Letterkenny consists of hicks, skids, hockey players and Christians. These are their problems. Canadian TV series. CHECK THE STICKIED POSTS FOR IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS.
Hello to those joining, it's Evan. I am making this sub to try and reimagine another Percy Jackson sub called [PercyJacksonRP](http://www.reddit.com/PercyJacksonRP/). Join and choose to become a demigod from any mythos. Rise to stardom, or fall to infamy. It's your choice.
I am male 33, she's female 38. We met when I was in a really low place, struggling with anxiety, depression and alcoholism. She was attractive but I never really felt horny around her. However I'd never had a proper relationship before due to my problems and I was very desperate for that connection, and sex.
She's helped me out a lot with my problems over the past 7 years. I've come out the other side of my mental health issues and I haven't drank for nearly 6 years. I've also helped her out in many ways. We've been good for each other.
However I don't find her that attractive sexually and I don't think we're that well matched. When I was struggling with myself I didn't know who I was and just wanted whoever would take me and was willing to change myself to suit them. But now I'm well again I know what I want and I feel like I'm being held back.
There's also two kids involved,she had them when we met, they're getting older now though and not long until they're adults.
I'm starting to feel like my wife is feeling the same way I am as she gets fed up with me not wanting to what she wants to do. She's more social than me and like to dance while I prefer quiet.
She's started talking to someone at work recently, she texts him all the time and they have in-jokes and she's always smiling at her phone when we're together. She also tells us what he's up to all the time. He's also married btw. At first I felt jealous and wanted her to stop talking, and I did mention it to her. She didn't stop. The longer it goes on though the more I kind of want it to happen so that I have a good excuse to end it and start living the life I want. I'm too much of a pussy to end it myself and it would make me look like the victim and get all the sympathy so I win in all ways.
"So I've started encouraging it. I mention that they seem to get on so well and I ask if he can come over and hang out so she has a friend. I also mention how we don't get on too well and we should do hobbies with other people so we both get what we want. I also said ""He's attractive isn't he?"" to her. It kind of turns me on on a weird way to think of her getting close to him.
So I'm going to see how it goes.
I'm also thinking I might be bisexual and if/when we split up I'm fantasising about all the people I'm going to try and get with and what we'll do.
So yeah, things are fucked up.
Last 10 deployments I kept getting killed by players who knew exactly where I was. Is there a new infinite UAV kind of hack? Because there have been too many deployments where I extracted without ever coming across operators, now for the 10th time in a row I just got killed by operators and I have no idea where they come from or how they locate me.
After the initial 8 week nightmare in Great Mistakes (is it still called that???) I was sent to Pensacola Florida where I was to complete what was then called, "Aircrew school". You may know this as the place those Navy instructors murdered Lee Mirecki by drowning him. A lovely place to be I can assure you. Somewhere during that ordeal down there I injured myself climbing a 12 foot wall. Although to what extent I wasn't fully aware at that time. I to this day cannot comprehend what running an obstacle course, climbing over walls and crawling through sand could possibly have anything to do with flying around in an airplane while hunting down submarines...but hey!! Welcome to the Navy right? After that fiasco where I learned that I could swim literally a mile in a flight suit, tread water for 30 minutes at a time...and quite literally almost drown in the helo-dunker... I was off to the dreaded Millington. I'd like to digress somewhat and say that through all of this...slowly day by day my attitude was going right the fuck downhill. To use an analogy, my entire outlook was going down faster than a 2nd cousin at a Tennessee family reunion. (And that's pretty fast!!) So I began looking a way out. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't find one. I never felt so trapped in my entire life. At that time all aviation schools were sent to Millington where you sat in a classroom day in and day out. Mine was no different. But my injury was getting worse. After my second trip to medical I was told there was no way I was going to be able to do my job. As potentially I could find myself in that same P-3 for up to 10-12 hours at a time. They told me, "Don't worry...we'll find you another job". Oh Shit! did I just stumble onto my exit?!?!? Things start looking up:
I was sent to the navy detailer. I don't have a precise definition of what this woman's job entails but we will call her career councilor for the Navy. While looking for a respectable way out of this God forsaken disaster I put myself in, I had read through my contract forwards and backwards. I knew exactly what it said and how it said it. I had my way out. (Yes dear gracey....there is a light at the end of the tunnel) In that contract it states that if something happens due to circumstances beyond my control, that make me ineligible for my job, that I have the choice of either reassignment or separation from the Navy. THERE WAS MY EXIT. When I mentioned this to the career councilor lady she said, "Well..I'm not sure if they will let you go". I informed her that if they didn't I was going to spend the rest of my enlistment suing the Navy. (And I meant it) She said she would get back to me in a few days. I immediately went to the lawyer we had on base and explained what was happening. He read the relevant part of the contract and then said that I was right. In fact, he stated that he doubted very seriously if this would even make it to court and that I was definitely getting screwed. However he made it very clear that he could not represent me as he was the Navy lawyer and could not represent me against his own employer. Fortunately, it never got that far.
The Phone rings:
I was working in the barracks 2 days later when she called me again. She said, "Ok Johnny, if that is what you want they agreed to let you go". I wanted to be very clear on this. I made sure we weren't talking about a general discharge or some other crap. An honorable discharge, no strings attached, right?!?!? She agreed and asked me to come to her office later that day. I put the phone down and went screaming down the hallway of our barracks. No really. I went running down the hallway screaming! People were sticking their heads out their doors and shit wondering what was wrong with me. They must have thought I was a fucking lunatic. My God, it was finally over!!!!
