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2023.03.30 06:32 openheart2023 Is it reasonable to ask my mum to talk to a therapist and pass on my number to them before we talk again?
I blocked my mum in January. This was after a disaster of a Christmas. Which was after a disaster of a summer, the first time I decided to spend a week with her after 10 years of short visits one or two times a year. This 10 year period started when I ran away as a 16 year old to get away from the constant drinking, yelling or ignoring my existence at home. No physical abuse. Just every single chance was taken for her to put me down, especially when I was a vulnerable child and came to her for help. It hurt me so deeply, needing a mother's love and being told instead that I'm ruining her life with stupid problems.
Anyway I blocked her. I don't get her messages but she gets mine. As long as she didn't block me back. I wouldn't mind if she did. I held back nearly all details of my personal life for those 10 years because she used any vulnerability against me every chance she got. Before I blocked her I sent her texts explaining exactly how I felt about her, all the abuse I'd gone through after I ran away due to believing I actually deserved to be beat up because she told me that. I told her she won't ever see myself or her grand child again unless she can get mental help and prove to me somehow that she has changed her ways. Is this unreasonable?
Sometimes I miss her so much I can't stop crying. I get so angry and sad. Then I remember that I've never successfully had a conversation about feelings or love with her without her turning it into yelling or insults. And I don't miss her anymore. But I still feel bad for her. I texted her a couple nights ago asking her to give my number to the therapist she is seeing (she's probably not seeing one) so I can give them perspective on the situation so they can better focus on what she needs to do. I don't know if any of this is appropriate. I don't know if she answers cause she is blocked. I can't stand to see any words from her anymore. Should I just leave her alone forever? Or am I being too harsh? I don't know if this is reasonable at all. I have a sliver of hope but I can only stand to communicate about her if it's through an impartial third party like a doctor.
submitted by openheart2023
to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:32 KarmawantstobeBored Update on my Life
Anyone who has read my previous deleted post will know that both my biological father and stepmother have been treating like garbage and that my younger half-sister has been treated like a princess. Please forgive me that I have deleted the previous post because of being scared that my parents will find it. Well, here are some updates:
So, my stepmother has gotten worse. I will do all of my chores and she will have the audacity to complain about something small (for example: I will clean the sweep the floors and she will find a spot of dog hair and yell at me about not cleaning the floors properly).
A couple months ago, I was in a discord group chat with a group of my friends and one of them was talking about how bad my stepmother is (I believe that they were replying to one of my vent messages that I wrote a while before they replied). I wasn't involved in the conversation, meaning that I didn't agree nor disagree with them. One day, I left my phone at home on accident and my mom looked through my phone and saw the message, and got my dad involved in the situation and I was in trouble even though I wasn't part of it. And when I mean that she looked through my phone, I mean it. She looked through my messages with my friends, families, and got super mad when they looked at my pictures because I recorded them yelling at each other because they were getting really negative at each other and if one of them got physical, I would have used the video as evidence.
After my last soccer game, I asked my mom (I am referring my stepmother as mom because she is the closest thing as a mother than my biological mother even though she is toxic) if I could ride with her instead of riding the bus with my team. Boy, that was a mistake. She wanted me to look up at something for her and as I was showing her the picture, I got a notification from my half-brother that she absolutely hates. She got so mad about that I got a notification from him that she called my father to pull over (he was driving a different car) and they looked through my phone once again. They later accused me of planning on meeting my brother at my high school's football game. The thing is, at the time, I couldn't even drive at the time. How was I even supposed to get there? Walk at least 20 miles to the high school, oh heck nah. So, I got my phone taken again. They weren't even mad that I was using Instagram to text him because at the time, I wasn't supposed to have Instagram.
On my last post, I stated that my father was somewhat on my side. That has changed now. They both get pretty disappointed whenever I do something that they don't like. There are a few times where he defends me, but that is so rarely now. Even when I tell them that my younger sister has been kicking/hitting/throwing things at me, they get mad at me and telling me that I was the one who provoked her, in reality, I was doing nothing to provoke her.
They both acknowledge that I am bisexual, but my father is the only one who accepts it. My mother believes that I am in a relationship with my best friend, which is kind of normal for me to hear that because I spend a lot of time with her, and a bunch of people think that we are dating. They still don't accept anyone who is nonbinary/transgender, but they are being hypocrites because my nephew's stepfather is a trans man. They do accept that I wear masculine clothes, but my mother asks me whenever am I going to wear feminine clothes. I always reply with, "When I feel like it." Sure, I do have feminine clothes in my closet, but I feel very comfortable in wearing baggy clothes as I am very uncomfortable with my body, especially my chest area. A couple of weeks ago, they kept asking me why I am not going to prom this year and I told them that I just don't want to, but I really want to say that I want to wear a tuxedo instead of a dress that way I could be the 'man' for my best friend (I do have a thing for my best friend, but I can never tell her).
My mom has been complaining about my room being a mess and that I am so lazy. I am sorry but I am up at 6:00 getting my sister and myself ready for school, get done with school at 3:20, and then I have to practice until 5:30, and if possible, I will have to go to my sister's practice until 6:15. After that, I have to do my homework because I have four advanced classes (which is more than half of my classes) and each class as at least two assignments almost every night. I have to study, take notes, do homework, etc. Not only that, but I have to work outside, clean the house, feed the animals, take a shower, take care of my sister, and I am the lazy one? I am not allowed to have food in my room and my parents are both eating on their bed watching television.
On the bright side, I do have my driver's license. The bad side, I have two tracking apps on my phone that way my parents can see where I am. They have told me that I have to text them when I am leaving or I just arrived at a certain spot, if not, they will call me and yell at me, asking me where I am. I wish they would just look at the apps and see where I am because there are times where I am late for a place and texting them will make me very late as I am not a fast typer. They even have the audacity to call me while I am driving when I am not allowed to because it is illegal to call and drive where I live, and I am not old enough to have my phone near me while I am driving. They will get so mad when I don't answer, but when there were times where I answered, they yell at me for answering the phone.
