House cleaning jobs

Men's Rights :: Advocating for the social and legal equality of men and boys since 2008

2008.03.19 17:17 Men's Rights :: Advocating for the social and legal equality of men and boys since 2008

At the most basic level, men's rights are the legal rights that are granted to men. However, any issue that pertains to men's relationship to society is also a topic suitable for this subreddit. Men's rights are influenced by the way men are perceived by others. WARNING: Some other subs have bots that will ban you if you post or comment here.

2013.06.08 22:14 flignir Am I the Asshole?

A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /AITAFiltered!

2014.09.24 14:14 AlishaSims All for housekeeping

You can post here everything related to home inprovement, maintenance, cleaning.

2023.03.26 14:21 FlipFlopsAndUnicorns What the Actual F

My daughter is 7 and I have a newly turned 1yr old boy (excuse me while I sit in the corner and cry a little lol), am I being completely unreasonable in asking her to clean up her messes that she makes in shared areas that her brother is in to avoid him going after her things? He's crawling like a mad man, furniture walking/climbing and getting into whatever he can cuz he's learning. Apparently according to my mom, that's completely unreasonable and I should be the one cleaning up after her whenever she's done playing with and or creating something. That's what was said to me during his party because 'you're the head of the house and it's your responsibility to clean'
submitted by FlipFlopsAndUnicorns to Mommit [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 14:18 drewfire571 [WTT] Send it Sunday! Mens suits 38r jacket and 30x30 pants

birthday suit
Three suit sets from J. Ferrar These are for my tactical James Bond’s out there! They fit fantastic and are modern
Gray - 38r jacket and 30x30 pants
Dark blue - 38r jacket and 30x30 pants
Light blue - 38r jacket and 30x32 pants
Dark gray vest - size small
These suits are in great shape. Non smoking house. No pets. You could get by without dry cleaning!
I am looking for $250 TV
Will trade for……… really open to anything cool at this point! I’d rather see these suits get some use rather than sit in my closet.
I like watches, knives, Tits and guns. multicam RDS safariland holster, Glock gen5 parts, glock optic height sights, brown leather Glock 19 holsters OWB or shoulder, or cash!
submitted by drewfire571 to GunAccessoriesForSale [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 14:17 MoneyKilla25 Just had the craziest dream where the Moon smashed into Earth.

So the dream started out with me finally starting my new job (the real life new job for which I'll be starting this May).
Everything seemed normal (by dream standards) but one person was talking about how the ground is so unstable that it has waves due to global warming.
I'm not really a believer of global warming but in the dream I was kind of afraid and ready to believe anything.
Next scene that happens, I drive home and get out of my car. It's already dark outside and I could see a million stars in the sky. But then a good 80% of the brightest stars just fall down like fairy dust so the sky now only has like 25 stars in my view.
After that, the Moon starts to speed up its orbit around Earth so much that I could see it shoot across the sky like a meteor!
Someone told me in the dream "That's normal it happens once every million years or some shit".
After I go inside my house, next thing I know I'm driving through New York City at pretty much the same hour in the day (which is impossible because I actually live in Toronto). Anyway, I get away from my car and decided to climb a building (like parkour) and when I got to the top, I see the Moon so big and so much closer to Earth that I almost didn't believe it. Then it starts coming closer and closer until eventually it impacts Earth, and I see it bounce off leaving a fresh crater on the Moon as it flys back into space. The building I'm on tips over and I almost fell off because of the shockwave. I felt lucky that the moon didn't hit North America but instead hit the Asian side but I knew this would cause controversy.
Luckily I got off the building safely and I manage to make it home (somehow). When I get home, I send out a tweet saying "THE MOON JUST SMASHED INTO EARTH WTF!!!!".
Then I wake up still wondering if I'm in reality.
submitted by MoneyKilla25 to Dreams [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 14:15 Organic-Composer-921 how to tell my dad he is a slob when he’s with me

not sure if this is the right sub for this but i couldn’t find one for fathers specifically.
anyways my 23f father 50m is a complete slob when he stays at my house. i live in a 1/1 with my dog & he comes over to stay for the weekend s every once in a while.
however, when he does stay with me he leaves the toilet seat up & pee droplets all over the bathroom. doesn’t do his dishes, like purposely will make coffee in the morning & leave it there till i get up. doesn’t even wash the fork he eats with. leaves coffee ground all over the kitchen.
now i’m not saying i expect him to clean when he hear because this is my home & he’s my guest. but i don’t know how to tell him that it bothers me that he’s like that. oh i should also point out i accidentally left my vibrator out in the shower one time & he pointed it out by saying “i found a duck in the shower” instead of just simply ignoring it. i would’ve put it away the next time i went to the bathroom.
i am very OCD & slightly on the autism spectrum so he knows how i am.
can anyone help?
submitted by Organic-Composer-921 to Parenting [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 14:14 sapphicmage Genealogy of the Holy War no boys allowed: Chapter 1

