How many more days till halloween

When you speak, how do you feel about your word choice? Do you find it challenging to put your thoughts into words when speaking to others?
I am building a software tool to help streamline the process of speaking articulately. Because learning to be intelligent with my word choice has changed my life and quite literally eliminated my social anxiety.
2 years ago, my vocabulary used to consist of 500 words. I could scarcely compose a sentence that made sense. When I did, everything I spoke was cliché and unoriginal. I rarely contributed to conversations. I had opinions, but I could never compose those thoughts into words. My mind closet was packed with unordered, unfocused ideas that desperately needed sorting. My thoughts were in a thousand colors but my vocabulary was a crayon box of ten colors. This led to me always feeling unsatisfied with my word choice.
A year ago, I began developing a love of language and have since transformed the way I communicate. The depression I was dealing with completely subsided and I can now enjoy conversations. Seriously, people have said I'm a completely different person. I’ve become far more satisfied with what I say.
This came from expanding my vocabulary, reading edifying literature, studying rhetoric, and discovering a host of frameworks that allow me to order my thoughts and conversation contributions. It made me realize how many of my problems in my work, relationships, and self stemmed from an inability to communicate effectively.
Does anyone else feel similar?
I find it incredible to hear someone who thinks logically, explains clearly, and uses language effectively. Our current levels of communication are almost an insult to the unique, rich consciousness that I believe we each possess. We’ve grown accustomed to illogic, innuendo, and vagueness that it’s strange to hear someone so staggeringly genuine. And I believe in revolutionizing how society communicates.
If you have any struggles with communication or articulation - please elaborate! I'm happy to share what has worked for me. This is all research for a tool that I do believe can help people achieve greater verbal intelligence and mental clarity.
Thank you!

Basically, I have forgotten about my varicocele at this point. I can wear normal underwear again (was wearing scrotal support thong looking things during painful times… and I keep them for the gym now! Very comfy for the boys just not practical for every day life), and 99.9 percent of the time everything is fine down there. Once in a blue moon I’ll have a moment where I sit or move wrong and experience a snippet of the pain of old and it just makes me thankful I got treatment because I don’t know how i lived that way before the embo on a daily basis. My left testicle is a bit more sensitive than the right if you’re adjusting them… I am thinking at this point that’s just the way it’ll be forever. I do plan on getting another scrotal ultrasound at the 1 year mark to see what it shows just for my own curiousness

My drinking had gotten out of hand. About 1.5-2 bottles of wine a day. I have some NAL around the house from a feeble and misguided attempt to stop in the past. I had not done my reading on Sinclair.
I’m trying to jump back into alcohol reduction but I got off on the wrong foot.
Day 1: Took 50 mg in the AM. I felt completely flat, unmotivated, and apathetic to the world. Also, my appetite completely went away. Scary away levels.
Day 2 (yesterday): Took 25 about 1 hr before I started drinking. I ended up drinking a little less. On my last drink I was telling myself that I needed to force myself to finish my drink. I understand this is where I should be a bit more introspective and okay with not finishing it. I did a good bit of thinking while on that last drink.
Appetite continued to be awful. Some rumbling in my stomach but no vomiting. Also, I felt like I was only half asleep throughout the night last night.
Today: Memorial Day festivities with heavy drinking family members. I’m trying to decide how to approach today. I feel like I came on way too strong at 50 on day 1. Day 2 I still felt like garbage for the most part and didn’t sleep well.
Question to y’all: how should I approach today? Since I ran into NAL like a damn wrecking ball, my body just feels really apathetic, not hungry, not really wanting to drink, and kind of in a shit ass mood. Should I skip today to give my body a break from NAL or continue on today at a slower dose?
I really want to slow my drinking and can power through if needed. Also, I think part of it may be a bit of withdrawal. Shit, I can’t even tell right now.
Any words of advice or support much appreciated. Holidays are the worst for my drinking so I’m trying to navigate multiple new things at once. Happy Memorial Day! 🤨🥹

thoughts that i have been trying to put into words for the past nearly 4 years.
there is no point pining after them or hoping it can be how it was again. we have both moved on and had other partners since. he's found others who have made him happy and so have i.
i regret leaving him when i did and who for. they turned out to be even worse than the guy before the boy im mainly on about. i think i was not only young but genuinely did not believe i was deserving of the happiness this main boy, cp for reference, gave to me.
i wish i had done his 72+ hours worth of time with him. i wish i had stopped worrying about what the future would hold for us because it would have worked itself out.
i wish i had kissed him more, hugged his huge and gorgeous arms more as well as lay within them. im going to be completely honest i wish i had had sex with him, not only once but more. just more and more and more. not to be like "oooh look at me" but to actually be in the most vulnerable state a human being can be and share with another, and to have shared that with him. i know he would have made me feel extremely comfortable and beautiful throughout the whole thing.
he is such a good natured man. he is so passionate about what he does and it make me feel so proud and admirable towards him. he honestly still gives me that happy buzz when he messages me or compliments me, i just crave his words. i love that we can still wind each other up and take the piss. we always had a very bantering relationship.
101 days with you wasn't near enough. but my god were those 101 days good.
i know most of things were my fault, we both had flaw but i take the responsibility of being a twat, he did not ever deserve that. and i just hope we can sit down together one day, with a drink together, and have a hug and look back on the vast amount of good memories we shared.
i always will hold a special place in my heart for him. its literally like wanting something to happen with someone you can't be with. i hope he really is doing well. and anyone in the world is lucky to know him or be with him for he truly is a precious soul

