TW!!!!!- CSA, Mental Health
I (26F) have been depressed over half my life. I was first diagnosed at 11, which unbeknownst to my doctors at the time was due to ongoing abuse. From 10-15 my CSA was ongoing. After 15 it all came to light, he got put into prison, I got pregnant with my first child by my now-husband. It all happened very fast.
I married my husband (29M) when I was 19. He was my first boyfriend, and I do sometimes feel that I kind of took the first thing I construed as love and ran with it. My home life was awful and sometimes I wonder if I made a good choice. Anyways, I trusted his parents with the information of my CSA. Huge mistake.
In 2020, my abuser was released from jail. Not long after he got a job at the store 15 minutes from where I live. My depression resurfaced (I had been pretending that it never happened while he was in prison) but I got some help and felt okay for the most part. I avoided the store and was still in survival mode so it was okay.
Then last September happened. I had went the last 2-3 years without seeing my abuser. My in laws decide to go to his place of work while he was leaving, and live stream them harassing him, shouting my name at him. I only know what was going on because they CALLED ME telling me to get on Facebook and that my FIL was going to shoot him. I opened Facebook confused on what they were talking about and it was the first thing that popped up.
It was the first time I seen him since the last time he abused me. I have a recorded testimony so I didn’t have to see him during trial. Watching the livestream and seeing him I dropped my phone and threw up. I want to throw up now talking about it. I had panic attack after panic attack, my kids watching from the window scared and concerned.
I refused to talk to them for a week, where they proceeded to tell me that I was petty and ungrateful. After a week my husband told me he was sick of the drama and I didn’t have to forgive them and he is ‘on my side’ but I couldn’t ignore them anymore because it was too much on him.
Since, I have panic attacks about once a day. I am so depressed. I don’t know why that triggered it but I’ve never been this bad before. I decided to do something about it and seek help because I was starting to get scary thoughts. They are starting me on EMDR therapy in two weeks, I’m scared for it. My husband has been making comments like ‘you’re being distant, I shouldn’t have to pay for your trauma’ and ‘therapy isn’t going to cause issues for us it is?’
Last night he finally said ‘I dont know how to help you, it seems like you’re getting worse and I don’t understand how you can be okay then a small thing happens and you get this bad’ referring to what his parents did. I don’t know how to get him to understand. I don’t have the energy to be honest. I’m so exhausted and I’m so tired of fighting every day to get up. I want to not be on survival mode anymore. I want to be a person. But who am I without depression? I’ve been depressed so long I don’t know if I have a personality outside of it….
Thanks for reading

Back on day 0 here. Had multiple day 0s this month after a fantastic month off in February and I really want to get back to that. The worst time for me on a weekend is probably 1pm to 4 or 5pm. If I can find something to distract myself during that time then I have a chance of a full day. Where I live there are 10 bars within walking distance and it’s too easy to stop by. I signed up for SMART today because I want to see if there are any online meetings I can just jump on at 1pm before making a bad decision. Never been to a smart meeting before. Anyone else doing similar? Any advice? The meetings available today don’t quite seem to match what I’m looking for. There seems to be a family and friends event from 11am to midnight which seems odd. I’ll keep looking but if anyone has any advice about attending SMART I’ll take it. I would have expected there would be 100s of meetings across the country and one would definitely coincide with my witching hour :) thanks all 🙏