I arrived at her office and I signed a few things. She looked at me at one point and said, "Ya know Johnny I'm supposed to try and keep you in the Navy. Try to find you another job, etc. But in your case I don't think I'm even going to bother". I said nothing. (Did I mention it was finally over?)
I was then sent to some E-6 that does discharges. Yeoman I guess?? He had me sign some more crap, turn in a few things the Navy had given me such as my flight suit, flight jacket, k-bar knife, etc. He looks up and says, "You know...most people want to keep the leather flight jacket. If you just write down stolen/missing they will simply take it out of your final pay". I asked how much? He said it would be about 85 dollars. OH HELL NO!!! I told him he could keep it as I really didn't want ANY reminders of this nightmare!! You can have it all! I had actually brought my sea-bag and tried to offer him that as well but he said he didn't want it. He then stuffs everything that I signed and some other crap into a large envelope. He tells me that this will now take about 8 or 9 weeks for this to go through. I SHIT! I had been in the Navy long enough by then to know that nothing gets done in a few days, So I was not sure what I was expecting. But the horrifying prospect of this hell on Earth lasting another 8 to 9 weeks was more than I could fathom. I couldn't take another 8 - 9 weeks for shit sakes! I wanted to know just why in the hell does it have to take 8 or 9 weeks?!?! Apparently it had to go around and a bunch of people sign off on it. Some kind of inter-base company mail thing or some shit. And that's when I had an epiphany!!!!! Wait a minute, why can't I just take it to them?? Needless to say that E-6 looked at me like I had 3 eyes in my head and says, "Do you realize how many people have to sign off on this??". I explained that I could do it. Still not believing what I was proposing I was asked if I had a car. I had to tell him no. That's when he became what appeared to be disgusted. "Oh come on! You can't possibly walk this around the base!". I asked him if I could please be allowed to try. That if I failed what is the worst that can happen? I bring it back to him and he drops it in the mail right? After a few seconds of thought he says, "Well it's no skin off my ass if you want to walk all over hell's half acre....be my guest". And I began. Now there's not too many things that inspire men these days. Perhaps it's the quest for the holy grail. Archeologists trying to track down the Ark of the Covenant. Or in this case... the end of this nightmare!! The base at Millington is not some tiny outpost by any means. I walked. And I walked. I didn't stop to eat....nothing. I walked. The next day I was up and out the door and waiting at my next destination before they had even opened the doors. Nobody wanted out of the Navy as bad as I did! And I walked throughout the entire next day. And the next day....same thing. By 3:30 I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My God, it was over. I dragged myself back to that Yeoman's office with everything in hand. He was shocked all to hell to see me. Or at least surprised I was still standing upright and not on a stretcher. I was done. He went through everything one last time and then shook his head....."Ok....you're done. I guess you are out of the Navy!". I said nothing. (probably shock???) I got up to leave and about the time I reached for the door he says to me, "I can't believe I'm getting you out of the Navy this quick". I almost completely lost my shit right then and there. I was so close to saying, "You fucking idiot! You didn't do anything! I'm the sonofabitch that is going to need 4 days to recover from that hike you sent me on! All you did was sit behind your desk these last 3 days and gain 10 pounds!!". But I thought better of it. I figured he would try to get me for insubordination even though I wasn't in the Navy any longer and try to keep me there another 2 months or some shit. And believe me, we had sick fucks in the Navy that would GLADLY do something like that just to screw someone over. (And they would get off on doing it, providing them with weeks if not months of shower-head masturbation material in the process) You think I'm exaggerating? Believe me, I'm not.
I called my parents and asked that they be in the parking lot in a few hours. I went back, packed up my crap and dragged it all out to the curb where I waited for more than 2 and a half hours. I didn't even want to sit in the barracks and wait. I didn't want to see the inside of that shithole ever again. I sat on the curb and waited. Around 6pm my parents arrived and just as quickly as possible I threw everything I had in the van and closed the rear cargo doors with me inside. We drove through the gate and I never looked back. My God, it was finally over.
And THAT IS HOW I WENT FROM ACTIVE DUTY TO CIVILIAN IN THREE and a HALF DAYS.
As a side note: The Navy said I could never fly due to my injury. That I could never be in an airplane. 10 years later I received my pilot's license.
My BF of nearly a year has different work and financial values to me. He lost his WFH job in November, and has been doing casual consulting work through his online business since then - I would guess on average he works 10hrs paid per week, plus unpaid preparation etc.
I don't know how much he earns, but with the above plus welfare he's probably just holding things together for himself and his child (single father). We have separate finances and houses (he lives in a house owned by his parents), he contributes appropriately to shared bills and never asks me for money. I believe his savings have been depleted with no prospect to rebuild.
Initially I thought this was a rough patch, however he's had precarious employment for nearly 5 years (mostly related to severe family stressors). When I try to talk about work and money I seem to hit a brick wall - there's lots of shame, fear and avoidance. No matter how much I try to adopt a non-judgemental approach it's painful.
He appears to be quite passive - needing lots of encouragement to consider seeking further work or clients. I think his poor self esteem and self criticism is getting in the way, but he can't afford to keep seeing a psychologist rn.
Is it naive for me to think I can provide emotional support to help him grow from passive under-employment to independence? I wouldn't normally support partners thinking they can change one another, but he's unhappy with his financial insecurity. And isn't obvious that everyone has to work enough to fund their lifestyle plus create savings?
Imagine being trapped in a destructive cycle for eight long years, knowing you need to escape but feeling utterly powerless to do so. That was my reality. I'm a 26-year-old man who, from the tender age of 12, found himself caught in the relentless grip of pornography and masturbation addiction.
