Culichi town near me

Mostly vintage photographs from around South Afrca

2012.02.22 23:44 TheWox Mostly vintage photographs from around South Afrca

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2010.09.17 05:21 ptgx85 Pensacola Florida!

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2015.09.07 19:51 MrAnon515 Enough Трамп Spam!

Because the amount of Trump spam is *too damn high!* Enough Трамп Spam
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2023.04.01 12:39 LuxiconBE a few questions from an expat

Hi there! I moved yesterday to Ann Arbor from Europe to work at the University of Michigan. A few questions which I want to pose to locals now that I have arrived are: (1) I'm looking to buy a second hand use car in place of my rental. Do you know decent dealers nearby? I have been using carvana and cargurus as apps to find good deals too. (2) Everyone drives SUV cars. I know this is the typical American experience, but given the state of the roads here, I doubt one would want anything other than a SUV. Right? (3) Mobile phone data subscription plans, which one do you advice me to use? I've heard mint mobile offers good deals, but I struggled to find a SIM card in any of the supermarkets down town.
submitted by LuxiconBE to AnnArbor [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:38 pokekyo12 Video assessment

Hi, it's me with more faces than the town hall clock !
I've been ringing DWP since November ish about my review, then ringing IAS mainly due to anxiety and needing to hear that everything was in place. I do need an Video assessment even after the IAS blagged me that they were trying really hard to get it done on paper.
Anyway, I haven't had a video assessment with them before and I was just wondering how it went down ? Anyone have any anecdotes to retell ?
Kind regards, ADHD, Fibromyalgia and IBS (amongst others) Edit England
submitted by pokekyo12 to DWPhelp [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:36 incoming-idiot I have been taxed £1100 which is half my wage.

I don't know if this is the right sub or if anyone has any advice on what else to do.
Yesterday I recieved my pay, I don't have access to my payslips for one reason or another (despite me asking multiple times) it usually isn't a problem as it shows the amount paid in my account which, month by month always looks correct. Yesterdays pay, however was only £930. I'm a salaried Manager and this is no where near my usual pay for an entire month, upon seeing this I called my area manager.
I then recieve a call from my area managers boss, saying my Tax code is correct but my tax is through the roof at £1100, i got sent a screenshot of my payslip whilst I was on hold to HMRC, over half of my wage went on tax alone.
This is where things got a little complicated, according to HMRC I left the job in February. I didn't, I have been employed with the same company for 12 years, they do however have a bunch of LTD companies they operate under. I was promoted to Area Manager last year but stepped back down into a store role due to medical issues (another long story) in January of this year.
The company is still saying my tax code is correct as its on the payslip but HMRC have me down as leaving the job, i'm assuming this is partly due to me moving over to another LTD company within the business?
I'm getting no where fast with my bosses, and HMRC are telling me there's nothing they can do as it's nearing the end of the tax year but they have no information on me for this month anyway?
What is going to be my best course of action here if any at all?
Based in England.
submitted by incoming-idiot to LegalAdviceUK [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:35 Comprehensive_Roll14 Research Clinic Near Me

submitted by Comprehensive_Roll14 to u/Comprehensive_Roll14 [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:33 boardinsleek Dad died, inheriting RRSP

Hi all,
Dad passed away at 68 years old. Not legally retired but didn’t work for a few months near the end. In his will he left ~120k in his RRSP to my sibling and I (50/50 split - 60k each). The bank offered to wire me my portion. Is there anything I should know regarding taxes etc? How does this work?
submitted by boardinsleek to PersonalFinanceCanada [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:33 ImpossibearT Newly single parent, need resources. Potential homelessness. Travel/moving

For context: I'm a single mom with a 4 year old and cat. I'm planning on leaving to my home state Illinois out of Ohio after living here for 7 yrs. My narc ex who I've been dealing with over the years basically found someone new and wondered when I'm leaving. Said I can stay as roommates but for my mental health and better resources than where I am, I want to go back home. No family can take me in right now so I was wondering if anyone knows of decent shelters for families that take animals? Or can help with a move? I can donate plasma and save up but.. Housing vouchers, etc. I just want to make sure Before anyone asks why I don't ask why not seek a shelter here, I can barely find anything near where I live. I'm under bad stress right now and I just need something. Any resources I'll appreciate it.
submitted by ImpossibearT to homeless [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:32 marx_is_secret_santa The rise of President Lisa Simpson (in the most concise timeline possible)

The rise of President Lisa Simpson (in the most concise timeline possible) submitted by marx_is_secret_santa to imaginaryelections [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:31 BadassClassPresident I like Mikoto and Misaki in their spinoffs better than when they are in the Main Series

