Sure trac car hauler
Worth pursuing small claim: "friend"/mechanic garage owner offered to help fix car, vehicle ends up flooded on their property and then they cause further body damage from failed towing
2023.06.01 20:55 tianlamian Worth pursuing small claim: "friend"/mechanic garage owner offered to help fix car, vehicle ends up flooded on their property and then they cause further body damage from failed towing
For context, after the ball joint failed initially, my plan was to fix the car and then sell it to pay off its loan. Due to the circumstances below I'm unsure how much I'll be able to sell the car for as it progressively gets into worse condition. Would it be worth pursuing a small claims case to try to recoup the lost value of the vehicle?
- 11/02/2023 - My 2001 IS300 has ball joint failure
- Mechanic garage owne"friend" (referring to as MGO) offers to tow car to their garage and to help with repairs
- MGO pre-diagnoses that the car will need a couple new parts but won't know for sure until putting it on a lift for a full diagnosis
- Week later, request for an update so I know what parts need to be ordered and how much for labor
- MGO estimates $500 but hasn't put it on the lift to check for sure
- 12/18/2023 - visit MGO shop for Christmas party, see car is still not moved
- January MGO messages about having someone interested in purchasing vehicle after it's fixed
- Followed up with asking what parts need to be ordered, offer to come help, MGO 'thumbs up' the message but didn't reply with any information or any update on when they'd look
- 02/04/2023 - friend K goes to MGO shop and offers to look at the car and help MGO move it to diagnose
- MGO tells friend K they'll let K know when they plan to diagnose (implying later the same week), MGO did not mention this directly to me
- 4/20/2023 - City hit with flash flooding, shop is in flood zone, car is completely flooded along with many others
- 4/21/2023 - I go visit to help strip and dry the car - MGO claims shop liability insurance but doesn't cover flooding
- 4/22/2023 - MGO claims plan to drain fluids out of the car(s) to test if the engines still work
- Ended up doing this for a few of the other cars on the property but not with the IS300
- 5/24/2023 - At this point me and K planned to tow the car off MGO property to take it to a different shop since the car had not been worked on/moved since the flood
- 5/28/2023 - Text MGO that K and I were going to pick up the car after I got off work, ask him to set the keys at the shop
- I have a ball joint to get the car moving
- MGO texts me during shift that they will try to get it on the lift (did not reply)
- 2:30 MGO texts me at the end of my shift that the car was moved (did not reply)
- 4:30 - text MGO that K and I are on the way with a tow truck, MGO gives me gate code
- arrive at shop, see car has new body damage since the last time I came to help dry the car
- New body damage includes:
- Front bumper had chain marks, clips were broken off and now unable to reattach straight
- Fender dented
- Passenger front and rear doors had new dents and scuffs
- Previously broken ball joint inside wheel cut through wheel when it was moved by MGO
I have text/group message logs for most of the times I asked for updates and MGO did not reply with a straight answer. I have photos of the car when it got flooded, and then after it was damaged from being moved by MGO.
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2023.06.01 20:52 ZZZLionZ Stuck and need som advice
So I’m 24M and in a tough spot in my life, i’m not making enough money to pay my bills and was in an accident that I believe i could end up liable for and have no car. I’m thinking of jumping into a different line of work I’ve mostly worked at restaurants, i quit a good job i had(bad decision)because i was depressed and sick of it. i ended up at a new place and i’m not even making 2k a month right now, i could ask to move up to make more money but god knows how long that would take and I’ve only been here about a month. I’m thinking of trying to get a construction laborer job or a railroad laborer job just somewhere i can make a good salary and possibly move up amd learn a skill, I don’t really have skills just bartending but i am known for being an extra hard worker, I’m not lazy, my physical abilities is pretty much what i have to offer and my time of course. I was thinking maybe about getting a cdl too I’m just stuck and not sure wich direction to take, it’s hard not having a vehicle right now and my options are limited and I don’t have anyone to fall back on and I don’t want help anyway. Does anyone have advice about getting into a new industry ? I would imagine they look at my resume and see all restaurants and not wanna accept me. How would i go about this and does anyone have any ideas that i could do that i’m not seeing?
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2023.06.01 20:50 xenelz Cheese
Do you reckon they’ll bring back The Ultracheese in this next leg of the tour? I’m seeing them on the 20th and it would truly complete my life if I seen it live. I know they’ve only played it once since The Car was released, but maybe though they could bring it back like some other songs? (also wasnt sure of which flair to use, sorry)
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2023.06.01 20:49 kylebryant150 Am I making a mistake pursuing a lost friendship
I am currently working to regain my friendship with someone after cutting them off 2 months ago.
