World of life bible institute

Life is a journey with it's ups and downs. Sometimes there are more downs than ups. I am looking for someone to accompany me on this journey through life.
I am on a journey every day of self improvement and growth. I am continually working on my communication skills, bringing down walls, and trusting people again. It is a bitter pill when you are desperately lonely and at the same time have a hard time opening up to people.
Please read the whole post before responding. Please include your name, age, and location in your response.
A few things about me:
I'm a homebody. I crochet, play video games, read, enjoy cooking, road trips, listening to music, hanging out with my two dogs. Simple things, really. I don't really watch TV or movies, YouTube, or use streaming services.
Video games: Dragon Age, Skyrim, Diablo III, and the Persona series. Sometimes Stardew Valley.
Books: murder mysteries in the vein of Agatha Christie, high fantasy
Music: Nightwish, Kamelot, Cain's Offering, Cyhra
I'm a liberal. I believe in protecting women's rights, LGBTQ+ rights, BLM, things like that. I am political enough to vote for what I believe in, but that's about it. I'm on the fence about having kids. I'm agnostic. I have tattoos and a few piercings. I'm an INFJ, if that matters. I am monogamous. I will not be 'the other woman'. I do not want to be an affair partner.
I am 5'9" and curvy. I am looking to get in better physical shape as well as mental.
What I am looking for:
Respect, honesty, trustworthiness, loyalty, compassion, empathy, kindness, ambition, good communication skills, empathy and patience. I want someone I can come home to eventually. Someone I can love and loves me. Someone that will support me and I can support. I'm talking about emotional support here.
Please be 27 to 37 years old
Please be open to sharing pictures, voice, and video calls in the future.
I want a friendship first that will blossom into something more. Relationships require more than love, they require effort. Please be willing to put in the effort.

This paper by Maya Gudka and co-authors explores the potential positive impacts of social media use, through a meta-analysis of 118 prior studies (spanning 7 social media platforms, 50K+ participants, and 26 countries). They classify outcomes of interest into the following categories: relationships, engagement & meaning, identity, subjective wellbeing, optimism mastery, autonomy/body. From the abstract:

Background: Over 50% of the world uses social media. There has been significant academic and public discourse around its negative mental health impacts. There has not, however, been a broad systematic review in the field of Positive Psychology exploring the relationship between social media and wellbeing, to inform healthy social media use, and to identify if, and how, social media can support human flourishing.
Objectives: To investigate the conditions and activities associated with flourishing through social media use, which might be described as ‘Flourishing through Social Media’.
Method and Results: A systematic search of peer reviewed studies, identifying flourishing outcomes from usage, was conducted, resulting in 118 final studies across 7 social media platforms, 50,000+ participants, and 26 countries.
Conclusions: The interaction between social media usage and flourishing is bi-directional and nuanced. Analysis through our proposed conceptual framework suggests potential for a virtuous spiral between self-determination, identity, social media usage, and flourishing.

This seems like a really useful reference for folks interested in studying subjective outcomes related to the use of social media and online communities. Are you doing work exploring the relationship between social media use and personal or collective subjective outcomes? Tell us about it!
Article available here: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/17439760.2021.1991447?needAccess=true&role=button

I've been in a 2 years na relationship na walang ginawa kung hindi mag-cheat, manipulate, gaslight, emotional abuse... I stopped chasing her 2 years ago and recently I saw that she viewed my profile on Tiktok (again) and maybe other social media accounts ko. Idk why she had to do that. I have healed from a lot of traumas na binigay niya, but I still hate her. I learned that she is already successful and ang unfair ng life kasi siya yung taong sumira sa buhay ko, samantalang I am stucked. And yes, I hate her more because of that. I don't want to have this kind of hate anymore sa heart ko but it is hard to get rid of.

Hello fellow readers and learners! 📖
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My sister is engaged, my bestfried is getting married, a friend is going to have their first baby after 3 years of waiting, I attended send off parties for some very close friends for the past few months, work promotions for my other friends too.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m genuinely happy for them. Really really happy and couldn’t get any more proud to what is happening with their lives. Deserve nila yun ng sobra.
It’s just that I feel like everyone is on the next chapter of their lives, and here I am, stuck on the same page yet again 😔
I took my NCLEX exam a month ago, and I failed. Hindi naman ako malungkot dahil hindi ako nakapasa kasi parang niready ko naman na yung sarili ko siguro lang I just felt na, naiwan na ako dito sa page na ‘to.
I know na it’s a me vs me, kasi ako lang naman nag iisip nito pero nalulungkot lang ako sa thought na nagkakaron na naman ako sa self doubts, na nagtatanong na naman ako kahit hindi naman dapat, kasi alam kong yung plano ni Lord >>>>>> sa mga plano ko in life kaso di ko maiwasan. Sorry Lord.
Eto na naman ako sa never ending thoughts na “ano na naman susunod mong plano?” “ano na naman balak mong gawin sa buhay mo?” Naririnig ko na naman yung mga salitang “gusto mo tumanda ka na lang ganyan??” Hahahahaha tangina, gusto ko lang naman maging masaya sa simpleng buhay. Yung may peace of mind. Kaso kasi sabi ng society, hindi pwedeng yun lang yung gusto mo. Kailangan dream big ka! Be ambitious! Kaya siguro never magiging contento ang tao sa kung ano meron siya, kasi the society dictates kung ano ka dapat. Kaya kahit tuloy ayaw mong mag compare ng buhay mo sa buhay ng ibang tao hindi mo maiwasan. Tanginang yan, hirap naman maging panganay na may gustong mapatunayan kasi feeling niya walang may bilib sa kanya 🥹
Pero kahit ganon I’ll stick to what my heart tells me, “Until it’s my turn, I will keep clapping for others”
I hope makapag flip na tayo ng pages sa mga libro ng buhay natin.

