Intro
I tried to walk away, I really did.
I tried swiftkey for most of the year, but it wasn't the same, it's never the same.
I tried MessageEase, and Thumbkey, 8vim, keyboardmaker, and while creative, they're not nintype.
So I'm back, and this time I'm going to take a step.

Decompiling - background

Android apps are usually written in java or kotlin, and are compiled to bytecode that is ran on a virtual machine.
This method makes apps very easy to disassemble - turning the app from one complete part into the basic componenets that make it, including readable code.
The bytecode retains a lot of the information of the individual program, so you can see what it does, how it does it and even modify it.
Programming knowledge is required, of course, but unless the app added a protection layer, it's really not that hard.

Is it legal?

I'm not a lawyer

Is it ethical?

It's a free app that the creator abandoned for years.
That's the only way we can fix and improve on it.
Make your own moral choice.

The bad news

IMPORTANT
Nintype is not a regular android app. It is comprised of two parts - the java layer to interact with the android system, display the keyboard, forward inputs, etc, and a native library based on opengl.
Native libraries for android are written in c++, and can be used to pass over the java layer, and interact more closely with the OS. This is useful for performance or for creating a custom graphical engine, and nintype does both.
Unlike java bytecode, native libraries are compiled to pure machine code.
Inspecting it, traversing through it and god forbid modiying it is a much much tougher endeavor.
This means that a lot of features will be unavailable to tweak, change or even inspect without a lot of work and effort.
I'm writing it up-front so you won't get your hopes up.
Now let's talk about what we can do.

Let's get down to buisness

What do you need?

Programming knowledge

Sorry, if you don't know what github is, this isn't the guide for you.
Feel free to skip to the apk download at the end.
I will try to help if people try anyway, but I'm not here to tutor on cs101.

Tools

If you are familiar with these tools you might have different choices or workflow, you are welcome to share.

• APK Tool GUI - AndnixSH/APKToolGUI: GUI for apktool, signapk, zipalign and baksmali utilities. (github.com) - Used for disassembiling and reassembling the apk
• Jadx - skylot/jadx: Dex to Java decompiler (github.com) - Used for decompiling the apk - make the code readable
• Android studio - Download Android Studio & App Tools - Android Developers - To recompile the code with changes, plus tools like adb etc
• The APK for Nintype/Keyboard 69 - I downloaded it from the first google result here - Keyboard 69 APK for Android Download (apkpure.com) - you might have a better idea

Starting out

Open APK Tool GUI:
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https://preview.redd.it/p6eq7glo881b1.png?width=589&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=b2dbe00a1f2e392a6f6fecdf1cfc7458fcd2e3b9
In the first box put in your apk, and press decompile.
You now should now have a folder with the name of your apk (Keyboard 69_69.0007_apkcombo.com)
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https://preview.redd.it/bv1d2heq881b1.png?width=505&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=8324a85a28151c6e9947cb0da93350c8c1f20ec0
This is the app, disassembled.
To assemble it back, press "Compile" in APK Tool GUI.
If it doesn't regcognize the directory, put it in manually in the second box.

Decompiling

Next, we'd want to have a version with code we can open in android studio.
Open jadx and open your apk file there.
You can already see the decompiled code, and for small changes you might not even need anything more.
But since I don't like editing smali manually, I did this:
Press Ctrl+E Or file➝save as gradle project
Save it in a new directory and you can open it with android studio.
Yay!
Now I wish it would just decompile perfectly, since then it would be much much easier to make adjumensts and even upgrade the package. But it doesn't, and I didn't need to spend time on that.
If anybody wants they're welcome.

Tweak 0 - Renaming the app

Now the first thing you'd want to do is to rename the app and package, so it won't clash with your existing nintype installation.
Just open the disassembled folder from earlier (from apk tool gui, not from jadx), and edit AndroidManifest.xml.
change "package" and "android:label" to something else:
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https://preview.redd.it/uekwen2t881b1.png?width=1253&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=a992d54be000b69f389d38f66c37a46cb8f410eb
Now you can press compile on apk tool gui, if you've set up debugging you can also transfer and install the app in the adb tap, or configure it automatically in the signing tab, or you can just transfer the apk to the device however you like and install it there.
It will warn you that the app is dangerous.
You can expand the menu and press install anyway.
Of course, everything in this guide is at your own risk.

Tweak 1 - Fixing the goddamn enter key

If you have used nintype for a while, you'd know the enter key doesn't support different forms.
In some apps, instead of doing a "send" or "go" or "ok" action, it will do nothing.
This has bothered me to no end. Luckily, it's an easy fix.
So I searched for what could be considered pressing the enter key.
I tried "\n", which is the newline character, and got lucky.
This is the code:

if (theop.type == 's') { if (theop.strarg.equals("\n")) { keyDownUp(ic, 66); } 

In SoftKeyboard.java
And as I suspected, it always sends a direct enter key and does not consider the context.
Doing some research, this was the fix:

 if (theop.type == 's') { if (theop.strarg.equals("\n")) { int action = IME_ACTION_NONE; if ((globalsoftkeyboard.getCurrentInputEditorInfo().imeOptions & IME_FLAG_NO_ENTER_ACTION) == 0) { action = (globalsoftkeyboard.getCurrentInputEditorInfo().imeOptions & IME_MASK_ACTION); } if (action != IME_ACTION_NONE) { ic.performEditorAction(action); } else { keyDownUp(ic, 66); } } 

Just checking for a flag and sending the right command.
Now this change you do in android studio in the gradle project you created from jadx.
Now build the project, and you should have this file in your system:
\app\build\intermediates\project_dex_archive\debug\out\com\jormy\nin\SoftKeyboard.dex

Tweaking

This is the compiled class.
Now drag it to jadx, press "smali" at the button to get the machine code.
Now you will have the edited smali file of SoftKeyboard on the screen.
Open the original smali file from your decompiled folder - \smali\com\jormy\nin\SoftKeyboard.smali
Place a backup of it somewhere safe outside of the project,
and replace its contents with the contents from jadx.
Now press compile again, install the apk, and viola - the enter key works.

Tweak 2 - Fixing the hebrew layout

Now this turned out to be much easier than I expected.
The hebrew layout in nintype is annoying because the backspace is on the top for no reason and you have readjust every time you switch.
No more!

Layout files are really easy in nintype

They are under the "assets" folder, and end with "emkeylayout".
Don't let the extension fool you - they are normal text files.
Here, for example, is the Hebrew layout:

renderchars row: :dontsplit "leftcursorer" nobacker altpic "small24_dragindi.png" one @ 27 namify one two @ 26 namify two three @ 27 namify choicer "rightcursorer" nobacker altpic "keyboard_dragright.png" row: !u1511 >> userenderer !u1512 >> userenderer !u1488 >> userenderer !u1496 >> userenderer !u1493 >> userenderer !u1503 >> userenderer !u1501 >> userenderer !u1508 >> userenderer "<" @ 10 namify backspace cannoborder altpic "keyboard_backspace.png" row: !u1513 >> userenderer !u1491 >> userenderer !u1490 >> userenderer !u1499 >> userenderer !u1506 >> userenderer !u1497 >> userenderer !u1495 >> userenderer !u1500 >> userenderer !u1498 >> userenderer !u1507 >> userenderer row: !u1494 >> userenderer !u1505 >> userenderer !u1489 >> userenderer !u1492 >> userenderer !u1504 >> userenderer !u1502 >> userenderer !u1510 >> userenderer !u1514 >> userenderer !u1509 >> userenderer row: "123" @ 15 summon num altpic "keyboard_123.png" ' @ 10 namify langer ' @ 50 namify space "maindot" @ 10 namify maindot cannoborder "ret" @ 15 namify ret altpic "keyboard_enter.png" 

It's YAML or a YAML-like language that describes the keys row-by-row.
Each row is an array of keys, and each key is that key's function, then >>, and then additional settings.
You can also open qwerty.emkeylayout since it's simpler.
Here you don't even need to compile or mess with jadx or android studio.
Since it's an asset, you can just edit directly in the apk tool disassembled dir (after backing it up of course)
Here is my new hebrew layout:

renderchars row: :dontsplit "leftcursorer" nobacker altpic "small24_dragindi.png" one @ 27 namify one two @ 26 namify two three @ 27 namify choicer "rightcursorer" nobacker altpic "keyboard_dragright.png" row: '/ >> '' >> nobacker isapostrophe !u1511 >> userenderer !u1512 >> userenderer !u1488 >> userenderer !u1496 >> userenderer !u1493 >> userenderer !u1503 >> userenderer !u1501 >> userenderer !u1508 >> userenderer row: !u1513 >> userenderer !u1491 >> userenderer !u1490 >> userenderer !u1499 >> userenderer !u1506 >> userenderer !u1497 >> userenderer !u1495 >> userenderer !u1500 >> userenderer !u1498 >> userenderer !u1507 >> userenderer row: !u1494 >> userenderer !u1505 >> userenderer !u1489 >> userenderer !u1492 >> userenderer !u1504 >> userenderer !u1502 >> userenderer !u1510 >> userenderer !u1514 >> userenderer !u1509 >> userenderer "<" @ 10 namify backspace cannoborder altpic "keyboard_backspace.png" row: "123" @ 15 summon num altpic "keyboard_123.png" ' @ 10 namify langer ' @ 50 namify space "maindot" @ 10 namify maindot cannoborder "ret" @ 15 namify ret altpic "keyboard_enter.png" 

Which moves the backspace to the bottom row, and adds an ' and a / like a real hebrew keyboard.
Compile, install and it works.
I'm very excited to see what layouts people will come up with.

Tweak 3 - correct keyboard for function (failed)

Other keyboards have the ability to adapt to the input field, if you need a number it will open the numpad etc.
I wanted to add it to swiftkey, which currently only does it with passwords and urls.
The code is in SoftKeyboard.java (after I subbed the constants):

 switch (attribute.inputType & TYPE_MASK_CLASS) { case TYPE_CLASS_TEXT: int variation = attribute.inputType & TYPE_MASK_VARIATION; typemode = "uri"; if (variation == TYPE_TEXT_VARIATION_PASSWORD) { typemode = "passwd"; } if ((attribute.inputType & TYPE_TEXT_FLAG_AUTO_COMPLETE) != 0) { } break; } TextboxEvent inf = new TextboxEvent(TextboxEventType.APPFIELDCHANGE, attribute.packageName, attribute.fieldName, typemode); 

Sadly, this is as far as I can go.
This code calls directly to the native library, which is hardcoded to accept only "uri" and "password" as the special types. So unless someone has a clever way for this, it's a dead end.

TL;DR - or "just give me the APK already"

I hope this means other people will pick this up and maybe try to revive the keyboard somehow.
The next step is probably full re-compilation, then tackling the lib.
If you don't want to do it yourself, you can download the apk I made.
It has both tweaks (enter key fix and hebrew keyboard layout), and I might add more later (you are welcome to suggest but don't expect anything).
Download - MEGA
When you'll install it it will warn you that it's unsafe. They're right.
I can promise you that the only changes I did are what I described here, but I'm just an internet rando.
If you really want to be sure - do it yourself.

