Lots of people growing up knowing exactly what they want to do. Some people love computers and pick up programming as a hobby and those kids 10 years ago are probably software engineers at some tech company in California today. Some people knew they wanted to join the military and follow in their father's footsteps, I know several people who went to a military academy and now they're 6 to 8 years into their career as an officer making bank and seeing the world. Some people are good at music, some at acting, some are good at art. They all have these niche little areas they're good at that they can work towards to hit it big.
I have nothing. I'm not good at math, computers, programming, science. I wasn't strong willed enough to do the military. I wasn't a high enough achiever to get into some good ivy league school and become a respected lawyer or scientist. I'm not good with people and can't do sales or management. I'm not good at arts or music and will never be in a band or make art that people would actually pay money for. I feel like a dumb kid that's not good at everything, and everyone else around me is an adult that actually knows how to do these jobs and make things work.
I just don't have anything. And I don't know what to do with my life anymore. The world is too competitive and I just don't fit in. My health is failing, I'm poor, I still live with my parents in my 30's. I'm just so tired man. I wish I were never born, this who living thing is too goddamn tough for me.

Wande Magazine: How does it feel being Kashmir’s greatest living poet? (he has died since then)

Rehman Rahi: To say this myself would not be appropriate. Whatever people may think of me, I respect it. I have only ever attempted something feeble and small. Poetry was God’s gift to me. All my life, I have campaigned for the Kashmiri language. So when people recognise my work, it obviously makes me happy. I ask myself, ‘Is this really true?’ Those who have said this about me are well-known literary figures, so one feels they must be speaking the truth (laughs).
My single-minded effort has been to raise the standard of the Kashmiri language so that it achieves a status on par with the great languages of the world in which literature is written; to bring it to the notice of the world’s great writers so that they know what’s happening with this language.
It is God's blessing that verses and poems came to me that people have appreciated. If people didn’t appreciate my poetry, they wouldn’t have translated it. A lot of my poetry has been translated and it has gotten me recognition. When I meet people at different places who show respect for me and my work, I feel I must have done something good (smiles).

Are you disappointed that Kashmiris don’t sufficiently value their poets? As a poet, what do you desire from your community?

I want readers for Kashmiri poetry. I write poetry and it gets published but then someone should read it. There should be readers of Kashmiri poetry. Only after reading it can someone make an opinion about whether it is good or bad poetry. Or whether the poet is writing in the old traditional way or the modern or whether the poet is representing his people and society in his poetry. This can only be known and understood once someone reads it.
I feel very sad that there are not many readers of the Kashmiri language. It’s terribly sad. Earlier, not many books were published in Kashmiri, till even Mehjoor’s time. In his time, sixteen-page poetry pamphlets used to be published. These were not books or collections of poems. Today, almost every day there is a new collection of poetry and it’s brought out in a very professional manner. However, there are very few readers. Those who purchase books are different. Serious readers are different. Even if you lend someone a book, it’s not expected that they would read it. The one main reason for this is that the new generation of Kashmiris—those in schools, colleges and universities (who are the future readers) don’t have much of an inclination towards the Kashmiri language. They have not been taught and trained in this language. It’s not really their fault. There is no such culture in their homes, or in our schools or in society. Kashmiri language and those who speak it are looked down upon. People feel proud to speak in Urdu and other languages even if they don't speak those well. I feel really sad. Our recognition and the recognition of the Kashmiri language should come from young people.
If there are no readers for Kashmiri poetry, what is the fun of writing poetry?
There is a small minority of people, even some youngsters who show a lot of interest in Kashmiri poetry, but their number is very small. Looking at them one gets happy. There is hope that maybe in future the number of these people would increase.
A modest movement for the Kashmiri language is underway for which some organizations like Adbi Markaz Kamraz are specially working. Many others are working towards this end. If they succeed in their efforts, more people might get interested in the Kashmiri language.

Why don't major and influential poets like you participate in Kashmir’s intellectual and political discourse?