• flump x

Narrowed it down to these two. I can find both at the price of 360e. I need a phone for daily use (articles, social media, music and videos). I would like a decent camera as well. An important factor is the size of it since I am on the run all day I need a smaller phone, thus I am looking a bit more at the pixel.
However pixel doesnt have an official provider in my country meaning that if I have a problem with the warranty I would have to send it abroad, also 5g works for sure only with one provider till now altho we dont really use it yet here. Samsung on the other hand has an official delegation and 5g works for sure with no exception. I like the pixel more on looks and I am more drown to see how it will operate whereas I have had a samsung on the past. However it seems like samsung might be a best value for money.
What is your experience with either of the two and what do you recommend?

Hello,
I was wondering if there’s a way to figure out how many pieces of wood are in a bundle for some orders. I’m building a fence and will need a large amount of 2”x6”x8’ pressure treated boards and the dog ear fence pickets. A couple hundred of the boards and close to 2,000 pickets. I’d like to order so that I’m just picking up a bundle or two at a time and not ruin anyone’s day picking a large non-bundled order. Is there any list available of bundle sizes? Thanks in advance.

In the last couple of weeks I got many calls from Bahrain, while at work I can not answer so I called them back after sometime and the Bahraini auto operator was always saying " this number isnt correct!" Today I decided to respond and an Indian accent lady spoke to me and introduced herself as a founder of a trading platform that operates with tens of brokers and they will enroll me in trading then she started asking a lot of questions: what is your name, how many years in UAE, have you traded before, what is your email address.... She said one of our broker will get in touch with you tomorrow and never said who is the broker and for which company she works for, till after I asked her myself, I am not sure if she gave me real names because they are unknown to me. Have you ever got similar calls? Is it a scam ?

I am afraid. VA provider kept encouraging me to put in for an increase. It took awhile to find a new VSO (my old vso disappeared during covid, same with many others, and they haven't been replaced). So finally I get a new VSO. I call them, they call me back, I finally talked to them. They asked what I was aiming to do and I just said an increase. And then they asked about medical records. I said I had been seeing doctors outside the VA, but had been back at the VA for a year now. And then they said that was fine and they didn't need anything else. And then they said that an outside doctor would contact me for the c&p exam, someone either virtually or close in physical location(?!). And that was it. 5 min conversation.
Now I started looking into this and I am scared. All these stories of people going to exams...and the person doing the exam making stuff up, and the examiners not being truthful, putting down things the opposite of what the veteran said.....
I wonder if I am being tricked? Is this a ruse, to get vets to apply for an increase, so they can get a private contractor to lie, and try to reduce them? This new process doesn't seem trustworthy at all and it appears to be an attempt at privatization by past republican congress.
Can I withdraw my claim? Or is it too late now? I called another VSO and they said if the exam goes wrong there are ways to fight it but didn't say how. But personally I doubt it. I am not in a good place right now and that is why I thought I would be ok claiming an increase right now. But if they try to reduce that probably will be the thing that finally sends me over the edge here. I'm hanging on by a thread.
I've had my current rating for more than 5 years, I might have passed 10 not sure. I wonder does that make it less likely. What kind of danger have I gotten myself into here