Other than that, my family has gotten worse mentally. Two weeks ago, while I was practicing, according to my sister, both of our parents were arguing, and it was so bad to the point where my father slapped my mother. I wasn't notified until after my parents were talking nice to me and my dad telling me that they were not getting well together. I was beyond mad that my dad slapped my mother even though she has treated me poorly. I am not a big fan of my father being physical because he can actually cause damage (like bruising my brother and making me bleed when we were little). I don't know how they are managing this kind of situation, but I will be going away with my mother and sister to see my stepbrother (even though I don't have a very good relationship with him, I am assuming that this trip is just for my mother and sister even though she said that I will have fun).
That is my update on my life.... just one more year left...
By all means, I will be keeping this post since they don't know what reddit is nor my username for this because I changed it, so it is different than my other social media usernames. You can ask questions about anything; I will try and reply to them.
submitted by KarmawantstobeBored
to entitledparents [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:32 Primate_Nemesis Just arguing with a Super Gundam user in recent match.
We lost by a lot in the new map (the stardust memory one) the frontline kept getting outnumbered and we can't even make any score besides capturing beacons in the first two minutes. Then I noticed one guy staying still in the back with full health, it was this super gundam.
I know full well in that position (mountain top) with our teammates on the other side getting outnumbered, you can't get any clear target. The enemy was brutal they even had xamel in the frontline providing stuns. We got butchered, I constantly fought two to three guys and getting overpowered easily after respawn. Then after capturing the beacon near the super gundam position, I shot him once to wake him up.
Then after the match the super gundam got the best score (not impressive, but highest), we still lost by a lot (6k to 18k). Then the super gundam messaged me to brag about it. I feel like it's easy to get that score with super gundam playstyle while the rest of us getting outnumbered. I feel like we're down by one guy while he was camping waiting for target instead of looking for one.
I replied him saying that he shouldn't camp at that mountain for too long because the frontline was outnumbered and that's the reason why we lost by that much. Am I wrong here? Does it make sense for him to brag and be proud with that achievement?
submitted by Primate_Nemesis
to GBO2 [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:32 grudthak Mid-Life has hit and I need to hit it back!
Hi all, I will start this by apologising if it comes off as either a manifesto or rant. I need to get this out so it can haunt me!
I am nearly 45, male and for the past few months my regular physical activities (especially at work) have started to become a lot more... taxing. Breathless after climbing 6 flights of stairs, worn out after walking for 30 minutes; that kind of thing.
I went to the GP recently to address my snoring and get some moles checked, I brought it up with him; he suspects low testosterone and my weight/fitness. Recommends I drop at least 10KG, and deliberately exercise. Since I left the military in my 20's, I have worked mainly physical jobs - my current job is no exception - so I technically didnt need to.
Between 9-hour shifts and 45-minute commutes each way, 5 days a week; I am too exhausted to even think about deliberately exercising. Even taking the dog for a nice long walk is putting me on my ass.
My wife has been relentless ever since the Dr gave me that target, to the point of hurtful remarks when I am getting dressed/undressed. She has been hounding me to go to a "Couple's Session" with her Personal Trainer... She reckons it will be fun; I reckon I will say things I will permanently regret.
I used to be a strong swimmer and one of my roles in the Navy was as a rescue swimmer; I am not deluding myself that I will be remotely as good as I was; but hitting the pool seems to be a good idea for me instead of Gyms and PT's. Hopefully my permanently wrecked shoulder holds up.
Thanks for listening.
submitted by grudthak
to beginnerfitness [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:32 Zaratus27 Sun Conure nipping behavior when cuddling.
Just curious as to some thoughts here. My sun conure is particularly attached to me, likes scratches and beak rubs through the bars of the cage and will screech to get my attention when I walk past, will sit on me for hours if I let her out. When I get up, she'll hear me get out of bed upstairs and start screeching right away because she knows I'll be coming down soon.
Anyway, what prompted this. Right now, she's cuddling on me as I type after I let her out. Making contented noises and all that. I was petting her earlier, but what always happens after she's been out for a little while, she starts getting aggressive towards my hands. 15-30 minutes, she'll be fine with my hands, letting me handle her, and generally just enjoying the attention. Then she'll start attacking my opposite hand when it gets too close, while still being friendly with the other hand. Then after more time passes, she'll attack either hand, even if I'm not going near her with them. And will do a pretty hard bite and lunge at either hand. But, other than that, she's still cudding, making happy noises, preening, will still be fine with my face, showing affection, but the hands are off limits. Usually until I get tired of getting nipped when I go to scratch my face or otherwise get my hands too close and she has to go back in the cage. It's almost like she forgets that my hands are still "me". After standing up with her, she'll get friendly to my hands again. Right now she's tucked over near my chin alternating between grinding her beak, preening, and resting her head on me, but glaring at my hands every now and then as I type.
Thought maybe it could be some sort of nesting behavior maybe. Or she's just a little silly, as all parrots are. It's not a huge issue or anything, just petting time is over when she starts getting nippy, I've taken to putting a towel around my neck to try and protect from the inevitable droppings and to protect my hands if needs be.
submitted by Zaratus27
to Conures [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:32 LovelySunshine22 Astral Projecting: Banshee?
For a couple of years now, I have had almost like a recurring dream. This dream, or I’ve been calling them night terrors from how terrifying they are, all take place in the same mansion. But this mansion is so massive.
Each place has been slightly different (a dilapidated state wing, water park, the ocean or a pond w a dock at the very back of the house w a sliding door connected to the dock, the attic, and so much more). But the one thing that is common is this younger girl in a white gown flying around and chasing me throughout the dream.
All I know of her is that she has this terrifying wail and that I cannot look into her eyes for I will “fall under her power”. And I know when she is near because I become uneasy. And then I hear a low howl in the distance that gradual grows into her terrifying wail. And the dreams are so realistic. I can feel whatever wounds I endure during the dream when I wake up. I’ve woken up screaming and having a panic attack from how vivid these dreams can be.
Could I be astral projecting? And what could it possibly mean? I’ve thought maybe it could be a banshee visiting my dreams but I have not found any sound conclusions within my own research. Help?
submitted by LovelySunshine22
to Witch [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:30 Icy_Elevator_7886 I was attacked and my attacker took a VRO out on me, I need some help
My family is currently involved in a family fued over my nan and her finances. My side of the family has power of attorney and the other side has guardianship.
We blocked several attempts from the other side of the family to steal my nan's money, this has made them bitter. So they stop us from seeing our nan, we have taken them to SAT 5 times and even after winning the guardian won't let us see her.
