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After retiring, we were able to "reunite" with our mother; chatting became our daily routine.

2023.03.22 07:04 Upstairs-Form1418 After retiring, we were able to "reunite" with our mother; chatting became our daily routine.

Worried about my mother being lonely, I moved in with her. Walking into this familiar village, I rarely see my childhood friends. Most of the village is old, lonely men and widows, waiting in the spacious room and looking at the screen, which is extraordinarily quiet. Since the mother insisted on going home and returning to the countryside to live alone. The mother was satisfied and smiled brightly.

I remember when I was five or six years old, it was a difficult time, and I was skinny and lonely, walking around ten miles from Zhanghua Village to my mother's house. The door was opened, and the half-covered door was pushed open. The mother was sitting on the head of the bed wearing a printed headscarf, and the younger brother was wrapped in a thin quilt, waiting to be fed. When my mother saw me, she said, "Hey, how did you get here?" My tears fell like broken beads. My mother got up quickly, took out a paper bag from the bedside table, opened it layer by layer, squeezed a small ball of brown sugar (which she ate during confinement), and poured boiling water into a large porcelain bowl. I was so hungry and thirsty that I didn't care too much. I took the hot bowl and drank it with my head up, which made me scream. This is also the most unforgettable "sweet memory" in my life.

Our mother and son cherish the time, are inseparable, and lie in the same room at night; chatting in our respective beds three steps apart, a series of secrets and anecdotes, ups and downs. As I talked, I responded from the initial "hmm" to the snoring sound of falling asleep. When I was woken up by the chirping birds in the morning, my mother had already prepared breakfast, and the first thing she said when she saw me was, "Your snoring is so loud, it's exactly like mine." There is an old saying about knowing a child like a mother". Day after day, those whispers that blend into the blood of the soul clarify the emotional context of our mother and child.

Because my biological father and my mother had a disagreement in their personalities in the early years, I didn't live with my mother when I was young. Both mother and son have a tacit grievance. Those past events are unbearable to look back on; with a long cry, they suddenly fall. Those misfortunes and encounters in life, in front of my mother, there is nothing I can't let go of. There are two old houses, one is the old house I used to live in, which no longer exists now; but the old house where my mother lived gave me a sense of belonging in my later years.

In the cold winter and the twelfth lunar month, it is so pleasant to be able to lean against the gable and bask in the sun with my mother, chat about homework, fill the space between heaven and earth, and fill my heart. My mother raised me, and I grow old with my mother, I hope that I am worthy of my heart.
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2023.03.22 06:58 throwrabeanchr How do I (30f) leave my bf (35m) when I reallllllllly don't want to?

I (30f) have been with my bf (35m) for 8 years, lived together for 7.5. No kids, but cats that he will probably take, and an apartment that is definitely mine. Joint bank account, but not suuuper messy to clean up and separate. Unfortunately, I've thought this out.
My question is how do I leave my best friend in the least emotionally damaging way possible?
Some background: I have not 100% decided to leave, but I am preparing some things. It would be awesome to get some advice before I make this life changing decision. I'm trying my hardest to give him a few more weeks and some chances at therapy. We have always had a toxic relationship, but he's been there for me through the most important years of my life. He gets me in a way I don't think anyone else ever will, and I have a lot of fun just being with him, he's a very smart and interesting man, and I know he can be better than he's been for the past year. He is an empath and gets upset easily. He is also able to articulate his feelings well. I have diagnosed mental health issues and struggle to communicate. We fight on a near daily basis. Not always full on fights, but during a 15 day span recently, there were 10 of those days that he needed to sit me down and tell me about an issue he had. There were 17 issues total over that time span. On top of that, he lost his job 1.5 years ago and decided to do delivery gigs as a full time job. Soon after, I did the same and I'm making liveable money...for both of us. Because when I tell you he doesn't work/doesn't want to work, I'm saying he is literally contributing 10% of our household income, working about 7 hours per week. I only have a few surviving nenbers of my family, and I have no friends (assuming we aren't counting my therapist.)
How do I tell him that this isn't one of those toxic moments during a fight where I break up with him? That I have had enough of the pain? Most importantly, how do I tell MYSELF that it's time to be happy? That as much as I WANT things to work with every inch of my soul, they AREN'T and they WON'T? How do I convince myself that it is time? And not to stop him from leaving, because I honestly really just want to hug him?
This hurts so much, to want both lives so badly. The peace, or the love?
Tldr; I'm having an existential crisis about possibly leaving the person who could be my soul mate, and I don't know how to convince myself that things won't improve.
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2023.03.22 06:58 zoidko difficulty

we live in the same town and work at the same place and for me having a crush THIS hard is a first time thing and i didn’t really know how to handle it since i’m a bit older than she is and so i would occasionally make friendly conversation with her, or so i thought. then when she walked away my friends were like.. ok that was you flirting with her.
in my mind i figured it was just friendly conversation but when you can tell you can just TELL that it is not friendly conversation. like the eyes don’t lie man.
other little things ..i would catch her staring when i wasn’t looking and then the biggest issue i had was anytime i got near her she would completely almost run away. like she would immediately see me then try to avoid me at all costs if it was just gonna be the two of us and nobody else around but she had no problem speaking to me if there were other people near.
trying not to read into things but it’s very difficult for an over thinker like myself bc it has DESTROYED me as a person. which has NEVER happened before bc i don’t date/ get crushes.
it’s just hard bc i decided to back off and we live in the same town so i’m bound to run into her eventually.
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2023.03.22 06:57 AFakeAcctObvi How do I deal with doubts about my girlfriend's experience?

TL;DR - My girlfriend got blackout drunk and something happened between her and another guy. I'm just not sure what.
My girlfriend (32F) and I (34M) have been together for about 7 years. She struggles with communicating about difficult or painful things, but she's working on it with the help of a therapist. She has often hinted that “something happened” with a guy at work a couple years back, but would never reveal any details – not even if it was good or bad. She seems almost secretive about it, even though she is the one who randomly brings it up.
Today it finally came out that she thinks he sexually assaulted her, although she can’t say for sure. The story she told me is that they were at a work party and one of their co-workers “tricked them into getting really drunk.” She says she doesn’t really know what happened, but next thing she remembers is being half naked in bed as the guy is leaving her apartment.
Obviously this is a traumatic experience, and I know the worst thing I could do in this situation is blame the victim. And of course I know I should believe her. I really want to believe her. But…I can’t shake the feeling that something is a little suspicious.
Here’s why:
My girlfriend is no stranger to alcohol. We partied pretty hard in the past, and she has never blacked out drinking before or since. And she doesn’t think she was roofied – she says she woke up feeling more or less ok, not even too hungover.
However, I have seen my girlfriend when she’s drunk. She gets really friendly and does a lot of really dumb things. She often aggressively flirts with people, and she makes fast friends with total strangers. Just last week I overheard her giving her address to a group of randoms outside a bar and inviting everyone to her house after last call.
And here’s the thing – I know she thought this guy was attractive (it came up in conversation a long time ago; looking back I’m not sure if it was before or after the incident). She’s always been faithful as far as I know, but it would not be out of character for her to get physical and flirty while drinking with a co-worker she was into. In fact, that is exactly how she and I first hooked up.
How should I handle this? Statistics say that most sexual assault victims know their attacker. And this has all the signs – it seems like she was taken advantage of by someone she should have been able to trust. So I want to believe her and support her and make her feel safe. But it also seems within the realm of possibility that she drunkenly hooked up with this guy and is…trying to forget it? Pretend it didn’t happen?
Am I a piece of shit for even thinking this? Or am I right to be skeptical? I don’t know, but I’m driving myself crazy with these thoughts. I would love an outside perspective, if possible from a woman who might have had a similar experience. Any insight you could offer would be much appreciated.
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2023.03.22 06:53 Trying2ImproveMyLife my fuse has been getting shorter and I've been raising my voice a lot and shouting at my elderly parents, and it's eating me alive

I hate myself for this. I fucking hate myself I'm like this now.
I feel like all joy has been sucked out of my life for so many years now. And as I was spiraling my parents took me in. They're elderly, in their very late 60s. I've been staying with them for 5 years now going on 6.
Lately, my patience has been non-existent, I get set off by the smallest of things. I am constantly anxious and stressed and unhappy. Unfortunately, I've been taking it out on my parents, and it's driving me insane. I don't want to do it, I feel like I'm abusing them, I am abusing them.
I'm a fucking worthless asshole piece of shit. I don't know how to fix this. I'm saving all my money so that I can upgrade my skills and move out, as it is, I can't afford to move out now, rents are absolutely insane.
I've been working a fuck ton of hours for 3 years straight paying every extra cent I have towards debt I owe. I'm nearly there and that's why I'm looking to improve my skills and get a better paying job within this year, but I'm worried about how my treatment of my parents is deteriorating rapidly and I have no idea why I'm being like this.
I feel like shit. I'm pretty sure I'm making my parents lives miserable and making them feel like shit. I'm at the point where I'd rather be homeless than keep doing this to them. I make my mom cry a lot, and I'm crying a lot because I'm causing this.
Fuck I'm an asshole and I hate myself.
A fucking loser.
Worthless piece of shit.
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2023.03.22 06:51 Sevchenko874 [Fan Work of Fan Work] Koishi Komeiji's Heart Throbbing Adventure The Interim Chapter 12