Kashmir has no real tradition of what you call political poetry. There are bits and pieces of political poetry in Sheikh ul Alam’s work which speak about the times he lived in. Majorly, it is Sufi poetry which has dominated the Kashmiri literary landscape. Sufi poetry is metaphysical and doesn’t have much to do with the affairs of this world. This is one main reason why poets haven’t been part of the political discourse.
However, it is not entirely true that we [poets] don’t participate at all. Recently, I participated in a political rally. It’s not necessary to mention where. A leader at the rally complained that Kashmiri poets aren't part of the political discourse. In response, I read a nazm there. They were surprised to hear the nazm in which I had talked about the Kashmiri struggle at length. The nazm is called Khak e Karbala.
Since 1947 onwards, many poets in Kashmir have written about the contemporary times they were living in and about their political and social realities. A lot has been written. I have also written at length. Now when people don’t read, what can I do about it? It then seems we haven’t written anything.
Poets don’t participate in protest demonstrations and rallies. But whenever we felt it was necessary to participate, we participated without hesitation, especially for the [promotion] Kashmiri language for which we have held demonstrations for weeks altogether in Pratap Park [Lal Chowk, Srinagar]. Men and women participated in that demonstration and we sat there for a week. The result [of that demonstration] was that the Kashmiri language was introduced in primary classes at schools.
We also have to look at the peculiarities of different eras in Kashmir. Mehjoor and Azad were political poets and Dina Nath Nadim was in and out a political poet. Mehjoor and Azad are among the first poets who represented Kashmir’s political reality in their poems. Mehjoor showed the Kashmiri people their history. He showed that we [Kashmiris] are not a small people and that we possess a rich history in our cultural and political past. He offered Kashmiris their history and invoked us to rise. After 1947, there was a concerted effort to elevate the Kashmiri language through the inclusion of other genres of literature, which weren't part of the Kashmiri language before such as short stories, essays, novels and literary criticism.
In contemporary times, we have Zareef Ahmad Zareef whose entire poetry is political and many others like Amin Kamil have written at length about the politics of this place, especially after 1947 which we now call resistance poetry.
I have also tried my hand at resistance poetry. But as I said, there is only one handicap, which is that there are very few readers available. If there are readers of Kashmiri, this language will survive. If there are no readers, it will die. It is said, that every day in the world there are languages which die as there are no speakers. If the same happens with Kashmir, then what is Rehman Rahi, Dina Nath Nadim or Mehjoor?
We have also witnessed a massive change in social and political times. In the past, if you would have asked Sheikh ul Alam or Shams Faqir to write or comment on political times, they wouldn’t have been able to do it. There was no such culture in those times. They used to speak or write about an otherworldly metaphysical world.
The present times are different. The present times are very political in nature. We live in a very political world.

Are you worried about the future of the Kashmiri language and poetry?

I am worried but not sad because new writers are being born in Kashmir. We have a handful of serious readers who read Kashmiri literature and then comment and write about it. Many books have appeared critiquing and appreciating the work of poets like me. These bunch of people have realized that writing in Kashmiri is a serious affair and should be taken seriously unlike our children in schools and colleges who pay no attention and consider Kashmiri literature not worthy of their interest and attention.
If only Kashmiri people would realize how rich our language is, we will work for it day and night. The Kashmiri language has great potential. I have never been disappointed by the Kashmiri language. It’s not restrictive language. At times while writing poetry, there would be challenges such as there was no word available in Persian, Sanskrit, Urdu or even Kashmiri but such is the nature of the Kashmir language that I could make new words, which were later accepted and appreciated.
If the Kashmiri nation has to truly survive, it will only survive through the Kashmiri language. Otherwise Kashmiri nation will be a soulless nation.
Is there anyone among the younger crop of Kashmiri poets who you think holds promise?
There are many. They aren’t young poets, but they are my younger contemporaries. Rafiq Raaz is an excellent poet. There are limitations with his oeuvre, of course, but he is a genuine poet who will contribute a great deal to Kashmiri literature. There are limitations to his poetry because he gets too concerned about the technicalities and restricts himself.
I have written a verse about Rafiq Raaz in one of my books.
Rafiq Raaz chu muchraan tilismii khanan barr Sarood khan chiss sormi nazar ti khamosh hi
There is Shafi Shauq, who has been a professor at the University of Kashmir. Shad Ramzan is another fine poet. Shahnaz Rashid is another promising poet.
Shahnaz Rashid writes both ghazals and nazms. He didn’t write nazms but I encouraged him and he wrote some brilliant nazms. Ghulam Rasool Josh from Charar-e-Sharief is another excellent poet.
There are excellent poetesses as well such as Ruksana Jabeen and Naseem Shafaie. While Jabeen writes in both Kashmiri and Urdu, Shafaie writes in Kashmiri alone. Shafaie has received an award from the Sahitya Academy.
Kashmiris have produced great poetry because they have faced oppression. Sufi poetry, in fact, was a response to the deplorable conditions of our people. Today, there are only a few genuine Sufi poets in Kashmir.

How do you see the rise of BJP? What does it portend for Kashmir?