This script will have a lot of the speaker "speaking" through his thoughts which is inside the parentheses. Some parts of this story will have my experiences. I kind of, nerded out in the terms, so, please forgive me😅
This script is free of use but please give me credits and leave the link below so I may listen to it if you're planning to fill this script.
Summary: Jay is looking for another member in his dance group. He can't find someone not until he saw you rehearsing in an empty classroom.
Speaker's name: Jay (Jeremiah)
————————————————————
{You walk through the school grounds, students walk by and some of them greets you. You groan of disappointment}
(I can't find anyone. Those people that went for the audition earlier was not that bad, but I can't accept them because I will need to train them. I don't have that much time, the competition will be next month... Argh! I am only one member short and I can't even spot a single soul!)
{While walking, you heard a song being played in one of the classrooms. You looked for it and saw a man dancing just by himself}
(Oh, who is this person dancing alone in this rarely used room. Nice choice of music. Hmmm... I wonder, what genre is he using. It looks like, interpretative? Nope, it's too vigorous.)
{You walked closely to the windows quietly and observed}
(Contemporary? Probably... there's also some elements of ballet, the pirouette and that flying mystic swan, some rythmic gymnastics and look at that facial expression. No wait that's not all, he's... he is popping and krumping. Lyrical Hip-hop? No, it's mixed. Is he freestyling? Who is this guy?)
{You walked back and leaned to the wall}
(Those routines... it exudes femininity and masculinity. The combination of his firmness and fluidity, it's almost hypnotizing. His musicality is perfect. He is not only dancing to the beat but, also in the melody. I want him. I need to take him.)
{You took a deep breath and approached the room. You're surprised because you can't see him}
Wait, where did he go? He was just there.
{You run towards the door and open it}
Hey, du—
{You saw him laying down on the floor, gasping for air and twitching in pain, you ran towards him}
Hey! What happened to you? Oh shit, he is hyperventilating. Hey, can you hear me? Hey! What do I do? Uhhhh...
{You carried him and ran to the school clinic}
{The sound of you running is slowly fading as he lose his consciousness}
{The blanket shifts and he wakes up}
You're awake! Thank goodness. Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere? Woah, woah, hey! Don't move around so much, you need to lay down rest.
Well, I was walking around the school and before I knew it, I heard a music that's coming from the farthest room which is mostly unused. You were dancing there, so passionately and gracefully but when I took my eyes off of you and looked at you again, you lying on the floor, gasping for air and you look like you're in a lot of pain.
No need to be shy about it. It was good. Like, very good. It was... uhhh, what was the word? Oh. It was, bewitching.
{You let out a small laugh}
Here, drink this water.
Hey, the nurse said that you overfatigued. When I was watching you dance, the way you execute your routines were powerful but it appears to be all controlled. It's not like you were just flailing your body around. How come that you got exhausted by that so easily? Do you have some kind of illness?
No? Then why? How long were you there dancing?
So, let's say since 11 AM, then it would be... One, two, three ho— y-you've been dancing for four hours!? Have you eaten your lunch?
No? Did you even took a break? Drink water?
Still no? Dang. You were abusing your body. Why did you do that? What you did earlier could've costed your life, didn't you think about that?
Oh shit, you're crying. I-i-i'm sorry, that was insensitive of me. P-please stop crying. W-where's my handkerchief? Here.
{You sat beside him and wiped his tears}
I-is it something I said? If it is, I am so sorry.
No? Then is it something else?
Okay. Do you wanna talk about it? It's okay if you don't want to.
{You stroke his hair}
Whatever it is your experiencing right now, I may not know it but I tell you, it is not worth your life, okay? That's it, let it out. Everything will be fine. That's it.
Have you calmed down? Great. Feel a little better? That's good.
We've been talking for a while but we don't know each other's name. I am Jeremiah, but everybody call me Jay.
You know me? Well, it would be unfair if you're the only one who knows about me. I want to know you, too. Tell me your name.
Nice name. Your parents are genius for naming you that, it fits you perfectly. I have to say, I think I heard it somewhere. Wait let me think...
Ah, you're the one that choreographed Mrs. Williams's class. The interpretative dance competition. The one that got controversial.
Well, I asked your classmates who was the artist that made such a masterpiece. And about the controversial part, there was an uprorar. The other contestants' advisers asked the judges why did your class won. Wait, how come that you didn't know this? Aren't you also a student of Mrs. Williams?
You are. But why didn't I saw you with your classmates on the performance?
Pfft— you didn't join because you weren't in the mood. To be fair, I think I would also do that if I wasn't feeling it.
Do you wanna know what did the judges say about the performance? They said it was abstract and unconventional. Your class is the only one that used a song that doesn't have lyrics on it, but you made a something through formations and simple moves to portray symbolisms and events of a story. The judges and some art and dance teachers were nerding out when they were giving critiques. And about that, they were looking for you that day. I think they were looking for you for like, 2 weeks? Some dance teachers were asking around that time about you. Did you know that?
No? Why?
Huh? You didn't attend school for 2 months? That's a long time. I guess the hype died down. You have so many things to catch up, then.
(Oh, great. What a coincidence. I thought he is only dealing with what's probably happening to him but now, he seems like he got a lot of things in his hands. Of course, he is going to say no about this. Whatever, I'll just take my shot and ask him. I'll just have to be ready for rejection. )
This is probably a bad time but there's something that I want to tell you. I wasn't just, walking around the school but I was looking for someone. There is a dance competition next month and my group wanted to participate. We will be competing against the groups from other schools but we have a problem. We are one member short. I was scouting for a new member and I happen to see you. What I am trying to say is, can I recruit you?
The genre will be Hip-hop. You're down for it?
So you're saying that, you never tried dancing Hip-hop, but I saw you popping and krumping earlier. You were freestyling, shifting from contemporary to lyrical hip-hop and if I remember it, you were also incorporating ballet earlier.
Yeah, you were doing the pirouettes and the flying mystic swan. You know the one that you jump and like do the splits in the air? It is flying mystic swan, isn't that what it's called? No?
It was grand jeté? I am so sorry, I know so little about ballet and italian language, it's like almost the polar opposite of hip-hop.
Hey, don't laugh. Did I say something stupid again? It was French, not Italian?
{You laughed with him}
Hey, stop laughing. You're bullying me now, don't you know that. Laughing at my mistakes.
So, what do you think. Do you want to join? I think you will be a great addition to the team. I would train you, personally.
You will? That's great! Thank you! But what about your school works? How are you gonna catch up?
Wow, we have a genius right here. You can get it done within a week? A week? 2 months worth of lessons from different subjects in just a week? You, are one helluva brainiac. Both in academics and dancing.
You're too modest. But that's cute. For that, I will give you more benefits for joining my team. You won't worry about snacks and drinks, I will be providing them. You also won't worry about transportation because I will fetch you to wherever you live in and I will send you back. You will also have the luxury of having a ride in my car. How's that sound?
Too much? No, no, no, no. You deserve this. And not because I want to keep you in my team and to keep you from being snatched by other groups.
{You laughed}
No, seriously. With that talent of yours, it must have a matching treatment to improve it. So, when do you want to start?
No, it's okay. You can just inform me whenever we see each other again. You know what, let's exchange numbers. When you are ready, just call me and I will fetch you. I am always free after class.
{You got a message notification in your phone}
Hey, I need to go now. Will you be alright if I leave you? The school nurse will be here soon. My friends are looking for me.
Yeah? Well, catch you later. Hopefully, sooner. Bye!
{You walked out of the school clinic and then for a while it will fade out}
————————————————————