I also want to say, even if I am too sensitive, I do want to keep distance from my in laws because I feel really bad around them, but how much distance is what is negotiable. I've written it very long sorry, if anyone gets to the end, thanks a lot 🙏 So my in laws were against our wedding, they wanted a big ceremony few years later. I'm south Asian, family expecting all this is kind of the norm, they also spend for the wedding usually. But we paid ourselves for a small ceremony with just family and some relatives. After that when we lived with in laws for 2&1/2 months, and my parents for 2 months before leaving abroad, there were lots of annoying things. I would get treated like I'm an outsider and my husband's PA. Like I should get up during my meal to get her son something, I should collect his plate etc, cook even though they have someone for that, pack my mil's lunch box at 6 am once the cook is finished.. my husband didn't let me do stuff for him, and for stuff like packing her lunch, we both did on alternate days. But these things are not okay for me in the modern age. People should look after themselves. On top of such expectations, she would invade our privacy, knocking at our door at 11pm, peeking at my laptop screen, etc. She would also lie and manipulate. Like she would manipulate me to cook or do something for her like put her clothes to dry etc. And would lie to my FIL if he got annoyed that I'm cooking when they have a cook, by saying that I asked to . I didn't confront her in such situations. My husband left the country first as my visa wasn't ready , and before he left, she started indirectly telling me to pack up and leave the same day. Here the tradition is that even widows stay with their in laws.. so like me leaving immediately is rude, like saying you're not my family. So my plan was to stay for 10 days max and leave and then come back for weekends now and then until I get visa. But she pressured me to leave in 2 days after my husband so I did and as I was leaving, my FIL was extremely rude to me so I left in tears. Later my mom wanted me to stay for a weekend during some festivals, and twice my mom asked her and mil just said she's busy. So I shouldn't come, even though she didn't say it directly. On another visit, my FIL, his mom who stays with them, insulted my family. Then my mom made me visit them to say bye a day before my flight and I was very angry but my mom is very persuasive. So I went with my mom and my FIL shouted at me and my mom , saying my parents didn't raise me right etc. Apparently he had no idea that my mil told me to leave the house. I still protected her because her mil was also there. I told my FIL I will tell him the reason separately and I called him from my parents house and explained. He was just super dismissive and sarcastic and didn't believe a word. My parents explained separately and he was rude to them and hung up on them too. After all this drama, and a lot in between, that I haven't included, I still felt bad for my in laws and invited them abroad for a tour because my husband and I are permanently moving back to our country soon after 1&1/2 year abroad. Only my mil and sil came and they paid for their expenses and some extra things like taxis which husband and I don't usually take. FIL still refuses to speak to me. In the trip , I was quiet and not super welcoming or affectionate to them. I was nice to them the first day but after that I started getting annoyed by them and grew quieter. This was an expensive trip for us and I did most of the planning as I don't work outside the home. It was a lot of hours of work and stress because it was 4 cities/ countries in 10 days. So I was very annoyed by how slow they were walking for eg. Like snails pace. They would get out of the building and immediately want to sit down. Husband and I travel with backpacks to save money. And we were paying for our own hotels and it adds more days because they can't check out early and travel with bags. Anyway, so i got angry when my sil complained to her mom that she doesn't know why she has come on the trip when me and husband keep going off on her own. Which wasn't fully true, and there was good reason. In fact my husband would walk ahead to keep a good pace and I would walk in the middle hurrying them along sometimes, and they would walk at an 80 yr olds pace. Her mom should have advised her but instead she made it an issue and asked us to include sil and take pics of her first etc. So I got very angry and told them what I felt. I did not shout or verbally abuse or anything. Just frustrated that's all. So the trip went a bit like this where some days I chose to stay in while they 3 went out because I was annoyed. And then one day she went on a long rant (exactly 1 hr) when we were outside because she felt insulted by how quiet I am to her. And this was in a language I don't understand. She also throughout the trip kept noticing what I eat etc and competed even in food even though there was plenty, so I actually started eating very less and I was crying a lot and avoiding food. I dont think she even noticed this. So after the trip I decided this was it and I want to cut contact with at least mil and FIL forever. Sil I will give a chance since she isn't even in college yet. I even told husband I don't want mil in my house, around my future kids etc after I've seen how jealous and competitive she is. So my question is, am I reacting in extreme? Like actually she was the one who would keep talking in the language I don't understand, excluding me. And in food she would do this like tell her kids to eat a lot etc and if I eat anything then even if she's full she will eat the same thing. Some of the stories I read here are much worse and ppl seem to keep in touch with in laws, which is why I'm doubting myself. Is it okay to cut her off and not want her to step into my house ever etc.

When I was younger, I got a job in a major city across the country, so I got an apartment. I'm a country girl, so I loathe the city and all its glass and stone, and therefore I happily paid the premium for the one apartment complex I could find that actually had greenery in that it had small green "fields" around it. Like a 10 foot strip of green between the building and the road, but it was better than pavement.
The layout of the place is somewhat relevant, and to make it easier I'll use compass directions to give you an idea. The apartment building was your typical skyscraper, on the corner of a highway access road and a regular street that went downtown. The highway was north of the building, traveling east to west. The side street was to the east, running north to south. South of the apartment building was the surface parking lot, which sat on top of an underground parking garage. Between the apartment building and the southern parking lot was a small green island, basically the side of a hill as the land sloped up from the underground garage entrance up to the surface lots on top of it.
The main door of the apartment faced the side street (across which was a well-lit square where neighborhood holiday events took place, and a bunch of small boutiques and further down a mall, so it was bright and busy almost all the time. It sucked but it meant the place wasn't creepy at night). The apartment also had a side door on its south end, through the basement (not a creepy basement, well lit and also where the gym, laundry room, and party room were. The apartment was on a hill so the entrances were on different levels). The side door let out toward the parking garage and the parking lots.
There are two entrances to drive onto the property from the side street, one at the north end of the building and one at the south end. Between the apartment and the side street was a drive-thru like lane, with street-facing parking on one side but no room to park on the apartment-side. This drive-thru lane went from the north street entrance to the south street entrance (a stoplight intersection), which was also where the parking lot split. The south street entrance was convoluted. If you were driving onto the property from there, you could either take a right onto the drive-thru lane, go straight to turn into the underground garage entrance, or go left to drive up onto the surface lot.
My typical routine would be to get up at 4 and let my dog out to pee. I would take him out the south side door, cross the little lane that led to the parking garage, and let him pee in the little island of grass between the entrance to the garage and the surface lot. Sometimes I'd go further, crossing to the sidewalk beside the actual street, since there was a strip of green there between the parking spots and the sidewalk.
That morning, I had stayed in the island next to the parking garage, letting my dog do his thing. I tend to pace, so while he was sniffing about, I was casually strolling back and forth. I do this out of general restlessness, but it doubles as an excellent way to keep a good 360 degree awareness of my surroundings.
During one turn, I glimpsed something between the cars parked facing the street on that thru-lane. It was a lone figure on the sidewalk by the side street, shoulders slightly bent against the cold, head down, walking south, hands in the pockets of his dark jacket/hoodie. I'm often out this early to go jogging, and I've seen the occasional early bird doing the same, so I had no qualms about a guy walking on the sidewalk. I literally notice nothing else about him except the dark jacket and his location.
I turn away, and my dog is still taking his sweet time, so my slow pacing eventually turns me back toward the street. I notice the guy on the sidewalk cut across the green strip and between the cars parked facing the street on that drive-thru lane. This is the first time I really take note, because that particular area is a short albeit steep incline from the sidewalk to the parked cars. He easily could have been taking a shortcut to get to the south side door of the apartment, but the actual sidewalk turnoff (at the south car entrance) was like 10 feet away from him, so it was a relatively unnecessary shortcut. Whatever, he crosses the drive-thru lane toward the south side entrance, so I pay it no mind. My pacing is slow, so even as I'm turning, I still have him in my peripherals. He definitely heads to the door, so I proceed to ignore him as I turn back to my dog, who is still taking his sweet-ass time sniffing a particularly interesting spot in the grass.
As I'm looking at my dog, he suddenly stops sniffing and lifts his head slightly, ears pricked as he stares at something behind. He had seen the guy crossing the thru-lane earlier and ignored him, and he posture wasn't any more defensive than it usually is, but I just notice. That's when I realized I hadn't actually heard the side door open. You need a key fob to enter any of the entrances, which makes a loud beep, and I hadn't heard that.
My pacing turned me around again, and that's when I see the guy walking away from the door, as if back toward the street or parking lot. But the second I catch sight of him, he stops. And he's just standing there on the curb of the little lane to the garage, opposite me where I am on the green island. He's just standing there facing me, hands in pockets, looking right at me, me standing there looking right at him.
(I always carry pepper spray on a strap that wraps around my hand, so it's always secure in my palm, and since I was using that hand to hold my jacket closed since the zipper broke, the mace can was clearly visible. Looking back, I wonder if that's why he stopped walking when I turned).
I'm normally dumb and absentminded enough to not feel anxious in situations when I should. That whole "Gift of Fear" thing simply doesn't exist in me. I didn't get any chills, no queasy feeling, no hair raised on the back of my neck. But I did have a very loud and decisive voice speak up in my head that just said, "Nope."
So I tug the leash and start out for the sidewalk, crossing the convoluted "intersection" of parking lot lanes, intending to make my way to the north main door. The second I move, though, so does the guy! He steps out sideways, stepping off the curb and crossing the convoluted "intersection that isn't an intersection," perfectly angled to cut me off right in the center. So I do another "Nope" and spin on the ball of my foot to head for the other sidewalk, south of the intersection, as if to let my dog pee over at that green strip instead.
In my peripherals, the guy changed direction, too. He took a left, heading back toward the sidewalk to head north, literally going back the way he came. I could see him the whole time from my vantage point next to the sidewalk now, so I know for certain he did not go to the north main door of the apartment building. He just kept walking along the street until he was gone. That's ultimately the only reason I'm putting this here, because up to then, a large part of me had rationalized this behavior as that of a guy simply trying to get home but had forgotten his key fob (the north main door has a desk person who can buzz you in).
But he didn't go to the main door of the apartment, and the brief moment of him just standing there staring at me, and nearly cutting me off, then changing course... I don't know what to make of it. Like I said, I wasn't panicked, but then I usually don't get that way because my first instinct is to drop all emotion and face weird situations analytically. But the event always really stuck out in my mind, and I honestly can't determine if that instance really was "weird" or I'm making a bigger deal of it because it was 4 in the morning and I was tired and wired.

I recently have gotten the ASUS vg34vql1b and while at first I absolutely loved everything about it the more I started to use it the more green and red ghosting I've started to notice, this is extremely noticeable in older games. This is caused by the Variable OD setting but turning that off introduces normal VA black smearing. I'm making this post because I've no idea about any alternatives and an OLED Ultrawide is still too expensive for my budget so any alternatives would be nice.

I am prediabetic and had a a1c of 6.2 in my last blood report. Convinced my doctor to give me a CGM so I could work on my diet and exercise. It has been a awesome feedback loop.
My diet is largely vegetarian. I limit refined flour (ex. dominos pizza spikes while other things do not), eat good amounts of greens/ vegetables. get regular walking / running, etc. which is steady across the last few weeks.
I'm seeing my daily average glucose range 109 some days while 130 other days with diet and exercise largely constant. I'm wondering what else could be causing the variation in my daily glucose averages. Any ideas?

(Spoilers for the 2023 movie ahead, ofc.)TLDR: Read the bold text but I really suggest reading the reasons why.

