Hi all. I need some help, although I have to keep it discreet for now.
I (21F) met a someone in my country (26M) on tinder. We matched late night one around 2 months ago. We spoke for a while that night and he asked me if I wanted to meet, at this point I wasn't sure who he was, I just thought he was a normal guy. I was hesitant to meet at first cause I had just got home but my friend encouraged me to go.
We met at the beach by where he was staying at as he was here on holiday. I was instantly star struck. He was beautiful and 1000x more interesting than I thought he was going to be. He shared with me what he does etc etc and I kept my cool throughout the night. We stayed talking for hours. About my life, his life, how he got to where he was, experiences, people we met, music etc etc. It was THE NIGHT. When I got home I looked him up, and wow.. So so so talented. I havent stopped doing research on him. As creepy as that sounds. Listening to him in podcasts, interviews, fan videos, songs, movies. He is almost a new idol to me.
The next 4 days were possible the best of my life. He took me for lunches, dinner, we went shopping for jewellery for him and I shared my knowledge, quirky dates. Laughing, sharing moments, stories, emotions, a cheeky kiss here and there. I felt safe with him. I felt myself. He listened. He was interested by me and asked questions. Nobody does that. Not even my family. He showed GENUINE CARE.
He had amazing things to say about me and to me, and I am inclined to believe them because why would he want anything to do with me? A nobody? When he can literally have any celebrity woman he wants. I kept aware as my insecurities could not trust 100%. After these amazing 4 days passed, he had to go home but ever since he has been asking me to go and see him where he lives, or to travel with him. We speak at least once a day for a small amount of time and have facetimed now and again. He has shared new music he is working on and the majority are about me. He compliments me. It feels like he is interested in my soul. He is so intense, but a good way. He pushes me to do better and when we are in contact I instantly feel better. He raises my aura.
I was feeling okay for a long time but today I checked his socials as I hadn't heard from him and I saw there was a woman on there, which is not abnormal for his lifestyle but I felt an overwhelming feeling of jealousy. I know I have fallen.. maybe too quickly. I don't know what to do. He is coming back to my country in a few weeks with some family members and he wants me to meet them. HELP!
Is it okay to feel jealous? Is it too soon? Is he being authentic? Is this all a ruse? Shall I step back and try and slow my feelings? Do I talk to him about this when he comes back? Do I play it by ear?

7th, june, 2023
Welp... time to lay my work bare for the world to tear apart.
Here's a snippet of the "sample" chapter for my first NOP fanfic, "The Nature of Great Herds", TLDR, Federation wins the Arxur-Federation War, spends the next 400 years becoming even worse than they are in cannon, before coming across a humanity beefed up enough to stand a chance of fighting them. This is set at the very end of the war so it can be considered a prequel chapter.
Im fairly new to writing still so any criticism is more than welcome. This is only half of what i have down for chapter 0, being about... 3/5ths of what i have planned for the chapter as a whole, the next half i have done is the Arxur dreadnought tearing apart Slanek's fleet before its finally destroyed and i want to see what people think of my writing before i go any further. Feel free to ask questions about "The Nature of Great Herds" as well.
Oh! and thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for creating this wonderful world of yours and by extension the community based around it.
(I would post this in HFY, but ill wait until this is done to post this there)
Memory Transcription subject: Admiral Slanek of the New Venlil Republic
Date [Standardized human time]: 12th of February 2210
“400 years… after 400 goddammed years its finally ending” I thought to myself as I weaselly breathed. I was lucky to have lived long enough to see this day, even with Kolashian age rejuvenation treatments. Even now my fur has long lost its bright grey lustre, its softness, replaced by a rough feeling, unhealthy old grey. But I had still pushed through. I had to. To See this day. The day the Arxur are finally made extinct. To see the day 400 years of pain and blood shed end.
All around me in my flagship’s CIC, I saw other Venlil. All of them younger than me by decades, all of whom were not even born before Venlil Prime was destroyed. All of them here for the same reason as i. Revenge. Revenge for Venlil Prime. Revenge for all of our people the who the Arxur had killed. Revenge for all the members of the Federation, the Great Herd, that the Arxur had killed. We were all here to cast these nightmares into the abyss they had come from.
We had spent months tracking down this fleet, their last remnants and it seems that they finally had a brief moment of partial sanity. If they were fully sane they would have killed themselves like the Humans, but no. They still had that typical predatory derangement. They wanted to fight. To make a last stand. To drag as many of us with them as they could, in a last bout of predatory bloodlust.
Already the battle was in full swing but it seems we would be the last to arrive. The Arxur were not fighting to kill as many of us as possible for some unknowable reason. They were trying to drag the last battle out for as long as possible. Why? I don’t know. I was certainly not complaining however. It would give us all the chance to play our part in the Arxur’s final stand.
“Admiral!”
It was the CIC’s subspace technician. I nodded towards him and he continued on with his report.
“Were about to come out of subspace, right behind the Gojid fleet! In 60 seconds!”
A wave of excitement filled the room. It was our turn now.
Once a minute had passed, in a wave of multicoloured light, we arrived, 250 ships total with 5 artillery ships with one of them being my flagship, exiting subspace right behind a battered Gojid fleet. They were down to half their numbers. I could not help but grimace. The Gojid… the race we were the closest with, who had taken in our sick our wounded… our whole race when Venlil prime and their own homeworld of Cradle was destroyed as well in the Arxur Blitz, seeing them so badly mauled lit up a spark of rage in me.
“Were being hailed by the Kolashian Flagship!”
“Connect it to my communication suite”
Static greeted my ear as a connection was made to the Kolashian flag ship, but soon the Static disappeared, replaced by the familiar voice of Grand Admiral Thran.
“Slanek, I am glad to see you have arrived. We are getting battered by their last dreadnought, that dammed thing is the anchor to their battle line, every attack we send towards it is warded off or completely destroyed. As long as it’s still standing we can’t hope to win this battle decisively or without horrific losses. You’re the only formation left within 100 lights years that has the firepower to bring that thing down, so do whatever it takes, ram yourself down its throat if you have to, you’ll have the support of every ship and federation fleet around you. I wish I could say more but they’re hitting my part of the line with everything they have, good luck”
The connection cut and I grimaced.
The last of the dreadnoughts… that ship. A shiver went up my spine.
The Arxur dreadnoughts were the culmination of the Arxur’s Behemoth class vessels. Massive bricks covered in armor and guns with an engine at the end, that could, with an escort, singlehandedly destroy entire Federation fleets. Vessels that the artillery ships were created to counter.
Then the Arxur deployed their dreadnoughts as we pushed on to Wriss. A desperate last gamble to slow us down. They were larger, faster, with more weapons and armor than even the largest of their behemoths. It took 5 artillery ships to even have a chance of destroying a dreadnought. And the word, ‘Dreadnought’, it means ‘fear nothing’. Even as we pushed onwards towards their homeworld, they did not fear us. Even as we destroyed every world that held their taint they did not fear us… even now they do not fear us.
Thankfully there were only 10 in existence, the rest having been destroyed. 3 by the Kolashians… and 3 by the Venlil.
The destruction of Venlil Prime at the hands of their behemoths had taught us well and we had come to specialize in their destruction.
If anyone was suited to the task of destroying their last dreadnought, it was us.
My confidence restored, I opened a channel to my fleet.
“This is Admiral Slanek, to all of the members of the New Venlil Republic Navy present with us at this moment. Today… 400 years of pain and bloodshed will end. 400 years of pain and bloodshed the Arxur have visited upon us. Together with our fellow members of the Great Herd, we shall burn away the last of the Arxur as they make their final stand. Our part to play is simple, the last Arxur dreadnought batters our forces, and its our job to remove it. We shall destroy that demon ship and its escorts, opening up the way for our allies to destroy the last of the Arxur. This is the most important day and duty of our lives, so fight hard and fight well. FOR VENLIL PRIME, FOR THE GREAT HERD”
The Venlil across the fleet heard me, giving a brief cheer, “FOR VENLIL PRIME, FOR THE GREAT HERD” before they returned to their duties.
All at once, the engines of 250 ships lit up, pushing us forward towards our hated fore with the Gojid fleet parting, allowing for us to slot ourselves into their battle line.
Whilst distant, if I zoomed in on the feed being provided to me by the many sensors present on this ship I could see them silhouetted against the bright red dwarf that made up most of this star systems mass. The Arxur, with their black, angular ships which had burned themselves into the consciousness of every member of the Federation. The Arxur ships present here was all they had left and what a meagre amount. 400 ships total.
But in the center of their meagre formation was IT. That dammed dreadnought which had claimed over a thousand of our own ships over the last year. Bright white letters in the Arxur alphabet were painted on its side, the Liberator Isif.
Named after some Arxur chieftain. 800 meters of black angular metal with a dagger shaped prow and boxy middle section topped off by its engines and short stubby missile spewing wings. It was easily larger than any ship the Federation could produce, even the bulk super freighters that sustained the undamaged core. Well… undamaged until the raid in [2170] that destroyed the Farsul’s archives. In front of it was a field of debris made up of over 300 vessels at least, the graves of ships this beast had felled, amongst them 8 other artillery ships. Its armament had done that. Its hull was dotted with massive amounts of kinetics and plasma railguns, enough to wipe out dozens of vessels in a single volley and its missile spewing wings could finish off any stragglers with a massive barrage of 100 missiles.
By comparison, the artillery ships of the Federation, including my flagship, were tooth picks. 500 meters long and rather thin by comparison to the hunk of metal that was the Liberator Isif. Our only armament was the 2 plasma beam cannons that ran the ships length. All three were needed to burn through a behemoth shields and then their armor, destroying the ship in one shot… most of the time. A perfect match against an Arxur behemoth. Against a dreadnought with its stronger shields, thicker armor and dagger shaped prow which could deflect most of a plasma beams energy at the right angle, it was near impossible to destroy a behemoth from the front with anything less than 5 artillery ships. Thankfully with the few artillery ships the Gojid had left and the 5 that belonged to my fleet I had enough firepower to take that dreadnought head on. And one of them was my flagship. The Tavra.
Whereas the Arxur flagship was named after some random Arxur chieftain they seemed to revere for some reason, the Tavra was named after a true hero who still lived on through her. 5 behemoths, and a dreadnought she has claimed for the Federation, for the Venlil. Now its time to add another kill to that list.
The dreadnought was preoccupied tearing apart another push from a federation fleet when we moved into position.
Almost immediately it broke off its savage attack, letting a wave of Arxur reserves move up to destroy what was left, letting the dreadnought go after the bigger threat, namely the 8 artillery ships that had just pulled up.
Arxur behemoths and dreadnoughts sacrificed range for sheer, raw firepower, as a result it would have to come to us, or we could just sit back and pour fire onto it once we moved a little closer. Whichever abomination was in command of the Liberator Isif knew this since they immediately began a burning towards us, with 60 escorts in tow. All at once, roared across every channel by the Arxur ships was a bestial warcry “FOR WRISS!” then at once, the entirety of the Arxur’s battle line charged ahead. Their bloodlust had finally caught up with them it seems.
“Have all of our plasma beam cannons begin charging now! and move our escorts forward and give us a screen.” An audible hum drowned out the ambience of distant machinery as the Tavra began to charge its main weapons. For the next 2 minutes we would be helpless as all of our reactors power went into the capacitor banks that seemed to fill every nook, crevice and seam inside the Tavra. Thankfully the dreadnought will take 3 to reach us. Once we hit it, if we don’t outright destroy it, then the shields will at least be drained to the point that our escorts can finish it off.
It was a suicide run, but it was their only option unless they wanted to die without being able to fight back. Dammed predator insanity.
For the next minute we tensely waited, as our capacitors charged and our firing solutions were calculated. Ammo was loaded and final checks made.
I gripped the handrail in front of me firmly… waiting for the last few seconds to tick down… waiting to give the order.
If we missed… we were in for a world of hurt.
3…2…1…0
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Yes i did leave you on a cliff hanger... deal with it \_/ (*_*) \_/ *shrugs*