Hiya :) I'm looking to move back to newcastle after somehow trapping myself in the south east of england for five years (stupidly moved back home after graduating uni and then the pandemic and life got in the way).
Does anyone have any advice/tips for moving to Newcastle in terms of job finding, flat finding etc? I'm applying for jobs at the moment and currently working for the NHS as a medical secretary, so have been looking on the NHS jobs website etc. Not really sure where else to look aside from the usual Indeed type websites.
I'm a bit worried that even if I do find a job, I'm going to struggle to find somewhere to live as I've only ever lived in newcastle as a student. I do have friends that will put me up temporarily, but no idea what the renting market is like up there nowadays. Has anyone done anything similar recently? I'm wanting to live on my own and avoid flat shares if possible.
Would appreciate any tips/advice on how to escape the south, thank you :)

Elves have a slender build, pointy ears and enough arrogance to fill a dwarven hall. They are nimble and intelligent and they know it.
Elf Features

• Ability Score Increase. Your dexterity score increases by 2.
• Fey Ancestry. You have advantage on saving throws against being charmed, and magic can't put you to sleep.
• Keen senses. You have proficiency in the perception skill.
• Trance. Instead of sleeping for 8 hours you can take a long rest by meditating for 4 hours.

This world knows many different kinds of elves, some of which have little relation to another. Choose one of the following:
Drow
Drow have made the underdark their home, abandoning the surface altogether. Their houses are oppressive political forces, puppeting the surface world from the shadows. They have a dark skin to camouflage and dark, nocturnal eyes. Drow culture strongly encourages gender roles, the males are considered disposable canon fodder only existing to protect and serve the females.
Drow features

• Ability Score Increase. Your charisma score increases by 1.
• Language. You can speak, read and write Ricosh, Vernom and Verrish.
• Superior Darkvision. You have a darkvision of 120 feet.
• Sunlight Sensitivity. You have disadvantage on attack rolls and Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on sight when you, the target of the attack, or whatever you are trying to perceive is in direct sunlight.
• Drow Magic. You inherently know the dancing lights and minor illusion cantrips. Additionally, starting at 3rd level, you know the following spells: Faerie fire, levitate and darkness. You can cast one of these spells once per long rest without using a spellslot, charisma is your spellcasting ability for these spells.
• Trained Assassin. You are proficient in the stealth skill..

Because of strong gender roles in drow society the following features are restricted to a gender, if you wish to play a Drow with a different feature than their gender grants you may at your DM’s discretion.

• Drow Arcane Training (Female). You are proficient in the arcana or religion skill, your choice. Additionally, your spell save DC increases by 2.
• Drow Combat Training (Male). You gain proficiency in rapiers, shortswords and handcrossbows. Additionally, your weapon attack rolls increase by 2.

Gramthyr Elves (High Elves)
Even Though they are biologically close to identical to their northern siblings, the elves of Gramthyr have a very different culture. Their culture values honor, hierarchy and chivalry. The Kingdom of Gramthyr has an infamous slave trading empire, to the dismay and disgust of other nations.
Gramthyr features

• Ability Score Increase. Your intelligence score increases by 1.
• Languages. You can speak, read and write Ricosh, Verrish and an exotic language of your choice.
• Trained Mage. You intrinsically know the Detect Magic and Magic Missile spells. You can cast one of these spells once per long rest without using a spellslot, intelligence is your spellcasting ability for these spells.

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Verran Elves (Wood Elves)
The Verran Republic consists largely of jungle, and these elves have adapted to it. Their homes are often elaborate tree houses, housing a couple dozen people. They are often vegetarians, having a lot of respect for nature. In contrary to Gramthyr, these elves have formed a democracy. They believe strongly in fairness, equality and freedom.
Verran features

• Ability Score Increase. Your wisdom score increases by 1.
• Languages. You can speak, read and write Ricosh and Verrish.
• Elf Weapon Training. You have proficiency with the longsword, shortsword, shortbow, and longbow.
• Fleet of Foot. Your base walking speed increases to 35 feet.
• Mask of the Wild. You can attempt to hide even when you are only lightly obscured by foliage, heavy rain, falling snow, mist, and other natural phenomena.