For context, I (27M) live in the United States and was friends with this person (24F) who live in the United Kingdom. We met off of the app Whisper 3 years ago when we were both going through some troubling times in our relationship. In the beginning we were only scarcely talking due to the distance and time. But then after a week or two of chatting we got into a rhythm and began talking more and more. This went on for 3 months and in that time we developed feeling, contemplated meeting up after CoVID and possible dating. Well one day that idea was dropped when she decide to return to her ex. I supported her and moved on with my life. We stayed friends however and talk everyday for 3 years.
Well fast forward some time. It has finally come to the opportunity to meet in person. I board my flight, which was hell to get on due to a booking mistake that nearly had me not on it. Flew there and met here. A whole bunch of unfortunate things happened that cause our initial meet up to go sour. Popped two tires, the whole flight thing, and my hotel was shit. But nevertheless I was out there and wanted to spend time with my "best friend". I will definition myself as extroverted and her as introverted. And I can definitely say that I pushed my personality a bit much but only to mask my frustration from all the terrible crap that happened so far.
Well time went by, we got the car fixed and i was on my way home. Barely spent anytime with her beside 4 hours maybe. But i was happy enough. After the trip was over I came back home and resumed my life. Messaged her like normal and everything. But notice she was being distant. Chalked it up to nothing, but then I saw the gift I got her on Facebook for sale. Confronted her about it and she gave a half-ass excuse. Then she became even more distant, Confronted her on this and she states she wants to be more in the present with those around her mainly because she was now pregnant, which i knew. Was the first person she told. Was upset but just asked she try and not push me out. But then I saw that she blocked me on Facebook. Confronted her on that now very pissed and she said it's nothing. Clearly it was and I, who is very pissed yelled how she is clearly ending the friendship but I a disrespectful way. Well I cut all communications between us one night. Blocked on all socials and phone. Deleted her photos and put her gift in my attic. Haven't chatted in 2 months.
Present day; I bought her a gift off of her Amazon wishlist with the tag saying to add baby stuff she wants to her wish list. I want to go back to talking to her but at the same time I'm not sure if I should. My wife thinks I'm to nice and should just drop her bur also understand why I don't want to. I am married with a child too. Should I continue my pursuit for that friendship or leave it be.
Side note she did come off of hormonal birth control she has been taking for like 10yrs 2 months prior to our falling out. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt as I know that has a major effect on women's body and mind.
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2023.06.01 20:49 Proper_Tea8445 Seeking honest feedback on the opening scene of my speculative novel.
June 12, 2036, Franklin, North Carolina
I walked through the front yard to the front door. I dropped my duffel bags on the porch and stepped up to the front door and knocked. Mom answered with surprise and worry on her face.
'Oliver? What are you doing here?' she hugged me as I stepped across the threshold. Winston, sniffed my legs wagging his tail in excitement. 'Long story, Mom, I’m out of the Army, for good.' she nodded but didn’t ask any further questions. We moved into the kitchen and sat at the table to drink mugs of strong coffee. 'Do you want to tell me what happened?' she asked. 'Things went sideways,' I said. I realized I wasn't ready to talk about it just yet. 'I thought I could try and start up Dad’s welding business. I was always good at it, and I think I could drum up his old clients and stay busy with some work.' 'Well, it would be nice to have you around, honey. You’ll need to look through all his business paperwork and get caught up on all that.' I nodded, 'We have time. I want to ensure I’m doing it right.' 'I understand, Ollie,' she said and smiled, 'let's go to the diner tonight, my treat.' 'I could go for some peach cobbler and ice cream. Sure, Mom sounds perfect,' I said, and we rose. I went to the guest room and changed out of the clothes I had spent the last 22 hours traveling in. I grabbed the truck keys, and Winston followed us down the hallway to the front door. 'Hold down the fort, Winston,' he wagged his tail in response. 'You want to drive?' Mom asked. 'I haven't had a chance to drive around Franklin in a long time,' I said, and Mom climbed into the passenger seat of the Tesla. Mom turned the radio to a classic rock station as I backed out of the driveway. I drove along the winding asphalt road to town. 'Hope it isn't too packed, it is Friday night,' Mom said. 