Steve trevino wife problems

Do not provide support, I will reject it. Mods, please remove all restrictions on negative comments solely for this post.
So, I made a previous post here explaining why I suck for retroactive reasons, but I'm going to explain why everyone's reassurance there is completely invalid, since it's blatantly obvious I'm still a piece of crap today. I carefully (and probably secretly self-servingly) omitted all my current shitty behaviour in the last post:

• 1. I inherently suck at household labour. Badly. When my (for some weird reason) now-wife and I first moved in together, I dumped so much of it on her that she completely burned out and became depressed, and she lost all will to do just about anything.
  • I gradually picked up tasks until there was an even split, including doing a time diary to ensure it. But this doesn't absolve shit-all. I should not have had to do this. Other people figure this shit out without having to go to such ridiculous lengths. I'm just inherently lazy and useless, and think throwing in some kind of gargantuan effort to do the BARE FUCKING MINIMUM makes it OK.
  • I used to make the pathetic excuse of "oh it's ADHD, oh my Mom used to just follow us around cleaning up so we never learned, oh I'm trying my best." Bullshit. Other people have ADHD and overly accommodating parents and don't do this.
• 1. Another fucking embarrassment: I used to work so much during the week that I wound up just collapsing and sleeping until noon on weekends, leaving the kids with my wife in the morning. My dumbass logic was "oh, I'm the sole earner [my son has autism, so it's hard to have 2 working parents in this situation], I need to make sure my income stays high enough to support all of us so my wife doesn't have to work, oh, the project is such a good cause that it's worth it." That's a load of crap, she was still doing more overall labour with this idiotic setup...and after previously burning her out too! I now force myself awake on weekends, inject sleep into during-the-day downtime like long builds, increase work efficiency using automation (I could've been working more efficiently, seriously), and eliminated most "time off to recharge" (lmao).
  • But why the fuck did I have to figure this out instead of just doing it in the first place? Like, I ever thought this was OK? It doesn't fucking absolve it. It's an embarrassment to everyone, and an embarrassment to the family.
• 1. On the topic of automation: I secretly fucking suck at my job. I compensate for it (and people think I'm awesome at my job because they don't know) using extensive automation...but I only have to do this because I'm so inherently incompetent that it's the only way to function. And I've pointed this out to non-colleagues (but not colleagues, since hurting my income would be a disaster for the family), and they seem to think the fact that I recognized this and automated things makes me good at my job. Bullshit. It means I inherently suck and live a lie by hiding it well. I reject this argument.
  • It's great when other people automate of course, since it means they're trying to be better - it doesn't stem from incompetence. But in my case, I know full well it's just a cover-up for incompetence.
• 1. I act entitled to everyone in the house's food, creating piles of work for my wife. I've gradually reduced the areas I consider "public food" to not produce mountains of work, but I STILL manage to fuck this up in any area where I don't forcibly establish precise rules for myself. And worse, initially I acted like if the food is in the house, it's mine, because I'm the one earning the money...y'know, as if domestic labour isn't labour. That's fucking financial abuse and totally degrading to stay-at-home parents everywhere.
  • Like, seriously, why the fuck did I have to learn to respect other people's personal space? Like, OK, again, doing the bare fucking minimum and thinking that makes it OK. Like, if I were a decent person I wouldn't have had to figure this out, it would've been fucking obvious.
    • I do get why some other people have this problem - it's generally their environment teaching them to be this way, and they don't know it. But I'm aware of this and always have been and still did it anyway (and still have some habits downstream of this), so that's no excuse whatsoever on my end.
• 1. I used to lose my temper with my kids. I've managed to learn not to do this, but like...that doesn't mean I didn't do it, and it doesn't mean the tendency isn't there. This is - again - the bare fucking minimum, I shouldn't have to learn how to not do this. Other people figure this out out of the gate.
  • And FTR I'm not going to judge other parents who have this problem, because you don't know what's going on in people's lives - there's always a reason. But in my case, I know what's going on, and I have absolutely no fucking excuse. I know what I'm like, so I know the reason is that I fucking suck.
• 1. I used to make sexist and racist jokes and thought this was hilarious. My idiot logic was "lMaO iF eVeRyOnE mOcKs EvErYoNe...THAT'S EQUALITY!!!!1! LOLOLOLOL." Again, learned why this is the far opposite of true, but like...why the fuck did I have to learn such basic fucking decency? Only a garbage person has to do this.
  • And in this case, yes, other people who do this are garbage too. I do applaud other people who changed, because you never know the reason they learned to be that way, but in my case, I know there's no fucking excuse. And I used to be a fascist in my late teens (not anymore...I'm now a leftist, but seriously, why would an ex-fascist be trustworthy? The tendency was there. And FTR none of my other statements here have any relationship to that - this is just more "undoing" behaviour on my part), so it's obvious where it stemmed from.
• 1. I try to compensate for my inherent shittiness with excessive kindness, acts of service, and solely taking on jobs that benefit humanity, such as in public health and climate change mitigation research. Like, how lovely, an obnoxious virtue signaller with no actual virtue who makes other people feel like shit. Like, I can't stop doing it because I feel bad for other people's situations and worry about the future of humanity, but at the end of the day I'm just trying to make myself feel better. This is the bare fucking minimum.
  • I do applaud it when other people do it of course, and it should be encouraged. But it sure AF isn't altruism when I do it, it's just some sort of obnoxious inability to not meddle like everything is my fucking business. And yes, it's usually appreciated. But it still stems from a place of being a total piece of shit. It's not like just "undoing" other crappy behaviour makes the crappy behaviour OK, it's just a way to try to convince myself I'm not a garbage person, which means it's not actual kindness at all - it's self-serving self-righteousness that I extensively cover up behaviourally with modesty. AND AGAIN, IT'S THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM, and I should just inherently do kind things instead of have shit-ass behaviours I try to "undo" with it.
• 1. In hyper-inflated egotistical moments where I don't feel crappy (as is fair), I think "oh, I'm doing more decent things than most people, therefore it's OK." Lmao what I shit argument. So if everyone around you murders 100s of people, and you only murder dozens you're somehow a good person? And I'm not saying anyone else is bad, because people are products of their environment and circumstances. But I know my own environment and circumstances, and know they're no fucking excuse in my case.
• 1. I used to never ask if people are OK when they got hurt in mild ways. I learned to do it, but WTF, how the fuck was it not fucking obvious to me that that's BASIC FUCKING DECENCY? This is just the memorized behaviour of a piece of shit who acts out empathy so hard they convince themselves they actually feel it.
• 1. I was severely bullied in EIGHT TOTALLY SEPARATE ENVIRONMENTS, with no connection to each other. Bullied in one? You're a victim. Bullied in two? You're unlucky. Three? Very unlucky. But bullied in EIGHT, one after another, with even teachers and admins unable to stop themselves from getting in on it? That doesn't happen to someone who doesn't deserve to hate themselves. You wouldn't be told you should over and over in one scenario after another, for years, by completely disconnected people, almost totally across-the-board if it wasn't true. 50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong. There'd have been breaks in it. There'd have been exceptions. I wouldn't have been repeatedly expelled. I wouldn't have been the consistent black sheep if it weren't rooted in truth. And looking at my past behaviour, I completely understand the reasoning.
  • I was so impossible to tolerate that I was eventually tossed out of 3 separate public school systems, until the only option left was a private school that could only tolerate my shit-ass self by circumventing laws about physical punishment. It was fairly brutal (e.g. being forced to run around a track until you vomit), but I seriously don't blame them. I received it way more than anyone else there, so it's very clear why I was the target (if they inherently meant harm, they'd have done it to everyone. Plus it was a different time). It gave them a way to tolerate me - I'd probably be homeless or something today otherwise (which I really do deserve, but that'd suck resources away from other homeless people, who really do deserve homes).
    • I'm not advocating physical punishment of course. Other kids don't deserve this. But I mean, can you really blame a place for it when dealing with someone who was such a piece of shit they couldn't be tolerated in SEVEN PREVIOUS ENVIRONMENTS? (the eighth was that school). I've literally never heard of any other kid with that. It's clear someone like that is creating their own environment.
  • And again with the "learning" theme - it only ended (high school) because I memorized ways you're supposed to act, thus deeply burying my inherent true self (who still deserves everything he got - it'll always be who I am).

At the end of the day it boils down to the fact that I had to forcibly "learn" not to be a complete piece of shit in EVERY. SINGLE. AREA. A decent person would not have to do this. They'd at least have had some areas where they didn't fucking suck out of the gate. They wouldn't have been deeply hated in every single environment until they forcibly started performing the motions of basic fucking decency.
And regardless, I still did it in the past, and still created piles of consequences for other people which many still deal with today. In some cases it's absurdly serious - like my Mom still has mental and neurological health problems downstream of dealing with me as a kid (although she doesn't admit it), including LITERALLY HAVING STRESS-INDUCED MS AND LOSING PART OF HER VISION (she blames other things, but I've pieced the reason together - it's impossible to hide).
And I'm not looking for reassurance here, so DO NOT provide it, I WILL ignore it. I'm just shouting into the wind. Western society has become way more socially tolerant and understanding, so nothing kind anyone says to me can ever be trusted, since the impulse is now towards reassurance (which is awesome for humanity, but it leads to the mistaken notion that I deserve support too. 100% false, please don't).
And don't try to pull "you probably have undiagnosed level 1 autism," because 1. most level 1 autistic people didn't cause this level of hell for everyone around them (my son is, so I also see this first-hand); 2. It would've been detected at least once; and 3. I inexplicably seem to be well-liked now, which isn't common with level 1 autistics. And #3 doesn't mean jack-shit. Many secretly just like my wife. Others are just extra-kind people who tolerate my crap (my friends are all odd albeit lovely people). Still others are fooled by the constant acts of false kindness, memorized social skills, weird sense of humour (mostly just memorized social skills mixed with sharp edges I allow to peek through if I suspect it'll amuse people), and fake "competence." e.g. a friend once told me I'm "both the kindest and most annoying person they know, which makes [me] one of the most likable [to them]." That says it all. The "kindest" part is a lying facade I've convinced myself of to the point of feeling the associated emotions, so that part can be rejected, leaving just "most annoying" - i.e. the actual reality peeking through. **So don't reassure me. I've heard it all from the few people I've told this to (including from a therapist for 10 years), I WILL reject it, because you will be wrong. If any of it were valid, I would not have been told the opposite in eight separate environments, nor would I have destroyed my family's health with my behaviour. There's only one explanation for that.