So I miss having a dog. I had a working line border collie from age 10 to 23. Best dog ever. So smart, so gentle. I've been afraid to get another dog because I'm scared they just won't be as good as Tess.
But I think I may be ready. It's been awhile, I'm now 32. I own a three bedroom house in the country. I have 3/4 of an acre, partially fenced. I will install more fencing if I do get a dog.
My border collie got along great with cats and small animals. In fact she would cuddle with my guinea pig, my rat, and a few hamsters. They weren't scared of her. I think it's how I raised her.
I like smart dogs. I like full sized dogs. I'm honestly pretty lazy. All the breeds I like are high energy. For Tess we played a lot of frisbee, went on treks in the woods. Stuff like that. We did walks of course, but I'm pretty lazy. I'll have to change my lifestyle some to accommodate them.
So I've always wanted a doberman. My dad had I doberman great Dane mix when I was very little. He looks like a giant Dobie and I thought her was the most beautiful dog in the world. But they are high energy, and I don't know how they be around other animals.
My top picks are border collies, doberman, and standard poodles.
Also I like Akitas but I live in a warm climate and I worry that they are too thick coats and won't be happy. Never met a rottweiler I didn't like either.
So what do you think? Any other suggestions?

Total budget (in local currency) and country of purchase.
25000 to 40000 Egyptian pounds in egypt or from 800 to 1300 USD
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**How would you prioritize form factor (ultrabook, 2-in-1, etc.), build quality, performance, and battery life?*\*
Build quality > performance > display
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**How important is weight and thinness to you?*\*
N/A
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**Do you have a preferred screen size? *\*
Like 15 inch and more
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**Are you doing any CAD/video editing/photo editing/gaming? List which programs/games you desire to run. *\*
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I want it for programming and gaming
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**Any specific requirements such as good keyboard, reliable build quality, touch-screen, finger-print reader, optical drive or good input devices (keyboard/touchpad)?*\*
intel processor and an RTX card like 3050 ,3050 ti or 3060

So I've been working at my current location for 4 years now. Been here through thick and thin, last year the new GM took over when we had 7 employees on payroll. She's done a good job, but the other managers aren't doing what they need to, so all of their stuff, save for inventory, falls on myself and the GM. I was promoted about 3 months ago to Shift Supervisor with a healthy-ish raise (for this franchise), but it was less than what was promised. The AOP says it's to make sure that if/when I get offered a salary position that it'll be worth it financially. Problem being that I don't want to go salary. I respect the hell out of my GM, but I really just feel over worked for what I make, plus my social life is completely gone. I just don't have any time to myself or my partner, as I have to be at work by 4am, and don't get out until 2 or 3 pm. The AOP claims we'll get a 4th manager in 8-10 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long for things to improve. He also told the GM to schedule me 8 hours of OT a week in addition to the 45 hours I'm regularly scheduled. I know I don't owe the company anything, and I can just submit a 2 week notice as is, but I don't want to leave the store burning.

