was working in an extremely toxic work environment with a lot of ethical issues. I left this job and started a new job on May 1st that I am happy in, it has a consistent schedule, and I am not stressed about. My period still has not come.
Now, I’m kind of at a loss as to what is associated with my 3 month delay of my period vs my diuretic. I am wondering if I should be worried about there being a larger problem, since I have a family history of ovarian cancer (yes, I understand this is probably a far reach) or if it is my PCOS advancing or my endometriosis growing back or due to my recent weight gain. I can’t go back to the OBGYN who did my surgery for endometriosis due to change in insurance. I have a PCP I have had one appointment with since moving here about a year ago. Should I be making a doctor’s appointment to see what’s going on? Or should I assume that it’s PCOS or endo related? And if I should be seeing a doctor, should I start with my PCP or look for a new OBGYN? If it isn’t related to PCOS, endo, or my weight gain, what diagnoses would you consider?
Thank you for your time and help!

Yesterday I went and meant with the surgeon and they got me set up for the 16th to have a laminectomy & a disectomy with an artificial disc put in.
How truly awful are these procedures? Whats the likelihood that the pain will stop afterwards? I was told I'll be 'down' for 3 months and have to take PT after the 3 months of healing. Is there anything I should do to prepare for this? Any advice, tips etc?
How bad is that first step after surgery? Do they give you adequate medicine, or will I have to sit in hell like I have been with nothing (Unless I buy off the streets) How do you / how often do you clean the incisions? How do you shower or go to the bathroom? Do I need to invest in a walker?
Someone from a medical company will meet me before the surgery either at my home or the day of to fit me for a back brace & then I guess afterward someone will visit my home to help me? Im extremely on edge and nervous about all of this.
The minutes feel like hours, and the hours feel like days I'm just sitting here in pure agony. I'm begging at this point to just wake up and have this over with. They were going to do the surgery today, but there was an emergency and the only next available spot is in two weeks.
I've only slept an hour or two a night for the last couple of weeks. I wake up in excruciating pain and every step out of bed or movement of then spine burns/pierces in one spot of my butt cheek. It's truly the most demoralizing pain. It is hell. When I try to go to the bathroom or even sit for any reason, it's ungodly painful and I have to stand up after just a minute. I'm so tired of standing all day long.
All I want to do is scream, but that wouldn't make a difference. Then starts the constant throbbing in the calf, and it's just making me more and more angrier.
My foot has been completely numb for nearly a week. Im extremely worried about this. I told the surgeon but it was kind of shrugged off as not a big deal.
This is all too much, and I feel defeated. Read to be normal or dead. Whatever comes first.

I wanted to share a testimony of prayer. My cousin fell off of a horse three years ago and when they did an X-ray not only did they discover that she was pregnant (after seven years of trying) but also had a nodule on her lung. She couldn’t get a CT scan because of the pregnancy so they were going to wait until after she gave birth to do it.
My cousin put it on the back burner and not long after having her first she found out she was pregnant again. After giving birth to her second child she was having pain in her back, went to the doctor, they took an X-ray and the nodule, plus more was there and larger in size. She had her CT done and the doctors were concerned because there were spikes on it. (I’m running off of memory and I don’t remember the technical terms) her doctor told her that it’s very possible that it’s lung cancer but they need to monitor its growth rate and do a bronchoscopy. So they scheduled her appointment for a CT scan in six months. It got pushed a couple months because of insurance issues.
She went in recently for her CT and to everyone’s surprise the nodules were gone. The doctors had no explanation, and said her case was a “head scratcher” and “weird.”
She was on many prayer list with our whole family praying for her. I truly believe it was a work of God. I’m so relieved for my cousin, as her anxiety has been very high during the whole ordeal.
Praise Jesus!

I wanted to share a testimony of prayer. My cousin fell off of a horse three years ago and when they did an X-ray not only did they discover that she was pregnant (after seven years of trying) but also had a nodule on her lung. She couldn’t get a CT scan because of the pregnancy so they were going to wait until after she gave birth to do it.
My cousin put it on the back burner and not long after having her first she found out she was pregnant again. After giving birth to her second child she was having pain in her back, went to the doctor, they took an X-ray and the nodule, plus more was there and larger in size. She had her CT done and the doctors were concerned because there were spikes on it. (I’m running off of memory and I don’t remember the technical terms) her doctor told her that it’s very possible that it’s lung cancer but they need to monitor its growth rate and do a bronchoscopy. So they scheduled her appointment for a CT scan in six months. It got pushed a couple months because of insurance issues.
She went in recently for her CT and to everyone’s surprise the nodules were gone. The doctors had no explanation, and said her case was a “head scratcher” and “weird.”
She was on many prayer list with our whole family praying for her. I truly believe it was a work of God. I’m so relieved for my cousin, as her anxiety has been very high during the whole ordeal.
Praise Jesus!