1. Luigi needed more screen time. I just wished it wasn't too Mario centered. I mean sure the title says "Mario" but it also says "BROTHERS". The Luigi saves Mario in the end didn't feel fulfilling cause we didn't get to see Luigi much. I needed to see Luigi struggle with his choices and conquer his fears instead of having most of his lines be him screaming and running away. His sudden appearance to save Mario made me go "oh yeah" cause I legit forgot about him.
2. Cranky Kong should have been crankier. By that, I mean, after Mario "won", he should have insisted that Mario lost because Donkey Kong did not fall. This adds to his crankiness of being a king and a terrible father that he insists Mario throw his son overboard to entertain him.
3. Donkey Kong then joins the team. He joins Mario not for saving his life but to spite his father, he doesn't need to lose his humorous side, but at least he has a bit more depth. He helps them sneak into the Kart station and gets his bud to build them their karts. The 4 of them head out and then the Cranky Kong finds out and has his army chase them. Then ambush happens. See? Nothing much changed but there is still more depth.
4. Toad should have a bit of backstory. No, I'm not saying he needs more screentime like Luigi. I'm saying the journey scenes could have had a bit of Toad mentioning something about his reason for defending her princess as to explain why he's different from the rest.
5. DK saves Mario in the water instead. The line "Mario, you saved my life" felt very odd to me, as if Mario is not the type of person to save people. It would have made more sense to see DK be the one in the dilemma and choose to save Mario to show that he didn't just join to spite his father but also cause he's a good person. THEN, the scene where he pulls the chains up to save everyone else would also feel more meaningful, especially cause he saves the father he hates.
6. Super Star should have timed out. The whole point of that power-up was to make you OP for a SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. Imagine how tense it would be if they all beat up Bowser only for their final blow to be a power down. Bowser smirks, fights back, and gains the upper hand again. I would have felt the weight of it if Luigi was badly hurt due to his newly gained courage to fight back even without training. (it could also be a lesson that a bit of fear is natural, lol).
7. Blue Mushroom should have been what saved the day. This is my biggest "lost opportunity" in the movie. Instead of the Super Star being the thing to save the day, I would have wanted it to be Mario having a full circle appreciation with Mushrooms. Like what if, he gets a Blue Mushroom a second time in Act 2 but he goes "bleh, nope not gonna be fooled this time" and he instead keeps it in his tiny pocket, thus the Chekhov's mushroom. The final fight would be Mario seeing Luigi hurt in the corner, getting furious, then Bowser laughs at him. Mario makes a "I remembered something" face. Bowser taunts him, Mario makes a fist, Bowser laughs and Mario rushes towards him with a fist. As Bowser opens his mouth about to breath fire, Mario opens his hand to throw the mushroom into his open jaws. Thus, saving the day.
8. (Not really important but a cool idea imo.) Luigi was injured badly and recovers but... in the sequel, he finds out his body is failing him. This then opens up to the idea of Luigi riding Yoshi throughout their journey to find a green mushroom, thus Toad being more in the spotlight as well. That's it, just a pitch that now wouldn't work cause #6-7 didn't happen. *sigh

Before people say that it's a "kids movie", please be for real. Kids are not dumb. And to add to that, they feel much more attached to the characters when they feel something for them. Remember Encanto? The kids loved the characters more not just because of the songs but also because they're human: flawed, and complex. Even Puss in Boots had depth in it despite having three different villain archetypes to write into the story. Why wouldn't it work for such a popular video game?
Depth is not a Con for kids movies, it helps them understand context. And personally, the reason I let kids watch movies is to help them understand more about how things work. It helps their brains develop while they're still young that things are not as simple as it always is.
Let's not give Mario a pass just because it's a video game. Nintendo knew they were still getting millions from this movie, and I know they're planning for a sequel due to the Yoshi tease and absence of Wario, Waluigi, and the green mushroom. So why would they not make the characters more developed? So that when the sequel comes, the kids still remember them cause they were already attached to them. Let's always expect more from films, may it be for adults, or for kids.

(Spoilers for the 2023 movie ahead, ofc.)TLDR: Read the bold text but I really suggest reading the reasons why.

1. Luigi needed more screen time. I just wished it wasn't too Mario centered. I mean sure the title says "Mario" but it also says "BROTHERS". The Luigi saves Mario in the end didn't feel fulfilling cause we didn't get to see Luigi much. I needed to see Luigi struggle with his choices and conquer his fears instead of having most of his lines be him screaming and running away. His sudden appearance to save Mario made me go "oh yeah" cause I legit forgot about him.
2. Cranky Kong should have been crankier. By that, I mean, after Mario "won", he should have insisted that Mario lost because Donkey Kong did not fall. This adds to his crankiness of being a king and a terrible father that he insists Mario throw his son overboard to entertain him.
3. Donkey Kong then joins the team. He joins Mario not for saving his life but to spite his father, he doesn't need to lose his humorous side, but at least he has a bit more depth. He helps them sneak into the Kart station and gets his bud to build them their karts. The 4 of them head out and then the Cranky Kong finds out and has his army chase them. Then ambush happens. See? Nothing much changed but there is still more depth.
4. Toad should have a bit of backstory. No, I'm not saying he needs more screentime like Luigi. I'm saying the journey scenes could have had a bit of Toad mentioning something about his reason for defending her princess as to explain why he's different from the rest.
5. DK saves Mario in the water instead. The line "Mario, you saved my life" felt very odd to me, as if Mario is not the type of person to save people. It would have made more sense to see DK be the one in the dilemma and choose to save Mario to show that he didn't just join to spite his father but also cause he's a good person. THEN, the scene where he pulls the chains up to save everyone else would also feel more meaningful, especially cause he saves the father he hates.
6. Super Star should have timed out. The whole point of that power-up was to make you OP for a SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. Imagine how tense it would be if they all beat up Bowser only for their final blow to be a power down. Bowser smirks, fights back, and gains the upper hand again. I would have felt the weight of it if Luigi was badly hurt due to his newly gained courage to fight back even without training. (it could also be a lesson that a bit of fear is natural, lol).
7. Blue Mushroom should have been what saved the day. This is my biggest "lost opportunity" in the movie. Instead of the Super Star being the thing to save the day, I would have wanted it to be Mario having a full circle appreciation with Mushrooms. Like what if, he gets a Blue Mushroom a second time in Act 2 but he goes "bleh, nope not gonna be fooled this time" and he instead keeps it in his tiny pocket, thus the Chekhov's mushroom. The final fight would be Mario seeing Luigi hurt in the corner, getting furious, then Bowser laughs at him. Mario makes a "I remembered something" face. Bowser taunts him, Mario makes a fist, Bowser laughs and Mario rushes towards him with a fist. As Bowser opens his mouth about to breath fire, Mario opens his hand to throw the mushroom into his open jaws. Thus, saving the day.
8. (Not really important but a cool idea imo.) Luigi was injured badly and recovers but... in the sequel, he finds out his body is failing him. This then opens up to the idea of Luigi riding Yoshi throughout their journey to find a green mushroom, thus Toad being more in the spotlight as well. That's it, just a pitch that now wouldn't work cause #6-7 didn't happen. *sigh

Before people say that it's a "kids movie", please be for real. Kids are not dumb. And to add to that, they feel much more attached to the characters when they feel something for them. Remember Encanto? The kids loved the characters more not just because of the songs but also because they're human: flawed, and complex. Even Puss in Boots had depth in it despite having three different villain archetypes to write into the story. Why wouldn't it work for such a popular video game?
Depth is not a Con for kids movies, it helps them understand context. And personally, the reason I let kids watch movies is to help them understand more about how things work. It helps their brains develop while they're still young that things are not as simple as it always is.
Let's not give Mario a pass just because it's a video game. Nintendo knew they were still getting millions from this movie, and I know they're planning for a sequel due to the Yoshi tease and absence of Wario, Waluigi, and the green mushroom. So why would they not make the characters more developed? So that when the sequel comes, the kids still remember them cause they were already attached to them. Let's always expect more from films, may it be for adults, or for kids.

Hello hello. I hope you enjoy this short introduction of myself.
Some have asked why I've come here to seek this, and really, why are any of us here? We're searching for something that we can't find elsewhere so we've decided to give this a shot.
I've tried other sites without luck and dating is difficult in my area. By that I mean everyone is super country, as in enjoying fishing and listening to country music while complaining about liberals. Or, to phrase it another way - guns, God and Trump. That's a hard pass for me, so this seems like the next step.
A couple of things before I start:
Distance isn't an issue for me. I'm hoping to meet someone and chat to see where things lead, if there's a connection of any sort. If there is, we can move from there. Distance is a relatively small issue if you can find someone who is truly perfect for you, after all.
I should also mention that, for the most part, age isn't an issue. To some extent it will be of course, but I don't mind a bit of an age gap in either direction at all. If it's an issue for you, that's understandable; however, if you think it will be for me, well the only way to really find out is to message me, now isn't it?
I'm open to anyone who sees this and is interested (including those of any experience level) as I don't want to limit myself when I could possibly find chemistry with someone.
Also, while I am in general an emotionally intelligent, nurturing and supportive person, I'm also a massive sadist. To be more specific, I enjoy psychological sadism (although physical sadism is definitely fun too) and that is reflected in my kinks and, to some extent, my personality. While I believe boundaries and limits are to be respected at all times, and I don't enjoy anything if my partner doesn't, I absolutely love teasing, tormenting and torturing my partner in both play and everyday life.
Prepare for a mountain of text! It's a bit long, but I assure you it's worth the read. I decided that since I'm putting myself out there with a post, I want to truly and fully put myself out there and represent myself. I'm hoping that those reading this will recognize the effort that was put into this and get a good feel for who I am as a person. If you feel it's too much, save it for later, skim or even just message me if you would rather get to know me more naturally.
My post is cobbled together from thoughts, beliefs and realizations that I have come upon in my years in the lifestyle (which is why you might see slightly different styles of writing in different parts, this post is taken from my kink profiles and are the sum result of over ten years of experience that I find I still add to every now and then. I try to edit and organize it a bit from time to time, but it's difficult due to the fact that there's so much that I wish to include.)
Long story short, I can be a bit...rambly, sometimes. So apologies in advance for that, although I have recently made great strides in editing my post. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
While it's certainly a lengthy read, it's not nearly as bad as it seems. I recommend reading the whole thing (obviously since I wrote it), especially if you're interested in getting to know a kinky, geeky and empathetic person.
Now that I've covered that, it's time to get to the part you've been waiting for.