I tried thinking about it in many different ways, but I feel hopeless.

1:

Whenever I used to complain about things, I've always kept reminding myself that there's always worse, that some people weren't blessed with the same things as I do and that I should be grateful. I simply cannot say that even though I am trully grateful to my parents for making such commodities available to me we are sadly stuck in a country in which the wages make it feel to me that I'd have to work 30 years from now in order to feel comfortable about myself/affording the buy myself my own (modest)apartment and thats after finishing college and being an " engineer ", it simply feels like my parents worked hard and invested for me to have a better life and that better life cannot offer me at least something close to what they have been giving me(in order for me to also give to my future children) And what's simply worse is that I tried working and I simply had such a bad experience working for sorts of a big company just because my boss would never at least say something nice when I'd finish something that no one else wanted to do. Right now I am just sitting at home, living with my parents feeling like shit and I've not giving up just because of my mother.

2:

My love life is a mess, I've been alone the past 6 years, long story short I've been depressed after being dumped with no explanation even though I've applied everything I learned from past relationships and I've tried to prioritase communication over everything else since I feel like that can solve everything between people. Doing the after math I simply felt like no one would ever be able to grasp my personality nor I'll ever be able to find someone who would care enough about me to put the effort in watching me to point out my mistakes and be there to keep me on the right path to surpass them. (yea I tried dating other people and they always left me with the idea that I am creepy or that I am acting way to serious but idk I was just trying my best to make sure that everything is alright but sadly thats not the way it works. I'm at a point where I simply respect the idea of women so much that I don't bother anymore to try to talk to them and they simply never have reached out to me either in all those years).

3:

I feel excluded from my group of friends, or I should say that I sorts of expected them to take my side sometimes in front of other useless people that don't care about them the same way that I do(if that makes sense). That and the fact that most of them are having a partner someone they love and sadly I am mature enough to be understanding, not get upset, offer them space and accept my place in their life.

4:

I simply came to the conclusion that wealth is made on being good at marketing in order to cash in on people who are either desperate to provide for their families (coming from other countries working minimum wages) or legit folling people to buy things off you that you get cheap and sell them 3x. It might sound stupid considering the topic, but how on earth is it okay that we let people amass such otherworldly money like how on earth are laws still applicable to them, like go tell anyone with over 10b that visits a poor country that he cannot do something.

5:

for how long we'll keep turning a blind eye to the fact we are thought how to become workers who pay 40-60%tax on income while anyone who's rich pays 1-3%, like I am trying to start something on my own and my family simply feels insulted by my ambition to break the chain of making money for someone else. idk the list could go on forever, I simply wish I was dumb and not care about those things. i wish people would understand and the world would be better place but sadly it feels to late for people to wake up.

Greetings, Reddit community!
I am a 17-year-old high school student from Canada, and ever since I was 15, I have been certain about my desire to become an entrepreneur. The driving force behind my passion is the exhilarating experience of tackling problems head-on and dedicating my thoughts solely to finding solutions. I have ADHD, and although I find it challenging to focus on uninteresting tasks, I enter a state of intense concentration when I'm engaged in something that captivates me. It's a deeply satisfying feeling.
It didn't take long for me to realize that entrepreneurship was my calling. At the age of 16, I also recognized a pattern in a country's growth and development. Typically, there are periods of conflict and numerous challenges before the nation gradually enters a more stable and progressive phase, resulting in exponential growth across various sectors. However, I felt discontented living in a highly competitive country where there were limited opportunities for creating something new, unlike countries that hadn't experienced rapid growth.
This led me to contemplate what I could do differently, and I had a realization. Since my parents and I are immigrants from Africa (I arrived at such a young age that I don't even remember my birth country), I became aware that although my original country is relatively stable now with no war, it still faces problems such as hunger, electricity shortages, and supply-demand imbalances. Additionally, I have an uncle who holds a significant position within the government.
With these considerations in mind, I thought to myself, "Why not leverage my circumstances to generate profit?" I know that my father owns extensive plots of land, some of which are being developed into farms while others remain vast, empty spaces. Moreover, the cost of constructing houses or buildings in my birth country is substantially different from that in Canada.
This sparked the following ideas:

1. As soon as I can manage it, I intend to work tirelessly for around 12 hours a day, taking on jobs like Ubering, DoorDashing, and remote work opportunities (given my language skills in English, Arabic, Turkish, and some Mandarin). By pushing myself to the limit and maximizing my earning potential, I believe I can generate a minimum annual income of $60,000. With that capital, I plan to construct a hotel or luxury homes within an affordable range. Furthermore, I intend to have a conversation with my uncle, exploring ways to operate more freely instead of being viewed solely as a foreign investor or an average citizen.
   
2. Simultaneously, I aim to save money diligently and pursue a degree in electrical engineering, mastering the subject thoroughly. My goal is to establish a solar energy company that addresses the growing demand for electricity.
   
3. My father possesses at least four plots of land spanning 10km to 15km, which he intended to convert into farms but hasn't taken action due to a lack of knowledge and motivation. These lands are exceptionally fertile. One of them is situated in an area where a city is currently under construction. I have the opportunity to purchase it from my father at a reasonable price and develop a farm for sale or export. Additionally, I could use another piece of land to construct apartment buildings within the same city. I'm also aware of Sudanese refugees and other individuals seeking homes in the area due to its convenience. Given that the region is predominantly occupied by my clan (which falls within a larger tribe), many clan members own land but lack the means to initiate projects. Consequently, numerous individuals are open to selling their land, providing me with potential investment opportunities.
   
4. I'm open to suggestions and ideas. What other avenues could I explore to maximize my entrepreneurial endeavors ?
   

I dont want to precise which country in africa it is but its somewhere between east , north and west africa. Its not congo or some other popular country

I'm a 16-year-old girl dating a 17-year-old boy for the past three months, primarily over distance. We've dated before, but unlike this time, we weren't truly committed because he didn't want a long-distance relationship. We’ve known each other since we were 12 years old, but I moved away to another city. Although the two weeks we spent together were mostly enjoyable, he didn't get along with my family, who were only tolerating him. The majority of the time I feel fantastic with him, we can have real conversations and he compliments me. However he doesn't have much going for him. He is a dropout without a job, a car, a licence, or any other means of support. He also spends most of his free time smoking 🍃. Which I don’t mind since I do it as well sometimes. But it bothers me when it gets in the way of your everyday life and priorities. I'm just not sure if that's what I want for my future. He used to say things like "she's pretty" when he spotted a girl he thought was attractive, never directly to their faces though. He stopped after I addressed that I was uncomfortable with it. Yes, you can still be attracted to someone when in a relationship, but you should keep it to yourself because I feel like it’s a sign of disrespect. We don't really talk all that much when we're apart. I feel pressure from my friends and family who tell me I can do better. I'm not sure what to do because, for a long time, he was the only person I ever really wanted, but it seems that has changed now. I sometimes wonder if I should break up with him in the mornings, but by the afternoon I'm fine. It's very strange. Even though most of our relationships emotional and romantic aspects are great, I don’t know if it’s worth sticking it out because of the other factors.