Another chapter down! I was initially worried about this one after how the prologue ended. Ethlyn was out of money and running low on slim sword uses. Fortunately, chapter 1 introduces our saving grace: the arena. As a Paladin, Ethlyn breezed through it and earned enough money to buy Sigurd’s silver sword, repair her slim sword, and buy one of the other boy’s iron sword for good measure (and still had a decent sum after that). Like the prologue, this chapter can be broken up into clear sections.
First: saving Edain and Dew. Edain might not have any combat capabilities yet but having someone who can heal Ethlyn is important so we want to save her. I was able to do a similar strategy to what I had to do for Lex and Azelle, except much easier to execute. Edain and Dew can safely outrun the enemies chasing them and the layout of the map makes it pretty easy to stay out of range of the enemies attacking the castle. It takes a little naked bodyguard action at the end to get everyone IN the castle, but we get it done. A slight problem arises with Ethlyn’s evasion (namely that with the slim sword it’s so high that she won’t be targeted), but swapping her to the silver sword fixes that when she’s outside of the castle.
Second: Defending the castle. This is a very familiar position, but we’re significantly stronger now. It’s not hard, just tedious. The enemy is so afraid of Ethlyn’s power that they won’t attack her, so it’s a lot of hit and runs to take them out (slowed down by no pursuit). Once we finally clear the enemies out, it’s time for the biggest challenge of the map.
Third: taking the first castle and recruiting Ayra. For this type of run, we absolutely HAVE to get Ayra. We need a more consistent boss killer and I am dying for a unit with pursuit. This is a very slow run anyway so her not being mounted isn’t an issue. Problem is, she’s actively hostile and can’t be talked to until AFTER the castle has been seized. So, we’ll need to distract her. We send naked Alec, Noishe, and Midayle to the western side of the castle, with Noishe exactly in range of the left most axe user. This sends the entire group (well minus one which Ethlyn takes down on her way to setup at the castle) west so Ethlyn and her boys can take the castle. We set them up like before, Sigurd and Quan on either side of her, and she quickly gets a pair of crits to take the castle. Meanwhile, Noishe is killed by an axe man and Alec bravely sacrifices himself to draw Ayra back towards the castle once Sigurd seizes it. RIP Christmas Cavs, your sacrifice will not be in vein.
Fourth: the second castle. From here, it’s an absolute cake walk. We let Ayra clear the arena and then have her buy the silver sword. We no longer need Quan or Sigurd’s support service as Ethlyn and Ayra easily take out the castle (with Edain healing their wounds). We’ve also had Dew talk to Edain so she now has a warp staff for more exp (will she end up promoting this run? Jury’s still out).
Fifth: the last castle. We let Jamke’s gang head towards us. Edain recruits him as soon as he gets close (he gets a few hits on Ayra but fortunately no crits). We might not be able to use him, but we may need an extra body at some point (especially since we lost Alec and Noishe) or something he can give to one of the ladies (if nothing else Brigid might like the killer bow). Then we recruit Deirdre, backtrack to let her get some levels/gold in the arena, and take on the last castle. Deirdre’s silence neuters his magic and the sword girls clean up.
Total turn count: 163
The turn count’s not as bad as it looks. Most of that’s from the pre-Ayra portion and it noticeably sped up afterwards. We actually have an army now! Ethlyn did her job and now we have tools to handle the rest. The silver sword has hit the 50 kill mark and the slim sword is just shy at 48.
Now we have to start really thinking about the kids and fathers. Chapter 2 is where I’ll really have to start attaching people to the hip to make sure they fall for who I want them to fall for. I’d rather not have to murder someone for falling for the wrong person. At this point the silver sword stays with Ayra. Lachesis will love it and so will I when I’m having to solo with her. The slim sword could be very useful…Nanna could use it for turtling chapter 7, but maybe Patty would also like it to increase her survivability. We’ll see what else we can get.
At this point, the hardest part should be over. My biggest concern now is chapter 7 and trying to keep Patty and Nanna alive.
submitted by sapphicmage to fireemblem [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 14:12 Huge_Active_3672 How do I (26M) support my fiancée (26f) through despair?