So I skipped over OT and went straight to NT plan to get to it once I'm caught up to GT, so I'm guessing Mikoto does more in the LN from where the anime takes place.
Anyways when I was watching the anime of A Certain Magical Index, I was indifferent toward Misaka but thought it would be cool if she appeared more ( it's not that she did not appear often, but the anime would tease her getting involved only for it to push her away from plot-relevant things) but when I watched Railgun, I really began to like her and thought she was really cool and really wanted her to be more involved with the story mostly because in her series she was more so her own person and not just a tsundere I assumed at the time would end up with Touma even if it made no sense since a lot of anime tend to do that. This also extends to Misaki but to a lesser degree since she gets less screen time.
But then I read NT and up to GT volume 4 as of this post. While I loved most of it, however when it comes to Misaka and Misaki, I think they're just Yuri bait (even though, in character, that makes no sense) that are too obsessed with Touma to the point at times they don't feel like their own characters anymore and are literal stalkers that force themselves into the plot by following Touma even across the world when they have nothing to do with whatever he's doing.
Misaki, I give some slack because of her situation even though if her situation with Touma was fixed, I feel like she would mellow out and not care nearly as much since, to me, it seems to be just a case of I can't have this thing so I really want it but will lose interest or not want it as much once I have it. So her situation probably won't be fixed anytime soon since once it is, she won't be there most of the time since she has no reason to be around Touma constantly.
With Misaka, I don't know why Misaka should be obsessed with Touma. Yes, he saved her and her clones, and I would imagine she would become close allies with him afterward, but not enough to be obsessed with the guy.

Like they do cool stuff, but they feel more forced then everyone else in the series, so far to me.
submitted by BadassClassPresident to toarumajutsunoindex [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:30 ConstanceKhaos April Fool’s Day breakup for real

My boyfriend (39M) and I (37F) started dating in August of last year. We met the old fashioned way…at a bar; I saw him sitting at a table by himself and brought him a beer and we spent the night talking and exchanged numbers at the end of the night and the rest was just history. He was the first to say he loved me and for the most part he treated me great…better than great even. He would put gas in my car, take me, and even my two kids once, to Wild games, even changed my leg bandages on the back of my leg from a car accident injury for months when we first started our relationship. He even asked to come to one of my appointments when my leg wasn’t seeming to heal. We both loved to watch and talk hockey and spent a lot of time just cuddled up watching movies. Although I had a lot tighter budget than he did, I feel I was equally generous and loving toward him. I made him breakfast in bed once (he complained I left too many dishes though which I did feel bad about and said so after)…I also took him to MN Wild games and would leave him cards and mini bottles or a framed photo or something small whenever I was leaving town or just for no reason whatsoever…even made him little funny but sweet comics of us and snuck them into his lunch cooler or just left them on me kitchen counter for him to find later. Aside from two very large incidents, there wasn’t much to speak of in terms of disagreements. There were little things here and there but I just considered them part of the dance couples do as they learn each other’s quirks and likes/dislikes.
One day, shortly after we discussed becoming “fb official” 🙄, I decided to browse through his profile pics and noticed several of him and his ex wife, even one where he was kissing her forehead. Anyway…He had tagged me in a post and his ex wife had commented on it and it was brought up in conversation privately between just him and I and he immediately asked if I wanted him to delete her and said he would if it bothered me. I said no, that that was not necessary, but I took it as an opportunity to casually mention to him that the profile pics bothered me and asked if he would mind at least changing the privacy to only him since were now together. At first he said he didn’t know how and then kind of belittled me for being bothered by them. I offered to show him how to do it and said it would take less than 5 minutes to do. Anyway…I might have mentioned it a week or so after just briefly and he said he’d take care of it and moved on. I didn’t follow up and hadn’t even looked to see if he had for probably a month or so after I had last mentioned it. I had bought tickets to a Wild game and we were walking to the game and I’m good spirits too when (thinking there’s no way he hadn’t done it by now) decided to look at his profile pics and I was teasing but in a shocked disbelief kinda way and asked if I could just show him since he claimed that was the issue. This set him off and things got serious…the game was up and down for us. It was the first big fight but I feel I was understanding and tried to make light of it a little and just get him to understand why it might bother me. It escalated after the game and got to the point where we both just wanted to let it go for the night. A few days later, I sent him a text asking to discuss some things and he agreed. When I got to his place and started to bring it up again, he immediately blew up and things escalated to the point that I threw my hands up and said “f*** it” and left to sit in my car for a little while but we were still texting and I was really wanting us to resolve things which could have been just him expressing some understanding and empathy for my feelings and not changing the privacy on the pics but, by that time, he had already said he would and he had even offered to block her without my even asking for it prior to that, so it was incredibly frustrating to have him react like this. Anyway…because I stormed off to smoke a cigarette in my car after saying “fuck it” he says he wants nothing to do with me so I asked for my things from his place and say I’d like them now (they literally fit in a small 8x8 box) so I don’t have to make a special trip and he agrees and he handed me the box and quickly slammed the door. I’m not one to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me, so I was on my way. I was a Luke shocked by how quick he was to shut me out but I gave him his space. Before I had even gotten home, he let me know that he was so upset with me that he “figured it out on fb” and that he went in there and “deleted all the pics of her and YOU”. I decided to deactivate my account temporarily out of embarrassment because people had already noticed his profile pic of him and I was gone and I just wanted to not be embarrassed like that (also it’s not unusual for me to take breaks and temporarily deactivate my acct) and I let him know that that was why but said nothing more.
Later that same night, we both cooled off and reconciled and just decided we still wanted to be together and we could put that in the past. He later told me he too had deactivated his account and that he was thinking about making it permanent. I said that I didn’t want to reactivate my account yet because of the questions people had already been asking about things. Another month or so went by with no mention of fb but curiosity got the best of me and i I decided to look at his profile via my daughter’s account. I noticed he had deactivated it but that it still said he was in a relationship with our date but my name was removed because I dedicated the account so I felt good about that but still wanted him to restore our pics but I refused to let it get to me and definitely was not ready to go down that road with him again. And I was glad I hadn’t when, on March 11th, he brought it up and said exactly what I need to hear. He said that he wanted to take some more pics so he could post new ones on fb and even commented that he was happy I took pics from time to time because he had recently been looking for pics of him when he was younger but said there was so few because he refused to take them. Anyway… I understood needing new pics to post and decided to just let him do it at his own pace.
Things were going great. He would even bring up marriage from time to time, saying he had said he never would again but that I made him think otherwise. Anyway….I should also explain that he is a train conductor from out of town (about 6 hour drive from me) and has been living in Minnesota for over a year and we always knew that a time would come where he would be told that they no longer needed him here and he would have to make a decision. I asked if we could prepare for that day by discussing our options ahead of time so it wouldn’t be so overwhelming and he would just assure me that he wanted to stay and that he was looking into how to go about it and him and another guy in the same situation were talking to hr about it, so there didn’t seem to be much need to discuss anything. Even when we went on a recent double date with two of his coworkers, they both pulled me aside and quietly mentioned that he has let people know he intends to stay here with me. The coworkers were facing a similar situation but had already made their intentions clear that what they had was only until that the day came that he went home. Continued…
submitted by ConstanceKhaos to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:29 EfficiencyOk8681 Can I file a police report?