So, my problem is exactly as i stated. I don’t even know where to start. My mental health is in the bin, so is my self confidence, and i feel it’s mostly because I’ve been feminized to a criminal degree. I grew up without a father basically, surrounded by my mother and sisters. I’m very, very, very concerned about my looks, unhealthily so, and i think it’s because I’ve been criticized by my sisters my whole life. My mother was very controlling and had very high expectations. When i was a kid (from 8 until i was about 14), my day looked like this: school starts at 8, I’m done at about 1 or 2, go home and rest for an hour or two, have lessons in german and english (hour each), then music school, go home, study and do homework, go to sleep and repeat it. I have no social skills and am very awkward, and i suspect it’s because I wasn’t allowed so socialize with boys when i was a child, and was pushed to pursue my education. My only friend was the internet. I was constantly called fat by my mother and sisters, yet my mother did nothing to make me lose weight. I wasn’t even that fat, just a little chubby, but the point stands. How dare you call a child fat all his life, and expect it to change that completely alone? I’ll continue. I was constantly put down by my older sister. I suspect it’s because she has no respect for me, but my accomplishments were measured by my grades, and me having no interest in school, you can understand why that didn’t work out. I was never allowed to be a boy. The only person that could understand me and give me some masculine energy was my father, a man with a lot of issues. Very possibly bipolar, i was raised not to talk to him, because you never knew how he felt that day. My mom would always tell me to be a man and just do it (I’m talking about studying and stuff), but didn’t allow me any normal socialization with my peers. Do you know how it feels to constantly be told to be a man, but be demonized for any masculine urge or opinion? Oh you want to hang a boxing bag and a pull up bar in YOUR room? Are you going to turn our house into a gym? You want to watch the game and have a beer? Don’t you know how many calories are in a beer? Plus, love island is on now, and there is 2 of us and only one of you, so you are automatically outvoted. You want to get a motorcycle? We don’t have money for that. Now wait until we get back from the mall. Most of this is from my sisters and not my mom. My mom was actually very happy when i started taking kickboxing classes. Every idea i have is stupid, everything i do is wrong and dumb. Please help me. I’m very anxious, i have an inferiority complex, and i have a phobia of women basically. Whenever a girl shows interest in me, i just freeze. That’s not the problem, just a symptom of my very low self esteem. How do i get over this feeling that I’m dumb, that I’m inferior, that I’m not a man?

I’m not surprised by all the mixed feelings the ending has brought up. It’s hard to separate the disappointment of the show’s end and any disappointment felt at how things ended up. I had Tom as my winner, but I thought it would be Roman, mirroring season 1, who screwed Kendall. Like many people, I was shocked at Shiv’s final choice, but I’m surprised even more at how many people here feel that it was “out of character” and “makes no sense.” To that, I ask, when has Shiv ever made decisions based solely on logic? When have her choices ever not been muddled up by her emotional state? All three are affected by their emotions differently, and Shiv has always been the most willing to “cut off her nose to spite her face.”
When we consider Shiv’s life and upbringing, her decision makes sense. One quote I see in Succession discussions is Bertram Russel’s quote, “Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.” This is how the Roy kids were raised to view life. Logan’s constant manipulation and scheming sent a clear message to them: If you aren’t the one fucking, you’re the one getting fucked. And Shiv has been in situations like this before, where everyone is insisting she has the power that the choice is hers, and these are usually the moments right before Daddy Roy pulls the rug on her. Logan only acknowledges her when she does something disruptive, like choosing politics instead of media, rejecting help, and doing things her way. In season 1, Logan fully expected Shiv to beg him to make her wedding, and when she doesn’t, we see a rare moment of Logan getting outplayed by his kids as he concedes that it makes him look bad to miss it. But again, Shiv didn’t stonewall on that assumption. She was just pissed at Logan for threatening to miss it at all. Even when things work out for Shiv, it’s despite her emotions, never because of them. And it almost always precedes having the rug pulled out from under her, usually by the same person asking for her trust. Daddy installs her as a department head to do damage control and use “being a woman” to his advantage, then fires her a week later when someone he wants to do a deal with doesn’t like her. Logan has been so consistent in thwarting his kids repeatedly that I think he trained them, Pavlovian style, to expect a fucking from somewhere, especially when they are close to victory. He taught them to try and “kill” him to prove their worth but then punished them severely any time one of them got close. So they fear the very thing they've been taught to crave.
So then we have Shiv in her final boardroom appearance. Once again, she’s been told she has the power. Once again, she thinks she’s made all the right moves. And that’s when the Pavlovian response kicks in. She’s waiting for the punishment. Her father was her “world,” and now she’s expecting the world to punish her for succeeding. Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim, and in the end, Shiv decides to be the criminal. She can’t get fucked anymore if she’s the one doing the fucking. It isn’t about Kendall or their family. It’s about not feeling like the victim; it’s about not feeling used anymore. Kendall’s fuck up was a subtle thing: he put his feet on the desk. He embodied Logan so much at that moment that he took Logan’s place in Shiv’s mind. Given the history, the man who sits behind that desk with such ease is a threat to her. She doesn’t see her brother; she sees a young version of her father, her oldest adversary, getting ready to fuck her over yet again. In the end, all three embodied the worst traits of Logan: taking pleasure from saying hurtful things to people, being willing to threaten to get what you want, and the cold satisfaction that comes from defeating your enemy.