I've been with my fiancée for over 3 years. Things have been amazing. We communicate well, trust each other, and we've never had any issues between us.
Every few months, my fiancée will go through a moment where she feels overwhelmed and anxious. She tells me that thinking about all the suffering in the world and how the system works and how we have no choice but to be a part of it makes her not want to be a part of it (insinuating that she wants to unalive herself so that she can escape from it since there is no other place to escape to). She feels that sitting around doing nothing is being unproductive and that so many people around her are doing things and she feels like she's not accomplished.
It's clear to me that regardless of anything she needs professional help, and we've been working on arranging that. I want to be of more help to her. I do talk her through her anxiety and the best I can and she feels better but she goes back to this hole again later.
We are going through financial struggles at the moment with the wedding and all, and she's having trouble finding a better job. Her mother, who lives with us, doesn't help at all as she's extremely toxic but as a single child she feels like she cannot abandon her. Her mother treats her very poorly, demands money from her and makes her clean her messes. Overall I can tell she is one of the reasons my fiancée feels the way she does and when I confronted her mom, she made my fiancée feel even worse.
Is there anything more I can do for her in this situation?
submitted by Huge_Active_3672 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 14:11 NoContextVent We are trapped and I have been backed into a corner

Hey people of reddit, I hope everyone has had a wonderful day/night! So I(21) am not really good at getting my thoughts on paper while still making sense, so please bear with me!
I have known my SO (20) since she was born, we were great childhood friends and did everything together whenever we could. Skip a few school years due to our parents moving to different sides of the city, while we stayed in touch as best as we could. We started to stop talking im guessing because "out of sight out of mind " but eventually our parents had a little get together decided to share a house and then moved in with us. It was great apart from my rapist sibling who sexually assaulted my SO from the age of 6 until she was 12, and myself from 5-10, we never spoke about what he was doing to us, we didn't know that we were both being assaulted. While that was happening my MIL was using my mother to look after her while she went off being an escort and doing drugs, and not even using that money to look after her child and somehow always being behind or skipping a month's rent (using my mum to pay more than her share). After a while my mum gave up and told her to move out, then my MIL decided to distance herself from us because my mum "abandoned her in a time of need" (lived together for over 1.6 years)
And again we stopped talking until I went to the same school as her(I moved nearby).
So when we finally realised that we had very strong feelings for each other, and decided to start seeing each other when we were 18 and 19, we decided since we already knew pretty much everything about each other's life (or so we thought) I decided to stay at her house (closer to my work) and help with her relationship with her mother as they were arguing and fighting a lot. Over the last 2 years things have gone from AMAZING to depression.
In my mind it is mainly because of her mum, when we started dating (MIL had way too many pets, we constantly stressed how bad this living situation is but she said 'at least cats don't stab you in the back!?' Like what the fuck?!) So her house always smells of shit and piss because she barely cleaned up after them and was embarrassed about it.. saying that it's never like this and she's going to get on top of it and keep it clean, well that lasted about 2 months until she gave up on cleaning and herself. MIL started drinking more and going back into party drugs slowly leaving more and more responsibility on us, and just when we thought things were getting better she "sheltered" fucking 3 pregnant stray cats when she already had 5 cats and other pets, to help with her motherly urge to protect and nurture things. In the long run her motivation to clean, look after kittens, and work was just too much for her and found comfort in a partner. Since finding this amazing person she has slowly left that motherly urge to protect, love and care for her daughter and pets to revert back into her highschooler self leaving us with all the responsibility and stress, no money, no help and no sympathy or empathy for us at all. Because as she lives ten blocks away from her own house (us) with her new partner she pretends that everything is fine and still has the nerve to pretend that nothing happened and invite us to dinner at his house because we can no longer use our kitchen because of the animals over running it.
So I believe that it is wired into her brain that she can do whatever she wants and if you don't like it, it's your fault and you have no right being mad at her cause her life was a lot worse. (She's gone through her own past traumas).
What's even worse is because of all this my partner is too anxious and depressed to get a job so we are trapped here until she starts to feel better, and also that her mum is the only family my SO has so my partner is really wanting to keep her friendship with her mum..(and that is completely understandable) but she has mentioned to her mum multiple times that we are not happy and really need help, but it never arrives so that's why I had a bit of a snap and wrote quite an emotional message for her.. and here it is....
Sorry for all the backstory let's hope this makes sense now. This was a message that I was very close to pressing send I just thought it might add some insight on how our life is going!😁
Hey _____
This is going to be shocking, arrogant and just straight up rude but i have had it, i am sick of playing pretend about our life being all happy and shit. I really dont know how to say it apart from this....
Just first these are my thoughts and a little of my partners she defends you to the ends of the earth but the truth is in my eyes you really do not deserve it.
How can a 40yr old woman treat her kid and myself like we are house maids for a irresponsible pet owner that has abandoned ship to go live with a great person so her life doesn't feel as shitty..
I dont want to say this but what makes you think that you can just give up on your responsibilities as a parent and animal owner leave us day in and day out to clean after stray animals you brought into the house on top of YOUR original pets (5) which is too many to begin with..
Making your daughter and myself either clean a whole house daily to avoid the smell of shit and piss(WHICH WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY OR WILLPOWER TO DO EVERYDAY!) And when we do clean it takes 12hours to get back to how it was or sit in the matchbox of a room and try to not to go crazy while listening to constant animal noises and the house falling apart
Just how do you stay there 10 blocks away doing coke and drinking alcohol like you are 18.. with no responsibility
Instead of being a adult and fixing your problems you decided to shift them onto kids with no money and if this continues no fucking future
How do you expect us to be happy ____ please I really want to know what you have been telling yourself to help you sleep at night because if you thinks this is ok... YOU NEED FUCKING THERAPY AND A LOT OF IT
How can we live and learn to love life if we are trapped in this fucking hell hole of house
Which I can say is doing absolute wonders for your daughters and my relationship
I really dont know why I posted this maybe so she sees this, maybe because I really need advice on how to keep our relationships because as you can hopefully tell by the "message" I am about to go ballistic and need another view on this😅
submitted by NoContextVent to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 14:07 shinigami1042 Gf(24F) is detached from me(26M). Need advice.