First time homebuyer, so I was a little ignorant last year about all of this. I started a kitchen reno project with a local contractor. He came with references, seemed nice, lived nearby (we’re in a smaller town).
More than a year later, we’ve had to fire him because he was a non-starter but I’ve paid him $13k for a “deposit” which I have in writing should’ve gone towards cabinets, $8k for appliances, and an add’l $9k on cabinets. I have no info on where said appliances or cabinets are, who they were ordered through, and I doubt whoever my contractor purchased them through have retained them this long.
This contractor did not respond to a legal request we sent asking for our property and has not even attempted to contact me once.
I’m already working with a lawyer and have started official complaint proceedings but my new contractor suggested 1) going to his house to confiront him (which I won’t do) and 2) filing a police report for theft.
Is this even a possibility?
submitted by EfficiencyOk8681 to HomeImprovement [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:29 ThrowRApenguinfoot I (20M) am in love with my best friend(22M)s girlfriend (19F). Should I tell her how I feel?

Essentially I've known them both since high school. My friend and I both had a crush on her (hell, nearly everyone I knew did). I never talked about having a thing for her though. One day she confessed that she actually really liked me and wanted to date. I just had too many insecurities to get into a relationship at that time so i pointed her in the direction of my best friend. They began dating a few months later. 6 months into their relationship she stated that she still had feelings for me. I once again turned her down stating that I valued our friendships and wouldn’t want to ruin them. They have been dating for 2 and a half years now. My feelings for her went to the back of my mind for a long while. Recently we all got together and hung out for the first time since going our separate ways after graduation. This threw me in a complete relapse. We talk often but i forgot how much we just kind of clicked when we were together. We have all the same core interests, hobbies, and even the same personality type. Meanwhile, it seems like they argue very frequently. It doesn't even seem like he respects any opinion she has most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I care for both of them and we all talk nearly everyday. I don’t want to ruin my friendships but I can’t hide these feelings anymore. Trust me, reddit was my last resort. Listen, I have mental health issues so maybe it's the depression and anxiety talking, I don't know. Should I just move on and try to forget? Should I tell her?
TLDR: I(20M) in love with my best friend's girlfriend(19F), whom I am close friends with. She had feelings for me in the past but I was scared to tell her how I felt. Should I do it now?
submitted by ThrowRApenguinfoot to relationships [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:27 Catperson_XX I don't want to move in with a friend, but staying with my family doesn't appeal to me either.