I’ve been working on a Strategy Game called “Tactics” that’s played entirely on a discord server. I’m now at the stage where I need playtesters to help me find bugs, refine game mechanics, and provide overall feedback.
In Tactics, you control a colored circle on a grid. Once per day you are awarded 1 action point which you can use to move, attack, trade, or upgrade.
This game relies heavily on player communication. You’ll need to form alliances with and maybe even backstab your fellow players to achieve victory.
Since action points are only given daily you won’t need to dedicate much of your time to participate. Just a few minutes each day to check the board and send some messages to the other players.
Depending on how many people I am able to recruit, the game is expected to last about 2 weeks to 1 month.
But don’t worry! If you die 2 weeks in, you aren’t out yet, you can still be revived by an alive player. Dead players also get to vote each day to decide which player will get an extra action point that day.
Hoping to get around 20 players if possible.
If the test is a success and we complete a game, I am offering a cash prize to the podium:
1st Place: $30 2nd Place: $20 3rd Place: $15
Hopefully it doesn’t end in catastrophe but it might. In which case I’ll bugfix and start a new game!
If you are interested in joining please join the discord server, read the rules, and fill out the Join Request form.
Feel free to invite as many of your friends as you like. I will be accepting join request forms in a first come first serve fashion.
Planning on starting the game in a couple of days or when we have enough players.
See you there!

There's no guarantee I'll get either of these but I have some interviews coming up after nearly12 months and 3,000 applications (and only 1 measly offer for a non-teaching college admissions job), I think I HAVE to return to teaching because my poor S/O hates my guts not because I've run out of money completely and my part time job refuses to give me more hours, and I am ineligible for unemployment because I was fired 'with cause'. NYC Metro area.

• had a phone screening for an f-status/part-time 4 days a week (salary capped at $71,290) at a halfway decent public school (there are sooo few). no sick days, no benefits over the summer, no pension.
• have a virtual interview for a full time snobby private school, salary unknown, benefits included.

Had I continued in public for the last year my salary would have been ~$95k. I took a paycut moving to an awful special act/alternative/pre-juvie school in the burbs with terrible children who toward the end helped me reflect the importance of Roe Vs. Wade.
Both of these gigs seem significantly better than all of the schools I have worked at. When the time comes, how much should I ask for at the private school? It's one of those schools where parents shell out $40-$60k a year. I will ask the same questions as public, but I'm kind of stumped. Do I reveal I left my last workplace because it was an unsafe work environment? I basically got fired because I vented about SOME of those kids to a newish person (who hadn't been called a beluga whale yet, herself) with my dark humor, and they reported me and saw me as a 'threat'. They also were concerned that I got visibly angry at the art show when I gave my principal a list of students who should not come to the school art show because it's a privilege, and he invited a particular student who screamed at me point blank in my face 'I DON'T WANT MY FUCKING ART IN THE ART SHOW!'. I wanted to teach this student consequences and the concept of teamwork, and was upset that the principal undermined my authority (they always do, don't they?). I obviously didn't fight it because I own what I said during a moment of frustration, and didn't want to work there anyway with people who were so unreasonable. Now I am concerned both potential future jobs will find out I was terminated with cause. It always asks on job applications for some reason. What should I say exactly? I need money.
What are some questions I should ask the private school? I don't know the 'jargon' they like. I know public schools like to hear 'diversity, equity and inclusion' buzzwords, as well as 'project based learning' and 'positive behavioral supports'. All things that I do naturally but if I don't tattoo it on my forehead you wouldn't know it on an interview. Anyway, I need money. Any advice welcome.