You Matter to Her in a Way No One Else Could
When you died and were reborn, you became divine. You were love, and you were violence, and you were my miracle. A God sprung forth from the decaying machinery of your broken body. Koishi, the God of Love and Hate—have mercy on us all.
Down by the shore of one of the great Lunar seas, there sat a lonely shack thatched with feathers. Inside, there was a massive wani no less than eight leagues long… and her infant son. To that crocodile who had never known true familial love, that delicate little child—who cooed and smiled at his mother’s every move—was nothing less than a miracle. Such a delicate life in her claws, who knew nothing but unconditional love for his mother—to the crocodile, it was proof there was still good in the world.
She was tired, but the crocodile forced herself to stay awake. There was something she needed to do—a memory she wanted to share with the most important person in her life.
So, with all the caution and tenderness in the world, she picked up her child with her jaws and coaxed him into her throat pouch. The newborn child, perhaps having some shared instinct with his crocodilian mother, did not cry or struggle. Instead, he let out a giggle as he poked his head out from between his mother’s jagged teeth. With a snort, the dragon climbed out of her thatch hut, and crawled along the shore, drawing a meandering trail in the sand as she went.
When she reached the point where the water came to shore in gentle waves, the crocodile set herself down in the sand, letting the waves wash in and lick at her child in gentle sprays. Her child giggled as the Lunar sea’s tickled him with its pure waters, and as he did, his mother couldn’t help but feel at peace.
Nothing. Nothing at all would be able to take this from her.
Her miracle.
Toyohime opened her eye to clear blue skies.
She flexed her fingers, and instead of feeling the cold steel of the ship she started to tear apart, she felt so many tiny pebbles, warmed by their time in the sun. Sand? She brought a fistful of the stuff into her vision, before letting it fall through her fingers and run down her face. It was too real to be a dream.
Toyohime sat up to observe her surroundings. As far as the eye could see, there were infinite stretches of sand collected into wind-swept dunes that obscured the horizon. It was hot. Unbelievably so for what was supposedly the void. She felt a gentle gust of warm wind pass by her and toss her hair. This place… this impossible place… was she dead?
She rose to her feet, fighting biting aches and pains from her battle not too long ago. No—not dead. Somehow, she had survived—there was no other explanation. And as she looked down to assess the damage she had taken, her suspicions were only confirmed. Her right arm was missing, and in its place was nothing but a healed stump. The nasty cuts and bruises she had received in the fighting had all healed over for the most part, the only evidence they happened at all being residual scars that were yet to disappear. The ground was covered in dried blood. She must’ve been laying here in this sand trap for hours.
She brought her free arm, completely healed, up to the general space where her right eye was to find an arrow still protruding from it. Wrapping her fingers around the shaft, Toyohime tore it out in a fluid motion, causing the wound to reopen and drip blood onto the sands below. But, through some miraculous action, it was mere moments before the flow of blood stopped as the wound healed shut. Her right eye was still inoperable, but this healing ability was downright uncanny, even for a god.
She flexed her fingers. It felt like there was a hole in her head from which memories and feelings poured out. The mystery of how she got here, who she killed, and whether she could even trust her own senses had no answer—Toyohime knew she herself had made sure of that. She supposed there was a good reason. The less she knew, the better. That was something she could trick herself into believing.
Though no matter how much she forced herself to forget, she had the horrible feeling she had done something unforgivable—something she would kill over. In a sea of atrocities however, she could hardly even begin to suppose what that might have been. Maybe the heat was starting to fry her brain.
After spending a few minutes snapping the arrows lodged in her body by their shafts, Toyohime looked to the horizon, and then up. Ahead, there was a massive sand dune, no less than five times her height, and beyond the crest—a black pillar of smoke. Toyohime was not alone.
As she made her way up the shifting incline, Toyohime got to thinking about her next course of action. If this wasn’t a hallucination, then it most certainly had to be some extension of Koishi's will. Land in an impossible space… the creation of something impossible like that could only be a factor of a deteriorating mind, or God. And Toyohime had no time to consider the possibility of a crumbling psyche—not when she had a duty left unfulfilled.
But then… that would mean this was the paradise of Koishi’s mind. Surely, by her side is where she would find her salvation. She had already come to terms with it—that there was nothing left for her in the old world. Koishi could pervert and corrupt reality in whatever twisted ways she wanted—as long as it was the creation of her heart, it would be sufficient. Everything beyond that was not worth saving to the former princess.
… But that also meant there would be more enemies. More people she had to kill. She was ready. Ready to kill and ready to die in the name of love.
And as she planted her boot upon the peak of that sand dune, she saw the whole world become bare before her. A fair distance away was the crashed wreck of a golden ship, releasing plumes of black smoke as it burnt away. From this distance, it was difficult to make out any finer details, but she was sure the occupants had escaped. Satori was resourceful and stubborn, if nothing else. Dying in a crash was an impossibility.
She then traced a line from the ship through the shifting sands—to a city upon the horizon. Massive towers of glass and steel pushing against the sky, half buried in the sand, bending light around them as they reflected the intense heat of the sun. It gave the sight an unnatural fuzziness, as if the city was threatening to disappear at any moment.
As she traced the decaying visage of those buildings upwards, she saw a thin line reach beyond and into the sky. The line separated into two before converging back on itself. Above the city, etched upon the sky itself, was a pitch black gap in reality, opened and filled with so many eyes. And above still, the object of Toyohime’s desires and her sole driving factor—Koishi Komeiji.
Though the God’s eye was open, as well as the myriad collection of smaller eyes and drooling jaws that had lined every square inch of her squirming appendages, it was hard to tell if she was awake or conscious. Toyohime knew Koishi best, and if she had any guess as to what Koishi had been doing in the time they spent apart, it was receding back into the numbing comfort of her own mind. Even now, Toyohime figured she was still dreaming, avoiding the cruel weight of her responsibility. What manifested outside of her mind must’ve been some sort of twisted runoff.
Down there, hidden in the dunes, Toyohime knew there were those who would take this dream from Koishi. Those who would hurt Koishi. Those people would’ve done just as well to dig their own graves and build their own coffins. Because so long as Toyohime drew breath, she would protect Koishi with everything she could muster—that was her promise and the nature of her impossible, unconditional love.
Koishi was Toyohime’s second chance.
This time, one way or another, there would be no opportunity for a third.
Mima, on the other hand, had woken up quite a bit earlier than Toyohime had.
She had not suffered any fatal wounds or debilitating strikes leading up to the point where the reality around her started to crumble and distort—but she had briefly lost consciousness regardless. She figured that might’ve been a good thing; an action so absurd and so against everything she knew, perpetrated by an impossibly powerful being… even if a mere glimpse didn’t physically tear her mind to ribbons, she had no interest in trying to understand such a nonsensical event.
Mima awoke not in a desert, but in a grand sprawling city of seemingly human construction. Though the sun still hung overhead, the impossible hills and mountains of sand that caged the city in, always seemed to shift and move in the most calculated way… such that the sun was always put out. Caught in the shade, the city looked like it was in a perpetual night, in spite of the blinding yellow of the endless desert just beyond its limits.
Though that was the case, the city was far from dark. Street lamps, blinding neon signs, blinking traffic lights, apartments and houses with windows illuminated by the fluorescent lights within… It gave the impression the city was alive. It seemed exactly as a real bustling city at night, with its breathing and blinking—but there were no people. No matter how far Mima walked, no matter how many buildings she popped in, she would encounter no souls. She would find, in those buildings, immaculate setpieces filled with lived-in charm, hints and implications of life—but not people. Not even Yukari, who she wandered the streets in search of.
She recognized this place. This city—Tokyo. It couldn’t have possibly been, but it was the same Tokyo she grew up in, back before the Moonlight Descent and before the Kaiju. Before her chance meeting with the youkai who used to be her friend. This city, trapped in the middle of the desert, caught in an artificial night that obscured the flow of time—somehow it managed to be the perfect recreation of a long lost city, as if someone had taken a scalpel to the part of Mima’s brain that held onto the precious memories of her past life. It was comforting, being back in familiar territory, but it also carried along a pervasive uneasiness. The nostalgia said it was real, but the rational mind knew better than to buy into an impossible mirage—made all the more uneasy by the deathly silence of its streets.
After wandering around for a dozen minutes or more, Mima eventually came to find Yukari in a 24-hour fast food joint. She was sitting, out of her suit and miraculously healed, on a stool that faced the street outside, with her head down and a small pool of drool collecting at the point where the corner of her mouth met the countertop. Renko always said Maribel could fall asleep anywhere.
Mima floated back and forth around the gently snoring form of Yukari for a bit, considering her options. She changed back into her Renko form for a second, and after adjusting her hat a little, she reached over to tap Yukari on the shoulder… but then shied away. Glancing at Yukari, then back to her bag, she rummaged through its bottomless contents and pulled out a whole host of items: hand mirrors, makeup kits, two liter bottles of listerine, mints and peppermint breath spray and assorted beauty products.
She stole a quick glance back at Yukari to make sure she was asleep before going at it—in one go, she dumped every minty product she could into her mouth before swishing the unholy mixture in her mouth. It was not a moment later that she coughed out all of that liquid ice with a retch and a gag. Sheepishly, she turned her head to see if Yukari had woken up in all the commotion. Luckily, she was still knocked out something fierce. Mima might’ve guessed she was dead, if it weren’t for the occasional snore.
Undeterred, she opened a hand mirror and began to apply her makeup. Carefully. There was a subtle art to it—she only needed enough to hide any unsightly blemishes she might’ve gotten from her rather shut-in lifestyle as a ghost. Anything more, and Maribel was bound to notice Mima was purposefully fixing her appearance around her. None of that. Mima was trying for a more subliminal approach… It’s what worked in the past, after all.
Well, upon further thought, Mima figured “worked” was too strong a word. She did die before she saw any results, after all. But enough of that, Mima thought—now that she regained her memories, she’s finally gotten another shot. This being the apocalypse and all, she figured she should probably make it count.
She clicked close her portable hand mirror and, along with the rest of her stuff, threw it back into her field bag. She stole one last glance at Yukari, who was still sleeping soundly, before straightening her hat and clearing her throat.
“Maribel…” she said in a quiet, sing-song voice. She placed a hand on Yukari’s shoulder and gave it a gentle shake. “Maribel, wake up.”
No response. Mima pouted as she shook her around again. “Merry? It’s so scary around here—I need someone super strong and amazing by my side. Maybe we could hold hands?”
Nothing but more snoring. Mima’s expression fell. “... Okay, seriously. Wake up.”
“Don’t make me break out the big guns, Merry,” Mima said, digging through her bag and pulling out an airhorn. “I’ll do it. You think I’m bluffing?”
A tense beat passes. Mima stows away the airhorn. “... Ah, I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t do something like that to you. You’re too cute, hehe.”
“I’m not above this, though.” She reaches back into her bag and pulls out a spray bottle filled with water… before giving Yukari’s face a couple of quick spritzes.
That quiet, tranquil expression to Mima seemed almost a timeless representation of the relationship she shared with Maribel quickly contorted into one of disgust. After a moment of being pelted with spray after spray of water droplets, Yukari finally was roused from her sleep, a squinty, grouchy mess.
“Who..? Urgh…” She mumbled with a groan. When Yukari saw Renko, immaculately constructed before her with enough accuracy to convince her she came straight from her memories, she froze. Her voice was barely above a whisper. “... Renko?”
“Hehe… Yep, it’s me! Your best friend. Best girl-friend, even. That is, a girl who is also a friend. Not a girlfriend, you know? Aha… Unless? Kidding, kidding.” Mima flashed an easy smile. “Glad you’re awake. Hey, before you say anything else—how do I look? I look cute, right? I know we’re in the middle of saving the world and everything, but I’ve actually been spending a lot of time taking care of my appearance.”
As Mima continued to ramble on and Yukari continued to wake up, her expression made a slow and gradual pivot. Where at first Yukari couldn’t hide her bemusement from her face—as well as that strange pained expression someone would have, seeing a loved one they have long since finished mourning appear upon their doorstep—she eventually came to settle on an empty stare and a neutral, apathetic expression. It hurt Mima a little, seeing such a radical turn in her demeanor.
“Oh,” Yukari muttered. “It’s just you.”
Mima didn’t think she intended it, but there was a layer of latent annoyance in her words. Or maybe it was disappointment? A thousand years or more apart did a lot to shift their relationship. That much was clear—and it hurt.
Yukari took a moment to look Mima up and down. With a scoff and a roll of her eyes, she delivered an unceremonious answer. “You look fine.”
Mima sighed in response. “Hey, I’ll take it.”
“More importantly…” As Yukari continued, she craned her neck around to absorb every detail of her surroundings: everything from the light fixtures above to the tables that were so meticulously set and prepared. “... Where are we?”
Her eyes naturally gravitated toward the front counter and the kitchen section that was just behind—meticulously wrapped burgers and fresh fries, set underneath heat lamps… it was as if they were all made recently. But that wasn’t even the strangest detail Yukari’s eyes were able to pick out. Upon one of the tables was a tray, filled with half eaten food—as if the patrons ceased to exist in the middle of their meal. This was beyond a mere liminal space, where it gave the impression of once being a place where people gathered—it was closer in relation to the scene of an ongoing disaster, where people had left in a hurry.
In that way, it didn’t carry much of the surreal quality of a place no longer meant for humans—it more so felt like a place with a cursed history, its sinister and mysterious narrative etched into its skin and flesh through the vestiges of human presence. Mima could tell, being a ghost herself, there was more to this place than the physical construction. As to what ‘more’ was, she could not place.
