Regal oceanside near me

Question about boat ramps/access points

2023.03.30 20:24 Synchronizin Question about boat ramps/access points

New to kayaking so apologies if this is a dumb question, but I have noticed many of the lake access areas near me have signage that states have the park hours are 6 am to 10 pm but below that has "Launching 24 hours". Does this mean I can access the water at any time but they don't want people lingering in the parking lot?
I only ask as I wanted to try and get out on the water pre-dawn but that would be outside the park hours.
submitted by Synchronizin to Kayaking [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:23 blazblu82 Has anyone in this group felt like an afterthought?

I've posted quite a bit about my situation since last year. However, I can't quit thinking that I'm treated like an after-thought or as someone who doesn't have any social status. I'm a single guy in his early 40's who is currently residing with his parents (reluctantly, lol). But I almost always feel alone.
My folks do things together and my sister has her family. But, I'm left tending to my own devices nearly 100% of the time. The only time I get to do anything with anyone is when THEY want to do something. No one wants to hang with me, it's always the other way around. No one has any interest in what I do. Any time other family members ask about me, they ask other family (namely my mom), but never me directly. I get tired of asking other family if I can hang out with them, but never get the invite in return. It doesn't help me that I don't have any friends outside the home.
Here's an example of what I'm talking about. Just this morning, my brother-in-law texted my mom about watching their kids tomorrow because they want to see a new movie. Then, he followed up asking my mom if I would want to go, too. I mean, what the hell!? Thankfully she told him to ask me personally. But this is the type of nonsense I deal with constantly.
Even when I do go out with family, I might get asked if there are other places I want to go, but I typically turn them down. My folks are in their 60's and I don't want them driving more than they can handle. So, it's practically routine for me to give up my life to make it easier on others.
Anyone else have experiences like this? Surely, I can't be the only one.
submitted by blazblu82 to Blind [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:22 6anonymousguy Original work - leave thoughts

The longest silence is soon, you come haunt me
Maybe I’m a goon, waiting for your plea
Waiting, just waiting
I’m performing for the crowd,
You didn't get a ticket’
You’re already backstage
Hold on, wait a minute
How did you get there?
The show is nearly finished
You can see right through
The red curtains of linen
The chords scream for you
You don’t give them a listen
You rebel and resist
I’m clearly not forgiven
Maybe I’m a goon,
But I really wanted you to listen
I really wanted you to listen
None if its ever with ease
The strings are too tough
They ring out uneven
Songs about love
Are too optimistic
When it's not enough
To get you through
And right above
Maybe we’re doomed
Because you would never listen
You would never listen
What if your last straw was your first straw
Your guess wasn’t as good as mine
My ‘thin ice’ was your thickest
A stitch in time saves nine
Stop haunting me
Please, please
Stop haunting me
submitted by 6anonymousguy to Music [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:22 piecesofpeaches Sometimes my stuffed animal feels “real”, in a strange way.

I know it isn’t uncommon for people to anthropomorphize inanimate objects (aka assigning human-like characteristics or qualities to inanimate objects and/or interacting with inanimate objects as if they were humanlike) but I still wasn’t sure if this is “normal” because it feels a bit different than experiences I’ve had in the past.
It’s just… I have this one stuffed animal that is my favorite, that I spend a fair amount of time around (like when I’m sitting on my couch, etc) and every so often I have a moment where I look at her and she just feels so real. Like suddenly a switch flips in my brain and her face looks so much more alive, almost like she could nearly blink at any given moment and I probably wouldn’t even flinch.
Is that strange? Another way I might describe it is that it feels, at this point, as if she possesses some fraction of my “essence”, which is maybe why she sometimes feels more “real” to me.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I also bring her to therapy where I talk about difficult emotions and where I feel myself to somewhat emotionally regress and so perhaps this is all getting conflated in my brain, thus making it easier to associate her as being a real (or more lifelike) entity? Like in some sense I feel I’ve possibly projected some part of my younger self onto her and so every now and again she feels more palpably real than just a mere inanimate object because of that, potentially?
This all also could possibly be exacerbated by the fact that I am fairly lonely and going through a non-insignificant amount of emotional turmoil in my personal life too… however, ultimately, I just don’t know why I am experiencing a more intense “realness” in recent months from my stuffed animal.
It’s just hard to explain. At the end of the day I “know” she’s obviously not real, but I still experience those moments where she feels more real than non-real to me.
Does anyone else relate?
submitted by piecesofpeaches to hsp [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:22 TheQueerGuy2 I just want binary trans friends near me

Is that too much to ask? Yes, I will never discriminate against anyone for who they are, but I’m so tired of people ghosting me as friends because I’m, legit someone told me this, “too much like a cis man”.
Like what?!
There have been plenty of post of people talking about how masculine trans guys are started to be disliked in the community up and down this subreddit so I won’t go into that but,’s disheartening at times trying to make friends..
submitted by TheQueerGuy2 to FTMMen [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:22 girlwithnosepiercing How to find a wedding dress!?

A little background: my fiancé is from Nebraska, and I’m from Colorado. Both of our family’s nearly completely reside in our respective home states, but my fiancé and I currently live in California.
I have no idea how or when to start looking for a dress. We don’t have it in the budget, or any desire, to buy a new dress and own it. I never really envisioned myself owning my dress because I don’t want to spend a lot of money on something I wear once, and I don’t want my daughter I might have to feel pressured to wear something that’s out of style or not her favorite - plus preserving the dress is another cost I would be happy to skip out on.
My dad recommended I look towards consignment stores, Craigslist, and thrift stores. I’m unsure of this option because although I don’t want to buy a dress, I would really like the magical moment of being with my mom and sister and trying on a bunch of gowns that I could choose! Going thrifting for a used dress makes me worried I might feel like I’m settling or just picking a dress because “it will do” since I don’t really have any say in my options, rather than feeling like I’m picking something special out.
I have some ideas of what I generally am looking for in a wedding dress, but otherwise I’d like to think that I’ve tried to keep my mind very open about what the dress I wear will look like. I was thinking I could look into renting a gown, but I don’t really know how to start and where I could rent a gown and also get the experience I’m looking for. I’ve only ever been to one wedding so I have no idea what any of this looks like and what knowledge, if any, I have from movies and TV is true. We are a little over a year away from the wedding.
The wedding is going to be in Nebraska so I think my plan is to currently get a dress in Colorado so my loved ones can be there, it’s cheaper for me to fly there for any kinda of alterations, and my family can just bring the dress to the wedding when they come out for it.
Does anyone have any advice for me, recommendations around the Denver area, or anything that could be helpful? TIA ❤️
submitted by girlwithnosepiercing to wedding [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:22 ObviousFoxx [NV] I upset/offended a coworker and she made vague threats

