Tp preface: If you're looking for a roommate for next year as well but have your own location in mind for a place to stay, do tell me, although I would like for it to remain close to campus by walking distance and for it to be under 800 ish a month including utilities.
Hi, my name's Keith and I'm looking for a roommate for next year. My current roommate is leaving so I'm looking for a new one to renew my lease with at our apartment. The building is Grace and Monroe on Grace Street, really close to Monroe Park and the general campus buildings, 10-15 minute walk. The rent will be around 700-750 a month with utilities included in that price. Here's a few more bits of info about the place:
- 2 bedroom and 2 bathrooms (Unfurnished, however there could be some furniture left behind)
- 1 living room space
- Kitchen
- In unit laundry and mailroom
- Pets allowed
- Rent is due at the beginning of every month
- My apartment is on the third floor
​
A little bit about me: I'm an academic Junior (19 M), CS Major. I don't have any pets here nor do I smoke or drink or anything though I don't mind if you do. I play electric guitar and go to the gym a good amount of times a week so if you're into music and or working out that'd be pretty sweet, but not required lol. I don't bring people over nor can I blast my music loud much so if volume is something you're sensitive to you don't gotta worry about that with me either. Here's my instagram because I know some people would want to see who they could potentially be living with for a year before they inquire about it: https://www.instagram.com/kiyst/ . Looking forward to answering any questions!
Also, I have not signed up for a new contract for next year yet, however my current one ends in July so if you're on board with rooming up with me then just lmk and we can arrange a date where we can sign the lease.

I met this guy online and we were just chatting, I mentioned how I was ugly and he asked to see a photo of me, I sent him my photo and he said I was cute and asked if I wanted to get to know him and I was like yeah. He's honestly not been a bad guy at all but he does seem desperate for a relationship. He has told me things such as he is the type of person who believes a relationship can fix him. He also sounds like he is someone who reads incel/red pill ideology. He told me he is going to the gym so he can hopefully get a girlfriend and has flexed his muscles to me. I talked to him a lot one day, then he said talking to me makes him develop a crush for me. I told him it's better if we just stay friends for now since we met only recently. He said that we can be friends but when he talks to me he starts developing a crush for me and that he doesn't want to like me only for me to reject him in the end. Idk but it seems like he is trying to force me into a relationship a little bit? I started avoiding him after this since I didn't like feeling cornered in this way and honestly feel guilty about not liking him back, but didn't have the guts to reject him either - I also kind of like him but not enough to be sure I want to date him which is why I am confused. He then got mad and said I had left him on read for 12 hours and if I didn't wanna be friends I could've just said that. He told me that 'all you girls are the same' (which is why I think he might be someone who reads incel/redpill stuff) and that 'you girls' 'say you're ugly, only to fish for compliments' and that he really liked me but I was arrogant because of my looks, and that I should leave him alone because I have already hurt him. I don't know why but I feel guilty? I want to apologize but I don't know if I should? Am I in the wrong here?

I met this guy online and we were just chatting, I mentioned how I was ugly and he asked to see a photo of me, I sent him my photo and he said I was cute and asked if I wanted to get to know him and I was like yeah. He's honestly not been a bad guy at all but he does seem desperate for a relationship. He has told me things such as he is the type of person who believes a relationship can fix him. He also sounds like he is someone who reads incel/red pill ideology. He told me he is going to the gym so he can hopefully get a girlfriend and has flexed his muscles to me. I talked to him a lot one day, then he said talking to me makes him develop a crush for me. I told him it's better if we just stay friends for now since we met only recently. He said that we can be friends but when he talks to me he starts developing a crush for me and that he doesn't want to like me only for me to reject him in the end. Idk but it seems like he is trying to force me into a relationship a little bit? I started avoiding him after this since I didn't like feeling cornered in this way and honestly feel guilty about not liking him back, but didn't have the guts to reject him either - I also kind of like him but not enough to be sure I want to date him which is why I am confused. He then got mad and said I had left him on read for 12 hours and if I didn't wanna be friends I could've just said that. He told me that 'all you girls are the same' (which is why I think he might be someone who reads incel/redpill stuff) and that 'you girls' 'say you're ugly, only to fish for compliments' and that he really liked me but I was arrogant because of my looks, and that I should leave him alone because I have already hurt him. I don't know why but I feel guilty? I want to apologize but I don't know if I should? Am I in the wrong here?

I'm 24, in uni, and trying my best to do what I can for myself.
A few months ago, I stopped working at a job (the best job I've ever had) because they started assigning me morning shifts. I have a huge problem with sleeping, and I'm constantly feeling like I'm low on energy.
Every day, I wake up feeling extremely miserable and angry. I get so angry that I punch things, I yell to myself, and I cry in frustration of how awful everything feels to me. I just can't shake it out of my head.
In these moments after I wake up, everything on my skin feels oily and disgusting, even if I got a shower the night before, and I don't dare to touch my hair because of how dirty it can feel. Aside from feeling dirty, I also feel extremely drowsy and nauseous. I don't eat in the mornings because, if I even drink a tiny bit of water, it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. Because of this, I rarely eat or drink until the afternoon when I feel a little bit better, or until the hunger outweighs this awful feeling.
Because I've had to get up for uni, I've been taking melatonin supplements to experiment (I will often toss and turn endlessly without them, but sometimes they don't do anything for me). Some days I feel kind of alright, but most of the time I still feel awful. I've experimented around with different hours of sleep to see if I was sleeping too much or too little, but this has come up pretty inconclusive.
At 24, the recommended hours is around 7-9... but 7 hours, 8 hours, and 9 hours of sleep all make me feel the same way - awful, drowsy, nauseous, dirty, and exhausted. The only way I feel "well rested" is if I go back to sleep for a few extra hours and wake up then. This makes it at around 11 AM, regardless of what time I fell asleep at.
I don't eat at night, I don't drink any caffeine or do any drugs. I never have dreams, and I often wake up in the middle of the night (sometimes because of sleep paralysis). Even in my youth, I slept a ton at my grandparent's house. I would go on their couch and just sleep, which raised concerns with my family that I had trouble sleeping, but nothing ever came of that.
​
It's taking a major toll on me. I don't have any energy throughout the day. My mornings consist of me being a mindless robot that wanders around.
I tried going to the gym with my friend, and we went a fair few times, but even going at 9 AM was too much for me. After our workouts, I would feel violently sick in the car ride back.
It's also having an impact on my memory, I feel. Throughout the day, I have major trouble retaining information and remembering things... I'm having trouble keeping up with my hobbies (drawing and guitar) and I often let them go unpracticed for weeks on end.
Even if I have free time, I just don't touch those things. I feel too tired by the time I come home, even though I was tired all day already.
​
I'm also not as outgoing as I used to be. When I was working that job I mentioned earlier, I was so up front with people and kind-hearted. Nowadays, I feel secluded, invisible. When I eat my lunch at uni, I look around to see if anyone is staring at me. I feel like I'm constantly on the spot, like eating alone is weird. I never feel comfortable in public anymore. I always feel like I'm on a stage.
I don't talk to people or do what I want to do. I always daydream of a person I'd rather be. There was a woman who was struggling to set up a stroller with her baby in one of her arms, and I just glanced the other way. I feel like if it were truly up to me, I would have helped, but I also feel like she would have thought I was weird. I feel like everyone thinks I am weird, like everything I say, and how I say it, is so weird. At uni, I just feel like a loser.
​
If it were up to me, I'd like to get 8 hours of sleep and wake up feeling well rested, get to school with a good attitude, remember what was taught to me, talk to people in public, do the things I want to do, and be proud of myself. I'd come home to practice my hobbies daily, work out consistently, and fall asleep for the next day. But... I am just unable to do that.
Right now, I'm always feeling tired (not eating breakfast as a result), I'm never working out, my hobbies just keep getting further and further out of reach, I forget things that happened even if they just happened hours earlier, and I act like I am invisible in public, but at the same time... like I am on a stage. My life is just a blur passing me by, and I dread every day that I have to leave my room. It's damn near forced me to make some stupid decisions.
​
These things; my sleep, my hobbies, my sensitivity (emotional and physical, with disgusted feelings), my memory... they're all things that make me regret so much. They're things that make me constantly daydream about a better life.
I don't know where to even begin.

Many things have happened since three months ago I landed back into Canadian border. This letter is an International student's self reflection of guilt by his own stupidity .It's the remorse and confession to my previous people who were my supporter but I turned a blank eyes for.
It was 2021 that I graduated from my high school in Mississauga, Clarkson, a small rural community. I was an excellent student until Covid hits and our courses went fully online. I know, no excuses but tbf I just cannot do online class. I felt this is a great insult to my ideal academic model so I keep dropping classes until I still somehow manage to get my high school diploma. As a result I got only passing mark which is 50% on English 12. Did my math class in 2019 so it was fairly well done by me, passing 90&s with awards from school.
After Covid due to physical and mental health concern my parents support me to went back China, Shanghai. I grew up in Shanghai but as I grown up I found society in China get more and more toxicity and contagion. Me and my dad later moved to the place where I was born, a small town in Hangzhou behind the West Lake on the mountain side and enjoy a peaceful one year. Very luckily we did not suffer and severe consequences from CCP's lockdown policy (Shanghai severely got hit), perhaps it's the blessing from my born place.
Going through all of this I understood my responsibility to complete my education and support my family in a better way. My Dad is at his 50s, would be to reluctant to force him back to his work as a coder. I have heard some good words from my high school teachers about BC previously so I started to look for a college in lower mainland (only 2 years compare to Unis to save some funds and give less stress to my Dad. He's the only person supporting me until now.)
I checked about job relative information and decided CST program to be the great start of my career path. Since the entry requirement is extremely high I decided to apply for ISEP program to improve my English better.
At that time I was completely unaware of how insane the cost of living and rent is in Lower Mainland.
Due to more misinformation I did not know ISEP program was in Downtown. I ended up living in an AirBNB home taking around 40 minutes bus ride and 1 hour skytrain to downtown. Did not have a UPass so I paid for zone 3 month pass.
Unfortunately two weeks after starting ISEP I got infected with Covid-19. I went to three community pharmacist trying to get the quick test kits while having Covid and I finally met a kind person to provide me two box of it.
For the next 12 days I isolated myself at home, taking the tests everyday but it keeps showing positive. I tried going to school once but I can feel atmosphere wrong. (I informed my instructors about it because I do not want to be a scumbag who got everyone in a class infected). I wore N95 and tried my best but finally discovered I cannot do it really.
And then I quit. Being a real scumbag, I quit. I left my peer in the middle of an important journal assignment and I quit. I did not know what happen next. Later on after myself getting recovered from Covid I took IELTS and get a just so so mark.
My Airbnb landlord charge my 2400 CAD per month for rent. I checked my money left and discovered I might have to change a place to just live. I am not a very social person thus I deserve no helping hand . After doing some research I decided to go to a "cheaper place", and found myself in Calgary, and then discover something is heavily wrong here.
Alberta's current government is UCP, I do not know about politics much but I have heard from people that they cut funding for healthcare , tuition and public transit significantly.
I rode CTrain a little bit at the beginning. I thought public transit is the same everywhere in Canada, just like Toronto, just like Vancouver. I was terribly wrong.
Homeless people smoke Heroin, meth and every kind of drug on CTrain. Sometimes they got escorted out by peace officers, sometimes they just keep high on drug like that. The air is suffocating.
Making matter worse, I wear mask and hat but it's still very easy to spot me as an Asian. The hostility is real. There is some guys passing me by and stop right in front of me just to say "fuxk you“
Calgary's industry is hit deeply be high interest rate and recession. Housing crisis and rent's insane increase happens here too. So I'm guessing there is always a very great proportions of society have a very hostile attitude against immigrant because they immigrants rob their out of jobs and affordable houses.
I end up taking Uber as the only option to come back from my classes at night.
Every night I lay on my bed thinking about my complete messed up life I cried. I am a scumbag and I knew that. I deserve every single shit cause these were the consequences of my own choice. Even after all of this I am still shamelessly applying for BCIT's CIT program and maybe hoping to find someway out to get support from my family.
I know I deserve no pardon from anyone but I just cannot hold my remorse and thoughts any longer..
I AM REALLY SORRY FOR WHAT I DID!!
I really wish myself being able to make it through. News of stabbing, assault and robbery happens. Very fortunately I got a safe shelter in SAIT, people here are generally very nice and they helped my out from my current situation... I am still trying my best, really wish I could make it through.
Appreciate you very much for going through a random stranger's shitpost to the end.. I know it's just a shitty lengthy non sense rant for his own stupidity but bear with me please.. I know I deserve no better but I mean no offense..

Yes, I know. Not really an original post given it's been like 8 years since the game was released, but I happened to stumble upon SOMA during a recent steam sale and holy shit. Arguably the best game I've played to date, and the ending really hit me hard. Everything about this game, the characters, the plot, music, the voice actors, was brilliantly designed and portrayed, if I could have bought this game for full price I would have done it without a doubt.
Kind of feeling pretty numb now, and have gone down the descent (not that one) into reading fanfiction and delving deeper into the plot/wiki to see what I missed during my first playthrough. As someone who always had an interest in the ocean and marine biology since a young age, it was such an amazing experience to be able to play as Simon in a post-apocalyptic world at the bottom of the ocean, a hundred years into the future. The whole concept behind what does it really mean to be human, to have consciousness, made the game so much better than just your average jump-scare horror.
Also, as someone who is half-Taiwanese I LOVED Catherine's character and role in SOMA, really made me happy to learn that she was from Taipei. Her description that she gave Simon during the descent was spot on accurate, and made me feel nostalgic as well since I used to travel back to Taiwan every year when I was younger (visited Taipei a lot too). I read a little bit about the debate regarding Cath, but to me she strikes me as not just a good person, but heroic as well in her attempts to preserve even a sliver of humanity before death took them all. She went through a lot of shit from her peers though, and yeah she isn't always the best at displaying emotions, but she was also extremely intelligent and hard-working, not to mention cute and endearing to talk to at times during Simon's journey through PATHOS-II. I don't think she really manipulated Simon into launching the ARK, although that's a bit of a grey area left to interpretation. I like to think that Simon-3 was able to repair her and apologize, and that they were able to fix up PATHOS-II together and find new meaning in life (if you can still call it that?) along with any of the other survivors if you didn't kill them along the way. Just wish there was a way for Simon to give her a hug, because she seems to really need it.
Funnily enough, Toronto is my hometown so the journey to Munshi's lab was kind of creepily accurate to me, I've taken the same subway/recognize the stops and literally walked on the street where Simon's accident occurred (Bloor st/Spadina Rd) if I'm not mistaken. The level of detail put into making these places accurate was another aspect of SOMA that I really enjoyed, and makes me wonder if maybe one of the devs were from Toronto?
All in all, playing SOMA was an amazing experience I probably won't ever forget, so I just wanted to write a post to leave my thoughts on the game. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. :)

I, am a 18 year old man and I have a boyfriend, problem is, he’s not real. I know this, I’m trying to convince him the same thing, but the arguments he makes are pretty good.
Now, I am what you would call, a pretty lonely person. At work I work a construction job, it sounds social, but I’m mainly put to work on the basement and fix the plumbing there, I hardly talk to anyone except for my Forman, who comes to check up on me, besides, the last two journeymen who worked with me always busted my chops and pissed me off, then leaving put a boat load of work onto me. After work I usually go to the gym, I’m pretty good at it, but I don’t like to talk to other people there because it’s my time and the gym is the one place where I know I’m strong and powerful enough that I’m looked to as an expert and a beacon of success. Why should I care about talking to other people?
I don’t want to think of myself as gay, but I do have a boyfriend, he’s very sweet and honestly one of my biggest fans. He likes to read and philosophize with me, he hates politics, but I couldn’t care for it much either. He usually wears earthy tones, brown graphic shirts and jeans, but a green or light grey coat suit him well. His best feature would have to be his smile, it’s nice and warm, very photogenic, that or his hair, it’s brown and messy, but on him it just looks cute. He works an office job, we don’t talk much on it, but it’s probably not too stressful for him. Our favorite little joke we have would be philosophical jokes, for instance, there’s one where we’ll see a cockroach and joke “Gregor, you lazy bum, get a job” and we usually chuckle for a bit. But the real thing we both love about each other is that we both like to be held. I being the top in this relationship enjoy holding him close while his head rests under mine, sometimes he’ll kiss at my neck, but I sometimes stroke his hair when he does that and it puts him to sleep. It’s honestly one of the most relaxing things, to be held by him and I couldn’t live without him.
My main concern is that he’s not real, I half want to convince myself that he is and other that he isn’t. I know it’s not healthy, but total isolation isn’t either. I tried convincing him that he’s not real, and I have some good points, but whenever I try to bring them up, he just kisses me on the lips and I can’t help but start to neck with him. It’s not like I can just say no, it’s rather intoxicating for this to happen.
I haven’t explained my situation to anyone I know, because they wouldn’t understand that I’m not gay, I just have a boyfriend. I’m not even sure what I am, I just don’t want to think about that, I tried asking my boyfriend, he said “I think you can solve that one for yourself”, I’m not sure what he ment by that, but I can’t and I don’t want to feel ashamed in front of him. I just wish I could understand why he’s in my life and how other people could see him, just not the people I know, so they don’t get the wrong idea.
I hope this doesn’t land me in the psych ward.