By 18, I was painfully aware of the damage it was causing and desperate to break free. I tried everything – NoFap, meditation, sports, cold showers, even punishing myself, but to no avail. It felt like my addiction was an unshakeable opponent. But then, something changed. I discovered a strategy that changed my life. If you're struggling, I want to share this with you...
Caught in the grip of this addiction, I would spend an average of seven hours per day, even peaking at thirteen hours sometimes. The toll of this habit was heavy, affecting my personal, professional, and social life severely. Yet everything changed when I discovered Jack Trimpey's Rational Recovery method.
While his book provided me with crucial insights, it was his comprehensive AVRT Demonstration, where Trimpey guided an alcohol addict towards permanent abstinence, that truly filled the missing pieces in my fight against addiction. The Rational Recovery method fundamentally shifted my perspective towards addiction, helping me to recognize and silence the voice of my brain (the Beast) pushing me to consume. Today, I want to share my experience, hoping it could be an effective solution for many of you. You can access the entire demonstration at the end in the 'Useful Resources' section.
Understanding Addiction and Navigating this Guide
Let's talk about what addiction really is. Addiction isn't about the behavior itself, but rather the desire to escape pain and seek a better life. It is marked by ambivalence, a feeling of being torn between two minds. Overcoming addiction involves breaking free from the grip of pleasure and reclaiming control over oneself.
Before I delve into how I applied the Rational Recovery method and the results I got, I want to pose a simple but powerful question: If I placed a big red button in front of you that, when pressed, would instantly eradicate your addiction, would you press it?
If your answer is 'yes', then you have all the reasons you need to quit. I've been where you are now, writing pages upon pages of reasons to stop, yet relapsing despite knowing how harmful it was. It's important to recognize when a pattern becomes harmful, it's time to stop.
As you explore this guide, remember the importance of keeping an open mind. Let's borrow some wisdom from Mark Twain, who once said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” It's a nod to the importance of being receptive to new ideas and methods. This guide may offer a different approach, but embracing it might bring about the change you're seeking.
What is AVRT?
AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) is a transformative strategy that I've found invaluable in my journey to overcoming addiction. This technique helps you recognize and differentiate yourself from the 'addictive voice', the part of your primitive brain structure that fuels your addiction.
Think of AVRT as your personal defense mechanism that works under any circumstance, regardless of your emotional state – be it sadness, anger,boredom, loneliness, or stress. The aim here isn't to suppress these emotions, but rather to stay in control of your actions, no matter what you're feeling.
The 'addictive voice' – which we'll call the 'beast' – is a sneaky internal saboteur. It's the part of you that wants to continue with the harmful habit, despite you consciously knowing it's not beneficial. AVRT is about learning to separate this beast from your own true will, thus empowering you to reclaim your life.
The power of AVRT lies in this distinction between you and the beast. Once you master this technique, you'll learn to reject the rationalizations and temptations that originate from the beast. The dissociation from the beast is what makes it possible to make a firm, irrevocable commitment to quit your addiction. By not identifying with the beast, you can prevent yourself from suffering commonly associated with resisting addiction.
In essence, AVRT isn't about fighting or resisting; it's about recognizing, dissociating, and reclaiming control of your life.
What is the "beast"?
The "beast" is a term coined by the Rational Recovery method to denote the part of your brain pushing you towards your addiction. We call it the Beast because, like a wild, uncontrollable animal, it cares about nothing but fulfilling its need. It is a cunning inner voice, whispering that you need to engage in porn and masturbation to feel satisfied, relieved, or happy. This voice, often referred to as the Addictive Voice (AV), can be quite deceptive. It might paint you a picture of an enticing scene, produce alluring sounds, offer a moment of relief, or even present a false promise of control—"Just be more careful next time.
This beast manipulates you with excuses, deceptive emotions, and outright lies to make you succumb to your addiction. But let's make one thing clear: the beast is not your friend. It's your worst enemy. It's a parasitic entity that has latched onto your life, thriving on your addictive behavior. Like every living thing, it fears its end, and that end comes when you stop feeding the addiction. It has no regard for your well-being, your relationships, your life goals, or your health. Only its survival matters.
As you read through this guide, it's crucial to remain aware of the Beast's interference. Remember, the Beast manifests as a voice in your head or as an emotion, pushing you towards addictive thoughts and actions. You might experience feelings of resistance, discomfort, anger, fear, anxiety, or even a cringe reaction. These are the Beast's attempts to disrupt your progress.
While the Beast can attempt to manipulate your thoughts and emotions, it does not and cannot control your actions. It's your survival instincts that the Beast taps into, but your ability to make decisions, to govern your actions, thoughts, and emotions is uniquely yours.
The Beast may present itself in thoughts like, "This is too difficult to understand,
" "This won't work for me,
" or "I'm an exception to this method.
" Understand that these thoughts are not your own, but the Beast's desperate attempts to maintain control.
In its relentless quest for satisfaction, the beast views everything, including you, as expendable. It's the embodiment of your addiction, caring for nothing but its next fix. It's deaf to reason, blind to consequences, and immune to remorse.
If this description resonates with you, don't panic. You're not 'sick.' It's merely an error of association made by your body - an error in the script, so to speak. It mistakenly believes that this addictive behavior is as vital for your survival as breathing or eating.
Take these moments of resistance as signs that you are on the right track. You're threatening the Beast's existence, and it's trying to fight back. Recognize these voices for what they are, continue moving forward, and know that each step brings you closer to reaffirming your control and freedom from addiction.
[How to Proceed]
Let me share an effective exercise, adapted from the Rational Recovery book, that could help you end your porn and masturbation addiction right now.
Start by observing your thoughts and feelings about watching porn or masturbating, both positive and negative. The thoughts and feelings that encourage continued use represent your Addictive Voice (AV), while those advocating for abstinence represent the real you.