I'm currently a graphic design student who also has been working freelance on the side, I decided to switch to graphic design as a career change in my mid 20s and I realise that I'm too old. I'm taking a short, 1 years course to understand the design fundamentals. I understand that the quality of education won't be equal to 4 year courses in term of project and ideation, so I have to self study a lot, there's also a pressure of realising that I'm very old and very late in life, therefore I need to work hard to catch up.
I'm currently spending 8-10 hours a day trying to work on my assignments, working on freelance works and reading design/typography related books, and oftentimes I'm getting frustrated that my work are not currently very high quality yet, because I know, at this age, I should have done better.
However, at the end of the days, I usually find myself wanting to take a break, go to bed or go do something else, because I cannot think of new work ideas anymore. And it's frustrating because i feel like I'm too old and therefore I am wasting time. I have motivations and willpower, but my brain is not clear and if I continue working I'd be staring at my screen moving things around instead of being productive.
How can I work more without taking a break?
The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak

This is not my first streak, as I've been practicing SR on and off since late 2019. I’ve had two longer streaks in the past, and they both ended in me entering a relationship. In both cases, the girl pursued me, and I just went with it. The initial stages of the relationship were great, but over time I would always return to baseline and crave that sense of solitude again. In my most recent relationship, I was with this girl for about 7-8 months. During the relationship, I was open about not wanting to have sex too often, and she obliged. But the nature of being in a relationship dictates that you won’t be able to go long without any sexual contact, and I could clearly feel the difference in myself when I retained vs. released.
So, in mid-February, I decided to call it and told her I no longer wished to be in a relationship. I was frank with her about not wanting to compromise on my time since I felt I still had lots of growing to do on my own. With that, I began my current streak on 2/25/23. The past 90-something days have been absolutely transformational. Now, this is not my first time - which means I haven’t watched P or anything related to that sort of content for a good 2-3 years now. I also don’t have any social media. So I guess I was able to “get to work” at a relatively quicker pace than a first-timer.
I won’t go into all the energy, discipline, and female attraction benefits. They are all there, but I no longer pay much attention to them. What I want to share is how this streak has transformed how I view life. Especially how my affinity for the esoteric has grown tremendously and how applying these principles has helped me develop a deeper sense of connectedness with myself and the greater universe.
I believe life to be a game, as many of us do, I’m sure. If that is true, then a set of rules must govern this game. Through my research, I’ve come to realize that, for me, these rules are the natural laws. (The Hermetic Principles) Having learned these rules and now using them as a framework, I can clearly see and feel that we are the creator of our experience. - “The mind is all; the universe is mental.” It is truly not what happens to you but how you respond that matters.
This concept has been mentioned time and again in countless books like “Principles” by Ray Dalio and “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. The one principle tool that connects what you desire to what you experience is ACTION. That’s it. It’s so so simple.
Action is the only thing that will change our reality. To perform the action, we must have FAITH to keep us going. There is a saying, “A reasonable man has never achieved anything.” So don’t be “reasonable.” Dare to dream, but put in the work to deserve your dream.

1. Identify your goal.
2. Think backward (For me to achieve my goal, what do I need to do)
3. Break each step into smaller steps, small enough that you will take action.
4. Transmute your sexual energy to perform said actions.
5. When faced with roadblocks, understand that this is PART of the PROCESS. You declared your intention to become great so the universe will challenge you. One of my favorite saying by Charlier Munger is, “Deserve what you desire.”
6. Understand this, the universe itself wants to evolve. It will naturally assist entities contributing to this evolution—greater the goal, “harder” the process. Because you are not given anything, you must earn everything.
7. If you want something, make sure you deserve that thing by putting in the work. To do the work, transmute your energy.

The elusive “they” do not have some magical ways to impede our progress, but they do have tools designed to stop us from performing effective actions. Taking away time means fewer resources for effective action. Less action means less change. = status quo. No need to be angry about “they. Remember, this is all a game anyways. Ultimately, you cannot blame someone else for your inability to take action.
Finally, at this 90-day mark, I feel like I’m only getting started. I only got a tiny glimpse behind the curtain. I’ve promised myself that I will no longer release unless for reproduction. Let’s see where this takes me.

Cross posting with personalfinance to get different opinions.
I’ll try to be brief here while providing detail, but my main question is around how you would handle offloading a home and renovating the new one.
Last year a house in our city came available that we thought would be our dream home, and not necessarily being I love with our old house we jumped on it. We have been lucky in investing in our primary residence over the years, buying and selling at the right moment a couple times. This meant we have a lot of equity in this “dream house”. However for a multitude of reasons we no longer want to live here and want to go back to a more modest home.
About the house - purchased for $810k in august of 2022. Took a 30 year fixed loan @ 5% on $215k, paying ~$1800 a month all in. Equity in theory is around $600k. The market is still fairly strong. Could likely sell for around what we paid for it, maybe a little more, but with realtor fees likely we would take a loss, which we are ok with if it is reasonable. Win some lose some.
Ok time for the question. How would you go about downsizing to a more modest home. Keep in mind the more modest homes likely would require some renovations, which ideally we would not live through while living in the home, but open to the possibility.
Option 1 - put current house on the market. Once sold either try to buy something else right away or rent till the right home comes available and renovations are complete. This is the safest option obviously but I would like to avoid making the family move 2 more times.
Option 2 - get approved for a second mortgage. Once the right modest home is available, purchase with second mortgage and move in. Put current home on the market and hope it sells quickly. If it doesn’t, we would be carrying about $4k-$5k worth of mortgages till it does. This would allow us only to move once but if we needed to renovate we would be living through it.
Option 3 - same as option 2 except we don’t put the current home on the market right away, take a HELOC out and use that cash to finance the renovations on the modest home. Once the project is complete, sell the current home and pay off the outstanding debts. This would be the least obtrusive to the family but that’s a lot of loans and though our income is high, that would stress me out.
Option 4 - something I am not thinking of.
So, how would you suggest going about this?