Paul I. Plikhanov was born in the city of Samara on July 5,1845, the son of John and Natalia Plikhanov. His mother died in childbirth, and his father later remarried so that his son would have a mother. Although his stepmother was very strict, she was a real mother to him, and he loved her very much.
As a descendant of the Orenburg Cossacks, Paul was enrolled in the Polotsk Cadet Corps. He completed his studies at the Orenburg Military School and received an officer's commission. He later graduated from the Petersburg Cossack Staff Officers' School, and also served at the headquarters of the Kazan military district and eventually rose to the rank of colonel.
Once, as he was sick with pneumonia, Paul sensed that he was about to die. He asked his orderly to read the Gospel to him, and passed out. Then he had a vision in which the heavens seemed to open, and he was afraid because of the great light. His whole sinful life passed before him, and he was overcome with repentance. A voice told him he should go to Optina Monastery, but the doctors did not think he would recover. His health did improve, however, and the colonel visited Optina. In August 1889 the Elder of the Monastery was Saint Ambrose (October 10), who told Paul to set his worldly affairs in order. Two years later, Saint Ambrose blessed him to cut all ties to the world and told him to enter Optina within three months.
It was not easy for the colonel to resign his commission within the specified three month period, because obstacles were placed in his way. In fact, he was offered a promotion to the rank of general, and was asked to delay his retirement. Some people even tried to arrange a marriage for him, laughing at his intention to go to the monastery. Only his stepmother was happy that he wished to become a monk. On the very last day of the three months he concluded his affairs and arrived at Optina. However, Saint Ambrose was already laid out in his coffin in the church.
Saint Anatole I (January 25) succeeded Saint Ambrose as Elder, and he assigned Paul to Hieromonk Nectarius (April 29) as his cell attendant. He was accepted as a novice in 1892, and tonsured as a rassophore in 1893. Over the next ten years he advanced through the various stages of monastic life, including ordination as deacon (1902), and as priest (1903). The monk Paul was secretly tonsured into the mantiya in December of 1900 because of a serious illness. When they asked him what name he wished to receive, he said it did not matter. They named him in honor of Saint Barsanuphius of Tver and Kazan (April 11). Although he recovered, they did not give him the mantiya until December of 1902 after the Liturgy when it was revealed that he had been tonsured on his sickbed.
On September 1, 1903 Father Barsanuphius was appointed to assist Elder Joseph, the skete Superior, in the spiritual direction of the skete brethren and the sisters of the Shamordino convent.
At the beginning of the Russo-Japanese war in 1904, Father Barsanuphius was sent to the Far East as a military chaplain, where he ministered to wounded soldiers. The war ended in August 1905, and Saint Barsanuphius returned to Optina on November 1, 1905.
Since Elder Joseph had become too old and frail to administer the skete's affairs, Father Barsanuphius was appointed as Superior of the skete in his place. Father Barsanuphius soon reestablished order and discipline, paid off debts, repaired buildings, etc. As Superior, he combined strictness with paternal concern and tenderness for those under him.
Saint Barsanuphius, like the other Elders of Optina, possessed the gifts of clairvoyance and of healing people afflicted with physical and spiritual ailments. One of his spiritual sons, Father Innocent Pavlov, recalled his first Confession with the Elder. He became fearful because Father Barsanuphius seemed to know his innermost thoughts, reminding him of people and events which he had forgotten. The saint spoke gently and told him that it was God who had revealed to him these things about Father Innocent. "During my lifetime, do not tell anyone about what you are experiencing now," he said, "but you may speak of it after my death."
Saint Barsanuphius loved spiritual books, especially the Lives of the Saints. He often told people that those who read these Lives with faith benefit greatly from doing so. The answers to many of life's questions can be found by reading the Lives of the Saints, he said. They teach us how to overcome obstacles and difficulties, how to stand firm in our faith, and how to struggle against evil and emerge victorious. Although the Lives of the Saints were widely available, it saddened the Elder that more people did not read them.
Saint Barsanuphius commemorated many saints each day during his Rule of prayer, and this was not accidental. Each saint, he once explained, had some particular importance in his life. If, for example, some significant event took place, he would look to see which saints were commemorated on that day, then he would begin to commemorate them each day. Later he noticed that on their Feast Day, they would often deliver him from some danger or trouble. On December 17, 1891, the commemoration of the Prophet Daniel and the three holy youths, he left Kazan and never returned. That was the day he decided to leave the world, and Saint Barsanuphius felt that God had delivered him from a furnace of passions. Just as the three youths were delivered from the fiery furnace because they would not bow down before idols, the Elder always believed that he left the world unharmed because he refused to bow down before the idols of lust, pride, gluttony, etc.
By 1908, Saint Barsanuphius seemed to fall ill more frequently, and began to speak of his approaching death. In April of that year, someone sent him a package containing the Great Schema. Father Barsanuphius had long desired to be tonsured into the Great Schema before his death, but he had told no one of this except for the archimandrite. Therefore, he regarded this as a sign that he would soon die.
One night in July 1910, the Elder became so ill that he had to leave church during Vigil and return to his cell. The next morning, July 11, he was so weak that he could not sit up by himself. That evening he was tonsured into the Great Schema.
Father Barsanuphius began to recover, but there were new problems in the monastery. New monks came in from spiritually lax environments. They did not understand the ascetical nature of monasticism or the whole notion of eldership, and so they began to clamor for reform and change. They wanted to assume positions of authority, and to close the skete. Because of their complaints, Father Barsanuphius was removed from Optina and assigned as igumen of the Golutvinsky Monastery. When he arrived to take up his duties, Father Barsanuphius found the monastery in a state of physical and spiritual decline. Nevertheless, he did not lose heart, and soon the monastery began to revive. More people began to visit, once they heard that an Optina Elder had come to Goluvinsky, and the monastery's financial position also began to improve. However, the rebellious brethren caused him great sorrow, and he had to expell some of them
At the beginning of 1913, Saint Barsanuphius became ill again and asked Metropolitan Macarius of Moscow for permission to retire to Optina, but that was not to be. He fell asleep in the Lord on April 1, and his body remained in the church of Golotvino until April 6 (which was also Lazarus Saturday). After the funeral, his body was placed on a train and sent to Optina for burial. The train arrived at Kozelsk Station on April 8, and the coffin was carried to Optina by clergy.
(from oca.org)