When you learn to identify and understand your AV, it becomes an easily defeated foe causing you to indulge. All it craves is pleasure. The main tactic of the Beast is to seize control of the pronoun 'I'. It will try to convince you by saying things like "I want to watch porn
" or "I need pornography
However, you can effectively counter this strategy. By simply adding a 't' and shifting the 'I' to 'It', you can remind yourself that these thoughts are not truly yours, but are the Beast's manipulations. So the sentences become, "It wants to watch porn" or "It needs pornography ".
By changing "I" to "It", you dissociate from the discomfort or distress. Yes, it's that simple, placing it squarely on the Beast instead of yourself. It's crucial to recognize that these feelings are the Beast's attempts to coerce you back into addiction.
Now, tell yourself, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again", and listen for any negative reactions – this is your AV responding. Conversely, if you think, "I will consume porn or masturbate whenever I please," any pleasant feelings that arise are also your AV asserting control.
This recognition technique dispels short-term desire, making abstinence effortless. Complete separation of 'you' from 'it' results in complete recovery and hope for a better life.
Picture the AVRT technique as a form of gardening. The Addictive Voice is the weed trying to overtake your garden and sapping nutrients from the other plants. Recognizing the weed for what it is and uprooting it preserves your garden's health. Similarly, identifying and acting against your Addictive Voice safeguards a healthy and fulfilling life free from addiction.
Shifting is another powerful technique to help you dissociate from the beast of addiction. The idea is to alternate between viewing your addiction from the perspective of the beast and your own.
When viewing addiction through the Beast's eyes, you visualize what it craves the most about the addictive behavior and imagine the associated pleasure for a few minutes. It will express sentiments like "I want this now!
" or "Please give it to me!
", and you may start to feel the beast getting excited, happy, or impatient.
Then, shift to your perspective and reflect on the pain and negative impact the addiction has on you and those around you. Allow yourself feelings of disgust. Let your own feelings now take over, and you will find that your Beast withdraws and you feel either neutral or put off. This back-and-forth process allows you to dissociate from the Beast.
Think of Shifting as toggling between two TV channels: one projects a seductive yet distorted image of addiction, while the other reveals the harsh reality of its damage.
Introducing the "Big Plan"
The idea of the Big Plan in Rational Recovery is to make a personal commitment to lifelong abstinence from addiction. This commitment, for me, took the form of the decisive statement, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again". It involves pinpointing a day and an hour for your turning point. For me, that was a Sunday at 12am. This moment represents a clear and definitive end to your addictive behavior and the start of a new chapter in your life. You can decide to commit either immediately after going through this post or by specifying your day and hour. It's entirely your choice, and we'll discuss this in more depth later.
Your Power Over the Beast
The Beast, despite its intimidating name, is in fact harmless. It may try to coerce, manipulate, and instill fear, but it is important to remember that it is powerless without your consent. It cannot force you to return to the addictive behavior; only you can make that decision. In fact, you are the main authority, the one in charge, and it's the Beast that fears you.
The Beast is aware of your power and control, and it's terrified of it. It knows that you can shatter its illusions in a snap, without any difficulty. You're the one who makes the call, not the Beast, and it fears your unyielding decision to quit the addiction forever.
Its tactics may often involve fear. It's like the Beast is pointing a gun at you, but the truth is, its gun is empty. It's just a bluff, an illusion. You know it, and the Beast knows it too. It's simply trying to maintain its influence by resorting to fear tactics, but you can see through its lies.
"Don't trust yourself in tempting situations...you're not strong enough yet." – The Beast's voice:
The Beast tries to maintain control by suggesting certain places, events, or people will trigger a relapse. You might hear it whisper, "You can't go to that event, you might relapse,
" or "Avoid that location, it's too risky.
" This is simply the Beast's tactic to keep a hold on you, aiming to make you believe you're not completely in control.
By simply recognizing it for what it is - a tactic of the Beast to undermine your confidence - you can dismiss these fear tactics and reaffirm your control.
What if I Lose Control?
The Beast within you is a cunning entity, ever ready to exploit your moments of doubt and vulnerability. It whispers falsehoods, instilling fear and shaking your confidence. But don't be swayed, for you have always held the reins. The Beast may inhabit a corner of your mind, but it lacks the power to control your actions.
Not convinced? Try this: Extend your finger in front of your eyes and move it, then ask the Beast to do the same. The Beast can't because it doesn't hold sway over your physical actions.
The truth is, you've never truly "failed" in your endeavor against addiction. You've always had the choice, and sometimes you've elected to surrender to the Beast's desires. But that doesn't equate to losing control. It merely shows you gave in, momentarily, to the Beast's whisperings.
Recovery from addiction isn't about becoming a superhero or uncovering the universe's hidden secrets. It's about realizing that we don't have control over every aspect of life. However, we do have control over our actions, our reactions, and how we choose to face life's unpredictable events.
Do you choose the path of self-discovery and freedom from addiction? Or do you prefer to remain confined by the restrictions that addiction imposes? Be cautious: the Beast may distort your perspective, asking, "Where are the benefits?
" or suggesting, "You haven't gained anything,
" and even instigating impatience by incessantly asking, "How long until I see the benefits?
But don't fall prey to these distortions. Escaping addiction isn't about immediate gain or fixing all your life's problems. Recovery isn't a magic solution; it's a step towards personal empowerment. It's about gaining freedom and unlocking your potential, not just as a person in recovery, but as an individual capable of resilience and authenticity.
Concentrate on the liberation that breaking free from addiction brings. Let's choose this path towards a life where addiction no longer controls us, allowing us to genuinely live and experience life to its fullest.