Hello again!
Actually my head hurts and my back hurts too. Maybe even my heart. I wrote this essay for 2 days straight. It is of better quality than my previous pieces, both in content and style. It's also the longest so I felt an obligation to deliver it as interesting as possible. Extensive essays are pretty tendious, I'm aware but I think I created an insightful and stimulating analysis for a character that doesn't get the attention he deserves. This is not just a hollow phrase, as I claim this essay uncovers unheard of depths of Gorou Amamiya respectively Aqua Hoshino.
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Preamble
In the past we discussed Ruby's genius during her Audition with Frill and Akane. To sum it up: She's acting her whole life as the innocent and pure idol girl Ruby Hoshino but what fuels the encryption of her true self is her traumatized core identity as Sarina which she hides through acting.
Since this identity was passed down to her new life, her trauma was likewise passed down as well and as a result it predispositions her new life's psyche. After the loss of Ai and Gorou she yet again finds herself trapped in a repetitive cycle of her previous trauma of parental abandonment. That's why in her deep reflection during the audition she would overlap Sarina's and Ruby's psychograms seamlessly. It's the same all over again.
We discussed yesterday Gorou as Ruby's father figure while evidently Ai had a function as a mother figure to her (to Sarina actually) - or to be more precise the loss of both as surrogate parential figures associated as dear to her heart people triggered Sarina's trauma of an abandoned child through Ruby again. This in short is the nature of her repetitive traumatic cycle. Sarina-Ruby is acting a smile in both lifes while nobody seems to notice the ugly feelings deep inside her. Even when she had a reverse act coming out at the audition, Frill and Akane wouldn't conceive that these feelings weren't part of her auditional act but actually the naked truth.
However the point of this essay is not to talk about Ruby - although she will certainly be useful - but this time to explore to which extent the predisposition from the past life and the traumatic repetitive cycles are as principles applicable to Aqua in order to gain access into the very dephts of his soul. This will allow us to methodically understand the true nature behind his lately menacing character plot. I swear it's the first time you hear these takes.
In the long run this essay will also substantiate my analysis of Ruby, because if this is applicable to Aqua too then it's fair to say that we uncovered a symmetrical primary structure the Author intended to construct for these twins. (Mirror) Symmetrrial relations are indeed indicated between them on a lot of levels, some essays on this sub discuss that exhaustively.
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So, we established Sarina's traumatic identity to be a predispositional factor for Ruby, vice versa we now have to establish the same for Aqua. It'd be misleading to ignore Gorou's core identity if we want to grasp Aqua's actions - or perhaps even his acting? Aqua too is stuck in a repetitive cycle triggered from his past life's supressed trauma. We will in this essay explore the depths of it like never done before. Eventually we gain a completely different understanding of revenge that actually haunts him more than it does Kamiki.
You kow, the other day I read an essay where the OP would refuse to call Aqua Aqua anymore and instead refers to him now as "Aquamarine" because he/she is apparently mad at his current behaviour. This to me is kinda funny but also instructive because it goes to show a fundamental misunderstanding of his character, which I believe is shared by many people. Be mad at Gorou Amamiya - if you dare - because this would actually be engaging.
However, we will see that he is like Ruby stuck in another repetitive cycle of trauma and the purpose of this essay is to raise awareness while not to excuse him blatantly but to point to the tragic and dramatic nature of his mind and soul. Because at this point it's safe to say that what we currently see is literally what we get. Aqua will not become visibly handsome any time soon. Better aknowledge and comprehend his actions now and save yourself later from phony bitterness, anger and other unreflected undermining reactions. Instead that be bitter and angry with compassion. Because if you don't appreciate his struggle you won't fully grasp the Cathasis that follows, which - under the impression that Aka is cooking some really good stuff - would be a shame. Finally I'm strongly hoping that this essay might enhance some people's future chapter reading experience.
Without further edo lets dive into it.
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Gorou Amamiya
Gorou's core determining trauma is not that easy to grasp on and that's mainly because his cope is vague while his upfront personality apppears mature and he as an individual is also highly functional, both as Gorou and Aqua. He appears to us as a well adjusted middle aged man: He went to the Medical University in Tokyo, dated women sucessfully and eventually became a Doctor and kinda just knows how to handle stuff. He is also a walking encyclopaedia, so feel free to ask him anything!
On the contrary site: Gorou seems to be a loner, an Otaku in denial who lives quite isolated in Japan's rural backwaters. After his study years in Tokyo he moved back to his hometown. We don't know the exact reason why he voluntarily choose this kind of isolation, probably to take care of his grandmother. When he came back to the hospitel as Aqua he referred to his coworkers as "colleagues I was close to" which implies a certain distance and a lack of other related people in the town like for instance actual friends that he would want to meet. After he learned that nobody of his past colleugues work there anymore the "social question" of his past life fizzled out.
The rural working place granted him a lot of free time at the hospital, So he met his emotionally undemanding social life with escapism into Idol-Culture respectively Ai Hoshino. And surely this "quirk" is the first indication that this man doesn't just maintain an introverted but healthy Work-Life-Balance as a doctor but actually tries to cure away some void: A normal man just doesn't scream joyful in a patient's room like a fanatic over an Idol show. This beginning scene doesn't just serves as a quirky comic relief but sets a fundamental tone to his character. A little later the coworking woman in EP 1 wouldn't quite believe his copium about a shared memory with Sarina as the reason for his idolization of Ai. And since he didn't gave her a clear answer if he would or wouldn't date Ai he at the same time disclosed a personal obsession as to be part of his allegedly idealistic and pure motives. We will get back to their conversation later, as we will find out that Gorou was actually honest and righteouss about his claims.