Unfortunately I’m in a messy spot. My wife and I put down $81k as a deposit a year ago on a house. Fast forward with interest rates rising, we don’t qualify. The problem is the REPC (purchase contract) is so damn airtight, there are literally zero buyer contingencies!
We tried to use a seller default and got an attorney involved. We did an informal mediation and the builder was only willing to give $30k back.
Problem is $81k is a years worth of salary for me. Our attorney thinks we have a 65% chance of losing if we go to litigation on the seller default piece, not a strong argument.
Can we make the builders life miserable with a public awareness campaign or are there potential litigation options? The contract is literally 21 pages long and we had less than 16 hours to review and sign it back when the market was smoking! We outbid like 12 other people!
Anyway, any legal tips or advice? Do we try and hire a big firm to scare them? We already hired a cheap one which didn’t really get us anywhere other than talking with their counsel. Kinda stuck at next steps.

how crazy am I, is there any help for me and how weird is this fetish?
how crazy am I, is there any help for me and how weird is this fetish?
I think I have a female domination fetish.
Namely, my fetish is that I like to put a girl on a pedestal.
I'm not interested in sexual perversions, pain, blood,corsets and other bdsm things.
the problem is in my head. I simply like the idea of having a wife whom I please, treat like a queen and princess, do everything to make her better in everything and I enjoy it.
pain doesn't turn me on, some verbal comments and or very light physical dominance maybe ( like heels ).
but above all, I simply like the idea of having a female person next to me to whom I would dedicate my life and do everything to fulfill her every wish.
frankly how sick is this idea and should I be ashamed?

I'm not sure if I need help. I probably do, but I don't know where to start.
My mum and pops are amazing individuals, but the life i had with them when they were still together was hell for me. My dad constantly cheated on my mom. Then, it reached a point where I would have to protect my baby sister from seeing and hearing the physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. Our house was a one bedroom household with thin walls and no door, so we constantly witnessed my mom getting beaten up by my dad. We told her to leave him many times, but her own childhood trauma wouldn't let her raise her children without a father. From witnessing my mom fight my dad's mistress, to my dad moving to another country to start a new life with his affair partner, to my little sister confising our uncle for her father, to witnessing my mom's cry for help, to my dad telling her he didn't love her and so many more things my mom stayed with my dad. She would beg my father to stay with her and to change for his family his response was always the same " A bitch like you will never change me." The abuse reached to a point where my family wouldn't even intervine when my dad was beating my mom because she didn't want to leave him so what where they suppose to do. I almost got stabbed by my dad's mistress in our house property, which is when my neighbors got involved because it affected me. My mom finally decided to leave my dad because he got hooked to drugs and alcohol. He tried to hit me after I tried to stop him from raping my mom. I remember that conversation vividly. I told him that I hated him and to stop hurting my mom. He didn't like it and told me he will show me how to respect him and he was taking his belt of to hit me but my mom tried to stop him and then my grandma burst open the door and threatened him to let us go. So he did, and that was the last day my mom tolerated his bullshit. She separated from him after that incident. But my dad continued harassing and he almost killed my mom, and if I hadn't woken up, he would have killed my mom. He told her that he was going g to kill my mom and me and my sister, and then he would kill himself so this family ends and no one has a happily after. He ended up moving out of the country and got married again.After he started dating his current wife, he left my mom alone. I have talked to my dad about a therapist, but he told me no. My dad is a changed man, and I'm proud of the huge life changes he had. Nevertheless, I feel he disqualifies my trauma and states that I need to leave the past behind and that he doesn't remember anything I tell him he put us through. I believe it's because of the drugs. But what infuriates me is the fact that he discredits my feelings. When I confront him about him not helping us financially, it's always the same result. His new family is always involved that they suffered with during covid when he lost his job and that they lived every day, not knowing when their next meal would be at. Also, when he got sick with his heart, they were there for him and that they were with him in his tough moments in life moments were weren't present.Thank God his heart is doing better. I really appreciate them for being by his side. But I don't think he understands that the reason we aren't there with him is because of him. I understand some people aren't meant to be together, but the reason why my mom decided to leave is because of his actions. His wife has a daughter from the previous marriage, and he treats her like his daughter. He sometimes treats her better than us, and I'm aware that this girl witnessed her biological father beat her mom up, and then she witnessed my dad beat her mom in their early stage of their relationship. I'm not discrediting what she went through, but what annoys me is the fact that he says that she suffered with him, yet he discredits my traumas and states that the past is in the past.
My present problems
After my mom left my dad, I had a habit of biting my nails and the skin around my fingernails; an uncontrollable leg shake; a habit of biting any object I had in my hand and I became a paranoid person. I'm aware that I constantly seek attention and that I'm a pathological liar when it comes to my life events. I constantly feel like my life has no meaning, and I don't have a lot of friends. I only have 3, and during my high school life, I never made friends. You would have to approach me for me to talk to you. Currently, I'm in university, and I'm still the quiet, shy, reserved girl. The person my 2 friends think I am is a complete fake persona. My mom thinks I'm the perfect daughter, and that's not even true. I had a guy who was truly into me, but I couldn't communicate my feelings, and I was afraid that my feelings for him were becoming strong that I broke up with him and he didn't give up on me. He still finds me, and I recently started chatting with him again. I don't know what to do with my life. I feel lost and hopeless. Honestly, I just want to end it and stop being a burden.
Sorry for the long post. I've never done this before.

how crazy am I, is there any help for me and how weird is this fetish?
I think I have a female domination fetish.
Namely, my fetish is that I like to put a girl on a pedestal.
I'm not interested in sexual perversions, pain, blood,corsets and other bdsm things.
the problem is in my head. I simply like the idea of having a wife whom I please, treat like a queen and princess, do everything to make her better in everything and I enjoy it.
pain doesn't turn me on, some verbal comments and or very light physical dominance maybe ( like heels ).
but above all, I simply like the idea of having a female person next to me to whom I would dedicate my life and do everything to fulfill her every wish.
frankly how sick is this idea and should I be ashamed?

Not posting this to collect sympathy but to hear stories of how new fathers navigated there their life before going to their postgrad.
I am in an extremely unique position. My wife and I (30M) move from country to country because of her work. I got my associates online from 2020 to 2021 and had a 3.67 GPA (American GPA) and we moved again but I couldn’t start school until we got done with her training in the states before we arrived in Canada where we now live.
During that one year, we had a child and moved to Canada when she was 30 days old. On my first born’s 34th day of life I started full time at school doing 5 classes. Long story short my first semester here I got a 5.8 CGPA (Canadian) which is like a 3.0 GPA (American). Maybe I am just being crazy or something but this grading culture and the CGPA system here is seriously intimidating me. Canada grades on a 10 point scale and me having a 5.8 makes me feel worthless. Also these professors are telling me that getting 70s on exams is very normal and that I shouldn’t take it to heart. Bro.
My plans are to come back to the states and apply for my masters. I would do a Psy D. but not now since I really want to enjoy being a father until she goes to school. We are only here for two years therefore I am taking 5 classes this coming summer and I plan to do another 5 next year to finish in 2024. Hopefully, I can get into a masters program and they take pity on me being a mess.
Ever since my last two years in the Marine Corps after discovering what an I/O psychologist is I fell in love with the field. Making the workplace function better and become cohesive with both the organization and it’s employees is what I committed to in the Marine Corps and I loved it like none other. I could talk about that all day but that is not my point here.
To note: My funding is not a problem. Which hopefully gets my foot in the door for top tier schools as my funding is 100% paid for.
My question: How were post grad fathers able to juggle doing school full time, be around so your kid at least knows your face, still have time for yourself and the Mrs. AND pull a competitive GPA and GRE? Or, am I just complaining for nothing and need to dig in more?