A friend (23f) is moving back to a city near me. Mostly as a joke, I (23f) said at the beginning of the year that we could move in together if she didn't move in with her boyfriend after all. Coincidentally, a few weeks after that they broke up and she asked me if I meant it first, which at that moment I said yes, since I've been thinking about moving to that city as well since I work there.
We have been looking for flats for a while now and finally got one and I already signed the papers for the flat as it became clear that this was most likely the only flat we could get as housing market is horrible right now (I honestly don't fully like the flat as we have two bedrooms and a tiny living room that only fits a couch and tv. So the dining table will most likely end up in one of our rooms anyway). My goal was also to have my work desk somewhere else beside my bedroom, which now also does not work. When we got the ok, she was very happy whereas I was not really (we only had a call about the approval before we signed and she assumed my lack of words was out of shock), but I also didn't want to go back on my word as she needs a room from April on in the city.
The main reason why I want to move out is that the living situation with my family. I live with my parents, both siblings (22m, 26f) and my nephew (4m) in my parents' house on 3 floors. Sounds relaxed, but it's not quite. On the top floor is my room and right next to me is where my nephew sleeps, so I hear screaming etc. every night (which can stretch over several hours) when he doesn't want to go to bed. Plus, I can't practice music anywhere after work because he is supposed to go to sleep by then. The last room on this floor belongs to my sister and a cat, who always wants to attack my own cat when he sees her. (We have had my cat for 10 years and he has only been with us a few months).
In the middle floor is "our" kitchen with a small dining room, where the kitchen also serves as a passage to the bathroom. So you don't really have peace and quiet here either, because people walk through especially in the evenings and it is always stressing my out. On this floor is also the bedroom of my brother (which used to be the living room) and the bedroom of my parents.
On the ground floor is my parents' living space, their kitchen, dining room, living room and bathroom (which needs to be renovated and is therefore more of a storage room). The living room is purely for my parents and the dining room is all full of kids toys and a pass through to their kitchen and bathroom.
Basically there is no real retreat apart from my own room, and no way to invite friends over. I also don't want to work out of my own bedroom for a lot more years.
But then why don't I want to move in with a friend?
1) It's probably only for a year, since she will be transferred afterwards and living alone (even with my cat), I just don’t want that. I did that in the past for about 6 months during my studies and just felt lonely and miserable. I also don’t want to live with people I don’t really know at this point.
2) My brother wants to start a second apprenticeship next summer, for which he would have to move out and then probably stay there. Then a room would be free that could be used as a living room with a sleeping couch. My sister is also starting an apprenticeship this summer, where she could also be transferred after in two years (and take her son with her). But there is always the risk of either or both not working out or both coming back and wanting their rooms back.
3) Money. I currently earn 3k€ per month (after taxes) and would pay 700€ for rent & utilities. I could afford that, only the question arises for me whether it is not more sensible to save this money and save for an upgrade of our adjoining building or the renovation of the small cottage on the property of my parents. Both are not habitable due to lack of heating, poor insulation, uneven floors and the outdated water pipes.
4) Is it worth it to tear my cat out of her environment for a year? I don't want to leave her with my parents, because there she would have no attachment figure and no real place to rest. She is not allowed to go to the lowest floor because of my parents' birds, on the middle floor there is only my brother and he is rarely at home, and on the top floor she can't go into my nephew's room or my sister's room because of the cat.
5) I am 30min away from my small village. Doesn't sound much, but because of that I can't join the voluntary fire department and after music rehearsals and gigs I have a much longer way home and I can't just have a drink, because I always must get to my apartment somehow...
6) I am most likely the person to get my parents’ house as I currently work rather nearby and am the most financially stable. So I also am saving up for that possibility in parallel.

As of right now, I'll move in and keep the thoughts of resigning the lease mostly to myself (of course, I'll talk with my roommate about it and we would have to pay for 3 months after resigning according to the law). Honestly, I was supposed to start moving smaller things into my room and paint a wall or two today, but I just can't get myself to do it.
submitted by Catperson_XX to rant [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:23 Kraterkacke [Offline][5e]North London group looking for 1-2 more players

We're a group of DnD players looking to start a DnD campaign hosting offline sessions every tuesday in the north of London (near Finsbury Park). We're looking for 1-2 more players to complete the group. We haven't decided on a DM yet, so if you want to DM thats great, if not, some of us are willing to DM as well. Hit me up on discord Kraterkacke#5853.
looking forward to hearing from you :D
submitted by Kraterkacke to lfg [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:23 Dreddnaught619 Reactivate keyless entry?

Hi, I put both keys into battery saver mode. Since then I can't get keyless entry to work. I can unlock the car with the unlock button and the car starts if I have the key inside with me but I want to have the car unlock when I get near or pull the door handle. I. E. Open the car without pressing the unlock button.
How can I do this? I'm pretty sure when we first got it an approach to the car would unlock it.
submitted by Dreddnaught619 to rav4club [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:23 bluefirecorp [Bard] Doomsday Glacier

