Saddie Sink is an American actress born on April 16, 2002 in Brenham, Texas. She is best known for her roles as Suzanne Ballard in NBC's 'American Odyssey' and Max Mayfield in Netflix's 'Stranger Things'
As table setting, I havenât listened to MBMBaM in three years, give-or-take, so I have no clue what the modren era (đ) of the show is like. However, I
have been hate-listening to a movie podcast enough that Iâve actually turned a corner into liking it, so I feel spiritually ready for this. Plus Iâm a little drunk, which has never been a bad decision for anybody ever.
0:00 - Iâve always kind of disliked the intro, especially the âcool babyâ part, and sadly that has not changed with time.
0:20 - First time hearing the new theme song, which is fine if a little twee for my taste. I weirdly hate how they deliver the â1, 2, 3, 4â up top, but thatâs just nitpicky. We canât all be DeeDee Ramone, you know?
1:10 - Introductions. Travis introduces himself as ânoted intellectual and middlest brotherâ, and Griffin just says ââŠAnd Iâm Griffin⊠McElroyâ. I didnât laugh, but I did actually find that slightly funny, so Iâm optimistic for how this goes.
1:35 - Justin has invented a new game that he wants to play called âSimply the Guestsâ where he tells them who guested on a celebrityâs podcast and they have to guess the celebrity. Travis points out that the title is a touching tribute (to Tina Turner, he clarifies a few seconds later) and thereâs a bit where Justin and Griffin pretend not to know she died that Justin interrupts with a parody song. Is this too soon? I canât tell, but I also only get my celebrity death news from Simpsons memes.
2:31 - Iâve had to pause and restart enough times that Iâve realized how shitty the web player is, since I have to click like three times before it registers as being on the page and actually trying to play instead of just highlighting the button, and if I try to click the 15 second rewind button it usually skips to the ~11 minute mark right above the button. However, I refuse to actually download the episode because if I do that, Jesse Thorne wins.
2:58 - Justin only has one round prepared, but expects it will take longer than they expect. Griffin rightly questions if itâs actually possible to play this game based on the information that will be provided. Travis says that sometimes when he comes up with a game, itâs like when you start off at level 1 fighting Sephiroth and die, but it just takes you to a cutscene and is all part of the game. Iâm struggling to think of games heâs come up, which is maybe a metaphor for how I never finished FFVII. Justin says it should be easy if their heads are on a swivel, and 50-50 if theyâre half paying attention.
4:30 - Justin is giving the guests in order as theyâve appeared: Billy Ray Cryrus, John Carter Cash, Billy Bush, Albert Pujols. Griffin laughs and makes a joke about how his head is on a swivel but it hurts, and Iâm shocked and a little disappointed that it wasnât a joke about how one of the greatest Cardinals of all time has a name thatâs pronounced âPoo Holesâ.
5:00 - The next guests listed Adam Carrolla, Clint Black, and Gary Busey. Travis incorrectly guesses Blake Shelton. Justin says Katie Couric was the next guess, and Griffinâs postulation of Kevin Sorbo is apparently pretty close.
6:10 - Dr. Drew is the next guest. Travis asks if they would be willing to guest, and Justin says he likes to think theyâd have a nice long talk about it. Griffin guesses Randy Quaid. Justin neither confirms nor denies, but instead finishes listing the guests - Sharon Stone, Martin Short, Mike Lindell (the MyPillow CEO), Jim Brown, and Anthony Fauci. I actually kind of like this game, because what the fuck?
8:40 - Justin says heâll give them an episode title for any celeb mentioned. Travis picks Sharon Stone, who covered âPandemics, Social Justice Movements, and Animal Actorsâ. Griffin picks Pujols, who covers âBaseball, Downs Syndrome, and Living the American Dreamâ, and asked if there were other baseball players on the list.
10:05 - Justin admits he skipped Jimmy Morris because he didnât know who that is. I didnât either, but I have the power of Google and in the time it took him to explain why he was skipped, learned that he starting playing for Tampa Bay Devil Rays when he was 35 and
The Rookie was based on him.
10:30 - Travis and Griffin discuss âSorbo adjacentâ celebrities and Justin scolds them for not talking to each other, saying thatâs what a podcast is and that heâs trying to do a podcast. To paraphrase a joke from Jon Gabrus, itâs three straight white men talking, we already know itâs a podcast.
11:30 - Travis suggests Dennis Quaid, since he has a strong connection to baseball and Christ. Griffin agrees and Travis is in fact correct. Ironically, that means that Jimmy Morris was probably the most helpful clue, since Dennis Quaid starred in
The Rookie. Justin offers a bonus for naming the show, and says itâs something with âDennisâ. Griffin accurately guesses âThe Dennissanceâ.