Understanding the Real Reason You're Engaging in This
Engaging in this addiction is solely for pleasure and nothing more. Every other justification is a fabrication of the Beast. It's designed to make you believe that giving in to your addiction is the only route to happiness or relief when you're feeling depressed, bored, lonely, stressed, or miserable.
Speaking from personal experience, I used to think that I turned to pornography and masturbation because I was lonely, stressed, or had a rough day. I thought that because I spent my entire day working alone on a computer, my environment or lifestyle was to blame for my addiction. These were excuses, a way to avoid taking responsibility for my actions, guided by the Beast's narrative.
The key to recognizing the Beast is noticing that the conversation always bends towards indulgence in your addiction.
Imagine you're having a tough day, and you begin to feel down. Instead of recognizing this as a passing mood, the Beast seizes this opportunity. It will amplify your negative emotions by saying things like, "You're always unhappy, aren't you? You know what would make you feel better... just one quick session won't hurt.
" Or, "You're so lonely, this is unbearable. Just indulge, it's your only comfort.
" These harsh whispers are the Beast's attempts to deepen your feeling of depression and nudge you towards the addictive behavior. Depression doesn't create addiction; addiction does.
The Beast's goal? To make you feel so low that resorting to your addiction seems like the only way out. Conversely, when you're content and joyful, the Beast will persuade you to give in, arguing it will amplify your satisfaction. Just think about it. If you're living what you perceive as a perfect life, the Beast will still argue you could feel even better with pornography and masturbation. It's a never-ending, destructive cycle.
Understanding and Separating Desire
Desire, in its essence, is not a negative emotion; it's a natural human condition. It propels us toward achievement, drives creativity, and gives meaning to our experiences. It also plays a crucial role in our relationships and our sexuality. The key in overcoming addiction is not to extinguish desire altogether, but to discern between healthy desires and those manipulated by the Beast.
Imagine your desires as a beautiful, roaring river. It's full of life, movement, and potential. This river represents your natural, healthy desires - things like connecting with others, pursuing your hobbies, personal growth, and even your sexual desires. These are your desires, part of who you are.
Then, there's the Beast's desire - a poisonous stream trying to merge into your river, attempting to hijack your natural flow. This stream carries the pull of addiction, steering you away from your authentic path, manipulating your thoughts, and distorting your perceptions.
Recognize this poisonous stream and refuse to let it merge with your river. This is not about damming the entire river or stifling your desires, but about rejecting the poisonous stream that the Beast introduces. It's about retaining your authentic desires and letting them guide you.
Identify that any thought associated with the desire to indulge in the addiction is coming from the Beast. By doing so, you begin to differentiate between what you truly want and what the Beast wants. This understanding will empower you, helping you keep your river clean, vibrant, and true to its course.
In the whirlwind of addiction, it can be easy to confuse the Beast's desires with our own. I, too, was lost in this confusion. I believed I was drawn to endless layers of perversion, thinking that I was attracted to the limitless exploration of perversion. But deep down, this wasn't me, it was the Beast's influence, its relentless push for more and more. Upon reflection, I realized my true desire was much simpler and profoundly more meaningful: to love and be loved. To have a wife, to raise children together, to share in the mundane and the magical moments of life. That's my authentic desire, not the empty promises of temporary pleasure the Beast kept pushing. This profound clarity is a stark contrast to the Beast's corruption, a beacon that can guide you back to your true self.
The goal is not to eliminate desire, but to reclaim it, to keep it authentic and personal. Desire is a part of your humanity; it's the Beast's manipulation of it that leads to addiction.
The Myth of Relapse and the Power of Perfection.
The Beast might sometimes whisper, "It's okay to relapse. You'll do better next time.
" This is a shrewd strategy designed to maintain its hold on you by normalizing relapse as a part of the recovery journey. It uses these tactics to sow seeds of doubt in your mind, aiming to eventually lead you to relapse. Rational Recovery, however, views this differently: the key is making a definitive decision—your Big Plan—to abstain from the addictive behavior and sticking to it under any circumstances.
Human beings are perfectly capable of achieving perfection in certain aspects of life. Consider the professional athlete who plays a perfect game or the musician who delivers a flawless performance. They do so by making a firm commitment to their goal and adhering to it diligently, without allowing any room for mistakes.
Similarly, your recovery journey can be perfect too. Once you make your Big Plan to abstain from addictive behavior, you can stick to it perfectly, without any relapses. This is the ideal that Rational Recovery promotes—not "try, fail, and try again," but "decide and stick to your decision perfectly."
Your Beast wants you to believe that perfection is unachievable, as this gives it room to persuade you to relapse. But don't let it fool you. You have the power to make a perfect decision and stick to it.
What if it's too Difficult or Painful?
Instead of pondering over this, consider a different question: 'For whom is it too painful or difficult?' Any discomfort or difficulty associated with ceasing the addiction stems from the Beast, not you. Observing the Beast's distress is a positive sign - it shows you're successfully dissociating from it.
Remember that humans can only fully experience one feeling at a time. When you start feeling discomfort from abstaining, it's crucial to recognize that this isn't your discomfort. It's the Beast that suffering. The Beast is protesting because it's not getting what it wants. This suffering isn't negative for you; in fact, it's a positive sign. It means you're successfully asserting control over your decisions, as the Beast's discomfort indicates that it's losing its influence over you.
Most importantly, remember: you are safe. You risk nothing by quitting this addiction. Every feeling of discomfort or fear is from the Beast, not you. Your well-being and safety are never in jeopardy by choosing to stop. By rejecting the Beast's influence and asserting your control, you reclaim your freedom from addiction.