She could tell Yukari was thinking something similar by the way she walked around and took in the feeling of the place. Her posture was rigid and cautious, but not necessarily ready and waiting for danger. There was a quiet dread to the things that weren’t, but should’ve been.
“I’m trying to figure that out myself,” Mima replied, following Yukari around with her arms folded behind her back. “You’re going to think I’m crazy, but… I think we’re back in Tokyo.”
“I don’t think you’re crazy.” Yukari replied. She walked over to the table with the food and traced a finger across its top. No dust clung to the surface of her finger, as if the tabletop had recently been cleaned. She brought the back of her palm close to the food. It was still radiating just a little bit of heat, as if it had been freshly served. “That’s the part that scares me.”
“... Assuming this is all very much real, this must be Koishi’s doing,” Yukari declared, taking a moment to look down at herself. As she flexed her fingers, her eyes narrowed. Mima figured she might’ve just realized she had been healed and mysteriously back to her usual outfit. She still looked younger and weaker than she once was, but there was an undeniable, albeit subtle increase in the vitality she seemed to convey. As Yukari’s eyes wandered to the empty city street outside, Mima couldn’t help but notice that expression—that idle, faraway gaze that looked like Yukari had trapped herself in a vivid daydream. She couldn’t help but realize how much Maribel had changed—and yet stayed the same.
“Whatcha thinking, Merry?” Mima tried, shuffling up to Yukari’s side.
“Oh. Right. Ha, that’s my bad. My bad…”
“I’m thinking: why Tokyo specifically?” With a wave of her hand, Yukari opened a gap next to her. Through that little tear in reality was a bird’s eye view of the whole city, as well as the infinite desert that surrounded it. “... There must be some significance to this location, but I couldn’t possibly imagine what it could be. Not right now, knowing what we know.”
“Hey, I grew up in Tokyo, you know? Maybe it has something to do with that? And… y’know, we were teaching in Tokyo before…” Mima gestured vaguely around herself. “... Everything, I guess. Maybe Koishi’s reacting to our memories.”
“Could be. Could just as easily be something related to Koishi. Could be nothing at all.” The view through the gap eventually fizzled out, leaving nothing but the inky blackness of the pocket dimension Yukari held dominion over. She let out a sigh before stitching the gap closed with a wave of her hand. “I’d suggest we keep on moving. Collect as much information as we can about this place. But only what we need—the plan is still largely the same. There’s no telling when she will appear again. Best be as quick about it as we can.”
“Oh. Uh… Alright. That’s cool.”
“... What?”
“What’s wrong? You disagree?”
“Oh no, ah…” A sheepish grin crawled across Mima’s face. “I was just thinking about how much you’ve changed, is all. It’s just… you know, a huge city missing all of its people is pretty mysterious, huh? Don’t you want to do more exploring? Poke around a bit and take in the sights? Like we used to—just one last time?”
There was an unsettling period of silence where Yukari stared straight through Mima with that flat look. She averted her eyes for a passing moment. When Yukari returned her gaze to Mima, it was steely and cold. “No. Neither of us are kids anymore. We have duties and responsibilities that we can not abandon. Not for anything.”
Yukari brushed past Mima. The gesture wasn’t very rough at all, but Mima felt it come at her hard. As Yukari opened the door, she looked back at Mima and gestured to her to follow.
“Let’s go.”
Orin did not want much from life.
There was Satori, her master, who she cared about deeply. There was Okuu, her best friend, who she loved. There was Koishi, the younger sister of her master, who she felt obligated to take care of. And of course, there was her job of transporting corpses, which she could do endlessly and without tiring. Those things more or less encompassed everything she cared about—Orin was a simple person.
So as she crawled out the emergency hatch located at the top of the ship her master had so recklessly buried into a sand dune, she couldn’t help but feel so hopelessly out of her depth. With a groan, she hoisted herself over the lip of the hatch before losing her balance and tumbling over.
As she tumbled downward, bumping her head against every little edge the ship had on her way down, the visor to her suit cracked and then shattered. But as she flopped down into the warm sand, her arms and legs spread in a state of absolute fatigue, she couldn’t really bring herself to care about the warning tones in her helmet—or the fact she was able to breathe the air here, in what used to be the void. Frankly, all she could think about was how much she wanted to go home.
“Orin! Are you okay?” A familiar voice called from somewhere outside her field of vision. It was followed by the hasty clattering of boots on metal as they no doubt clambered down the ship in a hurry.
All Orin could offer in response was a weak grunt and the extension of a thumbs up.
“Are… are you insane?” Another voice called soon after, all breathless and hoarse. It cracked with exertion, as if it had already been worn out by so much screaming. “Satori, what form of devil possessed you to do that? We could’ve all died!”
Satori, of course, didn’t respond. Not before she entered Orin’s field of view, her own helmet long since thrown away. Her face was etched with a rare look of concern, and she breathed a deep sigh of relief when she saw Orin manage a weak smile. Wordlessly, Satori jostled off the smashed helmet from Orin’s suit and brushed away any remaining debris… before pulling her into a tight embrace.
Orin, dazed and shocked from the crash, could manage little else than to rest her head upon her master’s shoulders as she was pulled in. But through whatever stores of energy she had left, she managed to raise her arms and wrap them around in loose reciprocation.
“I’m okay,” she whispered. “I’m okay.”
Satori pulled back from the hug, but stayed kneeling by Orin’s side. Cautiously, she looked to the horizon, as if she had caught a vanishing glimpse of something stalking them from behind the shifting sands. She extended an elbow for Orin to grab on to. “Let’s go. Can you stand?”
“I… I think so,” Orin mumbled, hooking one of her arms around Satori’s elbow and placing a hand on her shoulder for support. Her master lifted, and in response Orin tried her best to stumble onto her feet, with mixed results. As she straightened herself out with the help of Satori, she heard her bones shift and crackle in strange ways—followed by an absolute lightning strike of localized pain in the leg and the fuzzy static that came to replace it.
After a sharp intake of breath and a pained wince, Orin settled into a decidedly unconvincing posture—she plastered a smile on her face and shifted all of her weight onto the other leg in a poor imitation of nonchalance, but Satori’s face only got graver. It broke Orin’s heart. For a moment, Orin tried to separate herself from her master so she could stand on her own—but Satori only squeezed her in closer, as if she would’ve lost Orin the second she let go.
That didn’t surprise Orin much. She knew better than anyone that the events one year ago were still fresh in her master’s mind. Even now, it haunted her every action, and now the consequences were starting to catch up with everyone involved. But to Orin, that didn’t matter. It never did—not so long as Satori was her master, and Orin was her pet. Satori could march to the deepest pit of Hell, pick a fight with a God, oppose reality itself… and Orin would march along right beside her, no matter what.
Patchouli, on the other hand, did not share the same sentiment. She marched up to the two, at least temporarily uncaring of the fantastical environment they found themselves in, and went straight to airing out her grievances.
“Recklessly engaging with Toyohime like that, against all better logic… one day, and this day might very well come sooner than you think, your obsession with that cursed woman will hurt someone you care about,” Patchouli snapped. As she looked to Orin, whose body was riddled with evidence of blunt trauma, her expression softened. “... It already has.”
“As if we had any other choice. It was our best shot to kill her, once and for all,” Satori replied, stone-faced and cold. “... Besides, let Orin speak for herself. As if you know what she does and doesn’t wish for.”
“... Orin wasn’t the only person who got hurt. Or killed.”
“It just so happens that Eirin conveniently falls outside my definition of ‘people I care about.’ I fail to see the issue.” Satori snorted with disgust, as if offended by the mere implication. Orin wanted to speak up and cut between the fighting, but couldn’t find the strength to oppose her own master. “That aside, who says I was the one who got her killed? She got herself killed, following her own incomprehensible mess of half-baked ideas and strategies. What are you coming at me for?”
“How could you be so cold toward someone like her? Especially since we were all fighting out there together, as comrades? Have you no shame?”
“I’ve no love for her. Not after what she did to my sister.” Satori stared straight into Patchouli’s eyes. Sometimes her master was like this—staring straight ahead through a person, as if judging the content of their soul itself. Sometimes, this was literally the case, given that she made liberal use of her opened third eye. “We might be fighting beside each other, but we’re fighting for completely different things. Yukari, Eirin, Kaguya, even you and I—we’re all fighting for something different. Those are just the facts. Just as it was a fact that Koakuma had darkness in her heart. It’s that kind of fact.”
“How cynical. Aren’t we friends?”
Satori fixed Patchouli with a steady glare as she thought through her answer. Even with an open eye, Orin found her master’s thought process difficult to parse.
“... No. We aren’t,” Satori settled. “It’s not a secret—I’m fighting to get my sister back. I’m fighting to kill the person who turned her into a monster. I’m fighting to protect my family. You are doing none of those things—you’re fighting for a more abstract reason: protecting the world, or preventing human suffering, or whatever other justification you assign to your actions. It’s admirable, but recognize that It’s only by convenience that we’re here, helping each other out.”
“... Is that right?” Patchouli muttered under her breath. “Then if it came between Yukari, or Eirin, or me, or anyone else… and your family. Who would you choose?”
“It’s best to be honest with ourselves. It saves us the heartache.”
“I see.”
In the silence that came after, the atmosphere seemed to become heavier. Orin spent each passing beat being suffocated by the pressure. Her eyes darted from Patchouli to her master, and then back again.
“Er…” Orin started. “Let’s ah… could we just figure out what we’re going to do next, maybe? Without fighting—that would be nice.”
“Good plan, Orin,” Satori said. Though strangely enough, she wouldn’t take her eyes off of Patchouli. “I’m not quite sure what we would do without you.”
Patchouli looked away. Orin couldn’t help but feel vaguely responsible—though the second the thought even popped into mind, Satori squeezed a little tighter, as if in reassurance.
“... There’s no use in arguing,” Patchouli said with a heavy sigh. “Or rather, it’s a subject for later, when we aren’t all in danger. For now, I agree—we should figure out our next steps.”
The guns had long since run quiet.
Those satellites—their powerful bodies forged by the greatest minds, cast in the strongest metals, and mounted with the fiercest weapons humanity could muster—how could they have possibly matched the horror of God’s wrath? They could never, and for their hubris, their bodies and their souls were scattered and broken as a million glittering lights upon the ocean.
Those were the kinds of things Kaguya Houraisan thought about as she sat beside a flickering fire, her only source of light deep in the darkness of a desert night, not a few meters from the turned and battered wreckage of the CNS Beyond the Sun. In the void, It was battered by unseen force, turned three times—and upon the fourth, struck down and consumed by the void, as was the divine will of God. To its crew, it might have seemed like nothing less than a castigation of divine nature—but Kaguya knew it was nothing more than the temper tantrum of a child. As infant children must necessarily cry, Koishi must necessarily kill—it was her unconscious will.
Woe upon humanity, as its greatest accomplishment was brought low and made worthless before a child. Her own child. What a dubious honor it was—being the mother of such a terrifying, omnipresent killer.
Kaguya was on the ship when it was attacked by Toyohime. She was there to see Eirin march on to meet her. And she was there to see her die. It didn’t bother Kaguya too much—after all, she had watched Eirin die countless times. She will likely watch her die countless more, before all is said and done. But it was there, seized by the temporary shock, that Kaguya lost consciousness. When she woke up, she was deep within the fresh wreckage of humanity’s greatest weapon—alone. On what happened to her crew, and why Kaguya was spared, she could only make guesses.
With no direction and no plan, Kaguya spent what felt like hours wandering the claustrophobic halls of that great metal cage of a ship. But she was alone. Alone in such a way that not even the impression of humanity remained. Even the spot where she saw three men become atomized by Toyohime’s attack, which had burnt dark impressions of their silhouettes into the steel, was mysteriously void of any sign they were killed at all. The damage remained, but the people were gone—erased from existence in a way only God could manage.
When she eventually emerged from the dark recesses of the ship into a darker night, with nothing but the stars above and the inexplicable ground below, she could do nothing but start a simple fire. The night was cold, and she had a feeling it would be long. Warmth would be needed.
This, alone and huddled by a dying fire, must have been the end. Kaguya shifted closer to the flame, and held her knees closer to her chest. She didn’t know what to do. When her own daughter had sought her out, she didn’t know what to say. All she could do was recognize—that in pursuit of an easy life, she had made things so much worse. She wondered if it was too late to make things right between herself and Koishi. If Kaguya had looked up to her daughter now, and said sorry, would she hear? Would she care?
She wasn’t sure. And she wasn’t sure if she wanted to find out.
As she stared at the stars above, Kaguya heard the shuffling of boots displacing the sand. The sounds came in an irregular, halting motion. When it came to a stop, Kaguya lowered her gaze to the figure who stood at the edge of her fire’s light.
A moon rabbit in a pilot suit, all ripped up, tattered, and blackened by combat. In the gaps of her suit, her skin had melted away from severe burns—and froze in place, creating large patches of gangrenous tissue that covered her body. As Kaguya’s eyes drifted downward, she noticed a patch of body that had a view to the other side. Somehow, by some miracle of medicine, the wound remained stable and closed.
Her face was concealed by her helmet, tinted and patterned by a spider web of cracks, but by the way she stood, so still and lopsided, Kaguya had the impression of an empty gaze just behind the facade.
The moon rabbit carried in her left hand a revolver, its chambers empty and on display as the mechanism that connected the grip to the top half of the hung loose. In her other hand, was an ax, splintered in half at the handle from excessive use and its blade caked in a thick layer of blood.
Without a word, the moon rabbit collapsed into a heap by the fire.
Kaguya rushed to the moon rabbit’s side and, upon removing her helmet, froze.
Atonement—she wondered if it was even possible.
Previous Chapter:
Interim Chapter 11
submitted by Sevchenko874 to touhou [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:50 TARecoveringAA Landlord sent me a bill for his son's birthday present and tried to evict me when I didn't pay it.