'I'm sure we'll be ok; it's still early enough. I bet we beat the dinner rush.' J's Diner was the only diner in town and could fill up quickly. I passed the large, green, metal sign welcoming drivers to Franklin, and approached the historic square of town. I made a couple of left turns to the diner's street parking and came to a stop. There were only two other cars. 'See, Mom, I think we'll get our cobbler pretty quick,' I said. I walked just behind her; the jingle of a bell announced our entrance. 'Just seat yourself; I'll be right with you,' a female voice called from behind a counter in the kitchen. 'Ok, thanks,' Mom answered. We found a booth in the back corner of the small, red and white decorated restaurant. It had a 1950's theme and even a tiny 1957 Chevy hung from the ceiling. A waitress came around the front counter, her brown, hair in a messy bun and two menus in her hands. 'Here you are, Mrs. Banks,' she said, setting the menus before us. 'Can I get you two anything other than water?' She looked at my face and froze, 'Oliver, is that you?' 'Lacy?' I asked, now understanding why her voice sounded so familiar. 'I didn't know you were back in Franklin,' she said, smiling. I also noticed a large grin on Mom from her side of the table. 'Just got back, actually, a few hours ago.' I explained. 'Done seeing the world?' She said, her hands in the front of her apron, she sounded genuinely curious. 'You could say that,' I said. Lacy seemed unable to think of another question for me. 'Sorry, umm, just waters?' she shook her head. 'Waters are fine, sweety,' Mom answered, glancing between the two of us. Did Mom think this was actually going to work? 'No problem, I'll be right back,' and Lacy walked off. 'Don't be so weird, Mom,' I said, and she just shrugged her shoulders innocently. Our phones on the table between us began to flash and buzz loudly. I picked mine up and read the Alert Message, it read. ***THE NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION HAS DETECTED AN IMMINENT ELECTRO-MAGNETIC SPACE THREAT TO PLANET EARTH. A SOLAR FLARE-GENERATED WALL OF SPACE WEATHER WILL IMPACT EARTH IN APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. IF YOU ARE INDOORS, STAY INDOORS. IF YOU ARE OUTDOORS, SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER IN A BUILDING. REMAIN INDOORS, WELL AWAY FROM WINDOWS. IF YOU ARE DRIVING, PULL SAFELY TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND SEEK SHELTER IN A BUILDING OR LAY ON THE FLOOR. WE WILL ANNOUNCE WHEN THE THREAT HAS ENDED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. TAKE IMMEDIATE ACTION MEASURES.*** 'What the hell does that mean?' Mom asked, jerking her head up to look at me, panic creeping into her features. 'The message said five minutes, assuming there was a good flash to bang from the message being created and sent out,' I said. Suddenly, our phones’ screens flashed white and winked out, going black. The diner's lights began to flicker on and off until they dimmed too. 'We have to get out of here, Mom,' I said, sliding out of the booth. 'Ollie, what's happening?' she asked, following me. 'We have to get home, now,' I grabbed her elbow and began to steer her to the exit. I opened the door, and we stepped out onto the sidewalk. The early evening sky was streaked with green and purple ribbons of bright, glowing light. The northern lights were flashing and strobing over Franklin. It was beautiful and terrifying. Mom muttered something under her breath at my side, but I couldn't hear. The streetlights, had just started to turn on for sunset, flashed and remained off. All the stoplights around the town square shut off. Cars were strewn about the streets, people stood next to them, staring at their phones, and fear on everyone's face. Off to the south, a loud rushing of air could be heard. I stepped out onto the street to get a better look. A large commercial airliner jet was careening out of the sky directly at the center of town. 'Mom, get down,' I yelled, throwing her to the ground and covering her with my body. The explosion as the jet crashed into the northern edge of town was deafening. The earth shook, windows around us shattered and glass struck the asphalt and concrete nearby. I remained lying over Mom until the roar of the blast faded. I stood and stared north. A giant ball of flame still rose into the sky, visible over the three-story buildings of the town. 'Oh my god, those people,' Mom gasped, 'we have to help.' 'They can't be helped,' I said. The text message and what was happening before my eyes started to fit together in my mind like a puzzle. Suddenly Buddha, was standing by me just a couple of feet away. He looked real, solid, his good eye catching mine. 'You have to get your Mom home, Stone,' Buddha said, 'this place is about to turn into a freaking madhouse, and you know it.' He was right, no matter how weird the conversation with my old mentor was. 'Come on, Mom, we can't stay here. We have to get home to the cellar and hold up,' I said. I climbed into the pickup and Mom got in the passenger seat. I hit the push start, but nothing happened. It was dead. 