I am part of a 2-person marketing team at my company and my job title is Marketing Manager. I’m not sure exactly what my partner’s job title is, but she take care of photography, videography, and some social media. My partner and I had a catching up phone call the other day because I’ve been WFH for a month, and things went off the rails.
Basically, my partner asked for updates on some things I’ve been working on, and was shocked when I explained that some of the items she was asking about had already been approved and distributed. When she asked me why I didn’t run any of it by her first, I brought up that she’s near 6 weeks behind on a project that should have been done in a day or two, and I wanted her to focus on that. I’ve also never been told that I need to run anything by her, and when I do try to get her feedback she consistently misses deadlines (but I didn’t say this to her).
At that point she blew up, yelling at me about disrespect and a power struggle, and she said that I was crossing a line that I “really didn’t want to cross.”
I was pretty stunned, so once we ended the call I reached out to our Office Admin to update her on what went down. Office Admin was pretty shocked too, and said she wasn’t aware I needed to get approvals from anyone other than our CEO.
We are all now going to have a meeting to discuss the situation tomorrow, which will be my first day back at the office. How do I go about this discussion? I feel anxious about having to share an office with my partner now, especially since I apparently offended her by pointing out that she’s more than a month behind schedule. I’m not sure what she’ll do to me if I “cross that line” again.
submitted by ObviousFoxx to AskHR [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:21 onewiththepencil How Can One Know They Are Cut Out For Philosophy?

Greetings everyone,
Currently I’m nearing the end of my degree and one of my majors are philosophy. My interest in this study began before school, with most of my curiosity directed toward existentialism. Partly due to just growing up and being curious, but much more so because my childhood imprinted a significant experience that left me desiring to make sense of it; and to understand myself in relation to the world.
Once I began school and started learning philosophy in an academic setting, I found myself struggling to get through material and fully understand what I was reading.
At first I was uncertain, but in time I grew to see that one definitely has to acquaint oneself with the jargon which with time and practice will be tremendously helpful. Also, rereading a text or parts of it multiplied times was a missing necessity before.
But I’ve returned to similar state and I am beginning to wonder if this is for me. I do enjoy depending my understanding of the world, but I find I am not grasping as much I’d hope. A part of me thinks that perhaps to really comprehend a book and its arguments requires a long, deep study of the book before one can arrive at a point of knowing. But another part of me thinks that maybe this isn’t my path.
I wrote a paper today that I was obsessively researching and analyzing the text for when writing it, but it was so hard to write anything.
It really is always hard to write philosophy papers for school. It feels like it takes everything, and that I can’t perform until I’m under immense stress; such as last night where I had to stay up throughout to complete a paper I had been struggling to write for multiple days.
So yeah, my writing essays is what has given me the most doubt. It really takes a lot, and I don’t know if that is indicative that I maybe am not cut out for this. I got two papers back, one 70 and one 75, and one of the comments mentioned I misinterpreted a few passages, and one of them I was boggled by because believed I got an adequate understanding. Yet I didn’t.
TL;DR I know this is long, but essentially the title
submitted by onewiththepencil to askphilosophy [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:21 Jake-1998 Relationship boundaries and responsibilities

Context: My girlfriend has trauma from sexual relations with guys in college. Her friend X has trauma from her dad being an alcoholic. My girlfriend’s friend’s boyfriend has trauma from supposedly being put on high dose Ritalin at a young age limited his ability to learn to manage emotions.
History: About 2 years ago when I first started dating my girlfriend we were on summer break and she had just graduated college. Her friends and her would go out and drink a lot, but friend X would drink even small amounts and act blackout. At first friend X was very afraid of relationships and by the end of the night one of them would often get upset about something and run home from the bars so I would have to chase to make sure they got home safe. Now I obviously cared about both of them but I could only really focus on my girlfriend for obvious reasons. Over time I was becoming more adamant about asking them to drink less but I wish I was more assertive about it (I think idk if that’s my job). After this goes on for a little bit friend X starts hooking up with all of my friends on successive nights. My girlfriend is repeatedly asking her to stop and empathizing with her regret both while sober, at the party, and after the fact. In the middle of this there was one event where she hooked up with a housemate of a girl friend unrelated to me and that guy gave her a “big bong rip” before they had sex and they later questioned whether that was sexual assault. And if that one is then it also brings into whether all of the other “hookups” were as well.
Present: Friend X’s boyfriend is very overprotective. He was only told about one of these hook ups that happened near the beginning of their relationship. He calls my girlfriend and says “I’m going to kill you, you should have protected her from the assault”. My girlfriend explains to him that she was there for friend X a million times more than any of her other friends at all these events he was never told anything about (she didn’t know he didn’t know about them). My girlfriend goes home early from work and calls her friend to say she was extremely traumatized by her boyfriend and scared for her safety. Friend X goes back and forth repeatedly during the conversation from agreeing that she did her best, to they were both very close and bad for each other during that time (because they were both excessive drinking due to trauma), to saying that her boyfriend is right to be mad and if has a problem with my girlfriend she is right to tell him to speak to her. My girlfriend basically says I’ve gone to therapy, I’m working on myself, I’ve quit drinking, I don’t tell half truths behind someone’s back I’m stepping back from this friendship and I hope you are able to get therapy.
The situation is at an okay spot right now so I don’t need actionable advice. I am more so wondering what are your thoughts on what healthy boundaries and roles for both friend and boyfriend/girlfriend should have been in these situations.
submitted by Jake-1998 to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:21 Shaky-Jake Upcoming Donghua

Does anyone have a source to see upcoming releases, or get info on releases.

Ive been waiting for a few shows but it seems the release dates are no where near. Have you seen anything about these shows coming anytime soon?
Spare Me Great Lord 2
Fog Hill S2
Quanzhi Gaoushou3
Quanzhi Fashi VI
Fanren S3
Blades of the Guardians
submitted by Shaky-Jake to Donghua [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:19 StacysBlog Survivor 44, Episode 5 "The Third Turd" Gameplay Breakdown: I hate that Tika didn't go to Tribal Council.