Can anyone help me with a GF situation ?
Hi I am 26 (M) and I have a GF 24(F).We stay in Bangalore, India. We're in a relationship for 5 years now.
I was in a very low point of my life and she helped and motivated me to be a better person career wise.
Past few months I have been doing everything for both of us, got a new house, a vehicle, started hanging out with her friends, did a lot during valentine's week (which I normally don't) , have been showering her with gifts cause of new job and been spending more time with her.
Still she leaves house and goes to her friend's place whenever she gets a chance. She always hangs out with friends (guys; rarely a girl. ) She won't do anything wrong. She's loyal and I trust her.
But whenever it comes to us going out she's lazy or tired. She kills my excitement again and again. She argues with me over petty and small things. Since i have become more responsible towards everything, she calls me "Uncle" again and again.
I don't know what to do to bring back our spark. She hasn't done anything worthwhile for me since sometime, not that I expect anything. I just don't know what else to do.
Please help.
TLDR; GF of 5 years has become detached after my job change. I have been doing everything for her yet she seems unhappy with me rather always wants to hangout with her friends. I need help to find the spark again.
submitted by shinigami1042 to relationships_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 14:05 pinkfartsglitter Pete the fish for an upgrade to his house - i just cleaned the tank do i need to put anything extra for the snail/shrimp/algae fish to eat?

Pete the fish for an upgrade to his house - i just cleaned the tank do i need to put anything extra for the snail/shrimp/algae fish to eat? submitted by pinkfartsglitter to Aquariums [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 14:03 veroshnim Move in or breakup ultimatum by my[22M] GF[22F] who was kicked out from her parents house

TLDR Gf of 3 years has to move out of her parents house, wants me to do so too with her but I’m conflicted about it.
Me and my gf of 3 years, both live with our parents. she is a student and I’m working a full time job, we live a few minutes away from each other.
She was basically told to find her own place since she can’t stop arguing with her parents about politics and veganism (her parents take everything personally in those fields, and she can’t hold herself from taking baits on those topics), bottom line she has to move out.
She told me she wants me to move out as well and if I don’t we are over, because she says it won’t workout between us if she rents alone or with roommates.
Thing is, this is a very big deal for me for multiple reasons.
I cant imagine us separating or my life without her right now, and I also know that there are a bunch of reasons in favor of moving in with her (privacy, our own place to do whatever we want, etc) but it feels like having a gun pointed at my head - “make a decision”.
I know it’s maybe egotistical of me, that I only stay with her because it’s easy and comfortable for me at the moment, but it’s easier said than done to just break up while everything is supposedly fine, and I don’t wanna break up yet (yet as in - we maybe can last forever even if I have my doubts, not as in I’m someday for sure breaking up with her.. still figuring it out)
I need more time to assess whether or not I want to be with her for life or not, and I know it might not be that big of a deal but like, moving in together and only moving out if we break up, is that not a big saying?
This is hard to explain.. I hope anyone could give me some advice and how you see this situation, not a common one I guess? Idk. Thanks :)
submitted by veroshnim to relationships [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 14:00 AutoModerator What's going on this week? What's for sale? Jobs, Housing, Personals, and more! March 26, 2023 - April 01, 2023

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submitted by AutoModerator to madisonwi [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:58 youngbrokecalote Employer Harassment

I worked for this family for nearly a year as an aupair. They have a nanny who was morally harassing me during my free time. Whenever I wasn't working and she was, she found a way to shout or accuse me of something I didn't do. As I was a live-in, had nowhere else to go. The family never helped me deal with this unhappy person, and still made me share a house with her on their uncountable trips. She used to left all her mess and filth for me to clean up. She used drugs and during her psychotic episodes, she took it out on me repeatedly.
I requested a rematch on a Friday, and they kicked me out of the house and never paid me for the week I worked. They also never reimbursed me for the car they made me rent in my name, for a trip that I had to cancel because they wanted me to work for them before the agreed period, and for food, which I had to pay for myself because the person in charge (the nanny) never bought food for me. I have proof of everything.
The aupair agency that was supposed to be responsible for me has a local coordinator who did not help me find housing, threatened to call the police on me, and when I was leaving the house, she blocked the street with her car and filmed me without my consent, accusing me of theft, and wanted to see what I was taking from their house, which was just my belongings.
What can I legally do?
submitted by youngbrokecalote to legaladvice [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:54 shinigami1042 Gf(24F) is detached from me(26M). Need advice.