'We have to walk,' I said, 'Come on, Mom, it's only a few miles.' I got out of the truck and helped Mom out of her side. She stared at the streaks of northern lights, waiting for another jet to plummet down on top of us. We walked the sidewalk to US 56, the highway that would take us out of town to the homestead. We turned and began the upward climb out of the shallow valley Franklin sat in the bottom of. We summited the last hill, longer and steeper than the first couple we had climbed. 'Stop, catch your breath Mom,' I said. She had done well. Mom was fit for a woman in her mid-fifties but the adrenaline was starting to wear off. She turned and looked back down the valley toward town and gasped. The whole northern half of town appeared to be on fire. 'The whole town is burning,' she said. Her voice reminded me of shell-shocked soldiers I had seen. 'Main Street and Garfield should keep the fire contained to those current blocks, I think,' I said. I hope it saves the grocery and hardware store. This isn't going to be wrapped up and back to normal anytime soon. At 2100 hours, we turned up the driveway and back to the house. We entered the front door and checked each room in the house. The power was off in every room. I lit a fire in the living room fireplace, and we sat in silence. Winston hadn't calmed since we entered, continuously trying to climb into our laps for comfort. Mom eventually let him onto the couch, and he laid his head on her lap. 'Ollie, did you understand the message?' she asked, still looking into the fire and stroking Winston's head. 'Just from some basic space weather information I hear in briefs,' I said. 'Space weather changes based on the Sun, what kind of radiation is coming off the Sun's surface and hitting the Earth at any given time. The message said a flair, so the Sun must have blasted a huge amount of radiation at a given time, and it fried everything.' 'So, when does it all come back on?' she asked. 'Hard to say, if it hit the whole country,' I paused,' then it doesn't.' 'God help us,' Mom breathed.
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2023.06.01 20:42 uppermosteN Parking ticket in Limassol
Not sure if this is the right place to post this but like the title says, we got a parking ticket few days ago on our rental (on Monday more exactly) but we left Limassol.
We got the ticket so early in the morning that we didn't even wake up to get to the car and I have a few questions.
The fare is 100€, we read somewhere here that it should've been 8€ and raising if not paid. Is this true?
It says on the ticket that we have to pay it in person at the Municipality. No other way to pay it than to go back to Limassol and pay in person?
Last question would be if we can do anything to avoid the fare? We paid for other parking intervals but we didn't expect to be charged so early in the morning before leaving.
Help a fella out!
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2023.06.01 20:42 FollowingDue2631 Wide back flat foot long face illiterate ass hoe ! I can’t stand her !
2023.06.01 20:41 BigCityShawn How do you deal with the lack of ethics in the auto industry?
Not to sound naive. Im still relatively new to the industry. I’ve worked at a few shops but now I’m working at a dealership as a tech. I transferred from being a community organizer to working on cars a few years ago.
The sheer lack of ethics is astounding to me. From purposefully braking cars to get paid to fix them. Upselling people, who are very likely low income, on large repairs they don’t really need. Half assing the lesser services that are paid for.
The sheer amount of waste that is produced in my shop alone is so large it strikes me as massively inefficient. From, what I can gather is less than proper disposal, to the pile of slightly used control arms and other components in the dump because the bushings have some superficial tears on the top. Only getting replaced because “the professionals” are saying it needs to get fixed or else your car is gunna blow up.
I can’t imagine the environmental impact the whole industry has.
I like my coworkers and try to talk with them about these issues but I’m met with apathy. It’s either “well it’s not your problem so don’t worry about it” or cynicism “you have to be heartless. It’s money in your pocket.” I know the reputation that the industry has but the head-in-the-ground mentality of refusing to look at any sort of bigger picture bothers me.
I try and do my part to make sure the work the customer paid for is taken care of but it’s not a “are you heartless enough for the industry” question. What do we do about this? Most of us don’t even have unions anymore to voice these concerns or represent us without fear of retaliation because there’s probably going to be money involved in any significant change.
What can we do to make some sort of small changes to move the ball in the right direction to make the industry a better place?
TLDR: damn bro why is this industry so shady and what can us techs, sitting at the point of production, do about it?
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2023.06.01 20:37 Grand-Performance968 Husband won't let me visit friend.