There were only two of them left in the boat when Pierrat awoke. Only Gilgen sat perched at the other end of the skiff now, already teasing out the bellows of that dratted instrument.
‘What happened to Dimitri?’ Pierrat asked, fighting his way out of an exhaustion that sleep only seemed to make worse.
Gilgan raised his eyebrows and shrugged, the accordion letting out a pained wheeze. ‘I thought you might know.’
Pierrat neither knew nor cared. He’d never exactly liked Dimitri. No one had.
‘Perhaps the shark got him,’ Gilgen added with a supplementary scraping squeal of the accordion for dramatic effect.
Pierrat cast a cautionary glance over the side of the boat. The dark shape that had been following them for the last few days seemed to have vanished.
‘Lucky shark,’ he muttered.
***
The wind cried again that day as if it knew their fate. Four days alone in open water and what little hopes of salvation he might once have held had dissolved.
All the while, Gilgen pummelled away at his accordion, the bellows shrieking and whining like a drunk cat in a burning barn. He’d never seen an accordion abused that badly before.
What were the chances? Of all the people he could have escaped with he’d ended up in close quarters with Saint Dimitri the Pious and Gilgen and his hateful accordion.
The night the ship had sunk had been nothing but a blur. He’d been roughly awoken at some arcane hour by the news that the ship was on fire. The night had been full of the drumbeat of running footsteps and hoarse shouts and the swinging shadows of the lanterns, and Pierrat hardly had the time to get his bearings before he was bundled into a boat and pushed out into the safety of the cold, empty ocean.
It wasn’t until the sun rose the next day and the ship was long gone that he realised there were only two others with him and that they’d been sent out with no food or water. Instead, they had only one oar, a dog-eared bible, and a pistol loaded with a single bullet. And Gilgen’s accursed accordion.
Pierrat had thrown the oar overboard in a rage before the end of the first day. He’d hurled the bible after it a few hours later and threatened to send Dimitri over too if he didn’t cease his wittering about the Lord’s Divine Grace despite the incontrovertible evidence against it.
A dreadful mistake. He could’ve eaten that bible.
Gilgen had moved on to playing something that sounded like a hornpipe being put through a meat grinder. Pierrat gritted his teeth. This was hell, wasn’t it? Surely hell could sound like nothing else.
‘For all that is unholy, can you just shut up? For once in your miserable life? Must I suffer my final days accompanied by the sound of a broken harpsichord full of caoutchouc and doorknobs?’
Gilgen only shot him a hard look and played louder still.
There was only so much a man could tolerate. That accordion should have gone the way of the bible long ago. With a shout, Pierrat lunged at Gilgen, the boat swaying wildly beneath him.
Gilgen stopped him short with a boot to the chest and kicked him back. ‘Don’t you start at me, lad. It’s that impetuous temper that’s got you into this mess, and it’ll do little to get you out of it.’
‘How dare speak to me–’
‘What did you expect, treating people the way you do? Do you believe our circumstances are nothing but a cruel twist of fate? That the three of us didn’t bring this upon ourselves?’
Hazy memories of the night of the fire swam behind Pierrat’s eyes. He’d been too wrapped in panic to register that there had been no smoke nor the distant glimmer of fire as the ship faded away into the night.
‘You know, I’d first assumed you’d killed Dimitri in the night,’ Gilgen continued. ‘But like as not, he threw himself over to spare himself the inevitable.’
‘If I had done, you’d have thanked me for it,’ Pierrat growled. He leapt forward, diving for the gun, but the boat pitched heavily under his weight.
Pierrat stumbled, his shins smacked into the gunwale, his hands grasped at empty air.
And the dark sea rose up to meet him.
***
He spluttered to the surface only for a wave to throw him under again. He fought his way back up, strength failing, lungs burning, the brine sour at the back of his throat.
Over the sighing wind, he caught the first strains of Gilgen’s latest tuneless shanty.
Beneath the rolling swell, something large brushed against his foot.
No, he thought as he dipped under again. Surely this was hell.
---
Original here.