How would I know what I will do in the future?
While predicting your future actions may be impossible, you can certainly define what you would never do. Consider the activities that you find disturbing, unhealthy, and reprehensible - those that you would never engage in.
Now, add porn and masturbation addiction to that list. As you do this, pay attention to your Beast. It might try to concoct far-fetched scenarios that seem to justify succumbing to the addiction. Recognize these for what they are: desperate attempts by the Beast to manipulate your thoughts. By doing so, you can effectively disregard its interference and remain true to your values.
I'm scared to relapse, what should I do?
Relapse anxiety is a common pitfall many encounter on their NoFap journey. You may be confidently progressing, then suddenly a thought creeps in: "What if I relapse tomorrow?
" This thought triggers anxiety, shaking your belief in your commitment.
From the Rational Recovery standpoint, relapse anxiety is the Beast's deceptive voice trying to manipulate you. It incites fear and uncertainty, making you feel as if relapse is imminent. The Beast attempts to shake your confidence and sense of control. But here's the truth: relapse anxiety is an illusion, a tactic used by the Beast to tighten its grip.
Combat this by distancing yourself from the Beast and recognizing that relapse anxiety is a deceptive tactic used by the Beast to instill fear and weaken your resolve. Remember, you risk nothing by quitting this addiction; you are safe. Any discomfort you experience stems from the Beast, not you.
Reiterate your Big Plan: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." By affirming your decision and distancing yourself from the Beast's influence, you can dispel the anxiety and stay firmly on your path. Remember, you are in control, and you will always stay in control, the fears conjured by the Beast hold no sway over you.
The Beast's Attack on the Dreamscape
The Beast's intrusion into your dreams should not be a source of fear. This isn't a situation that requires extensive concern, this is just a sign of the Beast's distress.
There are generally two types of dreams where the Beast tries to assert its influence. The first type are explicit sex dreams, designed to reignite the desires and cravings associated with your addiction. The second type are dreams where you see yourself relapsing, which can be distressing and seem all too real.
When your neocortex (the real you) goes to sleep, the Beast sees an opportunity to attack and tries to regain influence over you through these dreams. This is evidence that you are on the right track. Your progress towards your goal of freedom from addiction is causing this panicked response from the Beast.
Remember, no matter what happens in your dreams, you are in control in reality. These dreams are just dreams, and they do not have the power to make you do anything.
Understanding 'Blue Balls' and Nocturnal Emissions in Recovery
Experiencing discomfort or an aching in the testicles, often referred to as 'blue balls,' is something that some individuals might encounter during their decision to quit their porn and masturbation addiction. Similarly, you may also experience nocturnal emissions or 'wet dreams' during your journey to recovery.
These phenomena aren't signs of harm, danger, or relapse, but rather physical manifestations of your body adjusting to your firm decision to quit the addiction.
While your body is adapting to a new, healthier state, not reliant on constant sexual stimulation, the Beast might attempt to distort these occurrences into negative experiences. It might tell you that nocturnal emissions are relapses, causing unwarranted fear and anxiety. But remember, you're in control.
Consider these sensations and events as physical signs of your transformation, a testament to the changes happening within you. It's important to remember that not everyone experiences this, and even if you do, it's not something to be overly concerned about. These adjustments are something you are more than capable of handling. As your body adjusts to your new lifestyle, such events will likely decrease and eventually stop. Don't let the Beast use these natural bodily responses as a scare tactic.
Gradual Reduction: A Beast's Strategy
In your journey of breaking free from addiction, you might be tempted to adopt a "gradual reduction" approach - cutting back little by little rather than quitting outright. This strategy, while seemingly logical, is often a ploy from the Beast, setting you up for failure.
During my own journey, for many months, I was enticed by the concept of gradually reducing my addictive behaviors. The approach felt less abrupt, seemingly offering a smoother transition. Even the Beast within me suggested compromises such as, "Let's start by indulging only in the afternoon,
" or "How about we limit it to weekends?
".However, I discovered through experience that this gradual reduction strategy often creates more problems than it resolves. Let me tell you why.
Firstly, by not making a clean break, you're continually feeding the addiction, keeping the Beast alive and active. It's akin to trying to put out a fire while still pouring small amounts of gasoline on it - it keeps the flames going, never fully extinguishing the fire.
Secondly, when you set specific times or days for indulging, you're not freeing your mind from the addiction; instead, you're refocusing it. You find yourself constantly counting down the hours or days until your next 'allowed' session. This fixation lead to a persistent preoccupation with the addiction, turning the process into something torturous and counterproductive.
Lastly, even on the days where you've decided not to indulge, the Beast is still at work. It doesn't take breaks. It try to convince you to deviate from your plan, asserting things like, "You're going to do it in a couple of days anyway, so why not just do it today? Why wait?" This becomes a recurring battle with the Beast, undermining your resolve.
The gradual reduction method keeps the addiction in focus, maintains the Beast's influence, and undermines your resolve. It's far more effective to make a clean break and assert your decision to quit outright. Remember, you're not losing anything by quitting - you're freeing yourself from the Beast's control.
Why should you spend energy on counting days for an activity you've resolved never to engage in? The Beast excels at setting goals and then weaponizing them against us.
Here's how the Beast use day counting against you:
Making a big deal of milestones: The Beast lead you to focus excessively on reaching a certain number of days, weeks, or months. While milestones can be motivational, the Beast use them to create unnecessary stress and pressure, saying things like "What if you don't make it?
" or "Imagine how bad it would feel to start over.
Justifying a lapse: "You've made it 100 days, you deserve a reward!
" or "One slip after so many days won't hurt.