I went to see my nan at hospital with my mom and my relative walks in and sees me sitting there, she hates my mom. She begins to verbally attack my mom and I told her to shut up.
She then lost her mind and lunged at me and jumped on top of me and then started to strangle me, I didn't want to hurt her but I couldn't breathe.
So I pushed her off me and she hit the wall, there were 5 witnesses to what happened.
I went to the police office and reported her for assault, and they investigated her. She was enraged by this and is a pathological liar, who has been in a mental hospital twice.
She lied about the events and the police failed to do their job, as I am a big guy and they don't think men can be attacked. The police ruled it as Provacation and dropped the case, even though I was strangeled and I am still suffering with PTSD because of it.
I wanted to move on with my life, but then I see she has put a VRO against me. I got the minutes and she lied about my character saying I was violent, even though she was the one who attacked me. I am a gentle giant and I hate violence, I'm so sick of the family fued and I just want to move on with my life.
She has said my nan is scared of me, which is a lie as we are very close, it's all about her stopping us from seeing her. I have a video after the incident where we are all sitting around with my nan talking and my nan is peaceful and happy.
She said the family hate me and everyone thinks I'm violent, which is another lie. I'm just getting character references from all my family at the moment to disprove this.
I also have a statement from my psychologist stating my progress and stating how I use coping mechanism and not violence.
I got a lawyer and the case has now gone to mediation, after the first trial was adjourned.
She is playing the system well and trying to assasinate my character, its just pathetic but she made it work with the police the first time. My lawyer said the police failed me in that case and I am looking into making a complaint with my lawyer about it.
What should I do to get this case thrown out, it's just a vindictive lie, I don't know how the aggressor can do this to the person they harmed.
I was thinking about addressing all her lies in a statement and getting evidence together, but I'm just worried she will twist the truth so much she will win.
If she gets the VRO she will cry wolf and I will be hounded, I haven't been near her house. The last time I went was with my mom 2 years ago to see my nan.
She came out and began to get in my face and say I couldn't see my nan, I got upset and told her she was a witch, then I left. That is literally her claim to wanting a VRO, she planned it so I couldn't see my nan. She did the same thing to my uncle.
What would you do in my situation?
submitted by Icy_Elevator_7886
to AusLegal [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:29 throwaway_account_xa I want to end my period permanently due to my health circumstances, but others don’t want me to
I’m 18, and I was recently confirmed to be absolutely infertile with no chance of having a kid on my own without medical help. This is due to a genetic mutation I’ve been dealing with for most of my life (basically my body skipped the “young female” hormonal stage and I went straight from being a prepubescent kid to (hormonally) a postmenopausal old woman)
I will admit that my parents cried at the appointment when the obgyn told us, but I honestly don’t feel that bad. I’m a lesbian, and I’ve been sure of that since middle school (I’m in college now). I never want to have biological kids, and I know now that even if I wanted to through a surrogate or something, it most likely wouldn’t work.
This is not something I’m hung up on. If anything, it works out better for me because now my parents won’t be nagging me for grandchildren. I’m not out to them yet, and because of that, I think they think I should be more shaken by this news.
I’m not. It’s not like in the future I’ll be with a guy and want to have a kid with him. Also, pregnancy is something that has killed a lot of women in my family. We’re POC, so that’s not helping anything, but just naturally it doesn’t seem to work out. I would’ve had 5 siblings instead of just 1 if all my mom’s pregnancies worked out. It got so bad that one of the pregnancies even needed chemo to get rid of it.
I don’t want that, but my parents seem to think I do, they say I’ll grow out of not wanting kids.
Since I have no use for my uterus. I now want to get rid of my period permanently. I can’t even have a period without synthetic hormones, since my ovaries are pretty much nonfunctional on their own.
I’ll still have to take the hormones, because being postmenopausal is apparently not good for my bones and heart. I’ve asked a couple friends what they think about this, and the reaction has been mixed. Some people say to go ahead, and others say, in the words of one of my closest friends, “there’s probably a good reason we have periods, and it’s probably not smart to get rid of it when you’re this young.”
It would be near impossible for me to get a hysterectomy in the near future (because of my age and although it’s not a law, most of the hospitals in my area would require me to have written consent from my imaginary husband because Texas).
I don’t think I’m being rash, because honestly, I’ve been mulling this over ever since I figured out I didn’t want to be with a guy or have kids with anyone. It’s just that now I have an actual reason to do it. I’m infertile. That’s it. IVF probably wouldn’t work on me, and it’s too expensive anyways.
This may be considered a sour grapes situation, but I don’t care. I have no use for my period anymore, so I don’t want to have it. I didn’t have it for three years, and besides the hot flashes and weird skin stuff that came with being postmenopausal, it was great.
When I get my own insurance, getting rid of my period (hopefully forever) is the first thing I want to do. Even though it’s something I feel strongly about, the reactions from my friends, and the potential reaction from my parents, has me second guessing myself.
I know this is a major, and irreversible, decision. I have a few years to think about it, but I just want to know that I’m not crazy for thinking like this. So much of a woman’s life still revolves around having kids, and now that I have a valid medical reason, I want out of that and everything that comes with it, hopefully permanently.
submitted by throwaway_account_xa
to Advice [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:29 decayingfoundations I just told my mother everything I’ve ever wanted to say to her.
I didnt mean to. I don’t remember how the conversation steered in that direction. When I (21F) was around 12, my parents got a divorce and my father moved away. He was always (and still is) in my life, but he moved, and eventually took my brother (23M) with him because there was a private art school in the town he was moving to.
My mom’s (59F) drinking got really bad during this time. Like, a box of wine a night bad (1 box = 4 bottles). During these nights, she’d find anything to start a fight with me, and we’d have a free for all well into the night. The next morning, she would deny everything she said. When I was about 15, my dad offered for me to go to the same art school as my brother and move away, but I couldn’t do it. I had to drive my mother home from bars almost every night, and I didn’t want to risk her driving drunk (which she had zero qualms with doing so.) I fought with my mother nearly every single night for over five years.