There is always a reason to worry when men of narrow thought come to power. They might think they are right in themselves, but they are not. Take Modi for instance. He is a Hindutva man and he might think Hindutva is a great philosophy. To an extent, it is fine if he or other Indians feel Hindutva gives them some historical identity and they have some sort of past to live up to. It becomes problematic when they adopt a narrow vision of politics. If we don’t accept the narrow politics of some Muslim leaders who believe that Muslims are the only great community, how can I accept Hindutva?
Another problem with the current times is the spectre of party politics and the notion that one's party should win by hook or crook. In my younger days, the youth used to look up to political parties as philosophical bastions. Youth were attracted to them mainly because the parties had some philosophical ideas to offer. I, for one, was attracted to the communist ideology and became a member of the Communist Party in Kashmir. I really thought they had something new to offer and some new ideas. Later on, I was disillusioned and today I can’t call myself a follower of Marx. However, back then, it did seem that Marx was saying something that no one before had articulated.
With the coming to power of these people, if the Kashmiri identity is attacked, I will oppose it. It should be opposed by everybody. The Kashmiri identity has some peculiar characteristics which should be protected.
We often hear of the killings in Kashmir. We hear about someone being shot on the roadside or someone being shot while buying essentials. We also hear of men entering homes and killing people. I just remembered a verse. There is a word in this couplet, “mogjaar”, which means freedom.
Parwardigar’e saane ti mogjaar mekh karam Kath poshe waare baaghe barikh boale badle bamm
Wech aasi daare lyie, ti pellet gun aechen pharrem Shah taan kruuth pyom pepper krath seene dam
Almighty, show mercy, guide us to the path of freedom Every word of this flower garden they barter with a bomb
If a window opens the breadth of an eyelid, a pellet gun robs the eye of light Pepper guns make the air bitter, metonymy, a lung pogrom
This was written last year on September 28 [2016]. I saw a picture of a young girl who had been blinded and it moved me and made me cry. There is tremendous oppression here and we must raise our voices against it. As a poet, this is my protest against it. I can’t do anything else.

Did you ever think of returning your awards when artists across India were doing so to protest curbs on artistic and intellectual freedom? If not, why?

Had I been given any awards by the government, I would have returned them. The awards I have received are from literary organisations like Sahitya Academy, Jnanpith or Kabeer Samaan. These are not awards from politicians. The awards I have received were in recognition of the Kashmiri language. Why should I return them?
When I won the Jnanpith award, journalists asked me how I felt. I told them that with this award, the Kashmiri language has moved forward. Whether I, as a poet, moved forward or not, the Kashmiri language definitely has. This [Jnanpith award] was a recognition of the Kashmiri language. Why should I reject it? How can I reject it?

Kashmir witnessed a bloody summer in 2016 and nearly a hundred people were killed and hundreds lost eyesight. But there was no word from Kashmir’s greatest living poet. What was the reason for your silence?

It is totally wrong to say that I have been silent. I have written many poems in protest, not just last year but also in the turbulent nineties. I have written many poems about the oppression in Kashmir and the resistance as well. Not just me, but many poets have been actively writing.
I will recite a poem I wrote in 1990 and you tell me whether the accusations against me hold any truth. I once recited this poem at a political rally. I told the gathering they weren’t truly aware of what was happening. I told them that they might be in politics but they didn’t know much. The poem is titled Khak-e-Karbala, or the dust of Karbala, which is used by the faithful to heal the wounds inflicted as part of marsiya during Muharram. I sent the poem to many prominent newspapers at that time but no one published it.
In my recent collection Kadla Thatis Peth (On The Pier of the Bridge), there are a few poems that expressly talk about the present political situation. It’s not my fault that people don’t read. What can I do about it?
I will now recite some lines from Khak-e-Karbala:
Agar ni saanen chokken zabaan kanh Magar yi rath gassi ni raaiygan zanh
Phezaar dyitan beshoar keatil Yi daage laanath yi yas ni challnai
Yi rath mushuk saar boambran hyund Yi rath haya mand yemburzal’an hyund
Yi rath talatum jawaan johdun Yi rath tafazul qayaam ohad’uk
Yi rath ba faize Hussain khoda joo Yi rath ba fazle khoda sorakh ruu
Yi rath chu baarav divan buuziv Shaheed qoamuk bayaan boeziv
Setha setha kaal annigaetis manz preyn gulami Lalluv bye sakh zuv zante zahar heattis manz
Setha setha kaal chaangi dod rath Na aayi kanh ath na draayi kanh wath
Zamaan woth nindri aes wathav na Cztaan chi zanjeer aes chattav na
Bedaar ehsaas prazznatte gov Choppyear Azadi hyund talab pyov
Dua mongukh aes ti gash sarrhev Chu kya lyeakith laani, pane parhev
Shurren muqabal sippah treavikh Machine gun kotran chalevikh
Su foaj koachan ti angnan manz Mahali jang zan ti bazran manz
Jawaan thod woth ti gueel siinas Buzargh broah poak ti prathh jabeenas
Aennis dopukh woth kuthen muchar barr Kaellis dopukh raam naam sathe parr
Saleem maerikh Salaam moarukh Habib moarukh Hishaam moarukh
Hu beang balai baam moarukh Yi muktidu ko imam moarukh
Yi shahar moaruk yi gaam moarukh Kasheere hund subah sham moarukh
Agar ni sannen chokken zabaan kanh Magar yi rath gassi ni raiy ganh zanh
Yi rath amanat chu Karbala huk Yi rath tas ni tehreer inqilab’uk
Zamaan hargah pricchev haqeeqat Dapyus reashe maale ker bagawat
I have recited this poem at many events in the presence of several leaders. There are five-six collections of my poetry that have poems about the political situation, and about my fundamental concern, which is of a man in this universe.

Do you think poets should remain distanced from the political life of the place they belong to or live in?