"We're a bunch of silly gooses out here." -Danny Massa
Well, I really liked the first 90 of this episode, but I'm really annoyed that Tika didn't have to go to Tribal Council. They lost the Immunity Challenge and Matthew's quit had nothing to do with them. I'm bummed for Matthew. He was a fun character and it's tough to see him go out this way, but I'm more annoyed that we didn't get what could have been an awesome Tribal Council. Whether I'm annoyed or not, we still have to figure out who played well and who sucked.
Who Played Well:
Let's start over on Ratu. I really liked seeing the nerdy bond formed between Carson and Kane. Carson handled this tribe swap very well and used the opportunity to build relationships and Kane's position in his tribe is questionable at best. He definitely needs Carson as an ally.
Over on Tika, going into this episode, Yam Yam seemed to be the obvious next boot. He managed to change things around and take advantage of situations to the point where it seemed like he wasn't in trouble at all. I love how he bonded with Josh over being gay and the strategy that formed out of that. He also figured out that Josh's Idol is fake due to him using the beads from tree mail and that it was falling apart in his hands.
Finally, I do respect Josh's efforts in this episode. He was in a very bad spot, so he bonded and strategized with Yam Yam and built the fake Idol. It's clear that he's a very bad liar and was probably going to get voted out next, but I will give him credit for putting the effort in. In the end, Danny did more damage to Josh's game than Josh did.
Who Sucked:
Speaking of Danny, he and Brandon were terrible on their journey with Carolyn. They bromanced way too hard and excluded Carolyn and seemed to nearly cost Josh his game. And they did it enough that the editors were able to give us a supercut over a single lunch. It's just terrible. I would be money that Carolyn will be gunning for these two when the merge begins and I think she's going to win.
Carolyn didn't have a great episode either. Once she got back to camp, she all but said she would be gunning for Josh and once Tribal Council was called off, she actually did say she wanted Josh out to his face. With all the time Josh and Yam Yam had to bond, I wouldn't have been shocked had she been the one to be voted out. She's now burned both of these guys. I don't blame her at all for being pissed at Danny and Brandon, but she took it out on Josh and most likely burned a bridge in the process.
Finally, we have Matt. When Jaime tried to talk strategy with him, he was pretty meh about the whole situation, which made Jaime not trust him. Had Soka gone to Tribal Council, I would bet that Jaime would want Matt out of the game and since she has an Idol, that's a very likely possibility. When you get new people on your tribe, you have to at least pretend to scheme and plot with them, otherwise they're going to target you.
We really didn't get enough from Frannie, Heidi, Jaime, or Lauren for me to have an opinion on them.
As for Matthew, he seemed like a promising player. He just lacked the common sense to not go rock climbing on Survivor.
Best Player of the Episode goes to Yam Yam Arocho for bonding and strategizing with Josh and for figuring out that Josh's Idol was fake.
Worst Player of the Episode goes to Carolyn Wiger for being so vocal about wanting to take out Josh and burning that bridge.
The merge is next! And I'm very excited to see how this plays out. Everyone left has holes in their game, so it should be a hot mess and I'm here for it.
submitted by StacysBlog to survivor [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:19 dmyjck Vent: are there people who live near a highway and do NOT complain about it?

Hi guys
I (26f) and my boyfriend (28m) bought a house, we live here for a year now.
We used to rent a house in a city for 3 years, about 7 feet away from a street with a 30mph limit. There were a lot of big trucks and a lot of big tractors and also a lot of cars troughout the day. It was very loud on the inside because it was a poorly insulated house. But we were kinda used to it. The big tractors could be hella loud, so we had to pause the tv or rewind because you couldnt hear anything when they were passing by.
After 3 years of renting and saving money we found the perfect house. We noticed from the start it was near an expressway with a 55mph limit. (Our house is about 250feet away from the expressway). When we were visiting the house, the first thing we kept in mind was the expressway. We opened the windows and listened, we went into the garden, etc... and we were so surprised, it's not as loud and busy as the house we used to rent, and way better insulated.
We didnt notice/care about the road noise because we were used to the noise from our previous house, so it didnt bother us, it was just background noise. White noise.
But then..
I randomly stumbled on a topic about road noise and people saying they never want to live near a highway or expressway.. they say its unhealthy ,....
and it makes me feel very insecure, i feel like i failed.
Even though our neighbours are always outside in their garden + they live here for years, so is it really that dangerous? I know some friends who even live closer to the same road as ours.
We are healthy people, we love walking in the woods, we do not smoke, we eat our vegetables,...
because of this its the only things thats on my mind. I am focussing on the noise when i am outside and i am scared to go outside now because they say its not healthy.
But, yeah, to be honest, i think the air quality at our previous house was worse because it was only 7 feet away from heavy traffic??
I have autism so i hyperfocus on this topic alot.
Are there people who also live close to a big road or highway, and are actually happy? (Like i was in the beginning)
I just want to be proud of our home again. I'm glad this whole situation doesnt bother my bf though.
Thanks guys
submitted by dmyjck to homeowners [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:19 Zestyclose-Fix-4576 Need advice from those who have successfully done a music campaign

Hi, nearly 20 years ago, I made around 100 songs. I'd consider it alternative hip-hop. I had a Myspace with like 50,000 friends and had lots of compliments on the few songs I put up. I had some offers for small record deals, but they weren't anything significant. Like I would have needed to constantly tour to make money. I performed at a few concerts where nobody showed up and it broke my confidence. Around this same time, I was given a job offer in a career that for sure paid the bills. Since music wasn't a "for sure thing" I shelved it all. Due to the lyrics and themes, releasing it probably would have gotten me fired, or at the very least caused me problems/embarrassment.
Recently, I was fired and don't plan to return to this job sector. A few weeks back, I dusted off my hard drives and gave my music a listen. IMO, it still holds up. Maybe I was ahead of my time. Some of it needs remixed/mastered, but it's mostly ready to release. The cover art is even finished for several of the albums since I did a photoshoot back then. Like I was literally days away from releasing a finished 23 song album when I shelved it.
How would you go about marketing this campaign. It appears to me that hip-hop doesn't do well unless you're already famous/popular. Then again, my music isn't normal. It's very different. Should I record a video with my story and a song sampler? I presume the music will speak for itself? Or is my story more important?
Would you attempt to release one album at a time or all 100 songs at once? I presume if one album does well I could always go forward with the others?
What perks or items would you offer? It seems vinyl is popular, but mastering/producing on vinyl is super expensive. I'm unsure if it would justify the cost.
Digital and CD is easy... I see some bands offer shirts/hoodies, but with shipping costs I'm unsure that makes sense. If anything, I presume those items lose money? What are profitable items music artists include?
The purpose would not be making money, but to get the music in as many hands as possible.... I just don't want to go in the red. Ideally, I'd make 10k per album to recoup my production costs. It's the only reason I don't go straight to streaming. I imagine since I have zero fanbase nobody would even click on it.
Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated?
submitted by Zestyclose-Fix-4576 to kickstarter [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:19 swttangerine Feeling like the floor is shifting/extra heavy?