About me:

I decided to put this part first because I believe that, above all else, the people involved should connect on a personal level and "click", if you will. This tells about who I am and my hobbies and such. If someone can't accept this part of me, how could we possibly get along?
I'm a lighthearted, playful and fairly laid back, yet somewhat serious minded, person who's rather upbeat and probably too curious for his own good. I'm also kind, caring, friendly, sometimes cynical and often sarcastic (although in a lighthearted manner, and never at the expense of others.) There's nothing I love to do more than laugh; I love most things involving humor, although I do believe there's a very fine line between hilarity and stupidity.
Now, for some little bits of trivia about me:

• According to the Myers-Briggs system, I'm an INFP. Online tests can give you an idea of where to start, but they're not that reliable and the results can change depending on your mood that day. To truly discover your type requires self-reflection to learn about your cognitive functions, and while doing so I learned a lot about myself. I don't follow it religiously, but I believe there are some elements of truth to it.
• I'm definitely a Type B Personality.
• I'm a hopeless romantic, an old soul who's young at heart, a cynical optimist and a realistic dreamer.
• I'm definitely that type that believes in better safe than sorry, and one of my mottos is "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst." I also tend to do copious amounts of research before any big decision.
• I consider myself to be a very grounded, down to earth and genuine person.
• I'm extremely friendly and believe in treating others with the same respect that you would like to receive and generally try to do what I feel is "right" by others (more on that in a bit.)
• I like to believe in the best of human nature, although I seem to be let down a fair bit. Even so, I don't want to let that stop me.
• I have very strong values and ideals, and an even stronger moral compass.
• I believe people are free to do and believe what they want, so long as they don't harm themselves, harm, cause trouble for or inconvenience others, or attempt to force those beliefs on others.
• I believe that a life lived for others is the only life worth living.
• I believe that there's no point in worrying about things that you can't change. If you let yourself get dragged down by it and obsess over it, you'll find yourself crushed under the weight of all the injustices in the world.
• I've been told (rather often actually) that I have a very nice voice, frequently being told that I should go into radio or be an announcer of some kind. I'm very expressive and my voice reflects that, having lots of highs and lows. Truthfully, I believe it's one of my better features.
• I much prefer talking to typing in general, especially when first getting to know someone as you get a much better idea of their personality. Also, I feel like I come across kind of...stiff in my writing style when that's very much not me, so voice allows me to showcase my truest self.
• I tend to be a confidant of sorts; due to my open and genuine nature and what I've been told is a welcoming...aura, I suppose, people tend to find me easy to talk to and trust, coming to me to confide things and seek out advice. This is something that brings me great happiness and pride as having the trust of others is important to me.
• Promises are very important to me; once I give my word in regards to something I'll keep it, even if I don't particularly want to. As cheesy as it might sound, to me my word is my bond.
• Admittedly, subtlety is not one of my strong points. I'm a very open, upfront and honest person. I'm terrible at lying (I hate doing it and I just give away that I am) and can't keep a straight face to save my life. If I were an actor, I would probably be Jimmy Fallon.
• I welcome people to give me constructive criticism and feedback as I'm constantly looking to improve myself. Yes, that even includes those that message me saying my post is far too long.
• I can't fake a smile to save my life, it has to be genuine for me. One of the many reasons I hate having photos taken of me.
• I find intelligence, humor and kindness to be the most desirable traits in a partner (although being easy on the eyes doesn't hurt.)
• My senses are all very sensitive, and can sometimes overwhelm me when I'm introduced to new stimuli.
• I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too. Wait, I'm just kidding, just wanted to throw a little Mitch Hedberg in here. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. While I have no issue with those who drink, I do tend to avoid smokers and hardcore drug users.
• Despite what the length of my post may say about me, I absolutely hate writing.
• I enjoy visiting places but hate the actual traveling (which is one of the reasons why if I could have one power it would be teleportation [actually if I could have one power it would be the ability to manipulate space and time, however for simplicity's sake I'm just going to say teleportation for now {not Star Trek teleportation though, fuck that.}])
• I hate waiting and I hate making others wait.
• I love the symbolism of trees and what they represent: strength, vitality, protection.
• If I had to rank the seven deadly sins in the order that I'm guilty of from most to least, it would go: Gluttony, Pride, Sloth, Lust, Envy, Greed and Wrath.
• If I were to list the Magic the Gathering colors that I most identify with from most to least, it would go: White, Blue, Green, Red and then Black.
• Growing up I was all about DBZ, Dinosaurs, Gargoyles, Ghostbusters, Ninja Turtles, Pokémon, Power Rangers, Spider-Man & X-Men.
• I absolutely love animals and have two cats of my own, Ivy and Jasmine (there are wonderful stories behind both names), that I love to death. I probably talk to them like people a bit too much.
• I spend far more time living in my head than I should.
• I firmly believe that breakfast offers the best food. I could eat waffles everyday.
• I call Gatorade by their flavors as opposed to their colors.
• I absolutely love when I'm thirsty and soda burns my throat.
• You won't catch me running unless something is chasing me. Partially because I have asthma, but mostly because running is awful.

Over the past several years I've come to appreciate music a lot more than I used to (before it was simply used as background noise as I can't stand silence) and have discovered that I'm a fan of alt-metal, heavy metal and hard rock more than anything else.
Some bands I enjoy include:

Adelitas Way, Amaranthe, Breaking Benjamin, Disturbed, Evans Blue, Five Finger Death Punch, Gemini Syndrome, Otherwise, Pop Evil, Sevendust, Shinedown, Shaman's Harvest, State of Mine, Theory of a Deadman, Three Days Grace (before Adam Gontier left)

I enjoy other types of music as well, for example another band I like is Bowling for Soup as I love their sense of humor; it's great to see people not taking music so seriously. I'm also a fan of big band music, which I actually have Fallout 3 to thank for. I enjoy classical musical as well and, despite having no real knowledge of it and most of it sounding the same, I find it incredibly relaxing and peaceful.
While I enjoy relaxing and watching television, I have trouble watching hour long shows as I can only focus on it for so long before my attention wavers, around that time I start looking at my phone and just waiting for it to be over. It's also why I don't watch too many movies; I need my entertainment bite sized. I'll watch movies every once in a while, but they generally need to be 100 minutes tops (unless it's something I'm super into.).
I have difficulty getting into things that are realistic; they usually need to be fantastical in nature and capture my imagination. My preferred genres are comedy, horror (mainly supernatural, no slashers) and most things involving special powers or abilities, however I can sometimes get into action or drama as well. I also have a love for the world of animation, possibly because they tend to be more creative and aren't limited by reality; it's part of why I'm so partial to anime.
Some shows that I'm fond of are:

Animation: Adventure Time, American Dad, Archer, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Bob's Burgers, Bojack Horseman, [China, IL], Disenchantment, Futurama, HarmonQuest, Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, King of the Hill, Metalocalypse, Mike Tyson Mysteries, Mr. Pickles, Rick and Morty, Robot Chicken, South Park, Superjail, Ugly Americans, Venture Bros.
Live-action: Arrested Development, Better Call Saul, Breaking Bad, Carnivàle, Dexter, Eureka, Friends, Game of Thrones, The Good Place, House, The Lost Room, Monk, The Muppets (2015 series), The Office, Parks and Rec, Psych, Stargate, Stranger Things, Walking Dead, Warehouse 13, Wilfred

I definitely binge my shows, I like to wait for a season (or preferably an entire series) to be done before I jump into it. I'm also the type that's fine watching something just once. If I ever feel the need to watch it again it will be many, many years later. This extends to games as well, I generally need things with replayability such as MOBA's or Rogue-likes.
Gaming is easily one of my biggest hobbies and has been for many, many years now. I see it as an art form, as a way to tell a story that you can deeply immerse yourself in and get pulled into, something that can captivate you and make you lose all track of time because it's simply so engrossing. It's also a damn good way to have fun and kill time, especially when you're playing with friends. It's a big part of my life and something I have spent quite a bit of time and money on. Some people may be put off by this, but it a part of me that I will not deny or hide; after all, if someone has an issue with that then how compatible could we possibly be?
Some video games that hold a special place in my heart are:

Action/Adventure: Alan Wake, Assassin's Creed, Bastion, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Bayonetta, Brütal Legend, Bully, Darksiders, Dark Souls (first one), Deadly Premonition, Dead Space, Devil May Cry (3 & 5), Enslaved: Odyssey to the West, Heavy Rain, Hellblade, Infamous, Last of Us, Legend of Zelda (A Link to the Past, Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Wind Waker), Luigi's Mansion, Metal Gear Solid (Twin Snakes, 3, 4 & 5), Ninja Gaiden (2004), Overlord, Phantom Crash, Resident Evil 2 remake, Saint's Row 2, The Saboteur, TMNT: Turtles in Time
Fighting: Anarchy Reigns, Blazblue (series), DBZ: Budokai, Dragon Ball Fighterz, Marvel vs Capcom (2 & 3), Mortal Kombat (9 & 11), Soul Calibur 3, Super Smash Bros. Melee
MOBA: Dota 2, Guardians of Middle Earth, Heroes of the Storm
Rogue-like: Binding of Isaac, Crypt of the Necrodancer, Darkest Dungeon, Dead Cells, Don't Starve, FTL, Monster Train, Slay the Spire
RPG: Bravely Default, Dragon Age (Origins and Inquisition), Dragon's Dogma, Elder Scrolls (Oblivion and Skyrim), Fable (1 & 2), Fallout (3 & New Vegas), Final Fantasy (IX, X & Tactics Advance), Grim Dawn, Mass Effect 2, Pillars of Eternity (series), Pokémon (Red, Blue, Yellow, Gold, Silver & Stadium), Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Suikoden 2, Tyranny, The Witcher (2 & 3)
Shooter: Bioshock (series), Battlefield Bad Company (1 & 2), The Darkness, Deep Rock Galactic, Gears of War (1 & 3), Left 4 Dead, Shadowrun (2007 FPS), Team Fortress 2 (when it first came out, it's a little much now), Vanquish
Simulation: Animal Crossing (first one), Doki Doki Literature Club, Harvest Moon, Life is Strange, Pokémon Snap, Tabletop Simulator
Strategy: Civilization (3 & 4), Endless Legend, Magic the Gathering: Duels of the Planeswalkers (2012 & 2013), Portal, Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds, Warcraft 3

Not only that, but I've also gotten into tabletop gaming, including both board and pen and paper games (such as Dungeons and Dragons.) I initially got into the latter as an exercise to strengthen my creative muscles but found it was a fun way to goof off with friends. For the former, it's almost gotten to the point that I enjoy them more than most video games as it provides an experience that you don't get anymore; friends gathered around and competing against one another or cooperating against a common foe, something that's disappeared with the advent of the internet.
Some board games that I love are:

BANG! The Dice Game, Dead of Winter, Dice Throne, Epic Spell Wars, King of New York, Lords of Waterdeep, Munchkin, Pandemic, Red Dragon Inn