Sorry to the mods, at times I'm as dumb as a box of rocks.
So, I am taking RueMint's form for myself and spilling it all out there.
I'll get the selfie out of the way first.
https://imgur.com/a/s1N2A7Y
It's a wee bit outdated because I just shaved my head and it's at the "peach fuzz" stage right now.
Basics - Age is already up above, 5'8 (although looking at the doorway height signs stores put in, they say 6'0, so I like to steal Ron White's joke and say "anywhere between 5'8 and 6'2 depending on what store I walk out of) 215lbs. I have a job, a car, a home I bought, I try to keep tidy, and I make sure the bills are paid, although they slip my mind because I am a space cadet, and I make them get back to current. I am very reticent and much more of a listener, although I have moments where the dam breaks and I am a chatterbox. I guess I would say dreamer, and I want to and am slowly working towards my dreams.
Physical looks - Now, this may be the deal breaker due to my self-esteemed being in pieces and if so, it happens. No tattoos, eventually I want to get one when I feel comfortable as a memorial piece to my dog. I have minimal body hair (definitely the opposite of Austin Powers, that's for sure). Body type is, to be real, dad bod, am getting back into the gym to lift heavy things and put them back down. I do not feel right if I do not have a daily shower, unless I know I am getting filthy, then when it is done I am sitting under a fires of Mordor hot shower until I am clean.
Imaginings - I imagine being with someone who has that open line of communication, be it a silly thought or something that invites discussion. As an old friend once said, "what you ignore is priceless to me." A relationship is work, and it has to be maintained and upkept daily, else the wheels fall off. I believe that while we help our partners, even if we have to be the bad person to be kind at times, and they have an important role in our lives, ultimately we cannot set ourselves on fire to keep the other person warm.
My defense mechanism is my reticence, be patient and let me sort my thoughts when I get upset as they become a whirlwind and I need a minute to settle the storm.
There are plenty of times I am upstairs in my head and "wandering the halls", and those times it's usually elevator Muzak or the Mii theme going on. As was said in the game Bastion, "Not always something to say."
Still reading? Awesome.
Questionnaire
Kids - None. Now, I refuse to become the draconian Childfree person that the subreddit became. I can handle being around kids, the billion dollar answer is I don't want any of my own, I know nothing about parenting and I don't want to take the crash course.
Religion - Agnostic. I believe there's things out there that we can't explain, as long as nobody is trying to force their religion down my throat, I'm okay.
Politics? Pro-choice, pro-science, support the LGBTQ community, I hate Trump, and am vaccinated.
Drink? Smoke? Drugs? Don't smoke, the worst I've been in forever was a Malort with friends, and yes, the aftertaste is absolutely horrid. I don't like the smell of weed, I don't partake in it, I don't mind if someone does, just not around me cause again, I think it stinks.
Have you ever been in therapy? Yes. I have depression and anxiety and while I fell off the wagon in terms of therapy due to financial stuff, I am getting back on.
Do you want to get married someday? Honestly, I don't know, but I am keeping it as an option. I don't care to blow an easy 5 figures to get married, I am perfect happy with a small celebration among close friends and found family, and making memories.
Can anything be funny? No. Some people try to be edgier than Bismuth and while there are dark humor jokes that can make me spit my drink, I believe 1) time and place. 2) the company 3) subject. All three are equally important when it comes to humor. I am so so SO much more of a dad joke and pun guy, or even some adult humor.
City? Country? Somewhere in the middle please. I would like to not be near major metropolitan areas, nor do I want to be out in the sticks. I've done both, and am happy with where I can hide away from the world, and if need be not have to drive 40 minutes just to get something from the store.
Is jealousy a healthy emotion? It is normal, yes. Communication is King, Queen, and Their Eminence when it comes to handling this, however, as this is also something that comes up in a relationship.
Are you looking for someone local? Kind of, I am financially bound to my house for right now, if not then we can cross that bridge if/when we come to it.
Intimacy and sex? I can’t be in a relationship where sex isn’t an important part. I have an above average sex drive, but it does not consume me. Sex, like the relationship, is give and take. Sometimes I like to take control, others I let my partner take the wheel.
Music? I am a bit eclectic (and a basic bitch) and dabble in various genre outside of hip hop (unless you count Lotus Juice?) Or heavy metal, I like to understand what I'm listening to. If anyone knows of any good didgeridoo music, let me know.
Movies? I had been on a Marvel kick, and try to be open minded on various genre. I can live just fine without horror, although I will indulge in Chainsawman, and am happy to keep it away from a partner who isn't interested. Love a good animation, Pixar has wowed me with what I have seen of their works, and I like to watch some good sci-fi.
Shows? I watched a ton of Doctor Who, and most media I consume anymore has been games, outside of reading Fandom to catch up on things I missed, and I will sit with friends to watch anime like Buddy Daddies, Chainsawman (as above), or whatever catches our collective eye.
Games? Here is the big one for me. I’ve grown up on the NES, and consider the SNES to be the golden era of gaming. Of course, there are some crappy stories (I love a good story that will hook me, like Earthbound for its whimsical nature yet dark undertones) such as Lufia 2, but it’s what I consider as media “Fast food”. What I mean by that is that is empty turn off your brain fun, yet hits the itch you can’t quite scratch. I am still a huge fan of the 2D Legend of Zelda series (I love A Link To the Past), and if the trailer is decent enough, I’m willing to give it a chance.
Art? I love digital art. There is a lot of dedication and passion that artists put into their work and I respect the eye and talent that they put into it. Pixel art can be absolutely wonderful and the artists put in a painstaking amount of work to make everything pop. Game Design is something I've wanted to do ever since I was a little kid, and Super Mario Bros blew my mind.
Books?
I used to read, read, read as a little kid. That dream of a library sounds absolutely wonderful, and so comfortable at the end of the day. I think high fantasy and RPGs have helped solidify that is what I want to do at the end of the day. Anything with dragons will pique my interest, and if there is a good story, I will probably devour it.
What are some of your non-sexual turn ons?
A good long hug, where someone holds onto me like I'm about to disappear, as well as hugs from behind. Top of head or forehead kisses. Actively listening, or inviting further discussion on a topic, even if it's something that isn't easily understood. Compassion is a huge one for me, and when I'm falling apart showing patience for me while I slowly put myself together. Understanding that sometimes I need my own space and/or I'm going to stubbornly push on to work through something, because I know if I don't keep pushing forward I'm going to stagnate and I don't want that.
Do you want your partner to have the same hobbies and interests?
Absolutely, doesn't have to be everything I'm into, as having exactly everything match up is a cashew's chance at a squirrel convention. As much as I love a good long cuddle, I don't have to have someone attached to my hip, nor do I want that. If there is something one or the other isn't interested in, then it's okay to not be interested, just don't shit all over it.
I would love to see someone everyday, wake up with them or shortly before and get breakfast prepped or we do it together, or even if there's something that needs to be done by oneself, that's okay too!
If you want to talk more, drop me a DM, and to prove you are not a bot (beep boop) list in the title what game I consider crappy, yet hits an itch you can't quite scratch.

So, I am taking RueMint's form for myself and spilling it all out there.
I'll get the selfie out of the way first.
https://imgur.com/a/s1N2A7Y
It's a wee bit outdated because I just shaved my head and it's at the "peach fuzz" stage right now.
Basics - Age is already up above, 5'8 (although looking at the doorway height signs stores put in, they say 6'0, so I like to steal Ron White's joke and say "anywhere between 5'8 and 6'2 depending on what store I walk out of) 215lbs. I have a job, a car, a home I bought, I try to keep tidy, and I make sure the bills are paid, although they slip my mind because I am a space cadet, and I make them get back to current. I am very reticent and much more of a listener, although I have moments where the dam breaks and I am a chatterbox. I guess I would say dreamer, and I want to and am slowly working towards my dreams.
Physical looks - Now, this may be the deal breaker due to my self-esteemed being in pieces and if so, it happens. No tattoos, eventually I want to get one when I feel comfortable as a memorial piece to my dog. I have minimal body hair (definitely the opposite of Austin Powers, that's for sure). Body type is, to be real, dad bod, am getting back into the gym to lift heavy things and put them back down. I do not feel right if I do not have a daily shower, unless I know I am getting filthy, then when it is done I am sitting under a fires of Mordor hot shower until I am clean.
Imaginings - I imagine being with someone who has that open line of communication, be it a silly thought or something that invites discussion. As an old friend once said, "what you ignore is priceless to me." A relationship is work, and it has to be maintained and upkept daily, else the wheels fall off. I believe that while we help our partners, even if we have to be the bad person to be kind at times, and they have an important role in our lives, ultimately we cannot set ourselves on fire to keep the other person warm.
My defense mechanism is my reticence, be patient and let me sort my thoughts when I get upset as they become a whirlwind and I need a minute to settle the storm.
There are plenty of times I am upstairs in my head and "wandering the halls", and those times it's usually elevator Muzak or the Mii theme going on. As was said in the game Bastion, "Not always something to say."
Still reading? Awesome.
Questionnaire
Kids - None. Now, I refuse to become the draconian Childfree person that the subreddit became. I can handle being around kids, the billion dollar answer is I don't want any of my own, I know nothing about parenting and I don't want to take the crash course.
Religion - Agnostic. I believe there's things out there that we can't explain, as long as nobody is trying to force their religion down my throat, I'm okay.
Politics? Pro-choice, pro-science, support the LGBTQ community, I hate Trump, and am vaccinated.
Drink? Smoke? Drugs? Don't smoke, the worst I've been in forever was a Malort with friends, and yes, the aftertaste is absolutely horrid. I don't like the smell of weed, I don't partake in it, I don't mind if someone does, just not around me cause again, I think it stinks.
Have you ever been in therapy? Yes. I have depression and anxiety and while I fell off the wagon in terms of therapy due to financial stuff, I am getting back on.
Do you want to get married someday? Honestly, I don't know, but I am keeping it as an option. I don't care to blow an easy 5 figures to get married, I am perfect happy with a small celebration among close friends and found family, and making memories.
Can anything be funny? No. Some people try to be edgier than Bismuth and while there are dark humor jokes that can make me spit my drink, I believe 1) time and place. 2) the company 3) subject. All three are equally important when it comes to humor. I am so so SO much more of a dad joke and pun guy, or even some adult humor.
City? Country? Somewhere in the middle please. I would like to not be near major metropolitan areas, nor do I want to be out in the sticks. I've done both, and am happy with where I can hide away from the world, and if need be not have to drive 40 minutes just to get something from the store.
Is jealousy a healthy emotion? It is normal, yes. Communication is King, Queen, and Their Eminence when it comes to handling this, however, as this is also something that comes up in a relationship.
Are you looking for someone local? Kind of, I am financially bound to my house for right now, if not then we can cross that bridge if/when we come to it.
Intimacy and sex? I can’t be in a relationship where sex isn’t an important part. I have an above average sex drive, but it does not consume me. Sex, like the relationship, is give and take. Sometimes I like to take control, others I let my partner take the wheel.
Music? I am a bit eclectic (and a basic bitch) and dabble in various genre outside of hip hop (unless you count Lotus Juice?) Or heavy metal, I like to understand what I'm listening to. If anyone knows of any good didgeridoo music, let me know.
Movies? I had been on a Marvel kick, and try to be open minded on various genre. I can live just fine without horror, although I will indulge in Chainsawman, and am happy to keep it away from a partner who isn't interested. Love a good animation, Pixar has wowed me with what I have seen of their works, and I like to watch some good sci-fi.
Shows? I watched a ton of Doctor Who, and most media I consume anymore has been games, outside of reading Fandom to catch up on things I missed, and I will sit with friends to watch anime like Buddy Daddies, Chainsawman (as above), or whatever catches our collective eye.
Games? Here is the big one for me. I’ve grown up on the NES, and consider the SNES to be the golden era of gaming. Of course, there are some crappy stories (I love a good story that will hook me, like Earthbound for its whimsical nature yet dark undertones) such as Lufia 2, but it’s what I consider as media “Fast food”. What I mean by that is that is empty turn off your brain fun, yet hits the itch you can’t quite scratch. I am still a huge fan of the 2D Legend of Zelda series (I love A Link To the Past), and if the trailer is decent enough, I’m willing to give it a chance.
Art? I love digital art. There is a lot of dedication and passion that artists put into their work and I respect the eye and talent that they put into it. Pixel art can be absolutely wonderful and the artists put in a painstaking amount of work to make everything pop. Game Design is something I've wanted to do ever since I was a little kid, and Super Mario Bros blew my mind.
Books?
I used to read, read, read as a little kid. That dream of a library sounds absolutely wonderful, and so comfortable at the end of the day. I think high fantasy and RPGs have helped solidify that is what I want to do at the end of the day. Anything with dragons will pique my interest, and if there is a good story, I will probably devour it.
What are some of your non-sexual turn ons?
A good long hug, where someone holds onto me like I'm about to disappear, as well as hugs from behind. Top of head or forehead kisses. Actively listening, or inviting further discussion on a topic, even if it's something that isn't easily understood. Compassion is a huge one for me, and when I'm falling apart showing patience for me while I slowly put myself together. Understanding that sometimes I need my own space and/or I'm going to stubbornly push on to work through something, because I know if I don't keep pushing forward I'm going to stagnate and I don't want that.
Do you want your partner to have the same hobbies and interests?
Absolutely, doesn't have to be everything I'm into, as having exactly everything match up is a cashew's chance at a squirrel convention. As much as I love a good long cuddle, I don't have to have someone attached to my hip, nor do I want that. If there is something one or the other isn't interested in, then it's okay to not be interested, just don't shit all over it.
I would love to see someone everyday, wake up with them or shortly before and get breakfast prepped or we do it together, or even if there's something that needs to be done by oneself, that's okay too!
If you want to talk more, drop me a DM, and to prove you are not a bot (beep boop) list in the title what game I consider crappy, yet hits an itch you can't quite scratch.