One cannot stay aloof at all. Politics is like air and it reaches everywhere. In Kashmir, if a man goes to a baker’s shop and finds that the size of the bread is not what he expected, politics over it will start. They will say "Yi ha kor hindustaanan (This is India’s handiwork)"(laughs). What happens in Kashmir on a day-to-day basis can make an artist politically conscious. But the artist or the poet doesn’t have to become a politician. He has to remain a poet. What does being a poet mean? It shouldn’t be only translating experience into verse but presenting it in such a way so that the reader sees himself/herself through that experience.
Poets can’t remain distanced from the politics of their place but they shouldn’t become victims of politics either. It’s one thing to do poetry and another to do sloganeering. Mehjoor and Azad did some bit of sloganeering, but they wrote wonderful poetry. Mehjoor’s most popular poem Wala Ha Bagwano is more of a slogan than poetry. Azad was an avowed Marxist. He used to agitate for farmers’ rights. They were great poets, and yet political.

What do you think is the role of a writer or intellectual in a place like Kashmir?

The primary role of a writer or poet is to agitate and protest through his craft alone. His role is to move the reader and to make him feel the agony. The poet doesn’t report. That is the journalist’s job. The journalist explains that this person was killed in these circumstances. The poet’s job is to depict the killing as if it happened in front of the reader, and as if the reader himself was being killed. The living reality of a poem should move the soul of the reader.
Craft and imagination is the key for writers and poets. Their craft should make the written word a living reality. The role of the poet is the creation and that is why it’s called takhleeq (creation) because what the poet sees and feels he translates (creates) onto the page.

https://wandemag.com/poets-poltics-and-rehman-rahi/

I guess I’ve been anticipating the chapter so much I started dreaming about the future of one piece. Here goes: Weevil is Blackbeard. Not a clone, not his son. Just Blackbeard. Miss Bakkin reveals that before it cuts to weevil/Blackbeard turning into a dragon because kaido was just kaido in disguise. In summary, he was born weevil, took on the persona of Blackbeard, and then disguised himself as kaido. This reveal tore the fan base apart and I was sadly on the side of dropping the series. And then I woke up

Peyre was a miracle.
Years before he was born, Cecilia’s mother had gotten sick. It was a terrible sickness that stole the breath from her lungs and the strength from her legs. She was trapped in her bed for months with no real news from the doctors and consultants.
Cecilia would watch strangers from all corners of the world walk into the room her mother was trapped in. They had all kinds of education and spiritual presence. Monks from Theai-Tror, witch doctors from Astium, and highly skilled doctors from Caskel. Every single one of them walked out, shaking their heads and whispering soft apologies to her father.
They would give Cecilia a sad look or give her a small toy to make her feel better. Cecilia hated them. Hated the piles of empty promises in her room. She would listen to them tell her father over and over and over again, that there was nothing they could do.
One day, a new doctor arrived at the house. A tall imposing woman whose reddish-brown skin stuck out among the pale faces around her. She spoke slow and loudly, her thick speech not used to Otril’s delicate language.
The woman introduced herself as Balke, the chosen shaman of Scoaya. Balke had heard of the sickness plaguing the matron of the La Dubois family and left her country to help. Cecilia’s father was wary, beaten down by failure after failure, but he led Balke to his wife.
It was hours before the shaman left the room. The sky had darkened and a quiet hush fell around the mountain valley. When Balke came out, she was smiling. Two streaks of ash were smeared under her eyes and down her cheeks. She grabbed Cecilia’s father’s hands and held them for a moment, head bowed. Balke explained the sickness to him, telling him that his wife would recover if her faith was strong enough. In the same breath, the shaman explained how she wouldn’t be able to have another child.
After Balke had left, Cecilia snuck into her mother’s room. She saw her father standing over the bedridden woman, holding her limp hand in his own. She listened to him quietly whisper her name.
“Lecia.”
It was the first time Cecilia had really seen her mother after she fell ill. Her once vibrant red hair was dulled and her pale skin had a sickly sheen. Her brown eyes were dull and full of tears as she looked at her husband.
Cecilia’s mother did eventually recover, yet she could still barely stand or walk. Anyone could tell the sickness had an effect on her by looking at her eyes. They had dulled permanently, left unfocused and dazed as if she was in another world. Her mother didn’t smile, didn’t react to Cecilia when she tried to hold her hand or speak to her. Her father said that her heart was broken, torn to a point neither of them could fix it.
Then Peyre was born. Seven years after Cecilia, two years after being told he would never be.
After two years, Her mother smiled.
Peyre was small, with soft brown hair and blue eyes. He was the apple of their mother’s eye; a cherished angel sent from the Goddess.
He was a gift, sent from the Goddess herself. It was the only explanation. Cecilia could have hated him, yet she didn’t. For two years she was ignored and shunned by her mother, unable to make her smile. But Peyre did.
So Cecilia didn’t hate him. He brought back the mother she missed, healed her broken heart. She cherished her little brother, loved him with every ounce she could.
The day her family was attacked, Cecilia understood what her mother went through. The pain she had felt; a pain so strong it felt like Guillaume pulled her heart out with his bare hands. A pain that left her numb. A pain that left a hole in her chest. A hole that was ripped open little by little every time she looked at Guillaume.
This hole in Cecilia’s chest was not filled with a mind-numbing depression like her mother. Hers was filled with rage. A bitter, burning anger at Guillaume. An anger at the Goddess who gave her family a miracle with one hand and stabbed them in the back with the other.
Cecilia’s heart was consumed with a dark anger that festered in the background.