It was recently my landlord's son's birthday, who I get along with decently. I wouldn't say we're friends, but we've had the occasional conversation and spent time together before because we have mutual hobbies. Over the past year or so though, I've grown apart from the son because every time I tried to invite him to something, he'd cancel last minute with a long-winded excuse as to what happened. Whatever though, not all friendships work out.
So as his birthday was coming around, my landlord asked if I had any idea what his son might want as a gift, and I let my landlord know about a specific game that his son had been interested in. It was Twilight Imperium 4th edition for anyone who's curious. The whole game runs about $150.
After I let my landlord know that his son wanted this game, my landlord mentioned that the game was really expensive, especially for some plastic and a little bit of cardboard. I agreed that it was a bit pricey, but assured him that $150 for that game was fairly reasonable. It took a little convincing, and showing him comparable games, but after a while, my landlord agreed that $150 for the new version was a worthwhile expense for his son.
Then my landlord asked me what I was going to get his son for his birthday, and I let him know that I wasn't planning on getting his son anything. I hadn't really seen his son in a few months, and we didn't speak regularly so it felt weird giving him an unexpected gift. I also wasn't invited to the son's birthday party, which I heard about secondhand, so I figured this meant I was in the clear to not get him a gift.
So some time goes by, and when my landlord's son's birthday comes around, he sends me a huge thank you for the birthday gift. It came out of nowhere, because I didn't get him a gift, and I didn't even wish him a happy birthday. I replied to ask what he was talking about, and he just sent me a picture of the game, with a tag on it that said it was from my landlord and me. I just told him to enjoy it and decided not to burst his bubble that I didn't get him anything.
Now, I have an awkward living situation, where my landlord is also my roommate, so when I got home I let my landlord know that I appreciated him saying the gift was from both of us, but I asked him not to do it again in the future. I felt weird about him giving out a gift from me without my knowledge or permission. He said that was no problem, but then he let me know my portion of the gift was $75. At this point, I was feeling really confused, and I asked him why my portion was $75. I didn't agree to split it, and I told him I wouldn't be getting his son a gift.
My landlord simply started insisting that it was implied we would split the cost of the gift, and the only reason he bought such an expensive gift is that he thought I was going to split it with him. I told him no, it was an unreasonable expectation and again reminded him that I was not going to get his son a gift. My landlord then brought up that my not getting a gift was what implied that I wanted to split the cost and send a mutual gift. I again replied no, that's a completely unreasonable jump in reasoning. The conversation ended with passive-aggressive tension and me just going to my room.
A few days later, I received my utility bills, which I split with my landlord and pay in the middle of the month. At the end, there was an extra charge of $75 that didn't say what it was. Naturally, I asked what the $75 was, and my landlord again started insisting that I had to pay a fair share of his son's gift, and it would be expected at the same time as every other utility. I didn't even reply as I set the bill down and gave him everything but the $75 for the gift. He started counting it and told me I was short the $75, to which I just walked away.
A few more days passed, and when I got home I found an eviction notice for failure to pay my entire utility bill. I've already arranged to simply move out at this point because this isn't the first issue I've had with my landlord, but the eviction notice just sealed it for me. I gave my landlord my 30-day notice that I was leaving, and I've been avoiding him during the little bit of time I'm at home each night.
I also don't think anything will come of the eviction, especially since proper protocol for California wasn't followed in giving it to me. That being said, I am absolutely seething in anger at that cheap-ass piece of garbage.
Also, my landlord's son is a 29-year-old man if you're wondering.
submitted by TARecoveringAA to entitledparents [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:47 Longjumping_Dance101 Getting tired of being with my husband