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I know, I know. Still haven't mentioned the elephant in the room:
His dead mother.
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What is Guilt?
When for Ruby the reoccuring event of her traumatic cycle is parental abandonment then for Gorou it is the feeling of guilt "for being born at the expense of his mother" (C75). In other words to feel responsible for her death.
Gorou lost his mother during his birth but he eventually got adopted by his Grandmother who took the role as his mother figure. The fact that he was actually raised by family laid the foundation for a some what functional personality. In fact he for his personal development received maternal love from his grandmother, thus the trauma which he recycled over Ai's death is fundamentally different from Ruby's.
But at the same time... it isn't different at all. Here is the why:
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What is Love?
We found out in the essay about Gorou as Ruby's father-figure that she'd eventually develope a romantic love interest for her father-figure due to the stagnation of her psychological development as part of her inherited "curse" through reincarnation with her trauma. While Ruby's body would mature and develope, likewise Ichigo as a father-surrogat is not present in her life, Sarina's soul would still be bounded to a confused relationship she development during her hospitalization. Sarina's love for Gorou was a childish inmature expression in a phase where the father is the only male person of interest in a young girl's life. But the anxiety to lose a dear father like figure again after she was abandoned by her biological father would also urge her to express a childish romantic interest for her Doctor. If he marries her he can never leave her again. A differentiation and overcoming of this developmental phase didn't happen for Ruby because the memory of Gorou would force herself in a obsessive spiral until she confused herself to desire actual romantic love from him, her father-figure. The playful jokes about marriage when Sarina becomes 16 have turned to a personal life goal of Ruby. When she found out about his death it triggered the trauma of parental abondenment and unleashed all her self-destructive feelings. A death wish that already was present during her life as Sarina and after Ai's death but had been intercepted by Miyako as a new mother and also through the hope and longing for Gorou's acceptance of her - both as Sarina and Ruby, but moreso in Ruby because this confused desire found a fleshed out embodiment in a sexually developed girl's body.
Well and Gorous obsession over the Idol Ai isn't that far off from this. Because what Gorou actually seeks from Ai is unconditional love. The kind of love that isn't just receivable by a surrogate mother but the very personal love that only a biological mother can give to her child in the very early infant stage. In Ai's eyes he would feel a kind of dangerous tease of this deeply hidden desire and while he never actually understood the reason of this longing or even that it's related to a surpressed trauma over his dead mother, he do felt mystically pulled into Ai's realm and felt a glimpse of hope for unconditional "Ai" (Ai when written in Kanji means Love) through her idolization.
But keep in mind that he is a full grown man. He already experienced a mostly sufficient mother figure in his life - the Grandmother. Of course he would never realize what the cause for his troublesome obsession over this teenage girl Ai Hoshino really is about. He eventually developes just as Ruby for Gorou a confusing sexual interest for the "unconditionally loving mother" that he projects onto Ai. Likewise Ruby developed a sexual interest for her idolized father figure Gorou.
Interestlingly enough the chat with his coworker on the roof about Ai fully displayed his confusion. In this scene she was a bit like a therapist, while he would reveal his trauma to her. The irony of course is that neither he nor her realize it: On the one hand he indeed seeks pure and idealistic form of "Ai", unconditional love of a mother for her childt. At the same time it's distorted by his sexual maturity which would try to find fullfillment through romantic and sexual "ressources".
The romantic fantasy is an impuls of the conflicted adult body that carries an infant's hidden wish. An unfulfilled infant lives deep inside of Gorous heart as a surpressed trauma over his mother's death who couldn't give him the most exclusive form of maternal love.
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The Selfish Love
We found the inverted similarity between Ruby's attachment to Gorou and Aqua's attachment to Ai. But it's worth to point out that in relation to Ai - and what I mean by that the quality of the relation Aqua -> Ai vs. Ruby -> Ai - there is a crucial difference in the form of love they want from her and it is mainly rooted in the different developmental phases they both are "stuck" in terms of the form of desired maternity.
Ruby's longing for a mother is transferable. Since she probably received the kind of unconditional love of an infant herself but was only abandoned at a later age when she became sick, Sarina could compensate it with Ai's love and even Miyako's after Ai's death. Ruby was kinda temporarly stabilized since she believed in meeting her idolized father again. It's not like Ai's death hasn't affected her but she is in her longing for maternal love actually more mature than Gorou. I will explain later how. Ai is for Ruby from this point of view "interchangable" just like Marina. But it is a yet to observe in the coming chapters how and when Sarina will "release herself and her mother from the expectation that a mother should love her child" (C119) but to me it seems like Sarina has a solid foundation to overcome this issue through her movie role of Ai.
But what about the kind of love Gorou craves for? Well for once we know that he doesn't seek something transferable because in fact a transfer that could cover the kind of maternal Love Ruby seeks he already received from his Grandmother. He wants the pure, innocent and idealistic love of a mother for his infant, for him it can only be re-created and satisfied in the impossible yet odd realm of supernaturality, A reincarnation as an actual infant with intact memories of his past life in the hands of an actual loving mother. This is the only but also the absolute solution to meet the innocent and pure minded wish of the traumatized infant crying in Gorous heart.
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"When I woke up, I was in heaven [....] for now, I just want to live this baby life to it's fullest"(Chapter 1)