Hi there, me and my wife want to go to Italy between April 30th - May 12th. We want to stay between 7-10 days in total. We are going with our car and our first city in Italy would be Milan. It takes us between 11 - 13 hours to arrive in Milan, so maybe we will make a stop in Bazel or Luzern and travel the next day to Milan or just arrive in Milan before the evening.
I am reading a lot of info online, but I'm really stuck on planning a good route + making the most of the days we spent in each city.
Our plan was this (if we arrive around 18:00 in Milan):

1. Day 1: Spent the evening in Milan, walking through the city etc.
2. Day 2: Visit the highlights of Milan
3. Day 3: Take the train from Milan to Lake Como
4. Day 4: Travel to Florence and visit the city
5. Day 5: From Florence to Siena and then back to Florence by car
6. Day 6: From Florence to San Gimignano and then back to Florence by car
7. Day 7: From Florence to Cinque Terre and then back to Florence by car
8. Day 8: From Florence to Bazel or Luzern and then back to our home the next morning.

I never heard about Siena, San Gimignano and Cinque Terre until yesterday when a friend told me, but it looks very nice on the pictures and reviews. Are these cities good to visit for a day and is it very busy around this period of the year?
Other things we were thinking about:

1. Visiting the Ferrari museum in Modena or Maranello
2. Visiting San Siro, perhaps also the AC Milan museum (?)

What do you guys think of this route. It will be my first time in Italy so if you know better routes/cities to visit or if I should skip certain cities, I'm happy to hear.
Some other questions:

1. I heard about ZTL-zones? What should I do if my hotel is in a city? How can I reach the hotel without being fined?
2. Do you recommend taking the train from Florence to the cities I mentioned, or should I take the car?