So I have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a few years ago and my husband was there when I got the diagnosis. The last couple of years since having it I have slowly been getting worse and my husband doesn’t seem to be helping me with this at all. I tell him time after time that I am tired and my overall health hasn’t been well and he doesn’t help at all. I was in the hospital a few weeks ago and the whole time in the waiting room he’s complaining and wanting to leave me there alone he did end up leaving midway through and when he comes back he’s still just complaining about being there with me. When we get home that night as I was able to leave with him we get home at 1 in the morning and he still didn’t help me by taking out our dogs even though I very much am still not feeling up to it. (We live in an apartment and have to walk them)I’m tired of it and living like this but I know I can’t leave because I can’t afford health insurance at this moment I am still in college and just only started. At this point idk what to do I know it’s shallow of me to only stick around for the insurance but there’s so much more that I have dealt with him that I honestly don’t feel bad. I’ve tried to get him to go to marriage counseling many time but he won’t. Can I get any advice on what I should do?
submitted by Longjumping_Dance101 to HusbandRant [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:47 seedling-ghostling Healing through reflection bursts

I've become numb to simple pleasures of life as if I have lost my awe and wonder and have forgotten to be grateful. I had an unstable upbringing, always moving around with my mum to reside at her temporary boyfriends houses to stay away from home with dad (who I now feel deeply empathetic towards). I grew up in a third world country, where my mum is from - my dad is a foreigner. My mum knew there wasn't much for me in this small town... (I was the only "white/mixed" kid in school. She has always been free spirited maybe sometimes a bit too much where she isn't really my mum, but more of a friend.. My family were very broke..I remember debt collectors would come knocking on our doors with death threats..She knew I always wanted to live in the country my dad was from..Cleaner environment, public transport, free healthcare and maybe I can make some friends. So we left.. I remember calling my dad on the phone while I was at the airport telling him mum and I weren't coming home.... My mum and I stayed at her sisters tiny unit (my aunt). It was a 2 bedroom, with my aunt and her partner and her two kids. Mum and I would sleep in the same bed on the floor of the kids room until I could get a part-time job and move into a sharehouse (I was 15 at this point) I was enrolled into highscool, would work after work and on weekends just to make ends meet, and was able to get into a sharehouse with my own room. My mum had to go back to her country due to financial and visa issues. And I've been on my own since. I loved making friends, but it was hard for me to accept that the people I met here were born here, or grew up here. And they had family homes, and pets and stable finances and connections. So my friends focus was purely on what they wanted to do and who to be. I never told anyone about how envious I was, it's hard to admit to say I was envious but I was definitely hurt. "Why not me". Friendships became harder to maintain when people wanted to go to the beach or the next party but I was always working just to keep a roof over my head or food on my plate. Or even, send my mum a little bit of money because she couldn't make ends meet back in her country... At 17, I was introduced to drugs. And I lost control. It took away all my stresses, I felt free.. Eventually the escape was all I wanted.. I stopped going to school. I stopped going to work.. I got evicted.. I couch surfed at a few peoples places that did drugs..I started stealing for clothes..and for coins I would find to buy more drugs because I couldn't come to terms with how my life was heading. Then, I took 2CI - a synthetic LSD with a group of people I didn't really know. I went into psychosis.. And couldn't come out of it.. I would get emails from my mum and dad asking whats happening where am I why am I not responding. My aunt must have called the police on me, as they rocked up to my friends place looking for me. I ignored it all. Finally I reached out and said..I need help, I need to come home. And dear god, there must be something out there protecting me or the mind can work in really mysterious ways. I managed to get on a flight back home with borrowed money. I was exteremly underweight and didnt have nice clothes. My mum was horrified. My mind eventually couldn't come to terms with how everything has turned out and I lost it.. I remember waking up in hospital and asking what the date was.. 3 months had passed. I was diagnosed of schizrophrenia, bipolar 2, psychosis
submitted by seedling-ghostling to u/seedling-ghostling [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:46 Leading_Upstairs_803 AITA For hiding that I dated my husband's friend?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My husband (33m) divorced me (31f) recently. We dated for about 8 years, married for 3.5.
Rewind to our early 20s. We dated for about a year. When we first started dating, future husband (FH) is reeling after learning that the first girl he ever loved and the girl he lost his virginity to was sleeping with one of his best friends (BF) while they were together. This is a friend he had essentially grown up with, they've known each other since like 2nd grade. They were neighbors. I help him through that a bit.
He broke up with me after about a year. I was devastated. I did something dumb by seducing his roommate, we both got drunk, roommate came back to my apartment, and I texted FH that his roommate wanted to come home with me. FH shows up, comes inside, mild chaos ensues, no violence. Technically roommate and I did not have sex.
After 2 years or so, FH reaches out. We've both dated other people, talk about it a bit. I do not mention that I briefly dated BF (the one he has past trauma with) and that we had sex. Again, why bring it up? Why hurt his feelings over something that was pretty much meaningless?
During first couple years of us dating again, FH hears from his friends that I was hanging out with them for a brief period. He gets suspicious about some particular events. He specifically asks if anything happened with a couple of his friends, but does not bring up BF. AGAIN- WHY would I bring it up?? Why would I hurt him??
We continue dating and eventually get married. Occasionally, he grows suspicious and asks for details about what happened with roommate and other friends. I don't want to lose my relationship and I don't want to hurt him over some BS that happened years ago. I never outright lied, but I wasn't forthcoming.
Eventually, things come to a head. After many years husband is paranoid. He says he is going to "do the embarrassing thing" and talk to his friends directly about things. He did give me a last chance to tell him and I admit, I lied. I couldn't imagine losing him or hurting him when honestly I never thought I was going to see him again when it happened!
He finds out about BF and I was very surprised by how hard he took it. He definitely needed some therapy about what happened with first girlfriend. He immediately freaked out, crying, started divorce proceedings. He let me have the dog and some money so I wouldn't get a lawyer. He's called me every name you can think of, says I tricked him into getting married, that I ruined his life.
I know it sounds kind of bad, but he doesn't even want to try marriage counseling? He says he thinks I would lie to the counselor. I never cheated on him! I feel like I am being thrown away for something we can work through- he has this past trauma that he never dealt with and just refuses to work through it at all. I never thought I would see him again! And I didn't want to hurt him for no reason! AITA?
submitted by Leading_Upstairs_803 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:46 ThrowRA_lavender333 I ( F 21) have feelings for someone in my friend group ( M 23 )