Hello everyone! I have to get this off my chest. 4 years ago I went to the doctor complaining of fatigue - he found swollen lymph nodes all over my body, but particularly in my neck. He sent me for an ultrasound of my neck which is when we found a 1.5 cm tumour on my thyroid. I was sent for a biopsy which came back benign. Life got busy and this year I noticed the lump had grown and was now visible. My doctor ordered another ultrasound which came back as 3 cm. I got another biopsy and this time it was Bethesda 3 (inconclusive). I was immediately recommended to a surgeon. My thyroid levels are normal and my iodine levels are apparently through the roof (although I don't think that means anything).
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It has been 4 years of constant fatigue and illness. At this point, anytime I leave the house I catch a cold. It's been a 3 month wait for surgery which is in 2 days and I'm very excited to get this thing out of me! I'm not sure if it's paranoia and anxiety, but I swear the lump had continued to grow since my ultrasound in March. My voice is crackly and on some days very hoarse. When I lay down I get a choking feeling and the lump hurts to press on. I've also noticed joint pain in both wrists? I am playing a lot of video games though as I've taken time off, but this has never happened to me before. The worst part is I'm having shooting pains in my neck and shoulder and it feels like a nerve is being compressed. I wonder if anyone can relate to these symptoms?
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Lastly, I'm scared. I already have a genetic mutation for Lynch syndrome, which is not typically associated with thyroid cancer - but after watching many family members die of cancer growing up I am terrified of going through that. Both my mother and grandmother had massive growths on their thyroid, but neither had them biopsied because they died from more aggressive cancers around the same time. My partner is very supportive and hopeful, and I wish his optimism would rub off on me.
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Thanks for reading aha I hope you're all doing okay x

We’ve been together for 7 months and I really thought he was “the one.” We connect on every level, my parents love him and his love me, our love languages match up well and until now our communication was very good. He was so into me in the beginning, he was the one who pursued me and he really went for it, and in the beginning we were talking about marriage (he is a serial monogamist who is very devoted to his partner which is a quality I have been looking for). I have always had trust in his feelings for me until now.
When we met I was 125. I had lost 25lb that year due to very diligent calorie counting and going to Pilates classes almost daily. I was in a great routine and very self-motivated. However, we met when we were both in a transitional period. I had just quit my job and was taking off a couple months to travel and then to go to school for a couple months. He didn’t have a job at the time either, and so I invited him to come with me on my travels and come with me to school. As a result we ended up living together for pretty much all of the first 6 months of our relationship.
I told him from the get go that I really struggle to keep my weight down. I had an eating disorder for most of my early 20s, my weight was under 95lb for most of college and at my lowest I was 84lb and had to go to the hospital, and that my weight is a painful topic for me. I showed him pics of me from the beginning of the year before I lost the weight. His reaction to this conversation was very negative, he looked at the pic with disgust and annoyance at the suggestion I might gain it back, which should have been a red flag for me. I tend to be obsessive and “all or nothing” about weight loss. I can lose weight really quickly, count every calorie, go to every class at the gym… but once I fall out of a highly structured routine, I pretty much lose all motivation. I’m an emotional eater for sure, it’s something I work on in therapy. However, my 3 month school program was in a different state where my therapist doesn’t practice, and I could no longer afford the $220/month Pilates membership I’d been laying paying for.
I rapidly gained 15-20lb over the course of like 5 months. I’m still a “normal” weight, and I want to stress that I’m in very good health and a still have an active lifestyle, but I’m at the very edge of being in the overweight bmi category. School was very stressful and I’d eat a bunch of snacks on my breaks just to keep my energy up. It started early so I couldn’t go to the gym before class, and on the weekends I felt exhausted. I also changed my BC which seemed to increase my appetite. I know how different my body looks and I’ve been so self conscious and asking my partner for reassurance constantly because I have an anxious attachment style, which I’m sure must be annoying. I can see that my face looks much fuller, I have a double chin, I no longer have the abs I was working on, and my boobs have become a huge shelf. It’s pretty much all I think about and it bothers me immensely but I didn’t know it bothered him too.
He always assured me it didn’t bother him but clearly he didn’t feel comfortable saying the truth because it all came flooding out in a blow up argument. He said he had a terrible former relationship where she gained a ton of weight and never made an effort to lose it, and so when I told him my weight fluctuates, he said it’s a “red flag that I don’t take personal responsibility for it.” He said that partners are obligated to stay in shape for each other, that he makes an effort so why can’t I? (For the record he doesn’t go to the gym and eats mainly junk food but does get like 20k steps a day and doesn’t eat many actual meals aside from his late night snacking).
The whole conversation made me feel awful. I told him this was very triggering for my eating disorder. The thought that the person I love the most cares so much about my weight is extremely hurtful, it feels like so much pressure. He had very little sympathy about the ED stuff and said I’m weaponizing my eating disorder, that my weight effects him too and he should have a right to discuss it because relationships need open communication. He said he still loves me and is still attracted to me but that this is an issue for him.
We got into a blow out fight about it. Our first real fight. It hurt me so much that I told him I wanted to end it, but he was like “ok fine” and now the power has shifted, he has gone to live with a friend and I’m the one trying to reconcile. It feels like such a huge and sudden loss to lose the person I thought I’d be with forever in just a few hours of fighting. I really thought he was the one, everything else in our relationship has been so perfect and I love him so much. This whole thing is so confusing. I know I can buckle down and lose the weight in just a few months, but knowing it matters to him so much makes me feel sick. I can’t go through my whole life on a rigid diet and exercise regimen or fear losing my partner’s attraction. What if I got pregnant, plus women’s metabolisms go down so much in menopause which starts at like 45. I have always struggled with this and I know I can’t stop or I would have. On the other hand, my compulsive eating was pretty out of control and 15-20lb in 5 months js a lot. Every other dude I’ve dated has had pretty much the same attitude but worse. When I was dating at 125 I definitely got the sense that every guy I went out with didn’t like my body. So, it seems like breaking up with him would just lead to this same thing happening again with someone else. The last thing I want for my self esteem is to go back on the apps, the constant rejection there would feel just as bad.
My parents (who are basically my therapists, they are very wise, feminist, emotionally intelligent, and happy in their 30 year marriage) think I should just give it some time and space. That I shouldn’t overreact. That all the couples they know had a time prior to marriage where they questioned their commitment in various ways. My mom said she wouldn’t feel hurt if my dad told her to lose weight, and vice versa. To me it feels so much bigger but I know that’s because I have deep seated issues about my weight determining my value.
What do you think?
TLDR: 7 month relationship but very serious about each other. I gained a lot of weight rapidly and he’s upset but I feel he is being insensitive to my body image issues and the circumstances regarding my weight gain.