Thank you in advance for helping us out :)

01.04.23: Strength Practice
5 ROUNDS. NO REST BETWEEN EXERCISE. 120s BETWEEN ROUNDS.
Total Training Time: 1:05:24
Single Arm KB Complex ⬇️ +24kg Kettlebell
12 Single Arm KB Swings
20 Single Arm KB Snatches
12 Single Arm KB Clean & Press
12 Single Arm KB Overhead Lunges
X5 - 280 total reps
Finisher: ⬇️ +32/24kg Kettlebells & BU Practice
3 Cleans
3 Strict Press
3 Front Squats
X6 EMOM - 54 total reps
Bottoms Up Cleans & a Couple Presses
24kg/28kg/32kg
Navy Seal Burpees - Bodyweight
100 Burpees, 300 Pushups
Ring Chinups - +28kg Kettlebell
12 Strict
12 Negatives
24 total reps
Jump Rope - 1/2 pound rope - High Intensity
8:21 minutes total
Verses for today:
Moreover, brethren, I would not that ye should be ignorant, how that all our fathers were under the cloud, and all passed through the sea; and were all baptized unto Moses in the cloud and in the sea; and did all eat the same spiritual meat; and did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ. But with many of them God was not well pleased: for they were overthrown in the wilderness. Now these things were our examples, to the intent we should not lust after evil things, as they also lusted. Neither be ye idolaters, as were some of them; as it is written, The people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play. Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand. Neither let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed of serpents. Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer. Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come. Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry. I speak as to wise men; judge ye what I say. The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not the communion of the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not the communion of the body of Christ? For we being many are one bread, and one body: for we are all partakers of that one bread.
1 Corinthians 10:1‭-‬17 KJV
The Lord's Prayer
Our Father, who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses. As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us, not into temptation. But deliver us from evil. For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory. Forever and ever. In Jesus Christ's Holy name I pray.
Amen.
Father, help me put on the Full Armor of God & protect me & my family from the wiles of the evil one.
Halleluyah!

Hi! Maybe a bit of a stupid question but I (26 male, overweight, on chronic blood pressure meds. i use coveram 10/10 and sinus meds fexo and nose spray avymus daily) recently wanted to start taking some vitamins to help my health. But wanted to know if it could make my BP worse. Its mostly under control (last night i checked as i do every now and then) and it was 126/71.
Can post a picture of the vitamins i was looking at but it has no caffeine or sugar in it. Just a normal multivitamin supplement once a day.
Thank you for any replies!

I just picked up a prescription for Phentermine 37.5 a few days ago. However, I’m afraid to start taking them. I already have anxiety, health anxiety specifically, and I don’t want to like pass out or have heart problems. Could I just eat wayyy less and have the same effect as the Phentermine? Does anyone have experience with it?
Editing to add a few words to meet the word count. Currently 230 5’10. I have intense cravings even when I’m not hungry, hoping I can take Phentermine short term & then keep the weight off myself after. I was only given a 60 day supply. Goal weight is 190

2 runs every 12 minutes days and evenings from Apr 1 - 2 and Apr 8 - 9, Saturdays, 8:00 AM to 10:00 PM & Sundays, 10:00 AM to 8:00 PM
2 service runs on a modified schedule because 1, 2, and 3 trains are sharing tracks in both directions between Chambers St and 34 St-Penn Station.
What's happening?
Structural maintenance

Experienced Virtual Assistant.
Hey! I'm seeking for a job - Payments via PayPal or BTC - Hard working - Fast learner Timezone : UTC+2 (only serious people please)
The tasks i can do :
° Answering emails
°Managing social media sites
°research work
°data entry
°Video editing
°Photo editing
°Personal assistance
°Administrative assistance
°Writing reports
°Uploading files
°Planning schedules
°Live chat support in your website
°Troubleshooting
°to-do-list reminders
°Data validation
°Keyword research
°Assistance in recruiting
I can learn anything :) * We can do a week trial

Long story short Coaching Institute: Allen School: Dummy Failed Subject: Physics Compartment Exam date: 11 April
so i have 10 days for my compartment exam and I want a plan to pass it The reason I failed is because of I was being lazy and didn't complete my notes in class 11 now I'll study diligently and make sure to complete my schedule so I really need a quick plan to understand all the chapters I should study before giving it in these 10 days

Hello Capital City! I’m in town for the Dreamville festival at Dorothea Dix Park and the inclement weather is really putting a damper on things. When we went to the first festival years ago the ground was still moist from the rain days before. Rain on the day of just screams chaos to me. Anyone familiar with the park that could share their experience? Will this be a muddy mess today?