13:45 - Justin mentions Morris was the titular rookie, and claims that people forget Dennis Quaid. They discuss the Quaid siblings a bit and advise Dennis to get back in the podcasting game.
15:15 - First question of the episode: âMy boyfriend and I were looking for a bar before your Columbus TAZ show and walked by one that looked empty and not our vibe, but it had tinted windows so it was hard to tell. We walked to another bar and inside the door person flagged us down and said someone was looking for us. We were already inside this other bar when the woman who was working at the first bar said she saw us looking in and said âPlease come into my bar - we have cheaper drinks. We were confused and startled and decided to stay at the bar we were already at, but we werenât sure if we regretted it because this person went to the effort to chase us down half a block, cross a busy street, went through a revolving door to get to us. Also, the drinks at the bar were expensive. Should we have gone back to the other bar instead?â - Confused in Columbus. Not to brag, but Iâve been to a lot of bars in my lifetime and can say with some confidence this didnât happen.
16:05 - They immediately answer that, no, they should not have gone back to the other bar. Travis accurately points out that weird pursuit aside, if they have that little business then 100% of the focus would be on them. Griffin thinks they would have had a tremendous amount of power and would get their drinks immediately, and the bartender might have cool stories. They discuss how bad the design of this bar is that itâs impossible to see inside, both because they crave attention and so that someone will notice in case they go missing.
18:45 - Travis says if he ran a restaurant across from another restaurant, he would go up to patrons at the competitor and try to lure them away. Apparently Tom Green did this with pizza delivery as a TV show, and Justin thinks he would have Shark Tankâd it if it was a viable option.
19:36 - Travis says Tom Green wouldâve probably called it âShart Tankâ. I laughed out loud.
20:00 - Griffin says in Austin they basically have to have barkers for the various bars given the amount of competition for foot traffic and Justin thinks they should just go for hyper-local advertising.
21:00 - Travis offers Griffin an investment opportunity, claiming he needs angel investors. Justin is incensed that he isnât offered the chance, and Griffin says itâs because he has no money but maybe his âcrypto shitâs gonna pay off some dayâ. Justin says he doesnât have âcrypto shits unless Iâve been eating cryp-tacosâ (Griffin pitches crypto-salsa) and that Superman hates cleaning up Krypto shits.
21:44 - Travis points out that Superman named his dog after a thing he hates. I swear this had to be a Seinfeld joke at some point, since the two things I know about Jerry Seinfeld are (a) he loves Superman and (b) heâs not funny. Actually, I know a third thing, which is that he dated a 17-year-old when he was 38. Anyway, fuck that guy.
21:50 - Travis pitches having a long stretch of connected bars by buying all the existing bars and knocking down the connecting walls. Griffin and Justin point out thatâs essentially the Disneyland model, and Justin mentions the Goofy sour balls.
21:51 - I Googled âGoofy sour ballsâ and thankfully it was a real candy. Griffin indignantly says that they stopped making them and that âGoofy took his sour balls awayâ. Travis says âHe washed themâ and they ignore him. I laughed out loud again, manâs really winning me back. They continue on this riff, making more and worse versions of the same joke.
24:07 - Question 2: âIâm enrolled in summer college courses. In one of my classes, a guy in front of me likes to stretch backwards over his chair with his eyes closed. His head basically ends up right on my desk and he will breathe in my face. Iâve had to move my laptop to stop him from laying on it. Am I the weird one for staring at the guy as he disrupts all my belongings and my personal space? He does it more than five times a class. Itâs very awkward and makes it hard to focus on the lecture. Should I say something? Help me brothers, how do I stop this stretching bandit from stealing my peace of mind?â - Cramped College Co-Ed in Canada.
24:57 - Justin has an immediate suggestion. I assume itâs the actual solution, which is to say something like an adult or just switch seats, but nope, itâs the old chestnut of put some jelly on it. Griffin suggests surprise massage. Travis clarifies that theyâre definitely ignoring the âexcuse me, could you not do thatâ option, which Griffin confirms because itâs not very funny. This takes me back to when I used to regularly listen, since part of the driving force for me stopping was the sheer number of questions that could be solved by two seconds of slightly awkward conversation. I totally get it, social anxiety is a bitch and Iâve absolutely been there, but the lack of funny kinda stems from the question. They all agree, and Travis suggests adding broken glass to the jelly.
26:57 - Griffins goes back to the massage suggestion, with âdual percussive massagersâ. Justin suggests hovering over them and saying âThereâs my sweet boyâ and Travis suggests a âlittle kiss on the foreheadâ which, thankfully, they immediately shoot down. Still, Iâm uncomfortable.
28:00 - Justin points out that, if someone actually followed the advice they give, the problem would be solved, itâs just a question of consequences. Thereâs some more discussion of the Quaids but my spirit is a little broken and I canât bring myself to rewind to accurately transcribe any of it.