Goodies from goodies: https://imgur.com/a/ik6GLtg
u/welshfancy x 2 Thanks for the *amazing* Barbie card. It’s so cute & fun, I can’t stop smiling! I share the hilarity here for those who share our Bananas-for-Barbie brains: One Barbie says to the other: “If only all men were like Ken…” & the other Barbie replies: “It’d be perfect! When you get bored you just put him away in a shoe-box! LOL!!! Including a close-up pic of it through the link :)
In one of our DMs & in my last thanks post, you shared that you really enjoy jokes. I’m kinda blushing here with some of these jokes, but I wanna gift you some laughs for this beautiful Barbie card. BTW ***I love men***, and I know we all do on this sub (even our friend who’s apparently selling their husband on the meta sub haha), so no offense to any of the lovely men on this sub. K, you sweet manly muffins? These are stupid stereotypes but shared only in the spirit of fun, no harm, & obviously we can’t live without y’all. I don’t think. ;) This is purely to entertain our friend u/welshfancy here because they deserve it after the job rollercoaster they've been on lately. But if anyone takes offense, I’ll immediately delete them. Better yet - feel free to post some funny revenge jokes about women. But remember, if you do, we’ll be sure to send appropriate “thank you” cards hahaha!
*Do you know what the insensitive bit at the base of a guy’s manhood is called? The man. ;)
*What’s the difference between men & government bonds? Bonds mature. =)
*What’s the difference between E.T. & men? At least E.T. phoned the hell home.
*What’s the difference between men & vultures? Vultures wait until you’re dead before ripping your heart out. ;)
*Why are men like blenders? You know you need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
*When’s the only time you can change a man? When he’s a baby.
*How do men help clean the house? They lift their legs so you can vacuum underneath.
*What did God say after creating man? “Hmmm, I think I can do better.”
*How are men like laxatives? They irritate the crap outta you! ;)
*How can you tell if your husband is happy? Who the hell cares?
*What do men & mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
*What do you call a man who disagrees with you? Wrong.
*Why does it take TWO HUNDRED MILLION sperm to fertilize one damn egg? Because not one will stop to ask for damn directions! ;)
Hope some of these made you giggle. :) I also LOVE this illustrated postcard of the Moon from La Loteria!!!! Thank you. :) Ya know I’ll need to hear about your wacky wild 80s adventures in Mexico, right? It’s like you left me with a cliffhanger! Feel free to share your wildest stories anytime - I’d love to share them on the sub in a thank you post. But if you wanna tell me confidential story secrets, that would be fun too! :) Thanks for always bringing a huge smile to my face with your endless mail love! Wishing you infinite joy…along with toilets & people that aren’t full of crap! ;)
u/410bore x 2 Is your PERFECT cool-calligraphy handwriting for REALS?!? OMG if I had your hot handwriting, I’d write all day long on walls & the sides of buildings to show off, graffiti laws be damned! Your handwriting is so hella awesome, you should charge admission to people just to watch you write!!!! Thank you for the vintage NASA card, which was just the icing on top of your gorgeous calligraphy cake! Thanks so much also for the neato wooden postcard!! It’s so unique! I love that you bought it from the Santa Monica Pier. BTW I’ve been to the Adobe Max virtual conference before - super inspiring. Hope you had a blast! BTW don’t be alarmed if you notice that it’s broken in the pic - I didn’t do it. That was courtesy of the USPS, which admitted its mistake. I honestly don’t know how they BROKE a WOODEN postcard LOL! But it’s no less beautiful - my nephew loves it so much he wants to feature it in his room. ;) Thanks for thinking of me, kind friend. =)
u/MelodicEntertainer Thanks for the cool retro sausage ad postcard - love retro ads!!!! Yes, friend, you’re almost ;) right that “Texas = BBQ” (haha, love it). I would edit this: “Texas = blissful, buttery, beefy BBQ” ;) I know it may seem redundant to type “beefy” but I add this because there are weirdos here who think CHICKEN & TURKEY classify as BBQ. I should take my shotgun & shoot them. Kidding. Just ‘cause I’m from Texas, it doesn’t mean I’m nuts enough to own a shotgun. =) I would use my glock. Kidding, again. Seriously I can’t stand gun violence. :( But the people who think that BBQ includes anything other than my blissful buttery beef should never, ever receive any cool stickers from any of us. ;) I’ve heard certain parts of Canada have some BBQ game too! Calgary maybe? Wishing you the sweetest, spiciest slabs of marbled, majestic beef, fabulous friend!
u/likablelobster Friend, there could be no more likable lobster than you. You became more likable by the minute after your adorable illustrated croissant & coffee postcard arrived! Did you use a ***gasp*** TYPEWRITER to type your super likable thoughts on this postcard?!? I’m obsessed with typewriters! I wish I had one from the 1940s! They are so crazy cool & believe me when I tell you that you became even more likable to me by typing crooked! I don’t know if it was intentional or not but THIS is the sweet crazy charm of using a typewriter - having no control over lawless words that don’t align to mad margins! For the first 15 minutes I stared at this card in awe, I didn’t even READ what you typed hahaha! I was entranced by the typing!!!! And then your likability catapulted to the moon when I read what you had actually typed. ;) I loved how you typed so much in such a small amount of space, you likable sweetie!!!! This postcard is now among my absolute favorites - because you typed through tumultuous postcard terrain & included what is the PRETTIEST stamp I have EVER seen (the super colorful illustrated Postcrossing stamp)!!!! Thank you SO much for making me so happy with your beautiful mail!
u/maiiiu Thanks so much for the super cuuuuute handmade “Write” card! Your calligraphy of the word “Write” is just gorgeous! I just love the awesome puffy-ish pastel-colored plant stickers you included - they’re so fun to look at & I can’t wait to use them while sending mail!! I love that you have a mentor, & what a bonus that he makes you laugh! I say, next time, *you* get to decide what y’all have for lunch. Wishing y’all perfect palak paneer lunches that are free from rain & roadside diversions! ;)
u/dekabus Thank you for the pretty floral card with all your sweet sentiments on beauty! I found it delightful that you included the cool sticker that says “Vermehrt Schönes” or “Increase Beauty” in German! I love it!!!! I think the subject of “beauty” is fascinating & want to share with you one of my favorite quotes: “But if a mirror ever makes you sad, you should know that it does not know you.” – Kabir Here’s an interpretation of the meaning from outofstress.com: “The mirror is merely a reflection of your external form and not of your internal form. Hence the mirror does not know you and what it portrays is of little importance.” You are BEAUTIFUL, u/dekabus, for so many reasons. But in this moment, you are most beautiful for spreading so much kindness & cheer to so many across the globe, especially to strangers! Thank you! Wishing you beauty in all its forms, beautiful friend. =)
u/jess_4943 Thanks for the pretty hyacinth postcard decorated with the fun stickers! I really love the lightbulb sticker that has flowers growing within it, like a terrarium! Depictions of mini terrariums housed in unusual objects always delight me!! Wishing you terrariums of joy! =)
u/wabisabi_sf Thanks for the serene RAoC 10th anniversary beach postcard with my name written in your *gorgeous* calligraphy! I appreciate your kind words & wish you beaches of beauty & bacon (if you like bacon ha)!
u/kk6321 Thanks for the cool postcard with all the fun travel stamps! Wishing you a blast in Spain! Re: you wondering if there will be AC…a few years ago I was in Portugal & it was 117 degrees. No AC. I prayed for death & canceled my plans to go to Spain because apparently it was hotter there. :( Wishing you buckets of ice & balmy breezes!!!!
u/omggallout x 2 Thanks for the adorable Arriety postcard - what a fun illustration! Haha, how cool that we unwittingly sent each other space postcards!!! Thank you for the gorgeous depiction of Orion Nebula with the fun planet stickers! Wishing you planets of peace & prosperity!
u/lehmongeloh Thank you for the cuuuuute kitty floral postcard! You are a magnet to cute, my friend! Please DM me with your address & likes if I may send you a card. =) Wishing you all things that are crazy cute!
u/smellyann64 Thanks for the cool vintage Vienna House of Parliament card! I don’t know what your job title is, but you staring down barracudas & hangin’ with octopi wins the RAoC coolest career contest! Wishing you safety & smiles in the sea!! =)
u/mypetitmal x 2 Thank you for the SUPER FUN, beautifully-illustrated Power Woman thank-you postcard! I love it! The artwork is so eye-catching & I love the comic-book panel style! It was my pleasure to send you the kitty card. My thoughts are with you & I hope that you’re feeling better. WHOA you’ve been carding since 2007 - whoa!!!! So awesome! Have you ever counted the number of cards you’ve received? To answer your question…I’ve been a crafter since about 2016 when I started frequenting craft classes at a bunch of different libraries. But I only got into carding when I met the beautiful u/Bridge-etti at a Victorian scrapbooking class & she casually mentioned RAoC to me! Imagine my delight at “running” into her again on accident/BY SURPRISE on this sub when she sent me a V-Day card & I sent her a birthday card!!! I’d been waiting to see how long it would take for me to cross paths with her since I never got her info and it only took about 6 weeks!!! Amazingly fun!! So I have her to thank for my new obsession - RAoC, & for the sad/fun reality that my car now looks like Hobby Lobby had a baby in it. ;) Thanks also for the super cuuuute friendship currency postcard! What cute doodles. Also love the adorable sticker you added! I hear you on the time change - same. Wish they would abolish it so we can prevent traffic accidents & other nonsense! Hope you recover soon & that your trip to Chi-town was a blast! Eat anything tasty there? =) Thanks for thinking of me & looking forward to learning more about you. Wishing you endless smiles & sunshine through RAoC & beyond, sweetheart!
u/thunderlightboomzap Thank you for the pretty illustrated sky card! You shared such wonderful affirmations - thanks for taking the time to share them with me! And so many! I especially love how you shared affirmations focusing on self-worth: “My worth cannot be measured by my paycheck, my job title, or a list of professional or academic achievements” & “There is nothing I need to accomplish to be worthy. I am already worthy.” Right on! These are amazing reminders. Thanks also for the “mental health matters” & self-compassion stickers! You’re such a loving, encouraging soul! Here are some affirmations for you on one of my fave subjects, creativity:
“I am creating in every moment, awake and asleep.”
“I am free to take my imagination anywhere it wants to go.”
This one is a bit wordy, but I like the spirit:
“I effortlessly connect with the universe's boundless inventiveness.”
Thanks again for being so thoughtful & encouraging! Wishing you the same peace, joy, & smiles you gifted me!
u/drguinea Thanks for the beautiful pastel flower postcard! Looking at all the pretty colors brightens my spirits. YESSSSS I’m all about David on Schitt’s Creek! I recall Googling the heck out of him when I first watched the show - it’s so easy to fall in love with him. But sad for me, he’s too hot & gay so what’s the point of living anymore?!? ;) And his real-life/tv DAD Eugene Levy - okay should I be embarrassed to admit that I fell in love with him years ago when I heard him speak live at a banquet in Austin LOL? He is HILARIOUS!!!!
u/LaCuntessa Thanks for the wacky fun Joan Miro postcard - love this art, & especially the smiling sketches!
u/hato_mailing x 2 Thanks for the GORGEOUS wax seals you sent along with the sweet nature postcards. :) The seals are simply stunning & a total wonder to look at, wow! The turquoise & silver seals are especially fun & fanciful! Thanks for letting me be a part of your fun mail wax seal test initiative - super cool. :) Wishing you the hottest of wonderful wax that never burns you! But not ear wax - OMG have you ever gone temporarily deaf because of excessive ear wax? It’s kinda cool & convenient when your mom yells for no reason but kinda torturous otherwise. Kinda like how I’m torturing you by mentioning ear wax for no reason. Sorry I haven’t slept much. Wishing you endless joy in your snazzy snail mail experiments!
u/libertyprogrammer Thanks for the gorgeous Women in Art Ray Eames postcard! I can’t wait to study her films. And as a newbie, I went batcrap bananas over all the flippin’ FUNNNNN & super unique postage stamps you included!! They are EXTRAORDINARY, & so are you for brightening my day with all this beautiful eye candy. Wishing you limitless liberty (LOVE the username)! =)
u/travel4me Thank you for this ****super gorgeous**** Loupaper postcard of the charming charcuterie snacks! You totally nailed the “brightly colored illustration” prompt - I loooove this card so much! Wishing you the crunchiest carrots, sweetest strawberries, creamiest cheeses, & bluest blueberries at your next social soiree! =)
u/missnettiemoore Thanks for the neato retro Absinthe ad postcard! Love vintage ads. I’ve never tried absinthe either. But I’m all about the art! Wishing you days full of intoxicating laughter & love! =)
u/bluedecemberart Thanks for the elegant Alphonse Mucha postcard! Love your thoughts on watercolor vs. lithographs. Holy moly I don’t know anything about art but I can’t believe it’s watercolor either! Astounding. Thanks for sharing your art expertise with me, I love to learn! Wishing you endless joy as you create your art. =)
u/photographyislove Thanks for the exquisite wildflower specimens postcard! I love illustrated cards like this one. =) I was alarmed to hear about your winter storm traffic story but relieved you’re around to talk about it! Wishing you safety & the best of hilarious podcasts while you drive!
u/mostlygoodthings Thanks for the sweet wishes from Spain - adorably written on the Norway postcard hahaha! I’m feeling envious about the gorgeous ambient sunlight scenes you described. =) Wishing you soft, serene sunlight (not like the sunburns we get in Texas ;( ) & smiles!
u/jamiekj Thanks for the sweet surprise wishes from Savannah! How adorable are you to think of me while on your work trip?!? I appreciate your thoughtfulness so much & hope that you had some fun while on your work trip (or at least tried some tasty treats). =) Wishing you lots of exciting excursions & zero work on your “work” trips haha!
u/lspjackie How cuuuuute is this vintage St. Patrick’s day illustrated postcard?!?!? It is sooooo adorable, & you are too for blessing a stranger with it! I’m insane for vintage illustrated ads & this one is just frame-worthy! Thank you. Hope you had a 17th full of luck & laughter! =)
u/tashmash Loved receiving a postcard from your fave ice cream joint! Thank you. What cuuuute diamond washi you used to decorate the postcard. I feel like American ice cream is devoid of flavofat because they jack it up with sugar. I wonder if your ice cream place uses more fabulous fat than stupid sugar in the ice cream. Your postcard makes me wanna pack up & move to NZ just to test out the goodies for myself. ;) Wishing you boundless buckets of chocolate cherry & cookies & cream ice cream without ice cream headaches!!!
u/Proud_Ad_759 x 2 This Winnie-the-Pooh card is crazy adorable but ALMOST as adorable as you are!!!!! I just LOVE your enthusiasm for snail mail & was so charmed by your cuuuute inquiry if I had received your postcard like a day hahaha after you mailed it from 87 states away! Seriously, your positive energy is so infectious & I’m so happy we met! I was also so happy to hear about your 6th sense…okay the same uber weird stuff happens to me. And it IS a “big thing” my friend! Now how can we channel that into winning the lottery LOL? Just kidding. Sort of - I mean, I’ll take the lottery but to be honest, even if I won it, I would NEVER EVER stop exchanging cards with fabulous fun friends like you! I think I’d just use the $$ to juice up the process. Like I’d hire a full-time assistant to take care of all the RAoC tasks while I just read & appreciate the cards. ;) Thanks also for the funny Peter Pan postcard of the little weirdo exposing his beautiful belly! Just loved your funny, creative answer to my macarena dance prompt !!! If you’re okay with me posting your awesome answer, I’ll do that later when I post a special thanks including all the different answers to the same prompt. =)
u/BetterOwl3221 Hello-Hello I’m so happy-happy to receive this STUNNING Halo-Halo recipe postcard!!!!! THANK YOU! =) I'm including a close-up pic of it in case anyone reading my long-winded nonsense wants to check out the recipe. =) I’m bananas for illustrated cards & this one needs to be framed for my future dream house! All of the pastel colors on this gorgeous card instantly brighten me up & I’m even excited to live today if that makes sense hahaha! It’s kinda cool how one beautiful card from a beautiful stranger can instantly be a beautiful balm for one’s mood. I also loved your description of the dreamy dessert. It sounds so perfect & simply scrumptious! The postmark is from last month - it took ages to get here. And funny, this is the *one* card I kept thinking about for weeks out of all the ones I’ve ever requested because it just looked like the happiest card ever on your post & I was hoping it wasn’t lost. So the day I got it in the mail, I started jumping up & down like a lunatic outside near the mailbox & was so giddy that a kid passing by, ALARMED, asked me if I needed help. I was like, really, you kind moron? I’m smiling & laughing like a nutcake while holding this beautiful mail & your instinct is to call the cops on me hahaha?!? I wanted to yell at the stupid sweetie to check out RAoC so he could experience the kind of joy you made me feel. =)
u/Dolliesqueak Thanks for the super cool Night Sky postcard with the awesome Carl Sagan quote!!! I agree that we are made of star stuff =) Wishing you shooting stars & sweet sunshine!
u/doggotoast x 2 Thanks for the gorgeous SG postcard! So cute! I’m digging your affinity for oatmilk. Yummmm - my fave oatmilk is Planet Oat, Extra Creamy - it’s insanely delicious. :) Thanks also for the bright yellow furniture postcard that woke me up! ;) I LOVE how you’d be workin’ the Macarena even though you “hate dancing” hahaha! Wishing you non-awkward dance experiences & the most aromatic cups of coffee, friend!
u/RideThatBridge Thanks for the super pretty illustrated floral card! I just love the Indian proverb you kindly shared: “All of the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds of today.” This is insanely profound & inspires me to procrastinate a little less with all my work. ;) Here are some of my fave Indian proverbs:
“Don’t poison someone whom you can kill with sweets.”
“They who dream for too long will become like their shadow.”WHATTT!?!? Aren’t these deep?!? Thanks for the lovely inspiration! Here’s hoping your seeds of today blossom into fabulous flowers tomorrow! =)
u/jubilan Thanks for the cool illustrated Hawaiian cocktail postcard with your self-love encouragement! So sweet. Your positive vibes are so beautiful. Wishing you lots of contemplative, wonderful walks & sunny smiles!
u/drivingogre Thanks for the adorable bear postcard FANTASTICALLY FULL (yesssss for zero white space!!!) with the most fun facts!!! “Art used to be an olympic event!” Whaaat?!?!? That sounds amazing! Here’s a cool fact for you: kitty pee-pee glows in the dark! Wishing your lovely brain hoards all the most amazing fun facts forevermore so you can dazzle people dizzy at parties! P.S. Charming u/ellezavech , also a fact fiend like us, taught me a tres cool fact about one of my most fave words, “dazzle”. But you’ll have to work for it by checking out the post ;) https://www.reddit.com/RandomActsofCards/comments/11h673n/thank_you_when_does_bread_rise_when_you_yeast/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
u/sebisrude Not again with this rude nonsense, sugar! I’m dying to hear about this fun/mean username! I’m happy *as hell* you saved me from a critical Pipsticks expenditure emergency (stupid student-loan-debt-be-damned) by sending me this illustrated pen & pencil postcard!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU! I’m batcrap bananas over it & can’t tell you how badly the nerd in me ached for this card when I missed out on an offer for it ages ago! I had never even heard of Pipsticks before I saw this postcard. And now I hope a rich, evil relative dies soon (kidding) & bequeaths me his/her glorious estate which I will then fill with Pipsticks utopia & host a Pipsticks party to which you will be the guest of honor! Wishing you the peppiest of perfect stickers!
u/shipping_addict x 2 Thanks for the super cool NY postcard in the shape of a stamp!!! What a sweetheart you are, sending me the roasted veggies recipe unprompted. :) Are you sure you’re not a southerner, Darlin’, with all that homemade cookin’ & crazy cool cardin’? Thanks also for the *adorable* Over the Garden Wall tarot card!!! What is it about mini cards that drives me merrily mad?!!? I haven’t dived into tarot readings yet but am intrigued by what you wrote: “success, achievement, failure”. All I know is, if I’m successful & achieve, I’m thanking myself. But if I fail, I’m blaming *you*, Sugar, & will send you the ugliest postcards of all time. I’m collecting a batcrapload of ‘em specifically for this purpose. But you’re so cute, sweet, & strangely southern in your demeanor that your polite self would likely write the most heartfelt, sweet lies about how you love it all. ;) And OMG you sent me a Lindsay Lohan PARENT TRAP sticker?!?!? So hilarious & awesome! Hoarding it for life!!!! Also love the cuuuute lemon stamp sticker & the little pastel illustrated cutie!!! Ooooohh I just saw the cool purple Broadway stamp on the envelope - sweeeet!!!! =)
u/SherlockLady x 5 Thanks for the cuuuuuuuutest homemade Easter bunny card I’ve ever seen!!! The smiling sweetie & the bright orange carrot right next to it on the spring-y lime green paper just put me in the best mood! Also love the “You only live once” card, the super motivating “Be brave be bold be you” superhero card, the super thoughtful self-care card, & the Eiffel tower scrapbook paper card! LOVE the cute washi tape samples you sent! The eye-themed one is so adorable & my fave. Thanks also for the stickers & the tea - can’t wait to try it! You constantly spoil me with so much amazing love & I’m so grateful for your nonstop magical mail surprises!!!
u/stephkempf x 8 Sweetheart, I wish I could say I keep you in the postcard sending “business” LOL!!!!! THANK YOU. =) I can only hope that they appreciate you at work & give you boundless bonuses so you can buy as many stamps as your insane, adorable, gorgeous, generous, syrupy sweet heart desires. :) Truly, you AMAZE me with how much you indulge us with your fun, frightening, & frighteningly fun offers hahaha! I honestly had no idea what in the hot holy hell I signed up for when I filled out your birthday bonanza form. All I know is, I keep wondering if it’s my birthday when I’m surprised with a random birthday postcard hahaha! That’s super crazy fun! I’m so jazzed that you’re upcycling all your cards & blessing us with them. LOVE all the b-day postcards - especially the Snoopy one. I don’t understand how that kid never ages. Thanks also for the soothing floral non-bday postcard. I’ll admit I was jarred that it’s not a b-day card hahaha! I so appreciate all the fun, good vibes, & insane beauty you send my way!