Me and my wife are very young and new parents. We have been co-sleeping with my daughter since she was born due to expense problems. We now have enough money to get a bigger place and move our daughter to her own room. But just recently she has been waking up in the middle of the night screaming and kicking. It’s not due to hunger, or a diaper and if my wife leaves the room it will get worse. I don’t know how to control it and we’re getting tired of it. Should I just let her cry it out and when she’s tired put her to sleep? Even comforting her when she’s in this state does not help.

Well today is Wednesday, I don't have classes since my schedule is Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, anyways, I'm still shock that I can open my problems to someone without crying, but not gonna lie, my voice is shaking when I talked about my hardships with them. You'll probably wonder, who's those guys I open my family problem? Well... I've never thought that I'll have this kind of friends again. It's been a while since I felt good, releasing those madness. Tuesday at 10:40, our GenChem Teacher, Miss Arizza, discusses about solid and liquid properties, a short discussion, then she said that we can go to library to research for our activity. There's two discussion room, we booked the empty one. It's nice and cozy. While writing and searching up on Google, we keep a low voice since it's not even sound proof but I guess we can't even shut our mouths talking about life 'ya know? And as usual, I'm the only one who's still writing, I like struggling so much, while them, short-cutting their papers, but since we have time until 1:20, it's an advantage that we can stay as long as we want. After I've finish my papers, Pabi(Peavy) ask if we can hang out, the five of us only. Since we didn't have a time, where not complete everytime we want to hang out, it's because of our tight schedule. They asked if we can hangout later after the GenChem subject, Fiona said that she have training for volleyball and they said if we can do it tomorrow (Wednesday), which is this day, but I said "Im not at home, I'm going to manila to make appointment with Tulfo. if you didn't know who's Tulfo is, he's a Famous tv broadcaster and one of our government senate, he also helps to those people who needs help. They are shocked, and ask if we'll be broadcasted on live, and I should shout out them and our teachers who give us a lot of activity, I laughed like maniac, it's just I feel comfortable around them. I said "idk what will happen, but I really don't know if we'll be broadcasted" And they asked, what happened, why we need to go to Mr. Tulfo, this is the interesting turn that I tell how fucked up my life is. I said the first thing "you know other father's around there that they have guts when they're drunk?well my father isn't. He have a huge gut even he's not drunked." "It begins when my mom goes to Batangas for treatment, you know, we have this cancer in ovary that is hereditary. Ovarian cyst. My mo go to Batangas to treat and gone for almost 2-4 days. My mom and dad aren't in good terms when she go to Batangas, but since where responsible daughters, we can live in our own, we also know that she's in Batangas because she always talked to us if she's having a hard time like we used to do. We didn't say where our mom go to our father 'cuz we know that he'll never care or he'll just get mad to my mom. Long story short, my mom came home, around 11 or 12 in the evening, and I'm still up. I came downstairs to help her and bring her things in the house, then there's our damn father, throwing away my mom's things, she can't even say a word since it's hard to talk fresh from treatment. When where about to enter the house, he suddenly shut the door and locked out. Since I'm the only one who's up that day, we stayed outside while waiting for my sister to open it. Everyone outside was looking and also worried. Cut all the other happenings, were now in and out in our Barangay Women's Desk, because of his doings. We also stayed up late just to watch our gate, since there's someone who's watching us. My mom is connected to NPA(communist) before, we called it "itaas", and now she's clear, she turns into our Government, but my father threat us that he'll said about my mom's clearing her name to "itaas" and where so scared like how tf?, I didn't said that (to Fiona,pabi,Mavi,Jianne) our life got fucked up because of my father's jealousy that he's coming up with conclusion that my mom is cheating and that she's cheating with a Militar. Like the fuck?I'm so shocked that he'll said that, like he's the one who's been cheating in 18 years of their relationship. Now that my mom have enough, we planned to have DNA test with the help of Mr. Tulfo to test if I'm his real daughter, because he said that I'm not his daughter and all because of one thing that I stood up against his abused for my mom, mentally. You know, I'm daddy's girl. He can't believe that his girl is against her now. I don't even know him though. Before, he even picking me up to school and he'll let me sit in his shoulder while we go home and it's even raining,I-i would say that I miss my old father, but why he didn't consider to think what he's doing?like I didn't matter at all. I know it's against my will but I have to make him realize that we've been through a lot and he need to realize what he waste for years. If I have a power to bring his old self, I would love to. I would love to spend those days. I would love to hug him, kiss him while I'm off to school, I would love to be my father again, I just want apologies, but I didn't get one instead I get hatred. I should be the ones who's hating him but I can't. I can't even look him in the eyes whenever I bump to him, I always keep the eyes of "I don't know you, I don't give a fuck" While telling this to my friends, I kinda feel comfortable letting some percent of my hardship let out. Their faces is like "how fucked up are you, really?" Fiona said " so he's like a threat to your family, so you decide to do this?" Of course I had enough, I can't bring back my old father. It's the only way, I know his other childs will hate us, but I don't care, I don't even want you as my sisters and brothers.
I'm his First Child with his second wife(my mom) I'm also the eldest daughter and acting the father and mother for my other sisters, I may his sweet innocent little girl before, but not anymore. He made me hate him, he made all of this fuss without considering our feelings, he made a villain, but I'm not letting those hatred make me down. I'm just doing this to see if he'll change, if not, may God make the way. And I also wonder while people keep asking after they know about that story, "why would you do that to your father", "he's still your father" let's switch position then. You can't blame me for those, stop those act like people care and know what happen, why I hate him so much that I don't want him as father, that I didn't even wish to born, stop those shitty things like comforting me with those words. It's not helping. Y'all don't know what I've been through, you don't know how depression and anxiety made myself, that I need to hide just to please other that I'm ok while deep inside im not. 'cuz even if I tell that I have this fucked up life, bo one will care. All I just want to say, that if you're a father or a daughter that reading this, I hope this story of mine will give you realization in life. If you think your life is fucked up, that your relationship is fucked up. Think again, I don't want other Teen like me will suffer like this, I know it's not physical abuse, but it's mental abuse. After that discussion with them, we all talked about something and make me laugh so it won't bring stress, its happy that they listen to my story without questioning, they just sit and listen to my rant, they maybe shocked but guess there always grief in someone. Also Fiona said "You're just sleeping I school and all but we don't know you struggle this much" I know right?welcome to the chaotic life of Lynn.