Dear engineers
I hope to learn from your expertise. In the past weeks i've been practicing mixing bass/kick together and come to the conclusion that i prefer when the bass-instrument has the subbass while the kick sits in the middle 70-110hz and is a relatively thumpy sound. I then use Pro Q3 to sidechain dynamically EQ out the kicks peaks out of the bass.
The pros of this seems like that you get the rhythm feeling from the kick, and you can have the bas play notes from the lower register (30-50hz).
However sometimes this gives a bit too thumpy, hollow kick and sometimes a bass that is to weak to hear, unless i turn it up, and then the whole mix gets bassy/rumbly.
Anyways back to the point. I've listened to many songs and tried to notice whether the kick/bass mixing is lowest, and it seems to me that most songs has bass lowest (Wizkid - Essence for example), but kick lowest also works (Major Lazor - Watch out for this) etc. These songs "work" even though Essence has a shallow kick, and major lazor has such a low volume bass instrument.
BUT then i listened to 24K Magic and IT HAS BOTH. I think its a DMX drum kick (maybe layered with something more punchy below). When i low-pass the sound the 30-60hz area is occupied equally by the kick and synth bass. Then at 70-80 the kick has its peaks, and at 100-150 that phat synth bass makes the song fly.
That mix sounds so good, but it seems there was no choice wether kick or bass was below. Did you guys know how did they achieve this? Can you use something like trackspacer and then don't have to worry about which is below as long as bass is somewhat sidechaining to the fast kick transient? Or do i just focus too much on the subbass in general (as in is it in most genres beside trap not that important?).
Sorry for the convoluted language (english not my primary) and thanks in advance!

In 2021 a lot happened between me and my partner. We had taken a break because I found out that he had been lying to me about going to work and his finances for about a year. I asked him to move out, so he did, but he hated me for it. Over the year, things didn’t get better. He hated me for kicking him out, so he’d always make me feel bad about many things. He knows I’m very sensitive, so he’d often make me cry or say and do things that he knew were triggering for me. I would have anxiety attacks a lot. He’d also guilt trip me into sending him money by having sob stories about his suffering, so I’d send him money often. I kept trying to “help him” because I wanted us to be back together, but nothing would work. He and I would still see each other a lot in person. I’d sometimes see women messaging him while he was visiting me and it would turn into a fight. He would lie to me about them and tell me I’m being insecure. He’d also remind me that I wanted this break, he didn’t. Eventually these arguments got horrible. He’d yell in my face/into my ears, punch things, rip things, and eventually got physical with me too. This same cycle kept happening. We’d get closer via text/phone calls, then he would come visit me because we missed each other, I’d find out something hurtful (usualy that he has lied about something again, then we’d fight and become distant again. Eventually, it got really bad and he tried to choke me. Because of our fights getting so bad we grew more distant. I knew he was involved with one woman for a while because he’d give me cold responses and make excuses to not see me in person while she was really active on his socials. I just accepted that this relationship was never going to be heading in the direction that I wanted it to be, so I gave up. I stopped contacting him and tried to move on with my life. I was really depressed during this time, but I realized the whole thing was bad news.
Well about a month after I gave up, he came around acting very nice to me. He told me he understood where he had been messing up and he didn’t want to lose me. I was confused because he had been such an ass the entire year. Why is he sucking up now? He kept this niceness going for a few months and then finally told me he got a new job. I was so happy that I let him move back in with me. During 2022 he began to have the same issues with calling in a lot. We would also still have really ugly arguments, admittedly because of me prying trying to find out if he had slept with anyone during the break. The fights would still be ugly like before until I finally stopped prying. He got fired in the summer of 2022 for his call-ins. Since then, he has not worked. I have not charged him bills since he first moved back in. Now that we are in May 2023, he finally has been talking about applying to an online job and doing a side hustle from home so that he doesn’t have to worry about call ins. The problem is that we’re in our 30s. I just turned 30 this month and I’m scared to put the next 10 years of my life into his hands. He’s been nicer, more loving and patient. It’s a little struggle getting him to do house chores, but he will still do them. I have also not seen a hint of another woman in over a year. I feel close to him again, but I also feel very worried that something from our past is going to come out again. He’s showing that he wants to try by suggesting him working from home. I just don’t know how long his kind and optimistic persona will last.
Am I making a mistake by trying to start over with him?