I ( F 21) have feelings for someone in my friend group ( M 23 )let’s call him Tim.
I just need to get it off my chest.
Background: I met one of my now closest friends ( F 23) about three months ago. Let’s call her Emma. We’ve become very close very quickly. To the point where everyone around us assumes that we’ve been friends since diapers. Because of this I really cherish our friendship and I don’t want to compromise it in anyway.
Emma introduced me to her friends, and I’ve introduced her to my friends which resulted in a fun little group. We’ve taken weekend trips together we always go out on the weekends together and everyone gets along. it’s a really fun dynamic. Which is exactly why I don’t want to go screwing anything up by having feelings for someone in the group.
Emma is also extremely close with Tim. We are in fact her two best friends. And in passing conversation ( about two other people in the group) both of them have made it very clear that having feelings with or hooking up with someone in the group would ruin everything.
When I first met tim, I was immediately panicked, he’s my type and he was so shy at first of course it peaked my interest. I knew I had a crush on him the first time we met. But I assumed it would fizzle out or something as most of my crushes do. But after getting to know him more, my feelings have only grown.
Every time we go out and we are drinking he gets really touchy and because I am drinking as well I play into it, there’s been two nights where we’ve had to share a bed and we ended up cuddling a little but that’s as far as things have gone. He’s somewhat protective when we go out, always making sure I’m OK and if some guy is being creepy or getting too close, he’s very quick to hold me and pretend he’s my boyfriend. Every time he does this he gives me butterflies, and the first few times he did it I just assumed he was being a good friend. He has sisters so I assumed he was just a big bro type. But then I noticed that after whatever creepy guy was gone, he would still be holding me. There are dozens of pictures of us drunk on a night out, holding onto each other smiling. most of my friends tease me that we look like we’ve been in love for years.
Me and my friends often go to country bars, and he complained that he didn’t know how to dance, so I taught him how to 2 step. He’s not bad if the song is slow enough,, whenever a slow song comes on, we always dance together and it makes me wanna melt every time.
I know he’s very adamant about not crossing lines in the friend group. But I can’t help but feel like he might have the smallest crush on me too. Whenever one of us is driving, there’s always that prolonged eye contact in the rearview mirror and I’m probably reading way too far into it but the way he watches me sometimes gives the vibe that he’s in the same situation I find myself in. The last time we shared a bed together, we were on a weekend trip. Everyone was going to bed, and we were both pretty tipsy. he needed help taking off his boots, so I helped him. But after he asked me to stay w him and cuddle and of course…I did.
this caused a riff between me and emma. she was worried we were crossing boundaries and possibly ruining the friend group. I wasn’t mad at her. We are her closest friends and she just wants to make sure that no one gets hurt. I told her nothing physical was ever gonna happen between him n i cuz of the friend group. And it’s true I really don’t want anything physical to happen between us, that would be super messy.
But at the same time we get along great , i’m always laughing and smiling whenever I’m with him. there’s this sense of familiarity, that is so comforting to me, that I’ve never experience with someone before. I can sit here and go on about his smile or his laugh and how they give me heart palpitations. Or about how whenever I’m around him, I have to constantly remind myself to stop staring at his eyes because they are so captivating. I keep finding myself thinking about him at almost all parts of the day. Wondering what he is doing, wanting to send him something that reminds me of him but I never do. I know he’s very adamant about not crossing lines in the friend group so I plan on telling no one my feelings. I plan on not acting on them. I would never want to cross a boundary that both he and emma made very clear.
I re-downloaded dating apps just to distract myself from him, because he’s simply not an option. but every profile I see, simply does not compare to him. I went on one date, and I was constantly looking for qualities that he has in my date. He’s often the subject of my dreams, and both the last thing I think of before bed, and the first thing I think of in the morning. I don’t know how to get him out of my head. I don’t want to stop spending time with him or the friend group but I might have to, for my sake.
He’s supposed to go out of town for a few weeks and I’m hoping time apart will be a good thing. I feel so stupid for even finding myself in this position honestly and I’m hoping as time goes on feelings will fade and I’ll look at this post and laugh someday or question who it was about. but for the time being, I really needed to get this off my chest.
submitted by ThrowRA_lavender333 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:46 techgeek2030 Samsung's Galaxy A54: A Mid-Range Marvel

Samsung's Galaxy A54: A Mid-Range Marvel
While Samsung's high-end smartphones like the Galaxy S and foldables capture the limelight, the company's mid-range Galaxy A series is equally crucial. Last year, the Galaxy A53 was among the best mid-range phones available. This year, Samsung is launching its successor, the Galaxy A54, which was unveiled recently and is set to go up for pre-order on March 30th. Here's everything you need to know about the Samsung Galaxy A54.
Design & Specs
The Galaxy A54 features a flat 6.4-inch FHD+ 120Hz AMOLED display with relatively slim bezels, similar to Samsung's premium smartphones. It has an IP67 rating, which means it's dust and water-resistant. The most significant change is the rear camera array, which features three individual camera sensors protruding from the body, as opposed to a large camera bump. The design language of the Galaxy A54 takes inspiration from Samsung's flagship Galaxy S23 lineup, making it look more premium than its predecessor. The phone comes in black and purple color options, setting it apart from other mid-range devices.
Under the hood, the Galaxy A54 is powered by the in-house Exynos 1380 chip, which provides a decent boost to performance over last year's Exynos 1280 in the A53. It has 6GB of RAM, 128GB of internal storage, and a microSD card slot supporting up to 1TB of additional storage. The phone has a 5,000mAh battery, providing two-day battery life.
The Galaxy A54's camera setup has a significant change from the A53. Samsung has replaced the 64MP primary shooter with a 50MP sensor, which should provide noticeable improvements in low-light and dynamic range. The 12MP ultra-wide and 5MP macro cameras remain unchanged. On the front, the phone has a 32MP selfie shooter capable of shooting 4K videos, making it better than the front-facing camera found on the S23 series.
Software & Support
The Galaxy A54 runs on Android 13-based One UI 5.1 and will receive four OS upgrades and security patches for five years after its launch, similar to the Galaxy A53.
The Samsung Galaxy A54 is an excellent mid-range phone, and with the Core Manager app, you can share files with ease. Core Manager is a third-party file share app that allows users to transfer files between devices quickly. The app supports various file types and sizes and works seamlessly with Samsung's devices. Core Manager is available for download on the Google Play Store and is free to use.
Price & Release Date
Samsung announced the Galaxy A54 5G on March 15th, and pre-orders are set to begin on March 30th. The phone will hit store shelves on April 6th and is priced at $450. However, those who pre-order the phone can save up to $250 by trading in their old devices. Additionally, Samsung is offering the Galaxy Buds Live for just $50 for those who purchase the A54.
Final Thoughts
The Galaxy A54 is an excellent mid-range phone that offers premium features at an affordable price. With a speedy processor, long-lasting battery, and a camera setup that rivals Samsung's premium devices, the A54 is an excellent choice for those looking for a budget-friendly phone. The addition of the Core Manager app makes it easy to share files with other devices, adding to the phone's usability. The A54 is set to become Samsung's most expensive and best mid-range smartphone for 2023.
submitted by techgeek2030 to u/techgeek2030 [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:43 jdzmdna Boyfriend can't keep a job and his mum thinks I'm controlling

My boyfriend is 5 years younger than me, I'm 26 and he is 21. We've been together for a year and a half. He has jumped jobs and been on and off for the last year and it's been taking a toll on me and our relationship financially. He was unemployed for most of the time and couldn't keep a job because of his depression. So his mum and I have been filling in to help pay his bills/loan/car etc here and there etc. I don't earn a lot either as I study and only work 2-3 times a week and pay my own bills/loan and pay for little dates/presents for us, so all my extra money goes to him if I can. I told him that he could take his time getting his shit together while I helped support him.
But it's been going on like this for the past year now, and my anxiety has been so high everyday wondering if he's going to lose his job or decide he doesn't want to turn up at work again.I even gave him money recently to pay for a therapist for his depression but instead he kept the money in his account and his account went in negatives. So now he can't afford to pay it anymore.
We had a massive fight recently about my anxiety of being worried that he'll just quit his next job again and my boyfriend told me that if he can't keep this next job (starts next week) for at least 3 months, then I can leave him and put myself first.
So I messaged his mum, which I never do in any of my relationships because I hate the idea of bringing a mum into it. But I did it because I know that if I go to my friends or family for advice, they'll all tell me to leave him. *For context: My boyfriend doesn't have a dad. Him and his mum are close in the way that they're like friends and she's very young (16 years older than him). She'll call him every now and then to see how he's going. But she lives with her boyfriend about 45mins away and my boyfriend is too shy to go see his mum because he feels like he's intruding in her life and her relationship with her boyfriend. As much as I've encouraged him to call/visit her often (especially when we're in the area), he doesn't want to because he feels like a burden and not a priority. So he's too scared to talk to her about anything especially with her boyfriend around.

I basically told her everything of what's happened with him for the past year because he's been too scared to talk to her about anything. All the advice I've given my boyfriend has been the same as his mums and I haven't gone against what she's advised and been very supportive. And I asked her for advice of what I should do if I should keep being patient with him or if she could step in and help because I feel like I'm beginning to mother him and that I'm scared that I might be wasting my time with a child.

Her response to me was:
"I know he's young but as his mum I let him find his own growth and fulfil his way in time. I see my son as a flower where I put seed, soil and water him whenever he needs me. I have patience to see what the future holds. If you think you're wasting your time then why do you still stay? Your relationship is very toxic and one of you have to give up and think about what makes you happy..I know he's young and it's a big adjustment for you. Both of you deserve better as being single or with someone else." and "I'm not a nagging mother and I can't have the mother and son relationship when you're around. Since my son has a girlfirend, I dont want to be involved in his personal life and I let him be. If he needs a mother, I'll be around but things changed. If you think he's scared of me and won't talk to me, why do you talk to me on his behalf? You're controlling my sons life, I'm worried that he's happy with you"

I was shook because I just wanted advice from the one person that knew him most. I knew I probably shouldn't have gone to her but I didn't know what else to do and have felt like I've reached my breaking point. Am I controlling? Am I doing something wrong? Should I leave him? I know his mum is right about this relationship being toxic etc, but I feel like It's worth saving because we do have similar goals and values in life and we are very happy with eachother when we're not financially drowning. He's begged for me to give him a chance but I'm so worried I'm wasting my time and being dumb for staying and waiting.

I don't know what to do but I'm so afraid that these bad habits now we'll go into my future and future family, and it's not the life I want in my future. Is that too soon to think about?

TL;DR; : - Boyfriend can't keep a job for longer than 2 months as he had depression. - I told his mum everything about it and asked for advice on how I should handle it and she thinks I'm controlling and we should break up. - I'm worried that his bad habit of not having good work ethic may carry over into our future together with a family and life etc. - I don't know if I should break up with him or stay and wait?
submitted by jdzmdna to relationships [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:43 Kra_Maga_Experts Do martial arts bring about positive changes in the mindset as well?