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A normal well adjusted adult would perceive this situation as a nightmare. Being a baby stands in the heaviest contrast to the inherited soul of an adult. "I am a f'cking grown man, goddamit. Why am I a baby? I'm right now the most vulnerable, dependend and defenseless being, this situation absolutely opposes my proven and experienced self identity as a grown up" This is what a normal adult would think and he would hate this unintelligible situation he found himself randomly in. It's basically a curse. Also he would want to go back to his family, friends etc. Gorou on the other hand is a loner and suffers a tragic supressed trauma. So now we beginn to see how all the hings come together. Such a joyful and innocent scene as presented in the Manga has a dark meaning behind it.
To embrace the role of a cute liltte baby with the same joy and happiness it implies an actual desire to do so. To assert that this is yet another casual comic relief scene just to start his interesting journey as a MC misses the point. The plot started when he fanatically cheered up his Idol over the TV of a patients room.
Likewise here and there his personal desire in Ai and "Ai" would blend out the surounding world. Aqua ignores the premise of his reincarnation that he was murdered by Ai's stalker, because he wants to stimulate his deeply supressed desire. Gorou ignores the patient's needed rest when Ai is on TV, because he wants to stimulate the same desire. In relation to Ai Gorou is selfish right from the start. It's a very inmature selfish love towards her as an Idol and a mother, in fact this form of love is the most inmature and selfish love imaginable because it's born from the tragically denied desire of the most vulnerable and inmature human form: The Infant. In fact, that he as a doctor couldn't supresse his selfish will to disturb a resting patient was a pivotal moment to prelude the great lengths this desire would go to experience stimulation. His behaviour as Ai's baby is a derivation and the purest and most innocent enbodiment. Because this time it's materialized in the body of an actual infant. Gorou has become the human flesh of the traumatically supressed infant's desire living in his heart.
Gorou at this point is absolutely unwilling to give up the situation he found himself in. The infant has completely taken over the adult's mind. At one point he would even thank the culprit and ompletely misjudge the actual situation they are in. This - for such a reasonable and smart but apparently selfless man like Gorou - is astonishing to say the least. In relation of it's meaning in terms of trauma and hidden desire it's comprehensible.
The infant's longing is the most fragile form of love imaginable. If it misses it's chance it's all over again. It only came into life through an absolutely impossible miracle. This selfish little desire, for a long time well hidden as a surpressed trauma, feed by escapism in Idol-Culture, will do anything to blockade interferring reason. The reasonable adult Gorou is completely cut off.
The adult Gorou who's identity as an dedicated professional who is willing to go to great lengths to support his patients while rolling back his personal gain. The adult Gorou that for once let his selfish wish take advantage. This adult Gorou will end with the corpse of his mother in his hands.
​
The Reenactment of a Tragedy
"Unconditional love" - it should be pure and innocent yet it becomes the very reason for his self-destroying malicous decades long torture and agony.
With the death of Ai Aqua for the first time conscioussly witnesses what until then was just a deeply hidden ugly non-verbalized traumatic experience. Before Ai's death Gorou never realized the existence of it, let alone the depths of it nor how it affects his personality structure.
But now while he is the accomplice witness of an unfolding nightmare - with the heart of an infant and the brain of an adult - the surpressed trauma actually has a real reenactment...
​