So, I have a very dear friend that I went to high school with coming to the city next to where I live, and she asked if I wanted to split a hotel with her and just hang out for a couple of days before she leaves. I of course had to ask my husband, since I'm unable to work due to health and watching our son while he sleeps and goes out with his friends.
Every weekend he goes out with his friends to play warhammer while I'm stuck at home watching our son. I'm not allowed to go anywhere without him, and if I want to he threatens to take my debit card away.
When I asked if I could do this with my friend he immediately said no, he didn't want to pay for a hotel for someone else, even though I told him he wasn't, and I was just paying my half, which would probably be around 60-100$. Still he said no and told me to get out of his office.
I'm lost on what to do, I feel trapped in my own home, I don't have keys to my own house, or to the car. If I even think about leaving he tells me he will be sure to take my son away and I won't get custody.
Am I wrong for wanting just two days out of the entire year to myself and a friend (A female friend at that) that I miss and went to school with? Especially when he goes out every weekend with his friends, and even takes long trips to cities hours / days away with them for games.
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2023.06.01 20:36 Sweaty_Assignment659 Failed engine
Not sure how to explain the situation. Yesterday my car broke down on the highway. I was going about 70 on the highway when it started to overheat out of nowhere. (My car has never showed any signs of distress.) Then it began to tell me that the battery was disconnected and it started to slow down. When I got to the shoulder of the highway it began to power off on its own. There was grayish smoke coming out of the tail pipe.
Some background info: I just got this car in February, it's a used 2016 Toyota Rav4. Had 2 previous owners, didn't even have 90,000 miles on it.( No warenty because i felt that i could not guarentte i would be in the state for very long as i am still in college and may transfer to another state. A condition of the warranty was that I could only use their services for any maintenance and the warrenty would be void if i did go to another service shop.) Got a decent price for it, or at least I thought so. (I was able to get the price down a thous because of paint chips on the back of the car.) I bought the car from a reputable dealership that is quite popular in my county. When I purchased the car I was told that everything was in working condition and was up to date on all the maintenance, keep this in mind.
When I got the dealership we waited for about an hour and a half to see what was going on. I was told that the serpentine belt had shredded. The mechanic tried to see if there was a external cause, there was not. A half hour later, I was told that my engine overheated so much that the engine failed completely. They quoted me a price of about 9,000 usd for repairs and service fees. Not much later the receptionist helping me with the price told me she spoke with her manager. Given that I bought my car from them, not even 3 months prior, they would discount the price down to 7,000 usd. (Not great, but I guess thats better.) I was told they cannot discount parts but can discount service fees.
I have only owned this car for a little more than 3 months. There is no way that in that time I could've damaged the serpentine belt to such an extent that it would cause complete engine failure. When I bought the car I was told there was no defects and that the maintenance was completely up to date. My dad said I could probably sue them for the misleading information which lead to the damage of the engine. My boss, who's father used to work for dealerships, told me given that I was mislead to believe the car was in perfect condition I can escalate the situation to their corporate office and sue.
Do I have enough of a case to sue? What are some of my other options?
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2023.06.01 20:36 KanishkT123 Prius Buying Guide?
Is there a guide for someone looking to buy a used Prius?
My options are a 2017 Prius 4 ($13K) vs a 2018 Prius 2 ($18K) vs a 2018 Prius 4 (19K). I haven't checked them out at any dealers yet, because we live a little far away and getting there is a pain. Regardless, they have clean histories, Carfax guarantees, etc.
I'm just not sure what to be looking out for. The model names are a little confusing for someone looking to buy their first car?
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2023.06.01 20:35 md525x Anyone know how to clear this message/what’s the fix?
| || |
Last night, I added the VW Car Net Complimentary Safe & Secure plan on the app. When I went to start my car about an hour later I got this message, as well as an SOS logo on my dash. submitted by md525x to Arteon [link] [comments]
I just had my car serviced a week ago, so I know there’s nothing wrong with my car, and pretty sure this is related to me adding that plan yesterday. My SOS button has a red light, I hit the call button and canceled it but nothing happened. I called again, and told them it wasn’t an emergency but this is what I’m seeing on my screen. They said no worries, when i hang up it should clear. It hasn’t.
I took my car to VW today thinking maybe something just needed to be reset but they said they’d need to run a while diagnostic and I would need to drop my car off next week and I’d get a loaner as they were currently out.
Really trying to avoid wasting my time if anyone knows any other troubleshooting options to clear this. Thanks!