We had been knee deep in pig shit for at least three hours when I finally asked Gramps for a story. The old man had been mostly silent that day, save for his grunts of effort while refilling the trough or corralling the hogs in and out of the different pens.
I couldn’t say that I blamed him - helping Uncle Russ on his hog farm was one of the more physically intensive jobs the two of us ever undertook, and we’d just gotten into the worst part. Shoveling shit. Wasn’t much to say anyways and the longer you kept your mouth open, the more you’d start to taste it.
I was shocked Gramps could still put in such a productive day of work in his increasing age - but the truth was, at nearly 70, the old man heaped pounds of manure into the compost pile even faster than I did at 17. Gramps was a large and powerful man, Father Time be damned.
Gramps liked the work though. Good honest labor was all the man had ever known, and he was gonna help his son in law on that farm whether Russ wanted him to lift a finger or not. That’s what men did.
We’d been working ourselves to the bone since sun-up - I never passed on a chance to spend some time with Gramps, and I knew that Uncle Russ would slip me a few bucks for the day, so I’d enthusiastically hopped in the old man’s pickup that morning at 5:00 sharp.
But it had been hours and I was tired and the air stunk. I hoped it was time for a little break.
“Gramps, can we take a load off? Just for a few.”
The old man sighed. He removed his weathered and stained trucker cap - the same one he’d worn my entire life - and used his forearm to wipe the sweat from his liver spotted head.
He plunged his shovel into the stinking and wet pile of manure we were working from as he spoke. “Ah hell, I guess we could use a break.” Thank god, I remember thinking to myself as I did the same with my own shovel and followed the old man over to the large apple tree that loomed over Uncle Russ’s farm.
We couldn’t head inside with our shit stained clothes and there was no point in changing or washing up. We still had a job to finish after our break. Russ had headed into town to grab some supplies and drop off some hogs to a few buyers, but he’d left us a cooler for the day filled with water and some food.
As we took our seats on the shaded but still warm earth beneath the apple tree, Gramps reached deep into the cooler. From it, he withdrew two bottles of water and two ice cold beers. He winked as he tossed me one of each.
I laughed, and we cracked our beer bottles open then clinked them together before taking a nice deep swig. That ice cold swill just hits the body different on a day like that. Really feels like you earned it. The days stayed pretty warm in Vernon, even in the fall. Especially after some hours of hard work. And these sun soaked days with Gramps were the best of times for me. Whether we were sitting on his porch doing a whole lot of nothing, or up to our elbows in stinking shit. I just loved spending time with the old man.
Of course, the real treat any time Gramps and I got together was the stories.
“Hey Gramps, long as we’re sitting here… got a story?” I grinned as I asked the question, couldn’t help myself.
I’ve mentioned before that Gramps always had a story. My grandfather was renowned throughout the town for his ability to weave a colorful and compelling tale.
Thing was though, no matter how outlandish or silly or sometimes scary they got, Gramps’ stories were always true. Comedy, tragedy. Didn’t matter. That was what made them so damn interesting. Whatever the subject matter, this was a recitation of a true event. I trusted the words that came out of that man’s mouth more than I trusted that the sky is blue and that a human being needs to breathe oxygen to survive.
He laughed - it was a mirthful sound, tinged with juuust a hint of annoyance. It was the way he always laughed when I asked the question. We both knew that he loved spinning his yarns as much as I loved listening to them.
Gramps took another swig of his beer, beads of cold sweat running down the sides of the glass bottle. As usual, he was in no hurry to answer. He set the beer down and cracked his aging knuckles, they popped so loud you’d swear the dusty old bones were snapping in two.
“Ah I s’pose it’s the perfect time for it, better’n sittin’ here with our dicks in our hands.” He leaned towards me, thrusting a knobby finger in my direction. “Just one now fuckface,” Gramps warned me sternly. “We’re not gonna piss our whole day away sharin’ stories under the apple tree. Got a job to do.”
I smiled. I always smiled when Gramps used my insulting but still endearing nickname. The kind of nickname you get living in a family of lively hillbillies who all like to drink and horse around a little too much.
Gramps had agreed to a story, just as I’d known he would. Gramps always had a story. He let the moment hang now. Cradled his beer loosely in his hand. He stared off ahead, into the shimmering summer afternoon.
Gramps’ eyes were locked on the hogs. As they rolled in their dirt and sloppily ate from the trough, milled around in their pigpen. Squealin’ and snortin’ the whole time. I always liked the pigs. Didn’t do much like shoveling mountains of poop but the pigs were alright. They were disgusting sure, but they were intelligent creatures. Cute too.
I didn’t much like the thought of Uncle Russ loading some of those pigs up and selling them to the butcher and market. Packing them into the truck and driving them to their doom. It was the way it always was and the way it always would be, I understood that. Just didn’t much comprehend how you could spend your whole life caring for things just to serve them up to a death sentence.
Gramps cleared his throat, disrupting my train of thought. A serious look crossed his face. He kept his eyes locked intently on the frolicking animals. I could already tell by Gramps expression and demeanor that this story wasn’t going to be a comedy.
“Well,” he finally said. “How ‘bout a pig story?”
I leaned toward Gramps, eyes wide with anticipation.
“You ever hear your uncle talk about a bad sow, fuckface?” I nodded. There were many days on Uncle Russ’ farm that I’d heard whispered talks between adults, talks they thought I couldn’t hear. About things like rifles and needing to take a pig behind the shed.
“Well, all that badness started way back when… had to be about forty years ago now by my estimation. When that damned thing showed up the very first time.”
Delmer Wurlick wasn’t a very nice boy. That’s what the adults in town always said about him. To be honest, that was putting it mildly. He was the kind of nasty little punk who left a bag of flaming dog shit on someone’s front porch and laughed as they stomped it out. The type to key cars just for a laugh, prank call old ladies with sex talk and heavy breathing at 2:00 in the morning after stealing their numbers from the church register.
Those were the things that made Delmer not a very nice boy. But the adults in town, they didn’t all know the extent of Delmer’s misdeeds. He wasn’t just a vandal and a punk. He was a killer. He’d started young - squishing bugs a little too enthusiastically and sticking firecrackers in the mouths of frogs he yanked out of the creek. Eyes lighting up as they exploded into wet and slimy chunks of sizzling gore.
At around age fifteen or so, Delmer upgraded to larger animals. Wrapping stray cats in barbed wire, mixing crushed up glass into hunks of raw meat and feeding it to neighborhood dogs.
There was one summer where livestock at various farms all over town fell prey to a mad shooter - a lone gunman in the dark of night firing one right between the eyes of any cow or sheep or goat he could get his hands on.
All the kids in town knew that that was Delmer Wurlick. He’d bragged about taking the rifle once his old man passed out from the gin, and blowing those defenseless critters’ brains out so fast that them and their farmers didn’t know what hit ‘em.
Delmer talked about how they twitched and sputtered even after the life left them. How red chunky ooze bubbled from their pulped and jellified skulls.
Of course Delmer saw no trouble with the law. There was no hard evidence, just a kid talking. And it helps when your alcoholic mess of a dad was once the town sheriff himself, before the jack and the gin and a few too many glassy eyed and slurred speeches at morning roll call did him in. Friends in high places.
So ol’ Delmer pretty much did what he wanted when he wanted. He had a taste for blood and the imagination to indulge.
Hate to say it, but a lot of the kids hung around him anyway. He had this charisma about him, a strange aura that drew you in. There was somethin’ behind his eyes. You didn’t wanna know what it was but you just couldn’t look away.
Didn’t hurt that he’d take groups of kids for a ride in daddy’s caddy. Cruising the streets of Vernon on the nights he wasn’t busy torturing livestock, getting the other kids involved in his car keying and window soaping and all the debauchery.
Things took a turn in the Autumn of ‘53. Bill Wurlick’s good friend Enis was picked up in St. Claire, cruising the streets for a boy to spend the night with. Enis owned a farm just on the outskirts of Vernon, one he’d inherited from his daddy some years back. A middling and not at all spectacular little patch of dirt. Didn’t grow much there. Enis was no green thumb. He had some livestock - a few cows, half empty chicken coop.
Mostly pigs. Wandering, zombified sows and boars that seemed especially apathetic and lethargic. Brought down by the malaise of the place.
With Enis’ looming legal trouble, he turned to his good friend Bill Wurlick to tend to his farm in the meantime. The only man he thought he could trust. Bill Wurlick, gin drunk and not one to rise from his spot on the mangy living room sofa - ‘cept to buy more gin - turned to his son.
So that’s how Delmer Wurlick became the caretaker
For someone like him, this was an all you can eat buffet. Unlimited access to a cadre of defenseless and sickly animals , on secluded farmland where no one would ask any questions.
He’d wake up at dawn each morning and make the 15 minute drive to the farm in Bill’s caddy, snagging a few of his old man’s beers from the fridge on his way out the door.
Once arriving at Enis’ farm, Delmer would get to drinking and begin his “duties.” He planted seeds - half heartedly, tossing them asunder without really looking. Not taking the time to make sure they were distributed properly on the pathetic and wanting earth. Delmer never could get the old and rusting riding mower that sat still in front of Enis’ run down barn to run properly, and so keeping the grass trimmed was permanently checked off of his list of chores rather quickly.
The animals. Delmer was to feed them, provide water. See that their needs were taken care of. The first day or two, Delmer mostly kept his sadism at bay. Hurled handfuls of dry feed at the chicken’s faces. Splashed water at the cows as he filled their drinking trough, yanking on their tails as he left their corral.
There seemed to be some kind of honest attempt by the boy to truly honor his father’s wishes and help out the man’s good friend.
He got bored fast though. Delmer had some kind of insatiable bloodlust. There was something deep within him that needed to see that pain and that hurt.
Maybe it was that pain and hurt were all Delmer Wurlick’d ever known.
When your mother runs off with a band of coke-addled gypsies before you even turn 3 years old. When your cousin takes you into the bathroom only a year or two later at your grandmother’s funeral. When your father is so down in the drink that he cries tears of pure whiskey during those miserable late nights that he leans on your shoulder and asks you for all the answers
What does somebody like that have to offer the world but pain?
On the third day, he crushed one of the chickens to death with a rock. Then took that same rock inside the coop and lifted it up as he could before letting it fall directly onto a waiting cluster of diminutive baby chicks. Delmer licked his lips as the feathers and chunky gore oozed from beneath the stone.
He withdrew a knife from the kitchen and wandered into the cow pen, casually puffing away on one of Enis’ cigarettes. A small and sickly looking brown calf huddled next to its black and white spotted mother. Delmer slowly ran the blade along its skin as the calf mewled plaintively. Then he turned the knife and started cutting.
He’d hacked the thing to pieces in no time at all, a dark red puddle pooling on the hay beneath them. The mother cow stared at him, expressionless, the entire time.
Delmer wasn’t too concerned about getting rid of the mutilated cow parts. He knew that pigs ate pretty much anything. Taking a sledge hammer from the tool shed, Delmer set about mashing the bits of cow into a more digestible paste. Once he was finished, he scooped the jellified mounds of gristle up with a snow shovel. Deposited heaping helpings into the hogs’ feed trough.
The pigs chowed, snorting and huffing as they hungrily gulped down the chunks of flattened meat. Delmer chuckled as he noticed one exhausted looking sow, pink belly swollen to bursting with a litter of piglets, waddle over to the trough with great effort and try to eat her fill
The threshold was crossed. Delmer’s sickening pastime escalated quickly.
Over the ensuing days, he stabbed and shot and tormented. He’d dunk the chickens in turpentine and take a lighter to their feathers. Drop them into an empty barrel and piss on them to put it out. Twisted a cork screw into the eye of one of the cows, so deep that he couldn’t get a grip to retrieve it. He sliced its neck while it tried to buck him away with its weakened legs.
Delmer’d even invited a few of the local kids over to partake in the booze and the cigs and sometimes yes, even the hurting. Most of them didn’t like it much. Most of them were downright disturbed by it. But the allure of an older boy with ready access to a car and beer and all the tantalizing freedoms of adulthood was hard to pass up. If that freedom meant that the boys and girls had to bash a chicken to death with a fire poker, or slice a pigs snout from its face while it squealed and cried for mercy, many weathered the storm.
The corruption was the part Delmer liked.
Things changed when the sow gave birth. Delmer had watched the fattened pink creature keel over that brisk October day, flatten itself on its side and start breathing frantically. He certainly was excited to see those little piglets.
He hopped on the kitchen phone and called a few of the boys and girls over, telling them he had the beer and the cigs and something they wanted to see.
A small flock of kids had arrived by the time the sow pushed out her first piglet. The soft, squinting thing was covered in a fine layer of fuzz. Its pointed ears pressed backward, a calm expression across its face.
Delmer immediately raised his leg and smashed the piglet in one stomp. He cackled as it exploded into a chunky red mist. The crowd of children looked on, aghast at this display. Cruel and twisted and sick even for Delmer Wurlick.
A boy toward the back vomited, tears streamed down one girl’s face. It suddenly wasn’t so easy to look the other way, or to participate in these atrocities. The adult freedoms, doing what you wanted when you wanted. It was a kind of cage.
The sow seemed to lock its solid black eye on Delmer, and began loudly shrieking as it continued pushing out its litter of newborns. Its body writhed and shook with pain or anxiety or maybe some awareness of what was happening to its kin.
Suddenly, Delmer withdrew a buck knife from his back pocket. He lunged forward and sliced the sow open from neck to ass. The entire contents of its stomach spilled out in a steaming, stinking mess. Purple guts and thick rivers of blood. The rest of the piglets.
Covered in their mother’s gore and introduced to the world via this hellish act.
Delmer’s smile widened as he loomed over the pile of writhing and helpless newborns. His eyes widened as they met one particular pig in the mound of viscera.
Plunging his hands into the mess, Delmer spun around as he withdrew the object of his attention.
Facing the group of neighborhood children, cradled in Delmer’s outstretched hands, was a shaking and blood covered newborn piglet.
It didn’t look like any pig they’d ever seen.
The thing’s eyes bulged out of its head, its snout was basically nonexistent - a receding patch of flesh with two curved holes to breathe. Its mouth hung open wide, wider than a pig’s mouth should. It didn’t look like a pig’s mouth. No, with its broad width and rows of square teeth, it sure as hell looked like a man’s.
On the thing’s head were two pointed, fleshy bulbs. A sobbing boy yelled that they looked like horns.
As the mutated piglet gulped air and clacked its hideous teeth together, the crowd of children went into a frenzy. Many of them sprinted away in fear.
Delmer spun the twisted thing around and stared in its bulbous and swollen eyes. He thought of all the things he’d do to this pitiful creature that should not have been born.
Something happened though, in that moment. Something that even Delmer’s depraved mind couldn’t comprehend.
It spoke.
“You’re going to Hell Delmer. Your soul is going to be raped, your brain replaced with nothing but writhing maggots. You’ll be impaled on the endless and barbed horns of the great one. Forever. Split right down the middle, split in two. An eternity of agony.”
The tiny creature clacked its teeth together maniacally, cackling as it continued, in its garbled and inhuman voice. Delmer was frozen in silence.
“It’s already begun. For eons you’ve been tortured, chewed up and spit out. Forced to relive the evil deeds that placed you here. Your soul is black. Unclean. The kind we love. In that empty world of twisted hills and encroaching dark, you’ll wander and wander. Searching for hope and relief. All you’ll find is torment. We have your mother. Your cousin too.”
The thing’s voice took on an excited lilt as it spoke those last words. A blackened tongue emerged from between its lips, running back and forth across yellowed teeth. Delmer didn’t like to think about his mother or that cousin. He felt his bladder start to lose control.
“They’re suffering too Delmer, that’s all we ever do really. We suffer and we hurt. It’s because of them that the hollow world lives between your ears. We are going to tear your flesh off strip by strip and watch you eat it. You’re a vile creature, just like me. ”
Delmer screamed. He flung the thing to the ground with all his might, and it landed with a wet thud. That didn’t stop it.
It lifted its head and stared at Delmer, that hideous visage glaring up at him from the pile of smashed gore that was once its body.
“You can’t save yourself Delmer. You’re a damned sinner , and sinners reap what they sow!”
The scant few kids who hadn’t had the mental capacity to run watched in abject horror as the bug eyed demon suddenly began rising from the earth. All the mutilated animal parts - the mother pigs guts and the blood slicked bodies of the awful pig creature’s brethren - they coalesced into a terrible form. A mass of viscera in the vague shape of a humanoid.
Delmer screamed as the thing lurched forward, stretching out a long and appendage-like strip of dripping entrails. The wet spot on his jeans grew. In one swift movement, the thing spread itself apart and engulfed Delmer. He was covered head to toe in that horrible mess. Stuck inside of it.
The children could see him, writhing and pushing from inside the thing. Trying futilely to escape.
The pig creature clacked its teeth even more frantically. It suddenly let out a deep and guttural wail, loud enough to split the sky. The movement from within ceased.
It stared at the kids with those bulging, leaking eyes. Wide smile growing so large that it eclipsed its diminutive face, tearing the skin as it opened its mouth again to speak.
“I will come for each and every one of you, come in the night when your parents can’t protect you. I’ll make you feel every ounce of agony that the suffering souls of the endless void have endured for eons. This pain and bloodshed is absolute, and the screaming of tortured children will ring out and echo up to the ebony sky of the hollow world. Delmer doesn’t live here anymore.”
Then, it exploded. Chunks of wet meat flew in every direction, splattering the chicken coop and the barn and the children’s faces.
Mass panic ensured. The children finally dispersed and ran from the farmhouse for the comparative safety of anywhere else on earth. Through their tears and their horror, they screamed a single word.
Devil.
Gramps took a long swig from his beer as I stared at him in disbelief. It was another horror story, a terrible tale of horror and evil. Animal torturers and real life devils.
I had to ask.
“Well… then what happened? What happened with the farm? And to all those kids?”
Gramps signed. “Well, I was already grown and on my own back when this mess first happened. Only really heard about it third hand at the time. Those kids that were there with Delmer Wurlick that day had a real fear in ‘em. Little shits. Got home and told their mommies and daddies everything. Ah, the sheriff cleaned up the mess at Enis’ farm. Burnt the place down not long after. Just didn’t seem like the energy was any good there. All that death and bloodshed.”
I swallowed nervously, saying nothing and allowing Gramps to continue.
“No one much missed Delmer, not even ol’ Bill. Boy’s own father. So I can’t tell you there was a concerted effort to really solve the mystery of whatever bad forces grabbed the little prick that day.”
I could already sense that there was more to this bizarre tale. An epilogue, a postscript.
“But ya see fuckface,” Gramps’ voice sounded tired now. “Ever since that day, every year around October, we see one a’them things.”
My expression must’ve been quizzical, because Gramps clarified
“A bad sow.”
My eyes widened.
“Yep, every autumn a female pig’ll push out a litter, and at least one’a those little bastards’ll have bulgin’ eyes and fleshy horns and rows and rows of square yellow teeth.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “But I mean… what do people do with them?” I asked.
Gramps stared at me like he thought I must’ve been stone stupid to ask that question. “Well, we pull ‘em away from the littler and take ‘em behind the barn and we…” Gramps trailed off, his gaze leaving me to settle on the hogs once again. “We do what we need to do.”
“I think Delmer Wurlick brought the devil to Vernon that day, fuckface. Only, the devil never really left.”
Gramps suddenly stood, stretching his legs and groaning as he straightened his back.
I was still comprehending the insanity of what I’d just heard, and stared up at him from my seated position.
“Folk around here though, we always try our best to keep those things in check. Mind our own and deal with the problems as they come. Delmer Wurlick was just a kid but, I reckon he deserved what he got. If you go lookin’ for hell, eventually the devil’s gonna find you.”
Gramps was still gazing out at the pigs when he realized I was still cemented to the ground. “Well god damn fuckface, hop to it. Story time’s over, got a job to finish.”
I leapt to my feet, nodding. I ran my hand over the back of my neck as we made our way back to the pig pen, back to the shit.
Gramps chuckled under his breath. “A’course,” he said with a devilish wink, “who’s to say folk always find the bad sow in time?”
My heart stopped, skin went pale.
Gramps laughed louder now as he withdrew our shovels from the manure pile and thrust mine into my hand.
I didn’t pay much attention to Gramps or the farm or the stench of shit the rest of that work day though. My mind was elsewhere as we shoveled that stinking slop.
I couldn’t possibly focus on anything but the lone pregnant sow wandering about Uncle Russ’ pens. Pink belly full and protruding.
Sure to soon give birth to a happy and healthy litter of beautiful little piglets.