I live on my own now. College graduate. I made it out of that tiny speed trap town. I don’t drink (mostly because I’m a terrible lightweight.) I talk to my mother every day on the phone. This is the best out relationship has ever been. For whatever reason, our conversation took a turn tonight and I blurted out that I always wished that she’d stop drinking when I was a kid. She pushed further - I told her how I was scared of her, how I would try to separate her from her “drunk-self,” because I couldn’t bear to call the woman screaming at me, standing over me while she had me pinned to the floor my mother. She tried to spin it around and say how she never got any credit for putting my brother and I through college (she holds a fairly lucrative job and paid our tuition because she wanted us to have a college education, which I am incredibly grateful for) and I told her I’d live in debt for the rest of my life if it meant I had a better relationship with her growing up. She tried to deny everything, ending the conversation with “I am sorry that you remember your upbringing so different from what I remember.”
I’m never going to get through to her. I know this. I will never get those years back. I feel awful for even mentioning it. I’m so scared I just screwed up the first good, real relationship I’ve ever had with her. And I won’t know until the morning.
submitted by decayingfoundations
to offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:27 One-Angry-Goose Fashion Hunters, how do you get over the fact that most armor pieces clash?
Plenty of sets look great. Zinogre, Lunagaron, Gore, Anjanath, Tobi, Rathian, so on and so forth. But, thing is, they only ever look good when used in the full set. When used outside of their respective sets, they’ll clash with nearly everything else.
Try to work these pieces into your fashion and they just don’t work. Can’t dye the parts that matter, nothing else has that particular shade of the color, most other armor pieces can’t be dyed well enough to fit, some just have those accents that stick out like a sore thumb (MR Rajang). Not to mention the occasional high-tech eyesores. It’s complete agony.
You’ve got how many pieces of armor in the game and most of them will never work in any serious fashion. It makes the entire realm of cosmetics feel so fucking small.
So… how do you get over this? It keeps bothering me. Hundreds of things to work with and maybe thirty are actually usable.
submitted by One-Angry-Goose
to MonsterHunter [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:26 TrumpTweetBot1 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110108322995860152
2023.03.30 06:24 According-Potato-316 Incite at Troy room available
Currently, I am looking to transfer our lease to anyone who is interested in taking it for the spring/summer of 2023 and afterward in Troy, NY, near RPI. I live in a four bedroom, two bathroom with the other rooms already occupied. The place is called Incite at Troy, and the room rate is $904 each. It includes a fitness center, parking garage, shuttle stop nearby as well as a few buses. If interested, dm me. https://www.inciteattroy.com/
submitted by According-Potato-316
to RPI [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:24 Dazzling_Essay9178 My reason for quitting isn't enough.
It took me a long time to find a good motivator. I know people aren't interested in dating people who are unhealthy and smoking is right up there for that. I knew I wasn't about to find anyone anytime soon, but it was motivation enough for me at the time.
Now, several years later, I'm lost my motivation. Ive bought two packs of ZYN in the last week and I know it's only a matter of time before I buy a pack of cigarettes. Stopping smoking is so important to me.
I've seriously cut back on weed and alcohol, I've quit the video games, I've cut out sugar, sleeping in isn't nearly as much of an issue, and I've cut out porn entirely. But the first and most consistent has always been nicotine. I just can't even begin to think of a new reason to quit.
I could use some help.
submitted by Dazzling_Essay9178
to stopsmoking [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:23 Initiative-Internal White Noise
Hello guys, a bit on me if you'd like: I'm a person who's always been fond for writing, but never really had my hand in it though, in fact, I wrote this incomplete should-have-been series a year ago, but never really completed it. I've only dabbled in it for a bit, writing scraps and throwing them away, but this is the only thing I found that was noteworthy and decided to share it, it's a copy-paste directly from the writing program, but I cleaned it up a bit of course, anyway, I really hope you guys enjoy!
You don't know who I am, or where I come from, you don't know anything, but if you're reading this that's good, it means you're alive, and maybe the world is better, maybe it's enjoyable, and there are parks again, and kids laughing and cheering. But that's all a maybe, an outcome with an unfair possibility of not happening, but I guess it makes sense, someone decided to destroy the world, and with the technology we had, it probably wasn’t that hard. What happened? well, I don't really know, all I know is that the world is falling apart, it's cracking, small cracks are apparent in almost every surface I come across that's been untouched or unmoved for a while, and they aren't normal cracks, they have a dim white glow, when I say dim I mean almost non-existent but the glow was still there nonetheless, and it feels like the world isn’t as bright, the world just lost all its life, all the grays got greyer and every other color looks dull and monotonous, but that’s just what came about.
After the first day, all available power disappeared, it was an exposition, a cardinal signal foreshadowing the apocalyptic future yet to come, of course, people started to panic. after one week the water shut off, at this point people had started to get irritable, and heated arguments were becoming a much too common thing to see in a lonely town like mine, then the third week hit, it's when the cracks became noticeable, it's also when people were being discovered, dead people, not many in the first few days, only two or three found a day. Soon enough people had run out of supplies, it's not like people were restocking the stores so no one could get any food or drink.
The streets were littered with bodies, most died from asphyxiation or gunshots, which was unlike the first killings, the first body found had his throat ripped out and his guts spilled, yet there was no blood anywhere on the body and no signs of a struggle, although I noticed this, I paid little attention to it. Nothing happened after that, aside from me staying in the basement which held enough food and water to sustain me for about a month and then some if I rationed carefully. It sucked in there, I had to have the little lamp in there off most of the time because of the lack of power, and the battery was already three-quarters full when I got down there, but I managed for thirty-two painfully slow and lightless days, then I emerged into my home.
I saw what I had expected, shattered glass everywhere, tables turned on their sides, and everything else characteristic of a ransacking, but I was not expecting to find a body stuck in a wall, his waist and below stuck in the wall, the wall wasn't broken, it was like something had made the wall a liquid, stuck him in, and made the wall solid again. I didn’t see any fractures in the wall's surface aside from the small squiggly white cracks that remained on almost every surface. At that point I realized I hadn't shed a single tear or even once felt the need to vomit, I felt ashamed of myself, I felt emotionless and lifeless, I could have gone ahead and made my morning coffee and watched the news without giving a care in the world about the body that lay in my home… too bad there was no coffee, or tv.
- Food: Can of Beans(6x cans). Can of Mangos (2x cans). Jack Link’s Beef Jerky (2x bags).
- Drink: Water(4x bottles). BodyArmor(3x bottles). (Empty Large Canteen).