Please read atleast a bit of this post before messaging haha
It’s currently 9:20am for me. So preferably around the same time for you. (So we aren’t asleep with the other is awake normally haha)
Hi! How are you doing?
My name is Kyle!
I’m from Florida(CST for time zone)
Some of my interests/hobbies include: Gaming,fishing,listening to music 24/7, occasionally watching movies.
I would love to find some friends to play some Xbox with! I have tons of games! A few being Cod MW2, stardew valley, terraria, Minecraft, Fortnite, Sea of thieves, deep rock galactic, Diablo 2&3, Apex, gta, rdr2, rust I have like 100 games installed. I’m sure we could find something to play! (Im super bad at games, so I’m looking for people that are casual with games)
I also have a switch! So we could also play some switch stuff :)
Gaming obviously isn’t required for us to become friends! And I wouldn’t like to only talk because of gaming.
Music wise, I listen to mainly hiphop/rap. Stuff like carti,lone,ken,yeat,Summrs, lucki,UnoTheActivist,hardrock, Izaya Tiji. If you listened to the new lone album let’s talk about it!! How u feel? Is my favorite song of all time now. Loved the entire project.
I mainly watch horror movies. I don’t watch much these days, but I would definitely be down to watch something together threw discord or something. If you know how to set that up haha.
I love saltwater fishing the most, but freshwater is great aswell! I’m always down to talk fishing!
I’m kinda shy at first, but I’m working on it! I would prefer, if you would be down to voice chat, but it’s definitely not a deal breaker :)
I work weekdays. So I don’t get home till about 5-5:30pm cst. So that’s when I can play games and possibly voice chat.
I can message throughout the day everyday. Feel free to dm me! Hopefully we get along!

Shunned from the world, I call the woods my home. I dare not travel out of the forest for fear of the cruelty and hostility civilization has given me everytime I show myself.
All my life they called me a monster and the word wounds me. All I want is what anyone wants: to live, to love and to be loved. But these hopes have been stripped from me so I instead seek isolation, free from the persecutions of humans.
My tattered and ill fitting garbs are crudely made leather that I created myself. But they suit me fine because out here, alone, I don’t have anyone to impress.
It has been years since I last tended to my mighty mane, the tragedy of life has eroded any semblance of vanity I may have once had. Whenever I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the water, I slap it, ruining the image that caused so many nightmares. There is nothing I can do to change it, otherwise I would gladly do so.
At night I sit in my makeshift home of mud and rotten logs that I gathered. In this poor excuse for shelter I huddle around a fire and wish I had someone to share it with. This wish is not different from self-inflicted abuse because there is no one who would love a creature like me.
During the day, I forage for food. Leafy greens and berries mostly because I don't eat meat. The animals I share these woods with are like my friends. They do not judge and have grown accustomed to me being here. How long has that been, I cannot say, only that it has been too many winters to count.
From time to time people come to my woods and I avoid them the best I can. Despite my size I am very good at not being seen if I don't want to be. Occasionally people catch a glimpse of me, word of mouth has spread and I've become an urban legend. An oddity. Another wounding word, but better than most I have been called.
When people do enter my territory, I like to watch them and pretend I am like them. One of the pretty ones. The ugly ones. Anything other than the monster that I resemble.
This childlike dream of mine died one fateful day as I was eavesdropping on a young couple as they were struggling to set up camp. There was no malicious intent as I spied on them, I was just lonely and wanted to live vicariously and pretend I was like them.
It was the woman who saw me first and she screamed “monster” as she pointed at me before running away. Her mate followed closely behind.
As they ran I felt embarrassed that I was seen and ashamed for the body I am condemned to live in. I felt this way all my life, but unlike every other moment in my painful existence, this time was different because there was something else behind those emotions.
Perhaps for the first time, I felt anger. Anger towards the humans for making me feel that way all my life and I knew that I had to destroy the source of these feelings.
I needed to kill the two who fled at the sight of me.
I caught up to the man first. Killing him was easy. I bent low and snatched him by the leg, swinging him at nearby trees before tearing off his head with my clawed hands. Feeling his body break numbed my anger, shame and embarrassment with something that I had never felt before: satisfaction.
Dark urges took hold of me, making me lick his blood off of my claws and the coppery taste woke up a long dormant part in me, something primal, feral and cruel. The blood of my victims also killed the last morsel of remorse I harbored for the humans and the way they made me feel all my life.
That feeling of satisfaction disappeared as soon as I identified it. The man died too quickly for there to be any real lasting joy from the act of killing him.
Thankfully, the woman offered me another chance to savor that feeling.
She didn't stand a chance at escape as she ran, but I let her believe that she had one. Denying her escape at the last possible second would be preferable than outright killing her.
As she ran, zig zagging through the trees, I nearly laughed at those efforts. As I swiped at her with my clawed hands, I did so almost playfully. Droplets of her mates blood splattering her back.
She panted and begged to her God to be spared as she ran, but if she wanted forgiveness she wouldn't have screamed. She wouldn't have ran. She wouldn't have been a part of the world that called me a monster.
Her terrified screams made me smile as they reached a crescendo as my claws slashed her back, reducing the shirt she wore to ribbons.
It was the first time I remember ever having a reason to smile.
My mighty hands engulfed the woman and I lifted her off the ground. I turned her around to look at me and a primal scream ripped its way out of my throat.
“You no hurt me again!”
Her expression was pure terror and I soaked it all in, but as soon I saw a shimmer of confusion creep its way on her face, I lifted her high above me and ripped her in half.
Her blood acted as a shower and as a baptism. I was reborn by it. Cleaned by it. Cleaned of being an unwilling outsider. Cleansed of being a proverbial punching bag.
I became what they always called me.
I have become a monster.
WAE