For this I had multiple ideas, so here they are
"The Accident" Sumire's Vengence Burying Oka Alive. Bullying Oka?

"The Accident" Monday - Week 4

• You start the day by seeing a cutscene of the bullies gossiping again, they are talking about the events you caused prior to this week and start shit talking the basu sisters and how "weird" they are. They even mention the ghost of the third floor bathroom, mentioning that it is a myth within school grounds that some idiots, like the occult club, fully believe in. You can hear them even talk about the murder case that took place. Just to give a bit of lore into the game.
• Oka, who is cleaning the bathroom stall, will overhear the gossip and take a mental note of some of the things that was said. Promptly walking out. After doing so she is followed by harassment of the bullies.
• Around Monday morning, a little bit closer to class time, you can overhear Oka talking to herself in the club room about how the ghost might actually be a demon in disguise. You can choose to talk to Oka and tell her to investigate the "weird ghost of bathroom floor 3". She even says you can get information about the Basu sisters if you talk to the spirit, making her REALLY want to talk to them.
• Oka notes that 3-4AM is the prime time demons are active, meaning she would need help getting access to school grounds at that time. You agree.

Monday Night

You probably might need to buy a Ouija board from the toy store before going to do this activity.

• Around 2:30AM on monday night, you and Oka meet just outside of school grounds. You note that due to recent activity ( due to disappearances or murders ) they have police guards outside, roaming the gate of the school.
• You can either walk to the nearby town and break into a store to gain bangsnaps and masks OR you can simply distract them using giggles, footsteps and rocks you find.
• If you're inside of the store, you could do a little minigame where you have to avoid cops, closer to the "stalker house" for Osana.
• Once you have a clean gate. You can hop the gate to get into school grounds. You remember from looking around that turning off the alarm system is hidden somewhere inside of the school grounds on one of the walls.
• Walking around, and distracting more guards, you can find a little box that's inside of a building known only as "Faculty Only" ( replaces the maze ). This building can get into for yet another lockpicking minigame, simelar to "Skyrim". Once in you can sneak around.
• At the back of the building you locate a box which has a password. You need one.
• If you have ever snooped around the headmasters office, you would have accidentily picked up this password thrown away in the trash. "1980".
• Imputting the password safely shuts down the alarm system of the school. You and Oka now enter the school.
• You make your way up to the third floor with flashlights in a little cutscene where you talk to eachother. Just a little way for Oka to gain your trust. Maybe another Minigame?
• You and Oka will pull out an Ouija board. Once she does this, you will sneak out of the room and attempt to find something lethal.
• Using the gloves from the drama club, A piece of rope you find inside of the Gym, the sacrificial knife and some red paint. You can stage this murder to look like it took place due to a freaky demon summoning. Leaving the Ouija board where it is on the letter "d".

​

Tuesday Morning

• On Tuesday morning Oka is found, in a little cutscene of the bullies finding her body in the 3rd story bathroom. She is dead.
• They will take pictures and report the death as well as post it over social media.
• Walking around school for the rest of the week you can hear unique dialogue where students talk about the death. It was ruled as supernatural. Rival Eliminated.

Burying Oka Alive
For this method you will need a little bit of prep beforehand.

Monday Morning

• Monday you must befriend every member inside of the occult club and do their unique tasks. Some might be helping them take books to the Occult club. Others might be to research things. It will take a full day.

Tuesday Morning

• On tuesday ask one of the people you befriended to follow you. Kill them any ways necessary and get away with it any way you wish to.
• You then wait for someone to find the corpse. Anyone will do. Bonus points if it's student council. Or Oka herself.

Wednesday Morning

• Attend the "Loss of a student" assembly at the start of the day.
• at the end of the assembily walk around and try and find out where Oka is.
• Once you find Oka. Sobbing inside of the occult club. Talk to her.
• If you play your cards right you can get an invite to the funeral. Oka will even put her number in your phone to text you the address.

Thursday Morning

• You don't attend school. Instead you call in sick and go to the store to pick up supplies. Mostly being a bunch of useful items to help you Bury Oka.

Friday Morning

• Friday, if you have your score high enough, you can tranq Oka.
• There will be a cutscene where, instead of bringing her home, you can bring her to the cemetary where one of her friends is buried.
• There will be a little minigame where you need to dig up the grave and place Oka inside.
• The other member of the occult club will be disposed of. Maybe inside of the river nearby.
• Before the funeral friday afternoon, You swap the corpse of Oka and Supana inside of the coffin left right next to the hole they dug for it.
• While the funeral is attending, Oka wakes up. Her screams and cries cannot be heard in a six foot deep hole.
• After everyone leaves you see Ayano stay behind. The camera pans to her face as she smiles a very twisted grin. Bye Bye Oka!

Bullying Oka?

Monday - Week 4

• You walk to the basu sisters and notice Oka is stalking them. You take a picture of this.
• Through the day you will notice Oka clearly stalking these sisters. Take multiple pictures. You'll need them.
• Either you can report her to the councler and remove her that way...or...

Monday Night

• Monday Night you can go onto social media and upload a doc including the images of Oka stalking. "Today I saw Oka Ruto stalking the Basu sisters! Weird much?"
• The bullies will respond.

Tuesday Morning

• The bullies will target Oka.
• You can see all of them but Kokoro joining in. Kokoro seems distant.
• Buy a microphone. You'll need it for later.

Tuesday Lunch

• At lunch time you can see the bullies hanging out at the back of the school while on a smoke break. They gossip about Oka. Making fun of how creepy and weird she is. Basically shit talking her.
• Record the conversation <3
• Either wait til class time or get your way around staff and steal the ID card from the teachers lounge. This is to turn on the announcement speakers.

Tuesday class time

• During class time make your way over to the announcemt room
• You do a minigame like the Swipe card minigame from Among Us.
• If you've got what you need the outside red box above the door should turn from "Off air to On Air"
• The speakers will blast out the conversation that happened at lunch of all of the girls shit talking Oka. Everyone is listening.
• Oka will put her head on the desk and cover her ears. Kokoro looks over at her in sympathy.
• You quickly leave the room as you see staff coming.

Tuesday after school

• Kokoro and Oka will have a conversation about what happened.
• You note that Kokoro hates being apart of the bullies and tells Oka she doesn't mean to hurt her.
• She promises to not bully Oka, but cannot say that for her friends.
• Notification: "Kokoro isn't a bully?"

​

Wednesday Morning

• Put a note in Kokoro's locker talking about "Bullying Resentfulness".
• "Maybe I should meet them?"
• Meet her on the rooftop.

Kokoro: "Oh! You're the one who wanted to meet me here?" Ayano: Yes. I need to ask some questions. Kokoro: I'm listening..? Ayano: I apologise for being insensitive. I overheard your conversation with Oka while cleaning. Why are you friends with Musume? Kokoro: It's a long story honestly..I don't wish to talk about it. Ayano: What if I said I could help you remove yourself from the group? Kokoro: *Ugh* Fine. I'll tell you. Only if you promise that it won't be spread to them. Kokoro: Back in my old school I was the nerdy girl that was bullied for being different. The bullying got so bad I got thoughts of..disappearing. I was quickly enrolled in akademi after informing my parents. Kokoro: I joined and instantly got scared of Musume and her gang. I knew I wouldn't survive if I got bullied again..sooo I joined them. Kokoro: If you can't beat 'em. Join 'em. So.. I dressed like them, acted like them and eventually befriended them. Kokoro: Every damn fuckin' day I wish I could leave the damn group...but I'm too scared to. Ayano: You can. I have a plan. Kokoro: what do you mean? Ayano: Meet me at the allyway by odayaka bakery at 6pm. I'll tell you. Kokoro: I'll take anything at this point to be myself again. I'll meet you there.

• Through the day you can see Oka getting bullied. Time and time again Kokoro refuses to bully. This leads to a "talk".

Wednesday Lunch Time

• Behind the school Musume and Kokoro have a conversdation. Record it.