I don’t even know where to begin. I’m just so unhappy in my marriage. We’ve been going to counseling but I don’t think it’s getting through to him or he’s just really stubborn, or doesn’t care. I’m realizing he’s just the coldest person I’ve ever known. Maybe he was always like this and I didn’t even realize. A list of some recent things that have been going on… - Found out about infidelity. It wasn’t straight up cheating, but while I was pregnant he went to a strip club with some guys from work and a girl touched his privates. Apparently he claims that he pushed the girl off but who knows. - while I was pregnant he would stay out late with friends or work people numerous times late at night. I documented one time he didn’t get home until 6am. - when I delivered his mind was somewhere else and was either sleeping or out of touch. Even one of the nurses yelled at him to pay attention. I was screaming in pain asking for him to rub my back and he wasn’t doing it right and got upset. It gave me so much stress that I believe this is why I wind up delivering by emergency c section. - shortly after I gave birth I discovered I had herpes. For a while he declined getting tested and blamed it on me. Of course he had it. He swears he didn’t do anything with anyone but we’ve been married for 9 years and I’ve never had any herpes symptoms. Even the doctors said it was impossible and that it must’ve been a recent contraction. - I wind up having post partum preclamsia and almost died from high blood pressure. He watched the kids during that time but I never felt like he really cared or went an extra mile to care for me. The most he did was get up for our infant during the night time so I could heal. Our smallest baby is now 11 mo and he still gets her at night but I feel like it’s the least he can do after putting me through hell. - through all of this I was breastfeeding. We have 2 kids and one day I was trying to explain to him that I would get the 4 year old after I finish pumping in the morning bc I’m so engorged. He basically said it was too hard to get 2 kids in the morning and gave me a really hard time so now I get our 4 year old ready and just wait to pump afterwards and make the sacrifice for my own body. - so yesterday he said he wanted to start going to the gym in the morning so now he will get 2 kids. So I told him that I’m very hurt and I think it’s selfish that NOW all of a sudden getting to kids is no problem bc u want to go to the gym and want me to watch the kids while u are there. So I reminded him about the breastfeeding. So he made me feel bad and said we’ll now u get to pump and do what u need to do. I feel like he’s so insensitive and selfish and o told him my feelings and asked him to apologize. He refused and said that if I need to pump then basically I need wake up earlier.
I could go ok and on. But I think what bothers me most is his response to things and just no remorse for when he makes me feel bad.
The stripper instance for 1 it took me weeks to get him to confess in the 1st place after I had been in and out of the doctor for weeks wondering where the hell I got herpes from and FINALLY 1 day he said he didn’t think he did anything wrong and didn’t think strippers are worth mentioning. I felt so violated and thrown away. Like wtf do u mean it’s not worth mentioning when u see your wife struggling with herpes and YOU gave it to her. To this day I think something more happened than just her touching his privates bc u don’t get herpes from someone touching your privates. There was never no sorry I did this to you, no remorse, just stonewalling and discard for my feelings. It’s like he has no guilt.
Overall he’s an excellent father, although he throws my sons toys out sometimes when he is being bad which is a little suspect to me and I don’t want him to have long term affects on our son, but anyway… he’s a shitty partner.
Oh and also he dates himself in the weirdest way. We both work from home and oddly he goes out for lunch to the same Cuban restaurant and claims he has lunch by himself. Never asks me if I want to go with him or nothing.
I think he just expects me to be like him mom and cook and clean and be his slave and accept his infidelity but he’s got the wrong lady.
Every time I do express my feelings he’ll say things like, why can’t you just be nice and make me coffee? Like wtf.
I don’t know where I’m going I just also need to vent. I even fantasize having an affair to just feel truest loved and honored by another man. I want to go out. Feel special, get ready again. Not have to worry if someone is cheating on me. Someone to do things for me out of the kindness of their heart, go visit me in the hospital, tell me the truth, someone I can express my feelings with. Someone to actually love me.