It feels difficult to explain this. I am currently experiencing feeling faint and near passing out very frequently with intermittent tachycardia. I have seen electrophysiology and he’s ordered a month long heart monitor as well as a Tilt Table Test, I just haven’t had it yet. However, aside from the feeling faint while standing and sort of off balance all of the time, I get this other bizarre feeling. It feels as though I just jumped and I’ve landed on my feet hard, even though I’m just walking along as normal. Almost like the pressure of gravity is giving me an extra downward shove that feels abrupt and harsh? I suppose I could also describe it as feeling sort of like buckling at the legs, or like the floor is shifting underneath me. I feel like extra heavy when it happens. It feels super uncomfortable and prompts me to sit down. Does this make sense to anyone? It feels different from the typical “faint” feeling I have often.
submitted by swttangerine to POTS [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:18 PermitDry1172 Seeing aggression in my new kitten and it makes me nervous!!

I have a resident cat who is so chill but I could tell he was lonely. I adopted two 6 month old sisters and have been keeping them separate from the resident cat for now.
Well, I have been observing the two interacting and I can’t help but notice more dominance from Mina toward her sister Myla. When Myla wanted to cuddle Mina swat at her and hissed. Myla immediately took a more submissive pose and eventually slinked off. Ive witnessed this twice now. When we first got them they cuddled close together out of fear I’m sure but now that they are more comfortable I can see more of their personality.
Myla is still a little nervous but is more curious and outgoing. Her tail straight up and pretty happy. Mina’s tail stays low and flicks back and forth in curiosity I assume. Mina will accept and enjoy pets but she’s more a skiddish and I don’t think cares much to be near me lol.
I’ve also noticed Mina doesn’t cover her poop in the litter box and I have read that is also a form to show dominance.
I say all this to say, I’m worried for my resident cat. He is my baby and I don’t want Mina to show aggression toward him. I had originally gotten the two sisters because I didn’t want to be separated but I feel like Mina could care less about her sister in that way. I don’t want to give Mina away so, what can I do to encourage a good relationship with all the cats? I know cats have their own language and do their own thing but I guess i just want to be cautious. I never want my resident cat to feel unsafe in his home.
submitted by PermitDry1172 to CATHELP [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:18 This-Transition2306 The subtle changes

The subtle changes
Hey everyone,
For me, one of the best things about quitting drinking is when you get past a certain milestone of drinking (doesn’t even have to be a long amount of time, maybe 3 weeks even) and just notice subtle changes to your body.
I was swiping through pictures of myself from summer last year and I couldn’t believe how round my face was, puffy eyes with dark circles, etc.
And then there’s stuff less about appearance and more about physical and mental processes. I used to be really bad at regulating body temperature and was always hot, but I figured out this was a result of being somewhat hungover almost every day. I no longer have near constant loose poops. Mentally, I feel just that more confident and able to do things, and am not an anxious wreck.
Grateful for another day recognising and appreciating the benefits of sobriety, for the longest time I struggled to do this as I thought I would miss drinking too much.
If any of the above sounds appealing to you I encourage you to give sobriety ago.
Thanks everybody.
submitted by This-Transition2306 to alcoholism [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:17 Moonwalk_42 How do I make real friends?

I'm (21M) a computer science student in my third year of university. Growing up I never really fit in with people at my school, and while I was never sitting alone eating lunch by myself, I always drifted from friend group to friend group, essentially just sticking to the people in my classes at the time. In highschool, for the first time, I think I had real friends that I really enjoyed spending time with, and I think they valued me as well. But as we got older, we went to different schools, and after some conflict with them in the later portion of last year, I haven't been nearly as close to them as I was before, only really occasionally talking to one of them.
My question is, how do I make real close friends? I feel like I've tried everything that people recommend. I join clubs, I go to class, I try to be sociable, and every now and then I come across somebody who I enjoy speaking to and want to be friends with them, but their either too busy to hangout, or it feels like by me somehow trying to hangout with them I'm intruding on the friend group dynamic they already have situated. I never got my first year university experience because of COVID. I never lived on residence although I am living in a student building now. I do have acquaintances, people I can occasionally play videogames with, or go out with from time to time, but it's not that close friendship I've been missing all my life. I just want somebody to hangout with, doesn't have to be a reason, just want a friend I can talk to without feeling like I'm somehow disrupting them, by trying to become friendlier with them.
I'm a somewhat extroverted guy and I usually have the confidence to just walk up to somebody I find interesting and talk to them, but I never feel like I have the ability to solidify an actual friendship with anyone.
submitted by Moonwalk_42 to LifeAdvice [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:15 a15minutestory [WP] You are a student in the most prestigious magic academy in the kingdom. No one knows how you got in, sure you have amazing magic potential, but you’re “magic blind” meaning you can only feel the presence of magic and not see any magic. [Part 67]