The Alexis Patterson case has some similarities to the Asha Degree case as she was also thought to have runaway after an upsetting event. Family involvement is also suspected.
7 year old Alexis Patterson was in the first grade at Hi-Mount Community School and resided less than one block away with her mother and stepfather, Ayanna and LaRon Bourgeois, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
The day before her disappearance, Alexis’ mom and stepbrother went to the Jewel-Osco grocery store to purchase cupcakes for her class. However, it was reported that since Alexis didn’t complete her homework, she would no longer be allowed to take the cupcakes to school the following day. Alexis was reportedly upset about this as she had been counting on taking them to school the day she disappeared.
Usually, Alexis’ stepfather doesn’t take her to school, but on May 3, 2002, he did. At 7:40 AM, Alexis’ stepfather, LaRon walked her to Hi-Mount Community school. LaRon said that he watched Alexis walk towards the playground before he headed back to their residence. Although students reported seeing her crying on the playground before and after school, Alexis never attended classes during the day. She was carrying a pink Barbie doll book bag and was wearing white Nike high-top tennis shoes, a purple blouse and blue jeans. She has never been heard from again.
Ayanna and LaRon were not notified about Alexis' absence until after her school dismissed in the afternoon. During the search, 3 days after her disappearance, Milwaukee Chief of Police stated he felt Alexis ran away due to the disagreement over the cupcakes that morning she went missing. However, she does not have a history as a runaway and had a perfect attendance record at school prior to her disappearance.
The surrounding areas were searched immediately after Alexis was reported missing. Investigators canvassed nearby Washington Park while divers searched its lagoon. Authorities focused on numerous areas but no evidence was discovered at any of the locations. By May 14th, Investigators announced that Alexis disappeared under suspicious circumstances and reclassified her case from a missing child to a criminal investigation.
Witness Reports
One week before Alexis’ disappearance, teachers had seen her talking with a “random lady” outside of the school. Her mother spoke with her about not talking with strangers. Two days later, the same woman was seen outside the school trying to talk with Alexis again. Some of Alexis’ classmates later reported to police there was a red truck parked outside of the school for about a week, that sat in the parking lot and did not pick up or drop off any student. The red truck was no longer seen again once Alexis was reported as missing. It has not been identified and it is unknown if it is connected to her case.
The Other Missing Girl
Much like the Asha Degree case, Alexis received heavy local media coverage in her city and search efforts. For months, volunteers would search the city daily for Alexis. Utilizing K-9 units, they walked down paths and through buildings, and looked around local bodies of water. Then, on June 5, 2002, 14 year old Elizabeth Smart’s missing person case took precedence nationwide; A white 14 year old girl who was abducted from her bedroom in Utah. Elizabeth received coverage within hours of the reporting of her disappearance. It took 8 days for Alexis’ story to attract attention outside of Milwaukee, with a segment on America’s Most Wanted. Unfortunately, all coverage for Alexis was significantly reduced, with only around 67 reports on Alexis, and over 400 for Elizabeth. There was a FBI reward for $250,000 for Elizabeth Smart, while there was only $10,000 reward for Alexis Patterson.
Alexis, found?
In 2016, a man named Joshua Miller, from Bryan, Ohio, contacted the Milwaukee Police Department with claims that his ex wife, Lisa Miller, may be the missing Alexis Patterson. There were several interesting elements as to why he believed Lisa may be Alexis, there were also some striking similarities between the two. The only problem was there was a huge age discrepancy as Lisa was seven years older than Alexis would have been. Additionally, Lisa did not believe she was the missing Alexis Patterson. She provided her passport, birth certificate and other supporting documentation to law enforcement to prove this. The DNA test that officials took revealed there was no match. Even with the negative result DNA test that was administered through law enforcement, Ayanna still believed Lisa was her daughter, Alexis.
Alexis' biological father, Kenya Campbell, was imprisoned in Milwaukee at the time of her disappearance. He was released shortly afterwards and cooperated with authorities. Years later in 2014, he plead guilty to two counts of child abuse, and recklessly causing great bodily harm after another daughter of his, an 8-month-old child, was admitted to the emergency room at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin. He smashed her head. Broke her jaw. Cracked her rib. Lacerated her liver. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison.
Alexis's stepfather has a criminal history as well, he had a history of drug abuse and dealing. Most notably, on October 28, 1994, he was the getaway driver for a bank robbery which resulted in a Glendale Police Officer, Ronald Hedbany, being shot and killed. LaRon was granted immunity for his testimony. The Milwaukee Police Department did double down on LaRon and Ayanna, which is typical due to starting the search from within with family.
LaRon also failed a polygraph test specifically certain elements regarding whether or not he has knowledge of Alexis’ whereabouts. On April 15, 2003, LaRon was charged with battery and disorderly conduct over allegations of abusing Ayanna. In the criminal complaint, Patterson said Bourgeois had been selling drugs and “pimping several other women”. Ayanna described LaRon as abusive and threatening towards her, and he was ordered to stay away from her. The criminal charges were later dropped, however. Former sheriff of the Milwaukee County Sheriff’s Office, David Clarke, believes LaRon was involved, but says the authorities haven’t been able to prove it with the evidence they’ve uncovered. He feels that Alexis was never dropped off at school, or on school grounds the morning she disappeared.
LaRon and Ayanna divorced in 2005. He would go onto remarry, and in 2021, LaRon and his wife, Michelle Bourgeois, were found deceased in their home, by a relative. It was said that the cause of death was determined to be from a drug overdose.
Foul play is suspected in Alexis Patterson’s case, and her mother, Ayanna still believes she is alive. Her disappearance remains unsolved.

Our neighbors have a pristine grass lawn. We, on the other hand, want to remove as much of our grass lawn as possible so we've replaced large sections of it with flower beds. In these beds we planted wildflowers. So there a large sections of our yard that look like a bunch of dead stuff this time of year (early spring in Ohio) and have looked that way for roughly the last 6 months. One edge of a flower bed connects to our neighbors lawn - they pointed out that our flowers were infecting their lawn so we put in a layer of bricks as a barrier. No one said anything to us after this so we thought the problem was solved. We also have 2 giant oak trees in our yard so we decided to pile the leaves that fell in the fall season on our new flower beds like mulch. Some leaves blew into neighboring yards but we thought nothing of it. And no one said anything, or left any notes so we didn't think it was a problem. A few days ago I saw my neighbor mowing when I got home from work so I waved. We hadn't interacted at all for at least 6 months so I thought that would be it. But, he stopped his mower to yell across his lawn and mine that I need to " take care of my fucking leaf collection. There are going to be holes in his lawn now and everyone in the neighborhood is pissed and haven't I seen his wife out here blowing the leaves out of their lawn?" I was shocked and replied that I had no idea that this was a problem, and no I hadn't noticed his wife doing extra work. I said I would take care of it before scurrying into my house. AITA for 1) not understanding that leaves blowing into their yard would kill some of their grass and 2) not noticing the extra work they were doing to remove the leaves that blew into their yard from ours?

Here's the story. Last week this Atlantic article was posted on neoliberal :
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/03/south-korea-fertility-rate-misogyny-feminism/673435/
The original version of the article included this startling claim:
Indeed, a 2016 survey by the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family found that 62 percent of South Korean women had experienced intimate-partner violence, a category that included emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, as well as a range of controlling behaviors.
Many users here fixated on this claim, and the comments section was full of disparaging comments about Korean men. The only problem? The statistic turns out to be completely bogus. It appears to result from a misleading translation in the english-language version of the Ministry's report (the correction notice on the Atlantic article tells a different story about the source of the error, but I don't believe them), which you can find here:
http://www.mogef.go.keng/lw/eng_lw_s001d.do?mid=eng003&bbtSn=704933
Here's the key section:
Spousal violence
□ Prevalence of Spousal violence
○ The study surveyed the victimization and perpetration of physical, psychological, economic, and sexual violence among married men and women over the age of 19.
○ As for women, 12.1% had been victims of spousal violence in the last year: 3.3% being physical, 10.5% psychological, 2.4% economic, and 2.3% sexual violence. 9.1% of women reported that they had perpetrated spousal violence.
○ As for men, 8.6% had been victimized by their spouse in the last year: 1.6% physical, 7.7% psychological, 0.8% economic, and 0.3% sexual violence. 11.6% of men reported that they had perpetrated spousal violence.
○ 18.1% of women were initially victims of spousal violence within the first year of marriage and 44.2% after the first year but within the first five. 62.3% of women experienced violence within the first five years of marriage, and 2.0% before the marriage.
Someone not critically thinking too hard might look at that last point and interpret it as saying that 62.3% of all Korean women have been abused. But that's not what it's saying -- it's saying that, of women who've been abused, 62.3% of them were abused in the first five years of their marriage.
There are several giveaways for why this is the correct interpretation: first, it's prima facie implausible that considerably more than 62.3% of Korean men abuse their wives, given that Korea has an extremely low violent crime rate. Second, there's basically no way to get from a 12.1% annual abuse rate to a 62.3% rate over five years -- this implies that wife-beaters in Korea have zero recidivism! (I was mass downvoted for pointing this out in the original thread). Third, the report doesn't mention how many men start abusing their wives after five years, an omission that would be inexplicable unless the authors of the report assume the reader can easily deduce this figure for themselves by subtracting the other numbers from 100%.
I subsequently confirmed my suspicions by google translating the original, Korean-language version of the report, available here:
http://www.mogef.go.kmp/pcd/mp_pcd_s001d.do?mid=plc504&bbtSn=83
On pages 91-92 of the Korean-language version of the report, it's absolutely clear that the 62.3% figure is not intended as a proportion of all Korean women. These are the figures presented there:
First experienced abuse before marriage: 2.0%
First experienced abuse in first year of marriage: 18.1%
First experienced abuse in years 2-5 of marriage: 44.2%
First experienced abuse in first five years of marriage: 62.3%
First experienced abuse after five years of marriage: 35.7%
Note that these figures sum to 100%. On page 92, the report gives similar figures for men who've been abused, which also sum to 100%. If there was any remaining doubt I'm right about this, my interpretation was also confirmed by a Korean-speaking neoliberal user who read the original report.
What's the correct figure for how many Korean women have experienced abuse? Well, since The Atlantic fixed their error after I contacted them, you can find it in the current version of the article:
A 2021 study by the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family found that 16 percent of South Korean women had experienced some kind of intimate-partner violence—a category that included emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, as well as a range of controlling behaviors.
I found this figure in the Hankyoreh, a Korean newspaper, and sent it to The Atlantic:
https://english.hani.co.karti/english_edition/e_national/1056632.html
So The Atlantic was originally off by a factor of 4. Oh, and a 16% combined emotional/physical/sexual abuse rate is actually extremely low by international standards -- the analogous figure for American women is more than twice as high! Whoops. Sorry, Koreans, we accidentally printed misinformation smearing you as a bunch of wife-beaters for our millions of readers. Don't worry, though, I'm sure this type of thing has never caused problems for any ethnic group in the past.
I feel obliged to add that neoliberal did not cover themselves in glory in the thread on this article. Just to be clear, guys, comments insinuating that Asians are all backwards, patriarchal abusers are racist. So are comments about how Korean women should ditch Korean men and maybe find love overseas (with a white guy?) instead. I have Korean friends who are devoted, loving husbands, they don't deserve to be maligned like this. It almost seems like the users here will tolerate any amount of racism so long as it's packaged with enough misandry: "Its not Koreans that are the problem, it's those pesky Korean men." Not okay guys. Feminism is not an excuse for bigotry.