I enjoy reading as well, although I find it difficult to find a book that can keep my focus and really draw me in like I crave. I'm constantly on the prowl for new material, and my favorite genres would probably be apocalyptic/post-apocalyptic, dystopian, horror and dark fantasy/grimdark, although I'm certainly in the market for something that has a good element of humor to it as well. If you have any recommendations, I'd absolutely love to hear them!
Bring up video/board/tabletop games, super powers, comics, cartoons, anime, manga, sci-fi, fantasy or technology and I'll happily chat your ear off. I'm quite social and love to talk, however I'm also an introvert so there are plenty of times where the pressure of constant social interactions with others gets to me and I need to take some time to myself to mentally recharge.
As I mentioned, I absolutely adore animals. Seriously, if you want to make me hate a bad guy, have him hurt an animal. Ironically, I'm practically a carnivore. I'm convinced that I would starve if I had to hunt for my own food just because I couldn't bring myself to hurt them.
Speaking of food, I'm a bit of a foodie (I dislike that word, but it's accurate.) I'm all about sauces, seasonings and spices, not to mention a love for anything deep fried. I love experiencing different tastes and textures while trying new things...as long as they're not vegetables. No veggies, except corn and potatoes; those two get a pass as they're amazing. I also enjoy onions and peppers in small quantities in dishes.
I've got a nice guy next door look in that I have no tattoos or piercings, have glasses, stay clean shaven and have a bit of a baby face (as in I look rather young, I often get mistaken for being in my mid 20's). I wouldn't say that with my look I would be called handsome, sexy or hot (however I am often called cute (I've also been called handsome a fair amount, it still feels weird though.) I'm also rather pale due to the fact that I stay indoors most of the time (if you can't tell from that, I'm white.) Because of my appearance, and my friendly and laid back nature, people tend to view me as rather innocent. I suppose that isn't entirely incorrect though, I'll admit that I can be a bit naive at times in regards to people and the world.
As for politics and religion, I tend to try to stay away from both.
While I believe I'm somewhat in the middle for the former, as I have views from both sides, if I had to choose I'd say I definitely lean way more towards the left. I believe in the greater good, the needs of the many over the needs of the few, in advancing science and finding alternative fuels and materials that don't pollute or destroy our environment in the process, in trying to create a brighter future, etc, etc. I'm definitely not on the far left however, and hate social justice and cancel culture. I'm empathetic and all, but people need to stop getting offended by every tiny thIng and creating problems that don't exist. That's definitely not exclusive to the left, the right is very guilty of it as well.
For the latter, I generally just consider myself not religious as I don't think or care about it too much. If I had to classify it though I'd say I'm agnostic. This means that, while I don't believe in any god or gods, I acknowledge that they might exist. While I'm 99.3̅3̅3̅% certain that there is no grand creator or afterlife, there's no real way we can know for certain. We're a very young and ignorant species, there's much about life and the universe that we are unaware of or don't understand yet.
I just try to focus on being a good person and doing right by others, not for some earthly or heavenly reward, or for a smug sense of self satisfaction, but because it's simply what I want to do. It's who I am and what makes me feel good about myself.
I try my best to live by The Golden Rule (also known as treat others you the way you wish to be treated or do unto others as you would have them do unto you), being guided by own moral compass that directs me in how I interact with others. I always do my very best to make others feel wanted, cared for, appreciated and understood, to give them validation; I never want anyone to feel left out or unwanted, for any reason at all. Perhaps it's from my own difficult childhood, since I felt that way when I was young and don't want others to go through the same things that I did. Whatever the reason, whenever I say or do anything I tend to, without even realizing it, think about how it will affect the other person and the different ways that it could be taken. I strive to treat others with the courtesy and respect that I believe that they deserve.
As I mentioned, I have a strong moral compass. The only problem is, this is true North for my compass; I feel that's the correct way to treat and interact with others, and I believe that's what everyone should do. So when other people don't act in the way that I believe they should, even though I know everyone is different and everyone has different thoughts, feelings and experiences that led them to those (we are the product of our environments after all), it can bother me. I've come to realize that this is due to holding myself to extremely high standards, and often holding other people to the same standards to which I hold myself.
Unfortunately, that can lead to conflicts with others, sometimes over things that they might feel to be insignificant. It doesn't happen very often though as I can recognize whether something is actually a big deal or not and put it to the back of my mind; I wouldn't be a very good friend or partner if I nitpicked over every little thing, now would I? Despite being very much driven by my moral compass, I'm also calm, collected, understanding and logical by nature.
I've realized that I used to put a lot of pressure on myself when interacting with others, trying to be funny and entertaining, overall trying to make sure that they were having a good time and enjoying themselves. If, for whatever reason, I felt that they were bored I ended up trying even harder to keep them engaged and joyful. It was somewhat of a bad habit of mine; I suppose I just felt like I had a personal stake in everyone that I interacted with, a responsibility almost, and didn't want to leave them wanting. I still do this to some extent, but not as much as I used to; as I've grown and matured, and my anxiety has lessened, I've learned to pull back a bit and that I don't need to carry everyone's burden on my shoulders. I still wish to keep people engaged and happy, and still take on more responsibility than I probably should, however I imagine that I'll always be that way; it's just in my nature.
I'm an emotionally intelligent and extremely empathetic person who's well aware of his inner workings due to my introspective nature. I'm easily able to see things from multiple perspectives, which I believe is because of how I process empathy. I don't necessarily feel the exact pain of others, but I mirror it; it's second nature for me to put myself in their position which allows me to understand the plethora of ways they can think and feel. This is something that is a core part of who I am and that I take great pride in.
I feel deeply, which can lead to me taking things to heart and sometimes reading too much into things or overanalyzing them. Thankfully, due to my great experience in emotional control and regulation (which I'm about to go into), I'm generally able to take a step back from my emotions and understand the intent and meaning behind words and actions so there's less of a chance of misunderstanding.
Because I feel so deeply, that caused problems for me when I was younger. My emotions were a swirling vortex, out of control and ready to burst out at any second. Puberty certainly didn't make this any easier either.
It's been said that our personal identity is 80% environmental and 20% genetic. While I might be genetically predispositioned to feeling so deeply, a lot of it likely comes from traumas experienced in childhood and my inability to process them properly. They left scars that I'm still dealing with today, and as a result of said scars, growing up I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, depression and OCD, on top of the ADHD that I already had. However, I'm thankfully in a very good place thanks to a combination of past therapy, current medication and constant reflection.
I've done a lot of work to be able to get a handle on my emotions. Because I got used to having them under such control, I've been told that at times I can come across as kind of indifferent or hard to read. That's one of the reasons that I'm such an upfront, open, honest and expressive person; I want people to be able to understand me and I generally tell exactly what I'm thinking or how something makes me feel so that others can do that.
Honestly, one of my biggest fears is that no one will ever be able to understand me like I understand myself. It's right up there with a fear of the unknown (one is the reasons I don't do deep water, I don't want to fuck with any Cthulhu monsters that are down there) and losing my memories, as in the end we're just a sum of our memories and I don't want to lose who I am.
I never claimed to be perfect; I have my flaws as well, and try to work on them every day to improve myself as a person. Since I've already put so much of myself into my profile, I thought that it was only right to put the negative parts in as well.
While some of these things could certainly be considered negative traits, I believe that they help make me the Dom that I am. Because I AM so compassionate, because I AM so empathetic, because I HAVE been through so much and still keep going, I feel that I can give a sub or a slave what she truly needs to thrive in her environment. Feel free to read more about that below.

My Beliefs:

If I had to break down why this all appeals to me to one reason, to put it simply, I'd have to say that I'm the kind of person who wants to be needed. I find that, overall, I feel more driven and fulfilled if I know that I have someone that depends on me. If I have someone whose best interests I must keep in mind, who I need to protect and care for, I feel a greater sense of purpose than the humdrum rumblings of everyday life.
When you combine that with my nurturing and empathetic nature this type of relationship is the natural choice for me (more on that next). I believe that's also why I find myself naturally drawn to the weak, the helpless and the damaged. I have an overwhelming desire to heal them, to help and protect them while nurturing them and watching them grow into who I know they can be, which goes with what I was saying before.
A sub knows that her Dom loves her unconditionally and only wants what is best for her. While I do certainly enjoy doing this, I primarily do this to help my sub above all else. I'm a nurturing soul who wishes nothing more than to protect his partner. To take care of her and help her when she needs it. To be her support and her life line. To give her the guidance, structure and discipline she needs to feel fulfilled in life. To set rules and guidelines so that she can move freely within those set limits and be happy. To help her decide what is best for her when she herself doesn't know. To provide the security and comfort of knowing that she is being taken care of and that she has someone she can talk to about anything without any sort of judgment or prejudice. I want her to thrive and become the person that she was always meant to be. I enjoy pushing my sub to explore her boundaries and limits, within reason of course. I simply wish to see her flourish and blossom, to help her become what I know she can be and reach higher plateaus.
I realize the previous paragraphs could sound condescending in some ways, however that couldn't be further from the truth. I see my partner as an equal, someone who simply has different needs that I can fulfill so that they can live a fulfilling life themselves, and in turn by fulfilling those needs of theirs, I feel fulfilled as well. We ultimately form a symbiotic relationship of sorts.
Make no mistake, I have no desire to micromanage every tiny detail of my sub's life, nor form a codependent relationship where she's entirely reliant upon me for her mental and emotional needs. The level and extent of the D/s relationship is decided after long discussion and input from both parties.
Some believe that being a Dom is just telling people what to do and getting what you want while getting off, but it's so much more than that. It's not as easy or simple as it appears, you must always keep what is best for your sub in mind, even if it conflicts with your own immediate or future interests. You must constantly be aware of her needs and desires while providing checks and balances to help her live a life worth living. Anyone can simply give a sub what she wants, it takes a true Dom to say no because you feel that is what is best for her.
At least that's how it should be. There are so many "Doms" out there that don't care about their subs at all, only themselves. They don't care if they're suffering physically or emotionally, they simply use them as toys they can play with and then toss aside when they're bored; they abuse them and hurt them simply because they get a kick out of it. A real Dom/sub relationship is a very special and strong bond, much more so than a vanilla relationship in my opinion. So many people seem to have issues understanding that unfortunately, there's a certain stigma associated with this and preconceptions are formed before they even learn anything about it.
Truthfully, I believe the sub holds the power in the relationship in many ways. She is the one that is choosing to submit after all, to give up her power and control to the Dom. Despite that, she is the one that has control over the power of safe words, that can stop an activity with a single utterance. Her subservience is completely voluntary, something that many people don't seem to think about. It's not simply about someone bossing someone around because they can, it's about someone choosing a partner that they feel is worthy to give their all to.

What I'm looking for:

I'm not here looking for a booty call or one night stand, but to find a potential partner in crime, possibly for life if a connection is made. More than anything, I simply wish to find someone who looks at me the way this girl looks at her prom date.
While the following is my ideal, as I said at the beginning, I'm open to talking to anyone that reads this. However, I'm not particularly interested in "littles" or "brats".
Ideally my partner would be what is typically called an adult babygirl, and I'd like to elaborate on that term since some might not be familiar with it. Essentially it's someone who enjoys the nurturing, loving and structured aspect of a Daddy Dom or DD/lg relationship but isn't a little themselves; meaning that they don't have a mental age that they regress to, among other things. (I don't identify as a Daddy myself, however due to my protective and supportive/nurturing nature you could say I'm Daddy leaning.)
Some people have their entire lives revolve around the lifestyle, going to munches, conventions, parties and attempting to reach out to their community and find a place to belong. That might work for them, but it's of no interest to me. While I'm certainly not opposed to chatting and making friends and connections, I have no desire to be a part of a community. I'm simply seeking one whose ideas and beliefs line up with my own for a symbiotic relationship as I mentioned before
If I had to describe such a relationship, it would definitely be on the lighter side of the spectrum in regards to what daily life would be like. I'm seeking a 24/7 TPE, however I also enjoy being casual with my sub. Perhaps in some ways it's more similar to a vanilla relationship with strong Dom/sub undertones than a typical BDSM relationship.
In my perfect situation, we would still be able to joke around, have fun and be very close and romantic; however there is also the constant understanding that I am in charge, and what I say goes. No matter how much fun we may be having or what we might be doing, she should always know her place, even if it's only in the back of her mind. There are rules in place for her benefit, and if she breaks those rules she will be punished.
By what I say goes, I mean I have the final say in subjects because, as a submissive, she has given the reins of power over to me. She trusts me to make her decisions for her and to do what is best for her, to take care of and protect her. I'm never the type to say "this is how it's going to be, I don't care what you want, end of discussion" as discourse is the only way two people can truly understand one another. I always value my submissive's input and always want her to give her opinion and speak her mind if something is bothering her.
My ideal sub would be one that is loyal and devoted above all else, but also one who is looking for a Dom she can actually have a connection with. One that, not necessarily needs, but craves guidance, support, structure and discipline in their life; whose life does not feel complete without this, like there is a void deep inside her that cannot be filled unless she has a Dom to guide and take care of her, that she can in turn make happy and serve to the best of her ability.
Beyond anything else though, I want to like them as a person before I love them as a sub. My perfect partner would be someone who is intelligent, kind-hearted, earnest, funny and a has a fair touch of dorkiness in her. I want her to be someone that actually has personality, that I can laugh with and talk to for hours upon hours on end and still hate the thought of leaving. Someone that will either indulge my love of games and geekery or join me because she's just as much of a fan of those things as I am. Someone who loves how I tease and torment her, keeping her on the edge and revelling in the pleasure I get from watching her squirm.
One thing to note is that just because I am very friendly (sometimes people are surprised when I begin acting more Dominant, others aren't as they say they can "sense it in the way I present myself", even while being friendly and joking around) doesn't mean that I'm not strict when I have to be. I have no problem at all with enforcing rules and giving out punishments, although it's certainly not my favorite aspect of the relationship. I would prefer to reward, encourage and nurture my sub, however there are times when discipline is necessary; if one feels the need to act up, one must be ready accept the consequences after all.
If I had to describe my style of dominance, or what makes me dominant, I suppose that would be a little tricky. I don't feel the need to control everything, nor do I attempt to, and I have no problem with kicking back and letting others take the reigns in everyday situations if I feel they're more qualified or I just plain don't feel like it. Nor am I the type that "oozes" dominance, I don't care for confrontation and am a very easy going, go with the flow person. What I believe it boils down to is I simply feel comfortable with power and, quite frankly, enjoy it. I bear the burden of leadership well, it comes naturally to me and I thrive when I have the weight of another's life on my shoulders; I have little trouble making hard decisions when I need to. It also helps that my sexual inclinations line up with this nicely. If it doesn't last quite some time and doesn't end with both parties panting and soaked in sweat, I'm not particularly interested in it.
On that note, I have quite the kinky side despite my friendly and charming exterior. I suppose I should list it here because, while certainly not the primary focus of my interest in this, sexual compatibility does factor in to some extent.
My kinks are:

Anal, begging, biting, blowjobs, body worship, bondage, choking, cock worship, consensual non-consent, creampies, crying (the good kind), cumplay, deepthroating, degradation, desperation, dirty talking, face fucking, facials, free use, hair pulling, hole stretching (basically pushing my partner to her limits), humiliation, hypnosis, name calling, objectification, orgasm control (which includes edging, forced orgasms, orgasm denial and ruined orgasms), public play (in a discreet manner), slapping, spanking, spitting and teasing.