Life, for most, was a series of ups and downs. You fail your test but then your mom makes your favorite dish for dinner. You lose the big game for your team, but then you make a major breakthrough in the spell you've been practicing for weeks. You drop your ice cream, but find some cash in your pocket you didn't remember leaving there.
The girl you've been fawning over for weeks tickles your tonsils with her tongue, but then you're cut in half and enslaved by your nation's mortal enemy.
Yeah, my life was different, there was no doubt about that at all. But the lowest lows made even the slightest highs feel so much higher. Something as simple as eating a hot meal was the height of life when you had been living on crackers, stale bread, and nearly century-old dried meat.
We failed to notice that everyone in the restaurant was staring at us as we wolfed down plate after plate. The juices; the flavors; the tenderness of the meat; the softness of the hot bread smothered in butter. I couldn't stop smiling as I ate.
"You gotta try this," Tovin said breathlessly between bites as he passed me a bowl containing what looked like some kind of wet, shredded, colorful salad. I swallowed the big bite of steak I had been chewing and quickly put a spoonful of the mystery dish in my mouth. It was heaven on earth.
"Holy smokes, what is this?" I asked.
"I think it's the coleslaw, give it back," he said, pulling the bowl right out of my hand. I turned and looked at the dumbfounded waiter standing next to our table, and smiled. "More coleslaw, please! And ribs, I'm outta ribs! And a refill on... what was this called?"
He stared wide-eyed at my plate and then shook his head as though clearing his mind. "Uhh, I believe you were having the peach lemonade, sir."
"That!" I pointed my fork at him before turning back to the assortment of delicacies splayed out before me. I wasn't sure if it was because I hadn't had a proper meal in weeks, or if it was just that the empire knew how to eat, but it was the best food I had ever tasted in my life.
"So good," Tovin said in such a way that I had to check and make sure he wasn't crying.
After eating all that we wanted and all that we could, the two of us just sat slouched in our chairs with bulging stomachs. I lifted my hand shakily toward the last rib on my plate, but let it fall to my side as I closed my eyes and accepted defeat. The will was there but the room in my stomach wasn't.
"My goodness, sirs," said the waiter. "You hunters sure can eat."
I looked up at him with a satisfied grin, "Hard work always makes a meal so much better. Know what I'm saying?"
"Can't argue with that," said the waiter as he folded his hands. "But... if I may, could I politely ask you to pay your bill? I mean no offense, but you and your friend have a..." he cleared his throat. "Musk about you."
I looked at Tovin and then at myself, and then at all the empty tables around us. We were still covered in the calraven's dried wing gunk. I had to have gone completely nose-blind to it. Now the faces everyone had been making at us made a lot more sense. I looked down to see that it had been flaking off of us and onto the restaurant floor.
"Oh man, I'm so sorry," I apologized.
"No!" said the man, holding his hands out. "It was an honor to serve the hunters keeping our cities safe, don't take me the wrong way. It would be our pleasure to serve you again, but it's about to be 5'o clock and our dinner rush will be starting soon."
I suddenly remembered something I had completely forgotten. I looked up at the man, "Excuse me, do you have a pencil?"
"Certainly," he answered, pulling one from his apron and setting it down on the checkered tablecloth. "Your bill will be 22 octims."
"That's so much," Tovin groaned, not bothering to lift his head or open his eyes. He wasn't wrong, but we had ordered almost everything on the menu. I wasn't completely certain I could walk correctly when it was time to leave. I pulled out the envelope and handed him 25 octims.
"Keep the change," I said, Tovin groaning quietly in tacit disapproval.
"Th-thank you!" said the waiter with a wide grin.
"In return, I'm keeping the pencil," I added, smiling back.
x - - x - - x - - ★ - - x - - x - - x
It didn't take long for us to find an inn. Bronzegirder was full of them, as it was apparently a booming industrial hub rife with people traveling on business. We decided to book one room with two separate bedrooms to save a bit of money. It came out to 9 octims a night, which when you factored in food, meant we only had a little over a week's worth of cash if we spent conservatively. I didn't know how long it was going to take me to find Atlas and Axle, but I couldn't see it happening that soon. We would likely have to hunt again; that or find a steady job that paid the bills.
It was a humble inn compared to some of the others we had seen. I really wanted to stay in one of the nicer ones, but Tovin wasn't having it. He said the less we had to go out and make money, the better, and I couldn't come up with a good enough argument to push back. While Tovin took a shower, I took an eraser to everything Fena had written to me in the notebook. I left a little bit of her message so as to avoid suspicion, and decided I'd write back later tonight before bed.
After his shower, he realized that he only had dirty clothes to change into and we were reminded that we needed to go shopping. I rinsed off and the two of us made our way back down to the lobby and out into town. It had gotten considerably darker since we had checked in, and the chill winds blew against my cold hair, sending shivers down my spine. We pulled our hoods up and hit the market.
The first shop we landed at was a big success. We bought a warm hat for Tovin's head, which was only just now growing back a thin layer of hair. We found some sheepskin flight jackets with wool collars that rode high against the back of our necks. Tovin begrudgingly accepted them as the best option both for warmth and for hiding our slave tattoos, but for me, I also thought they looked really, really cool.
We bought some leather gloves that matched the jackets, along with new undergarments and sleep attire. We bagged some Diesillian snacks and drinks, as well as a refill of cigarettes for Tovin before heading back to the room. We were both exhausted, and I was more excited about a bed than I ever had been. Back in the room, we sat on the floor and tried the different candies and snacks as we discussed our next plan of action.
"Let's stay here for a little while," Tovin advised, sitting under the open window with his cigarette in hand. "This place is huge. The odds of them finding us here quickly are slim."
"I agree," I said as I popped one of the candies in my mouth. "I'm not going to say I like it here, but it sure beats being on the run."
"We're still on the run," he warned. "Don't misunderstand that. We should also probably pick new aliases. DuPonte has the wrong ones, but Gilliam is pretty similar to William."
"Yeah, but we're not on the run, run. Y'know, being chased through the night, sleeping in abandoned shacks, and stowing away in train cars. I know they're still looking for us, but how are they ever gonna catch us now?"
He folded his arms and dropped his eyes. Smoke billowed from his mouth as he sat in quiet contemplation. "It would be a mistake to underestimate our enemy," he said finally. "We need to start going by new names. I'm Wallace, and you're Geoffrey, got that?"
"I don't want to be Geoffrey, you be Geoffrey," I said playfully as I passed him a bag of candies. "Here, try these. They're called jelly beans, they're pretty good."
He dug his hand into the bag, fished one out, and popped it into his mouth. "Fine," he said. "You can be Wallace then, and I'll be Geoffrey. You need to help me remember that, you understand?"
"Yeah, I got it," I assured him.
"I said I heard you, Jeez," I said dismissively as I picked up the dark beverage I had been eyeing. It was labeled Root Beer and it generated a golden fizz at the top when disturbed. I couldn't wait to taste it. Tovin reached over and gently lowered my hand. I looked up to find him staring at me intensely.
"Gill," he repeated. "Stop. Just stop it, alright? I know what you're doing. I might be slipping, but I'm not dumb, deaf, and blind just yet. While I appreciate the act, or at least where it's coming from, I know you're just as scared as I am. I'm not a child; and while I may not be able to preserve what remains of my dignity for very much longer, I would ask for your respect until that time comes."
I had somehow underestimated the smartest man I had ever known– again. I didn't know the extent of his condition. Based on our interactions, I figured that he had no memory of the times when he regressed. I assumed that he didn't fully understand how bad his lapses had gotten, but it seemed he did. Worse yet, I knew how he felt about sympathy. The way I was acting had to have felt like the biggest insult to him, and even so, he wasn't reacting with anger.
He just wanted to be heard.
"Earlier today in the woods," he said, lifting his arm and tapping his cigarette against the window sill. "I can't remember the details. I don't know how you did that monster in, how I ended up unconscious, or anything about how we got back to the city. But I do remember how I felt."
He traced the floorboards with his eyes and placed his arms on his knees as he looked for the words. "... I felt useless; helpless like a terrified child. At one point, I felt like I didn't deserve to be alive." He looked up at me. "It was like I was swimming in a dream; like I was watching my own actions from over my shoulder. I came back to consciousness for a brief moment and contemplated shoving that rifle in my mouth."
"Shut up," he waved at me dismissively, drawing tendrils of smoke in the air with the end of his cigarette. "I don't need your pep talk," he huffed. "I'm past it." He rested his head against the wall behind him. "I just want you to know that this whole thing is getting harder for me. It's like there are two people fighting for control of the wheel, and when I'm not steering, I'm in a sleeplike state. My thoughts play out in front of me like I'm having some kind of fever dream. They smear and melt like watercolor giving me brief glimpses of reality through a window I can't reach or jump through."
I stared at him with concern. We shared a brief moment of eye contact before he closed his eyes and exhaled smoke. "It's not looking good for me, Gill. I just wanted you to know before I went to bed," he said, getting to his feet. "That if I go to sleep tonight for the last time..."
"Hang on," I interrupted. "There's something you should know. I reached out to that friend of mine back home. He's already working on a way to fix you."
His face brightened. "Y-yeah?" he smiled. "Gill, why didn't you say anything?"
I picked up the bottle and used the opener we had purchased with it to pry the lid off. "There was never a good time," I shrugged. "It's been a long, long day."
"Well, what else did he say?" he asked, taking a step forward.
"... Just, y'know," I trailed off. "Hang in there."
He sucked his lips in and looked down at the floor. He knew I was holding back. I was more worried about putting him through information overload than anything else. There was a lot he didn't know; too much, in fact.
"Tovin, just trust me. You'll know everything soon," I assured him. "All of it. As soon as you get your memories back."
"You really think your friend is that incredible?" he asked without looking up.
I smiled knowingly. "I do."
I took a swig of the beverage and spat it back out all of my legs. It almost splashed his legs and he quickly scrambled away. He looked at me with apparent disgust.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he yelled.
"It's like medicine," I grimaced. "I don't think this is even a drink!"
x - - x - - x - - ☾ - - x - - x - - x
That night, as Tovin slept, I wrote down the events of the day. As I jotted it all down, I began having new revelations. Tovin seemed to be at his best after resting. In the morning when we got off the train, he seemed alright. However, as the day drew on, he became less and less like himself. I should have known something was up the moment he wandered off without me. Then he was acting like a literal child up to our confrontation with the calraven. He had even mistakenly called me dad, perhaps reliving a buried memory of a hunt with his father.
But when his rifle exploded and he lost consciousness, he was back to himself when he woke up. He seemed to hold strong through dinner up until he went to bed. I wondered what it was about sleeping that restored at least a portion of his working mind.