TLDR Ai summarized- I come from an abusive family and I married my boyfriend as a means of escaping the abuse. Now married my husband has his own issues, including alcohol and drug addiction, as well as anger problems. When I cheated on him before we got married, he became physically abusive towards me. Despite this, I stayed with him because I feared I would commit suicide if I left him. 2 years in found out I was pregnant. Throughout my pregnancy, I suffered miscarriages and abuse. Now, my husband has been jobless and smoking weed pens every day since November 2021. I feel like my mind and body are deteriorating due to the emotional and verbal abuse I have been enduring. Help
I come from an abusive family, marriage was my escape from it. I was the oldest of 10 kids, homeschooled at 14. I was looking for the attention my parents never gave me. My mother was a bipolar narcissist and cheated on my dad many times throughout their marriage, my dad a workaholic and alcoholic because of his problems with my mom. When I was 15 a 30 year old male neighbor started to groom me, thankfully I never lost my virginity to him. I also became suicidal and depressed because of how I was treated at home.
When I turned 16 August 2017, my husband then boyfriend 22 started talking to me. Our relationship was a secret. My parents normalized a lot of behavior that isn’t normal, so any red flags in my husband I did not see, or I simply looked past. My mom wasn’t supportive of my relationship when she found out because I feel that she felt like she was going to lose a good slave of hers.
Husbands short backstory- Car crash coma around 2014, he won money from it a few months before we got married. He has had headaches everyday since then. He smoked cigarettes, switching to vapes in 2018, then weed vapes around 2021. He also had alcohol problems but has stopped drinking around fall of 2021
My relationship turned sexual June 2018 with my bf and I started birth control. During that time he started working on the road. I wasn’t getting my attention I desired so I started talking to other people, I ended up cheating on him in August 2018 which was also when I started college. A few days after I cheated he came back to town. We had sex, and both of us started experiencing some flu like symptoms that later went away. But during that time he kept asking me if I cheated, I denied but then confessed. He tossed me around and hit me a couple times. I stayed because I felt like I was worthless and didn’t want to have my means of escaping my family to be gone. After he found out about what I did, he started to be verbally abusive towards me and tried to get vengeance but it didn’t work out.
I truly felt that if I broke up with him, that I would’ve committed suicide. April 2019, we got married. I was a few months shy of turning 18, but it was my escape. In May I finished my second trimester then quit college, and then we left on the road for his work. During this time I found things on his phone that he’d be in prison for. I kept telling him that if he kept doing what he was doing I’d leave him. Each time he confessed to me weeks later. Other times he’d physically abuse me for confronting him. He also picked up a really bad alcohol addiction in my opinion. He said it helped him fall asleep, and he’d piss the bed for months. I never shamed him for it.
I quit snooping on his phone to stop our fights. But then his treatment turned worse towards me. He’d always gaslight me and I thought I was losing my mind. I had no friends. I was isolated. I started doing photography on the side to make money, I never asked him for money but when he gave it he’d use it against me which made me strive harder to be independent. 2020 Covid hit. Our relationship was still the same. I never felt loved, or cherished by him. Food was my comfort during this time and I gained weight because of it. He’d always make fun of me. I never felt like a priority. He had a couple different contracts on the road that year.
December 2020 we were back home and I stopped taking birth control because I didn’t like the side effects. That same month I found out I was pregnant. He wasn’t happy. I had hyperemsis gravidarum during this time and lost over 50lbs. My husband was angry at me for not doing all of my wifely duties. My father called me a lot during this time because of his marriage problems. One night my husband got angry and he physically abused me. It was March 2021 I was 15 weeks along, a few days after the abuse I found out that I miscarried. I delivered alone because he kept complaining about his headaches, not being able to drink alcohol, and how uncomfortable the hospital was. I was depressed, and stayed in the relationship.
We went back on the road in May. I got pregnant again at the end of June 2021. But I miscarried a few days later, I think it was because of CBD gummies he gave me a few weeks before. I never took alcohol or drugs since. I told myself that I’d be leaving him within 6 months because of his verbal and emotional abuse towards me. His job ended in November. We went back home.
January 2022 I found out I was pregnant. He wasn’t happy. My entire pregnancy I was mistreated. I was sick like a dog with hyperemsis gravidarum. He’d force me to clean up around the house. I finally was able to eat food after 17 weeks. His attitude never changed towards me my entire pregnancy.
From November 2021 he has been jobless, and smoking weed pens every single day. He makes a lot of excuses to not do anything. He wants me to put all of the effort in everything. He’s still verbally and emotionally abusive. The last time I was physically abused was December 2022 and I told him I’d call cops if he dared to again. My mind and body feels like it’s deteriorating. He doesn’t see the urgency of getting back to work. He has a huge stash of guns, and threatened to shoot me once.
I’m sick and tired. I know I deserve better. How do I leave? What do I do?