2023.06.01 20:34 InsectsBugMe Should I fix it before sale or sell it as it is
I am the owner of the Mercedes Benz c280 from 1996 with 181,000 miles on it and am having a dilemma whether or not I should fix it before putting it on the market. There are quite a few things wrong with it, and the main one being the computer that is not responding. After going to a few mechanics I’ve been told that the cost to fix it will be somewhere between $400-$600 (USD). Additionally, if I want to fix the rest of it it would cost additional $500.
If I am about to sell it, I don’t know what approach to have with a potential buyer. Telling them everything that’s going on seems the most ethical, but again with the dashboard not working properly I don’t know if I can get much money out of it since people will not be sure about the mileage of the car.
Can you give me an advice on what is the best thing to do here? Thanks!
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2023.06.01 20:34 Morphang 2013 Cadillac SRX - Need help finding the proper headlight frame assembly to swap from Halogen to HID/LED bulbs.
I recently obtained a 2013 Cadillac SRX as a gift, and so far I've really been enjoying the vehicle. The problem is that apparently back in 2019 or 2020, GM did a recall on these models of SRX's regarding the headlights being faulty (frame wasn't sealed correctly, moisture got in and ruined headlights) and so driving at night is borderline impossible because of how dim the lighting is.
After doing some research, the solution seems to be that I need to replace the entire headlight assembly frame to one that supports HID/LED bulbs and that's the only way to solve it because the standard frames are all junk. I have no problem replacing that, but I'm struggling to find a good place to purchase something like this.
I've looked around online, but my problem is that I'm smart enough to be able to do the work (shoutout youtube for keeping my car out of the shop my entire life) but not quite smart enough to be 100% sure I'm doing something right and don't end up accidentally wasting my money.
Does anybody have any experience or advice with this particular replacement, or maybe know where I can get one of the frames that I need?
EDIT; Somebody pointed out why I didn't just get the swap done with the recall.
The recall period lasted for six months, and all they did was put a brand new head light assembly frame that has the exact same issues right back in to it. There was actually a class action lawsuit against GM because they failed to notify like 95% of customers who had the vehicle but that got dismissed so basically GM fucked everybody on that and got away with it.
I don't mind paying out of pocket and doing the work myself (like I do for everything mechanic related) but I want to make sure I'm understanding this right and buying the right frame is the end all be all goal here.
I called GM and asked about a replacement and they quoted me $2000 to replace the head light frame with the exact same assembly that's faulty in the first place, so no shot am I doing that. If I'm looking at the right frames, I'm looking to spend probably $600 to $800 on the new frame and doing the work myself, so that's the route I'm planning to go.
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2023.06.01 20:33 MASunderc0ver Can I expense my Employer for a Breakdown?
This is a hopeful one.
My car broke down while using it for work. It was a journey I claim for so is definitely considered a "Business Journey".
Can I expense any of the break down to my employer as it happened on a company journey.
I'm sure the answer is no but I thought some one might be able to clarify the rules around this as I couldn't see anything online about it.
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2023.06.01 20:31 sleepy_dyke_ Waiting for someone who may never be ready? (or want it?)
TLDR (first because this is a long one); I want to wait for someone who doesn't have the physical/mental capacity right now (and may never have the capacity) for a romantic relationship but I'm not sure if that's a good thing for me to do to myself any longer. Also, they might not even want me anymore haha.
I (she/her) just turned 22. The person I'm in love with is 23 (she/her). We met while I was living in her city but now I'm back home about 9ish hours away by car.
We dated briefly. I kinda ruined things by having alot of anxiety over being long distance once I would move back/continue traveling to new cities and being in an open relationship. My anxiety was caused by two things, 1) never being in something non-monogamous before and reckoning with my own ideas of what a relationship I am in should look like and 2) she once said something like "ideally, I could just have you to myself". That second one really got into my head. Now we are not dating but I've made it pretty obvious that my feelings haven't changed and while she hasn't told me to pull it back, she has not demonstrated a desire to return them.
I'm young and I plan to travel as much as I can in the near future. I like sex and I want to explore with different people and situations. She is mostly ace and has said before she wanted me to have the option to have my needs met with other people because she can't be expected to meet them. I think I could get used to being with other people and not be guilty about it, but the idea of not being exactly what she wants in a partner makes me think twice.