"I could never forget... The rusted metal-like smell of her blood penetrating my nostrils. Nor could I forget how the warmth slowly left her hand" (C51)

https://preview.redd.it/3hv2m50vxr2b1.jpg?width=1481&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7842bc1ac0945aab5149c505fd719c6139ca4370
This is probably the most impactful moment of self-realization in the Manga in terms of Gorou's psyche. Yes, Gorou's. These words reflect the core traumatic experience of Gorou's birth that was reenacted by Ai's death. This is not about Aqua and his roleplay as the Son of Ai Hoshino and it's certainly not the trauma of a fan who lost his favorite Idol.
These are the words of a newborn that could never forget the rusted metal-like smell of his mother's blood penetrating his nostrils. Nor could he forget how the warmth slowly left her hand. Can you imagine what he's actually describing her? How his mother was slowly bleeding out and dies while she was holding her newborn in her arms?
​
Postpartum bleeding or postpartum hemorrhage is often defined as the loss of more than 500 ml or 1,000 ml of blood following childbirth.
​
They were alone, Gorou was exposed to his dying mother until her last gasp. This shocking tragic accident describes the first moments of his early life as a horrifying Dispair.
And we can immediately see, that Ai's death scene was personally ment for Gorou. It's not a coincidence that Ruby would by shielded behind the milky glassed door while Aqua would be exposed to the fullest with all his senses. It's because the repetitive cycle of his personal trauma was ment to unfold exclusively to him. In the closed door that shields Ruby also symbolizes the earlier expressed maturity of Ruby's seek for maternal love. This little physical gap and the muffled visual and audible senses are a quintessential symbolization of the difference in the form of love Ruby and Aqua seek and quintessential to the importance of the circumstances of her death to each of them.
Likewise Ruby's discovery of Gorou's corpse as a triggering event of her personal trauma through the guidance of the crow was exclusively ment for her to experience. Aqua was "excluded" in the sense that he wouldn't recognize how important that corpse is to Ruby because then it would be immanent that they know each other, which at that point is not in the god's interest.
*
Now you might ask yourself: Okay, but why wasn't his desire fullfilled after some time, for example after he passed by the biological infant state? Why would he crave for this kind of love for years until her death? After some time he should have come to his senses and tell her about the danger, right? And why would he still follow her idol performances as a dedicated fan when we established that the idolization was only a surrogat expression of Gorou Amamiyas surpressed desire?
​
The Reenactment of True Love
Gorou and Ai share a common goal. Ai wants to unconditionally love somebody and Gorou wants unconditionally to be loved. The reincarnation of Gorou as Ai's son sets the framework for a realization of both wishes.
The unconditonality of Ai's devotion that Gorou seeks from her as a mother isn't fullfilled. He early on realized through the performances he would witness as Aqua on TV that she looks at the camera and her fans with the same eyes and smile as she does at her kids. The purely physical devotion of a mother that takes care of her children like bathing them appears to him as an mechanized act, her mere obligation as a legal guardian. it's like "shaking hands" with a Fan after the idol concert. "Lies are an exceptional form of Love" she said to Gorou on the roof top (btw why is everyone opening up on that roof top, is it really like a therapist session whenever somebody enters it :)) thus he suspect she's acting towards her children the same way like towards her fans. Sure, a normal child wouldn't be that suspicious but Aqua is still a grown man and fully grasps the artificiality of his role as particular Ai's son. Eventually after all those years Aqua would still crave for an actual true expression of unconditional love that is exclusive to him. And Ai still was trying to love somebody but was yet too scared to express it to her children.
Now we can see why he would persist on his role as her son and supersede the danger of the culprit who killed him. For years he would ignore it because for years he was still crave for his desired love.
Just the fact of being supernaturally pushed to be her son wasn't fullfilling the desire of the infant at all, since deception and a lie is the core of this relationship. He would naturally jump back to old habits and absorb more love from the Idol Ai Hoshino over TV. But when Miyako took the twins to her concert and their cute dance triggered Ai's most sincere maternal smile it was actually a great moment of hope for Aqua.
This whole thing with the smile was pretty instructive. Because as you recall Ai was during ego-surfing reading the opinion of a fan who said her smile and expression wouldn't be convincing at all. Well I can't prove that this anonymous poster was Aqua himself but for the point I want to make lets just assume that it exactly articulates the impression Aqua shares with the poster. They both think that she lacks convincing emotionality "on stage" - a mysterious expression because for Aqua who is roleplaying this mother-son-relation it's also as observing her "on stage" at home. And his expectation as a child towards a mother is as obsessive as the expectation of a fan towards his favorite idol.
Unfortunately he gets "betrayed" (or maybe not, I will elabore later) because a little after Ai found this new and wonderful smile she would mechanize the same expression on stage for her fans, thus it lost the unconditional intimate character which should be exclusive between a mother and her child. Ai is the best and most ruthless liar of all time.
At the same time - lets entertain that he in fact was the anonymous poster - Aqua still has a lot of selflessness at his core personality, especially as he grows up, more of the upfront "Gorou" comes out again. It's not odd to assume that he really wanted to help Ai in her development as an famous Idol. I actually like this idea a lot and it's coherent with the type of Guy Gorou/Aqua outside of his very personal desire is: A carrying fine guy who genuinely wants the best for the people he feels close to.
Chronologically it also makes sense. She was holding Aqua on her lap and was complaining about the little money she makes. She was frustated and felt stuck. She said she wants to provide for her family. Then she went to her dance lessons and there she would sit down with her phone and read that message about her smile. Aqua could have predicted that she would ego-surf and therefore posted that tweet. Later on the concert Aqua and Ruby would reveal the "star power" that can influence others. A mirroring "star power" influence Aqua would perform on Kana's first idol concert when she exactly like Ai had trouble to express the sincere smile and joy.
On top of that the apparent "push" of Aqua has a certain providing husband-like character to it. Ai says she wants to provide for the family. In the end it's Aqua's interferrence that supported her wish. In this moment he acted the identity of Gorou the doctor when he was looking out for her best interests as a pregnant woman, a bit like a loving and carrying husband.
In a a future contrasting juxtaposition fine moments like this will help Aqua to realize that the amount of guilt he feels for her death is exaggerated and unfair since he genuinly was also looking after her even as her child. And of course we all remember his influence on Gotanda after she was cut out of his movie.
​
*
​
Gorou's core determining trauma is not that easy to grasp and that's because it's coded as emotional raw data into his subconsciousness. There is another very important trauma at the core which prevents him from realizing the importance of that love that was finally granted to him in Ai's last moments. He didn't realize that this was an sincere reenactment of true love his dying mother gave him after his birth. This frame in the anime gives it basically away: Her hair like the hair after an extremely painful deadly birth. She is all sweaty, exhausted and anemic but also the truely happiest woman she ever was. It's like saying: There is no point of feeling guilty, I'm so glad I gave birth to you, my son. I love you...
​
https://preview.redd.it/6veu0yctbs2b1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0883f041277110fc0fadca5c8290e63c2ea72e4f
And is there even any base for guilt at all? The chapter "What is Guilt" in this essay turned out to be the shortest one. It's maybe also the grand tragicirony of Aka's story. "Guilt" and revenge for it's sake occupy Aqua's entire purpose in life, yet it has the most fragile irrational foundation, born from trauma and self-misunderstanding. One final thought: It's also not forgiveness. The kind of love that Gorous mother expressed for him after her birth wasn't forgiveness as it implies guilt. No, she is simply happy and unconditonally loved her son. He is not guilty.
​
* * * *
​
The next chapter in PART II will be called "The Reeactment of Violence" and in this we will find hidden links between Gorou's trauma with a father-figures in his life, the missing father who impregnated his mother but wouldn't provide for him, how this is reflected on Kamiki but also expressed in Aqua's husband-like behaviour towards Ai, but also his poisoned relationship to his Grandfather and how all of this comes together on the scenery of Ai's murder. And much more....