Then there was the stranger, referred to only once as "Deac." There was no mistaking the magic that glowed in his body, but what was that other energy? I couldn't see it, but for the fact that it danced with and often overtook his magic essence. There were two energies tangled up together inside of him, and they seemed to be at odds with one another. And then there was the Diesel Devil sitting at the back of the cave.
The two of them definitely knew one another on a familiar level. They had been sent together to investigate Eluviel, but why, and from where? She definitely didn't seem happy to see them, but could that have been because she felt I was threatened by them? A splinter-sprite, he called her. A piece of her consciousness that she had shed just before she was subdued.
I wondered why she'd chosen me. Was it because I could see her while others couldn't? Or maybe I was just secretly really, really awesome, like a main character in a novel. I sat under the electric light and smiled at the idea of being someone worthy of tales. Someone like Tovin or Atlas with a bright destiny. But was revenge really such a noble pursuit? The yearning to return home and lift some heads off of shoulders didn't seem like any sort of heroic journey. After I penned the events of the day as best as I could, I got to work answering everyone individually.
Tovin. Be nice to Gill. He's doing his best with what he's got. Instead of being pissed at him, be pissed at the headmasters in question for what they've done to him. I hope everything I wrote above helps in some way, but I'm still running around out here with a lot of questions. Any luck with the spell for your counterpart? As you;ve read, he's getting worse. I need that miracle cure sooner than later. Thanks for your help.
I could already hear him in my head. "I'm working as fast I can you ingrate," or something like that. I laughed under my breath as I thought about what a dick he was. It was pressure, pride, and maintaining appearances that warped his personality so much. Out here in the Diesel as a nobody with nothing to prove, he was so much more agreeable. His inner-Tovin showed through now and again, but I wondered what would happen if he suddenly got all his memories back. Would he be a more chilled-out version of his ENU counterpart, or would he be even more high-strung?
Gill. I hope you read the annotation I scribbled in the margins about not reading the whole journal entry. I forgot you had asked me not to talk about the Galgalim before I had already written it all down. If you skipped right to this response as I hoped, then don't go back and read any of that. There were major revelations about what she is and why she's here.
I knew he wouldn't be able to resist after reading that. I needed his curiosity to overpower his fear. It was possible, I figured, that I could undo some of the damage Vega had done. I just needed to remind Gill of who he was.
I know it's weird putting your trust in me, but if there's anyone you can trust, it's yourself. I'm 99% sure Tovin would back me up on that, haha. And yeah, I remember Fena boasting about the importance of keeping a diary. We love that girl, but we hate to write, am I write?
I hoped he would find my pun funny. He was me, so he would at least smile at it, I was sure.
Even now my hand is aching something fierce, I want to go to bed more than anything. You know how long its been since I've slept in a bed? This mattress feels like heaven under me right now, you got no idea. And is Tovin still threatening to kill you? I thought we had gotten a little closer than that. I can't believe Axle was expelled. You're right, that means you're probably next. Keep your head down, man. Thanks for cooperating with me. If you had changed the summoning signature for the tome, I would have died today... and yesterday too, actually. I'm getting actual combat experience out here. It's wild knowing you can die at any moment. My hand is kinda cramping and I still have to write Fena back so I'll end it here. Thanks again for hearing me out and staying open-minded about this whole thing.
I set the pencil down and massaged the muscle between my thumb and forefinger. I had a lot to tell. But I wasn't about to roll over and drift off without writing to Fena. I picked the pencil up and readjusted myself before putting my words down.
I'm sorry I asked Gill not to tell you, but something deep down inside of me told me he would do it anyway. I just wanted to touch base with him first before I reached out to the rest of you. And technically, I was the one who showed you the message in the tome, so I didn't actually ever keep a secret from you.
I doodled a little smiley face with his tongue sticking out and then quickly erased it only to find that I couldn't fully get it off the page. There was a big smudge there that made it evident that I'd written and then erased something. I let out a frustrated sigh and drew it again, but somehow worse.
That's a solid theory on Tovin there. Same for Atlas. That could end up coming back to bite Vega in the ass. I promise I'll be safe, but do me a favor and help Tovin with whatever it is he needs. He's working on that spell to untether blocked memories from the mind, and the Tovin with me is getting worse by the day it seems. I don't want to see him get caught and sent back to the camp. He won't cooperate with them and they'll definitely kill him.
Thanks for everything, hun. I miss you more than you could ever know. Promise me you'll stay safe too. I know Vega is trying to find a way to get to you. If he got to Tovin... look just take every precaution you can. I love you. Goodnight.
I closed the book and set it down on my bedside table. I pulled the chain on the light, snuffing it out, then turned over and sank my head into the pillow. It wasn't that late yet– I could hear the hum of Diesel vehicles and even the chatter of the populace outside. I pulled the blankets over myself and closed my eyes. I let the warmth of the bed cradle me as I counted my many blessings, and thanked Hahnahkordia that I had somewhere warm and dry to lay my head.
The room was dimly lit when I opened my eyes again. It was just bright enough that I could read the clock on the wall. It was about 7am. It felt like I had blinked. I thought about getting up, but the blankets were so warm, and the room was cold– I had left the window open all night by accident. What reason did I have to get out of bed anyways? I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep again and repeated this several times until the clock read noon and I started to get hungry.
I rolled out of bed and quickly closed the window. I hurried into the hot embrace of my morning shower and got dressed before knocking on Tovin's door. "Hey, you up? I was thinking of breakfast."
There was no answer. I carefully opened his door to find his bed empty and neatly made. I entered the room fully to find that his backpack was also missing. I figured he had to have gotten hungry first and left without me. That theory fell on its face when I ventured back to my room and found a note placed on the side table.
You can sleep all day if you want. I'm going down to the gun range at the hunters' office. I won't be shown up by you again.
I set the note down and began to worry. I didn't like the idea of him going out by himself. What if he were to suddenly backslide mentally while out in Diesel territory alone? I could see a scenario where he'd forget his alias or that he has an incriminating mark on the back of his neck. I got dressed in a hurry and grabbed my backpack before heading out the door. I hurried down the steps and out into the cold wet streets of Bronzegirder.
I made my way north of the crowded city streets and found Alloy street. The bitter winds blew against me as I made my way up the empty road toward the hunters' office. I was starting to regret not buying a warm hat for myself when I bought one for Tovin. I skipped every second step on my way up to the front door and made my way past the reception desk and into the firing range. I heaved a sigh of relief when I found Tovin shooting at targets downrange.
I walked up next to him as he turned his rifle over and grabbed a handful of ammunition from the box sitting on the counter. "Busy morning, Geoffrey?"
"Did you just wake up?" he asked as he began feeding bullets into the tube.
"I figured I didn't have anywhere to be," I shrugged. "I assumed you didn't either. I thought the plan was to get our bonus and ditch this place."
"Yeah, well, I kind of like shooting," he admitted. "Also, we're out of money."
I felt my knees turn to jelly underneath me. "What?" I yelled. "How?"
"Turns out these guns are expensive," he said as he pulled the hammer back and lifted the rifle to his shoulder. "You left ours out in the woods. They charged us for them."
I stammered for entirely too long before wiping both hands over my face and collecting myself. "... How much we got left?"
"We owe," he answered, firing his gun. "They charged us for the uniforms, and then a fee to clean the gunk off of them. Also, I bought us a pair of rain ponchos, they're cheaper here." He motioned to a couple of folded-up ponchos hanging over the wooden divider.
I stammered for a little longer. This was becoming more expensive than it was worth. We would have to hunt another monster today. I was hoping to never have to hoof it out there again, and it was even colder today than it was yesterday.
"Calm down," he said, not taking his eyes off the target. "Get your poncho on. I've got a plan."
"A plan?" I asked.
x - - x - - x - - ★ - - x - - x - - x
"The circus?" I said with a hint of anger in my voice as we stood in front of the many tents and attractions. They had set up east of town on the perimeter of the city. Families wandered the fairgrounds. Vendors had set up games and stands with delicious food we couldn't pay for, and I had just remembered I hadn't eaten breakfast.
"I came this way first when I smelled the food," Tovin said, taking a few steps in front of me and turning around. "Then I explored a little bit. And wouldn't you know it– I found an attraction that was offering a cash prize. It just wasn't open yet."
I sighed and hung my head. "You just wanted to come to the carnival," I grumbled.
"100 octims," he said flatly.
I looked up at him and he smiled faintly. "Thought that would get your attention." He reached into his pocket and produced a single red ticket. "This will get us one round."
"One round?" I asked, taking the ticket and inspecting it. It read, "Single Admission ~ 1 Minute."
"There's a stage toward the back with a guy in a cape that you can challenge in hand-to-hand combat," he said, beckoning me to follow as he turned and started into the fair. I hurried after him as he explained. "Here's the kicker though. You don't have to beat him. All you've got to do is hit him."
"Just hit him?" I asked.
"That's what they said. He's supposed to be some kind of master. You strike him just once and we're set for the next several days, and that's after settling our debt."
This plan was a little better than I had given him credit for. Here I had thought he'd gone bananas again, but this could really work.
"You think I can do it?" I asked. "It can't be easy if they're throwing around a hundred octims."
"Here's what I'm thinking," he said, lowering his voice and slowing down to walk next to me. "You use a little bit of that magic– the kind you isolate in your feet to move quickly."
"Are you nuts?" I cast him an incredulous glance. "Did you forget we'd be on stage in Diesel territory?"
"Just use it once quickly to make your swing a little faster," he reasoned. "It's been drizzling all morning. The stage is wet already. If you're quick about it, it won't stand out."
"I don't know," I shook my head. "It's not the worst plan, but it's so risky."
"Riskier than hunting monsters?" he asked.
That was a fair point. Still, the idea of casting in front of everyone made me uneasy. It wasn't like Jetstream was a super common spell, though. Furthermore, the odds were slim that anyone in the crowd had ever even witnessed magic before. The more I thought about it, the more I started to think we could actually pull this off.
"This is the place," said Tovin as we approached a crowd. There was a wooden sign in front that read, The Slippery Salamander! One hit gets you 100 octims! The two of us pushed through the crowd until we came to the stage where a mustached man was swinging like crazy at the aptly named Salamander. He bobbed and weaved effortlessly around every attempted strike until a man in a red and white striped outfit hurried out onto the stage and blew a whistle.
"Time's up!" he called out.
The crowd cheered and applauded as the Salamander turned and took a bow. The world fell out from underneath me. I couldn't believe my eyes.
Writing Prompt Submitted by u/My-Last-Hope
submitted by a15minutestory to A15MinuteMythos [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:15 That_Reception_7787 I like a boy who is in a relationship and I’m not able to get over him

