I (36f) got banned on Venmo due to a customer doing a chargeback on an order they had received (I sell candles and bathbombs, I know they received it as package was signed for, if they were unsatisfied for whatever reason I would have refunded had they just asked but they went straight to disputing), this Venmo was a business account.
However I still heavily rely on it for business; I'm a small business owner and it's what many of my customers use to pay.
So a friend of mine has agreed to take Venmo payments on my behalf and I told her for her help she can take 10% of the proceeds; and I only use this as a last resort if customer can't pay another way (cashapp, zelle, PayPal etc).
She is good at remembering to send the payment but one time a month or so ago when I asked her she felt insulted when I asked her if it had been received because she "never forgets" (and which is true up to that point she hasn't), I wasn't implying that she forgot, I just had a deadline to get a discount on a bulk order for some supplies and wanted to see if I'd be able to make it or not, I wasn't trying to insult her memory/remembering skills.
Anyway she owed me a recent payment this time she did forget because she sent me.$$ from another order in the week and thought "she already did it" and I told her no that was another customer, that was two days ago and she said "ok I'll do it later."
I however two days later didn't receive it and I have to pay my rent, so I tried to be super gentle about it and say "hey when you send the zelle payment please send it to xyz account as that's where my rent comes out" again she gets insulted that I'm implying she'll forget (though it did seem like she genuinely did forget, and I tried to be as gentle and diplomatic about it as possible).
AITA for reminding her again?

Following a Tolstoy deep dive that left me in equal parts admiration and despair, I've just moved onto Dostoevsky. And in preparation for his famous big ones I thought to use Notes from the Underground as a primer. I want to get the correct context straight in my head before embarking on these next steps.
After the existential seriousness of Tolstoy I was completely unprepared for how funny Dostoevsky is. The scenes between the Underground Man and his old classmates and servant had me laughing out loud.
Moving onto his next works, to what extent should I read Dostoevsky being mindful that he was writing with Russian censors reading over his shoulder? Should I be on the lookout for hidden meanings smuggled in or was he genuinely pious?
Any other pointers for my next steps on this journey? Are there any podcasts which I could listen to that would enrich my experience of Dostoevsky. I've been finding the Dostoevsky sub's really helpful.

Last night it was my friends birthday and we all went to a bar that we visit quite often. For context, my ex bf and I of four years recently split up, let’s call him Sam. Sam was also at the party since he’s a part of the group. My friend and I were getting our picture taken by another friend and we were standing near our table when someone walking by spanked me and squeezed my ass. My friend who was taking the picture saw it and we both looked at each other in shock. I don’t know why I immediately started crying. Everyone in my group including Sam were infuriated and Sam ran behind the guy and proceeded to throw his drink at him. Sam was gonna strike him hard but he was stopped by someone, and the guy immediately ran out of the bar. I wanted to be the one to slap the guy in that moment, but I don’t know why I was unable to. After this sam was visibly infuriated even after I had calmed down, he was determined he wanted to do something. The next day he tracked the guy down and also got cctv footage from the bar. Sam called up the guy and completely went off at him, the guy was extremely apologetic and gave the usual “I was drunk” excuse. He was practically grovelling when sam told him we would file a police complaint.
Now sam also found this guys Instagram and we learned he has a girlfriend of 9 years to whom he just got married, so basically his wife. Sam told me we can meet him at the bar and I can hit him and stuff and make him apologise. He is determined to beat him up but I don’t wanna go down that road. I’m confused what I should do about it, I want to hold him accountable. Apparently he also winked at another woman at the bar and told her “call me”. On the one hand I’m thinking I could tell his wife, but what if he goes ballistic and wants revenge on me? I don’t know what I should do, is it worth it? I want to hold him accountable but I don’t know if simply slapping him will be the solution, and if telling his wife will make him go crazy and try to do something worse to me. I just don’t know the right thing to do here.