Can anyone help me with a GF situation ?
Hi I am 26 (M) and I have a GF 24(F).We stay in Bangalore, India and work as Software Engineers in very good firms. We're in a relationship for 5 years now.
I was in a very low point of my life and she helped and motivated me to be a better person career wise.
Past few months I have been doing everything for both of us, got a new house, a vehicle, started hanging out with her friends, did a lot during valentine's week (which I normally don't) , have been showering her with gifts cause of new job and been spending more time with her.
Still she leaves house and goes to her friend's place whenever she gets a chance. She always hangs out with friends (guys; rarely a girl. ) I trust her she won't do anything wrong. She's loyal.
But whenever it comes to us going out she's lazy or tired. She kills my excitement again and again. She argues with me over petty and small things. Since i have become more responsible towards everything, she calls me "Uncle" again and again.
I don't know what to do to bring back our spark. She hasn't done anything worthwhile for me since sometime, not that I expect anything. I just don't know what else to do.
Please help.
TLDR; GF of 5 years has become detached after my job change. I have been doing everything for her yet she seems unhappy with me rather always wants to hangout with her friends. I need help to find the spark again.
submitted by shinigami1042 to RelationshipIndia [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:54 jadedmonkey2004 New career or stay put. I am in a bit of a conundrum.

I work for a county and I had a job offer to work through this state. Both benefits are primarily the same except for the fact I have a pension at my current job with a 1.5 multiplier, but the other job is a 401(k) vested after four years with a 5% match I am 44 year old female my current job is 2 miles from the house. The other one is 22 one-way, my current job is very sedentary and i gained 60 pounds since I’ve been here I’ve worked for the county 10 years , the department for five. the wage that they gave me is more than I have now and the wage I have it took me five years to get & there is no advancement unless you want to be an officer. There is advancement at the new career but I’m starting at a lower job that I feel that I am overqualified for, but you do get to move around, which is healthier on your body, but I’m also safe in my current job should I switch or remain here?
submitted by jadedmonkey2004 to Career_Advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:52 Correct_Grade_8104 Has any woman managed to change their husband?

I've been with my fiancé for 5 years lived together for almost 3 of those years up until June last year where we decided to move from our expensive flat and move back home to save up. Its all going great he actually ended up proposing in November last year and we've been talking about moving back together after we buy our house. I'm worried and I've expressed my worry because my fiancé's Mum does everything for him. Cook,clean, laundry, and only asks for £200 from him for room rent . When we lived together I frequently argued with him because he wouldn't pull his weight around the house and he would improve for a few days after then revert to leaving it mostly up to me. We both worked full time and both contribute towards bills.
My question is has anyone here married and lived with a man who had mummy do everything for him and managed to get him to pull his weight in the house. I've expressed to him that he needs to volunteer to cook clean etc on a regular basis at home but he says his mum won't let him.
submitted by Correct_Grade_8104 to Marriage [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:51 shinigami1042 GF(24F) is detached from me(26M). Need advice.

Can anyone help me with a GF situation ?
Hi I am 26 (M) and I have a GF 24(F).We stay in Bangalore, India. We're in a relationship for 5 years now.
I was in a very low point of my life and she helped and motivated me to be a better person career wise.
Past few months I have been doing everything for both of us, got a new house, a vehicle, started hanging out with her friends, did a lot during valentine's week (which I normally don't) , have been showering her with gifts cause of new job and been spending more time with her.
Still she leaves house and goes to her friend's place whenever she gets a chance. She always hangs out with friends (guys; rarely a girl. )
But whenever it comes to us going out she's lazy or tired. She kills my excitement again and again. She argues with me over petty and small things. Since i have become more responsible towards everything, she calls me "Uncle" again and again.
I don't know what to do to bring back our spark. She hasn't done anything worthwhile for me since sometime, not that I expect anything. I just don't know what else to do.
Please help.
TLDR; GF of 5 years has become detached after my job change. I have been doing everything for her yet she seems unhappy with me rather always wants to hangout with her friends. I need help to find the spark again.
submitted by shinigami1042 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:50 anti_shocked 31[M4F]Coffee, the lifeblood of champions