As the title suggests, I am very very attracted to this boy in my class but he already has a girlfriend and they have been dating for quite sometime. I don’t want to be in a relationship with him, but I love talking to him and I’m physically attracted to him. I feel jealous when he talks to other girls or gives more attention to other girls. In fact I find myself getting angry when he does that. I really want to get over this but I find myself getting more and more obsessed about him with each passing day. I feel possessive about him and that’s so so weird. I just want to get over this but it’s been nearly 10 months and it’s just increasing. I keep waiting for his text messages, I always want to spend time with him and talk for hours. Even though at times he is mean to me at times, I find myself seeking for his time and attention.
Please please give me advice on what to do! Any and all suggestions are welcome, I’m in desperate need to get over this.
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2023.03.30 20:14 Many-Scale2597 Christian Dating App Incident - What could I have done better?

Hey everyone. I'm new to this subreddit and am not really sure where else to seek help/advice on what happened to me last night.
I want to add a little background about myself before describing what happened. I'm a 24 year old male and a fairly recent proselyte (about 1 year ago) to the Christian faith. I've never had many friendships and was never in a relationship before. But for the last several months I've been feeling a greater urge to talk to people near me and connect with them. So I started using dating apps (this was more for relationships, only partly for friendships). One of these was a Christian dating app called Upward. I honestly haven't had much success. So whenever I got a match (and this hardly happens) I was very happy. Just last weekend I found I got a match on this Christian dating app. She was a female about 18 years old who lived several hundred miles away. Her first message said she liked me because I seemed like a "nice guy" and that we should exchange numbers. So we exchanged phone numbers.
For the last few days we were texting, and spent maybe a few hours getting to know each other more. One of the first messages she sent was her describing her life. In this message, she said she liked watching pornography because it was "relaxing" to her. I tried being kind and understanding - besides, since I was never in a relationship and didn't have many matches, I felt as if I couldn't be too "picky" by rejecting her or ending the conversation there. I asked if she felt guilty about it and she said God understands all of us.
The next day, we texted more. I asked her about her Bible reading habits. I asked her if she wanted to share verses with each other. She didn't reply. But maybe a few hours later (at night), she asked me if I was still here. I asked what she wanted to say. She said that she thought I was "too pure" for her - while I was thinking about the Bible, she said, she was resting at night and watching pornography. I felt bad. I told her I'm a sinner too and that none of us is perfect. I told her I try to live a good and respectable life. I said I was very grateful to talk to her because I didn't have many people to talk to. After that she said, "if I share a picture of myself relaxing will you share one of yourself? And don't share it with anyone". I said that maybe she should reflect about it a few minutes and I said I didn't want to send a lewd picture of myself.
After a few moments, she sent me a picture - of herself "relaxing". It wasn't pornographic at all. I told her I'm glad she changed her mind and didn't send anything pornographic. She said, "I don't know what you're talking about". And I said I'm glad you didn't send anything pornographic. She said "Lol I didn't know I was supposed to".
Then she asked if I could send a photo of myself "relaxing". Honestly at this point I was sad and frustrated. I told her if this was a joke it wasn't funny and that it made me feel bad. She then replied "Joking about what?! What are you talking about?!". And I said I just didn't know what to feel. Then she said "Please just stop messaging me you're weird". So I ended the conversation there. I deleted our messages. But I am still confused and a little sad and disappointed. After what happened, I just don't know what to do or how I should have reacted.
I'm just curious right now if I did something wrong. And I want to ask more experienced Christians if I did something wrong or if I could have handled the situation differently. Honestly I tried my best as a follower of Christ. But all I got in the end was disrespect and rejection. Is there anything I could have done better?
As of today, I still don't have any friends or connections with people who are Christians. Nothing. I feel nothing has improved. I had high hopes that what happened last week would be a genuine and sincere person. But in the end, it ended in nothing but sadness and disappointment.
submitted by Many-Scale2597 to christiandatingadvice [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 20:13 Party-Wash5369 Stuck in adhd paralysis big time today.