I'm visiting my boyfriend (25m) of 1.5 years in India for the second time very soon (we're long-distance). Last time I didn't have many clothes with me because I didn't know what to expect and wanted to travel with a light weight. This time we're going to Goa and I wanted to bring more clothes. Last time I wore jeans or long pants and usually a long shirt. Everything was wide and I didn't show much skin but people were still staring a lot because I'm white. This time I wanted to take some new clothes with me, like a bright pink, long shirt I bought. My boyfriend says I look too good in it and he would prefer it if I wore more "normal" clothes like last time.
I thought he said that to not put even more unwanted attention upon me/us which I can understand. While that's true, he's afraid that someone would take pictures or something and it would somehow reach his parents. I know he hasn't told them about me and why it's not a thing in his culture. They're traditional and he still lives with them as well. I understand his reasoning but it really bugs me that he doesn't want me to look overly good. It's like he doesn't want to be seen with me, his girlfriend. My skin colour makes me stick out a lot anyway, I feel like a more coloured shirt won't make a big difference. It makes me wanna stay inside the whole vacation tbh.
Can anyone offer some insight into this? Idk if I'm being unreasonable or he is or both. He doesn't explicitly forbid me to wear something, he just doesn't want us to stick out more. I don't want that as well but I thought Goa is more open-minded and I could wear something more special for a date maybe.

Where did this abundant love go?
-
You are not disappointed
And because you are a werewolf
It passes whenever the moon is in the middle of the dome of the sky
Then you will howl at him
The moon flushed with terror and turned pale
-
Don't tell me before you come
My bad self hears the knock of your shoes
This is why my pulse is low
I wanted him to let consciousness betray me
As I wished before I fell asleep
I don't get up and don't wait for a deadline
-
I'm not good at anything
Even for beautiful words
All of these things are no longer impressive
Maybe I don't feel anything anymore
Could they be the first things to die?
-
Although I really liked
And I wrote all the poems for her that I danced for her
However, it was extinguished and the poems were left dancing alone on paper
-
A group surrounds me
If I cried, they would cry with me
I see them laughing innocently
She is so beautiful that I don't even realize it
Even my face hides the nasty pain in my chest
My eyes dimmed as I looked at the walls
Inside me is a child who does not sleep
And whenever you forget it
He came back to scream
​
-
Don't frown on me
I see you and hug you with both hands
When I hugged you, you came off my back
My back is not fit to be stabbed
His paths are open forward
You can enter it and leave
Just take off your shoes and take my heart and pray for it
-
A lover has been killed before
for a dream
He was raising his face to the sky
He searches for his resemblance, which he did not find in the water
He did not have a mirror, but he ascended into the white cloud
I called him Nasser kissed me before you died
-
Sad music plays for insight
Girl pulling her tail towards the noose
Her mother's cry shattered the rock, and it flowed soundlessly
-
Isolation did not deliver what it promised me
I ran towards her
And you came to her with an apple and temptation
I thought she would tell you
You covered me with silk dresses
I even looked naked
I looked out the window at the tree
I saw the threads in full color
The misery worm loves it
-
Finally, the news comes to you
Don't get close to what you like
Rather, you will leave where you do not know anything
You do not know the dwelling, nor the faces, nor the language
Strangers in every sense of the word
Instead, you are curious about your salinity
In order not to be discouraged and the news becomes a lie
Come to your senses, light your cigarette, and sip on the flowers
​
-
I met her on alabaster
Dancing in the belly of a conch
I said come
She said come
-
Behold, I am spilled and delirious
Just like water on a rock
Spread my crumbling body to melt my soul
Who is she to hate me and take it off
Spirit owns me
You enslaved me
What do you want ?
-
Who can return as I did
Who woke up without a dream
-
Yesterday I closed one of my eyes
So do the clock
Which one do you see more?
These balloons are dancing in the air
The one in Bimini was near Ashe
But she knows
She is far from my heart
That's why I understand why
-
Whenever fear calls me
The whisper in my mind is unresponsive
Let's do deaf
​
-
Whenever my heart falls the pressure device lies
It was a long walk that made me brave
He asks me: He who breastfeeds alone knocks
-
Remind me of me
When the barriers of death are broken
As long as you tremble before you, filled with hatred
Do you remember the seven caves
O companion of the wolf, the lights fear you, so they close their eyes to you
-
After her death, I received her letters
She had an infection
And here I come to it, but more love and pain
-
What are they called and to whom?
I don't understand any of their nonsense
They point at me
Their signs indicate that this meaning is coming
Well, I'm not going with you
I'm going to life
-
This silver ring
It was the size of my finger when I loved you
He fell, madam
I don't know who melted the meat
-
https://aqelayash.blogspot.com/2018/01/normal-0-false-false-false-en-us-x-none_1.html
when I loved you