Musume: Koko, the fuck? Kokoro: What do you mean, Musume? Musume: You refuse to indulge in our group anymore, what gives eh? You lesbian or something? Kokoro: Lesbian, what do you mean? Musume: You love the girl. that Oka girl. Don't you? Kokoro: No. Ew. She's a freak I'd never love a girl like her. Kokoro: She's a fuckin' weirdo that's into that weird occult shit. She's ugly and gross too and a petty little stalker. She's insane. Never love agirl like her. We ain't even friends. Musume: That's the spirit! So guuurl why do you liiiike...not bully her theeeen? Kokoro: I wanna get more info to expose her to the WHOLE school. Tryna figure out who spread out juicy little convo *Both of them giggle* Musume: alright gurl, talk to you lateeerrr!

• Musume will go back to the group.
• You can share this audio with Oka. Oka will be deeply upset.
• Kokoro and Oka will have a conversation shortly after. Oka will slap Kokoro. Take a pic of this.
• Follow Oka to her club where she will talk to Supa. Record this.

​
Oka: *Crying her eyes out* I hate this world! Supa: Oka, what's wrong? Are you okay? Oka: NO! My best friend is a MONSTER! She used me! Oka: H..How did I not see this coming? She was a bully! A freaking bully! Supa: Okay, whoa whoa. Calm down. What happened? Oka: Musume trash talked me to the whole school and now my friend Kokoro is doing it too! Supa: Okay...maybe she has another reason for doing this? Oka: WHAT OTHER REASON?! Is it because she thinks I'm weird? That I'm a stalker? Oka: UGH MUSUME IS A FUCKING BITCH!! Supa: Wow.. I've never seen you like this... Oka: SHUT UP! If Musume never talked shit about me Kokoro would never hate me IT'S ALL MUSUME'S FAULT!

• Take the conversation to Musume to hear. Musume will be standing next to the pool having a smoke.
• After hearing this Musume will go "WHAT THE FUCK?! SHE'S GOING DOWN!" and run away.
• Musume will run into the doorway of the occult club and point at Oka. Start recording!

Musume: YOU!! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT SHIT ABOUT ME!! Oka: *Preying* I-I didn't...I wasn't... *Oka looks at her hands* Musume: Don't lie to me Oka. this is the final stray. I WILL ruin your life.

• Musume runs off angry. Kokoro will appear, wondering what is going on.
• She sees Oka crying and Supa hugging her.

Kokoro: Oka...I... Oka: SHUT UP!! YOUR ONE OF THEM!! MAYBE IF YOU CARED YOU WOULD'VE PROTECTED ME FROM THIS!! Oka: YOU WERE MY FIRST FRIEND HERE AND YOU JOINED THOSE BITCHES!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!

• Kokoro will start crying. She will turn to you, noticing you saw it.
• "I can't do this anymore...what's the plan?"
• I'll tell you at 6. You hug Kokoro.

​

6pm. Wednesday Night.

• You meet Kokoro in the allyway behind the Bakery.

Kokoro: Ayano! What's the plan Ayano: We're going to break in. Kokoro: huh...what do you mean? Ayano: You wanna leave the bullies, right? Kokoro: Yea... Ayano: The only way, in my eyes, is to stop her from bullying alltogether. Kokoro: WHAT?! Kokro: Ayano! She will NEVER listen to me! What were you thinking? Ayano: It's the only option we have!! Besides, I'll be there if things get out of hand. Ayano: If you don't you'll continue to be tormented by the disgusting actions the gang does. The only option you have is to reform her from her selfish ways. Then you will save Oka and yourself! Kokoro: and...if we fail...? Ayano: Leave it to me. Kokoro: Let's do it. I'm in. Ayano: Good choice.
​

10pm. Wednesday Night.

Kokoro: So how are we going to do this? Ayano: What does she normally do at this time? Kokoro: Write fucked up shit about other people on her shitty little drama blog. Ayano: Let's sneak in. It'll be too risky to knock on the door. Ayano: Oh, You might need this. Your clothes and hair stand out like a sore thumb.

• You can then enter the house. You look around and find an open window next to some vines. You can climb up these.
• Notification: "Follow Kokoro into Musume's room!"
• You follow Kokoro to the room and watch round the door.

Kokoro: Musume babes, we need to talk. Musume: OMFG!! KOKORO!! A simple knock would do?? What the fuck are you wearing? Kokoro: Not important. We need to talk. Musume: Okaaay...what about babes? Kokoro: I think we should drop the act we have. Yknoe, being bullies? It's- Musume: Wait..What?! Musume: oh my gawd you did not. You just betrayed me and the girls that's liek the number one rule??! Kokoro: No...I didn't- Musume: You stupid fuckin bitch, you're the same four eyed loser than when you first joined. Why did I even let you join our group? Musume: EXPECIALLY after EVERYTHING I did for you. Hanging out with losers like Oka? No gurl. Kokoro: She's not a loser Musume... Musume: Yes she is. OMG but so are you though?? WTF this is like totes going on my blog LMAO! You're such a loser I can't even! Kokoro: Shut the fuck up Musume. Musume: Excuse me, slut? How about you go back to reading your horror books. I'll make your life a living hell to make it as REAL as possible for you. LMAO! Kokoro: SHUT THE FUCK UP MUSUME!! Musume: Bad things happen to people that betray us you ugly fuckin' rat. Can't wait to see you and the stalker weirdo suffer. Kokoro: SHUT UP MUSUME!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

• A Cutscene will play out of Kokoro brutally stabbing and murdering Musume in a fit of rage.
• "OH MY GOD!! MUSUME ARE YOU OKAY?!"
• "MUSUME SPEAK TO ME! OH GOD!! I DON'T WANNA GO TO JAIL!!"
• You can go one of three ways here.
• You can get Kokoro arrested. Oka will believe the death Kokoro caused was because of her and decide to change schools. People would start beliving it was her that caused it anyways.
• You can help Kokoro. You can make the evidence look like Oka did it, even leaving a blood stained copy of Oka's clothes inside of Musume's bathroom. You can do this if you got Oka to change out of her uniform previously. Oka will be arrested.
• Clean up. Nobody say anything. The bullies will realise due to this that bullying can really cause damage to others. They will change their ways, looks and part ways into different friend groups and clubs. Kokoro will confess she has feelings for Oka after apologising. Oka is hesitant but will accept the confession, Rival Eliminated. Sumire's Vengence

Sunday - Week 3

• On this night, you will get a cutscene of Ayano sleeping. In the "dream world" everyone is at school, but nobody notices you. If they do, you're called "Ryoba."
  
• Walking up to the 3rd story bathroom you start to hear some of the dialogue from the 1980's Tutorial rival.
  
• You follow blood splatters into the bathroom and see Sumire's corpse, on the floor.
  
• After this you have another cutscene of you, watching your mother kill her first victim. The camera pans through a hallway of bloody flootsteps, blood splotches and then her, in the bathroom, murdering her victim.
  
• Ayano will say she feels a "cold breeze" and then get jumpscared by what looks to be Sumire, just with a distorted face.
  
• Ayano states she wants to put a stop to those nightmares as she has better things to worry about.
  

Monday - Week 4

• The morning will start with Oka and Senpai talking inside of the occult club. Oka will be sitting on one of the tables as Senpai is talking to her. She asks why senpai is going home early and if it's about his sisters birthday.
• He says he did, he wishes to bring her a gift but has no idea where he should put it, since she could easily go find it.
• Oka says she will keep the gift safe.
• You can then follow Oka and Senpai to the occult club where he is asked to join the clubs activies, noting that he is interested.
• They will note that they are talking about the "seven mysteries of akademi high".

Monday Lunch Time

• You can go to the Library to talk to Kuudere. She will ask as her task for help organising the Library since the bullies trashed it the day prior. You can help. While doing so you find a diary of someone that talks about some of the mysteries of Akademi.
• Inside of the book it has a slip of newspaper which talks in depth about the death inside of the upstairs third story bathroom.
• A notification will pop up. "So these dreams DO mean something. I should take a look at the bathroom."
• Walking in the bathroom you can see a notification saying "You feel cold. Go find Oka."
• You watch her walk back to class and sit alone and read. So you go to class too.

Cleaning Time

• Around cleaning time when people are getting ready to leave, you notice Oka walking to the same bathroom.
• She mysteriously dissapears when walking into the bathroom. A notification pops up saying "go find senpai".
• You find him and follow him to make sure he gets home safely.

Monday Afternoon

• You will have a cutscene where Ayano is talking to her mother.
• She will ask about the girl "Sumire" but get zero answer, even getting told to pay attention in class instead of silly roumers.
• Notification: "Mother is keeping a naughty little secret. Those dreams mean something"

The game Jumpcuts to Tuesday Morning

• You stalk senpai. "Oh my belovid senpai, why must you be tainted with this witches gaze?"
• You overhear some occult club members talking about the ghost.
• You can interupt the conversation and ask to know more, being prompted to join the occult club.
• You agree to join and both of them goofily run off to tell Oka.
• You get a cutscene of saki and inkyu talking about how they "have to be silent for her" and "don't forget why we are here".
  
• You are now in the occult club, surrounded by it's members.
  
• Oka refuses to let Ayano join, but after being persuaded by her club members she caves and allows it.
  
• Notification: "Oka really knows a lot more than she lets on. She is a wolf in sheeps clothing."
  

After Class

• You see senpai and Oka talking.
• You hear senpai talking about a book he took from oka
• Before figuring out a plan you realise he read it all already. Shoot.
• Senpai and Oka agree to meet up at 5:15 at the school enterence.
• Oka will walk to the rooftop, while doing so you see her appearence in the mirror glitch into "Sumire". You freak out.
• Oka walks to the roof. The school bell rings and the screen cuts to black.

9pm,Tuesday Night

• You see a cutscene of Ayano reading one of the books she stole from the occult club.
• Ayano will start reading, talking about how to contact a spirit.
• She notes that the hole of a Planchette can be used to see into a persons soul, see the real them.
• A planchette was given to you by Chojo earlier that day for helping him clean out the occult books from the library ( if you did his task )
• If you didn't do his task, you can buy a planchette from a new store called "Halloween all the time" that sells makeshift blood and stuff.
• As she talks, the light above her starts flickering, the scene cuts to black.

Wednesday Morning

• You start inside of the gym. Oka says you cannot do the activity today as she needs to go somewhere important tonight.
• Someone in the club says she's actually going on a date with the "boring dude". Your Senpai.
• Notification: "How fucking DARE she goes on a date with him. I'm going to murder her".
• Panning back to Oka's face you realise she has a menacing grin on it. She knows what she's doing.
• Chojo then says he didn't have food this morning so he is going to get some. Snapping you out of your thoughts.
• Supana says she wishes to go with you. You oblige.
• You get a cutscene where Supana and Ayano talk together in the occult club.
• You get to learn a bit about Oka and her club friends. Mostly you learn she's a weird anomaly that randomly showed up one week and became super close to her club members as well as senpai. Weird.
• Notification: "If they knew her for a year, how have they not figured out her secret yet?"
• Notification: "I'm pretty sure she isn't what she looks like."

Wednesday Lunch Time

• At lunch you See Oka in the occult club. Alone.
• You walk up behind her and look through the planchette. You see the ghost of Sumire staring back at you.
• Notification: "What the fuck?"
• Oka will notice you are there and ask if you need something, this time her face is distorted.
• Ayano will say she is just passing by, prompting Oka to say she looks tense. This time with the face of Sumire.
• Ayano will freak out and promptly leave. A little cutscene of her running through the school is played.

Wednesday After School

• Around 5pm you can listen in to the conversation between a drama club member and a cooking club member at the front of the school. They are talking about how the third floor bathroom stinks and blames it on bento.
• You then can walk a bit to see Oka and Senpai talking.
• They are making a documentary.
• Notification: If my kind killed you once we can kill you again.
• You talk to Supana behind the school about a spirit that has come back for revenge.
• She notes that according to a book she read spirits that come back for revenge come back with false forms.
• Supana gives you multiple ideas on how people exercise ghosts. A lot of these ideas are the ones seen inside of Phasmophobia OR Mortuary Assistant
• You note the topic inside of the occult book was confusing and thank her for clearing up what you were confused about. She says you're welcome and you both part ways.

Wednesday Evening Cutscene

• Burning the place where she died and her would be difficult considering Ayano doesn't know exactly where she died, so she'd have to burn the entire bathroom.
• Ayano notes not only the difficulty in louring Oka to that exact bathroom but also the fact that burning the room would be really difficult inside of a school.
• Ayano notes she has seen her go there and disappear, maybe she can wait for her there.

Thursday Morning

• A cutscene starts of the bell ringing and all of the students walking into school.
• It cuts to ayano standing outside of the gardening club staring at the leader.
• Once you take control, you have to do the minigame to steal the keys. You then have to distract the gardening leader and somehow manage to get gasoline into the school.
• Notification: Wait for class time.
• Once class time is there, you can sneak the gasoline can into the third story bathroom and hide it inside of a stall. Nobody goes in here anyways.
• You can then go to the announcement room and do a minigame similar to Among Us to disable cameras and remove the cables.
• You can do another minigame similar to Welcome to the game 2 which can get you to delete footage off of the PC of you carrying the jerry can into the school itself.
• You rush to class and get a minigame that's the same as the Councler minigame. You can do this minigame to get out of detention for being late.

Thursday lunchtime you can purchase Matches from Info-Chan. You can also go to the store any previous days to buy them yourself.

After school Thursday

• You walk up to the bathroom and place the contents of the jerry can around. This could also be a minigame simelar to Viscero Cleanup Detail where you can use a mop possibly to place the contents all around the floor?
• You can hide in a stall and wait. 20 minutes pass.
• Notification: I've been waiting 20 minutes. Where the hell is she?
• You walk out of the stall, triggering a cutscene.
• You walk up to oka. Seemingly dead on the bathroom floor. Right where she died all those many years ago.

Ayano: Sumire? Ayano: S..She's dead? ???: Isn't dead. Just unconcious. Ayano turns around, suprised someone else is here. Ayano: Who are you? Panning the camera around to see the person ayano is talking to, you see it is the ghost of Sumire herself.
A cutscene plays out, glitchy but just about seeable. Dialogue glitchy but just about hearable. It shows Sumire's death. The face of the Murderer is blurred, but due to the hair you can clearly see it's Ryoba.
Ayano: So you are Sumire. You used Oka's blood to hold your false form the entire time.. Sumire: At least you got something right. Sumire: Oka was the easiest. Just a little paranormal activity and she came running! Your mother is the real one to blame here. Ayano: Even if you despised my mother so much, what is your purpose? You used an Innocent girl as your puppet! Sumire: Don't act like you CARE for Oka. You only wanted Taro after all. Sumire: Besides. I was using her as a ploy for you. I will use your blood to take your form and get revenge on your mother for what she did to me all those years ago. Sumire: After getting rid of your mother and taking her form, I will finally have Jokichi all to myself! Ayano: So you only took Oka's form and flirted with Taro as a ploy to get me here so you can steal my blood and take my form to act upon your weird revenge plan? Sumire: Ah! Ahahaha! I wish your mother was this intellegent! Ayano: I wish you were too. Can you smell?
Ayano lights a match and throws it to the ground. Ghastly screams start being heard. Ayano stares at Sumire with a twisted sadistic grin as the camera slowly pans down to Oka's seemingly lifeless body. The body is then dragged off scene. The screen cuts to black. Soon after this the sprinkler system kicks in and starts spraying the bathroom. You leave the scene as the police are called.

Thursday night at your house.

You and Oka can be seen in the living room. She is lying down with bandages on her and an ice pack on her head. She can also be seen in a blanket you found inside of the basement. She sits up. Stares at you and smiles lovingly.
Oka: Thankyou for saving me. Ayano. Oka: I never really did love that man. I'm so glad I'm free now.

Friday Morning

A cutscene starts, The headmaster makes an announcement that the bathroom was on fire after school yesterday. Nobody has been caught, considering the cameras were disabled. He states the bathroom is strictly off limits and anyone going in there shall and will be suspended indefinably until they find the culprit. He asks that people stop calling the bathroom "Haunted" and to keep a close eye out for any weird activity involving the bathroom. He thanks everyone and lets them get on with their day.
If you walk around school grounds before class, multiple people can be found with unique dialogue that you can listen in on which talk about how they feel about the burning haunted bathroom. The scene cuts to black as soon as you go to class and the next week starts after that. Oka is presumed eliminated, considering she never liked Senpai.
​
What do you guys think?

Hello fellow "Fapstronauts".
I'm here to talk about my journey in NoFap so far, even though it is not as long as many of you around here.
First of all, I'm making this post because of two reasons:

1. I just want to share my journey since I've got here;
2. Try to moralize some of you who still struggle to beat this shit of an addiction.