Good morning or afternoon depending on where you’re located on this spinning blue marble we call home, easy going and down to earth engineer living in the beautiful Midwest who’s currently sitting in my livingroom drinking my first cup of coffee and trying to wake up a little bit but this time change is still kicking my ass this morning and my time clock is all fucked up. I recently just moved back to Minnesota for a new job and am pretty introverted and shy and prefer to spend most of my free time at home playing video games or watching tv so don’t really make a lot of new friends thus why I am on here. It doesn’t really matter where you’re from as long as you’re wanting to chat and get to know each other. And now for the hardest part of this whole thing where I have to describe myself, I’m 31 like the post says and I’m a mechanical engineer which I promise is much more fancy sounding than what the job actually is, I pretty much just sit at a computer all day and draw and design parts for things that most people will never actually see lol. Physically I’m 6’3 with dark longer hair right now and a beard with light brown eyes. Just recently started working out again after finally getting my gym in my house setup. If you’re interested in chatting shoot me a message and let’s have a great time together.
submitted by anti_shocked to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:48 ShoulderGremlin22 Flakey friends and making plans

I have a close friend who I get on fantastically with. Whenever I see him, we have a great time together. He’s helped me with my career, provided stellar job references (we worked together) and advised me on a lot of things. We text most days.
But making in-person plans with him is driving me nuts. He’s a persistent flake. He forgets plans, cancels and always puts the planning on me, saying he’s down with whatever.
He cancelled 3 meetings (in a single week!) because of family issues (he’s married with youngish kids) and after reassuring me that tonight would work after the last cancelled plan and asking me to pick up some food so we could cook, text me saying his wife has now made plans with friends so he needs to stay home with the kids. He’s asked to reschedule - I’m leaning towards declining. But that makes me feel petty.
I’ve been going through some tough times myself (my job not working out, starting fertility treatment with my partner, moving house) and I feel like he thinks because I don’t have children, my schedule is fine to bend to his whims. I’ve told him before cancelling so often and last-minute makes me feel disrespected and deprives me of the chance of having other plans, and he apologises but repeats. Am I being unfair, or is this what’s normal for friendships in your 30s with parents? I’d be happy for him to bring his kids for coffee or something, but he never wants to include them.
So I’m looking for what to say to him, or if this friendship just isn’t worth it. I was thinking something like ‘thanks for offering to reschedule. Me making plans isn’t really working out, so I’d prefer you to suggest a time and place’.
submitted by ShoulderGremlin22 to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:43 rhubarbsorbet what’s y’all favorite part of work?

just curious what everyone’s “reason i stay” thing is! we all agree the jobs generally range from “awful” to “eh, fine” but i do enjoy the little human moments
for me, i’m opening shift courtesy clerk so after i get all my cleaning done i do a lot of bagging. because i work early most customers are regulars, older people, or people just taking is a bit slower. there’s a handful of customers i really look forward to seeing each week and will actively seek out. i usually have a little fun fact or phrase i’ll tell the customers, just to try and make their day a little more interesting :)
submitted by rhubarbsorbet to kroger [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:43 teal_lantern27 My (23F) BF’s (23M) mother and little sister (22F) like to bully him and it’s painful to watch