So I learnt to dive on Koh Tao (Thailand), like a lot of the world's divers. I look back to my time on that small island (2014/15) and it was also a lot of fun, and I put that down to the community there, especially in high season. The dive school attached to a bar that everyone went back to (buddha view in chalok, afaik no longer exists) alongside their own accomodation right next to it, but also other accomodation close by, meant divers post-dive werent being taken away by some mini bus to their hotels further away or the group splitting up and walking off as it was a bigger city.
Everyone got to know each other quite fast as well and the proximity of lots of beach bars and restaurants next to each other also helped if those you met then went to another place for drinks or food. I would wake up in the morning, walk out to get breakfast and bump in to people again I'd got to know the day before.
That said it wasnt all perfect and now know, having dived other sites, that koh tao is over-dived and the waters are quite bad.
I guess what I'm looking for is recommendations of other places in the world (or elsewhere in thailand) I can consider for future dive holidays, where I can experience that again. Criteria for me is somewhere warm enough (dont like cold water diving), easy enough to get to, not a liveaboard (appreciate these can be fun, but thats a different experience), good local community that stays in the same area post dive, good waters with coral/fish. When to go as to high season/best time. I sort of feel like this would probably be some sort of smaller island again, as my experience of bigger islands or cities is that mini buses for dive shops pick up from all over the place, so the community is already fractured?
Happy to accept recommendations on here or be pointed to a website if anyone knows one that covers this.

Hi, so this is a two part post.
First is the general question that I am curious about, and second is my scenario.

When choosing a new component, how much does the power draw affect your decision?

Primarily looking at GPU as the main component.
Do you factor in the cost over life time you'll have the component for?
Do you factor in if you need to purchase a new PSU, or maybe anything else?
Or would you say you are primarily driven by raw cost / performance of a component?

My scenario

Okay so now my scenario which gives context to why I ask, but feel free to ignore as the above might actually help me. Or just respond to this, all good.
My current build:

CPU	AMD 5600X
GPU	GTX 1080 (ol' reliable)
RAM	32GB (not sure on rest tbh)
Motherboard	Gigabyte B550I Aorus Pro Ax
PSU	Corsair RM650X
Storage	2x M.2 SSD
Monitor	Asus ROG 1440p 165hz (I was young...)

​
I have been spoilt by this GPU. Outlasted all previous components with me upgrading mobo, cpu, and ram about 2.5 years ago and this GPU lasting 6 years now.
It still runs most at 1440P, but PC is typically strategy and ARPG with some older games in the mix. Nothing too crazy.
I am at the point tho where it's age is showing. The 8GB of vram holds reasonably well put the GPU will often be at 100% usage way before CPU even gets to 10% in a lot of games.
What do I upgrade to? Is what I am asking myself.
I am using Toms Hardware as general benchmark with some give or take on the general performance of cards.
Here just looking at the 1440p Ultra Graph (feel free to give me other resources if you want) there are a few cards that are roughly where I'd be happy with from raw performance and those are the cards that sit roughly between 100 - 120.
What about budget tho?
This is where the title comes into it.
My PSU is currently great, it is fully modular, gold rated, held up pretty well. Maybe it's a bit old.. maybe it needs an upgrade regardless, but it is sat strong for now.
The 1080 looking at this resource sits at about 180 W. That's a nice number. What a card!
Now, if I look at the cards I mention about, they are like so:
​