I Believe Strongly that Nami is one of the Ancient Weapons, Pluton most likely which is an Elixir that can strengthen a man's power 10 fold. (Sanji's LOVE power) similar to Bellow Betty DF.
Pluton in The Sand Kingdom, then again on Fishman Island.
Fishman island had two Ponyglyphs, One an Apology to the Mermaid Princess(Posiedon), the other about Pluton(Nami).
Princess Shirahoshi even comments on how strange it is that she feels so comfortable around Nami even tho it's the First time she is meeting her!
In the Panel with Roger and Oden, the SeaKings speak of two Kings, they say, "Our Kings will be Born soon! It's almost time for our Two Kings to meet again!"

Indian officers often put themselves in harm's way to protect others, and their bravery and dedication to their work can make them heroes in the eyes of many. By celebrating these real-life heroes, we can recognize their contributions and sacrifices and show our appreciation for their service.

I love you Cyprus
As an immigrant from Moldova who has fallen in love with Cyprus, I am thrilled to announce the release of my latest song, "I Love You Cyprus." This song is a heartfelt tribute to the beauty and culture of this wonderful country that has become my second home.
From the stunning beaches to the charming villages, Cyprus has captured my heart in so many ways. And now, with "I Love You Cyprus," I want to share my passion for this amazing place with all of you.
This song is a celebration of the warmth and hospitality that I have experienced here, as well as the rich history and traditions that make Cyprus so unique. Whether you are a native Cypriot or someone who has fallen in love with this country just like I have, I believe that "I Love You Cyprus" will touch your heart and leave you feeling uplifted and inspired.
So if you're looking for a new anthem to express your love for Cyprus, look no further than "I Love You Cyprus." With its catchy melody and heartfelt lyrics, this song is sure to become a favorite among Cypriots and visitors alike.