One thing I feel I should mention is that the acts of degradation and humilation are limited to play time and only sexual in nature, never attacking my partner in any way.
I also believe very strongly in aftercare and safe words as the mental and emotional well being of my partner is very important.
I realize there's no one way to live this lifestyle, but I feel like a lot of what I said should be obvious and general knowledge in regards to this; however from my experience it doesn't seem to be that way too often (not referring to the that are inexperienced in this, more those that do this for the wrong reason), which is why I wanted to share my views in such detail.
I feel like I've rambled on enough already and am dangerously close to having a TL;DR (yeah, I hit that ages ago), so I'll just say that if you're interested in learning more about me and getting to know me, you can give me a message and we'll see where things go. I like to get to know people naturally, just talk with them and see where things lead, whether that be a short chat, a simple friendship or something more. It seems silly to have expectations when you don't even know the person or how you'll get along.
Even if you're nervous or anxious, you think you might not be good enough, doubt my intentions or anything along those lines, still give me a message. After all, what do you have to lose?
Thanks for taking the time to read my little novella, I hope to hear from you soon. So long, and thanks for reading!

Context: i'm [20sF], Asian, living in the West, Muslim family background. Recently I've introduced my partner [20sM], white, born and raised in country I reside, to them.
Fast forward a few months, we're planning our wedding. At first they seemed happy and glad that I've found a life partner. He is very sweet, smart, and respectful, and we've been good friends for a while before relationship.
Both sets of parents have met and wedding talk ensued, we are both very proud of our own cultures and wish to show our respective wedding traditions at the ceremony.
My parents expressed that they're keen on the idea of that and his parents too. Unfortunately, in the midst of planning and weekly call with parents, I snapped.
I was frustrated with them showing disrespect by mocking partner's culture. We've already decided not to do one of his traditions due to them not agreeing to it from a religious standpoint (even though they said they were fine with it at first). I received unnecessary amount of backlash for saying a specific word they didn't like and now they're accusing me of not being proud of my roots when that is not the case at all. I simply wanted the wedding to be fair, 50/50 on traditions.
Bear in mind, my partner's the one who has done the most sacrifice here (converting, wedding not done 100% as to how it usually goes in his tradition, having super high expectations as the leader of the family), and he's been very patient.
Parents have even gone out their way to tell me how his family doesn't have values (simply judging them based on appearance) but his parents have been very welcoming to me and learning about my culture and even welcomed my sibling to the family.
I feel a hint of jealousy as in the religion it says, a daughter's responsibility lies to her in laws after marriage, not her biological parents anymore. Thus, I wouldn't need to look after my biological parents any longer, that becomes my sibling's duty.
Now they see me as a race/culture traitor and ungrateful child when all I want to do is keep the peace in the family by marrying into a kind family that just so happens to not have the same culture.
In my mom's own words, translated,
"there's no such thing as I've abused you. That's not abuse, that's teaching you. Look at yourself in the mirror, is your body disabled? No. If you think you've been mentally abused that's because you have sinned to your parents."
"You haven't made your parents proud"
The past few weeks have been very tough as I keep replaying times when she's said very damaging things to me all in the meanwhile trying to understand things from her point of view. Perhaps she was never shown unconditional love by her own parents, indeed times were tough back then, financially unstable, her family dynamics weren't healthy. I can honestly do nothing to please them.
As I was growing up, they weren't as religious and when they started becoming that way, that's what caused the rift as they changed 180. I was probably 11 when this happened and I was just confused. Everything that were able to do suddenly becomes forbidden and my sibling and I were fear mongered by punishments in hell if we don't obey.
Some of the ridiculous that have stuck to me were:
-that she gets jealous that I had made friends (but more so when I get close to their parents too). I was young and living in a country I didn't grow up in with no one else but my sibling, that was scary at first
-they started to guilt trip me into coming home upon graduation. Job prospects are tough back home and I'd rather make a name here first then garner respect as that's sadly the only way to get it if I were to go back. Actually use the qualifications I have from the tuition fees that my dad worked his ass off for investing in my education. But they'd somehow rather me just sit back in the house and start having a family in this economy. Wanting me to have as many children without thinking about what my partner and I want.

• this one's funny but she used to make fun of the lack of cleavage I have 😂😭 I was only like 16 then too, just changing clothes and out of nowhere she'd make fun of how small they are and said how can I make my husband love me, even went so far to get me to eat fish for the collagen..
  
• complained that I'm too difficult. (Wonder where I got that from😂) there was a time where I felt that the education I was receiving didn't reflect on the very high fees my dad was paying. Frustrated after bottling it in, I reached out to a personal tutor to mention that for international students like me, we deserve high quality teaching standards, not a tutor that mocked everything students worked hard for just to be called the work is shit and not giving us feedback we rightfully should get. In this case, I was frustrated on my parents' behalf. Of course, I did my best and thankfully now able to have a good job in the field.
  
• called me naive and too sensitive for standing up for what I believe in. No need to elaborate on this as it'll just be endless.
  

-puts huge emphasis in appearances. Throws tantrum for not looking/dressing how they want me to, especially in front of other people. That sense of being better than everyone and entitlement to judge others based on how they look is just so shallow. Of course I dress well, presentable, but if I were to play by the book, we should humble in the way we dress and shouldn't judge others.
Sorry for the long rant.. I saw this subreddit and have been reading people's posts, seems like finally there are people I can relate to here.
Hope everyone's on their journey to healing from such experiences.

Hey everyone, after 1.5 years I finally updated my transportation expansion mod.
This is just a quick update and I hope to add more stuff soon. For now this is what's new: -I mainly did some balancing -I finally fixed traffic accidents which were waaaay too high in early game -I also added 3 new policies (DUI awareness campaign, Green streets project, and Wildlife crossings) -I added a new simulation (Cost of Transportation). -Korean translations (Thanks to TwotoolusFLY_LSh.st)
I already have some ideas for future updates: -New simulations (Average travel time and Noise pollution) -New policies (Ban all cars, underground and elevated highways, charging station subsidies, free public transit, and several more) -New situations (Car-free nation, Dangerous roads, Bicycle nation, Public transit overcrowding)
​
I am curious to see what you guys think and be sure to let me know if you have any suggestions for future updates :)
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2674583892&searchtext=

Shattered Throne
Env/Theme: 9.5/10 (cool area, cool story behind it. Love Mara’s throne world and the boss story.
Gameplay: 8/10 nothing special, fun jumping areas.
Total: 17.5
Pit of Heresy
Env/Theme: 9.5/10 (descending a literally pit/dungeons with dungeon like sword traps, sword mechanics, tunnels to hide from ogres.
Gameplay: 8.5/10 fun sword mechanics, hiding from ogres, good jumping puzzle areas
Total:18
Prophecy:
E/T: 9/10 (great environment, great sparrow area and cool hexahedron, and theme of light and dark is cool but the story behind it is wack since we learn nothing of the nine and the drifter just says some shit we already knew at the end (regardless of “prophecies” throughout like a shade of a boss…
Gameplay: 7.5/10 sparrow part is fun, hex is fun, the light and dark shooting gets tedious and annoying on repeated play though especially when it’s inconsistent.
Total: 16.5
Grasp of Avarice
E/T: 9.5/10 (a treasure hunt with traps and the fallen captains on piles of gold filled with clever bits and mechanics)
Gameplay: 9.5/10 (again traps to navigate, sparrows to run with and stop mines, decent boss mechanics and fun launching servitors. The meme hit hard)
Total: 19
Duality
E/T: 8/10 (nightmare realm is cool I suppose, no visuals are awe inspiring, nightmare Caitl is an cool enough boss but the nightmare of Gahlran is a bore, I understand they had to save for the Lightfall campaign boss.)
Gameplay: 7.5/10 (nothing feels too fun here
Total: 15.5
Spire of the Watcher
E/T: 5/10 what is the theme again? Being an electrician? Climbing the tower and descending is cool I suppose.
Gameplay: 5.5/10 (looking down at wires and following them with your eyes isn’t fun…)
Total: 10.5
Ghosts of the Deep
E/T: 10/10 cool idea with a sunken ship, oryx’s body, underwater areas, diving for symbols. Great. Seeing the first boss like a shark underwater is sick!
Gameplay: 8/10 opening needs to show the path better with green smoke, the opening run through water takes a bit too long when repeating but is awesome the first time. First boss diving for symbols is great but too much health. Last boss too many damn ads and one shot arc kills but otherwise super cool and I may be under leveled still.
Total: 18
TL;DR
Best overall award: probably Grasp of Avarice
Most underrated: Pit of Heresy
Most overrated: Prophecy (sorry… maybe I played it too much. It’s still better than Duality and Watcher by far)
Most promising: Ghosts of The Deep (I think it’s a great sign for future dungeons the work and ideas they put in but the boss Health and a couple things need tuning which I doubt they’ll do on this particular dungeon but may consider for the next).

My coworkers all got together and pitched in to give me a cash gift for my wedding. I appreciate it so so much but I haven’t been working here very long, our job is pretty solitary, and they don’t speak much English so I don’t have much to make it personal to each and every person. Is it tacky and seem unappreciative to write the same thing in every thank you card?
This is what I’m planning to write:
Thank you so much for the generous gift you have given in honor of my upcoming wedding. I will never forget the support, kindness and happiness I felt when I was surprised with such a wonderful gift. I haven’t been here long but I am so appreciative of your kindness and I will never forget it.
I need to write 25, so if you have any ideas of switching it up I’ll need them. Thank you!

I am about 4-5 weeks out from my hospital stay, I feel fine but im still scared to change from the soft food diet, I figured its time I stated adding more canned soft cooked veggies like carrots and green beans. Last week my dr said beef is ok as long as its lean and very tender. I would like to slow cook some beef stew today, is this a bad idea? I see conflicting answers on the internet.