This is someone I could see myself building a life with. I love her and she is so patient with me despite having an exhausting life. When she has the energy she's really good at being a loving person. She has a ton of medical and disabilty stuff that makes day to day functioning incredibly hard. I really don't know how she does it and manages to still be around idiots like me. Granted, she rarely has the energy to put up with me, which is another thing that is hard to swallow and I feel guilty about wanting to be different.
I've gotten better and also it's been a trial by fire for my anxious attatchment issues haha, but I have to be careful not to message too much or ask to see her because it puts pressure on her to give more than she usually has. I want someone who I can call on the phone (which I've asked for but has never worked out) and plan weekend trips to see. I feel incredibly needy and sometimes I question if I'm just too much or if I'm being selfish. I've seen how consuming her disabilities can be and yet I'm over here feeling sorry for myself because she doesn't always reply back within 12 hours.
I don't know if there will ever be a right time for us. I don't know if I settle down and get a stable career and a permanant place to live and a better car and decide I don't need to explore more sexually, if she will want to be with me more. I want to want to move on. But no one else is her.
There have been alot of people in her life who have left her behind and she's told me that it's hard to love and trust because of that. I'm afraid of losing the chance of being with her because if I start seeing other people or someone else romantically, not just casually, she'll think that I don't want her or she wasn't enough. But I do want her. And I can wait as long as she wants if I just knew she wanted me. I don't even need the promise of a right time, because neither of us know if that's ever going to happen. I just want her to want me enough to ask. I have this idea in my head that if i find someone else, even a poly thing, any trust she has left in me will be broken. I don't want to be another person that becomes just a friend and finds their person while she just looks on wishing things had been different and she didn't have things making her life so much more complicated and difficult than most people. It's not fair. I would do anything to make her life easier, even remove myself from it entirely if that's what she wanted.
She can't give me what I want right now. What I need I guess. I can deal with the sexual part, but the lack of emotional and romantic attention really makes me feel like something is missing. And it hurts. I love her so much and just want to be with her. The last time I saw her in person it was for only part of the day and I was just so grateful to be there with her and get to hug her. I wanted to ask to kiss her but knew it was a bad idea.
I wish I could ask her about all this, but it's too much right now and I'm scared of losing her altogether because I'm bringing stress to her life. If it wasn't for the medical issues I would just ask. I'm not a shy person and I need clear communication. Once, when we were more involved, I wrote her a really intense love lettemessage and she told me it was too much and she felt extremely emotionally pressured. Now I'm terrified to try and clarify anything because she may just say I'm too much for her and she needs to take care of herself first and foremost and cut me off. I want her to take care of herself and I respect her so much for knowing where to put her energy.
I just wish I could be more apart of her life, ya know? I don't need much, just a little reassurance know and then without having to ask for it. I just want to be there and know I'm important to her. It's hard to feel that way when I feel like a burden for just asking her how her day is. If she told me to wait, I would wait as long as she needed. I don't think she will ever ask and at this point im not sure if she even wants me anymore. Reading this back makes me feel crazy, but honestly she really does give just enough to give me hope.
What the fuck do I do? I don't want to lose her but I'm really hurting by being in love with someone who can't return it right now. And what if I start dating someone else and these feelings are still so strong? Is that even an honest thing to do to a new person?
Sorry this is so long. It's all I've been thinking about for about two months now. I'm tired. I just want to be loved and be able to give my love freely. I have always felt like too much and it's funny because I was just starting to get over that and now it's like no, your baseline is literally too much for this person haha.
Thank you for listening <3 if you have any advice, I would be very thankful to hear it. I'm a mess, I know.
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to actuallesbians [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 20:30 joanaceddia SD buying me car, how to handle credit inquiry?
I want a car in my own name and to build my credit score. I’m 19 and have no credit history & don’t work. My SD is 44 and married. He’s very cautious in making sure she doesn’t find out. So I need as much info in order to make him do it.
If I use him as a guarantor will it show on his credit inquiry (will his wife be able to find out about it?). He won’t make any payments from his side, he’d give me the money to pay it myself.
Any info & advice would be helpful. Thankss!
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to SugarBABYonlyforum [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 20:29 Geezer_Flip AITA for refusing to bring food to someone else’s BBQ that I got invited to?