- Items: Empty Large Canteen. Flashlight. Extra Batteries.(2x)
- Weapons: Colt 1911 (2x 8-Round Magazines, .45 ACP(44x)
Remington Model 700(2x 3-Round Magazines, .308 WIN(18x) Hunting Knife
Note-1: After digging through my dad's closet and finding a false floorboard that always creaked, I gained access to two guns, a Remington Model 700 and a Colt 1911, and their corresponding ammunition.
Note-2: due to me living here for long enough I had the insight into areas of suspicion, an example is the floorboard, it’s unlikely I’ll get the luck to find hidden spaces like that again, but maybe when I’m skillful enough at looting, finding hidden spaces would become more common.
I gathered all of my supplies and put them in a backpack, aside from the M1911 and the 700, I put the M1911 in a holster on my hip and slung the 700 on my back, after I was ready, I left, the first thing I noticed was the lack of wildlife, I don’t live in a big city, it’s just a somewhat sparsely housed town, there’d always be an acre or two between homes at the very least, and birds were usually everywhere, but now I only see a few, only hear a few chirps here and there, I haven’t seen any terrestrial animals yet aside from insects, it seems there are fewer insects though as well. After I left my home I stood on the doorstep, I looked around at the dull scenery, I used to step outside to just look at the trees and the sky, but now everything is unappealing, I took the steps through the grass to my beat up car, all the glass was broken, I opened the door, sat inside and turned the ignition, nothing happened, as I expected cars don’t work anymore either, which put me on edge, what if guns don’t work anymore? But I silenced that thought, I still have a knife if guns won’t work.
I stepped out of the car and went to the trunk to see if anything was left of value. I opened it and found nothing, with no new supplies I decided the first place I’ll go to is the gas station, there was bound to be something there, even if it was only a little something. I started my two-mile trek to the gas station, I hiked a lot before all of this happened, two miles was nothing at all. There was a trail not too far from my house that I and my dog used to walk at, my dog died a few months back luckily enough, I wouldn’t have been able to support him now, not with the looming fear of starvation following me around. I had walked about one mile when all of a sudden everything went quiet, birds stopped chirping, the wind stopped blowing.
I got off the road and hid in a bush, I heard things moving, rustling the brush, stopping every now and then, almost as if they were looking for something, I’d hear what sounded like someone taking a knife to glass, it pained my ears and I felt they would start bleeding if the sounds lasted a second longer. I never saw them, I don’t know if it was because they were behind me or on the other side of the road in a ditch or something, but after 10 minutes it went away, nature’s sounds returned after 5 minutes, I had to wait another 10 minutes, my body, shocked and stiff, wouldn’t allow me to move. I stood and dusted myself off, since I didn’t know where the sounds came from I just started searching on the opposite bank of the road, no signs of anything being there, no tracks, no broken twigs, no blood.
I thought I had gone insane while wallowing in my lonesome, but then I remembered the birds reacted to whatever it was, or whatever they were, I don’t know how many there were, it constantly alternated between the sound of one of them and the sound of an uncountable amount. Happy to get out of the area, I continued to my destination. When I got to the gas station there was only one broken window, and a body with characteristics of the first killings laying on the floor near the register, a broken knife next to him. I looted his body without remorse or disgust. I found a pack of cigs and pocketed them there was also a scrunched paper.
I read it once, then twice, and even a third time, my stomach churned and felt like it was about to implode, it looked to be a message from the man’s daughter saying how much she loved him and she wants him to be safe because of all the “bad people”, a smiley face sat at the top of the paper, I flipped the paper over to find distinctly different handwriting, presumingly the man’s, it detailed how he was sorry, as well as how he’d been at the station for 3 days, said he couldn’t leave because if he did they would get him, his last words, being written hastily were hardly legible, but I could read enough to understand that the cracks in the world that appeared in the station were much more distinct than in other places, and those things could come in, but they were just staring at him tauntingly. I could barely hold myself back from puking, it wasn’t hard to look at someone’s corpse, it had no effect on me, but the second I realized that man had a family, and had ambitions and potential… I continued looking around the store. I realized there would be more loot on dead bodies because people don’t want to touch them. After looking through all the shelves and in all of the back rooms I found a lighter under the lip of a bottom shelf, lucky me.
I had hoped there would be more, more of everything, but there’s nothing, I’ll put another list of my supplies soon but at this rate, I won't make it to see next week, every single store has been ransacked completely, all the bodies always have empty already eaten foods, I don’t know what to do. I’ve not seen a single soul, everything is dead, not even the insects anymore, the birds are gone too, maybe it has something to do with the cracks, they’ve progressed enough to where they are visible from up to a foot away, I’ve had to hide from those screeching things a couple of times, still haven’t seen them yet, I realized when the wind abruptly stops they’ve appeared, it’s a good thing the birds were still singing those few days ago or I wouldn’t have realized the pattern, I’d probably be dead, just like everyone else.
Nothing much has happened, I’ve seen a bird or two, and it’s nice to know that at least for a little bit longer animals will still be alive, I’ve theorized that whenever I hear the noise it’s only one entity doing it, I think this because I’ve heard an exceptionally large commotion a way off, I assume there was two there. Fortunately, the screeching has only happened near me only once, I’ve heard them in the distance though, in the night while I sleep I hear them far off, searching, waiting for their sinister roulette to hit, hoping, anticipating the kill. I decided to head to the(SO AND SO) I’ll update this then or if something happens along the way.
I’ve come across a hunting stand in the woods, it’s a jackpot. There’s too much stuff to carry, there was a map too so I’ll mark the general location once I find a landmark to orient myself with, I’ll put a list after this log but there’s more to talk about. The fragmentation, It’s what I’ve come to call the cracks, is still spreading of course. I’m starting to see a noticeable separation between the two edges of some individual fragments, still not big enough to stick anything in but instead of being small white lines spread wildly around, They’ve become a prominent feature of every object, I’ve been to some areas where the fragmentation is severe, white snakes slithering across any surface they can find, trying to fracture this world, they do end up doing it I suppose, that’s how the screechers exist, but the breaks only hold for so long until they close. That’s what I think happens at least, it’s not like I’ve seen them yet, and as long as I continue to find zones with little to no fragmentation as I have been, I think I’ll be fine, I just hope my luck doesn’t run out.