The Doomsday Glacier, also known as the Thwaites Glacier, is a large glacier in West Antarctica. It is one of the most important glaciers in the world, as it is one of the largest contributors to sea level rise. The glacier is currently melting at an alarming rate, and there is a growing concern that it could collapse, causing a catastrophic meltwater pulse.
A meltwater pulse is a sudden release of large amounts of water from a glacier or ice sheet. These pulses can occur when a glacier or ice sheet becomes unstable and collapses, or when a large lake forms on the surface of a glacier or ice sheet. Meltwater pulses can have a significant impact on sea level rise, as they can cause the ocean to rise by several meters in a short period of time.
The Doomsday Glacier is located in a particularly vulnerable area, as it is bordered by several other glaciers that are also melting at an alarming rate. If these glaciers collapse, they could trigger the collapse of the Doomsday Glacier, which would cause a catastrophic meltwater pulse.
The chances of the Doomsday Glacier causing another meltwater pulse are difficult to predict, as they depend on a number of factors, including the rate of melting of the glacier, the stability of the glacier, and the presence of other glaciers in the area. However, there is a growing concern that the glacier could collapse in the near future, and that this could cause a catastrophic meltwater pulse.
The consequences of a meltwater pulse from the Doomsday Glacier would be significant. The pulse would cause sea level rise, which would inundate coastal areas and displace millions of people. The pulse would also disrupt marine ecosystems, and could lead to the extinction of some species.
The Doomsday Glacier is a major threat to the planet, and it is important to take steps to mitigate the risk of a meltwater pulse. These steps include reducing greenhouse gas emissions, which are causing the glaciers to melt, and monitoring the glaciers closely to identify any signs of instability.
It is difficult to predict the exact ramifications of the Doomsday Glacier collapse, as it depends on a number of factors, including the rate of melting of the glacier, the stability of the glacier, and the presence of other glaciers in the area. However, there is a growing concern that the glacier could collapse in the near future, and that this could have a significant impact on the planet.
The consequences of the Doomsday Glacier collapse would be felt immediately. The collapse would cause sea level rise, which would inundate coastal areas and displace millions of people. The collapse would also disrupt marine ecosystems, and could lead to the extinction of some species.
In the first year, the impact of the collapse would be felt most acutely in coastal areas. The sea level rise would inundate coastal towns and cities, displacing millions of people. The collapse would also disrupt the marine ecosystem, leading to the death of fish and other marine life.
In the next five years, the impact of the collapse would be felt more widely. The sea level rise would continue to inundate coastal areas, displacing millions more people. The collapse would also disrupt the global climate, leading to more extreme weather events, such as floods, droughts, and hurricanes.
In the next ten years, the impact of the collapse would be felt globally. The sea level rise would inundate most coastal areas, displacing billions of people. The collapse would also disrupt the global economy, leading to food shortages and mass migrations.
The Doomsday Glacier collapse would be a catastrophic event, with far-reaching consequences. It is important to take steps to mitigate the risk of a collapse, such as reducing greenhouse gas emissions and monitoring the glaciers closely.
{This post's content was generated with Google's Bard from the results from the following two prompts: "What's the chances of the Doomsday Glacier causing another meltwater pulse?", "What would be the ramifications 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years from the ice sheet collapse?" }
submitted by bluefirecorp to DarkFuturology [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:23 throwawayfinalform56 CIMT. Echo and CAC all perfect but should I get s cardiac MRI to be sure? Heart disease genetics in my family

Those diagnostic tests only give pieces of the overall puzzle so I'm considering paying cash for a cardiac MRI to better know my risk factors
I'm a male, nearly 50 and my moms dad died of a heart attack at my age so there's some risk factors there. My hs crp and homocystine are basically zero but I have LP(a) out of range and am wondering if the MRI is worth the cost to reassure me (or otherwise)
submitted by throwawayfinalform56 to AskDocs [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:23 DankuBot Me irl

Me irl submitted by DankuBot to dankmemesdaily [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:23 Kamiyu2550 Tax advisor and representative recommendation

This is my first time to file tax return as B permit holder.
I will collect all the document/information, but I need someone to fill in the paper tax forms correctly (I was told by the tax authority they would mail them to me), I need:
  1. A advisoconsultant company that handles this kind of thing
  2. That company also accepts to be representative, where I will be out of town for a while for personal reason
Any suggestion on good company in Basel?
submitted by Kamiyu2550 to basel [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:21 NatureDragon2974 Why do people try give solutions when you didn’t ask for any

There is event near me that’s been playing endless music for hours on end and it Is overstimulating. I complained and people are telling me that I should put on headphones or music. I tried that ages ago and it didn’t help long of much. I just wanted to complain and be met with something like they get it, it’s annoying. Not telling me what to do. It is upsetting, I’m not a child. I know my limits and I have met them.
submitted by NatureDragon2974 to SpicyAutism [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:21 ThrowRArigateau I (25M) was falling for a friend with benefits (25F) but her messed up night out has me conflicted and questioning what to do.