So bear with me, I've never been to Universal and I'm planning for a family of four that includes a kid. I'm 21 and have only planned beach trips and Disney trips.
I tried asking this question in the appropriate forum but the comments section was disabled so I'm here.
First, I'd like a rundown on how tickets work in general. I'm a little slow/anxious when reading instructions and I'm not sure I fully understand how they work. The tickets I purchased was apart of a bundle. It's the 3 day park to park plus two days free with early admission.
Second, I got two tickets for one day at Legoland. They're for an adult and a kid, but my name is on both of the tickets. Would I need to go with them to verify they didn't "steal" these tickets or can I put their names on them?
Thank you very much in advance and I apologize for my lack of intelligence on the matter, I promise these are genuine questions.

Today I turned 26. I spent the day working with a throbbing headache and doing the work of 3 people. I have been sad and nauseous for weeks, I think it may have to do with the fact that my wife and I havent eaten a proper meal in a long while. We are so broke that she's depending on her mom to send us money so we won't starve. This is my second day not eating. This is my 18th day wanting to hurt myself again. I'm so incredibly overwhelmed and no one seems to notice. I don't know if I'm good at hiding or if no one gives a shit, but it's really starting to take a toll. What usually makes me happy has had no effect. I get fucked up nightly and feel nothing. I slept 8 hours last night, which is the most I've slept in these two weeks, and I was still fucking exhausted at work. I asked to leave early and was guilted into staying. I came home and had no relief. Found that my wife had slept until 4p and hadn't even taken the dogs out to use the bathroom. Normally, I just deal with it and take them out, but today it just felt like too much. No food in the fridge, dogs have not been fed, the bed has not been made. I've been crying since I got home and it's making my wife upset. Not in the distress kind of way that you would expect a loved one to feel, but in angry way. She's annoyed with me. She asked me what I wanted to eat and I said I don't know; I haven't eaten a proper meal so at this point I have no appetite. She asked me what I wanted to do, I said nothing since we have no money. She asked when the Spiderman movie I wanted to see was coming out, which was upsetting to me because I've been telling her for weeks when it was happening and that it was all i wanted for my birthday. Again, we are completely broke. I told her we should hold off on the movie because I'd rather us have some food for the rest of the week than go to the movie when I can wait a couple days until payday and watch it then. Wanna guess what she did? She bought the tickets anyway. She bought the tickets for a showing at 10:30. This movie is 2 hours long and the movie theater about a half hour away. I have told her numerous times how tired I am. She retaliated by saying I go to bed late anyway so why is today different. And I told her. It is because we most likely won't be home until 1 am and I have to be up at 6. She got mad and interrupted me. She complained that she had just wasted her money because even though she got a refund, she was charged the convenience fee for pre purchasing the tickets. I am dumbfounded. She yelled at me and told me to just go to bed then. It was only 8pm. Here I am, 40 minutes later, still crying, alone in my closet. Im so tired. I'm so overwhelmed and exhausted but I don't have a choice but to keep going. I need a break from absolutely everything in my life but I can't make any of it go away. I'm stuck overworking myself at a job where I'm taken advantage of and overextending myself daily. I am married to a woman who expects me to take care of her when I get home. Two dogs that are not paid attention to unless I'm home. Rent, bills, and other expenses that need to be paid. I don't even have gas in the tank at the moment. My wife hasn't worked in 2 months. Yes, she occasionally cleans our apartment, but about 80% of the time she does not even get out of bed until well after 4 pm. What do I do now? I'm too stuck to go anywhere and have no room or time to rest. I feel so fucked by life and the worst part is I have no one on my corner. I just need some peace.

(sorry this was long and i'm not the best story teller, i might have missed some details or stories but i had to let it out, idk if this is the right place to post it but ik musicians might understand)
I have been seriously making music for about 8 years now, i started writing and rapping over ten years ago when i was younger but it didn’t become a serious passion until around 2016. Ever since then i have been making music pretty much everyday, singing, rapping, producing, composing, beatmaking, engineering, ghostwriting of all genres i could touch, along with other arts like photography, music videos, etc. my city is small and we never really had a music scene except for me and the handful of people i went to high school with who made music with me. Over the years we have all made music and watched each other evolve and mature in our songmaking abilities. Most of us have never really got a lot of views or big fanbases, we just make music because that’s all we know what to do with our lives.
The beginning of this year the handful of us artists were brought together by an older artist, let’s call him the manager and we formed what was supposed to be a “supergroup” together. He had his own group back in the day, some of who were involved with this new group. Basically old heads working with us younger artists. Working with the manager we got access to a location on his property and built a studio, and we would meet up there and record songs and shoot the shit. we started booking shows and doing a lot of practicing for live performances. It was going pretty good for the first couple months. Our music scene in my city started expanding quickly, venues started popping up and now we have a thriving music scene with musicians from all over of many different genres. It's kinda weird because out of town artists are getting more love in our city then us artists who have been getting no love for all these years but what can you do.
Then the manager started putting pressure on us and wanted us to make certain styles of music, cover songs, wouldn’t listen to our ideas that we had for the group such as what the name would be, our image, our sound, it was either his way or the highway. The group morale started declining, us artists were not liking how things were turning out but we kept it to ourselves and tried to stick it out. He was way too focused on blowing us up and being the biggest artists when all we wanted to do was make good music but manager didn’t really care about the quality of the music, he just wanted us to rush out songs. Now although i do make a lot of songs of different styles fairly quickly, i don’t like forcing songs if i don’t feel the energy, it has to mean something to me. And i’m also the one who would record and mix all of these songs and have to gather the artists in the studio which was hard to get everyone on schedule.
Then what would be the final show. A month before this show me and the manager had a huge creative disagreement about advertisement for the show, i felt it was low quality, non professional, and that i could create something more professional, most of the group agreed. But then the manager got mad and basically said it was cool working with us, canceled our group album and pretty much stopped talking to me. The show came, barely anybody showed up, our group put on great performances, me and the manager were cordial but didn’t really speak.
It’s been about a month since then, the entire group has fell apart. A couple of the artists *my good friends) moved away, another has lost passion to make music and is focusing on work life, and the manager tried to get one of the artists to join his group. He has been trying to recruit for his group on social media and takes subliminal shots at me like “we’re looking for artists for the drive to go to the top”.
It was an interesting adventure those last 6 months. I never thought i would ever actually step foot on stage, i thought i was always just going to be in my bedroom making music. But after all of that stress that i went through with the group and dealing with the manager i feel like i lost my passion in making music. I don’t know what do next. I have put out album after album over the last few years, getting barely any views or support, i’m sitting on over 600 unreleased songs from the last couple years. Honestly i just wanna quit music it’s not really fun for me anymore but there’s nothing else for me to do, music is my identity. And working with manager has made me not what to do it anymore. I don’t really want to do live performances, i don’t have stage fright, the exact opposite, i just don’t really enjoy it.
So now i'm at a crossroads and trying to figure out where to take my music career. I've been doing it so long with pretty much no success to show for it and i feel like i will never truly get my flowers. Everyone says they support me, that they will come to my shows, but then they don't show up, they don't listen to new songs when i release. i just feel like i'm putting in all of this effort for nothing.

Long story short: I live a shit life, and it only gets more shit as time goes on. I had a dream today where I had the exact life I wanted and was the women I wished I was, but then I woke up and was brought back to this nightmare.
Now the long version.
I was raised in a mentally and emotionally abusive household. My father is a drunk narcissist who is hateful to every minority imaginable, and my mother is a peacekeeper, which meant she did everything to appease him to 'keep the Peace's despite his decades of drunken tirades and hateful manipulative tactics to try and make us believe we were the problem. He's get drunk, cause a nightmare in the house and then go straight for the DARVO the next day.
But the worst part was I ended up repressing my feelings about my self for fear of what would happen if he knew about me.
I tried for so long to deny what I was feeling, to keep it inside. But it ate at me.so not only did I have to suffer abuse from my father, but I was being destroyed internally as well from being unable to do anything about my gender identity. Seeing my face in the mirror caused me such stress I hated seeing it.
A little over a year ago I finally moved out on my own, and shortly thereafter began HRT. I'm 10 months on hormones and they arnt doing anything. My appearance is exactly the same.
I love alone, I never see the few friends I had before I moved out on my own, and I can't work do to my fucked mental health (believe me, I tried )
My savings are drying up fast, and I don't know what I will do when they are gone. I know I won't survive on the street. I'm barely surviving with my apartment.
Today I had a nap, because I was exhausted.
As I slept I dreamt that I was a woman, fully transitioned and 100% Cispassing. In the dream I met another woman and fell in love. We became a couple. I moved in with her and became a step mom to her four kids.
It was everything I could have wanted.
But then I woke up. I woke up and it was all taken away from me. I was back in this lonly apartment, back in this fat, hairy, male body, back in this shit life and I don't want this anymore.
I just wish I could fall back asleep and live in that dream again and never wake up. I want to be a woman, I want to be loved, I want to have a life worth living.
Instead I'm AMAB, alone, and my life is so terrible I genuinely want to die.

It was probably the worst location they could have picked. Easily visible from this hill across the river. Just another aspect of how Dutch’s mind is falling apart.