The disturbing stats of unlawfulness always made me grab my cell phone and look for the best training classes for martial arts near me. I enrolled with the Krav Maga Experts based on my friend's recommendation and could see the changes in my body and mindset within the first few days. The trainers here have refined teaching and fighting skills and are professional in teaching you to become your own hero.
submitted by Kra_Maga_Experts to u/Kra_Maga_Experts [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:43 BLENDER-74 I hurt my friend. She’s forgiven me, but what do I do now?

I am a college age male. I’ve been working at my job for 9 months, while being friends with Phoebe for those 9 months. We’ve been great friends since we met at work, and we get along great. There were even a few times when we would pick up extra shifts on the same day because we like working together so much. Within the last few weeks, she’s asked me to flirt with her and say pickup lines and stuff because it entertains her, and because I’ve expressed my feelings towards her. I always made it very clear what she could ask me to stop if I ever made her uncomfortable and that she was allowed to be as honest as she wants with me. She made it clear that we were only friends, but there was a chance that we could be romantically involved. A few days ago, the two of us, as well as two other friends of ours went to a pool after work just to hang out and have fun. Phoebe and I decided to play a game where we basically wrestle and try to keep the other off of ourselves. She is quite a bit smaller than I am, so it was mostly me chasing her, and I routinely asked her if what I was doing was ok, and she always said it was. I must’ve asked her over a dozen times throughout the night. I never intentionally reached for her chest or pelvic area, and I didn’t physically harm her in any way. When we decided to leave the pool and go home, she wasn’t speaking to me at all. As I was driving home, I realized that I hurt her. I realized that I treated her incredibly unfairly and inappropriately. It was honestly borderline sexual assault. I apologized to her in person and in text, but she never responded. I offered to put in my two weeks notice at work, because I don’t think she should be forced to be around me after I hurt her. She assured me that this wasn’t necessary, and that she was still upset, but also willing to forgive and forget. We didn’t speak for another couple of days, until today, when she assured me that we were fine. She said she understands how bad I feel and how sorry I am, but the chance of us being romantically involved is completely gone. I am honestly broken with guilt. It’s tearing me apart inside and I feel so horrible that my actions caused her pain. I feel like a complete waste of space and I am so sad that the chance of us being together is gone because of my selfishness and cruelty. Should I attempt romance in the future or just leave our friendship as it is?
submitted by BLENDER-74 to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:42 polyphonic_peanut It's My Brain

Sometimes I'd like to just wash away my NPD. But it just won't come off! It's wired into me.
I basically notice and try to manage it on a minute-to-minute basis. Not that this is too overly stressful, but just a constant extra layer of effort.
I see my traits pretty much in all parts of my life. I try to work on them in one area and they pop up unexpectedly in another.
I try to do the best for people around me and myself. In my work this feels easy. It's very packaged and I know what to do. It's harder in my relationships. I would like to be better for my partner and family, but I do find it much more difficult. I'm so easily triggered in those situations. I do my best, but it could be better.
I just can't seem to help it. I think about myself a lot and am so innately selfish that I have to consciously remind myself of other people's perspectives. Like, I have to stop myself from dominating conversations, or send people potentially inappropriate messages, or writing comments here that might be hurtful but I think are fun. I have to say to myself, "Remember this person is struggling. Don't be a dick." Even though a sniggling part of me also says, "No! Go on! Do it! It'll be funny!"
Or I have to stop myself from stealing things at work: "No. This doesn't belong to you."
Or I have to stop myself from entitling myself to something and not giving it to other people: "Now, now, Peanut. Play fair."
My NPD even goes down to what turns me on. Apart from being aroused by myself, I'm also sexually turned on by thoughts of power, being better than someone I don't like, and lots of things connected to my NPD. For example, I've worked really hard to stop manipulating people, but the thought of it really turns me on. I also have a great time thinking about the fact that I'm a narcissist and have NPD. That can be a real turn on for me in itself. WTF. And the idea of being entitled is another trip.
I read that some studies show that pwNPD do have different brain structures, although it seems inconclusive.
I also remember my therapist saying, "Yes, but: don't forget neuroplasticity. We can change our brains!"
... deflate balloon...
Well, I've been working on myself for a long time. And while many things have really changed for the better, I still have NPD! It's just in different places. My behaviours are much more pro-social but my feelings and thoughts are very narcissistic.
I try to be compassionate, but I still have to make an effort. My (male) partner - who I strongly suspect also has NPD - were out with a female friend for dinner the other night. She was talking about how important it is to her to give to other people, and that she's always thinking of other people first.
I looked at my partner briefly and wondered if he was thinking what I was thinking: Basically, oh! People do that? Lol. Why would you do that? Hee hee...
Anyway, back to me.
I mean you.
submitted by polyphonic_peanut to NPD [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:41 earthoriginnutrition Sus behavior

The short of it: my husband broke his phone in January so we shared my phone meaning his social media account logins were accessible. I respected his privacy and thought I had deleted all of them off my phone but realized I still had access to his Insta last month when I was trying to see if I still had access to an old account we had made for our pets. Since it was nearing Valentine's day, I decided to login to his account just to see if there was anything he was liking in terms of gifts since he's absolutely notorious to shop for. Instead, I found flirty messages between him and his half-sister's sister AND suggestive conversations with one of his friends who is happily married and proudly gay (at least I thought so).
For context: During this timeframe, we've had lots of shit happen such as me losing my job and finding out his dad has stage 3 cancer. He has a history of processing heavy news in not the best of ways and finding unhealthy outlets but he has made tremendous progress in the 10yrs we've been together. But I completely understand that he had the potential to regress with all the shit we've been going through.
With that being said, I have no clue how to confront him about this. My reasoning in confronting him is so he can acknowledge that he's not handling all this shit well and that if he doesn't want to talk to me about it (when I ask, he says "it is what it is."), that he needs to find a professional. The glaring issue is that me even finding out about this information violated his trust...but should I just disregard that since his behavior is just not okay?
submitted by earthoriginnutrition to Marriage [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:41 maadaapples my issue with leaving him is our finances

i’m getting desperate to leave my husband. any counselor and psychiatrist and friend ive spoken to have said i can’t stay with him and i agree.
my issue lies with our finances. he’s indebted up to his ears and we can’t afford to pay them off even now when we’re two. i’m a SAHM but will start working in a few months, i have a small income now that helps us stay afloat. am i abandoning him with these loans?
the loans are in his name but i’ve benefited from most of them in one way or the other. i feel like an asshole leaving him with that economy. he’s an emotional abuser and i am definitely trauma bonded to him.
the circle of abuse is clear. he does something (like spitting, calling me names, gets caught drinking and blames me and so on) and it turns to a huge fight and when i threaten to leave the tables turn and he buys me a flower and is kind for a couple of days. this repeats every few months.
we also have two kids and the oldest is almost three and starting to understand things. we move closer to his parents in 1,5 months and i’m not sure how to go about this separation.
submitted by maadaapples to Divorce [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:35 D491234 The Vatican/Jesuit connection with radical feminists such as Posie Parker AKA Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull and the anti trans movement