GPU	Power Consumption
6800 XT	300 W
6900 XT	300 W
6950 XT	335 W
4070	200 W
4070 TI	285 W
7900 XT (At the high end	300 W

​
Given the above, and my PSU, I'm going to estimate that 300 W plus will leave little room for comfort. Ignoring the additional 50% cost from the 1080 in power consumption.
The 4070 is sitting in a pretty nice position.
Obviously, there are other factors like the performance on the chart, but then DLSS and other nvidia niceties that help the performance. But also the VRAM, 4070 has 12GB which is an upgrade from 8GB of the 1080 but still on lower side for longevity.
How much will you pay tho?!
Okay, so the market is annoying. Nvidia are selling high and it's not the market it was when I got the 1080 for £400.
I am thinking around £600 but that can be somewhat flexible really to 10-20%.
Using Overclockers for these numbers below as rough market values.
A 4070 is around £600, with Diablo, which could be sold to take 30-40 off off that.
A 6950X is in the same price range, without a game. More performance though and more VRAM - but more power consumption.
But then a new PSU, is that needed? That would be an additional £100-£200 which blows the budget out.
Let's wrap this up
If you've read all this, nice one.
Thanks for reading the rambles, and if there is any information that isn't correct then please response to let me know and I'll edit accordingly.
This is mainly just the scribbles of my thoughts.
Do I actually need to upgrade for my current use case? Maybe not.
I could probably wait it out until a big game comes out I want to play, and maybe the market has changed or maybe the 7800 XT is out by then? Who knows.
Labelled as discussion but if it's more build help then feel free to update mods. It's a bit of a both and I am more curious on general discussion around the topic and cards then specifically modifying my build.

Hello. Before I became completely disabled, I had trained multiple fighting styles, brazilian jiu jitsu being my favorite, I think. I have been physically attacked multiple times due to uncontrolled aggression from non autistic people due to what looks like their social deficit to me. Due to this, I felt I had to learn to defend myself properly. There seem to be quite a few autistic people that train. I was wondering if anyone here does? And if so, what do you think about it? Alrighty.

I just read a book (Lemonade by Nina Pennachi) with a completely unapologetic manipulative character who never seem to see himself wrong with what he does and it was a breath of fresh air to the commonly kind ,righteous and just protagonists.
So i'm looking for books with those kind of protag/
I really meant rude protagonists who are also unapologetic never seeing faults in their own actions. If they are gaslighters then EVEN better. Just terrible people in short.
They don't necessarily have to be super evil or something like (aka Prince of Thorns)
Thanks !

I’m really not sure if that’s the right tag so sorry if it’s not, Everytime summer comes around I get a few invites from work colleagues and friends to go out with them but I always have a overwhelming amount of panic and a sinking feeling rush over me when someone tries organising stuff, I haven’t gone out with friends since march of this year and I enjoyed it but they later said it was a bad day out and haven’t invited me anywhere since this has ruined what little confidence I had to enjoy time out with people, invites come in I try my best to delay them and avoid them since I get overwhelmingly anxious about how I’ll look and act when I’m out, i literally can’t stand it I’ve lost so many friends due to my own fears and everyone around me has started to think I dislike them when I decline plans and find excuses to not come, I hate it I want to make memories with my friends without being nervous about every little thing around me ordering food, travelling to the meeting point and just enjoying my time without constant paranoia seems impossible to me I really need help and have no clue where to start if anyone has any recommendations that would be great I just want to stop rotting in my room.