TLDR; (25M) My GF (24F) has been sleeping with her neighbor (36M) and I am spiraling out of control.
After months of being called psycho, crazy, controlling, paranoid, etc I finally caught my girlfriend cheating on me 2 night ago.
I drove over to her house and as I was pulling up she was stepping out of the neighbors house. The neighbor (Luigi, 36M) comes outside and explains to me that he was told by my GF (Elizabeth, 24F) that we were broken up and had been for a long time. My now ex girlfriend then comes outside and starts telling me its not cheating because we have been over for a while and yada yada. I guess she forgot to tell me…..
I am thoroughly disgusted for a few reasons:

1. It’s now evident that she had sex with him and me on the same night, several nights a week, for over a year straight. She would fuck him and then come over and kiss me on the mouth and cuddle in my bed. FOR. OVER. A. YEAR. STRAIGHT The age difference is also extremely disgusting to me. 2. This woman truly was the love of my life. I lived and breathed the sustenance from this woman. If she was here I was warm. If she was gone I was cold. I viewed her as THE most decedent Goddess ever to grace the earth. And I made sure to treat her like it every single day. She would constantly thank me for treating her so well. I can’t wrap my mind around how she could knowingly hurt me so deeply. I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that another man was defiling my Goddess each and every night, while I was being made a fool. 3. I’m just plain embarrassed. Whenever I would hear stories of people cheating, I would shudder. I had always viewed getting cheated on as a terminal disease, impossible to ever rid yourself from. I know understand that I was right. Everybody looks at you like all you are is the guy who’s bitch got fucked. 4. She could not have possibly loved me. She KNEW what kind of irreversible damage this would have on my psyche. She is an incredibly smart person. She weighed the pros and the cons and came to the conclusion that enjoying another man’s penis was worth the damage it would cause me for the rest of my life. She could not have possibly loved me. 5. She was the only person I had in my life. I have no deep connections with my family, I have no close friendships. I have no social clubs or internet groups. I do not even feel legitimate love for any other single person on the planet except for her. All I want to do is run to her and feel her warmth and tell her how badly I’ve been mangled! But she is the one who caused it….. The loneliness I am experiencing literally has manifested itself as a permanent weight on my chest. I am actually going insane. 6. I haven’t heard from her since I busted them. She hasn’t reached out even once to explain herself or offer any clarity, or to say sorry, or even to say goodbye. One day I was head over heals in love, and the next day I am in the pits of hell. The whiplash is insane. I just want her to talk to me… 

When I walk past the mirror, or catch a reflection of myself on my phone screen, I absolutely fall apart. When I scroll thru my camera roll and see my girlfriend I begin to sob like a baby. How could that perfect face be so cruel? I can’t bring myself to delete any of her pictures because it feels like I’m killing her. It’s like I’m killing that moment that was preserved on camera and ill never get it back. This is made even more significant by the fact that I don’t think she will ever reach out to me again. I will never see her again. The final time I ever got to see the love of my life, she was in another mans oversized sweater, running into his house. The image is forever seared into my brain. The day prior to this we were laughing and cuddling and having sex like everything was fine. THE WHIPLASH IS INSANE.
I do not know where to go from here. I can accept that she’s gone but It’s so hard because I don’t have a shoulder to cry on. All I want to do is fall into a woman’s warm chest and cry my heart out. My pillow will have to suffice.
This post only begins to scratch the surface of all the different dimensions of pain I am feeling. I have no clue what my next steps will be because I truly feel dead inside. I truly wish I could go to sleep tonight and not wake up.
Thank you for reading, it makes me feel better that someone knows how deeply I’m suffering. Please guys, show me some love or recommend me a group I can talk to about this or something.

After 35 years of marriage my wife passed away quietly in her sleep one night. I have since remarried and though we are extremely happy together, I suffer from chronic insomnia. Often my new wife has asked me what she can do to help my insomnia, sadly, there is nothing that can be done, for there is still one secret I have not shared.
Many years ago while serving in the military, an exciting opportunity presented itself, I could spend a year in an Antarctic research station. The position was very remote, and would require almost a year of isolation from my family. The position was completely voluntary, but included an absolutely insane hazardous duty pay rate, more than double my normal salary.
As a young man, tripling my annual income was impossible to refuse. Above top secret clearance was required, and the process took almost six months to complete with checks and investigations that were absolutely mind-boggling to my young self.
Finally, the day came and I shipped out, excited at the prospect of visiting a new continent, however somewhat melancholy at the prospect of leaving my family for almost a year.
On my arrival at McMurdo station in Antarctica I was shuffled into a briefing room with a few other new arrivals. There we learned that our destination was hundreds of miles deeper into the Antarctic wilderness. A frozen wasteland where temperatures never rise above freezing and even short-term exposure of unprotected skin could result in devastating frostbite.
Finally after several days of briefings and preparation we all boarded a Snow Cat type vehicle for the ride to our duty station.
Upon arriving we were assigned to our duties and our quarters and got to work. But it soon became apparent to me as well as the other new arrivals, the work made no sense. At first we simply seemed to be monitoring temperatures and seismic activity. We had to log every microscopic trimmer every minor fluctuation in temperature every environmental change, no matter how small or insignificant. This data was dutifully logged daily, and transmitted by satellite to a mysterious head office, of which, even today, I do not know the location.
That's all we did, they were no scientific experiments, searching for medical breakthroughs, no geophysical experiments, nothing that seemed to be of any consequence. We seemed to be there to do one thing and one thing only, watch for something to change. But as for why we were actually watching for we were not told, at least not at first.
For weeks on end, day and night, 24-hour darkness in the winter, 24-hour daylight in the summer, we sat there and did nothing but log incredibly minute environmental changes.
It was an easy job, if somewhat boring. And though we worked a standard three shift rotation, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, off duty our time was our own, and there were plenty of recreational activities and diversions for us to enjoy, a game room, a heated pool, a well-stocked library, and everyone had a personal TV with satellite, a rarity in those days. And we were free to pursue any other leisure activities off duty, at least within the confines of the nearly sealed facility deep in the Antarctic.
But something was amiss; something was horribly out of place there. My first indication that this was not your typical or Antarctic research station was the armory. Yes an armory, but not just any armory, this armory was stocked with enough firepower and weapons to overthrow a medium-sized country. Automatic rifles, machine guns, handguns, explosives, rocket launchers, flamethrowers, almost any device of destruction you can conceive of was stored in an armory that was more than twice the size of the actual so-called research station.
About 6 months into my tour something happened, at first it seemed so insignificant, nothing more than a small earth or ice quake. It was minor, almost unnoticeable, but the ground trembled slightly for almost thirty minutes. But it was during those thirty minutes that something became stunningly clear. Something that strained the very minds of us newcomers; There was something under the ice, something alive, but sleeping. The faces of the long time denizens of that frozen wasteland betrayed their fear. Whatever was under the ice, it was something old, something huge, something hideous, and something so evil that it is beyond the words of mortal men to describe.
But what was even more terrifying than the sudden knowledge that there was something sleeping under the ice was the revelation of the fear this creature had injected into the hearts of all those who knew of existence. It was during those thirty minutes that I learned that there is more to the armory than I knew, more than any of us newcomers had ever dreamed. In a panic, I was given a key and told to prepare for the Omega Directive.
At the back of the armory was a nondescript vault door. Any comments or even suggestions of its existence had been brashly brushed aside by facility management. Before that moment, as far as anyone was concerned it did not exist, there was no door there, the fact that we could see a door didn't matter, it did not exist.
It was during the thirty minutes of terror, that due to random chance I was on duty for, that I saw what was behind the door. Behind the door were nuclear weapons, several small atomic warheads and portable lunch systems. But even that is not the most terrifying thing I saw. For at the back of the room is a key station two keys mounted about twenty feet apart, positioned in such a way that it is impossible for one person to turn both keys at the same time, no matter how ingenious or determined they are.
Decades ago, Edward Teller, the father of the atomic bomb, conceived and designed what became known as the Gigaton Device. A thermonuclear weapon thousands if not millions of times more powerful than the bombs dropped during World War II, a device capable of detonation with unimaginable destructive force. It is well recorded that Edward Teller's Gigaton Device would be so destructive that it could, in a single detonation, wipe all of New England completely off the map and, in an instant, utterly devastate almost a quarter of the United States and kill nearly a third of its population, all with a single detonation.
For decades people have slept comfortably in their beds at night knowing that the leaders of the day realized what an absurd idea it would have been to actually build such a device. Thankfully, according to history, such a device was never built. Despite all their warmongering, all their sometimes insane behavior, even politicians had a limit, and no one was mad enough to build such a nightmarish weapon.
The two simple small keyholes in the vault at the secret station in Antarctica betrayed what lay on the other side of the wall. A Gigaton Device had been built, but this device was even more powerful than Edward Teller's wildest imagination. There, deep in the Antarctic, the Gigaton Device sits in silence, waiting, waiting for the day everyone hopes never comes, for if that day were to come and those two keys were inserted and turned, the explosion would, in all and likelihood, vaporize the entire continent of Antarctica. It is a nightmare scenario, millions of cubic miles of Antarctic ice turned into steam. An explosion so powerful, so mind numbingly devastating, as to possibly crack the very crust of the Earth itself. And there it sets, even until this day, sitting there silently waiting for the day, that one horrible day that those that know of its existence hopes never comes.
But why? What nightmarish Lovecraftian abominations sleeps below the ice? What nightmare lays in respite under miles of frozen wasteland? I was never privy to the answer. But what I do know is that there is something down there, something nightmarish, something so utterly terrifying to the hearts and mind of man that humanity has created a weapon, just in case. A weapon that they hope will never be used, but a a weapon they hope would kill whatever it is sleeping below the ice, And a weapon so powerful, that if it were to ever be used, would devastate not only Antarctica, but the entire world. The aftermath of such a detonation would flood coastal cities around the world, with sea levels rising many meters literally overnight. A weapon so powerful that it is entirely conceivable that the possibility exists of it shattering the Earth's crust itself, so that the mantle could spill forth from within, a weapon so powerful that it would cast enough debris into the atmosphere as to generate a decades long nuclear winter, possibly ending civilization as we know it.
So now, decades later, I lay awake at night, wondering about those young men and women that, even now, are at that remote research station in Antarctica, watching, counting the days, and hoping that the beast never awakens.