So, my journey around here started about a year ago (part of the reason I'm writing this as well) and I have got a lot of ups and downs throughout this year or so, and I mean A LOT.
Getting a little bit of context, my addiction to p**n started when I was about 11 yr old(I'm 20 now). My grandad passed away at the start of the year and I normally would stay with him and my grandmother when my parents couldn't stay with me. After that I started to be alone at home and having no restrictions to the Internet I started to found this big pit that most of us want to get out.
Since than, every time I was home alone, before sleeping and even during the shower (but never in places I could potentially get caught) the first thing I would do was to beat my meat thinking that I was doing something amazing while watching that disgusting videos, and I saw a lot of it and pretty bad things as well, which I don't understand how I could like something like that.
And about a year ago my life changed when I discovered this subreddit. At first I thought this was a joke, and that people around here were just frustrated minds who didn't had a life or nothing better to do, but after looking through the subreddit I found story's of people who were just like me and I decided to give it a try.
People who felt regret after doing it, people who felt their social life was getting affected, people who didn't had the confidence or strength to do normal things in life, e.t.c. I was almost looking at a mirror and decided to start this journey.
At the beginning I really thought this would be an easy job, to show to myself that I was not addicted. And I was completely wrong. DEAD WRONG. Probably till the beginning of this year I never got more than a week of a full streak. But with changes in my lifestyle, such as:

1. Doing some exercise, as I don't have the possibility to go to the gym so I got a treadmill and some weights as doing some pushups or abs, at home;
2. Reading books, something I would do a lot when I was younger that this addiction stole from me;
3. A little bit less of social media, even though I still use it as I don't get much affected for it;
4. And most importantly, getting out more.

All this points I started doing it more this year really helped me. That's why I got my biggest streak ever. 23 going to 24 days in 20 minutes as I'm writing this. And at this point of the streak I can say I really feel different. I feel more energetic, I feel more confident, I feel I can be way more "socializer" with anyone and that I can have a good conversation going with anyone at any place.
Of course, throughout all this days I got a lot of urges, I got a lot of double thinking, a lot of doubts but I came through all of them and can say that this was the first day I got with 0 urges to do it.
I'm probably not the guy to give the best tips, as my streak isn't that long, but I can say that the fact I've met a beautiful girl really helped me too. It helped me because every time I would get the urge I would thing of how I would disappoint, not only myself but her as well. Not only I was capable to talk to her because of this journey, but her presence helped me to get to this point.
I saw a post saying that someone feels that people seem to hate him because of masturbating several times a day, and someone answered that it is all sub-conscious and that people start to have a more confident posture when they are on a long streak, and that's why they seem to get more interactions during their day. Well, I cannot agree more with it. Indeed I started to notice that people notice me more, come to talk to me more, ask me more things to do and seem pretty happy when I'm around.
So the only thing I can say, and that a lot of people around this sub already said, is that it's all in your head. If you really want to get away of this pit you can for sure do it. Rome wasn't build in a day. If you relapse, which I did a lot, it's not a loss, it's a lesson to not do it again, and if you feel ashamed, well even better, because it means you were trying.
Remember that you are not alone in this fight. Everyone here will listen to you and help you pass through this hell. But only by trying you will get there. And I can be damn sure about it that when you get up there you will not regret the pain you passed.
Thank you to all of you, who helped me to get to this point in life.
Stay strong soldiers!
Edit: Little update in context.

Just wanted to put a bookend on a saga so many of y'all tuned in to.
The originals are here and the update is here.
I continued to act like I didn't know what was going on and bit my tongue. We went on a few normal nice dates, and their phone behavior continued to get weirder, as did the abruptly leaving the house stuff. Whatever. Finally, about two weeks ago on St Patty's Day, I got a letter from the property manager saying they had to be out - this was finally my excuse to get them out of the house. I didn't want them to know what I knew while they still lived with me and had a key, so this is what I needed. I told them the next morning that they had a week to get out (I negotiated this instead of 24 hours, because I figured 24 hours was pretty harsh).
After a long, drawn-out fight, they left and didn't return until Tuesday after work. I continued my little ritual of leaving a mug out for them and making enough coffee for both of us.
On Friday, I came home and, as promised, all of their stuff was gone (minus a few items that had been moved out). On Saturday, I went to get my key. They presented me with a very sweet and sappy handwritten card that they'd been "too shy to give me" on Valentine's Day - it was, quite literally, four to five pages about how much they loved me and all these specific little things. If I didn't know it was bullshit, it would have been very touching.
But since it was bullshit, I tossed it in the dumpster as soon as they went inside.
On my way home, they called me to accuse me of being unsupportive and standoffish, and how if I wasn't careful, I was going to lose them.
I calmly told them that I knew everything that had been happening behind my back, and that they'd already lost me as a result.
And then, something I didn't anticipate happened - they kept denying it. They dug their heels in over, and over, and over again. While I am looking at screenshots of what they were saying to these men about how great the sex was, about how we were just friends, about what a terrible person I was, they kept digging their heels in and denying everything. "You're crazy. I never did any of that." I started naming names. "How could you possibly think that? I told you what happened. I've never been anything but completely upfront and honest with you since day one, and you're so paranoid that it's still not enough."
So I brought the hammer down.
"Remember when you challenged me to go through your phone, that you had nothing to hide, and told me the password?"
"oh my god. Oh my god. You didn't. How could you do this to me?"
"You told me to! That's how I know about Michael, and about James, about Jesse, and Justin, and Adam, and-" [names changed, but these were all the men they were either sexting with or actively sleeping with, I did not get to finish the list]
"Fuck you. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU!!! You had NO RIGHT!!!"
They basically lectured me for an hour about how I had betrayed their trust, how I was unsafe, how I was a predator, how they could never trust me again after the way I invaded their privacy, and how all of this was just because I didn't understand their polyamorous lifestyle and wanted to force them to be monogamous.
"I'm not aware of any type of relationship dynamic where you are allowed to just straight-up lie to your partner. Sorry. That's not what this is. I set very clear boundaries, and you agreed to them, and then you violated them, over and over, and over again.* If you wanted to change the terms of our agreement, you should have talked to me, but you can't just decide that someone else's boundaries don't apply to you. Your idea of a relationship seems to be that you can do whatever you want whenever you want and your partner has to like it. That's not what I signed up for."
"FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU. FUCK YOU." [click]
Six hours later I got a text about how "we were both in the wrong" and that we needed to take some time to cool off before we talked about things again, because they truly do love me and they don't want to lose me, even after I disrespected them and betrayed their trust.
I blocked their number.
As for my own relationship to non-monogamy, it's certainly gotten more complicated, but the feedback from this subreddit and from my own poly friends seems to suggest that at the very least I have a pretty good understanding of what that kind of relationship requires.
Unlike some people.
Anyway, hope everyone has a great week, thanks for the perspective over the past month. Hopefully I don't have to make another thread like this again in the future.
Cheers!
​
*= I don't recall if I ever put this in the original threads, but we had the boundaries conversation in writing when we first got together - I said "So, I've never been in a non-monogamous relationship, but here's how I feel about it, if I understand things correctly - I'm fine if you see or date other people, but if I am your partner, that means I am your priority, just as you will be mine. If you are going on a date with someone else, I want to know about it. If you're fooling around with someone, seeing other people, cool, whatever, just let me know what's up. I don't need the details, of course, but I need to have some understanding of what's going on outside of our relationship. I will of course offer you the same level of disclosure. Is that fair?"
They responded "Totally! That's how it's supposed to work. I'm really glad we have the level of communication where we can talk about this. Thank you."
So there wasn't a grey area.

I started seeing this girl about two months ago, she’s incredibly incredibly attractive, I’ve been told I’m a very attractive guy too. We are very smitten with one another, and everything is perfect with us and how we share our feelings with one another, and we are kind of exclusive, we’ve both said we want to be in one way or another but haven’t yet done it properly. She’s been travelling the past month while I’ve been working myself to death, which makes things a bit difficult.
The only problem I have is that she does tend to tell me quite often how many guys are into her. It started on one phone call a couple weeks back where she told me that this guy we used to work with really liked her and how she was his favourite and always winked at her, then she went on about two more guys in the same way. I thought it was a bit much and kinda irrelevant I guess but I didn’t make a scene, I just laughed it off with her without expecting it to be a daily thing. While she’s been travelling she always tells me about guys that have tried to flirt with her, for example this guy in her room who kept asking to take her for a drink and saying how perfect she was, and these other two guys who kept begging her to come out with them, and then these other guys who were the same. She also sent me a video of her wearing a sticker saying “single let’s mingle” with a caption saying “where are the taken stickers when you need them” - I found it weird too because it’s a bit like she’s giving me a bone, but also hitting me on the head with it. And finally last night she sent a video detailing how every boy she walked past on her night out was trying to talk to her and flirt with her, and went on to say the compliments she was getting from them, she did however say she swerved them all and didn’t wanna talk to any of them. I replied to the video saying “that’s cute, I appreciate the thought but it does make me jealous to hear about that kind of stuff all the time” and we had a nice conversation about it where she basically said it wouldn’t bother her the other way around but that she felt bad and so on and that she thinks she might’ve said too much.
She’s a oversharer in all aspects of conversations but I feel as though she’s overdoing it a bit, I’m not sure. I’m genuinely not the jealous type, with my ex I never had any of these feelings, and I’m normally not an insecure person and generally very confident but these last few weeks I have been feeling quite insecure about it all.
On from that, I have depression and anxiety and I think it’s starting to push out through those. When I’m having a difficult time I think it inflates these situations. It’s difficult when I’m just working and going to the gym and she’s out having the time of her life getting all this attention. The thing is I don’t want to look insecure, and I do appreciate her being interested in me and telling me how she didn’t care for any of them. I’m not sure, I think from my perspective I avoid telling her about the attention I get from girls as I just don’t care about the attention I get, I am only interested in her so it kinda just isn’t a big part of my night.
I’m stuck between thinking maybe she’s trying to make me jealous, or maybe she likes the attention a little too much, or that I’m just completely drunk on jealousy.
TL;DR:
Girl I’m seeing gets a lot of attention from guys, but I feel she might be unnecessarily telling me sometimes to make me jealous. I’m unsure whether I’m just being jealous of if it’s normal to feel this way.

Idk if this is the right place for this post (sorry if it is) but long story short, I have a gym crush and we make eye contact often but I always get nervous and look away or dont smile back or just do basically everything im not supposed to and I feel like an idiot. Im almost 23, never had a boyfriend and I feel like have so much love to give. I just want to be loved. I always imagine and fantasize these perfect love stories and outcomes (as I did with my gym crush) and they've never come true. I just want to have my person. I thought I figured out the time my gym crush comes to the gym and was so happy bc I could see him bc I knew the time, but this week he's been leaving right when I get there. I dont even get to see him. It just hurts so much. Maybe nothing was going to come out of that little bit, but it was so exciting to just know he was there and know that we would make eye contact. What do I do? I want to at least be able to be friendly with him... but now he leaves the gym when I get there. Did I cause it? Ive never said a word to him. Oh I want to get to know him so badly.