I'm (25M) in a complicated new friend with benefits (25F) and have been having sex, and hanging out a lot since the start of March.
For some context, we have both come out of serious relationships in February and she was planning on moving from the UK to her home country at the end of April. We've not hashed out every detail of our situation but we've each expressed how we wanted to be exclusive until she left.
We've gotten quite close and now she is reconsidering her move and may stay in the UK long-term (I am slightly related to that change of heart). I like her so much that I'd strongly consider dating her as we've been really honest and open, and we both know how much we like each other. Even though at the start of my breakup in Feb I was resolute in staying single for a long time, she is worth reconsidering.
Now the problem. She recently retired from a very prestigious dance company and had a big going away celebration after a show which I was not a part of as I was busy. I very nearly joined them as she was desperate for me to join and it was only 10 minutes away from my house but because she was planning on clubbing and I had work the next morning I declined. She was drunk and I let her know before I slept that if she ever needed anything she could call me and I will be there for her.
By the end of the morning, I knew something happened. We already had plans for Friday but she was conspicuously absent and didn't reply to my messages until late in the afternoon when the time to meet was approaching. She eventually came to my house and, even though she initially did not plan on telling me, she felt she had to be honest with me. She was partying with a large group of friends but eventually tagged along with a group of 2 guys and 1 girl. I'll call them Kevin, John, and Kate. They all went to various clubs and eventually arrived at Kate's house. She prefaced this part that she did not have a good time.
For additional context, she had spoken to me about Kevin previously and they hooked up twice but that was around 7ish months ago. She did not have a great experience with him but was still considered a nice guy and has some standing in their industry.
At this point she had sobered up some but was clearly tipsy. The guys had offered her drinks at every opportunity. Then John and Kate inexplicably start having sex right next to her and Kevin. Then Kevin tries to start on her and initially she refuses but at the suggestion that they all have a foursome she decides to go for it. She made it a point to tell me that when with me she gets incredibly wet and it is very true. With the foursome, she refused to give the guys blowjobs and was completely dry and no matter what they tried no penetration was possible even though both Kevin and John tried to force themselves in. At this point, she quit and went to sleep on the sofa while the other three had sex in Kate's bedroom. After sleeping for a couple of hours, she left without saying bye.
At this point in the story, she tells me of the times Kevin and John kept getting her drinks throughout the evening. She also recalled how in a goodbye/closure type meeting with her ex (who works with her) just before the night out, Kevin interrupted them and tried to force his way into their conversation. As well as this, during the night out, she was talking to some guys and they asked for her instagram at which point Kevin stepped in and was trying to stop her from giving it. She then tells me an additional part of her previous hook-up with Kevin. They had unprotected sex and he came inside her without her consent and did not take steps to help her afterwards in terms of emergency contraception or comfort.
As they get to Kate's house, Kevin and John go into the bathroom together for a 'meeting' and are talking for some minutes. She then tells me how she discovered Friday morning that apparently these three regularly have group sex and invite friends. She was completely unaware the whole evening.
It is clear this situation is so fucked up and positively disgusting from the overt predatory behaviour and I am so genuinely upset and angry for her that this has happened. There was so much apologising from her and she felt so incredibly guilty and vowed to never do anything like this while we continue. She is so sorry because, while she knows she was drunk and being taken advantage of, she still feels she made the express decision to stay and involve herself when the situation was turning very weird at Kate's house.
I cannot speak to anybody I know about this. I can't break her confidence and I do not want anyone to think differently of her. But I cannot deny that I do now. I completely understand that it is such a fucked up situation but what we had is in jeopardy. The images of what she told me have really hit me hard and I do not know how I can get over this. Some part of me feels guilty about this but I cannot help but not truly trust her judgement. She has told me a few stories of her doing quite risky things (getting in a cab at 3 am to go have sex with a musician at his hotel and she had never personally met him before - stories of this ilk), generally involving herself with unsavoury people, and not to mention even considering going near that bastard Kevin.
On one hand, I am so upset that this happened to someone I care for, but on the other, I am angry and feel like I'm being taken for a mug and my feelings have been misplaced in someone I cannot trust.
My questions are:
Will I ever be able to get over this and how?
How can I best address my feelings to her in an appropriate way?
Can I or should I actually trust her?

TLDR: FwB that I am falling for got very drunk, had a foursome, and I'm struggling to reconcile my feelings and do not know if I can trust her or progress this to a relationship anymore.
submitted by ThrowRArigateau to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:20 ThrowRAJillyRoger Me(38F), my brother-in-law Jack(38M), my newlywed husband Rob(36M), and the entire family situation is turning toxic, awkward, and difficult to navigate