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Maybe somewhere deep down I should’ve known that Succession would not’ve ended with any of them in charge. All 3 are easily corrupted, tained and broken individuals, but from the 3 of them, I did feel Kendall was the only one that understood his father’s business and was being groomed to take over. As Logan once said: “Maybe he’ll be the best of al of ‘em.”
Considering his past drug abuse and the death of the waiter he wouldn’t be a solid, waterproof pick, but considering him in s3 and s4, there was significant enough progress in his character, whereas Roman and Shiv remained themselves, a clown and an egotistical maniac (more on that later).
So, looking at S4 and the finale, I find that it works in some ways, but doesn’t work in more ways. For your consideration, my thoughts below:
Kendall
I’m gutted for Ken. Perhaps the one who understood the business best, and saw where they needed to go to make it future-proof, he was never taken seriously by Logan and in Logan’s treatment of him he became a scapegoat of the family. Sacrified to take the fall in S2 and sacrified again in S4. I am aware of his past and am aware of his attitude in the last episode, him putting his shoes on the table (minor detail, but also, maybe, in the moment, earned?) and him cockily moving forward at the vote. Also, in that moment, justified because he had it, and he had no meaning for procedures etcetera. So, for me, too small a details for Shiv to have a change of heart in that moment. Considering his backstory, the way water always has an omnious presence around Kendall, the final show and his now fragile being, I can not see his story go anywhere else but a spiral into drugs and eventually suicide or death by accident. I don’t see it where there will be catharsis with his siblings, he will take his billion dollars, and begins something new. We’ve never seen that Kendall, and I doubt we will. So, Kendall concerned, a tragic end to a tragic persona.
Roman
I can’t help but extremely dislike Roman in the finale. We all knew Roman was a clown, and could never have been in the running for CEO. But after his breakdown at the funeral, where basically his entire persona cracks and crumbles, I find it difficult to believe he would still, cringeworthy and forcefully, stick with him being Logan’s successor. I think Roman was always looking for an out. A way out of under Logan, and he should’ve voted YES on the deal, take his money and be happy. But he chose to go with Shiv. As soon as he heard her doubts, not even arguments, he tried to convince Kendall in letting it happen. He saw a way out, and he may very well have sacrified the life of his brother in doing so.
Shiv Man… What to say here. Shiv has been my least favorite character on the show and I’m pretty upset that she’s the catalyst for the entire ending. She continues to pick sides that don’t win. She left that candidate in season 1 as soon as Gill started stroking her ego. She left Gill as soon as Logan started stroking her ego, even after stating politics were more her thing. She left Logan as soon as her siblings started stroking her ego. Then she betrayed them for Mattson who was stroking her ego, only to then be betrayed by Mattson, so she went into the last direction she could after her poor “Game of Succession”, and decided last minute to betray once more. But at the one hand, she would’ve been head of ATN, with power to change the narrative, be a valuable boardmember, and the company in the family’s hands. But she freaked out, because she isn’t competent to do business on that level. At least, we’ve never really seen it. 4 seasons I have wondered why people chased her for positions. Because she got scared, and because she lost, she played the one hand Kendall did not foresee after their whole bonding thing at their moms house. She betrayed him again, purely out of spite and fear. And she ends up with what? No company under her families control, her husband a expendable CEO who will take the blame for many firings and reorganisations but surely will be replaced in the future, a boardmember with no alliances now that Kendall, Roman, Carl and Frank are most likely gone. Purely out of spite. A digusting move that, for me, solidifies her as the worst person in Succession.
After Shiv’s actions, I don’t see the siblings ever rekindling their love for each other, and even though Shiv might have broken the cycle, and got them out from underneath Logan’s terrible shadow, she might’ve sacrified a brother to do so.
All in all, I felt there had to be some hope, some catharsis, some redemption for the siblings, but there wasn’t any. If anything, their arc’s are almost going backwards. They have made zero progress, not even in growing more towards eachother.
For that reason, I feel the finale, at least as a SERIES ENDING is somewhat disappointing.
I did love Tom’s move up, and Connor’s video of the dinner. He had a better relationship with Logan then the rest of them, and they knew it.

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This was a way to escape modern day social media. Which is exactly what I needed and what BriteSky has helped me accomplish for the past 2 weeks, even with no other users.
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Hello fellow Indian Redditors.
I got an Internship in Gurgaon and I am was really excited for it as it'd be the first time I will be living completely on my own. Meeting new people and creating connections.
However, I just came to Gurgaon and last 2 days went in finding a good PG. I am exhausted and there is no one to talk to. Complete stranger in this city. I felt it'd be the same as living in hostel like in university (which is lots of fun) but this experience is different and hard to explain. Maybe I am just feeling lonely. Getting anxious. Saw an accident today and since then I have this fear what will happen if something happens to me. Who will inform my family? What if I get mobbed?
I am currently all on my parents money and the expenses are already skyrocketing. Trying to keep it minimum. I just sat and tried seeing how much will I be expending and shit the amount's crazy. My stipend is good but I'll have to live one month in bare minimum, dont want to be a burden on family.
I'll be joining my company from June 1, I hope things go well. It's a startup so I am not keeping any hopes and already thinking about long working hours after reading some posts. I am seeing people do this and that. I'll be living in a coliving pg with a friend (from university don't know him much). I felt really uncomfortable when I saw couples living in the same PG. Don't take me as wrong, nothing bad about it, but just seeing this for the first time as all my life I have been in totally boys things.
I am not looking for any relationships. Neither can I afford being in one and have been put up by this fear what if the person is malicious, does something to me. I am sorry I have become really pessimistic just in few days.
I am also seeing people of my age drink and go to clubbing and doing all sorts of fun stuff. Is it alright if I don't drink and I don't like going out very much? Will it affect my relationship with colleagues in company?
What is this feeling anxiousnes that I am feeling? Is this adulting? Will the rest of my life be like this? How to deal with this.