" The Beast use the number of days as an excuse to suggest that it would be "safe" or "earned" to indulge in the addictive behavior.
Creating a false sense of security: The Beast suggest that after a certain number of days without indulging in the addiction, you're "cured" and could safely return to the behavior without becoming addicted again.
Undermining early progress: In the initial stages, the Beast belittle the small number of days you've been free from the addiction, making statements like "You've only managed two days, you'll never make it a week.
Leveraging bad days: If you're having a tough day, the Beast say, "You're miserable even after 30 days clean. See, quitting doesn't make things better. Might as well go back.
Remember, these are all tricks of the Beast trying to manipulate you into returning to the addictive behavior. The Beast will use anything, including the count of days, to try to get what it wants. The best way to deal with this is to remain steadfast in your decision and continue dissociating from the Beast.
So, instead of getting trapped in the Beast's game of counting days, surrender this act to it. We can concentrate on the broader scope - liberating ourselves from the Beast's clutches, embracing enduring change, and regaining our freedom. Day counting becomes insignificant because it no longer illustrates our path. Our chosen journey is one where the Beast's urges hold no power, and our authentic liberation takes the limelight. Let the Beast obsess over counting days, while we commit to a life of emancipation and self-discovery.
Why Punishment Doesn't Work
Self-punishment is a common response to addiction, yet it often proves ineffective. This can take many forms, from physical discomfort to emotional torment. In my own battle against addiction, I tried various self-punishment strategies. On the physical side, I would resort to self-harm. Emotionally, I burdened myself with negative self-talk, depression, feelings of hopelessness, anger, sadness, and even thoughts of death. It's important to note, however, that these intense feelings of guilt and self-condemnation were amplified by the Beast. The Beast utilizes such negative emotions to paint addiction as the only respite, the only 'good thing' left in life. It is a manipulative trick to keep you chained to the addiction.
Yet, over time, these painful memories have faded, while the seductive pull of the addictive behavior has remained vivid in my mind. It's a compelling illustration of the human condition: we often forget pain and remember pleasure.
Consider individuals who struggle with drug addiction. They might end up in a hospital after an overdose, experiencing immense physical pain. But as time passes, the memory of this pain dissipates, while the allure of the drug, the pleasure it brought, remains clear and tempting. This imbalance often leads them back into the cycle of addiction.
This became evident to me during the last week leading up to my final decision to quit - my Big Plan. It was the most challenging week of my life; I was counting the days until my liberation. Now that I'm free, when I think back to that week, the Beast tries to rewrite the narrative, calling it the "best week of all time!
This disparity between the memory of pain and pleasure underscores why self-punishment is an ineffective strategy for long-term addiction recovery. Rational Recovery offers a different approach. Rather than relying on the fleeting memory of pain, it focuses on recognizing and dissociating from the addictive voice—the Beast.
Arguing with the beast
Let's clarify something: arguing with the Beast is futile. The Beast is single-minded, craving only the satisfaction of its addiction. Moreover, it's cunning, capable of playing both sides of an argument.
For instance, the Beast might implant thoughts such as, "You could indulge now, it's not a big deal.
" Then, to create confusion and feign agreement, it might echo that very idea, saying, "Yes, I could indulge now.
" It's essential to recognize that both these sentiments are from the Beast. It is a clear demonstration of how it can promote the idea of indulgence while also pretending to be 'you' to create an illusion of consent.
In the Rational Recovery technique, every thought or feeling associated with the indulgence in the addiction is identified as coming from the Beast, including its attempts to take possession of the pronoun "I".
You are the decision-maker here, you are in control. Your will is what truly matters, and the Beast must inevitably conform to your decisions.
Dealing with White-Knuckling and Intense Urges
Feeling urges, cravings, or hunger sensations is a natural part of the recovery journey. In fact, it's a positive sign, an indication that you are making progress. However, these feelings can turn into white-knuckling when you identify with the Beast's thoughts and feelings. When you start saying things like "I'm so horny
" or "I need a relief ASAP,
" you're identifying with the beast voice. When you find yourself arguing with the Beast or doubting your decision to quit, you're in the grip of white-knuckling.
In my own journey to recovery, I experienced these urges, cravings, and sensations. But rather than identifying with them and turning them into a struggle, I recognized them as signs of the Beast's distress, not mine. It was the Beast who was desperate and frustrated, not me. This recognition made these moments not just bearable but even satisfying, as they signaled that I was on the right track in my recovery.
The power of these urges and cravings diminished with my Big Plan, my absolute decision to never indulge in the addictive behavior again. Even if you find yourself in a white-knuckling situation, remember that you can shift your perspective. Recognize that every thought encouraging the addictive behavior is coming from the Beast, and use the Recognition or Shifting techniques to help you dissociate from these thoughts and feelings. After that, reaffirm your Big Plan, stating firmly and clearly, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This firm commitment to your Big Plan will dispel all doubt, releasing you from the grip of white-knuckling.
The Big Plan: Your Commitment to Freedom
Taking a firm decision is a critical step in overcoming addiction, and this is what making a Big Plan entails. This plan is a complete commitment, devoid of room for negotiation or compromise. When you formulate a Big Plan, you're making a promise to yourself to never indulge in your addiction again, under any circumstances.
Choosing a specific day for your Big Plan can help add a sense of occasion and finality to your decision. For instance, I personally chose a Sunday at 12am. Your Beast will likely agree to this arrangement, looking forward to a "last hurrah."
But as you approach your chosen day to initiate your Big Plan, the Beast may start getting anxious. It may whisper, "I can't let this go!
" or "Let's postpone the Big Plan, and enjoy this for now!
" This is not your voice. It's the voice of the Beast, trying to make you delay your decision and panicking at the impending loss of its control.