My BF and I are living in our family’s homes because we have an awful housing market. However, my BF’s family situation has gotten really bizarre recently which makes him want to move out. It’s mostly due to the bullying by his mother and little sister.
About my BF: We met in law school. He’s smart, sensible and hardworking. He’s wholesome and kind-hearted (and according to his friends/family, he’s always been this way). He studies hard to be a lawyer, volunteers around the community, coaches little kids, offers to fix people’s homes/cars (he’s a handyman and mechanic), pays for everything himself, and despite all this he still finds the time/energy to spoil me and his family with incredible thoughtful gifts or acts of service (he loves to cook, clean and fix things for people). As a result, he’s a really loveable, helpful and independent man!
About his little sister🚩: She’s the opposite. To be blunt, she’s selfish, inconsiderate, rude, and a materialistic attention-seeker. She steals my stuff, leaves mess everywhere, a high school dropout, no hobbies except drinking/sex, prone to screaming tantrums, and posts her butt on IG daily. She’s had a lot of problems (like unwanted pregnancies with unknown men, speeding tickets, falling for scams, etc) which her family pays for her.
I have two example events to explain what she’s like- my BF’s graduation party (finishing law school) and his birthday party. Both events she didn’t want to attend because she didn’t think they were important (wanting to see her friends instead) but I encouraged her to attend. But at these parties, whenever the attention went to my BF (like making a toast or giving him gifts), she starts causing a scene: crying about drama, bragging about her wild drunk stories, complaining about how difficult her retail job is and how frustrating it is to have another abortion, demanding people to take sexy photos of her, etc. I found this infuriating because his sister is always the focus (being the problematic child) and this distracts from the recognition he deserves for his hard work.
About his mother🚩: The mother is an enabler and “best friend” of the little sister. She loves spoiling her daughter and acts like "one of the girls” when her friends are around. She paid for her daughter’s entire lifestyle- her bedroom, the abortions and medical bills, the speeding fines, all her clothes/makeup/perfumes, etc. She prides herself in being the breadwinner of the family and often splurges it on her daughter. She has never financially contributed to her son (my BF), making him pay for everything since he turned 18.
The Major Problem 🚩🚩🚩: There had always been little red flags about his mothesister. But it really started to show last week when his parents were away for the week and my BF and I took care of the house. When his parents returned, his sister claimed all the credit for keeping the house clean and looking after the dog, even though she was actually out partying the entire week (only returning home occasionally when hungover, leaving trash/vomit/mess for my BF to clean). Their mother praised the little sister, but my BF tried to correct her claiming he did most of the work. They turned against him saying “if you really did the work, you would’ve said so”. His sister joined in scolding him.
Then this morning, we woke up and he immediately started doing chores (mowed the lawn, fed the dog, did the laundry, washed dishes) while his sister laid on the couch hungover, eating Doritos and burping away. Once he was done with the chores, he joined in helping me cook breakfast for everyone.
His mother entered and demanded he does the bathroom, ranting about how he’s lazy and never does any work around the house. He defends himself, saying he did the bathroom last week, but hadn’t been home since then because this week we went away for our 2-year anniversary and my birthday. His sister joined the bandwagon, saying “I bet you’ve never even cleaned the toilet! You need to do it! It’s a mess!” (she had gastro this week).
He was about to drop everything to clean the bathroom, but the task would take too long and we needed to pick up my mother from the hospital. He explained this to them and promised to do clean the bathroom when he gets back. They scoffed at him “ohhh ok! You think you’re sooo important!!” and continued to rant about how lazy he was. His mother huffed about how disappointed she is in having a son like him.
He leaves the room, to finish the laundry from this morning, I’m left in the kitchen finishing breakfast, cleaning, and putting their groceries away while his mother and sister continue shaming him. His mother even said “he’s so irresponsible, unlike his sister”. I was so confused. So I started listing the things I see him around the house, including the fact he cooks/cleans up after THEIR mess. But I also mentioned he does wonderful things for me and my family. Big mistake to mention that… his mother said she didn’t appreciate hearing that. “He shouldn’t be helping you!! His home and his responsibly is HERE, and that’s final!”
Stumped and feeling triggered, I packed our breakfast in takeaway containers and texted my mother that I’ll be a bit late, while he cleaned the bathroom. We drove away in silence, with his phone buzzing constantly- which was his sister bragging about how she just cleaned the toilet and how her brother is hopeless/lazy. Their mother responded with praise.
Now, we are sitting at my house in silence completely stumped. His sister just texted demanding an apology, especially one to their mother. My BF keeps telling me how ashamed he is that he let me see this happen- apparently it’s normal, he just walked away unbothered when they act out like that. But it was such a shock to me, they had only ever been on their best and generous behaviour around me. I can’t help but feel so sorry, frustrated and ANGRY that he endures that. Besides telling him to move out, I’m not sure how to help him, or what advice he needs.
submitted by teal_lantern27 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:42 miramiell Discovering a trigger that I didn't even know I had until it happened.