Context: I (M29) and my fiancé (F28) were invited to a friends BBQ last week. This isn’t the first time we’ve been invited round this is the 3rd. The first two times (let’s call her Lexie) Lexie rang my fiancé and said ‘just bring some food for the BBQ’. Ok cool I thought, bring some burgers, sausages nothing to fancy. So we turn up and Lexie & her family (x2 daughters & partner) are all there, BBQ fired up but nothing on it? So turns out I was the one supplying the food for everyone as they were hosting (I don’t think this is normal, not from my upbringing anyway). I did have enough food to go around, wasn’t a incredible BBQ though.
Second time, same conversation this time I took a little bit less as we only got back from lunch a couple hours prior to this event as it was slightly last minute. They all looked disappointed I hadn’t taken as much food as previously, not really my problem and I only had one burger so they could have more food between them.
Here’s my biggest problem, last week the usual happens so we go to the BBQ, however, I refused to bring any food as I genuinely believe they should at least put out some crisps or something, I know they are hosting but surely this isn’t normal. Upon them all discovery I didn’t bring any food, the atmosphere changed and Lexie suggested ‘we’ go to the shop to pick some stuff up, I said ‘no problem, I’ll drive and come with you’. We get the food, which she has picked out all the expensive meats, rolls, crisps etc, when we arrive at the till to buy the items she looks at me to pay? I refused, car journey back to their house was awkward and I left with my partner immediately.
My fiancé thinks I’m right but also could of bitten the bullet and then just said we’re busy for any future invites, I disagree and believe I did the right thing by informing them that this isn’t normal cultural (for me anyway)
AITA for how I acted?
(London, UK) for context on the area
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to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 20:29 thrwaway8483928 Anybody else get ringing in the ears after driving?
I don’t even have my radio on. I drive in complete silence and I never notice it ringing until I get home and I’m sitting in the car for awhile. I’m not sure if it’s always ringing and I’m just too busy to notice or what, but once I’m in the driveway and I’m not rushing out and I just relax in the car I notice it. It does down after about 5-10 minutes….What’s that about? Anybody else experience this? No I do not have any ear issues.
submitted by thrwaway8483928
to Psychic [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 20:28 No-Perception-2128 Is it better to do interview in a car or drive back and forth to home?
I have an interview next week over google meet but I have no where to actually have it. Currently, I’m working for a company and trying to find a different job without them being aware of it (very long story). The issue is my interview is during the hour after my lunch break. At first I was going to do the interview in my car, but then I realized I can’t really do it in the parking lot of my work. Then, my solution was gonna be to drive to my apartment during my lunch break, but it’s a 45 min commute and if I do that I will have to drive back to work after it. I’m not really sure what the better option is. They both suck but I can’t do anything about the interview time and I need to ace it.
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to careerguidance [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 20:25 jarchie505 The mystery of Hello You - will it ever make a live set?
When The Car was released, I felt Hello You was straight away the catchiest and most accessible song (along with Body Paint), absolutely clicked with me on the first listen. Over seven months since the album came out and still find myself going back to it repeatedly – and I'm sure plenty feel the same. It's a real gem from start to finish with the awesome percussion, the insanely catchy riff, and that epic crescendo and outro. The whole thing is a perfect encapsulation of what makes them great.
But the band have been touring for around 10 months now and it remains one of only two of the new tracks (along with Jet Skis) not to be played live. I get that it's not the most straightforward song, and the strings play a really key part on the studio version, but I'm amazed that they haven't yet incorporated it into their live sets. Especially considering they've played some of the more low key tracks from The Car like Perfect Sense, Mr Schwartz (albeit only once) and the title track. Feels like it would be such a crowd pleaser, as it bridges the transition brilliantly between their older and newer material.
We've seen plenty of surprises this tour with the likes of Flourescent Adolescent and Mardy Bum returning from the wilderness, so I suppose there's still a chance with plenty more gigs to come...but I'm starting to wonder whether Hello You will remain on the shelf as one of those tracks we never get to hear live.
Any thoughts? Still hopeful that this masterpiece will see the light of day eventually?
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to arcticmonkeys [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 20:24 Superwholock4ham Hey dad, I need help buying a car
My (22f) first car (2008 Honda Fit) is now at the point I can no longer drive it. I’m in the market for a “new” used car, but I’m terrified. I am a small 5’2” girl with a queer partner the same size and I’m worried about how the dealers will act. I’m nervous I’m going to be manipulated, overcharged, and belittled, because I don’t have someone like a dad to go there with me. Any advice for going to a dealership for the first time? For maintaining boundaries with dealerships and making sure I get a solid deal? Thanks in advance ❤️
submitted by Superwholock4ham
to DadForAMinute [link] [comments]