I (22M) live in a photogenic, good ol' western American suburb, still rocking my childhood bedroom in my parents' house (thanks rent prices). Growing up, I never needed to worry much about transport (or even thought about it at all, really), my elementary school is literally next to my subdivision, and any other place I visited regularly was either a 10 minute walk or 5 minute ride in my parents' cars; there was no inbetween. But, I'm not a kid anymore. I'm in my twenties. I have my own life (even if it doesn't feel like it), responsibilities and expectations. Problem is, I'm severely stunted by my stubborn, infuriating inability to operate a car. I started feeling it a little bit before I got my permit, but I chalked it up to just me being nervous. When I actually started driving, though, I never shook it, never "got used to it," never felt the godawful stress symptoms or negative opinions on it fade in any way. They only got worse and worse and now they're crippling, despite my effort and hours upon hours of forcing myself to do it.
I got my license out of pure spite and luck, and sometimes I seriously consider giving it up and just having a state issued ID so there's no expectation of me to drive. But I shut those thoughts down because I wouldn't be able to completely escape the horrible feelings anyway. In the years since, my intrusive thoughts and nauseating anxiety has bled into simply riding in a car in general, so having the ability to legally drive in an emergency situation would be nice, I guess.
It's difficult to describe how I feel when driving in a way that makes perfect sense to other people because my anxiety (fear? phobia?) is inherently irrational, and that makes it all the worse because the non caveman part of my brain recognizes that. So I guess I'll just ramble and push enter a couple of times when I'm done and maybe it'll make sense. I need to try and justify myself in a medium where I can think about what I'm saying so I don't sound absolutely insane and completely embarrass myself like I've done before.
Cars feel too big. I could be driving the smallest little Beetle or Mini, and the thing would still feel as big as a fucking continent. Even imagining driving one of those huge fuck off death machines called a pickup truck sends me into a spiral. The wheel being off center makes me feel like there's this, like, mass that's stuck to my side and I'm afraid I'm gonna smash into something whenever I turn right. You know that vertigo effect they do in movies? Where they move the camera backwards and zoom in at the same time when looking down a long hallway? That's similar to what it feels like looking across the hood of a car from the driver's seat to me. Like, the hood is so fucking long and it could be hiding anything behind it even though I know it isn't. I guess it makes me look at the road at least. Not to mention backing up, Jesus Christ backing up is a nightmare. Thank god for back up cameras.
Going at any decent speed makes me feel sick. Thinking about how fast I'm going on the highway, especially since I've been outside of a car on it and have seen and felt just how fucking fast a car going 60-80 mph is is insane to me. It feels so wrong. My gut feeling is that I should not have the ability to move something this stupidly big weighing literal tons this fast. I cannot fathom the idea of purposefully going over 100 mph in a car. That feels unreal to me. I genuinely don't think I could make myself do that. I get intrusive thoughts of unwittingly slamming into a median or someone materializing in front of me all the time. Imagining the aftermath of those scenarios make me want to puke. Obviously I try not to do that, but sometimes your mind wanders towards it anyway.
There's also just the general symptoms of anxiety and panic I feel when shit gets really stressful (i.e. the highway or traffic jams). My heart beats a million miles an hour, I sweat like a pig and hyperventilate, the works. I've gotten very good at grounding myself and focusing when it gets bad but fuck me it is always an awful experience.
I guess my brain chemistry is just not built for driving. At least I have a robust, efficient and affordable public transportation network in my city, right? No. This is America, baby! Of course, there's no other transport options near my home. The nearest bus stop is a convenient two hour walk away and the bus routes are shit! :) There is a train station somewhat nearby, but guess what? The route is shit and goes nowhere near where I need or want to go and in other cities no less! :) Biking around the stroads here is a fucking deathwish! There's also no bike lane or even a fucking sidewalk on 90% of the roads here! :) So essentially, I'm fucking landlocked. We bulldozed our cities for these dangerous, obnoxious, expensive machines and that is existentially infuriating.
My life has been completely fucked by this stupid, stupid thing I have. I can't get a job that's even a decent distance away, so I'm stuck doing gig work online and odd jobs around the neighborhood for money (and seasonal work for events that set up near my home). Shocker, it isn't much. I save what I can, but I am very poor because I insist on paying my own way for the things I use. I cannot afford a car and I don't even want one in the first place, but I kinda need one. Hey, at least I'm known as the neighborhood handy man? My parents both work jobs where they can be potentially called in at any time, so I need to schedule car use with them and I need to complete trips fast. My parents are very sweet and understanding and I love them to death, but I hate myself every time I need to go somewhere with one of their cars. Not only does it feel like I'm potentially jeopardizing their livelihoods if I get held up for any reason, but with my rambling you read above, it also feels like I'm signing up to get shot in the gut.
My dating life has been nonexistent since high school. I'm sure it makes a great first impression on someone when you can't go out to see them or if you ask them for a ride to the coffeeshop! :)
My group of close friends, god bless their souls, are also 100% understanding of my situation and have been so sweet by offering me rides to their apartment they share to hang out on the weekends. They're like siblings to me (we've all known each other since elementary school) but, again, it feels so wrong to have to rely on them to go places.
It is viscerally embarrassing when I ask them to go somewhere or to slow down on a back road because I feel gross, so I rarely do.
Honestly, I don't know what to do. I have no clue how to approach or start getting over this outside of just driving. But I think it's fairly obvious that I shouldn't be doing it just to do it. I feel like an insufferable leech and I wish I could just make myself go places. I'm not spending $50 on an Uber to the fucking grocery store. Any advice is very welcome because I'm getting really tired of feeling like a child in an adult man's body. I genuinely want to get better and start my life way after I should've. I want to stop telling my friends, "I'm okay," when I'm clearly not. But I'm very happy to have finally said this out loud to someone in a way I wanted. Thank you. God bless the suburbs.

I’m a mom of 3. Two kids and one helpless toddler husband. He works a full time job, I run a business and do absolutely everything at home too. We’ve been married 20+ years and I’m at the point that I’d rather stab myself in the eye with a dull spoon than hang around for another 20.
Today he yelled at me on the phone when he couldn’t get his card to work at the gas station. How in the hell is that my fault and what the $&@* should I do about it? So I gave him “attitude” and now he’s pouting like a 2 year old.
Gah I need a year long vacation on a beach somewhere sipping margaritas…..
Thanks for letting me vent.

as the title says I’m looking for creative detailed and literate partners to pick each others brains apart and create a spicy and awesome amazing plot. I do well with OCs and GM as well but I’m no stranger to side characters. I do personally prefer more fantasy type genres but if that’s not your speed no worries.
I typically only play female characters but I’m not afraid to play a man. I’ve been rolpleauing for as long as I can remember so please hit me up.!

WATCH THE SEASON HERE
Past Seasons:

S01 Polynesia
S02 Indonesia
S03 Canary Islands
S04 Antigua
S05 Tasmania
S06 All-Stars
S07 Santorini
S08 Maldives
S09 Sardinia