Pardon my English, not my lingua franca.
Earlier this week, I have a minor surgery done for my transsphincteric fistula-in-ano. The initial anaesthesia plan is for me to receive spinal block regional anaesthesia due to the location of the operation area is on the lower half of my abdomen (anus/perianal area).
During the induction process, turned out my back is still in pain (I have back pain earlier this year, with no further medical assessment, but I thought it has gone for good and never mention it to the anaesthesia team before), so the anaesthesiologist recommend to change to general anaesthesia to lower the post-op risk if we went through the spinal block.
I just feeling a pressure and throbbing pain when the anaesthesiologist palpate/press on my lower spine. I didn't even feel the sensation of being injected even with the local anaesthetic before they stop the attempts and change the plan due to my pain reaction - I groaned in pain when they press my lower spine. The MO (aka anaest residence) even told me and calm me down by saying they didn't even inject the drug yet (they thought I was reacting in panic of receiving the spinal injection).
After they stop inducing the spinal block, they do a quick check and brief me the pro and cons of changing plan to GA. I gave my verbal consent and quickly helped to lay back down on the table. Everything is so quick, I was given oxygen and after couple of minutes, the anaesthesiologist told me they will injected the medicine now. I felt the gas changed to something else and feel something being plunged into my iv line at the same time. Then, everything went black. I woke up in post-anaesthesia observation bay 2 hours later with sore throat, dizziness and abdominal cramp. I have throbbing back pain on the problematic spine until the next day - thought it was caused by the pressure applied by the anaest MO before.
Today, my lil sis told me she noticed an injection mark on my back/lower spine. There're 3 of them. 2 small injection mark and one a bit bigger. She noticed it since 3 days ago but just asked me today when I already discharged.
The question is, why I still have that mark when the spinal block has been changed to general anaesthesia? Is it possible they changed it back to spinal block after I being knocked off, but failed to inform me later? How I can asked this question to my anaesthesia/surgical team during my later follow up without being deemed as rude or acted as know-it-all?
FYI, I am obese type-3 patient with mild asthmatic issue. No other medical health problem.
Please enlighten me.

I am 38 yr old male recently realized having hypertension after visiting ER twice for elevated heart rate and chest pain. Doctor put me on atenolol and I was diagnosed to have sleep apnea for 2 yrs now and gave up CPAP 2 yrs back as I couldn’t stick to routine with it with a new born baby at home. Now that my daughter is 2.5 I restarted my CPAP and now trying to be regular on it. Also I have been having adenoids since childhood and do have them even now quite big size ones for a typical male as per my ENT doctor. This summer I am planning to having them removed as well as use CPAP and also put down some weight all in order to get back my normal blood pressure without medication.
Plz suggest what to expect what to do and what not to do with regards to my long term plan