I have 1 older brother, 3 older sisters, 1 younger brother, and 2 younger sisters. I was born from an Asian country. My mom had a stroke awhile ago like their mom. While my dad passed away about 10 years ago. My oldest sister and I are living in the US.
Beginning in 2020, I traveled to the US country for vacation and my aunt heard a relative around for any recommendation regarding a potential husband(Rob) for me. My aunt and uncle reached out to them and recommended me. I was accepted by their family and we decided to move forward with the process and they allowed me to live in their house and I worked at their family owned business.
Their mom had a stroke around mid 2021, which caused her to be paralyzed on the left side, needing assistance for moving around, and doing daily activities. Their family has not been the same and the situation affected all of us living in the house. Their mom is in bed most of the time and speaks to whomever she can speak with especially with her family and I.
Within 1 year, I eventually got to know their family and got closer to Rob. We both decided to get married late 2021 with the support from both side of the family.
My mom-in-law and I would have conversations about her worries and concerns for her family's future for more than a year now because their mom is in bed most of the time and not completely there anymore.
My mom-in-law asked me to look/recommend someone for Jack. I saw an opportunity to recommend one of my sister that is currently living in my country because this will align with my main agenda by bringing my family members over to the US because the living standard is better over here than in the other country, I will be given praise from my family and extended family that I was capable to do such a thing in a small amount of time. At this point, I'm making a power move for one of my sister to come over to the US for a better future. And I see Jack as a potential candidate to do it. I will have more control, power, and influence on both side of the family near the future.
Their mom is in agreement with me because their mom is liking the recommended sister that will be great for the family and from how my sister is religiously devoted. In actuality, my oldest sister and I truly love our family that is overseas, and I'm feeling obligated with responsibility to do anything to bring one of my sisters over to the US for a better future.
So I planned an overseas trip and brought Jack along so he can get to know the family and especially my recommended sister.
After 3-4 months from the overseas trip, Jack's parents have been insisting him to do it rather he likes it or not because his parents realized the overseas trip potentially didn't bring any connection/meaningful relationship with my recommended sister. And I can see it as well. His personality is okay, but needs to change a lot. He has no friends, not finished with college, lives inside the room comes in and out for eating then goes back inside. I don't trust him anymore. I thought I could get him on my side for sure but it seems like it is too much manipulation, he notices.
I was having long conversations with my oldest sister before traveling overseas and if I played it right then I could narrow one of my sisters for Jack without me suggesting any other options outside the family for him. My plan was to want more from my family-in-laws and trick/brainwash their mind to doing such a thing for my family without having to directly ask Jack and reveal my true intentions. I believe this has to do with me wanting more from my family-in-laws and human nature to take advantage of someone and people around them.
Jack has 4 older brothers and his parents. The second and third have moved out. His oldest brother(married to me), the fourth, and Jack(the youngest) along with their parents living under the same household.
If Jack does bring one of my sisters over to the US and things fallout between the relationship then it would have been still a win-win situation for my family because she would had the opportunity to stay in the US.
The positive consequences for my family and I far out weigh the negative consequences with bringing one of my sister over to the US.
I lived with my family-in-laws for 3 years so far and I work hard with high motivation and lots of interest because I'm having tax incentives with being married to Rob getting extremely supportive from my family-in-laws. I'm saving my money and I will most likely be in control of the family business with Rob near the future. So, I'm sitting pretty well by staying with my family-in-laws for the past 3 years, rent free, utilities free, and support from my family-in-laws. I want more because I see the opportunity, the power, and influence I have on my family-in-laws. Having money, living in the US, sharing it with my family that is overseas shows where I stand with my family overseas and my influence on the people around me after coming to the US. Almost like showing dominance over another individual or family household member.
I'm well respected because I'm a hard worker, dedicated, and a highly motivated individual. However, I believe I might be asking for too much at this point. My oldest sister's agenda and my agenda is not right when you incorporate more things that involve families from our family because I believe it is wrong to a certain degree it would be better if it was someone outside my family members or not have even planned it out to begin with. Things need to happen organically not forcefully or manipulatively because the relationship will not last long term. Sometimes, I don't care and do it because I want things and I do it regardless. My oldest sister and I are thankful for what we currently have because it can all slip away easily.
My newlywed husband Rob agrees with me because he is now married to me and I love my spouse more than anybody else. Rob tells me everything and say things to me because he worries for his family and he loves his mom, but I need to know more things about his family and I have high interest with things from my overseas family.
Their mom is out of the picture because of her illness and she is highly influenced by her current state of mind. She is extremely devoted to religion along with Rob and I. Their dad doesn't care that much, but is still trying to do his best to mediate the situation for what happened before the overseas trip, during the overseas trip, and up until now.
At this point for me, I'm willing to do things because it has some meaning or associated with things I love near to my heart. At this age, I believe you either have high interest or doing it out of love.
Tl;dr: I need help with inputs, opinions, and suggestions from anyone, if what I did was extremely wrong, toxic, or just using them and my family-in-laws. It seems like I'm desperate to bringing one of my sister over because my family overseas is having no luck, so I'm trying to push my luck onto my family overseas. I did give back to my country and gave money I worked(tax free) from the support of his family business overseas. I do naturally want control, obedience, loyalty, and cooperation from the family despite knowing the family in such a small amount of time. Do you think they will think I'm manipulative, by being toxic, harmful, and controlling?
submitted by ThrowRAJillyRoger to relationships [link] [comments]


2023.04.01 12:19 ThrowRAJillyRoger Me(38F), my brother-in-law Jack(38M), my newlywed husband Rob(36M), and the entire family situation is turning toxic and awkward