Here I am sitting in a dark room opening my laptop preparing myself to a watch a video I recorded from our home, I wasn't ready for it I knew something was not right ever since she began working for that guy, I inhale deeply a let out a huge sigh and pointed the cursor to the video file and watched.
​
I was right she was having an affair, my world came crashing down as I watched her fucking that guy in our house in our own bed the worse part is she was enjoying every second of it everytime that asshole rammed her inside out I can her expresion being elated, I've never seen her expression like that before everytime I do it with her she just looks bored, she was drowning in pleasure moaning like there was no tomorrow.
​
I hated it, my anger kept rising as continued watching, to the point that I could only see red, why has she done something like this? have I not been a good husband? everything she asked for I always gave to her, everytime she wants a time with me I spend it with her, why? why? WHY!?
​
Was it my fault?
​
It wasn't like this there were times when both of us would be happy with each others company, I met my wife Shoko when were still in college, I confess to her the first day of school because I was mesmerized by her beauty, I thought she would reject me but to my surprised she said yes, I was so happy that I felt I floating in cloud 9 and shouted in joy.
​
Ever since then we've been together after graduation I took job and started working hard a year later I proposed to her and showed her a ring, a ring that I worked hard for her, with tears in her eyes she accepted my proposal and we got married the next year, It was the happiest moment of our lives, I thought it would last forever, I thought we'd be together forever but fate itself has something in store for me.
​
3 years in our marriage Shoko decided she wanted to work, then and there I shouldn't have agreed, but I wasn't the type of person who is controlling, we weren't poor we also wasn't rich, we live a perfectly balanced normal life, I can easily provide for the both use but she wanted to help somehow so without hesitation I agreed.
​
She began working a couple of months later, but as the days goes I noticed she started to become more and more distant and cold and before I knew she began to come how late at night, when she was still a housewife she would cook for both of us her cooking was delicious and it was the many reasons I wanted to go home early so I can taste her homemade cooking, but nowadays I just eat microwave meals.
​
From time to time she do have off days but it seems she's still focus on working and can't stop messaging on her phone, I've invited her to go eat sometimes and flat out rejects me telling me I should just eat by myself, her personality started to change she became more and more detest towards me and she wouldn't allow me touch her anymore everytime ask to the deed with her she just tell me to use my hand and the way she looks at me is like looking someone who jsut failed in life.
​
Her love for me is gone, but still I didn't lose hope that maybe one day she'll open up to me again and our love with each other would be rekindled, but I think I was just hoping for nothing.
​
One day I came home only to see an unfamiliar shoes in the hallway pretty sure it wasn't mine, as I walk in I saw Shoko talking to guy she introduced me to him, his name was Mr.Akizaki Shoko's boss guy was good looking, I mean I'm not gonna lie I was good looking too, but this guy could be an actor just disguising as a business man on how good looking he is.
​
Everytime Shoko talks about him I could see the spark on her eyes as if she was talking to someone she's been in love with for a very long time, I know because she used to look at me like that, her and Mr. Akizaki seems like very close friend, but I noticed something for a guy who's all about business he's clothing seems to be in disorder and my wife also look the same and they both out of breath.
​
I soon realize something was off after her boss left I asked her what was going on and she told me nothing happened, she scoffed at me and told me that she was just being hospitable to her boss and she can't believe I'm being suspecious about her and asked me "What's the matter with you?" I asked her the same thing but she just told me she doesn't want to argue anymore and went to take a bath and went to sleep.
​
I knew something was going on and I'm not going to wait for it much longer the next day my off day and while she was working I bought several suvaillance equipment, cameras, recorders, nanny cams the whole shebang and started putting them in discreet locations after everything was ready I waited.
​
And here I am watching them cheating behind my back recorded everything I couldn't help it and just started crying not of sorrow but of anger and resentment, I was so angry I was ready to march and scream at her but I didn't, I stopped myself and calmed down and called a good friend of mine to talk about it and have a drink.
​
At the bar:
​
"She did what!?"
​
my friend screamed when he heard the story, Keisuke Nato is good friend of my mind, no he's a like brother to me, we've been togther since middle school and always there when I needed some company to drink with.
​
"So what are you gonna do?"
​
"I don't know...I-I just don't know" as I drink the whole glass of whiskey to drown my sorrow
​
"Well you have the recordings, why not hire a lawyer? sue them both for damages squeeze them dry you know"
​
"It's just that easy those 2 can easily pay me from the money they're worked for, no I want them to taste karma, I want them to feel something to the point they won't be doing that shit until they die" I poured another whiskey to my glass
​
"Hmmm...so what are you planning"
​
"...."
​
At this point I have no idea what to do, as continued drinking something caught my attention I saw a guy in black, he looks like one of those hitman guys in the movie, he had suitcase with him and then started to call someone and said "Job's done" and then lightbulb.
​
"I have an idea"
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"Oh really?" Keisuke questioned
​
"Yeah I teach those 2 a lesson they would never forget, I lesson about fear"
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"And how in the world would you achieved that?"
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"Do you still have "those" guns?" I asked
​
"Yeah it's still there"
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"Give them to me even the bullets"
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"Whoa! you're not planning to shoot them right? I mean those things aren't even real they're just replicas it can't be chambered with real bullets those guns are specifically made to fire blank ones, those are prop guns"
​
"Exactly" I exclaimed "Listen this is my plan..."
​
I told Keisuke everything and I could see a wicked smile forming from his face and then we both started laughing like maniacal villains people where looking at use weirdly but I just don't give a shit, cause my perfect revenge is about to begin.
​
I waited for the day my wife would go on those company retreat, after several days she told me that her company is going out of town to a well know hot spring.
​
"I won't be home the next week, so don't even trying calling me while I'm there I'll be relaxing with some friends, I don't need you to call me every minute"
​
"Whatever" I just responed coldly to her
​
Days later she then left, I called Keisuke and brough the guns to my home.
​
"So where are we making these secret room of yours?"
​
My plan is to make a secret room where I can hang those guns and make it look like a room of a hitman, I remember out closet has these empty space that covered up and decided to use it.
​
For a couple of ours both me Keisuke started working ripping walls, nailing woods, painting etc, a few days later our job was done and the room looks glorious like it came out from a movie set or something.
​
"Whew dude this looks legit" Keisuke added
​
"I know"
​
"So did it work?"
​
"Oh yeah, she's suspecious of me"
​
Before all of this to make sure that my "Hitman" persona looks legit I purposely left some vague and cryptic cluse around the house, to make it look like I've been sloppy one of those was a briefcase full of pictures of wanted men, mugshots, wanted posters, some traget pics etc, I love the look of bewilderment look on her face when she first saw it.
​
I've also asked Keisuke to send me some letters through mail, Shoko has a habit in retrieving mails, she hands me some of those letters Keisuke made in black enveloped and I could see a curious looked on her face
​
Left some "bloodied" clothes in the washer which she obviously saw but refuse to elaborate on it and now she's been looking at me wary.
​
Also I acted like I recieved anonymous call from someone in the middle of the night, but it was Keisuke I asked him to call me in a specific time of the night were Shoko was still awake, I'm pretty sure she heard me talk like "Considered it done" or "You won't be worrying about that man anymore Mr made-up-name here" couldn't help but laugh from time to time and I'm sure she's starting to wonder what is happening cause it's bothering her.
​
A few months later I was preparing to go to work actually I'm on leave but Shoko doesn't know and then asked her a favor
​
"Shoko a friend of mine will come here to pick something up I don't have time can you kindly give it to him, its a black gym bag upstairs in the closet"
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"Yeah sure I'll give it him" she replied
​
I can see the look of anxiousness on her face, it's working, I said my goodbyes and left and went to the bar me and Keisuke would go frquently and looked at the surveillance camera at home as both of us started drinking enjoying something that's about to unfold.
​
I could see Shoko pacing back and forth mumbling to herself about me changing and being so shady, a few moments later she heard a knock on the door, she opened it and lo behold a bald man wearing a black suit and shades was at the door, I could hear Shoko shriek when she saw the man standing in front of the door.
​
"Where did you find that guy again" I asked Keisuke
​
"Oh Manza he's good friend mine, we work togther in construction before a real gentle giant but has a very intimidating aura"
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"Oh does he know the plan?"
​
"Don't worry I laid it out for him"
​
Shoko's POV:
What the hell!? who's this bald guy? is this Shinji's friend? I didn't know he has such friend!?
​
"....."
"Uhmmm...c-can I help you?"
​
"I'm to pick up something from your husband"
​
"Oh right the bag uhmm wait one moment"
​
I hurridly went to the bed room to fetch Shinji's bag, what is going on here, first those briefcases with mugshot of criminals and other people with targets on them and then those black envelopes and then those bloodied clothes in the washer, what is Shinji involved to? is there something he hasn't told me? I need to hurry and give the bag so he can leave, where is it?
​
Shinji's POV
​
Shoko entered the bedroom and started to frantically looking for the bag as she reach for the closet I execute a command on my laptop to slight make the door of the secret room open and sure enough I can see Shoko peeking and the look on her face was priceless, both me and Keisuke are having a blast like kids watching at a funny home video.
​
Shoko's POV
​
What the hell is this!? I didn't know there was a secret room inside our closet, what is happening here? I don't have time to investigate it, I grabbed the bag and went down stairs and handed it over to the bald man, before he can grab it for unknow reasons the content of the bag fell to the floor and I saw several bundle of cash in all 10,000 Yen, I was shocked to see a huge amount of money like that, the bald man shook his head and started picking up the money and looked at me and said.
​
"If I were I'd keep my mouth shut if you don't want any trouble"
​
All I could do is nod after, several minutes he said his goodbyes and left, I was shaken up, did my husband always have friends like that? but I'm more curious about that secret room in the closet, I decided to see what's on the other side.
​
Shinji's POV
​
"Looks like my skills in making props is still useful heh" Keisuke responded after seeing the whole cash of fake money spilling out
​
Keisuke once work in the entertainment business as Production Designer, he made a lot of stuff the look real but fake, I'm glad to have a friend like him with that kind of skills, because of that my charades will be undoubtedly believable.
​
"Hey! look your wife's entering the room again looks the cat got curious"
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"You know what to do"
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"Don't worry I'm ready" he then pull out a phone and dialed a number
​
Shoko's POV
​
God what the hell is this!? when did Shinji- guns!? this room looks like an office, there are some pictures of men on the wall, some maps, I don't even want to know what's inside those safes, is Shinji a hired killer or something!? oh god if he is one then- these guns look real, videos of people being torured? did he do all of these? oh no no no no, this must be a prank...right it's just a prank I think he's just trying to scare me. heh
​
oh no did he find out I was having an affair? shit...
​
wait a journal.
​
.....
​
Oh my god I can't believe this Shinji's a hitman!? when!? the journal detailed everything in how he killed his victims.
​
huh? what's this? it's about me
​
"October 7th
​
My wife has become cold and distant towards me, ever since she began working day by day I'm starting lose her, did I do something wrong? I was good husband provided her with everything she ever wanted, I never missed anything during special occasions and I did my best everything to make her happy, is she having an affair? is she cheating on me? I hid this 2nd life of mine from her because I want her to live normally but it she is cheating behind my back then I have no choice but to show her the real me...."
​
Oh no, what have I done? I don't want to die yet, I should just apologized and tell him the-
​
*You recieved one new message*
​
What!-oh it's just a voicemail, that scared me.
​
"Mr.Hayabusa I just want to thank you for getting rid of those men thanks to you business is booming, I already transfered some money in your account and a little bonus for making them suffer, I like the screams they make when you tortured have you seen the videos? I've sent them to you, anways thansk again and oh about your wife..."
​
About me!?
​
"If you think your wife is cheating on you I have a man ready to investigate her and follow her, just give me a call when you're interested, I'm sure we can quickly discover dirt on her and then you can punish her whenever you like"
​
No no no no no no! is this a dream this isn't happening is my husband really a hitman? has he killed people!? am I going to die!? I need to go out of here!
​
Shinji's POV
​
After Shoko entered the secret room I hurridly went home Keisuke told me she's in a state of panic and went down stairs after exiting the secret room, It seems my plan is working she can't tell the lie from the truth and that's fine by me all I had to do is just keep this charade up.
​
As enter the house I saw Shoko in front of the door, I can see the paranoia settling in and she suddenly hug me tight
​
"I love you! I love you! I love you!"
​
"Shoko what's the problem? you look tense as if you've seen a ghost"
​
"N-Nothing I just miss this can I hold you a bit longer"
​
"Of course" what a gullible bitch
And just like that Shoko did a 180 and became a loving wife again, I didn't know it would work like this I knew she had weak mind as she's easily get's persuaded, all I did was plant lies on her head and her weak mind accepted it without a hinch.
​
6 Months later....
​
Keisuke and I decide to met up and started drinking talked how our day was and how was everything
​
"So...how's life? how's Shoko doing?" he asked me
​
"You have no idea ever since that day she's been loyal as dog to me, everything I ask her to do she does it without any hesitation, she hasn't figured it out that all of it was just an elaborate lie to keep her in check"
​
"What about that Akizaki dude what happened to him?"
​
"Oh him, Shoko ended her relationship with him the day she left that company, I could hear her that night when she told her she's ending everything with him, erased his information from her phone and blocked him in every social media, but not before I copied everything from her phone just to be sure.
​
Shoko quit her job a week a later and has become a housewife again but she has become more paranoid than before.
​
I hired PI to investigate that Akizaki asshole and a month later the PI gave me a lot of receipt that I used to kicked that jerk out of his position by sending those to his bosses, what's worse Shoko wasn't the only one that fucker has been fucking, it seems he's been in bed with other co-workers and some his bosses wives, last I heard that guy is already in prison paying compensation with every money he earned."
​
"damn karma's a bitch"
​
"Yup"
​
"What about you? aren't you gonna divorced Shoko?"
​
"Not yet, I'm still using her as I see fit, she's a great onahole you know"
​
"Oh god don't tell me that"
​
"Don't worry as soon as I'm bored with her, I'm gonna sue her for everything but for now I'll just enjoy what little time I have with her"
​
"Touché"
​
*cling the sound of glass toasting"
​
The End