A couple of days ago, I decided to take a leap of faith and create Spring Epiphanies. — this name was born because I have new epiphanies every second of every day.
Recently, I had a traumatic experience where I had to quit my job due to having to prioritize my health conditions. Although this experience was something I had never wished occurred, it was also a blessing in disguise. During this time, I was forced to sit in my own thoughts and think about what my next steps were going to be.
I have worked for six years straight at different companies, therefore, never had any time off where I wasn't receiving any type of income. Now, I am living off of what I currently have in hopes to find success in my own future creative writing and content creation.
Throughout my life, I've always had this gut feeling that I was meant to create and live freely. I was meant to share, express, inspire, and leave a footprint in people's hearts. However, before I could even recognize my own creativity, it was undermined and pushed away at such a young age. That is why, growing up I have always had a difficult time knowing who I am and what I was meant to do in this lifetime. There was no authenticity and this bothered me for years.
Fast forward to this traumatic experience, I have now learned countless amazing things about myself and the perception I have of myself and the world has changed drastically.
For YEARS, I was tremendously insecure, had no self-confidence, didn't feel like I was good enough for anything, nor did I feel like I was worth the time to encounter. Now, I can confidently say that I no longer feel this way about myself and I'm going to explain how this change happened.
Keyword: perception
I've always been curious about who I am. This has always been the most difficult question for me to answer and I can also say the same for most people out there too. Over time, I learned that in order for us to figure out who we are, we first have to acknowledge who we are not first. Once you start to understand what you don't like, what you don't agree with, what your unpopular opinion is, etc., you will start to find a glimpse of who you are.
The majority of the time, when people are born, the light they once had would completely dim out, their credibility is no longer present, and there is going to be a lack of authenticity. With everything a person hears throughout all their lives from friends, family, or anyone who has influence over them, they would believe everything. The reason why is that the moment we get the chance to be ourselves, there's always going to be someone or something that would make us hide that part of ourselves.
So after understanding this concept, I started to realize that I had let others control my perception of not only just myself but also how I viewed the world. I lived by the opinions, standards, and expectations of others. This is why it is so important to learn who we are not in order to understand who we are.
Once you escape the influences that have controlled your perception throughout all these years, you will start to find the true meaning in living and your higher self: who you really are and what you are meant to do in this lifetime.
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Let me know what you guys think about this epiphany/idea! I would love to hear your thoughts, ideas, and constructive feedback.
Before commenting: I completely understand that my way of thinking is not for everyone and that is okay! To each of their own. There will always be errors and flaws in everything and everyone, but that is the nature of living and being authentic.

I am a 25 year old middle eastern immigrant. I’ve been finding in the last little while that, the dates I go on women of color / immigrants have been more of a success (and have felt more comfortable) for both parties than the dates with caucasians who are Canadian/American born or with british/German background (you get the idea). Even in the initial texting stages I feel like I have to think more about what I want to say when talking to a white woman. Although I think white women are attractive, often I feel it’s harder to draw a connection with them & would like for ways to improve. For example, there are certain nuances in the English language or certain jokes that I don’t pick up and leads to an awkward silence or an incorrect response because I didn’t grow up with it and wasn’t used to it. Or, there are things that they’re familiar with & im not, which can also lead to awkwardness sometimes. This one woman was obsessed with The Office & I have never watched it in my life. We had a hard time keeping the conversation going because we kept hitting roadblocks on different topics. The only time it feels comfortable between us is after we’ve had a few drinks and start fluffing up the conversation with nonsense 😂 I also find I have to be wittier and not really myself. I would also like to figure out how I can get them to be more interested in learning/asking questions about my background & culture. Not making any grand generalizations, just sharing my experiences so far. I do love the challenge though, so that’s why I don’t want to give up!

My partner of over two years just broke up with me. Backstory, she is an alcoholic on her 29th day of sobriety. She has been struggling with insomnia etc… since she has stopped drinking. She came home with an ‘alcohol removed’ wine because she said she was craving the taste. I have no worries with her having it at all. But she then came and told me “omg it has alcohol in it”. I said oh maybe just check with one of your AA friends to make sure you will still be able to get your 30 day chip as I wasn’t sure if technically it would mean she has consumed alcohol (even a tiny amount?). She blew up and got really frustrated and has since been saying it’s ridiculous and it’s nothing to do with me etc… I really was just trying to support her and wanted her to just check so she wouldn’t be devastated if she hit 30 days and couldn’t get her chip?
Her main struggle with alcohol was when she would come home from work she would always want alcohol. And she isn’t able to control it so she doesn’t end up drunk. So she had come home from her shift at 10:30pm and wanted to drink then. I said “ohI don’t think that is a good idea because that was your old pattern of drinking and i don’t think it’s a good idea to feed that habit”…
We slept separately (I told her to sleep on the couch because I needed space) and I saw in the morning she had drank nearly the whole bottle and I can’t help but feel really sad and disheartened. It has been a long journey for us with a lot of trauma and heartache from her drinking habits.
I just so badly wanted her to get her 30 day chip as we have been so excited for it and I wanted to have a big celebration for her…
Am I being ridiculous or selfish?

Gudi Padwa is a springtime festival that is celebrated in India, especially in the state of Maharashtra. It is considered an auspicious day for new beginnings and making big purchases. Therefore, many people in Maharashtra choose to buy vehicles on Gudi Padwa.
One reason for this tradition is that Gudi Padwa is believed to be a very lucky day. According to Hindu mythology, Lord Brahma created the universe on this day, making it a highly significant day for starting new projects and making new purchases.
Additionally, the festival of Gudi Padwa is associated with prosperity and abundance. Therefore, buying a vehicle on this day is believed to bring good luck and success to the new owner.

What's the most unique talent or skill you possess?

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Information taken from https://tattle.life/wiki/lucy_letby_case_2/
Accused method of injury: air embolus
GA at birth 30 weeks, from what I can tell
Unit is noted to be busy with other twins and CPAPing babies
They attempted to place UVC x 2, with malposition (it doesn't mention what, but usually it means that it is in the liver or splenic vein) They left the 2nd UVC attempt in place, but they did not mention that it was pulled to low-lying.