Your declaration for the Big Plan could be: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This phrase embodies the essence of the Big Plan — a firm, unyielding decision that signifies your commitment to stay addiction-free.
In your journey to overcome addiction, the video I am about to share will be invaluable. It features Jack Trimpey, the founder of Rational Recovery, directly guiding you through the process of making a Big Plan. Although Trimpey focuses on alcohol and drug addiction in the video, his guidance applies to any addiction, including pornography and masturbation. Carefully absorb his words, understanding their relevance to your personal struggle.
watch this video, skip to 33:39 for the Big Plan section: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n2YH8RLd_4&list=PLazOJVze5_z3BdcDSF3uPtN8Vu9VDqVJl&index=3where
I've spent a month compiling my experiences and sharing the tools that aided me on my journey. You are free to ask questions while I'm around, but please note that I'm not a regular Reddit user and won't be able to answer indefinitely. For those interested in Rational Recovery, all the information you need is in the "Useful Resources" section. If you found this post helpful, please consider upvoting or sharing it with friends who might benefit from it. Always remember to dissociate from the Beast and stand firm in your Big Plan. Holding unwavering trust in your decision is the key to defeating the Beast. May you embrace your journey to freedom and experience the liberation you've been longing for. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
Rational Recovery Book : https://www.amazon.fRational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=rational+recovery&sr=8-1
AVRT Demonstration (AVRT Live Vol 1-5) : https://www.youtube.com/@DeborahSpringborn/videos
32 year old man, here. Everytime I quit drinking I see all of this inspirational BS about how great it is. Here I am 23 days into sobriety (no alcohol and no other substances at all) and I truly hate how I feel. The only benefit I can see in the near future is financial- which in itself makes not drinking worth it for me as when I do drink I go on binges where I spend like $200 in 3 days on booze (it's not cheap where I live).
The negatives of not drinking, for me include extreme agitation that seems to be getting worse (I was formally diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago)- I mean to the point where I genuinely feel like I need to go to the hospital (I was hitting my leg really hard repeatedly with my fist the other day I felt so profoundly agitated). I have constant suicidal ideation (I mean I have this while drinking too but at least I have moments of euphoria and clarity while drinking). Also when I don't drink I have quite literally a dozen racing thoughts at once and it's overwhelming. When I drink I have a few hours of clarity and I can focus on ONE thing for a few hours and it's beautiful and my mind feels calm. This is followed by a crash and then everything is x10 worse, though.
A therapist I saw recently told me to write out the benefits vs problems alcohol causes and honestly it was a very even list and the reasons for drinking were pretty legit. She told me she can see that I drink purely to treat my mental illnesseses (diagnosed ADHD and Boderline Personality Disorder). The therapist was a mental health nurse that I saw at the hospital day ten into not drinking (I went to the local emergency room with extreme agitation, anxiety and suciidal thoughts- they know me there as I've been there dozens of times for alcohol abuse problems and suicidal thoughts). The doctor was nice enough to give me two strong Valium to calm me down. So in the last 23 days the only substances I've consumed were two Valium and I would have drank instead if he didn't give me Valium. Theye aware of my substance abuse problems at the hospital and they told me I can come to the hospital occasionally if I need a benzo instead of drinking alcohol.
And herein lies the problem- I don't feel better at all without any substances, I really don't. I see my doctor on June 8th to discuss two medications that were recommended to me by a psychiatrist which include Acamprosate And Vyvanse. The former is prescribed for alcohol cravings and the latter for ADHD. I am nervous the doctor won't want to prescribe me ADHD medication as she is aware of my substance abuse problems but I think I really, really need to be on ADHD medication and also I am wanting to try this alcohol craving medication (it's 6 pills a day. Anyone else take it? It's called Acamprosate
Anyways sorry for any errors and I am ranting and I can barely read or type lately I am so agitated. Here's to another day of sobriety...ugh (longest I've ever went)
I’m in the market for a weekender convertible. Been mostly looking at used and new Miatas, but my local BMW dealership recently put a 1999 M Roadster with 25k miles up for sale for $29k. 3 owners, clean carfax, test drive was great and the exteriointerior is in fantastic condition. I love the car as my first car was a 1995 318ti, and it gives me major nostalgia.
I just wanted to run it by this community and see if there are any things I should be looking out for, and concerns with ownership such as parts availability and such. I know there is the subframe issue and I have them putting it on the lift Monday to check it out, but I’m assuming with so low miles that won’t be an issue. I would love to own this vehicle but it’s also nearly the same price as a brand new Miata, which would come with a lot of peace of mind and ease of repair. I very much enjoy how the Miata drives, but the BMW just felt like it was on a different level.
Any owners feel free to lend your advice!
I have a cat named Luna. Luna is the sweetest most loving cat ever… but to only three people. She ONLY lets me and my two brothers pet her, and hold her. To us, she’s any normal cat, but to everyone else, she is a DEMON!! My grandparents that raised her with us can’t even lay a finger on her without getting swatted at or hissed at, they can only give her food and go around her when they have food. But anyone else can not go near the cat without them being scared of what she will do. I don’t mind it because it makes me feel special to have such a caring cat, but I feel like everyone else has to experience the side of Luna that me and my brothers see. Any reason for this behavior? Why does she act this way? And is this normal?
Hi! Anyone up for hangout? drinks? gaming? watch series or movies with? Dm me if u want to have some fun.
About me : I'm masc, they said cute, about 5'2, and fun. I'm from Cebu, but I don't mind talking/chatting w someone who's not near my loc. we can do all stuff online as well like play games or binge watching movies.
About you: basta babae 😉