I just made those terms up, idk if theyre a real thing yet, because I have experienced with my wife a phenomenon that I have never met anyone else who could say they had experienced. Heres how it came about the first time.
About 4 years ago, for my wifes 27th birthday, she decided to celebrate she just wanted to get a nice airbnb somewhere secluded with nice views and a decent kitchen for the weekend and us just lay up and fuck and me cook for her all weekend. So we find a nice spot right on a small river where we could see the occasional kayaker from the bedroom window. The first night after I made her Venison Wellington with Wild Morril Mushroom Mushroom-Andouille Duxelles and we just hung out a little bit. Then after she changed into her nightwear and we were about to get started I made a statement just off the top of my head with no prior thought, just talking shit... I said, "I'm going to make you cum so much by the time we're done you'll be begging me to stop... I'm going to fuck you into a whole different person" well we got to fooling around and the stars aligned that it was a top performance night for me, sometimes I can have the problem of being a little too quick to finish because my wife is really really hot, but that night I hit perfect stride, didnt pop, stayed hard, it was money. I was coming off with improvised shit off the top of my head, like after cum number 2 she wanted to stop because she had to pee, and I literally made her pee in the bathroom floor. It kinda sounds weird in the retelling but in the moment it had that perfect amount of disgusted shame and humiliation that when you mix it just right with being sweet and tenderness ..... chefs kiss perfection.
So anyway I made her come like two more times and really hadnt given any thought at all to my shoot from the hip statement I had made earlier, and she was starting to get really like physically exhausted and began signaling wanting to stop. I usually am very attuned to her signals so it threw her off when I ignored her and so she was like "dude, I can't anymore, I just cant" [for the record we use safewords, so this wasnt a consent thing, she could have said "red" at anytime] and I said "no, I TOLD YOU..." and she got a confused look on her face and I said "I told you I was going to make you cum so hard so many times you would beg me to stop" [I get her off about 1 in 3 times we have PinV sex, so I usually consider myself lucky to get her off, multiples are rare, only happening 4-5x a year] and then I proceeded to hit 6th gear, turn my amplifyer up to 11, and "Like a Rock" by Bob Segar started playing in my brain and I got her off one more time before I collapsed from exhaustion. She couldnt really beg me to stop becausde she had lost the ability to form coherent human speech....
After I caught my breath I looked over at her and she had this wild crazy look in her eye, like her entire expression had changed. I remembered my shit talking statement earlier and quick inspiration came to me and I said, "well, hello there, whats your name? I'm ____, its nice to meet you" and without missing a lick she said "I'm Mercedes" [her name being Mercedes is an inside joke because when her mom was pregnant with her her grandma wanted her name to be Mercedes] and for like 10 minutes I swear I think it was a version of my wife from an alternate universe. Her expression was different, her voice sounded different, everything. Holy hell, I actually fucked my wife into an entirely different person.
After like 10 minutes she kinda slowly slid back into her prior self, and even kinda made comments that alluded to only recently returning to the current layer of space time. Since then, "Mercy" has made maybe 6 reappearances. Sometimes I get really excited that I have managed to summon her and I'll be like, "AH Mercedes, its so nice to see you again" and my wife will be like "nope, sorry, its me"
anyone else ever experienced anything like this?
TLDR-After boasting that I was going to fuck my wife into an entirely different person I may or may not have made her come so hard that her body reached transcendental state and an alternative version of her was pulled from a different layer of reality onto this plane of space-time for a short time period.

Tl;dr husbands shitty co worker
This is a question for the men out there- So my husband, baby and I just moved across the country because my husband got a new job. He was trying really hard to land this job because it pays really well in the long run and wants mroe for our family- although he already did have a healthy paying job.
I stay at home with my daughter, and probably always will unless we need the money. We’re trying to get pregnant now. So my husband really wanted this job but it required him to start an apprenticeship so he’s starting at the bottom and it’s a completely new field for him.
The “mechanic” he works along side with is extremely rude to him. Talks down on him, tries to make him feel dumb, and he is just a huge grump. Like, he genuinely wants to make my husbands life a living hell. My husband is naturally a really nice guy, and pretty easy to get along with. With all of that being said My husband can be a firecracker, he comes from a big family- but it doesn’t come out much these days. He is someone who knows how to stick up for himself. Anyways, this guy makes his life hell. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
The job they’re doing isn’t the safest job and he makes me husband feel dumb for asking questions. This is besides the point - everything my husband does is for our family and he plays it off like it’s fine but I know it’s gotta suck going to work to that everyday. It’s only those two all day- so I want to show him and be supportive and just kind of help him through this. It’s hopefully only another few months with this guy. May I add, my husband is not dumb- he’s constantly fixing things in our house, fixing every issue with our car wether he knows how to or not. He’s an honest problem solver and has worked with his hands for the past 12 years now. So husbands, put yourself in his shoes, how can your wife aid in making your over all situation better? And yes, I cook dinner usually before he even gets home. Lol

This is a question for the men out there- So my husband, baby and I just moved across the country because my husband got a new job. He was trying really hard to land this job because it pays really well in the long run and wants mroe for our family- although he already did have a healthy paying job.
I stay at home with my daughter, and probably always will unless we need the money. We’re trying to get pregnant now. So my husband really wanted this job but it required him to start an apprenticeship so he’s starting at the bottom and it’s a completely new field for him.
The “mechanic” he works along side with is extremely rude to him. Talks down on him, tries to make him feel dumb, and he is just a huge grump. Like, he genuinely wants to make my husbands life a living hell. My husband is naturally a really nice guy, and pretty easy to get along with. With all of that being said My husband can be a firecracker, he comes from a big family- but it doesn’t come out much these days. He is someone who knows how to stick up for himself. Anyways, this guy makes his life hell. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
The job they’re doing isn’t the safest job and he makes me husband feel dumb for asking questions. This is besides the point - everything my husband does is for our family and he plays it off like it’s fine but I know it’s gotta suck going to work to that everyday. It’s only those two all day- so I want to show him and be supportive and just kind of help him through this. It’s hopefully only another few months with this guy. May I add, my husband is not dumb- he’s constantly fixing things in our house, fixing every issue with our car wether he knows how to or not. He’s an honest problem solver and has worked with his hands for the past 12 years now. So husbands, put yourself in his shoes, how can your wife aid in making your over all situation better? And yes, I cook dinner usually before he even gets home. Lol

I live in a modest house right on the edge of a large forest in Arkansas. I live with my wife and a German shepherd named Kaiser who is a retired police dog. I'm an active police officer and he was formerly my partner in the field. Since retiring and coming home to my family, he's always been quite the paranoid dog. Often, he would wake up in the middle of the night and walk to the back door, and growl at something. We live in a pretty rural area, so I would always check to make sure there wasn't a problem.
On some nights, he would remain on guard at the back door all night. He would never walk out, though. Even if I gestured for him to come outside with me to check if there was anybody outside, he would refuse and appear concerned. Once morning came, he was back to normal as if nothing was bothering him. But over time, his behavior began to change. He less frequently wanted to sleep in the bed with my wife and me and he stopped getting the zoomies altogether. We took him to the vet and she said he was likely experiencing depression.
The vet recommended a few things that we started doing to help Kaiser. I'm a member of the bomb squad and Kaiser was a bomb-sniffing dog. So, every once in a while, I'd hide a decoy in the house and order him to find it. I would also exercise him more. My wife and I are active runners and we started taking him with us. Both of these things seemed to make him much happier, but it still didn't solve the issue of him laying at the back door every night.
I decided to install another security camera that would look directly at the back porch and I started leaving the back porch light on each night to see if I could catch anything. The first few weeks saw no activity. Kaiser would still do his routine, but there was never anything outside. That was until one cold and snowy night in January. It was eleven at night and I hadn't gone to sleep yet. I had my laptop open on the counter with the live feed of the back porch camera on. Weirdly, I noticed a dog appear behind my house and lay down below the steps up to the porch. The camera feed was fuzzy, so I couldn't make out the breed, but I could tell it wasn't a small dog.
I called my wife down the come look at it. "What the hell is some random dog coming to sleep under our porch for?" she said.
"I'm not sure, but this has to be why Kaiser's been acting so weird."
"Are you gonna go out there?"
"Probably not, I'm not sure if he's friendly. I'll give it a few days and see if he comes back." I looked back at Kaiser and he was standing at attention with his ears perked up. I reassured him everything was okay and tried to get him to come upstairs with my wife and me, but he still would leave the back door.
Unsurprisingly, as the next night came, the dog returned. Then the next night, he returned. Finally, when he returned the fourth time in a row, I decided I'd go out to check on him. Not knowing if he was friendly, I got the handgun and flashlight from my nightstand and kissed my wife.
"Get ready to call animal control if he turns out not to be friendly," I said.
"You're taking the gun with you, is that even gonna be necessary?"
"This is my last resort, the last thing I wanna do is shoot a dog."
Once again, Kaiser refused to come outside with me. I could hear the rustling from under the porch when the dog heard me step onto the porch. I left the door cracked just in case Kaiser wanted to walk out with me. I called the dog a few times but he didn't come out. I could hear him moving, but I couldn't hear any clanging from key chains on a collar.
After a few minutes of trying to call the dog out, I walked down to the grass and try to look under the porch. I shined the flashlight under the porch and saw him laying down as far back as he could. He appeared to be an English mastiff, but he was quite dirty. I tried calling him out but he stayed still staring at me. I went inside and got some of Kaiser's food. Surprisingly, he came out when I offered it to him. Once I stepped back away from the bowl, he began to eat.
As I looked closer at him, I noticed quite a few scars and bruises on him. This dog was trying to get away from an abuser. But where could he be coming from? I know all of my neighbors and their dogs and none of them are English mastiffs. I decided to would just try to take care of this dog for now. Once he was finished eating the food I offered him, he went back to laying down under the porch and I took the bowl back inside.
I kept watching the camera feed for about an hour before I went to bed and he never walked out from under the porch. I went under the porch on the morning after and the dog wasn't there. My wife and I decided to name him Buck for the time being until we figured out his real name and who owned him.
This continued for a few nights. I'd bring him some food, he'd come out from the porch just to eat, I'd go back inside, and he'd be gone by the morning. My wife recommended calling animal control to get him out, but I decided not to since he wasn't causing any problems.
After about a week, Buck let me sit next to him while he was eating. He was a bit skittish when I tried to pet him, but he allowed it. But then something even more strange happened the night after that. Buck brought a friend. A blond lab that my wife and I named Charlie. Charlie also had scars and bruises. Weirdly, Kaiser decided to come out with me this time and greet Buck and Charlie. I tried to get Buck and Charlie to come inside so they didn't have to sleep in the cold, but they refused.
My concern was growing high at this point. I knew these dogs were getting abused and that infuriated me. But they refuse to come into my house and would always go back to wherever they were coming from. So, I decided instead of trying to keep them at my house, I'd follow them to whatever they considered home. The next night, I put on my police gear, grabbed my shotgun and flashlight, and waited for the dogs to walk away. When they finally left, around two in the morning, I quickly followed, as did Kaiser.
I kept my phone on me with GPS location turned on so I wouldn't get lost. I searched through the forest for about an hour with no sign of anything. Kaiser was constantly on alert. I knew he was stressed, but he'd been through a lot in his life already, so I knew he was confident. After an hour and about a mile away from the house, I noticed a faint light through the trees.
I kept Kaiser close while we made our way closer to the light. It seemed to get dimmer the closer we got. When we finally reached the location, the light was already out. What we came across looked like a sinkhole with some sort of cave-like opening and an artificial path so you could walk in and out of the hole.
Despite my better judgment, I walk down the path into the sinkhole, Kaiser following skittishly behind me. I shined my flashlight all around the bottom and noticed there was something buried under a pile of leaves. Kaiser started smelling around and he went digging through the leaves. To my horror, he found Charlie nearly dead. He appeared to still be breathing, but he had a huge gash cutting across his torso. I wanted to do something, but it looked far too bad to be helped. Kaiser was whining and looked back at me, his ears plopping down. Rest in peace, Charlie.
I couldn't let whoever was doing this continue. Kaiser didn't want to leave Charlie, but I had to keep him near me so it didn't happen to him, too. We began walking into the cave. My flashlight was still the only light. The smell in this cave was beyond bad. I know what a dead body smells like, and this was far worse.
I began to hear sounds coming from the cave. Kaiser was starting to get more tense, as was I. As we got further down, I could start to make out the noises more clearly. Dogs were whining and barking. The cave started to take shape and look more like a dungeon. I reached the end. There were tons of cages with multiple dogs in each cage. As I walked through, all the dogs turned to me. I couldn't imagine what kind of sick freak would be doing this.
A loud, blood-curdling scream came from the end of a hallway. All the dogs stopped barking, just quietly whimpering. I shined the flashlight in the direction of the scream. It didn't sound human. I walked down, ready to shoot a freak. I turned the corner, and what I saw sent me into a living nightmare. It screamed again, almost deafening me. I shot.
My ears were ringing. I could faintly hear the dog begin barking again. I look behind me and Kaiser is standing, ready to receive an order. I give him the word to attack. I gather my bearings before calling Kaiser back. It was dead. It looked like some demented feline monster. Its ears were cut up, its face was mangled, and its teeth were gnarly.
It was about the size of a large dog, like a dingo or Great Dane, and hairless. But why and how could a creature like this organize a doggy dungeon like this? That was a question I didn't really want to know the answer to. All I knew was I had a bunch of dogs to rescue and get home.
I never found Buck, but I decided to bury Charlie in my backyard. If anybody would like to adopt a rescue and you live in Arkansas, I have plenty that are in desperate need of a home.