This post also appears on my blog, but that version has links to my full reviews for everything, as well as the visual card.
My favorite reading challenge is winding down, and for the third consecutive year, I have completed a pair of Bingo cards. I’ll talk more about my themed card in a while (probably after April 1), but today, we’re looking at my first totally unplanned Bingo card. Sure, I went through the recommendation threads last April, because those were a blast, and I planned my themed card, but apart from that, I just read what I read and then checked this week to see if I could make a full card. And perhaps one or two squares are a bit of a stretch, but I did indeed make a full card.
Continuing the bit from the last two years, I have rankings, ratings, mini-reviews, and cliffhanger notes. Do keep in mind that the rankings are just for fun and shouldn’t be taken as gospel. After all, I intentionally excluded anything I rated below 14/20, so the worst of this card is very far from the bottom of my year of reading. And it can be hard to rank books with the exact same score. I have a 20-point scale and not a 50-point scale precisely because sometimes opinions can only get so fine-grained. Ask me again next week, and I may order 16 through 22—or 2 through 5—totally differently.
Anyways, I read some great stuff, let’s get to it:
1. “Falling Off the Edge of the World” by Suzanne Palmer, “Two Spacesuits” by Leonard Richardson, “In the Time of the Telperi Flower” by David-Christopher Galhea, “The Bone Stomach” by Ziawa Jande, “The Empty” by Ray Nayler.
Categories: Short Stories, Published in 2022, Book Club (hard)
Mini-Review: It’s common for Five Short Stories to end up on top of my list because I can just cherry-pick some of my favorites of the year. But all five of these are free—two will be discussed as part of the April 5 session of Fantasy’s Short Fiction Book Club—and I highly recommend checking them out.
Rating: 18/20
Cliff Severity: Short stories may have ambiguous endings, but they don’t tend to end on cliffhangers.
2. The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler.
Categories: Standalone (hard), Published in 2022
Mini-Review: The plot description may sound like Michael Crichton, with an undersea first contact intertwined with high-stakes hacking and an AI-run slave ship, but the storytelling is anything but. It’s extremely contemplative—on the nature of consciousness and of humanity’s treatment of the Other—and written in such a way that it only gets better upon reflection.
Rating: 18/20
Cliff Severity: There’s plenty of uncertainty at the end, but it feels like a story that’s meant to end on some uncertainty and not one that’s waiting for a sequel.
3. Lonely Castle in the Mirror by Mizuki Tsujimura, translated by Philip Gabriel.
Categories: Published in 2022, Mental Health (hard), Standalone (hard), Indie Published (hard), Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey (hard), BIPOC Author, Family Matters
Mini-Review: The pacing of a school novel, but without the school, Lonely Castle in the Mirror stars a group of tweens whose individual traumas have kept them out of their local middle school but who find each other in a portal world. A slow read but an easy one, this dives brilliantly into adolescent mental health, making it not just my favorite YA novel of the year, but one of my favorite 2022 novels full stop.
Rating: 18/20
Cliff Severity: Another standalone?
4. Babel: An Arcane History by R.F. Kuang
Categories: *Historical SFF, Standalone (hard), Revolutions and Rebellions (hard), BIPOC Author, Published in 2022, Family Matters
Mini-Review: This one is an actual school novel, set in a fantasy Oxford whose translation magic powers the British Empire, and provides an unflinching portrait of colonialism. And as fascinating as the linguistic magic was, the highlight for me was a lead character grappling with a place that has given him his heart’s desire but that will never fully accept him as one of their own—nor will they refrain from using his gifts against his native land.
Rating: 18/20
Cliff Severity: If I keep reading this many standalones, it’s gonna ruin the whole cliff severity bit.
5. Dust and Light by Carol Berg
Categories: Family Matters (hard), Book Club (hard), Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey (hard), Mental Health (hard)
Mini-Review: If you’ve read Carol Berg, you know to expect tight focus on a lead who will go through absolute hell before coming out on the other side. This one sets up a neat puzzle with a lead whose magic art gives him knowledge others would like hidden, and there’s no lack for danger along the way.
Rating: 18/20
Cliff Severity: This is a duology and should be read as such. The cliffhanger isn’t as bad as others I’ve read, but it still sets up a major step into the unknown.
6. Neom by Lavie Tidhar
Categories: Non-human Protagonist, Indie Published (hard), Published in 2022, Mental Health, No Ifs Ands Or Buts
Mini-Review: It’s a short novel that flits through a surprising number of perspective characters, feeling more like mythology in a futuristic context than like a traditional sci-fi (never mind the robot main character). But it’s a beautiful and touching read that deserves more attention.
Rating: 17/20
Cliff Severity: Reads like a standalone, even though there’s at least one other novel (Central Station) and other stories in this universe.
7. She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan
Categories: Book Club (hard), Revolutions and Rebellions (hard), Historical SFF (hard), Anti-hero, BIPOC Author, Family Matters
Mini-Review: This is Chinese historical fiction with a thin veneer of magic, but both the magic and the politics are secondary to an exploration of several characters who don’t fit into their culture’s expectations of their gender. It's intensely character-driven and altogether fascinating.
Rating: 17/20
Cliff Severity: This is a duology and leaves plenty to do for the second book, but there’s enough payoff in the first to make it feel worthwhile by itself.
8. Into the Riverlands by Nghi Vo
Categories: BIPOC Author, Cool Weapon, Published in 2022, Revolution or Rebellion.
Mini-Review: Traveling companions swap larger-than-life stories during their time on the road. And then they experience some larger-than-life stories. Despite the mortal danger, this feels like a small-scale piece, and it’s a gorgeous one.
Rating: 17/20
Cliff Severity: This is the third book in a novella series that’s explicitly meant to be readable in any order. The main characters carry over, but there’s no cliffhanger.
9. The Galaxy, and the Ground Within by Becky Chambers
Categories: LGBTQIA List, Book Club (hard), Family Matters, Non-human Protagonist (hard), Mental Health (hard)
Mini-Review: And here is an undoubtedly small-scale piece, as a group of people from various non-human races have to deal with unexpectedly prolonged proximity after an emergency leaves them bunkered down together at a rest stop in space. Recommended for fans of character-driven sci-fi, especially ones who don’t mind the society-scale problems left unresolved while the small-scale problems are addressed.
Rating: 17/20
Cliff Severity: Again, this is part of a series, but many characters come and go—this one feels readable as a standalone.
10. A Spindle Splintered by Alix E. Harrow
Categories: Award Finalist, Book Club (hard), Author Uses Initials, Cool Weapon
Mini-Review: How do you rate a very fun, fast-paced fractured fairy tale that you’ll blow through in no time but forget about in a month? It’s hard for me to call this an essential read, but it is so good at what it does, with a lot of humor and a few moments of real poignancy.
Rating: 17/20
Cliff Severity: Another novella series where each is meant to be readable as a standalone.
11. Iron Truth by S.A. Tholin
Categories: Weird Ecology (hard), Self-Published (hard), No Ifs Ands Or Buts, Family Matters.
Mini-Review: This is a giant hunk of epic sci-fi/horroromance, as a woman crash-landed on an inhospitable planet tries to find her brother, while a military leader and his squad seek to retrieve the secrets from a disappeared ship, and an even greater danger lurks underneath it all. This takes some patience, but the payoff is real—a well-deserving winner of the first SPSFC.
Rating: 16/20
Cliff Severity: The main plot resolves, but in a way that asks a whole lot of questions of the sequel.
12. The Last Gifts of the Universe by Rory August
Categories: Self-Published, Published in 2022 (hard), Standalone (hard), Family Matters, Mental Health (hard).
Mini-Review: A fun sci-fi story about excavating dead civilizations—to hopefully find the secrets behind their death—turns into an exploration of grief with a surprisingly touching romantic subplot. Strong (and short!) character-driven space opera.
Rating: 16/20
Cliff Severity: Standalone!
13. City of Last Chances by Adrian Tchaikovsky
Categories: Antihero, Standalone (hard), Mental Health (hard), Revolutions and Rebellions (hard), Published in 2022.
Mini-Review: A mosaic novel about a revolution in a weird fantasy city, with a whole host of wildly self-interested characters working at cross-purposes. The writing is engrossing and the politics are fascinating, although there aren’t many characters who are especially sympathetic.
Rating: 16/20
Cliff-Severity: Another standalone!
14. Light From Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki
Categories: Wibby Wobbly Timey Wimey (hard), Book Club (hard), Standalone (hard), No Ifs Ands Or Buts (hard), Family Matters (hard), BIPOC Author.
Mini-Review: The tight character focus on a trans violinist running away from home makes this worth the read, as do the lush Californian setting and outstanding descriptions of both music and food. A sci-fi subplot and an ending that’s more than a bit too neat detract from the overall package, but the strengths are enough to make this well worth the read.
Rating: 16/20
Cliff Severity: Another standalone!
15. The Magazine of Science Fiction & Fantasy, March/April 2023, edited by Sheree Renée Thomas
Categories: Two or More Authors (hard), Five Short Stories (hard)
Mini-Review: 16 stories, along with some poetry and book reviews, and nearly all of them are good. The Black Mirror-like “Piggyback Girl” and the whimsical “The Weremouse of Millicent Bradley Middle School” stand out from the rest, but there are a couple entertaining fairy tales, an excellent piece of sword-and-sorcery, a novelette about a cat buying a dragon, and plenty more fun.
Rating: 15/20
Cliff Severity: More short stories—some of these actually connect to existing universes (including the Neom world), but they’re readable on their own.
16. The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik
Categories: Urban Fantasy, Features Mental Health, Family Matters, Published in 2022.
Mini-Review: Pays off on so many of the seeds planted in the first two books, with more than one absolutely outstanding sequence featuring edge-of-your-seat tension and buckets of thematic depth. But it’s a bit uneven, with a slow and frustrating start and an ending that felt a little too neat. Definitely worth the read for fans of the first two but probably isn’t for anyone who didn’t enjoy A Deadly Education.
Rating: 15/20
Cliff Severity: Last book in a trilogy, so it ends things. You can’t really start here though.
17. Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel
Categories: Published in 2022, Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey, Family Matters
Mini-Review: I expected beautiful prose and excellent character work across all four timelines, and I got good prose and good character work. Some of the pandemic sections felt a hair too on-the-nose, but there was plenty to get me invested. The science fiction elements generally worked fine, though it’s not a book that really breaks new ground on plot. Overall, it’s a solid read, though not one where I totally understand the “best of the year” hype.
Rating: 15/20
Cliff Severity: This is readable as a standalone, but I have been told it is loosely connected to other books in the same world.
18. The Hand of the Sun King by J.T. Greathouse
Categories: Shapeshifters (hard), Author Uses Initials (hard), Family Matters (hard), Award Finalist (hard), Revolutions and Rebellions (hard), Book Club (hard).
Mini-Review: This is structured almost like four related novellas, with each section rising to its own climax before skipping ahead to the next step in the character’s journey. The main character progresses nicely, and there’s enough plot development to make for an intriguing setup, though there’s plenty left to do in the sequel.
Rating: 15/20
Cliff Severity: Another one that makes a lot of progress but leaves lots and lots of work for the second in the duology.
19. Dead Silence by S.A Barnes
Categories: Set in Space, Book Club (hard), Mental Health (hard), Standalone (hard), Published in 2022 (hard), Author Uses Initials, No Ifs Ands Or Buts.
Mini-Review: This promises a haunted house in space and delivers a haunted house in space. Even as a relative horror neophyte, I was able to predict most of the plot, but the atmosphere is good enough to make it a plenty engaging read regardless.
Rating: 15/20
Cliff Severity: Standalone!
20. Dead Star by Simon Kewin
Categories: No Ifs Ands Or Buts, Self-Published, Set in Space (hard), Revolutions or Rebellions (hard), Family Matters.
Mini-Review: This is a fast-paced, planet-hopping adventure about digging into the secret history beyond the sudden and mystifying rise of a small religious sect to galactic hegemony. The villains are a bit over-the-top, and I’d have liked to see more of the story in the first book, but it’s short and very hard to put down.
Rating: 15/20
Cliff Severity: This is the worst cliffhanger on the card. It reaches a waystation on the full trilogy arc, but so many of the driving questions are left for the sequels.
21. Across the Green Grass Fields by Seanan McGuire
Categories: Revolutions and Rebellions, Book Club (hard), LGBTQIA List, Mental Health (hard).
Mini-Review: It’s a really touching found family story in which a horse-loving intersex protagonist finds a home in the portal world of the Hooflands, but with a rushed and uninspiring revolution filling out the plot. The description of childhood bullying and cultural expectations of femininity calcifying as early as elementary school are all too real and expertly done. And if the ending doesn’t maintain the level of quality, the beginning is still enough to recommend it.
Rating: 15/20
Cliff Severity: Deep into a full series, but I believe it’s meant as an alternate entry point. I’m not sure I buy it as an alternate entry point, but the story is mostly self-contained, with the inevitable connection to the rest of the universe.
22. A Master of Djinn by P. Djèlí Clark
Categories: Set in Africa (hard), Urban Fantasy (hard), Shapeshifters (hard), Book Club (hard), Author Uses Initials (hard), BIPOC Author.
Mini-Review: Stunning worldbuilding, mediocre mystery plot. Like many of the 15/20 stories, there’s a five-star element and a three-star element mixed together. Here, the magic-infused, steampunk alt history Cairo is the true star, carrying a mystery that’s otherwise the dashing protagonist jumping from action sequence to action sequence.
Rating: 15/20
Cliff Severity: It’s a detective story in a world where the same detective has other stories. No problem reading it by itself.
23. The Past is Red by Catherynne M. Valente
Categories: Author Uses Initials, Book Club (hard).
Mini-Review: This is an expansion of an award-winning novelette with a fascinating and unique narrative voice. It takes place on a floating trash island after climate disaster, and like many climate stories, relies heavily on worldbuilding. For me, the worldbuilding wasn’t enough to sustain full power over novella length, but the main character’s narration kept things interesting.
Rating: 15/20
Cliff Severity: This is an expansion of a previous novelette and can easily be read alone.
24. The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez
Categories: Cool Weapon, Published in 2022, BIPOC Author, Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey (hard), Shapeshifters, Mental Health (hard), Family Matters (hard), Revolutions and Rebellions (hard).
Mini-Review: Gorgeous prose and a stunningly creative narrative structure buttress a fairly straightforward central story long on violence and…well, long. Unlike some stories higher on my own list, it’s very easy for me to see why some have this as their top story of the year—it takes risks and has a few elements that are absolutely knocked out of the park. But it’s just too long to live on prose and structural experiments alone, and the characters and plot are competently drawn but not quite riveting. Put simply, there’s some exceptional work here, but there are too many slow spots.
Rating: 15/20
Cliff Severity: Standalone!
25. Rose/House by Arkady Martine
Categories: Name in the Title, Standalone (hard), Mental Health (hard), No Ifs Ands Or Buts.
Mini-Review: Apparently I haven’t read many stories with names in them this year, so I have to use the name of an AI house to fill out the card. It hurts me to squeeze out an entry that would’ve easily been top ten in A Desolation Called Peace, but unplanned Bingo can be capricious. At any rate, this one looks like a locked room murder mystery but reads more like a fever dream. It’s a beautiful fever dream with lots of meditation in personhood, but it’s also hard to know just what to take away in the end.
Rating: 14/20
Cliff Severity: Standalone!
Lessons from unplanned Bingo:

• I thought this would be easy, and I suppose I successfully completed the challenge with literally zero advanced planning, so pats on the back for me. But I had to stretch for a couple squares that I noticed in late March hadn’t been obviously filled—particularly Weird Ecology and Name in the Title. I think my choices fit the squares, but I hadn’t noted them down as fits in the immediate aftermath of reading.
• As usual, there were a couple subjective squares that could be filled by seemingly everything. Does anything I read not address mental health and family? Perhaps not. Or perhaps I wasn’t strict enough defining those squares (though my ultimate choices were excellent fits, if I do say so myself).
• On the other hand, I don’t read much urban fantasy, antiheroes, or books with cool weapons. Or a whole lot with shapeshifters, though I was surprised to see them arise more than once. Award Finalist was also tricky, as I read so many books that were currently up for awards—after all, I led the Hugo Readalong and judged for SPSFC—and I had no way of knowing at the time whether they would win.
• Unplanned Bingo didn’t really take away my enjoyment of Bingo. The logic puzzle at the end is fun, but it’s the brainstorming thread at the beginning that makes this my absolute favorite reading challenge.
• In using the same template as my recap post from last year, I was able to notice a few interesting coincidences. For instance, I had an R.F. Kuang novel 4th and my Self-Published square 12th two years running. But in general, my scores were higher this year. Either I’m getting soft with my ratings, or I’m finding more and more good books.

Hi!
I'm currently trying to get sober from coke. I've been dabbling in it since 2019 but never really got addicted to it until august 2022 and has since then been using it almost daily (1-2g / day).
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I've currently done 3 days without any coke and starting day 4. I feel really good about it. I know I still have a long way to go but currently feel really motivated and have found some resources which really help me in my daily struggle.
I'm writing this post as a sort of journal. I'm just looking to document my experience and thought, why not share it and maybe help motivate other people? Or just have it as something to look back on.
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I'll try and write daily updates and be honest, even if that would mean having to write about a relapse.
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Before I start writing about my days, here is a little background on me.
22 y/o male, born and raised in an EU country, a really social person, and has an interest in technology and gaming. Currently studying in my last year for my master's in economics.
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Ps. When reading this, you might think that I'm living quite a normal life and that it doesn't seem that bad. Well, I have been lucky so far and haven't screwed up any relationships, work, etc, yet. But I know that if I keep going it's just a matter of time before I do. However, what my addiction has really done is fuck my economy up totally. I used to have a good amount of money invested, and in my savings. But all that is gone because of coke. All my investments ($10k) are gone. I've spent every penny I had saved and I'm now living paycheck to paycheck which I have NEVER done before and this is causing me a lot of stress. All in all, since my addiction took over and it became a daily habit I've probably spent around $20-30k on coke since August 2022. So yeah, that sucks, but I'm still grateful that I've only really lost money. It can all be gained back with time.
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Pps. Posted this on my main first but deleted it and posted it on my throw account instead.
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Day 1 (March 27th): The day before, March 26th was the last day I used so the 27th was my first day sober. I'm currently having a bit of a break from uni since we are in between classes atm so I can do pretty much whatever I like today. Slept until noon/lunch. Woke up, took a shower, and listened to some music and a sober podcast which was really interesting. This day was actually way easier than I thought being sober, but I guess that's because I had been using really recently and the motivation is the greatest in the beginning. I didn't really do anything special this day, just ate some good food and gamed the entire day. However, in the evening I met up with a girl that I have been dating for a couple of months and we decided to become an official couple. I was super happy about this and really boosted my motivation to stay sober. (She doesn't know about my addiction, might tell her later on). Other than that, nothing special happened today. Cravings were pretty much nonexistent.
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Day 2 (March 28th): Slept until noon/lunch again. Actually, I woke up at 9 am but fell back asleep xd. After I got up I decided to do a few hours of work (I work remotely while studying). Once I'd done a few hours of work it became time to go to the gym, I train MMA. I hadn't been to the gym for a really long time because of an injury. I went to the gym and got my sweat on and felt really good about it afterward since I was reaaally considering not going but very happy that I did. After I got home I made some food and went to sleep at around midnight. But I had such a hard time falling asleep, I assume this is because of the body not getting any coke? I had the sweats all night, restless legs and just a really shitty night. Again, haven't really had any super intense cravings today, sure the thought about using has come up but I've managed to deal with it. Something which I have found super helpfull for me in battling cravings / motivation is listening to podcasts about recovery. I have really liked "the sober plug" by this guy I found on tiktok.
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Day 3 (March 29th): Woke up a bit earlier today and started the day of by listening to the podcast from day 2. Really helps me keep my motivation up but I guess we all have different strategies. I made some breakfast and kept listening to the podcast and worked pretty much all day until 5 pm. This is when the troubles started. My first two days were "easy", but now I started to get really intense cravings and got super restless. While having these cravings an old friend hit me up and asked if I could hook him up which just made me think of coke even more...At this point I really want to call the plug. Looking back at it it's almost funny how good we are at tricking ourselves, I started thinking stuff like, "oh you've been sober three days, see, it's not that bad. One line wouldn't hurt" and shit like that.
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I was really struggling and just trying to brute force myself to not call the plug. At around 7 pm I remembered two things I had heard the day before. First was HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely & Tired) apparently if one of these things is present you are more likely to feel cravings. I realized I was hungry and made some food but still had really bad cravings. After a while I thought "fuck it I'll just call the plug" but then remembered a quote that really stuck with me. "No one wakes up after a relapse thinking, wow I'm so glad I relapsed yesterday". Remembering this and thinking about it really helped me and after about another hour the cravings were pretty much gone and it was time for sleep. I'm so glad and proud of myself that I stayed sober today.
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Day 4 (March 30th): Current day, will update at end of day.

For those who don't know, Lackadaisy is an Eisner Award winning historical dramady webcomic, starring a hilarious and morally dubious cast of anthropomorphic cats, created by Tracy J. Butler.
In the twilight years of the American Prohibition, the once illustrious Lackadaisy speakeasy, St. Louis, Missouri's literal underground empire has fallen onto hard times in the wake of the untimely death of its founder, Atlas Mae. The comic focuses on the harrowing adventures of the remaining bootleggers as they struggle to keep the business going, while the law and a growing rival gang keeps them on their toes.
The pilot has been a long time coming and I want as many eyes on it as possible. This is the age of independent animation, and our delightful little N has a lead role, so I hope you all will consider spending a half hour of your time to watch it. And after you do, or before, check out the comic. It's dark, funny, highly researched, witty and poetic, and has some of the best artwork I've ever seen.
https://www.lackadaisycats.com/
https://youtu.be/vffu6FG4YP4