So I work from home in customer service for a major tech retailer and have done for nearly 3 years now. Worst thing they ever did was allow Live Chat.
I got abused today too- that’s an everyday thing. But the most annoying mf… “Hi what can I buy for $50?” Hi there, we have lots of items that would fit that category (literally thousands). I’d recommend browsing our website. “I got a $50 gift card, what should I buy?” Sorry I can’t help you, if you narrow it down I can put your through to sales? “Can you recommend a product to buy?”
On and on for over 20 minutes, we finally got somewhere when she asked “what is sales”.. but then back to what should I buy and why wouldn’t I tell her.
Honestly, I’d rather they just swore at me so I could end it and block them. Having to guess whether they’re taking the piss and potentially getting in trouble is such a drainer. 99% sure she was but some people are honestly that dumb 🤦🏻‍♀️

People online tell me that women like men more than men like women, in a more well rounded way and across the world and throughout history
I gave some examples of what I read online to my parents, sister and psychologist and they told me:
That most people believe that sexism is more common towards women than men, but not sooo much more common. Maybe 70/30 or 60/40. And that most people believe that sexism towards men is not just a thing as backlash because of sexism towards women
That most people believe that sexism is not about hating women, it was about men exerting physical strength to get roles of power through history. But that women were not seen as inferior nor lesser. That traditional roles were seen as different, but equal. So women raised families and had an important role doing that. While men worked. And women weren't seen to be catering to men, serving men, owned by men nor defined by their relationships to men. Because men were expected to marry and serve their wife by working too
That most don't believe that men objectify women while women don't objectify men. Nor that women respect and treat men better
That most don't believe that women are attracted to men in a more well rounded way than men are attracted to women nor that if you took sex away, men would prefer men in all other ways and see them as superior
That most don't believe that women in Muslim countries or women through history like men more than the men like women nor treat them better
That most think violence towards women is not about hating women but about power, control, testosterone, and women being easier targets due to being physically weaker. And that the same men who commit domestic violence would also be the types to start pub fights with other men, or to target kids.
That most people don't think that women hate each other, compete and get jealous while men have stronger bonds, friendships and camaraderie. They think that women mostly support each other too
That most people don't think that men who do female jobs/hobbies roles are held to lower standards and praised for the bare minimum, while women who do male jobs/roles are held to higher standards and have to prove themselves. Also that most think workplaces like the police may be a big boy's club but that there are also ones that are a girl's club. Also that most don't think that women are held to higher behavioural standards/expectations than men nor judged harsher, etc. Nor that female celebs and characters are trolled/threatened, bullied and hated more online than male ones are
That most people don't think that men prefer father figures, male role models and male idols and lead characters, while women can appreciate either gender in all of those things. Nor that women support and praise the men of LGBT more than the women of LGBT, gay men more than lesbians, etc. Nor that women support gay men much more than men support lesbians
What do you think?
Why does the online world say differently? And also how do women and f eminists stay attracted to men while believing that women like men more and in a more well rounded way and that take sex away and there's not much left keeping men interested in women? That's the biggest turn off to me, reading online put me off men for life. I mean why would you be okay with unrequited love or imbalanced love from one gender to another? Being okay with finding the needle in the haystack is pathetic. People online made me reclusive/avoid people and not wanting to associate with people ever again. I won't accept being surrounded by a society where most believe and accept it.

When I was younger we ways had pulled pork at family picnics. It wasn't barbecued. From what I remember it had celery seed and perhaps apple cider or white vinegar. It was more of a plain recipe but it had such a distinctive taste and I want to make it for my kids however family members that made it have passed on and I can't find it anywhere. Anyone out there know what I'm talking about or have the recipe? Thanks!