29:43 - Money Zone: Travis says, âWell Justin,â and Justin misidentifies him as Griffin. So far, hardest laugh of the episode. The ad is for Zocdoc, which Justin mispronounces a
lot. I assume any service that advertises on a podcast is actually just a money laundering scheme, medical stuff doubly so, but it does remind me that MaxFun podcasts are the only ones where I can tell the ad copy was done in a single take with no edits. I admire it, in a way.
32:45 - A MaxFun ad for âJust the Zoo of Usâ, which is apparently a podcast where they rate animals on their âeffectiveness, ingenuity, and aestheticsâ. It kind of worked on me, which is to say Iâm debating the merits of getting a Zoobooks subscription as a childless woman approaching her thirties.
33:30 - A MaxFun ad for âFeeling Seenâ, where the editor likes to play the game of taking a sip of coffee anytime the guest says how good a question is, how smart the host is, or cries unexpectedly. I cannot stress enough how much this makes me not want to listen. I donât even have anything snide to say, Iâm just genuinely put off by it.
34:19 - Griffin introduces the Wizard of the Cloud: How to âTalk Nerdyâ to someone, which is meant to help you talk to the âcute nerd in your science classâ by becoming more adorkable to them. Justin and Travis are disgusted by the word âadorkableâ, which feels like a real split with their brand of appealing to mid-2010s Tumblr users.
36:00 - Travis points out that this article presupposes that nerdy people only want to be seduced with nerdy things, and will shun all other romance. The original pickup line is âAre you a carbon sample? Because I definitely want to date you. If youâve seen The Big Bang Theory, you already know science and physics nerds are the bestâ Travis punches it up with âIâve got a theory that we should Big Bang.â Currently heâs batting a thousand for me.
36:55 - Wikihow asks âCan math be sexy?â They talk about how sexy 8 is and Travis makes a 69 joke, so I retract my previous statement. Thereâs a gross astronomy-based pickup line saying âDo you mind if my comet enters your solar systemâ and âHey, nice asteroidsâ. Mercifully, no âCan I touch Uranus?â
38:30 - More bad pickup lines, now about computers. Apparently âYouâre hotter than the bottom of my laptopâ is a good come-on. The video game lines are equally impressive, and Wikihow recommends that distracting gamers away from their games is easier said than done. These are more sexually charged than before, but no more clever.
43:30 - Weâve arrived at
Star Wars. Wikihow says âJedis are tough nuts to crack, so you may need to use the Force to woo them effectively.â Itâs been a while, but Iâm fairly certain Jedis arenât allowed to fall in love and thatâs kind of a whole thing with the prequel trilogy. Also, are we not doing phrasing anymore? Cuz Jesus, they should take a second pass at that.
43:46 - Wikihow suggests several âYoda-approved pickup linesâ, and they do some bad Yoda impressions like âpull down some trim, you willâ and âwet, you will getâ. This is apparently a thing theyâve done before called âClipping Yodaâ. Justin makes a âsomething something something, I thought they smelled bad on the outsideâ joke.]
46:08 - They discuss the
very limited situations when the suggested âI find your lack of nudity disturbingâ is acceptable, then move on to the
Lord of the Rings lines which are equally questionable. Travis brings up the theory that Frodo doesnât know Legolasâ name, and now I wanna rewatch LotR.
50:09 - Justin suggests coming up with their own lines, which results in âYou make me feel like John Rhys-Davies in
Sliders, cuz I wanna climb in those holesâ and Griffin looking up ânerd moviesâ.
51:40 - Question 3: âMy bank has been advertising a home ownership service to help folks buy and sell homes. I usually ignore them, but this time theyâve been offering a chance to win a flattop grill package with a $100 gift card to a very expensive butcher. Iâve been really wanting to get my dad a new grill. Brothers, I have no way of buying a house, let alone sell one. Theyâre contacting me, trying to help me buy a house. How do I explain to them Iâm only entered to maybe win the grill and have no interest in the service?â From the Poor Hopeful in B (?).
53:00 -
First of all. Second, they suggest the asker (a) admits they were only in it for the grill or (b) saying they have a budget of $750 for a furnished home. It devolves into a riff about Bobby Flay and pitches for âFlay Bobby Flayâ and âBob Bobby Flayâ to see if he floats.
56:15 - Plugs for stuff and the end of the episode.
Closing Thoughts: I actually enjoyed that, although with a lot of stopping and starting to write this. Also anyone who likes Clipping Yoda may also like Action Boyz, because pedophile Yoda is a surprisingly rich vein to mine. I donât think Iâll ever actually pick up listening again, since I have about 280 episodes of Off Book to get to first and this whole recap has made me really contemplate my mortality, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it