Past Winners: S01 Lesley Martin, S02 Chris Garcia, S03 Lu Carmona, S04 Izel Xiu, S05 Raj Milano, S06 Sylvie Vesterguard, S07 Ernie Maltisanti, S08 Louie Moreno
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For the newest season of Survivor, 20 castaways separated by age and gender have embarked on a 39-day adventure where they will be forced to lie, cheat, and backstab each other on their way to the title of Sole Survivor. Who will leave their mark on the game, and who will join the ever-growing list of Sole Survivors? 39 days, 20 people, and 1 Sole Survivor!!!
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Sardus Tribe (wearing Yellow)
Austin Perez: 25, Beach lifeguard u/Twig7665
Carter Whitworth: 23, College Student u/JTsidol
Charya Khong: 19, Musician u/Unite-Us-3403
Liam McCurrah: 24, Animation Student u/SilverOwl24
Tommy Yamashita: 29, Food Truck Chef u/FrieNads
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Corsica Tribe (wearing Peach)
Giselle Jimenez: 20, Model u/angiewantscookies
Kelly Wilson: 20, Student u/JTsidol
Lillith Sanchez: 24, Game dev/survivalist u/Twig7665
Rosanna Pierce(Ro): 23, Dance Instructor u/ripecornball60
Sienna Marinelli: 23, Dietitian u/dksurvivor
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Nurra Tribe (wearing Purple)
Anais Haddad: 42, Secretary u/dksurvivor
Esmerelda Rackhelm(Ezzie): 46, Stripper u/Swoldow
Ida Cohen: 40, Flight Attendant/ Air Force Veteran u/SilverOwl24
Nari Higashikata: 45, Librarian u/somewell
Yhondra Willions: 45, bodybuilder u/asiansurvivorfan
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Gallura Tribe (wearing Blue)
Abdul Bobi: 45, Taxi Driver u/asiansurvivorfan
Bob Hillen: 57, Marine Biologist u/FrieNads
Clint Moonshine: 46, club owneretired actor u/swoldow
Harold Baskins(Harry): 61, Restaurant Owner u/ripecornball60
Lance Vance: 68, retired rock star u/Guetguet1993
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Summary:
20th: In the first immunity challenge Gallura tribe loses and sends Kelly to Exile Island where the promise of an advantage that could change the game lurked around every corner. At the Gallura tribal council, everyone agreed that Abdul Bobi was the weakest link, and voted him out unanimously.
19th: Gallura finished last once again at the immunity challenge and chose to send Austin to Exile Island. At tribal, everyone decided again to vote out their next biggest perceived liability. Unfortunately, that was Harry Baskins and he became the next boot.
18th: A twist resulted in the four tribes dissolving down to two. The new Sardus tribe resulted in three OG Sardus; Austin, Whitworth, and Charya three OG Nurra; Ezzie, Nari, and Yhondra 2 OG Corsica; Gigi and Kelly and one OG Gallura; Lance. On the new Gallura tribe are the OG Gallura; Clint and Bob two OG Nurra; Ida and Anais two OG Sardus; Tommy and Liam and three Corsica; Lilith, Sienna and Ro. The new Sardus tribe won immunity and elected to send Ro to exile island where she will be immune from the first tribal council. At Gallura tribal council even though there were 4 pairs of 2 from each original tribe, everyone was in agreement that Tommy Yamashita was a big liability in the game and would also weaken the young male tribe. Tommy Yamashita was voted out unanimously.
17th: At the reward challenge, Sardus tribe won and sent Anais to exile island. While on exile island, she found the hidden immunity idol! This immunity idol can be played after the votes are read. At the immunity challenge, Sardus won again, and Gallura was forced to go to yet another tribal council. At tribal council, everyone saw how big of a threat the three Corsica girls were. Sienna and Ro brought Anais into their alliance, and the power looked like it was about to shift. Lillith realized she was 4th in the alliance and flipped over to the other side of the tribe. Sienna was frustrated that Lillith would flip that easily and argued the tribe should just vote her out as she couldn’t be trusted. On the other side Lillith argued that taking out a big threat in Sienna now was the perfect time before she gained too much power. In the end Sienna Marinelli was voted out 6-3.
16th:>! Gallura lost another immunity challenge and Anais and Ro were feeling the heat as tribal council approached. Anais and Ro still gunned for Lillith as she seemed the most likely person they could flip the vote onto. So they approached Clint and Bob from the older mens tribe to try and work together. While Clint seemed on board, Bob seemed less sure which lead to Clint getting noticeably upset while at camp. At tribal council the tribe started wondering if they could trust Clint to be a cool head and work with them, so in the end Clint Moonshine was voted out 4-3. Ro and Anais scraped by yet another vote, but were still precariously balanced.!<
15th: The twist in this episode was that both tribes would go to the tribal council. Sardus won immunity so they were up first. The two young girls Kelly and Gigi had formed a strong relationship with Whitworth and Charya which really worried Nari, Yhondra, and Ezzie. Lance was relentlessly pushing Charya as he viewed him as the biggest threat. At Tribal, The three older girls convinced Austin of the threat of the relationship forming between Gigi, Whitworth, Charya, and Kelly. Austin was unwilling to vote out one of his original tribe mates though, so he pitched Gigi. In the vote, it was a 4-4 split between Gigi and Yhondra with Lance being the tiebreaker having voted for Charya. In the end Lance viewed his relationship with Ezzie and Nari as stronger and voted with them to send Gigi Jimenez home.
14th: Sardus tribe kidnaps Liam to keep him safe from the tribal, leaving only Ro, Anais, Bob, Ida, and Lillith. Ro and Anais finally broke through to the tribe and kept their flames alive for yet another vote as the tribe unanimously voted to eliminate Lillith Sanchez.
13th:>! Sardus tribe finally won an immunity challenge sending Gallura to tribal council. Everyone on the tribe seemed committed to completely eliminating the showmance that started with Gigi by voting for Whitworth. This cemented itself when Austin, Charya, Lance, Kelly, and Yhondra formed a new majority alliance. Whitworth was voted out unanimously.!<
12th: At the next challenge an opportunity to mutiny over to the other tribe was presented to the two tribes. Charya and Ezzie from Sardus mutinied over to the Gallura tribe. Charya left to try and form more relationships with players and consolidate his power with his closest ally Liam. Ezzie left her previous tribe after accurately sensing she was on the outs, and wanted to survive as long as she could. Despite a stronger Gallura tribe after gaining two new tribemates they lost another immunity challenge. This time, Ro and Anais feeling no other way to survive realized that it was going to be one of them and their streak of luck had finally run out. At tribal council, the vote was 5-2 on Anais, but she played her immunity idol making Ro Pierce the 12th person voted out of the game. I was sad to see Ro go here. I was rooting for her and she managed to survive on the bottom for a good amount of time. I could see her time in Ceph’s Survivor not being done quite yet.
11th:>! Sardus Tribe lost the immunity challenge and received a message in the bottle to be opened after tribal council. Lance had slowly taken control of his tribe and manufactured relationships with everyone in the tribe. Austin saw this and was desperately trying to put pressure on Lance. However, Lance had approached Kelly and Austin and told them the plan was to vote for Nari. Austin didn’t believe him and tried to convince everyone to go for Lance. At tribal council, Lance, Nari, and Yhondra voted for Austin, while Austin had voted for Lance and Kelly for Nari. Austin Perez was voted out here, and I was honestly sad! He had a reasonably good position through pre-merge and could make some bigger moves in his limited time in the game. I could see him coming back in the right circumstances.!<
10th: After voting out Austin, the tribe was immediately told to vote out another tribemate. With no time for scrambling the majority, Lance, Yhondra, and Nari went for an easy vote and voted Kelly Wilson out 3-1. Kelly did well to become the last member of the Corsica tribe, but unfortunately, her game after the tribe swap was left in shambles. Her allies were put on the other tribe and quickly voted out. Kelly would have had a lot to work to do at the merge.
9th: Merge time! Three of the original tribes were represented headed into the merge. For the young men's tribe, Sardus had Charya Kong and Liam McCurrah. For the Older men's tribe, Gallura had Lance Vance and Bob Hillen. Finally, all five original Nurra Tribe members, Nari Higashikata, Yhondra Willions, Ida Cohen, Anais Haddad, and Ezzie Rackhelm, had made it to the merge. At the first immunity challenge, Ezzie won, guaranteeing herself a 1 in 8 shot at becoming the Sole Survivor. Lance had introduced a plan to his allies to vote out Anais. His reasoning was her story was getting better every day she managed to survive, and she had no allies which made her a big threat. Liam who had until this point had played a very quiet game. Liam linked up with other players who had played under-the-radar games and formed an alliance with Bob and Ida. His thought process was looking at the 5 original Nurra members as a huge potential threat so they needed to eliminate someone from that tribe while also weakening the opposing alliance. Ultimately, Bob, Ida, and Liam settled on Yhondra as a potential threat. Proving Liam’s fears to be true, Nari and Yhondra wanted to work with their original Nurra tribe members and vote out Bob. At the Tribal Council, the atmosphere was tense, and everyone was on edge knowing the vote could go either way. In the end, it was a 4-3-2 sending Yhondra Willions home as the first juror after the merge. Bob, Liam, and Ida had brought Anais in from the bottom and won the first battle at the merge.
8th: Ida wins the next immunity challenge giving her a 1 in 8 shot at winning the title of Sole Survivor. At camp after the challenge, everyone was looking at the newly minted alliance of Bob, Liam, Ida, and Anais in fear worrying that if they gave way for another vote, they would run away with control of the game. With this fear in mind, Lance, Nari, Charya, and Ezzie banded together in their own mini-alliance. Liam worked on Charya to remind him of the relationship they had formed and tried convincing him to work with him. Lance recognized Charya as a potential flip, and feeling the heat tried to reinforce their relationship together too. At tribal council both alliances seemed locked in with very little wiggle room. At the vote it was split 4-4 between Lance and Bob. After a little discussion Lance bargained with the other alliance saying whoever voted for Bob on the revote would not be a target the next time they went to tribal. Anais decided to trust Lance’s word and flipped on the revote making Bob Hillen the next eliminate in a 4-2 vote.
7th: Charya wins the next immunity challenge giving him a 1 in 7 shot of winning this game. At the next tribal, and true to his word, it seemed likely that Ida or Liam would be voted out. After bonding super closely with Lance, the target seemed set on Ida. Ida Cohen was voted out 5-2 with Nari not wanting to vote out a close ally and keeping her inside the game.
6th: Ezzie wins her second immunity challenge. At camp before tribal, Nari approached Liam and Ezzie to form an endgame alliance. Nari convinced them by pointing out how big of a threat level Lance was building. Liam agreed with Nari and agreed with the points, but was unwilling to move now. Everyone agreed that Charya had played a really good social game to this point, and needed to be voted out before going further in the game. Charya Khong was voted out 5-1.
Finale Summary!>! Five players remained in one of the most explosive seasons to date. Anais Haddad started the game on the bottom with no clear alliances. Since then she saved herself with an immunity idol and has survived countless votes where she could have been the target. Can Anais scrape past 2 more votes to make it to the end as the ultimate underdog? Liam McCurrah started off struggling in this game. With his friends mostly eliminated prior to the merge and on his own, Liam assembled a team of outcasts to make a huge move in the beginning of the merge. Since then, Liam has relied on his social game and his quick thinking to make it this far into the merge. Can Liam continue strategizing his way into final tribal council? Ezzie Rackhelm has been a dominant physical player in this game. Backing up her strategy, she has worked hand in hand with Lance as the strategic counterpart to his social game. Looking to distance herself from Lance she formed an alliance with Liam and Nari to go to the final 3 together, but has she done enough to separate her gameplay from Lance’s? Nari Higashikata has played a very under-the-radar strategic game. Surviving with her strategic gameplay, Nari has never really been in danger while keeping louder more boisterous players around to hide her game. Can Nari make the moves required to finish her game and win Sole Survivor? Lance Vance has handled this game with a masterful mix of social and strategic gameplay. Starting in a tenuous position in the pre-merge, since then Lance has formed multiple alliances that have helped him get to the end of the game. Can his social game get him to the final tribal? !<
5th: Ezzie wins her third straight immunity challenge giving her a 1 in 4 shot to win this game. Everyone agreed that one person had survived too many votes to risk taking them to the end. That person was Anais Haddad, and despite her efforts to flip it to Lance, her luck finally ran out, and she became the 16th person voted out of the game. I was sad to see Anais go here. She had a great run and found the first playable immunity idol. She was able to survive many votes I frankly thought impossible, and overall she was a fabulous player to have played this season. Definitely a game-changer.
4th: In the last twist of the season, at the immunity challenge it was announced that this season will feature the very first FINAL THREE. This meant that this was the last challenge before Final Tribal Council. Everyone gave it their all, but in the end Ezzie edged it out to win her fourth immunity and guaranteed herself a spot in the final tribal council. Lance, feeling the pressure, desperately appealed to Nari and Ezzie to hold true to their alliance and vote out Liam as a big threat in the game. While Ezzie seemed good with it, Nari was convinced she had a better shot against Liam then Lance in FTC. At the tribal council, the vote was tied 2-2 and then 1-1 against Lance and Liam. Both of them were forced to compete in a fire making challenge where the loser would be sent home. In the end Liam burned through his rope faster then Lance and made Lance Vance the 9th and final member of the jury. Lance was such a fun character to have throughout the season. Lance had a great social game similar to past legends like Bridge, Ernie, and maybe even Izel. I was definitely rooting for him throughout the season and was sad to see him go.
Final Tribal speeches: Ezzie, Nari, and Liam made it to the final tribal council where they addressed the jury and tried to give examples of the games they had played. Ezzie flaunted her physicality and dominance in challenges while also doing a great job of staying on the right side of the votes. Liam made a show of his big move to start the merge, his social game to keep himself alive after losing his allies, and ended it by eliminating one of the biggest threats in Lance. Nari talked about how she managed to get her whole tribe to the merge, and while she was always clearly a strategic threat, never came up in the votes to be voted out. In the end the vote was 4-3-2 with everyone having strong reasons for voting for each of the finalists.
3rd: In third place came Ezzie Rackhelm. The jury valued her physical game and placements among the majority alliances. In the end they couldnt separate her game as much from the game that Lance had played and wanted to see more individuality in her gameplay. She becomes the second runner up recieiving 2 votes. Overall, i loved having Ezzie in this season. When I first simmed it, I honestly thought she was going to win. I think she has more she can give to survivor and would love to see her come back for redemption.
2nd: With three votes in second came Liam McCurrah. The jury applauded Liam’s big moves in the game at the beginning and end of merge, but wished that he hadn’t disappeared in between those moves. They also dinged him for immediately losing all of his allies after making the move. While Liam came close, in the end his answers didn’t adequately satisfy the jury.
1st: That means that Nari Higashikata becomes our newest sole survivor! Nari played a wonderful under-the-radar game where she was always a threat, but never the biggest one. She played a very consistent game and worked her way through the post-merge wonderfully. Overall, while sometimes its hard to write the story of an lowkey player like Nari, hopefully her gameplay came through and you can see why she was our winner. Congratulations to u/somewell for having your very first winner in my seasons!
Overall Summary: I LOVED THIS SEASON!!! I don’t know what it was about it, but everyone was so much fun to have around. I thought Lance was a highlight of the season, and we had big moves spread throughout the season. Anais was fun to see survive so many different votes after being on the bottom so long. Nari was a good winner in a great season and so many people I feel like have the potential to come back!
Potential Returnees: Austin, Lance, Liam, Anais, Ezzie, Nari, Ro, and Charya
What did you think of this season? Who would you want to come back? Who was the most robbed player this season? After season 10 would you be interested in a post showing the stats(most votes for, Fan favorites, challenge wins, etc.) that the castaways in my season have produced?
WATCH HERE WATCH HERE