Both of our parents are divorced, but the difficulty I’m having is with my dad and how to navigate the mixed family he’s created. He’s what I’d call a serial monogamist, but with long term relationships. Just for ease of writing, I’m giving everybody names:
Dad = dad
Gwen = ex-step mom
Karen = new step mom
Judy = Gwen’s daughter
My dad left Gwen a few years ago for Karen and basically royally screwed up both Gwen and Judy. He literally came home one day to the house they’d lived in for years, told Gwen he was done, and was engaged to Karen less than six months later. Gwen and Judy were close family friends before my dad and Gwen got together, so he’s been in Judys life for nearly her entire life, started dating Gwen when Judy was ~10, and was her “step-dad” for >12 years. He basically just dipped when he left her mom and hasn’t really reached out to her since.
He hasn’t talked to Gwen or Judy since he got engaged to Karen, but I’m still very close with them and would like to have Judy in my bridal party and would like Gwen at the wedding. I’m just very worried because this will be the first time they’ve seen or spoken to my dad in over 4 years. I would like to just call them both and talk about what they’re comfortable with - and if they even want to come knowing that he’ll be there - but want to make sure I handle this tricky situation appropriately.
Anyone ever done this and had it turn out well? Or is it just a horrible idea?

Previous Chapter - Read 10 weeks ahead on Patreon - Read the story so far on Royal Road
*
Chapter Eleven - The Room of Doors
‘Get moving!’
Sara watched the men readying their horses, squinting at the brightness of the stone. The courtyard was full of the sound of boot-steps and creaking leather. Overhead, a thin veil of rippled grey hung over the early winter sky, and the dawn sun tugged gleaming at its edges. Overhead, the dull black shape of an old stormtower bled the sky. Empty, just like the rest of them. There was something very jarring, Sara decided, about the worn jerkins and stubbled cheeks of her father’s men, ensconced in a pillared courtyard of vast stone. They were out of place, and they had been every moment since arriving in Uldoroth, she realised. They didn’t belong here. Her own anxiety was mirrored imperfectly with the relief on their weary faces, and the dark rings under their eyes seemed just a little less deep. There may be Black Hand to deal with, back in the Westmere, but it was home. At least there your enemies had the decency to show themselves. Sara realised she was chewing her lip. At her back, two of the Black Guard waited wordlessly in their gold-touched armour, much more in keeping with the finery of the courtyard, and everything else in the capital. They were waiting to escort her away to the Queen, unaware they found a girl not so eager for the honour as she had been, just a few days before.
‘Father!’ She called out, spying him across the writhing mass of men in their moss green cloaks, but he seemed not to hear her. He was standing near the arched cloister at the far side of the square, cloaked and ready for travel, in hurried conversation with a shaded figure standing beyond the marble facade. She squinted, trying to make out the other man, but there was nothing but a dark shadow to trace.
‘Well then, M’lady.’ A voice said beside her, and she turned to find Halin looking down at her, a kind smile on his broad face. ‘You’ll be a right proper Princess when I next see you, methinks.’
Sara smiled at him and shook her head sheepishly. ‘Uldoroth is not my home, yet, Halin. I won’t forget.’
‘Be careful you don’t, Lady Sara.’ Halin glanced distrustfully at the Black Guard behind her. ‘Lots of fancy folk here. Fancy folk with fancier lies.’
‘I’ll be careful, Halin.’ She told him seriously.
He smiled again, and the sternness dissolved away from his face.
‘Take care, M’Lady.’ He told her, dipping his head politely. She returned the gesture, dropping into a small curtsy.
‘Look after my father, will you?’
‘Always, M’Lady.’
Halin hurried off into the throng in the square, and Sara watched him go, feeling her the knot in her belly tighten. The conversations with her unexpected visitors had left their mark, a nagging uncertainty gnawing at the excitement that had carried her through her first few uneventful days in the capital. The little comfort she had taken in the presence of her father and his men was a loss she could ill afford. She watched her father’s back, frowning softly to herself. Her thoughts were not what she had imagined, when she had thought of him leaving. A hundred different times, and more. Had she expected tears, grief at the parting? Relief? Instead, there was only the fear, a dull, leaden weight in her belly, clammy-cold as marsh-water.
‘Come on, you whoresons! I want to be on the road before lunch!’ Halin roared, and the men quickened their work. Her father had not moved, still deep in conversation, just out of sight. She peered a little closer, and for a moment the pale sunlight crept over the top of the square, flashing against a colourful doublet marked with a silver brooch. The Fox’s lips barely moved as he spoke from the shadows of the cloister, and her father was scowling. Sara frowned.
‘Mount up!’
The ornate wagon that had been her home all those weeks trundled into the square, then, drawn by a pair of stout horses. Sara saw her father turn reluctantly towards it, striding out into the square. Sara peered past him into the cloister, and for a moment Lord Bywood’s sharp eyes caught hers. Then he smiled, dipping his dark, smooth head, and vanished himself away into the shadows.
‘Father!’
Sara hurried out into the crowded square, leaving her escort behind, darting between the shifting limbs of the horses. Her father turned towards her as she approached, and smiled small smile, in two parts, one weary, one sad.
‘Sara.’
She threw her arms around him and pressed her head against his chest for a moment, and he put an arm around her shoulders. She knew her role, and the knowing of it made her safe for a moment. Then she stepped back, looking up at him.
‘I thought you were going to leave without saying goodbye.’
‘I… There was much preparation to do.’
Sara did not reply. His eyes had that same distance that they had had since they arrived in the capital. Uldoroth had worn at him, as if all the brightness and finery had made his skin dull, eyes darkened like the contrast of shadows in bright sun.
‘Will you write?’
He blinked as she spoke, then smiled, and the tiredness fell away from him for a moment. He took her chin gently in one hand, tilting it up to meet his eyes.
‘Yes, I will write.’ He told her, and she saw again that fierce ambition in his eyes, the look she had known so well on their journey from the Westmere. Swollen around the soft, lazy ease of diminished strength. ‘And I shall expect news in return. The Rose of Westmere will show these fools how a real lady charms.’
Sara smiled and lowered her eyes self-consciously.
‘I… I will not disappoint you, father.’ She said quietly, and found, in spite of herself, that there were tears in her eyes.
‘See that you do not.’ He replied. Then he let go of her chin and climbed quickly into the carriage. He leaned out from the window for a moment, before they were gone, banging a hand against the wooden panels of the door impatiently.
‘Move out!’
‘You heard him!’ Halin bellowed in response, holding his horse in check beneath him. ‘Back to Westmere, before your wives go straying!’
With that, her father’s men spurred their horses away into the white corridors of the citadel, bound for the sky-cages and the city below. They had arrived on foot, leading their steeds, but they left by horseback, hurried by grave purpose towards the long road west. She watched the window of the carriage as it trundled away with the horses, but her father did not appear again. She stayed there, staring after them, until the party were out of sight and the great gate of the keep heaved closed behind them, slamming into the distant stone with a resounding thud.
‘M’Lady.’
She turned to find the Black Guard waiting, watching her with dark eyes through the narrow slits of their polished helms. For a moment, the suddenness of the departure threatened to overwhelm her. What was it he had told her, slurring over his unfinished dinner, in the pristine perfection of their lodgings, surrounded by invisible eyes? Power belongs to the strong. To those who take it. Just then, standing in the courtyard, watching alone as her father departed, she realised that he was right. And he wasn’t strong enough. She took a deep breath, smiling for the Black Guard, and followed them out of the ancient courtyard into the halls beyond.
*
The broad, open avenues and garden-ways of the Keep of Eranor closed in to interior corridors rather quickly, when you knew the way, and soon Sara was following her black-gilded escort through pale passageways lined with statuettes and tapestries, ceilings lost far overhead to the flickering light of amber flames. An occasional glimpse of pale sunlight leaped out across the stone floor, shimmering through shifting motes of dust. Sara was her Lady-self again, graceful and poised, gliding over the polished floor after her escort. The giant corridors were a maze of twists and turns, past fragment-views of gardens and libraries and sitting-halls and galleries, but she was dimly aware they were moving towards the Hall of the King. The thought made her a little giddy.
‘Will I be received in the King’s Hall?’ She asked as they walked, but the Black Guards didn’t reply, and their armour clinked in the quiet. Sara frowned, following them. The passage curved, rising, and she found that the wall on her right side suddenly gave way to the hall below. One of the galleries, set high in the rafters of the King’s Hall. She stopped, putting her hand on the balustrade and peering out over the ledge, into the vaulted, silent emptiness of the hall. Some fifty foot below, the patterned black and white marble of the floor gleamed in flashes of reflected amber, quiet and empty. At the far end, pale sunlight caught the Night Throne, setting fire in the mirrored stone. Overhead, the matching nightglass ceiling gleamed like a lake in starlight, and swirling figures swept back and forth across it in the shifting light of the chamber. Sara felt a little thrill run over her neck.
‘Sara.’
Sara blinked, starting, and found Dana standing beside her.
‘Sister!’ Sara took hold of her sister’s hands and rose onto her tiptoes, pressing a kiss against her cheek. ‘Here to welcome me into the fold?’
She was struck again by the strangeness of her sister, the difference in her. Dana wore black, a dress of simple lines and inlaid jet, at once relaxed and taut as a lute string. Her pale hands were folded over her belly, and her muddy dark hair was pulled back into a bun. The Black Guards halted behind her, waiting.
‘I am to escort you to the Queen’s chambers.’ Dana said simply. With that she turned and began to walk away along the balcony, towards a closed door at the throne-end of the hall. Sara frowned, hurrying after her.
‘Do the King and Queen not share chambers?’ She asked as they walked, and the hall below drew on beside them.
‘Their Majesties prefer… to keep their own space.’
The Black Guard fell into step at a respectful distance behind them, armoured heels clicking against the stone.
‘How many others are there?’
‘How many what?’
‘Handmaidens. How many does her Majesty keep?’
Dana did not break stride. ‘Two others, and the Matron.’
‘I suppose we shall not have servants of our own.’ Sara said quietly, eyeing the shadows shifting over the nightglass ceiling. ‘No need to spy on us when we are so close.’
‘Sara-’ Dana began, but Sara cut her off.
‘Father is gone, you know. This morning.’
‘I know.’ Dana replied, looking ahead.
‘You did not come to see him.’
Dana did not turn.
‘I’m sure he will miss you terribly, sister.’
Sara bristled suddenly, grabbing her sister’s arm.
‘I did not ask for it!’
Dana looked down at the hand on her arm, frowning. ‘What?’
‘Any of it!’ Sara told her, angry now, her whisper cracking. ‘I didn’t ask to stay. I didn’t ask him to send you away. I would have given anything to go with you. I thought he would never let me leave.’ She lowered her voice, flicking an eye back towards the waiting guards. ‘I did not ask for the way he… the way he…’
She took a breath, swallowing, and straightened, looking her sister in the eye.
‘There are worse things than being ignored, Dana.’
Dana’s hand folded over hers.
‘Let’s… let’s put it behind us.’ She said quietly. ‘You are here, now.’
Sara blinked at her, nodding. She wanted to say more, but her words would not come, locked away from her tongue by the choked gulping of her breath. She lowered her eyes, and Dana squeezed her hand.
‘Sara, listen to me.’ Dana murmured, leaning close. ‘You must be careful. The Queen-’
The door at the far end of the gallery swung open, creaking on its hinges. The pair fell silent, frozen, and whatever Dana might have said, she held instead.
*
‘Wait here.’
The Matron, the head of the Queen’s Keepers, was an elderly woman with rounding hips and hair the colour of ash tied into a tight bun behind the worn-leather creases of her forehead. She was wearing black, same as Dana, though her smock was somehow plainer, when she opened the door onto the gallery, ushering the sisters wordlessly into the corridor beyond. Dana had bowed her head deferentially, withering under the Matron’s hard eyes, and quickly disappeared into one of the many doors of the hallway. Sara almost asked for her to stay, but instead she steeled herself, remembering her lessons, and followed the stern old woman down the long, flickering hallway. The corridors of the keep were all severe, all lit by weak, flickering torchlight and gleaming the gleam of cold stone, but here they were particularly bare. There were no busts, no tapestries, no mosaics. Nothing but cold, dead rock, lent a little life by the dim thrustings of infrequent braziers. In her own apartments, she had understood the quiet, but here, in the keep proper, there was an eery silence to the corridors that jarred with Sara’s anticipation. Where were the nobles in their gay clothes, where was the music and laughter of a King’s Hall? Sara frowned to herself, and kept walking.
The room at the end of the hallway was broad and rounded, like a kind of circle made out of many flat edges, each holding the low light of a brazier. The marble floors were black and white and patterned like a gamesboard, empty but for a broad nightwood table at its centre, matching the room itself for its odd roundness. On the far side, a wall of shutters opened out onto a large, bare balcony, and over the intricately wrought stone balustrade, Sara could see the City of the Moon below, sweeping away towards the edge of the Heartspire, empty stormtowers stabbing black into the sky. Beyond, the great emerald plains of Valia stretched out into the west, past the fiery line of the river Arq, scored with jagged, dark rock and silver streams. Sara swallowed, realising she’d never been so high up.
‘Wait here.’
‘But-‘ She protested, frowning, but the Matron was already gone, turned on her heel and disappeared back the way she had come. Sara flinched as the door slammed shut behind her, and the silence of the room prickled at her skin. The breeze rustled over the balcony, swirling about the pillared windows, but the air inside was still as the grave. She stepped slowly over to the table, touching the polished wood. This much nightwood would have cost more than a wagonload of gold. She traced the knotted lines across the black surface, trying to ignore the cold weight churning in her gut.
Time stretched on around her, and the minutes dragged by like years. Despite the open air flooding through the windows, the chamber was not cool, warmed by the subtle glow of the braziers, and she felt a little wetness beginning to build under her arms. She looked about herself, trying to calm her heart. There were four other doors in the room, besides the one they had entered through, all dark and heavy looking, and each bore a pattern of silver on its face. There was a cradle, and opposite it, a pendant with teeth like a wolf. Beside the cradle door, a small drinks table, a glass jug of purple wine atop it, with a pair of matching glasses. The two doors closest to the balcony bore a sun and a crescent moon. She looked a little closer, and realised that the markings were not moonsilver, merely an imitation in gleaming silver paint, and the door she had entered through bore no markings at all. Sara watched them, imagining the rooms that lay behind each. Which one was the Queen behind, she wondered, and her heart quickened at the thought, stomach churning. She was stranded, here, now, in the capital. What if the Queen didn’t like her? What if she said something wrong? Would she be sent away again, back to her father?
‘Lady Westmere.’
The crescent moon had swung open, and the Queen glided through, a beautiful shadow in a studded black dress, arms glistening with little sharpened sequins the colour of midnight. Her hair had been contorted into an elaborate maze of raven curls over her pate, and her pale skin took on a translucent sheen in the pale light from the balcony doors. The throat of her dress was open, as it had been in the King’s Hall all those days ago, and she wore the same golden necklace, its myriad points sharp like daggers with their drops of ruby blood.
Sara blinked, then remembered herself, and dropped into a low curtsy, bowing her head.
‘Your Majesty.’ She said quietly, keeping her eyes on the floor.
The Queen did not reply. Sara was dimly aware of her shadow moving across the floor, crossing to the drinks table beside the cradle door. Sara risked a glance up, then, and found the Queen’s slender back to her. When she at last turned, she had a glass goblet of wine clutched in her narrow fingers. Sara lowered her eyes again.
‘You are a pretty one, aren’t you.’ The Queen said quietly, as if to herself. Her voice was cold, like ice leaking over lakewater, deep and still. She took a sip from her cup, and Sara could feel the cut of her eyes against her skin. ‘What did the Weasel of Westmere do to sire such a pretty daughter. Your sister, maybe, I understand, but you…’
Sara forced herself not to frown.
‘Well trained, I see.’ The Queen murmured, smiling coldly. She took another sip of her wine. ‘Your mother’s touch, I assume, not your father’s.’
Sara hesitated. She glanced up at the Queen, then lowered her eyes again, nodding.
‘I hear she is unwell.’
Sara looked up again, braver this time, and found the Queen’s dark eyes watching her over the rim of her glass.
‘She has an affliction, Your Majesty. She does not eat, and rarely sleeps. The Keepers say it is a disease of her mind.’
‘The one thing none of us can escape.’ The Queen sighed, toying idly with her glass and looking out of the window over the city below. ‘Still, there are worse places to be sickly than a Lord’s hall.’
‘I suppose… I suppose that is true, Your Majesty.’
The Queen raised an eyebrow. ‘Suppose, do you?’
Sara squirmed for a moment under the weight of her eyes, but then the Queen turned away, stepping slowly around the edge of the table till she was standing beside the open windows. She took another sip of her wine, back to Sara again.
‘Your sister met you, this morning.’
Sara hesitated, thrown for a moment by the abruptness of the statement.
‘Yes, Your Majesty.’
‘And she came to you yesterday, in the apartments Bywood found for you.’
‘Yes.’ Sara felt the cold weight return in her belly. She thought of what the Fox had warned her. There is always someone watching. She cast her mind back to her conversations with Dana. Gods. What had they spoken of? Had she said something out of turn?
‘Curious, that she did not seek out your father.’
Sara let out her breath slowly. That was not a particularly well-hidden curiosity.
‘Dana must have been very busy, Your Majesty.’
‘She is as busy as I make her, and that is rarely too taxing.’
Sara sighed. ‘They have… sometimes not seen eye to eye.’
‘And you?’ The Queen turned as she spoke, fixing her eyes to Sara’s again. Behind her, the distant sounds of the city drifted lazily up through the air, swirling around far-off columns of wispy smoke. ‘What do you say of him?’
Sara hesitated again, stuttering. ‘He is my father, Your Majesty. I trust that he always knows what is best for his daughters.’
‘In my experience it is fathers who know the least about their own daughters.’ The Queen replied dryly, sipping again. ‘Come, let me look at you, then.’
She came back around the nightwood table, her long, narrow limbs gliding over the polished floor, and stopped in front of Sara, setting her glass down beside them. She took Sara’s chin in two spindly fingers and tilted it upwards so that she was looking her in the eye, only a few inches from her face. Sara realised again how tall she was, as tall as her father, at least, though her slender frame made her seem much smaller. She tried not to squirm, but she found that the Queen’s fingers dug uncomfortably into her chin, dark eyes flitting back and forth across her face like a hungry wolf.
‘Yes, very pretty.’ She said at last, not releasing her chin. Sara could feel her breath on her face, smelling softly of dark wine. ‘No wonder. You look like her, you know.’
‘Who-‘ but the Queen had already turned away, back to the table, picking up her wineglass in one bone-stretched hand.
‘The Matron will meet you outside. She will give you your tasks and show you to your chamber. You will begin tomorrow.’
Sara flinched, realising she had been holding her breath. She curtsied to the Queen’s back, suddenly a little giddy.
‘Thank you, Your Majesty.’
‘You may go, girl.’
Sara turned to go, not at all sure what to make of the encounter. She paused at the door, looking back over her shoulder, but found the Queen looking out over the city silently again, wineglass in hand, black dress glistening with jet. Sara hesitated a moment longer, then hurried out into the corridor beyond the unmarked door, closing it behind her.
*
The night before her father leaves, she wakes in darkness.
She does not open her eyes, but she knows it is not yet dawn. The sounds of the garden beyond her shutters are soft and murmuring, wind-stirred and drip-spotted.
She can feel him over her, the tense stillness of him, closer than shadows. He smells of wine. Sweat. She is cold, but she does not move. She dares not move. She can feel the weight of his eyes, dulled with drink, tracing the lines of her. His breathing sounds like anger.
She does not know how long she waits there, frozen. But she does not open her eyes. Not once. Time stretches out before her in that moment, an eternity of breathless terror.
Then he leaves. The smell of him lingers long after the door has closed behind him. She lays there a while longer, motionless, dead as stone. Then she curls into her own arms, and weeps silently until the dawn.