• As background, you can place a UVC as normal or low-lying. Normal position is with the tip of the catheter above the diaphragm and is the preferred position for UVC. Low lying UVCs can be used in emergency situations, or if no other access can be obtained. Their correct position is just barely inserted into the umbilical cord, just until you get blood back, and then you need to get xrays to ensure it has not entered the liver. Any UVC in the liver needs to be immediately removed. It is never acceptable to ever infuse into the liver. (tldr: it needs to be above or below the liver, but never in the liver)

With the unsuccessful UVC, they placed a "long line" aka PICC.

• This is an IV that is inserted in the skin like normal, but instead of a short plastic piece that remains in the body, it's a long piece and is fed through the veins to sit outside the heart

It appears that maybe the baby was without fluids for ~4 hours, because of issues with the lines.

• There's a line of questioning about the fact that the child was urinating was "proof" that they didn't need fluids, but that's not true, as babies are born with extra water on board and need to pee that off, but they still need to be given fluids in the meanwhile - I'm not sure it is significant at all, but just to note the logic in the discussion was off

His clinical notes, written in retrospect at 9.30pm, record for 5pm: "UVC in situ on my arrival on NICU at 5pm. No definitive access at this point, so I've left in situ with plan to remove if long line sited or pull back to low position is long line not successful."

This is from the doctor who placed the lines, so he intentionally left a line, in the liver.

• This is not acceptable practice. If you need to leave the line for emergency access, you pull it back to low-lying immediately, you do not leave it in the liver, because there is a risk it could be used accidentally. If you administer fluids into the liver it can cause damage to the liver itself or cause bleeding/clots or other issues. I will emphasize again, it's never ok to leave a UVC in the liver. Pull it to low lying or remove it entirely, do not leave it in a dangerous position.

The PICC was pulled afteduring the "collapse"

He said: "That was my immediate thought. In hindsight...there was no possible link [between its insertion and the collapse]."

• Pulling the PICC was probably the right call. It is not true that there is no possible link, there's lots of possible links, but we don't have anything definitive.

From the descriptions, it sounds like baby desaturated first, then had bradycardia

• This is the normal way it happens in a NICU. Sats drop, then the HR. Almost all codes in NICU are respiratory based

They did chest compressions and epinephrine during the code. They don't mention how they administered the epi, since they had pulled the PICC and the UVC was in an incorrect position

• One suspicious thing is that the baby continued to decompensate after intubation. Often, that is a sign that the intubation was not done correctly and the breathing tube is in the esophagus, not the trachea.

They say the PICC was deep and needed pulled back

• This is significant because if a PICC is too deep and enters the heart, it can "tickle" the SA node, which is what controls heart rhythm. I have quite literally induced arrhythmias before accidentally by PICC/UVC. If you start getting a weird rhythm, you just immediately pull the line back. And if you have inserted a line and there's a weird rhythm and it's deep, it could absolutely be that. It would not show any "damage" or anything else on post mortems.

From the autopsy:

He comments "unusual findings" in gas and air found in the baby boy, including "a line of gas just in front of the spine".

They have not mentioned whether the PICC was in an upper extremity or lower. This could be important. A line of gas by the spine would be concerning for air in the line, though the first assumption would be that it was from insertion of the line.
This air was only seen post mortem though, which is more suspicious, just because a lot of stuff is done post mortem and the body starts to produce gas fairly quickly. Xrays from immediately after the code started showed no signs of air in unusual places.

• IMO, if there was an air embolism, it would have shown up then, not just post mortem.

Dr. Evans concluded that it was an embolism mainly because he couldn't find another clear cause of death

• BTW, this is not how emboli are diagnosed. Lots of NICU babies who die don't have "clear" causes of death beyond prematurity.

I can't say why Baby A died, IMO - I do not think it is a slam dunk that it was an intentional death. I see lots of different opportunities for little things to have gone wrong/contributed to the massive collapse.
I will also say, that while they are saying that LL was actively injecting air into the baby, there were other people nearby, which seems unusual to me, especially considering this is supposed to be her first "attack". Several of the cases make it pretty ballsy that she was basically attempting to murder babies while other people were watching.
As I have said before, I feel like they have tried to find anything they could conceivably try and pin on her, in order to make the insulin charges stick, because they do not have enough evidence for those, because of medical mismanagement by the doctors.
Of course, anyone is free to agree/disagree with my interpretation of events. :)
Overall, I don't think either side did a great job. Myer's is trying to open doubt wherever he can, but I feel like he doesn't have enough medical knowledge/guidance and is doing it too scattershot and not as logically as he could.
I have a lot of reservations about Dr. Evans, who is incredibly confident of his ideas and continually states there's no other possible explanations, even when there are. Plus he's not a neonatal expert. Just because he set up NICUs in the 70s and 80s does not mean he's a neo expert. He apparently solicited the police to look into these deaths, so I just have a lot of reservations about his "independent" status.
If you think I've missed something important, or have a disagreement, please bring it up!