PUT A LOG HERE
I think I’m near (VarA), I should be out of the woods soon, but for now, I’ve got my bedroll down and am cooking some beans over the fire I’ve made, I’ll be fed for a while.
This may sound stupid but the fire keeps going out, the flames just disappear, no more heat. The charcoals lose their ember, everything becomes the regular temperature of the air around me. It still works though, there is no reliable frequency I can predict so sometimes it’ll die out as soon as I light it, and other times it takes an hour or two.
()()(())()()(()()()…I was walking when the wind stopped, the biggest problem for me at first was the fact there was nowhere to run, no depressions to dip in, I heard what sounded like a sharp camera shutter that immediately followed the deadening silence, the second I heard it I ran, a branch caught the strap of my bag, pulling it away from me. I couldn’t care though, all I could do was run, the trees vied for me, closing in. I was tripping and falling over and over, nearly impaling myself on the branches of trees I could hardly see.
I felt a push and fell over, I knew that running couldn’t have saved me, I knew it was there, right behind me, I couldn’t hear it though, I could only hear my breath but it wasn’t like that, I couldn’t hear it because it wasn’t making any noise, I thought for sure it would be screeching out for as long as it’s astral body would allow it to, but it didn’t, in fact, it lay on the ground, the white body, which looked as if it consisted of bolts of white grey lightning and string, pulsated, morphing into a consuming goop of unlight, and then back into it’s shimmering somewhat humanoid form, that process took a minute. I too lay there, my foot just a stone toss away from its hungry hand, the tips of its fingers eager to detach from its parent body, but was disallowed. I lay on the ground staring at it, and for some reason, it didn’t move, I took that opportunity to regenerate as much of my energy as possible, but from fear of losing my safety, I stood up slowly, emphasizing my steadiness, even though it probably detects me through a different means, I shouldn’t let it hear me, some caution is better than no caution at all.
I rose and took a gradual step back, but my back was met by a thick, gnarled arm of wood, as if that wasn’t enough, I had also stepped on a branch, probably from the same tree. The screecher stirred, its spectral head raised, maybe it used its sight for precision. It tried to raise the rest of its body, but its foot was stuck in a root, not like it was trapped under it, its foot was fused with the root. I guess it noticed it too because immediately the tone of its body got dimmer, I knew it was going to morph into the darkness, to free itself, to kill me. I took the chance I had, the 10s of seconds I had left were diminishing, and every second I wasted increased my chance of death. I turned, and immediately crouched and ducked under my guard that was the trees arm, I didn’t expect to have the keenness I had during that run, I’ve never been a particularly agile person, but in that moment I could see, without any blur caused by my abrupt motions, ducking and weaving through what seemed like the thickest forest I had ever seen.
I collapsed after only minutes of running, which was unsurprising though, the previous running and endless walking cost me an obscene amount of energy, taxing my body till the end, draining it of its power. I could hear them now, screaming, coming for me, it shouldn’t take as long as it’s taking them, but I guess they’re fighting each other, that’s why there is noise. I turned around and waited, I saw the two of them approaching me, they kept pushing and shoving each other, they were walking so slowly, as if they were sapped for energy, and the density of their body was low, it seems most of the strings of white grey abandoned the parent body for some reason, and with every step they took a few more disappeared, falling off into the ground. One of the entities fell to the ground, and the second took the opportunity and fell on top of it, tearing it to shreds, and repairing its own body with its meal, it seems it was only able to regain a menial percentage of its power back though, it’s speed only bolstered for a minute or so, still not fast enough to keep up with a hasty back step.
It fell to the ground after a while, and everything below its torso disappeared shortly after, it desperately sunk its claws into the soil, pulling with its full ability, trying to get me. It disappeared, shortly after, leaving quite a thick strand of vibrant white light. I pondered whether picking it up or not would be a good idea, in the end, I decided a little glowing string couldn’t hurt me that much. I plucked it from its place on the ground and immediately felt a strong, radiant sensation, a pulsating heat and cold piercing my body as if it was filling me with energy, I dropped it, even holding it for a few seconds easily removed most of the exhaustion from my body, I wanted to grab it again for another hit of pure energy, but I felt if I did I would explode, my body was not meant for this type of power, although it seemed capable enough to absorb what I presume was a little bit of it, I think it’s capacity is quite high, and powering what was but a little bit of myself was probably the least intensive thing this string could do.
submitted by Initiative-Internal
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2023.03.30 06:23 BookkeeperIntrepid23 How do I fix my profit?
So I made a city as usual, built up some industries, etc. I made it to 60k people making a constant profit. But after that, my profit keeps going up and down. One week I make $90k, the next week I lose $20k and so on. I am still, very slowly gaining a net profit, but I do lose money. I got rid of all public transport (except for airport) because it was not making me nearly as much s it was costing. Does anybody know what I should do? I'll attach the city if you wanna check it out. Los Brados- Fix my profit please!
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to CitiesSkylines [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:22 Eunomiac The Insane Power of Double-Ice
| || | submitted by Eunomiac to ArmyOfRuin [link] [comments]
I've been doing a lot of experimenting as I try to complete my Army of Ruin Quick Reference
, and I've come to really appreciate the power of a double-Ice build.
For starters, check out these damage numbers following a 35-min Ruin 3 Graveyard Endless run: Both Avalanche (Landslide) and Freezing Geyser (Ink Geyser) dominate the damage rankings, even putting crowd favorite Ethereal Razor to shame.
Ink Geyser is, in my opinion, busted and will almost certainly be nerfed (even unevolved, it still demolished the DPS scores of my other five unevolved weapons). But, until it is, the ability to do top-tier damage while also freezing just about everything solid
is, as Jesus would have said, "absolutely fucking nuts." And Landslide --- which I regularly see near the bottom of most people's tier lists --- does very much the same thing, and is almost as damaging.
I mean, here I am TRYING to die so that I can start getting some DPS buffs out of my Soul Container: Note that my Supply Crate is still showing me at Full Health, and my Buckler hasn't even popped: And this is nowhere close to an optimized build: Imagine adding other freeze weapons, like Frostwind Shield (evolved Battle Cog) and Frozen Shard to the mix. My Ice trinkets aren't the greatest either: Marine Necklace and Magic Needle could sub in for Leather Bracers and Buckler. Bonus:
Ice Geyser, in particular, is even better on Glacier maps, with the constricted vertical space packing the individual geysers closer together.