I didn't know being called a "father" is a trigger for me.
For the context, I'm part of a club theatre group. This time, we're going to have a short play. I've received the script, my character parts, and we're ready for our first practice. However, our writer forgot one crucial thing: they changed the role of the character who will be my partner and didn't tell me, perhaps because of the last minute change.
It's not rare for us to have a cross-gender (I'm sorry, I'm not a native English speaker, so I don't know the proper word) roles, and I sometimes get a male role due to my stature and low-tone voice, especially when our male performers are busy with other plays. Also, this will be a short play anyway, so until the boys are free, I'm taking the role.
Everything went well, until the scene where I met with my partner character, where she suddenly yelled out, "father!" I was so shocked. It wasn't in the script. In the original script, it's a bittersweet story of a stranger helping a freezing young girl in the middle of winter. There's nothing about parental relations at all. Turns out my character isn't actually the father, just the girl character mistook my character as her father and will insist to call my character so. At first, I was just shocked, but as she continued, a trauma I didn't know I had resurfaced.
My own biological father kicked me, my mother, and my brother out of the house, on the night of my birthday, just one month before my university entrance exam. I really wanted to get into university, it's my dream. For the last month before the big day, I had to study in people's attic. He kicked us out because he disliked us talking about his new girlfriend. For the record, my mother and father were already married at that time. After me, my mother, and my brother finally got our lives together, and right now, I'm working out of the city with a good job and a good pay, he came back crawling to us asking, why didn't we care about him? Why didn't we call him on the phone?
When my brother was having an emotional turmoil, my brother, who still had some semblance of hope towards my father, tried asking him for help. Exactly what he wanted us before: he wanted us to come back to him. Yet, what he did is that he's blaming us for putting my brother's psychological problem to him as a burden, and said that we didn't care about his psychological problem.
I wish I could care.
Not after what he did to us.
He wasn't a good father. He's a distant figure who's always home late and didn't even play with us on his off days. He accused my mother of making us distant to him when in reality, he's the one distancing himself ever since the beginning. He never hugged us. He never praised us. He didn't even get angry at us. He's just never there. I don't know what happened to him now, because he's never once called us, texted us, anything. And we will not look for him.
I was already enjoying my life without him. Yet, that little girl character who called my character, "father", several times, insisting that my character is indeed, her father, triggered the trauma.
I convinced myself it's not directed to me. I'm playing a character. But the more she insisted, the more it caught on to me, until I had to step out of the set and apologised to the director and the script writer. "I'm sorry. I can't do this. Please change the script back." I apologised several times, explaining, that there's something with me and the concept of fatherhood.
I'm very much known to be able to stomach any roles, even the most brutal roles, so the script writer couldn't have known that being called a "father" would trigger me. I didn't know either. It's not any of our fault. I controlled my own anger, rage, hatred, and disgust, before the worse would happen, and immediately informed everyone about it. The director and the script writer agreed that we will use the original script instead. After that, the rehearsal went well, as planned.
I don't know whether it's okay for me to never forgive me. I don't know whether it's okay for me to always feel this deep hatred. Every year of my birthday, I'm reminded of what happened that night. My mother crying as we drove out of the house, my brother sleeping on my shoulder, and me telling myself, "I will be someone strong enough to protect them." Perhaps, when I saw that girl character calling her father for help, I saw myself. I saw what happened to me. I saw a girl desperate to have her father back. At that moment, I saw myself in that young girl, freezing in the winter, crying.
By the way, I always avoided roles in plays with family themes, because I wasn't that interested, but turns out it's just me subconsciously avoiding this trauma the whole time.
submitted by miramiell to CPTSD [link] [comments]

2023.03.26 13:42 Potential-Maybe2183 boyfriend/babies father [30 M] is constantly saything everything I do [28 F] gives him anxiety

Okay I'm not going to be embarrassed and delete this post lol... My relationship with my bf is weird at this point I think we are better off going our separate ways but sometimes I'm like maybe it's worth a fight because I know I'm probably a lot to deal with as well but at this point this cannot possibly be love or a healthy relationship. I'm usually the one that do everything, I balance the bills and ensure they're paid on time, groceries, cleaning the house etc. I'm the designated parent and all of these things have been a problem because when I say something to my bf it's always an excuse as to why he can't meet me halfway and it's always my fault. Either he assumes I want him to do everything the same way I'm doing it or what ever task I put on him is always some complaint. It gets even deeper like I stop cleaning his side of the room or just anything of his in the house because he had a problem with me touching and moving his things, I stopped doing his laundry because he didn't like that I mixed our clothes with the kids and also didn't like the way I did laundry, I stopped cooking for him because he would complain that I don’t cook him what he wants then when I do it's I give him anxiety because now he feels like he has to eat it even if he doesn't want to then when I cook and give it to his family.. He gets mad about that because he doesn't want them eating all his food. I also barely text him because he never really responds and he explained that when I text him it gives him anxiety and he feels like he has to drop everything and respond to me (he doesn't though as I explained he barely responds back), so because of all of these issues I no longer cook, clean, or text him. Due to this I've been feeling like I should just tell him that we should focus on co-parenting/friendship but I struggle with it because he's the only family I have but this incident today made me realize that maybe I should suck it up and just end it already... I have the stomach flu and could barely move so I asked him to take care of the kids so I can recover, he tended to them throughout the day until he went to work. Our daughter was throwing up as well and she was up all night fussing so I texted him that if he can (his job allows it at times) come home early please do so because I can't tend to her, I physically couldn't move. He responded late asking what's wrong with her and I explained that she's being fussy. He then didn't say much of anything after, then we have been needing to go grocery shopping for a few days now but he doesn't do it. So before I forgot I let him know that he has to go food shopping for the kids especially because they didn't have much of anything. He didn't respond again but I just wanted him to know in case I forgot (he would use that as an excuse). He came home and was pissed with me explaining how again me texting him gave him anxiety and made it hard for him to function at work, he even went as far as saying he was trying to text me while he was driving (w.e.) the man never sent anything to me, his argument is I could've told him all these things when he got home not while he was at work. My argument is if I'm sick and the kids need something what do u want me to do because u knew I couldn't do anything but still went to work but would call out any other time for the slightest reason but didn't think this time was that serious and now when I'm informing you that I need help it's a problem then who should I inform then!? I'm so exhausted I don’t want to deal with this anymore but I'm not sure I'm being too dramatic.
submitted by Potential-Maybe2183 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]