Some context: I (male) married back in 2020 to a girl I met in college. We'd been dating for 4ish years and had known her for 2 years more. A little after a year into our marriage, I was medically diagnosed with depression.
Now, some of my depression symptoms started maybe a year or two before getting married - gradually increasing apathy & fatigue, and decreasing energy & motivation. I really started noticing it more within the 12 months prior to marriage. It mostly exhibited itself in low energy and lack of motivation despite having a job I loved. Maybe it was because I moved away from a great college life to a city where I didn't know a soul.
So all that's going on... then in 2020, I left said job I loved to move to a town to get married to the girl. Of course, 2020 is going on all the while. Couldn't find a job for a couple months. Eventually got an offer at a job I only kind of wanted, started the week after our wedding (August 2020), and proceeded to be discontent with that job for the next year and a half. Late 2021 came the official diagnosis. Since then, my feelings about my job have improved and I've been promoted and given lots of opportunity, so overall I feel better about my job.
So all that was the context, which gets me to my main point - While depression may have started before our marriage, I think our marriage is sustaining depression. That started shortly after our wedding, when my wife and I started to discover that we can't have s*x. We'd later find out she had a microperforated himen (extra thick and painful tissue with no real opening). About a year later, she had that surgically removed, but the issue didn't resolve as she was also dealing with [email protected] (extreme sensitivity). I was patient, gracious, and loving for a long time, but I've grown impatient and increasingly resentful over nearly 3 years. We've successfully pene+rated only 3 or 4 times, and only one of those was enjoyable for both of us. She also has a much lower s*x drive than me, so my s*xual needs aren't being met, not even close.
Now, I'll be intentionally vague here, but we are also both religious. Because of that, she's not really willing to "explore" alternatives. Also because of our religion, divorce isn't really an option I'll realistically consider, and I knew that going into marriage. Regardless, over the last year or so, divorce has been on my mind constantly. I find myself wishing I'd never married. I miss the life I was starting to build for myself in my last city, because even though I was maybe still dealing with depression, I was enjoying myself there. I had freedom to spend my money and have fun and do what I want, but my wife is very conservative with money and hates when I spend, so I don't feel like I can do anything I want. Somehow I also ignored how different our interests and personalities actually were while we were dating.
So here's what that has to do with depression - I think I was able to manage my depression, even without meds, before we wed. But, I think all these issues we've dealt with have caused my depression to persist, even with meds. I've always been a pretty gracious, understanding, and forgiving person, I think, but I've become so bitter and resentful and full of hate (I'm not sure I've ever actually hated anyone til now)... but I can't divorce. So I just feel super stuck.
Worse, my wife has no idea I feel this way, I don't think. I've told her that some of my depression may be sustained by some of the issues we've dealt with, but she has no idea how resentful I've become of her. And I don't want to say anything, because assuming we stay together, I don't want that fear to hang over her and over our relationship for the rest of our lives. So she thinks everything is fine, while I have no idea how I'm going to deal with this the rest of my life.
I have no f*cking idea how to keep living with this (metaphorically only; thankfully, self-harm hasn't been one of my symptoms).
EDIT: I'm posting this looking for people's thoughts, opinions, advice, etc. Of course, I'll have to be the one to decide to do something. Thanks in advance.