My sister has mental illnesses. Our father and mother have it, on my dad's side it's depression, bipolar, suicide, anxiety, hoarding. On my mom's side it's bpd, depression, anxiety, bipolar 1, schizophrenia heavily, PTSD, psychosis etc.
I got diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and PTSD when I was 11. I was medicated and in therapy after a two week admittance to a psych ward. On at least 4+ medications that didn't work. Chronic depression and anxiety, and as for the PTSD I never really got treatment back then besides the meds for depression and anxiety.
I've battled with mental illness for a long time. My first memory is my mom trying to commit and running from the police, every few months from the ages of 12-48 my mom(s age) has been in psych wards, hospital holds, rehabs etc. I started my eating disorder and self harm when I was 9 because of her.
Anywho, to this day I have way more diagnoses under my belt. I'm so grateful for my PCP I had as a child for seeing me again as an adult. Obviously she was the one I saw before and after the many attempts I did, but I also had counselors, behavioral therapist who taught me coping skills, and psychologists who asked if I saw or heard things, or believed things that didn't actually happen.
Still in therapy to this day and with a psychiatrist, a long with my PCP to ensure I don't spiral like I did. There was a 3 year gap from my therapy sessions, and in-between that I suffered Stockholm syndrome and a second PTSD diagnosis, but it also emerged a Bipolar 1, Borderline Personality Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, ADHD, disassociative disorder, and all the numerous physical disorders. Along with that, I still had my phobias. Uneven surfaces (hills, parking garages, slants, ramps, staircases, escaladers, elevators. My nightmares besides traps and being murdered.
Another phobia that emerged. Out. Shopping, car rides, taking out the trash, look outside. Outside of home. See news. Think about others outside home. I was left to these four walls.
I developed Stockholm syndrome, PTSD, bipolar, bpd, agoraphobia, and more within a one month period between first and last diagnoses. And my sister said I didn't have agoraphobia even though I couldn't even work or grocery shop because of it? Couldn't hang with friends because of it?? Couldn't unlock my door because of it? Couldn't leave my room for 2 years because of it?
She thinks because she has social anxiety, I never had agoraphobia. She doesn't know what it's like, and I'm both grateful and saddened

I ran into my abuser in a parking garage he bolted out of there because I have a DVPO but i feel like I'm a bad victim because I didn't conscioiusly feel scared or have the flashbacks i had been getting or shut down I was numb to it and now im just full of rage. All this crap has done is hurt me we work in the same industry and he's getting work over me I' getting denied from calls because we can't be on them at the same time despite the fact that I'm the victim and it's just how it works. I'm told there's "plenty of work to go around" but I can't heal because it's on my mind all the time and I'm in a protective state. Seeing him basically confirmed he's getting work about this one employer and I'm pissed about it. This shit shouldn't even matter but it's not about the work I'm just full of adrenaline now I was abused for 3 years and hid it and defended him and completely shut down until my health fell apart. I had NO ANGER no emotions at all about any of it i cut myself off from the abuse emotionally and my body took it instead and now that I'm FINALLY angry after so long and trying to stand up for myself and upset about the injustice around employment too I have so much pressure to be composed and take the high road. I'm sick of it I;m sick of being the perfect victim like I was for so so long.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (28F) have been together for just over a year. We met shortly after I moved to town.
Just after our year anniversary, he asked me to move in with him. I initially said yes, I was very excited and over the moon. We are very much in love with each other, and I truly don't believe there will be anyone else for me romantically speaking. We celebrated this decision and then kind of dropped the subject for a bit, as we are both busy people. About two weeks went by after he asked me to move in with him, and we were hanging out at his place when I made a comment about one of my chairs looking good in a corner of his living room. He then made a comment about how my chair wouldn't fit in the living room, as he believes he has curated the perfect living room set up/aesthetic.
He has a very nice house that he has lived in for years and has spent good money putting in work to build his perfect home. I totally get that and I expressed that to him. However when it became clear that there would be no room for my stuff, I asked what he expected me to do with it. It is not that I hate his home or his style, in truth I really enjoy it and would absolutely have no problem living in it one day. However, as I previously stated, I had just moved to this city. I knew when I was moving that I was going to be here if not permanently then for a very long time. I only have an apartment, but I have invested a lot of money into the perfect art and furniture for my perfect set up. Some pieces that he even drove an hour to antique shop to help me pick up! The thought of not having this around definitely made me upset.
I offered to put my bedroom set in his spare room and the rest in storage, but we both have hybrid jobs and can't really afford to lose office space. When it seemed there was so compromise, I rescinded my agreement to live with him. I told him that we were clearly still in a space in our lives where we were unwilling to compromise about the aesthetic of our home, and that until we got to that point, we should still live separately. I meant this with love, and I really tried to emphasize that I do think we will get to that point, and that it is ok we aren't there yet.
He seemed to understand and accept this explanation, but has been very distant the last week or so. I tried to ask him about it after the fact, and he said that he was just upset by the fact we aren't at that point yet, despite how much we love each other. Is there a better way I can explain this to him? Obviously I am sad to not be moving in with him quite yet, but I still feel very happy and fulfilled in this relationship and it sucks that he's so upset. Like, I don't want this to feel like it's a bad thing for our relationship, which he clearly feels it is.
Alternatively, any good advice for two adults to compromise on moving in together with two homes worth of stuff?