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Where did this abundant love go?
-
You are not disappointed
And because you are a werewolf
It passes whenever the moon is in the middle of the dome of the sky
Then you will howl at him
The moon flushed with terror and turned pale
-
Don't tell me before you come
My bad self hears the knock of your shoes
This is why my pulse is low
I wanted him to let consciousness betray me
As I wished before I fell asleep
I don't get up and don't wait for a deadline
-
I'm not good at anything
Even for beautiful words
All of these things are no longer impressive
Maybe I don't feel anything anymore
Could they be the first things to die?
-
Although I really liked
And I wrote all the poems for her that I danced for her
However, it was extinguished and the poems were left dancing alone on paper
-
A group surrounds me
If I cried, they would cry with me
I see them laughing innocently
She is so beautiful that I don't even realize it
Even my face hides the nasty pain in my chest
My eyes dimmed as I looked at the walls
Inside me is a child who does not sleep
And whenever you forget it
He came back to scream
​
-
Don't frown on me
I see you and hug you with both hands
When I hugged you, you came off my back
My back is not fit to be stabbed
His paths are open forward
You can enter it and leave
Just take off your shoes and take my heart and pray for it
-
A lover has been killed before
for a dream
He was raising his face to the sky
He searches for his resemblance, which he did not find in the water
He did not have a mirror, but he ascended into the white cloud
I called him Nasser kissed me before you died
-
Sad music plays for insight
Girl pulling her tail towards the noose
Her mother's cry shattered the rock, and it flowed soundlessly
-
Isolation did not deliver what it promised me
I ran towards her
And you came to her with an apple and temptation
I thought she would tell you
You covered me with silk dresses
I even looked naked
I looked out the window at the tree
I saw the threads in full color
The misery worm loves it
-
Finally, the news comes to you
Don't get close to what you like
Rather, you will leave where you do not know anything
You do not know the dwelling, nor the faces, nor the language
Strangers in every sense of the word
Instead, you are curious about your salinity
In order not to be discouraged and the news becomes a lie
Come to your senses, light your cigarette, and sip on the flowers
​
-
I met her on alabaster
Dancing in the belly of a conch
I said come
She said come
-
Behold, I am spilled and delirious
Just like water on a rock
Spread my crumbling body to melt my soul
Who is she to hate me and take it off
Spirit owns me
You enslaved me
What do you want ?
-
Who can return as I did
Who woke up without a dream
-
Yesterday I closed one of my eyes
So do the clock
Which one do you see more?
These balloons are dancing in the air
The one in Bimini was near Ashe
But she knows
She is far from my heart
That's why I understand why
-
Whenever fear calls me
The whisper in my mind is unresponsive
Let's do deaf
​
-
Whenever my heart falls the pressure device lies
It was a long walk that made me brave
He asks me: He who breastfeeds alone knocks
-
Remind me of me
When the barriers of death are broken
As long as you tremble before you, filled with hatred
Do you remember the seven caves
O companion of the wolf, the lights fear you, so they close their eyes to you
-
After her death, I received her letters
She had an infection
And here I come to it, but more love and pain
-
What are they called and to whom?
I don't understand any of their nonsense
They point at me
Their signs indicate that this meaning is coming
Well, I'm not going with you
I'm going to life
-
This silver ring
It was the size of my finger when I loved you
He fell, madam
I don't know who melted the meat
-
https://aqelayash.blogspot.com/2018/01/normal-0-false-false-false-en-us-x-none_1.html
when I loved you

I was looking for themes in the Japanese PS store and came across what I believe is a theme for Mask of Truth with Haku wearing his mask and holding his fan in front. It costs about 400 yen but I wanted to know if it had any sound track to it. Does anyone know or have it?

I will be enrolling into Mathematical Sciences this year, just had a few qns regarding laptop:
1) is a discrete/dedicated (idk what do u exactly call it) GPU required? I personally don’t game so I don’t need it, but is it required/recommended for any modules or I can comfortably go with an integrated GPU?
2) would an AMD processor face any incompatibility issues etc? currently looking at Lenovo and Asus and it seems like for the same model and generation of laptops, the AMD version is cheaper than the intel version by $100-$200. I googled and found that there was some issues with Examplify (?) but it seems to have been solved?
3) looking to get a 2-in-1 laptop so I can write on it as well, is it recommended or is it better to just buy a normal laptop and use pen and paper?
thank you!