2023.03.30 06:21 Particular-Movie-243 Rental assistance
Has anyone had success in receiving a one time emergency rental assistance payment recently (as in last 30 or so days)? I haven’t received an eviction letter and in no way do I want one issued due to it’s nearly impossible to get another rental after an eviction. I lost my employment approx 3 weeks ago, and I was barely making ends meet whilst working so Ive accrued no savings and was recently sued from a collection agency, I was only saved from garnishment because my daughter agreed to loan me the funds to pay them off. Obviously I’m looking for work non stop but I’m running out of money pretty quickly and I don’t have any transportation of my own so I’m kinda tied to work in my immediate area. I do not have enough $ in my account to make full rent payment this upcoming month, can prob borrow from family to cover the remaining but after that I’m in deep water. Just for reference I was working at a fast food establishment, as almost a senior adult, with these rental prices in LV is the primary reason I don’t have a savings account to rely on. I completely realize it’s a 1 time payment grant & I’m okay with that….just need a chance to get on my feet again. Any answers on eligibility and wait time? I received a letter to call the office before April 1st. Thank you, for any and all replies.
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2023.03.30 06:21 BrainInteresting8054 anyone else unable to properly form connections due to being isolated a lot as a child?
i was abused and left alone a lot as a child which I believe gave me bad social issues. Im much better than i was but im still having trouble connecting with people. Anyone else? Its getting to be painful for me as i near my 30s and still learning stuff my peers learned in high school and i am unable to keep close connections.
submitted by BrainInteresting8054
to CPTSD [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:20 vgm106 Suggested place to see - based on my preferences...
My first time to Toronto and Canada. I'll be there this weekend from Friday noon to Sunday afternoon. I like architecture, museums and walking around and staring at things in general. So could you guys please suggest me an itinerary? I am staying somewhere near wychwood.
Also, Sunday 1 am is the F1 Australian gran prix, any one know a good place to watch that?
submitted by vgm106
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2023.03.30 06:20 Tern_Larvidae-2424 Would you like to come and live in my mansion?
The video appeared on my recommendation feed at 1 in the night.
I promised my wife that I won’t use any electronic devices while in our vacation home (or a mansion) but I thought it won’t hurt to use it when she was asleep. I was extra careful to not wake her up as along with walking outside, me breaking her promises are the two things she hates the most. The silence was making me feel lonely as well but sitting down on the chair in the balcony made me appreciate the beautiful forest around us. Yet I knew this will be one of the rare chances that I’ll get to use my phone in this week long vacation especially since she had already urged me to have a hard-drinking game tomorrow night.
Then as I was scrolling down on my feed a video that was uploaded only an hour ago by a channel named “Aa12eightythree”. I usually avoid channels with wacky names like that, especially if they’re not verified but something about the bluish thumbnail with a shadow being illuminated on the radio made me think why don’t I give this video a shot. The video had no title which was nothing new and within a second I realized that it was a music video.
Except that there wasn’t much of a “video” in that.
The instrumental went on for the first 40 odd seconds, and then a vocaloid began singing. The lyrics were sounding gurgled and for the next 30 seconds I couldn’t recognize a thing. But the repetitive, soothing melody made me stay. The other thing that made me stay was the slight motion of the shadow. I could make out more of the shadow now. The shadow was definitely a female with an hourglass figure and it had a tinge of familiarity. I squinted my eyes hard enough to realize that she was dancing to the melody but before I could make more out of the song just screeched to an end.
“Did I stare into the figure for too long?”
No I didn’t. It was only 20 seconds past 2 minutes even though the video was 3 minutes and 22 seconds long. Then it appeared as if the shadow was closing her face in on the radio, but it shouldn’t have been possible. I could make out the facial features of the shadow and it was the most least feminine thing one could think of.
Its eyes, cheekbones and nose were the most definite of them but all of them were a bit too big for a face that petite. The eyes were looking down so far but the moment they looked towards the screen I turned my phone off. I couldn’t get a look in its eyes but I felt like I shouldn’t. I quietly returned to the bedroom with the phone still in my hand. It was irrational to be scared of a disproportionate face on the screen of an electronic device but I wasn’t irrational enough to just rest the phone in the balcony out of fear. I placed the phone on the desk near our bed and put up the blanket she had kicked away while sleeping back on her. As I saw her laid on her stomach I realized why I thought that figure was familiar.
“Hey sleepy-head wake up would ya? You can’t sleep that deep when we’re in the time of our life!”
These loud words woke me up. I opened my eyes slowly to see my vibrant wife, with a radio held in her hands.
“Look what I found under the stairs!” – She said as she proceeded to put the radio in my hands. I wasn’t about to hold a heavy object seconds after waking up so I put that thing on the table and went to wash my face. As I cleaned my eyes I remembered about the video last night. “What a coincidence” – I thought.
I returned and asked my wife if that had always been there but she claimed to not know a thing. This vacation home was owned by her aunt but for some reason she lit herself on fire and then jumped into the lake. I’ve never seen her and neither did I hear much about her so I didn’t know if it was natural for her to commit suicide. All I knew was that she never married and my wife heard from her mother that she didn’t if she even had a boyfriend in her life, ever. She left everything she had to her only sibling.
Neither I nor my wife knew how to operate a radio so I opened my phone to Google it. I wasn’t enthusiastic about it but my wife was.
But she wasn’t. I don’t know why but I felt that she wasn’t. It was almost as if she had burdened to operate it.
The more the day went on the more the feeling crept up on me. She was romantic, but not romantic enough to appreciate the beauty of dining table that seemed pretty boringly normal to me. The walls (which looked good I agree) were never short of compliments by my wife. And the same went on for nearly everything about the house until I said, “Let’s go explore the roof, there’s a lot of beauty in the nature that surrounds us here.”
Her tone changed and it didn’t take a moment for me to realize how insensitive that might’ve been.
Even though I’ve known her for years I still had no clue on how to proceed but she changed herself almost forcefully and proceeded to hold my hand and take me to the forest outside, on foot.