I have 1 older brother, 3 older sisters, 1 younger brother, and 2 younger sisters. I was born from an Asian country. My mom had a stroke awhile ago like their mom. While my dad passed away about 10 years ago. My oldest sister and I are living in the US.
Beginning in 2020, I traveled to the US country for vacation and my aunt heard a relative around for any recommendation regarding a potential husband(Rob) for me. My aunt and uncle reached out to them and recommended me. I was accepted by their family and we decided to move forward with the process and they allowed me to live in their house and I worked at their family owned business.
Their mom had a stroke around mid 2021, which caused her to be paralyzed on the left side, needing assistance for moving around, and doing daily activities. Their family has not been the same and the situation affected all of us living in the house. Their mom is in bed most of the time and speaks to whomever she can speak with especially with her family and I.
Within 1 year, I eventually got to know their family and got closer to Rob. We both decided to get married late 2021 with the support from both side of the family.
My mom-in-law and I would have conversations about her worries and concerns for her family's future for more than a year now because their mom is in bed most of the time and not completely there anymore.
My mom-in-law asked me to look/recommend someone for Jack. I saw an opportunity to recommend one of my sister that is currently living in my country because this will align with my main agenda by bringing my family members over to the US because the living standard is better over here than in the other country, I will be given praise from my family and extended family that I was capable to do such a thing in a small amount of time. At this point, I'm making a power move for one of my sister to come over to the US for a better future. And I see Jack as a potential candidate to do it. I will have more control, power, and influence on both side of the family near the future.
Their mom is in agreement with me because their mom is liking the recommended sister that will be great for the family and from how my sister is religiously devoted. In actuality, my oldest sister and I truly love our family that is overseas, and I'm feeling obligated with responsibility to do anything to bring one of my sisters over to the US for a better future.
So I planned an overseas trip and brought Jack along so he can get to know the family and especially my recommended sister.
After 3-4 months from the overseas trip, Jack's parents have been insisting him to do it rather he likes it or not because his parents realized the overseas trip potentially didn't bring any connection/meaningful relationship with my recommended sister. And I can see it as well. His personality is okay, but needs to change a lot. He has no friends, not finished with college, lives inside the room comes in and out for eating then goes back inside. I don't trust him anymore. I thought I could get him on my side for sure but it seems like it is too much manipulation, he notices.
I was having long conversations with my oldest sister before traveling overseas and if I played it right then I could narrow one of my sisters for Jack without me suggesting any other options outside the family for him. My plan was to want more from my family-in-laws and trick/brainwash their mind to doing such a thing for my family without having to directly ask Jack and reveal my true intentions. I believe this has to do with me wanting more from my family-in-laws and human nature to take advantage of someone and people around them.
Jack has 4 older brothers and his parents. The second and third have moved out. His oldest brother(married to me), the fourth, and Jack(the youngest) along with their parents living under the same household.
If Jack does bring one of my sisters over to the US and things fallout between the relationship then it would have been still a win-win situation for my family because she would had the opportunity to stay in the US.
The positive consequences for my family and I far out weigh the negative consequences with bringing one of my sister over to the US.
I lived with my family-in-laws for 3 years so far and I work hard with high motivation and lots of interest because I'm having tax incentives with being married to Rob getting extremely supportive from my family-in-laws. I'm saving my money and I will most likely be in control of the family business with Rob near the future. So, I'm sitting pretty well by staying with my family-in-laws for the past 3 years, rent free, utilities free, and support from my family-in-laws. I want more because I see the opportunity, the power, and influence I have on my family-in-laws. Having money, living in the US, sharing it with my family that is overseas shows where I stand with my family overseas and my influence on the people around me after coming to the US. Almost like showing dominance over another individual or family household member.
I'm well respected because I'm a hard worker, dedicated, and a highly motivated individual. However, I believe I might be asking for too much at this point. My oldest sister's agenda and my agenda is not right when you incorporate more things that involve families from our family because I believe it is wrong to a certain degree it would be better if it was someone outside my family members or not have even planned it out to begin with. Things need to happen organically not forcefully or manipulatively because the relationship will not last long term. Sometimes, I don't care and do it because I want things and I do it regardless. My oldest sister and I are thankful for what we currently have because it can all slip away easily.
My newlywed husband Rob agrees with me because he is now married to me and I love my spouse more than anybody else. Rob tells me everything and say things to me because he worries for his family and he loves his mom, but I need to know more things about his family and I have high interest with things from my overseas family.
Their mom is out of the picture because of her illness and she is highly influenced by her current state of mind. She is extremely devoted to religion along with Rob and I. Their dad doesn't care that much, but is still trying to do his best to mediate the situation for what happened before the overseas trip, during the overseas trip, and up until now.
At this point for me, I'm willing to do things because it has some meaning or associated with things I love near to my heart. At this age, I believe you either have high interest or doing it out of love.
Tl;dr: I need help with inputs, opinions, and suggestions from anyone, if what I did was extremely wrong, toxic, or just using them and my family-in-laws. It seems like I'm desperate to bringing one of my sister over because my family overseas is having no luck, so I'm trying to push my luck onto my family overseas. I did give back to my country and gave money I worked(tax free) from the support of his family business overseas. I do naturally want control, obedience, loyalty, and cooperation from the family despite knowing the family in such a small amount of time. Do you think they will think I'm manipulative, by being toxic, harmful, and controlling?
submitted by ThrowRAJillyRoger to relationship_advice [link] [comments]