I don't post often for fear of posting in the wrong spots, and if is the wrong forum I apologize. For brevities sake, I will try to get straight to the point but this will be long. To any one that makes it to the end, thank you in advance. If you want to skip to the last five paragraphs you will get the jist of what I am trying to say. I am trying to avoid getting put on probation for disciplinary actions, but they won't be clear with what I have done wrong. I am willing to reconcile at work but I don't want to leave this job without trying to take the proper steps to make things better.
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I'm low man on the totem pole for a big company. A big one, that some might say is too big to fail. What I can say that it is in sales. My issue stems from the fact that I'm just not comfortable enough to chit chat with managers about the topics they want to talk about, which are either inappropriate, distracting me from work, or super personal. I've felt like they've wanted me gone for a minute, but I just don't fit in so I mind my business and do my job to the best of my ability.
Recently I was threatened to be put in a program to correct behaviors they don't like, but Im not officially on this probation. When I asked what the issue was they said certain team members feel I'm not approachable and or they don't like how I walk away when certain managers come over. While I believe I am operating within the rules of engagement, given that their topics make me uncomfortable and Ive chosen not to formally file any complaints, yet.
Here are a couple true examples of why I don't like to chit chat with the managers at work:
Manager 1: Likes to sneak up on you and talk about their sexual escapades they had over the weekend. I personally am not comfortable with this type of conversation at work and when they trap my in a conversation I freeze and draw blanks. I come off as cold because my appearance is intimidating, but I'm truly so uncomfortable I just freeze. When I try to probe and get to know them, the get turned off if I ask them the wrong question. I asked a manager if they watched a certain show and they got upset, said no, and ended the conversation. This same manager is high ranking, and will open a conversation talking about getting caught performing fellatio on a beach in Mexico. This was a true interaction and I wasn't interested.
Manager 2: Likes to take every opportunity to talk about themselves and their plans for vacation, but has literally cost me sales and reprimanded me for it later. This person is very touchy feely, and will subtly force you to shake their hand. I always shake for fear of retaliation but this manager will literally throw you under the bus if you treat them like they aren't a god. This manager will have me do things their way when we were trained to do it another way but the inconsistency causes friction between the rest of the team and I pay the price for that when this manager isn't around.
Manager 3: Very nice and very sweet, but they won't have my back about certain instances for fear of being on the outs with the other managers. But when we are alone, they tend agree with me. This person is new and I care for them but they allow the more tenured managers to gaslight me about any issue I bring up. I still truly care for this person, and don't want them to risk their future when I am just an associate so I just deal with it.
Manager 4: The same as manager 3, but not as nice. And we don't have the rapport for me to really go to them about my problems. They were on leave for a while and came back happy to see me, [they asked first] then gave me a hug, but before the day was over they wouldn't even look at me.
Manager 5: This manager does this weird thing where they ask you how you're doing, ask you something you're passionate about, and then they walk away... Literally just like that. I am getting reprimanded for not being open enough to conform to the culture of the company, but every time this manager asks me how my fishing is going, or if I was gaming last night, in the middle of my response they walk and it hurts every single time. They do this to everyone.
Manager 6: Replaced the manager that hired me and ultimately just won't ever let me plead my case. This manager is a nice person, but I understand this person cares more about appeasing the other managers versus actually getting to the root of the issue. Truly a nice person though, I won't take that away from them.
Manager 7: The big boss. I rarely see this person. They usually don't talk to me unless we cross paths, but for the most part they try to not even look my way. It really sucks because I feel me and this person have the most in common of all the managers. They know what's going on, but they stay out of it. I find this hard to respect none the less.
I know I'm writing a lot but I promise I am leaving a lot of relevant info out. I constantly get praise for holding myself accountable at work, the same people tell me I need to hold myself accountable when it comes to the friction between me and my coworkers. The issue is, I get along pretty well with many of them, and the others I don't chat with, we just don't chat but not for any particular reason. That's just how life works. I also took it upon myself to meet everyone, I learned about 40 names my first week out of over 100 employees and out of no where, the whole store stopped talking to me. I really don't know what I did, and it was too obvious to not feel it was orchestrated behind closed doors, but of course they will never admit to this. They try to make it seem like its the whole store, but I know the people I don't get along with; leadership just won't tell me.
In my meeting today, two managers threatened to put me on a probation of sorts and the focus would be coworker rapport. My sales metrics are trash this quarter but they told me they weren't worried about that. They told me it would last two months, and every week we would go over that week and I would be graded. They said the issues that warranted this meeting were because I walk away when I see managers coming, I have team members that aren't comfortable talking to me, and they were upset because I had an incident where a manager where I refused to shake his hand. If you read the descriptions about the managers above, I feel like most would understand.
I won't parade around like I am innocent, but I don't go out of my way to bother anyone, and I do everything they ask me to do. So I am not insubordinate. Here are the things I know I've done wrong recently, and or things I feel I could have handled better:
--I have been tardy for work maybe three times the past couple of weeks, and I've left early from feeling ill. I don't have a rep for either of these things but I've been stressed out over a recent move and am just falling into a new routine, but I am back on track.
--When I arrive, I go into the break room to clock in and I go straight to the floor. I don't mingle in the back because the managers and their buddies literally stop talking when I come around. I am so uncomfortable I just need to get out of that room. I literally have days where a person I had a good conversation with the day before won't even acknowledge me in the break room because the managers or leads are around. It kinda hurts my feelings, so to keep myself in good spirits to start my shift, I go in the back, and jump right on the sales floor. I know I could afford to play the games they play, but I'm just not built like that. I don't even feel welcomed to eat lunch in the break room. For the past 10 months I sit alone in my car on break.
--I am quiet when I am not around the coworkers I trust. Certain team members have really betrayed me, and don't know that I know that they take everything I tell them to a manager and they talk about it in the breakroom. It's so predictable that I only tell them stuff I want everyone to know. I find it serves my mental health and my ability to sell stuff better to keep conversations with these coworkers superficial and light hearted or avoid them all together but they will literally go tell on me if I don't tell them personal stuff about my life.
--I am a bit short with a particular manager, but never what I would deem disrespectful. I know I should just suck it up and play the game, but this manager makes my days hell at work, does stuff to spite me, and hurts my sales as a result of their inadequacies. They are the manager of sales, and can provide no support or advice to help me as a sales person. I honestly feel alone and lost when they are on they floor, and when I give feedback I get their response "well this is how I do it'. Manager number 2 if you didn't guess already. The other managers won't accept that I've already done everything they've asked me to do as far attempting to connect with everyone.
When I was talking to the managers today, a situation that happened a couple of days ago came up and I quickly realized the scenario was the catalyst for this awkward meeting. My boss singled me out and asked me to do something that would jeopardize my relationship with the other team members but I prepared myself to do it anyway. The following shift, I went home sick and on my way out he tried to give me a high five but I just couldn't bring myself to comply because I had had enough. I told him "no more dap, handshakes, or anything like that; especially after what you did the other night.".
I know I could have handled that differently, but that was the point they chose to take action. They brought up older scenarios that I have already mentioned but they failed to address those situations when they happened. They told me that certain people feel a way about me, but they won't say who. I am entitled to zero due process apparently. Not once did they mention my terrible sales numbers. They have plenty of ammo to use if they wanted a formal and documented meeting, but they only ever come to me when someone who I don't know has their feelings hurt.
I was writing a letter to [redacted] support because our HR isn't truly an HR and they are in the clique of spies utilized by the managers. I figured I would ask the reddit community first what they would do, because this site has really saved my life. I had two weeks of bliss at this job, then the team wouldn't even look at me. It almost brought me to tears many times, but I stuck it out and just grew closer to the people that accepted me when it wasn't cool to stand next to me. Now all of a sudden, I am at risk of being terminated because I refused to fist bump a manager, when truthfully there are other mistakes I've made that they don't even bring up. So I know they are building a case against me and it's fucked up because I gave my all to this company.
What should I do? I am definitely going to apply for new jobs, but I can't just keep running from my problems and starting over in a new place hoping for a change. I need to make a fundamental change in my behavior, or I need to swallow my pride and suck up to the bosses but they constantly move the goal post so I really can't make any progress even if I wanted to. I am fearful of retaliation if I go above the store manager because the regional manager knows what's going on. I am also afraid of retaliation if manager number 2 holds for a fist bump again and I refuse. I am not ready to leave until I hit my sales goals. I owe myself that much.
This company is slick, and if I make the wrong move they will bring up my tardies and other fireable offenses but I have really tried to be an exemplary employee thus far and my team agrees. I will be under the microscope and eventually on probation. Please help, I know quitting is the move, but I gotta change some things before that happens. I knew this was coming, because the behaviors are so predictable, but my journal has but only two entries. I am not the vengeful type, but I don't believe in bullying no matter how passive.
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Thank you,
Your neighborhood, friendly dread head.