After all that, the drinking game came. Neither I nor my wife was much of a hard drinker so it ended quickly. She could only tolerate three shots though I cranked it up to five. We were to bed by 12, but I didn’t feel sleepy. My wife was groggy though. At around 12:50 I decided to go to the balcony to spend some time on my phone when the memory of last night came back to me. I opened YouTube to have the same video recommended to me.
But this was uploaded only an hour ago. The thumbnail was the same and it too didn’t have any title but it was only an hour old. I clicked on the channel but it was the channel’s first upload.
Well that was creepy.
But that didn’t stop me from watching the video. I didn’t have my headphones on me so I watched it on no sound and this time inside the first 20 seconds the face appeared. Knowing what will come I didn’t feel scared but before the eyes were revealed I did have a fleeting thought of turning my phone off. The eyes despite being enlarged were human-like. Despite the utter darkness I could make out that her eyes were hazel colored. She was mouthing something so I turned the volume up just a bit and got it close to my ear.
“She shouldn’t have done that.”
“I shouldn’t have done that.”
Two distinct voices came to me simultaneously, one from the phone and the other from my bedroom. It wasn’t new to have my wife sleep talking but this was a creepy co-incidence. Not more came off the video but this time I did complete the full length, which was still 3 minutes and 22 seconds.
The next day I was about to put the tray of tea-cups on the table for my wife when they fell to the floor. She tended to my wounds made by the scathing tea right away and cleaned up the floor as well. I think she came here in her childhood as she had a very good idea of where all the cleaning equipment were kept.
Looking at the radio in our bedroom I remembered the videos of the night. I thought about telling my wife about those but thought she might be angry at me for breaking my promise. As we both sat dull on the bed I decided to break the silence.
“So there was this video last night-”
Shit. I didn’t intent to break the silence with those words. Her eyes gleamed back to me, not with anger. I decided to keep on with it and told her the story. I was so into telling her about the videos that it was only after I finished did I notice the tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Can you please get out of the home with me for a sec?”
She had requested me many things in her life but somehow I realized that it was the most important thing she has ever wanted for me.
Under the tree she told me everything.
“Remember the day we fought about none of us having a future because of the way things are going? I went straight to my mom after that and she requested me to go visit my aunt as she’d feeling quite depressed lately. I went to her house, or mansion you should say. She was happy to see her niece after ages but somehow I wasn’t. I didn’t like how that loner of an old woman had so much yet she was feeling what, depressed? How privileged. She had a whole mansion to herself when me and you had to live inside that cramped apartment, both of us having to put up with each other’s shit. Each day I saw her, closely and for the love of my life I couldn’t understand why she was so down all the time. You have everything I could ever want! That’s when it hit me. I can just put her out of her misery. It would benefit her and benefit myself, greatly. I imagined a life where both of us could live here with all the freedom one could want. But I knew that the thoughts will only remain as an imagination. Never could I kill my aunt. But I think one cheat code that old people have is experience. One evening as I was tending to her she told me, “You’re having dark thoughts, haven’t you?” I was taken aback. “What do you mean”?
“You are right, I don’t deserve this.”
I decided not to delve further as I was scared that perhaps she was just rambling about and I would mistakenly let thoughts be known to her. The next day I heard a loud shriek from the roof and by the time I reached there I saw my burning aunt fling herself to the lake.”
I didn’t know how to feel about all this. I couldn’t anger up on her since I knew the thoughts she had were to improve the condition of our lives. She didn’t even act on those impulses. This mansion is nice though, I wondered. “Would I have been able to conceal my desires if I had been in her place?”
“I was absolutely lifeless as I saw the scene.” – She restarted. “But after I read the letter my feelings were left nowhere to shelter itself. The letter was kept under a radio on the table. I tore down the letter and burned it as it could be used for evidence against me as it mentioned my dark thoughts in the end but I don’t know what anyone would’ve done knowing her dark desires in her youth. Getting a girlfriend, a rich one at that in an age where she wouldn’t even be accepted by her own family she moved in with her at this mansion. Secretly, they put each other on their wills as well. Not that my aunt had anything to leave her to. But somehow, someway she killed her. She described it as strangulation but didn’t go much into the details. The guilt had been eating her up ever since and I think my desires pushed her off the edge on the day.”
She was near tears at this point and I held her close. I forgave her. How could I not? Her tears couldn’t stop falling, but mine didn’t fall. It never did.
Until now. Five years later I’m writing this, thinking it would absorb me of my guilt somehow. It won’t. Someway, somehow I killed her. I don’t know if I can enjoy living in this mansion now, but I hope that whoever finds me here can even if that comes at the expense of my life.
submitted by Tern_Larvidae-2424
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2023.03.30 06:20 granfort54 Physical performance since going vegan
I’ve noticed so many great things since transitioning to a totally plant based diet. I was vegetarian for ~2 years before 2023.
My recovery when I’m training is greatly improved. I just finished training and running a half marathon, and was able to recover phenomenally well. I was hitting 35-40mi weeks, and bouncing back day over day like it was nothing.
Time, and output wise, I held 189bpm heart rate over the length of the race. Averaged way under expected pace finishing off at 1:37.
It felt pretty gratifying to crush personal expectations and to be able to share with the family and friends. Many had said I wouldn’t get enough protein, or be weak, or unable to perform at a high level.
I’m onto training for a standard triathlon, and then onto a full marathon near the end of the year. I’m almost feeling like I’m pushing my athletic performance so much, because I feel the need to represent being an athlete is possible(if not potentially better) on a vegan diet. It’s this weird chip on the shoulder for me, but either way I’m loving it.
submitted by granfort54
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2023.03.30 06:19 masonjar16 [Routine help] ISO new moisturizer for very dry, sensitive skin
AM: Native Sensitive Facial Cleanser, The Body Shop Hemp Face Protector, Neutrogena Invisible Daily Defense Sunscreen
PM: Native Sensitive Facial Cleanser, Paula’s Choice 2% BHA Exfoliant (every other night), The Body Shop Hemp Face Protector
I’m (25M) looking for a new moisturizer because no physical stores near me carry The Body Shop’s Hemp Face Protector and I’m tired of having to order it and pay for shipping. I’m considering Weleda Skin Food Cream but wanted to get other recommendations!
Also I’ve tried CeraVe Moisturizing Cream and my skin does not like it.
submitted by masonjar16
to SkincareAddiction [link] [comments]