This may come across more like a vent but hoping for some perspective.
I’m a 36 year old man married to a 36 year old woman. Married 7 years, together 12 year. Two preschoolers in daycare and we both share household workload equally. Both working professionals medium/high stress jobs, financially secure. Decent communicators about household plans and kid stuff. We have an amazing intermingled and tight friend group, 5 other couples we all got together at the same time and had kids same age. From the outside we have a great life. And I really like the life we have.
But since kids (5+ years ago starting with first pregnancy) there is essentially zero affection, signs of love, not to mention sex. I feel insecure in the relationship. No words of affection. No “I love you’s,” “Goodnight” or “ how was your day” from her unless I say it first, and I have lost most of my interest or desire to show affection in the last year after the last few years of this getting little to zero from my wife. There is no enthusiasm. When she had it, it was early on, which involved a Long distance relationship, and it usually involved alcohol. Realized in therapy recently that any intimacy we have had came after drinking alcohol. Not just sex,-- cuddling, kissing, words of affection too.
We don’t share hardly any hobbies. We don’t even like watching the same TV, she won’t watch movies. We’ll sit on the couch and watch sports or HGTV or if we’re lucky a netflix/prime show we both like. I will admit to being conflict avoidant and feel substantially criticized by her for frankly nitpicky stuff increasingly over the years.
I’ve definitely been feeling resentful at the situation. I feel like we’re wasting the prime of our 30’s when we’re both physical in shape and still very attractive. Also periodically sad that this is what I dreaded would be my romantic life in my 30s if I got married.
I think we’re both so passive and non-initiators, for whatever reason, that we’re going to be stuck. I know I am very much to blame. I have always been super passive, and not experienced or comfortable initiating. I also seem to have some major issues with communicating personal/intimate issues with loved one– it’s something I am in therapy for. Same thing with being proactive/non passive in life– I just don’t initiate affection or intimacy easily. Which is terrible because I really need physical touch/affection to feel secure.
I know I need to work on taking charge because most of my life things have come naturally. But my wife is just as bad, she absolutely never brings up feelings or emotions or our relationship issues. So we just exist as coparents and roommates. No one says anything and I feel worse and worse and can’t bring myself to say anything, and I feel even worse if I think about the fact that she doesn’t say anything either so she either doesn’t care or similarly can’t bring herself to talk about anything serious about us. I worry we’re just naturally reactive/passive people and it’s not fair to force either of us to be what we aren’t.
Sex is non existent. Maybe 2-4 times a year in past two years. Multiple 1-2 year gaps during pregnancies and each kid’s first year. Sex was decreasing before kids, only picked up when we decided to try for a kid. The lack of sex, the lack of any enthusiasm or initiation from her over the years except in very rare alcohol laden situations has led me to lose nearly all of my own interest in trying. It’s definitely become an major issue I’ve dwelled on but have not spoken to her about it much. I’ve read about “responsive desire” and that could be something we both have but that’s just speculation. I felt like I had a high libido for most of my life, in the last 3-6 months its really dropped. I often think she’s a lesbian or asexual, which is unhelpful.
6+ months ago I was so upset about having no affection I decided to tell her how insecure I felt in the relationship and how I needed affection. I had to have some drinks to muster up the courage and then became a blubbering mess. She said she loved me and understood. Nothing has changed. Lack of sex is a problem but not even getting a kiss, or hugs or sitting next to each other on the couch is brutal. It makes me sad that our children are loved and experience affection from their parents but they don’t see their parents cuddling, kidding, etc.
So are we doomed? Did we ride the wave of new relationship energy and alcohol to get to where we are and now we don’t have crap? We’re both so passive, or scared to talk about serious issues, or we don’t care enough to– that clearly nothing will get better. I don’t feel comfortable asking about couples therapy (I get seriously freaked out and locked up thinking about mentioning it, just like any other serious relational/intimacy issue). Again, I know I’m to blame for doing nothing but I can’t get over the fact that she won’t do or say anything either, so I end up thinking why should I be the one to fix this? I probably have a long road ahead in therapy.

I am not the Original Poster. That is u/cluelessdadperhaps. He posted in AmItheAsshole.
Fun fact to cover up spoilers comes from u/QualifiedApathetic. They sent me this: Humans have just as many hair follicles per square inch as other great apes. Our body hair is just so much lighter and finer that it LOOKS like less. Also- you have stripes. They can sometimes be seen with a UV light. Your cat may be able to see them without help, since their vision extends into the UV spectrum.
Trigger Warning: Parental Death
Mood Spoiler: Communication wins out
Original Post: March 23, 2023
I’m a single dad to 3 daughters. This revolves around my middle, “Juliet” (17F). A few weeks ago, I took her shopping for her prom dress. She picked one that she absolutely loved and she truly looks like a princess.
Then, last week, she was very upset because she saw on Instagram that a classmate (not a friend, but someone in her grade) had bought the same dress, but in a different color. She tried asking the other girl to change and the girl (rightfully) told her no. I was sympathetic and let her vent, also adding that it was a different color so at the very least, it wasn’t too similar.
The issue is, Juliet has been trash talking the girl for the past week. This is very out of character for her, she’s never been a gossip. But I’ve heard her venting to her friends about it. I let it go because what does venting really matter?
Then I got a call from Juliet’s history teacher saying that she overheard Juliet talking poorly about this girl repeatedly. While the girl is not in the class and there’s no evidence of bullying, she is worried it’ll get there.
I sat Juliet down and said while I understand completely that this is frustrating and I may not get all that comes with dresses and such, this isn’t fair to the other girl. From what it seems, she didn’t purposefully do this to hurt her. I pointed out the different colors. Also offered to take her to return the dress and she could get another if having a unique dress was that important.
Juliet said that she shouldn’t have to get a new dress. She kept trash talking this girl. I finally told her “It’s a dress. Your feelings are valid but you need to stop being so dramatic and let it go.” This upset her and she left the room in tears. I tried talking to her about it but she stayed in her room.
My eldest (22F) told me I technically wasn’t wrong but I shouldn’t have said it.
I really try not to be a bumbling dad who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I learned all stuff related to raising girls, have always made it clear they can come to me for anything, etc. If I need to outsource a problem or they want a woman to talk to, they have their godmother (late wife’s best friend).
Was I the ass here?
Relevant Comment:
"Honestly, this is all very out of character for her. She’s never been one to care about fashion. I know sometimes her friends have worn the same outfits. She doesn’t normally buy anything relatively unique.
I don’t know if there’s some sort of prom dress culture? Or if something is going on? I know I’m her dad so maybe I’m biased, but this is brand new behavior."
OOP is voted NTA
Update (Same Post): 8 hours later
I want to thank everyone for your feedback and advice. Some of you suggested there is much more going on here and I agreed.
I sat down with Juliet again and said I standby my sentiment, but I also think there has to be more going on. As I said, it’s just a dress and this isn’t like her at all. Some of you suggested perhaps she had prior history with this girl. She said no, they don’t even really talk. They only follow each other on social media because “everyone follows everyone”.
I pushed more and asked why a dress was so important. She eventually admitted it wasn’t. Then went onto say that she’s felt weird about prom this whole time and her senior year overall. When I asked why, she started crying and said she missed her mom, she wished she was here, etc.
My wife passed when Juliet was 5 so she never truly had her for any of those big milestones that a girl would have with a mother. Watching her friends go through all these things with their mom reminded her that she doesn’t have one.
I gave her a big hug and held her while she cried. I cried a little myself. I knew that Juliet struggled with her mom’s death but had no clue it was still such an issue.
Once she calmed down, Juliet insisted that she hadn’t ever said anything to the girl but agreed to apologize for even asking her to change the dress. She also promised to stop talking junk. I told her next time to just talk to me about it. I miss her mom too. When my eldest was going through all these milestones her senior year, I definitely felt that someone was missing and that my wife should be there.
So crisis is over. I know some said to ban her from going to prom and if she had continued her behavior, I would’ve. But considering she’s going to apologize and is letting it go, I feel that’s an overreaction.