So I had an awesome first half of the day. I felt good and productive and then lunch hit. I sit in my car during lunch usually I sketch or journal but today I doom scrolled through the entire 45 minutes. I came back to my desk after lunch at about 1:20pm and it’s now 2pm I’ve done nothing since coming back from lunch. I have a hard time transitioning out of the break mindset. I have 3 tasks to complete that really aren’t big or hard to do at all. But I can’t bring myself to even begin. On top of it this is my last work day of the week so all I can think about is what I’m going to do this weekend I even wrote a list of tasks that need to be done at home instead of doing my work.
I took my second dose of meds earlier and I know they’re working because I feel the motivation I just don’t know how to put it into something productive. Like I’d just rather be home organizing the shelves in my art room or vacuuming the living room.
I feel so helpless right now. This has been happening more and more recently and I feel like I can’t do anything. Sometimes I reward myself with a 15 minute break of sketching or watching tiktok for a couple minutes but that doesn’t sound appealing at all either. I wish I could be near a window or something I feel like the sunlight might motivate me a little bit, but I sit at a cube with terrible lighting, the environment is miserable and does not help. Anyway I’m rambling now…. Any advice on how to kickstart myself into some work tasks would be super appreciated!
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2023.03.30 20:12 daydreams172827 I'm close to homelessness and I'm terrified.

Last year, around June I quit my job and left an extremely physically, mentally, and s*xually abusive relationship to move back to my hometown and assist in end-of-life care for a family member. In August, they passed away. I've been applying ever since.
I need a job. I've needed a job for over 6 months now. I've applied and applied and applied. The only places that want to reach out to me are blatant scams and abusive workplaces that will take advantage of me. (MLMs or Sales position that pay less than legally allowed, in a state where $15.50 is minimum wage.)
Mind you, I haven't been picky with applying. It's been everything from janitorial work to food service to executive positions. If it's near me and open, you best believe I'd apply. But every time I get a letter or email within a week telling me I wasn't selected. I can't afford gas to go out and physically apply. Even when I have done it, I've just been told to apply online, where I'll surely be ignored.
I'm an artist and I'm struggling to make commission work as it's hard for me to find an avenue to advertise. Even on my art account on here, I don't have enough of a post history to post onto any art servers. My attempts are automatically flagged as spam and my posts are then deleted.
I'm an experienced dental assistant, yet no office I've applied to has hired me.
I'm a hard worker. I can do just about any job you ask of me. It's been extremely disheartening and depressing to open my emails to only be greeted with rejection letters.
I don't know what to do. It's been hard finding motivation to get out of bed every day. I know I'm a great worker. I'm dedicated. But with the job market the way it is right now, I don't know how I'm going to survive.
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