‘Canceled’ radical feminists and the Catholic Church: These unlikely allies believe women are female By Mary Farrow
This article is the first part of a two-part series on the Church, gender-critical feminists, and transgender ideology. Part two will be published on Feb. 12.
Mary Kate Fain doesn't agree with the Catholic Church about anything. Or, nearly anything, at least. But she does agree with the Catholic take on gender and identity. And that's cost her. A lot.
Last July, Fain wrote a piece critiquing non-binary gender identities. She questioned why so many of her female friends felt the need to shed their identities as women and to instead identify as "non-binary" - neither male nor female.
Fain published the piece on Medium, an online social publishing platform.
Not long after the article published, Fain was fired from her job as a software engineer. She claims her viewpoints are the reason she was let go.
"I guess one of my coworkers complained about the article and I was fired. And since then it just started the slew of cancellation," Fain told CNA.
"I was canceled from conferences, and canceled for multiple groups that I was a volunteer in, et cetera. And it just really highlighted to me that they all wanted to shut me up, but what it proved was that there really is a need for a place for women to be able to say this."
Since her firing, Fain, a millennial and freelance writer living just outside of Houston, founded 4W, an online publication that publishes articles analyzing radical feminist issues such as gender, male violence, sex positivity, and the portrayal of women in media. She is also co-founder of the feminist social media platform, and a volunteer with the Women's Human Rights Campaign.
And she is just one of many "canceled" women.
Why women are being "canceled"
Fain, along with several other women writers, intellectuals, and activists, have been "canceled" for their conviction that women are adult human females, whose sex-based rights, such as the right to female-only spaces like bathrooms or sports teams or therapy groups, deserve protection.
This view is no longer seen as politically correct by some tastemakers and gatekeepers, because it is "trans-exclusionary" - to hold this view means to hold that a man cannot "become" a woman because he identifies as one, and vice versa.
"...this is not something that you're supposed to say," Fain said. "We're supposed to just blindly accept what anyone says about their own identity, without any critical analysis, without any feminist analysis even. We're supposed to ignore that sex-based oppression exists and just admit, 'Oh yes, we are what we say we are and that defines our reality.'"
"But I think for any feminist, any real feminist, we know that that just simply isn't true," she added.
"Our sex does define certain aspects of our reality, and people are not allowed to say that in today's day and age."
Many women who hold this view refer to themselves as radical feminists, trans-exclusionary radical feminists or gender critical feminists, or even "canceled women."
"Cancel culture" is a relatively new term, used to describe the phenomenon that happens when someone, usually a famous person or one with some kind of platform, experiences a kind of shunning, harassment, or social banishment for doing or saying something with which a lot of people disagree.
Being "canceled" can take many forms: being trolled or doxxed on social media, being banned from Twitter or other platforms, or finding that events featuring the canceled person are quickly, well, canceled.
In January, an event entitled "Evening with Canceled Women" was canceled by the New York Public Library, where the event was to be hosted.
The canceled event was organized by Women's Liberation Front (WoLF), a group that advocates for the "rights, privacy and safety of women and girls, by which we mean human females," Kara Dansky, a board member with WoLF, told CNA.
"We were being told over the course of a week that the contract was being processed (for the event), and then the day before the deposit was due, we were told that we could not proceed with the event and we were not given a reason," Dansky said.
The event would have included the voices of women "who have, in one way or another, been silenced or canceled as a result of their outspoken views on behalf of women and girls," she added.
For example, the event would have featured Canadian feminist Megan Murphy, an advocate against pornography and prostitution whose insistence that women are female got her banned from Twitter, Dansky said.
It would also have included Posie Parker, a UK feminist known "for her insistence that the word woman means adult human female, which is simply the dictionary definition of the word," Dansky said. Parker has also been banned from Twitter for her views.
The event also would have featured Linda Bellows, a Briton "who speaks on behalf of lesbian rights. And she has been told that it is transphobic to insist that lesbians are women who are attracted to women," Dansky said.
These canceled women join a slew of others, with particularly high numbers in the UK, where the 2004 Gender Recognition Act lets adults register their gender as something other than the biological sex with which they were born.
Common ground with the Catholic Church
While trans-exclusionary radical feminist women typically hold many views with which the Catholic Church disagrees, such as approval of abortion and gay marriage, they share common ground in the belief that women are female and men are male - and they are born that way.
"It has been a tremendous plus to have radical feminists speaking out so strongly about the reality of sexual difference and against the new tyranny of gender," Mary Rice Hasson, the Kate O'Beirne Fellow in Catholic Studies at the Ethics and Public Policy Center in Washington, D.C. and director of the Catholic Women's Forum, told CNA.
"Although we disagree about many things – most significantly about abortion-– we agree on some important truths about women," she said, such as opposing violence and exploitation against women, as well as "the importance of acknowledging the reality of sexual difference and the dangers of the transgender agenda."
"Specifically, we agree that sexual difference is real, that males and females are different in significant ways, and that a person's sex cannot change," Hasson said.
"The Church's vision of the human person differs radically from gender ideology," Hasson noted. "Christian anthropology teaches that the person is a unity of body and soul, that we are created male or female, forever."
"Gender ideology, in contrast, imagines the person as a bundle of assorted dimensions," she said, such as gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, and biological sex, none of which "needs to align – the person is self-determining. God is really not in the driver's seat."
Fain said she agrees that gender identity, "this idea that we have an internal sense of being male, female or neither, and that this has any effect on our material reality, is nonsense."
Dansky, whose group's primary goals are to fight violence against and exploitation of women in rape, sexual and domestic assault, and pornography and prostitution, said that her work is made nearly impossible in the context of broad social disagreement about what makes someone a woman in the first place.
"It's very difficult to solve all of those problems when we're not permitted to name the category of women," she said.
"It's very interesting to me that when our society talks about domestic violence and rape and sexual assault, and we talk about the rampant rates of these crimes being perpetrated against women and girls, everybody knows what the words 'women' and 'girls' mean."
In light of increasing acceptance of transgender ideology, the Vatican's Congregation for Catholic Education's issued a document entitled "Male and Female He Created Them" last June, explaining the Church's teaching on transgender issues and encouraging dialogue with those experiencing gender dysphoria.
The document cited the need to reaffirm "the metaphysical roots of sexual difference" to help refute "attempts to negate the male-female duality of human nature, from which the family is generated."
Such a negation "erases the vision of human beings as the fruit of an act of creation" and "creates the idea of the human person as a sort of abstraction who 'chooses for himself what his nature is to be.'"
Theories of gender, whether moderate or radical, agree that "one's gender ends up being viewed as more important than being of male or female sex," according to the document, which also reflects on the role of gender theory in education and speaks of a "crisis" in any alliance between the school and the family.
"Although ideologically-driven approaches to the delicate questions around gender proclaim their respect for diversity, they actually run the risk of viewing such differences as static realities and end up leaving them isolated and disconnected from each other," it said.
The document called for dialogue, and the protection of human and family rights. It also decried unjust discrimination and noted points of unity among people with different perspectives on gender ideology.
"Key allies"
Looking for concrete examples of common ground, Fain told CNA that she thinks that protecting the freedom of speech of those who oppose transgenderism will be one of the most important things that radical feminists and Christians can work together for.
"(W)e need to deal with this freedom of speech issue that's happening and cancel culture, which is making most people terrified to speak out on the issue," she said.
Fain noted that when she wrote the controversial article that got her fired, she had anticipated the backlash and had been saving for months to protect herself from the blow. She recognized that most people cannot afford to lose their jobs for speaking up on this issue.
"Most people can't, and especially women who are already at a financial disadvantage are more likely to be caring for kids," she said.
"And people are terrified to speak out on this issue because of the serious economic consequences that are happening."
"And although I have many issues with the right in general, I will say that I think religious freedom and freedom of speech do go hand in hand," Faid added.
"And so the Church's work on that is probably relevant here."
Hasson identified women like Fain as "key allies" in the fight against transgenderism going forward, and said she looks forward to working with them despite differences on other issues.
"Radical feminists have been fearless in speaking the truth about sexual difference - over social media, at universities, and in public hearings. They have refused to be silenced - even after being ridiculed, 'de-platformed' at public universities, or having their Twitter accounts shut down," Hasson said.
"We differ greatly about abortion and our views of men, but I am hopeful that our work together and personal regard for each other will open up some opportunities in the future for discussions about those areas where we disagree. But for now, I'm grateful for their commitment to speak the truth, even at great personal cost."
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2023.03.22 06:35 CommunicationSolid77 Sense for adventure/ exploring is gone as we age?

I'm behind in life. 37 yo female- I feel I just was 27 yesterday living my best life- but I'm clinging to that happy time so bad, and I really cant get that back it seems.

Ive swapped careers, gave up everything to become a flight attendant after being a teacher, had the time of my life, and now moved back home in an apartment by myself to do nursing school, no SO , no kids, the love of my life is a rescue pup..... my early 20s for 10 years how is it, all these years passed since moving home 6 years ago and im just going further down the drain? I'm 37 and used to be so filled with adventure, exploring, everything- sit home alone now, even terrified to go get a cup of coffee by myself. All I want is to be that care free "girl" I was. I would love to go try some fancy martinis in the city I know how to get to park- like its nothing compared to me moving cross country and just being free. I dont have friends here anymore, I used to thrive on being that free spirit girl who did everything on a whim- now I am turning into an old women whos lost her sense of adventure.
Ive made lists of like places within a 10 mile radius to go try for a dinner, bought tickets to shows... but come time to go- I get so filled with anxiety I stay home.
Ive talked to therapists, but took a break. I wonder if anyone was like this too.
submitted by CommunicationSolid77 to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:34 earthoriginnutrition Sus behavior

The short of it: my husband broke his phone in January so we shared my phone meaning his social media account logins were accessible. I respected his privacy and thought I had deleted all of them off my phone but realized I still had access to his Insta last month when I was trying to see if I still had access to an old account we had made for our pets. Since it was nearing Valentine's day, I decided to login to his account just to see if there was anything he was liking in terms of gifts since he's absolutely notorious to shop for. Instead, I found flirty messages between him and his half-sister's sister AND suggestive conversations with one of his friends who is happily married and proudly gay (at least I thought so).
For context: During this timeframe, we've had lots of shit happen such as me losing my job and finding out his dad has stage 3 cancer. He has a history of processing heavy news in not the best of ways and finding unhealthy outlets but he has made tremendous progress in the 10yrs we've been together. But I completely understand that he had the potential to regress with all the shit we've been going through.
With that being said, I have no clue how to confront him about this. My reasoning in confronting him is so he can acknowledge that he's not handling all this shit well and that if he doesn't want to talk to me about it (when I ask, he says "it is what it is."), that he needs to find a professional. The glaring issue is that me even finding out about this information violated his trust...but should I just disregard that since his behavior is just not okay?
submitted by earthoriginnutrition to breakingmom [link] [comments]

2023.03.22 06:33 Shpilkismalilkiss I’m explaining freedom from abusive relationships, from experience.

The courage to be done and leave has nothing to do with proving anything to him. It’s no longer about him. He blew it. He disappointed you and betrayed your feelings. It’s all about not disappointing yourself now. The most loving thing I did for myself to earn my own trust back is ACCEPT the package he delivered at the footsteps of my door which is the parts of myself I am ashamed of. It’s not the things he accused me of, my friend put it this way, “Any criticism someone sends that is black and white is not valid because it’s not balanced, it’s just their venom. It’s not you.” Shadow work is acknowledging and not running from your feelings during dark times, heal yourself.
Gaslighting makes you guarded, shut down and numb. You have to grab onto friends who you identify as sweet and literally let yourself fall apart and ASK FOR HELP. I struggle with that one. You need people to get through the pain, (otherwise addiction born from isolation becomes a problem).
In the pieces you are going to rebuild something stronger. Things need to completely break down to allow for a stronger and better system.
* Like the Chicago fire, everything was built of wood and a small fire ripped through the whole city. What stood was the water tower, think of that as yourself. You have to see that you will survive, any man who swears and undying love for you at the price of your freedom doesn’t actually love you, he just feels masculine when women soften around him and he’s the fire that burned your softness. He threw down in attempt to bend your will and was strong enough to get you. But now you see wood doesn’t work and that that’s what fire does. So build yourself out of stone and brick and metal. He can try to burn you but all it will do is heat you enough to burn him back the next time he tries to manipulate you by presenting his softness. You are showing him his own medicine because he no longer has access to you. And that, is freedom from abuse.
submitted by Shpilkismalilkiss to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]