I 25M have been with my Wife 27F for the last five years. She comes from a very old school conservative Hispanic family we’re her feeling would never be validated and if her views went against her family they would outcast and make her feel like shit. Over the years she has had to deal with putting her feeling aside for the benefit of her family but they would never do the same for her. The five years I’ve been with my wife I’ve gotten to know her Sister 25F(SIL). From day one I’ve know the type of person my SIL is. My Wife would drop everything to help and be there for my SIL but she would never do the same for my wife. Whenever we would call her out on it or tell my MIL (56F)about it my wife would get called selfish, emotional, and just trying to cause a problem.
Quick side example of what I mean. My wife went off on her Mom and sister one day cause they kept on blowing up her phone during a busy day at work. After blowing up on them her mom and sister tagged teamed my wife and called her emotional, crazy and dramatic. A few days later my wife texted her sister during work hours and my SIL bitched at my wife saying that she should know not to text her when she is at work. #Doublestandards
So through the five years of being together there have been hundreds of similar stories at different severities. But what happened today pushed us to a point of possibly no return.
We are currently pregnant with our first child. My family live 6 hours away but my wife’s family lives only 20 minutes from us. We have made it a point over the last year to invite my SIL and her new boyfriend to intimate and family events and dates, but they never do the same for us. We understand everyone has busy schedule but my wife and I believe you make time for what is important to you. Since my SIL will be the Aunt our child lives nearest to we wanted to make sure we build a better relationship.
My wife decided to have a conversation with my SIL about this. My wife decided to tell her sister in a calm manner “hey I know we have busy schedules, but me and my husband feel that we have made a effort to invite and connect with you and your boyfriend, but you haven’t done the same for us. With the baby on the way we just want to make sure our relationship is strong and that we hang out whenever possible that works with all our schedules.”
After saying that my SIL begins to yell saying that we aren’t understanding of her and her boyfriend busy schedule. That we don’t ever empathize with her. Mind you my wife work 6 days a week and with my job depending on the week I can work a regular 9-5 5 days a week to at times 12-15Hrs days 7 days a week. We have busy schedules as well but still make the time for family when we can.
My SIL said that we had to be understanding of her life and that we are making a big deal out of nothing. We never went into the discusión wanting to fight we went in wanting to establish a better relationship. But from the way she was talking it seemed not only that she didn’t care to build a better relationship with my wife and I, but also didn’t care to build one with our child once she comes into this world.
My wife hurt from her sisters words walked out. To my wife she has made time to help her sisterwhenever she needed cash, take care of her dogs, support her through illness and heart ship and never got the same from her sister.
For my wife this was the last stray. She now doesn’t want to put the effort into her sister anymore and doesn’t want to invite her sister or her boyfriend to any more family event we host, she pretty much want to cut off my SIL.
As my wife said “I tired of putting effort In to people that aren’t willing to put that same effort back into me. I’m not gonna bring people into my child’s life who don’t care for them even if they are blood”.
Now we are nervous because we don’t know how her mother will react to our decision to pretty much cut my SIL out of our lives. Her mother has always taken my SIL side whenever we have spoken to her in the past, right or wrong my MIL will take my SIL side. Her reasoning is always the same. My SIL tried unaliving herself in middle school so now MIL think if she doesn’t take my SIL side and allow her to do what she wants to other family members then my SIL might try to do it again.
Family is important to my wife and I. We just wanted to make sure that the people we surround of child with are people who are as invested to her life as we are into theirs. We just ask for mutual respect and effort but feel we will never get it from the SIL so our only option is to cut the cord away from her and possibly the MIL depending on how she reacts or what side she takes.
Are we in the wrong here? 😓

I cannot hold it in any longer. I (32M) am a detective at a small town police station I have a daughter and a nephew who started staying over with me because his parents had to move out of the country for work.
The nephew behaves well enough and even helps me take care of my daughter and gives her company, she’s been very lonely after my wife’s death and I am glad she has a big brother now. But the problem is that he has these idiotic friends that hang out in my house very often and make loud and cringy jokes. That’s not even the worst part.
Recently they have started a garden on my property and my nephew has been buying seeds and planting them with my daughter. Each time we gather them I tell them “Great vegetables.” But the truth is they’re shit vegetables. Every time I try to eat them as a part of a meal I have to suppress the urge to uncontrollably vomit. The only person I have told about this is my assigned twink at the station.
I know it’s not easy adjusting with a new member in the house, but sometimes these things really get on my nerves and I can’t do anything because my daughter likes his company. My boy toy twink also thinks that I should just hold it in. What should I do?

I was working out in my front room/home gym, which is visible from the driveway, and I see two door to door jesus salesman types coming up the drive. They clearly see my wife working out on a stationary bike and me in just shirts and boxing gloves hitting a punching bag. They proceed to ring the bell anyway and I answer to be polite. I'm clearly sweating and breathing hard but they go right ahead.
I say I'm not interested thank you, have a nice day. They don't leave, they make some small talk about working out and whatever and then back to sell. I tell them I'm not someone who they're going to have any success with, trying to be polite but firm in convincing them to leave me alone.
Instead of taking that as a final answer, the guy asks me what happened? Is it because if a bereavement or other problem in the family? It isn't, I just don't believe in their nonsense, but the sheer gall to just casually bring that up uninvited at my front door. What if it had been a bereavement that I wasn't coping with well, how is that an appropriate way to bring it up.
I said no, you need to leave now you're wasting my time and I have already told you I'm not interested. I was so angry but kept it polite and smiled and said have a good day as they left. I hate it when the rude people make you feel like you're the rude person. I was brought up to be polite to everyone, invite them in for a drink, that sort of thing. But they wouldn't extend the same courtesy to me. You see I'm in the middle of exercising, just move on to the next house, or better yet stop going door to door pestering people.

Hey guys, my wife has been dealing with some medical issues and we have been diligently seeing docs for the past year with no results or answers. She wanted to try posting on here to see if we can get some new insight or perspective.
We've tried posting on Askdocs but not a single response....
​
Here's her post
Hi everyone. I am a 25 year old female who is considered about early stage Cushings Disease or possible malfunction of my pituitary or adrenal glands. Yes, I’ve been seeing several doctors before considering posting and understand that Reddit is not a source for medical advice. I’ve been to a neurologist (originally for Bell’s palsy as noted below) and got an MRI that revealed an enlarged pituitary gland. The neurologist doesn’t think anything is wrong and I had to push for testing on cortisol because he thought I had a thyroid problem even though I told him I was positive it would be cortisol. He’s now referred me to an endocrinologist after I asked for certain tests to be ordered and my cortisol came back high. If anyone could tell me what they think could be happening to me, I’d greatly appreciate it so I could know where to look since the neurologist has now referred me to an endocrinologist, but all the endocrinologist are booked until the end of July. I’ve been in a lot of pain which has resulted me in not being able to participate in social activities or go to the gym as often. Please find more details below:
Female, 25 years old
History:
PTSD since 2018
panic disorder, major depression, anxiety diagnosed prior to 2018
I was tested for Rheumatoid Arthritis in 2021 due to severe joint pain that caused me to quit work. Work was high stress with an unconventional schedule (would work closing and opening shifts while also working during the day). Docs did a blood test and concluded general arthritis.
Nov. 2021 Covid with memory loss, loss of smell, altered taste, hair loss
July 2022 Covid with memory problems again (not as severe as the first time with Covid), altered taste
Starting September 2022:

• sudden worsening PTSD symptoms with constant high heart rate (resting is in the 90s)
• frequent panic attacks with no trigger
• dizzy spells (both after panic attacks and without panic attack)
• Mood swings/irritability with breakdowns (new symptom, never had with ptsd)
• Memory problems
• loss of appetite/nausea
• Weight gain (specifically in the face), not significant but usually have trouble gaining weight and now gaining weight
• headaches (history of migraines but more frequent and in the front right area)
• bad body aches similar to 2021 but more over the whole body and with random moderate-severe joint pain. Normally a very active female who could workout 6 days a week. Now only able to workout 2-3 days with low intensity.
• Worsening insomnia
• Partial Bell’s palsy on the left side in Dec 2022, now fully recovered

Took blood tests and had 2 MRIs

• First blood tests included TSH + free T4, FSH and LH, ACTH, Prolactin and Growth Hormone. The only thing that came back out of range was ACTH which was 65.5 pg/ml. The scale for ACTH was 7.2-63.3 pg/ml and was taken around 7-7:30am.
• Second blood test (I requested cortisol the first test but the doctor didn’t want to order it. Doc agreed to order the second time). This test was taken later than planned due to testing place. Went in at 6:50am and didn’t get blood drawn until 9am. ACTH came back within normal range (21 pg/ml but taken almost 2 hours later than initial test). Both am and pm cortisol came back high. AM cortisol was 38.2 (normal range 6.2-19.4 ug/dl). PM cortisol was 17.9 (normal range 2.3-11.9 pg/ml taken close to 5pm).

MRI

• First MRI due to Bell’s palsy and was just a brain MRI with and without contrast. Doctor who reviewed the radiology noted a “The pituitary gland appears quite prominent in size, but homogeneous in intensity. This appearance most likely represents benign pituitary hyperplasia in a young healthy hormonally active female. A pituitary adenoma is a less likely possibility. Please correlate with serum prolactin level.” No further measurements or details given.
• Second MRI was of the brain and pituitary with and without contrast. MRI was reviewed by the same doctor as the first. “The pituitary gland is prominent in size, but homogeneous in texture. It measures 13 mm left-right x 8.5 mm craniocaudal x 8 mm anterior-posterior. No discrete pituitary tumor is identified. This appearance most likely represents benign pituitary hyperplasia in a young healthy hormonally active female. A pituitary adenoma is a less likely possibility.The pituitary stalk is midline in position. The optic chiasm appears normal and uninvolved. Both adjacent cavernous sinuses and contents appear normal also.”

I am concerned there may be a small benign tumor being missed on the MRI or may be located in the adrenal glands. If not a tumor, then possible malfunctioning of the pituitary or adrenal glands. Main concern with symptoms are the dizzy spells and mood swings as I’m normally a patient and optimistic person, but my mood swings are severe and cause emotional breakdowns.
Thank you all again, really appreciate any answers you all may have.