Love and marriage huntsville cast friends

Hi! I'm an incoming freshman planning to follow the pre-med track with a bio major (that'll probably change tho to some other STEM major). I kinda procrastinated the housing stuff but after researching for a while, I decided I want to go for a Res College, either Willard or Slivka (top choices). I know the housing process is very random but I wanted to increase my chances of getting into my top choice by tailoring my essay to one, but I can't decide which one. Im somewhat of an ambivert (trying to be more social) and love learning about new people and cultures, and as much as I love a social scene, I still really value academics
Willard
I really enjoy the aspect of Willard being a non-thematic college because I want to make it my goal to meet a bunch of new people that aren't only science
It seems as if Willard has a large sense of community and I like how diverse the faculty is!
May be too far from my classes esp in the winter (I really dont like the cold)
Slivka
Contrary to Willard, maybe being in such a studious environment wouldn't be a bad idea..? and I lowk would love to have a bunch of science friends
The fact that the faculty are mostly STEM is really cool and I'd love to attend the fireside chats and such
I also heard Slivka being North is a big advantage for STEM majors (esp during the winter)
I like the events held here a little more than Willards (Harry’s Black Market Auction/Dance Marathon)
​
tbh I dont really know, I love both RC's 😭
​
Any input would be great!! Thank you!

Today i made sure to empty my stash in a free game with a friend. Personalized items and exchanged them. I hope that the room full of annis and gg that ill not use goes to good use. It was a touching moment. Hoping that d4 capitvates me for a long time. I know ill be back to my love d2. This community is the best!

To preface, I am 18 and I've not technically ran away but moved into my grandparents house over the summer so no need to worry for my safety lol.
So here we go, me and my stepdad have never got along. He moved in with me and my mum when i was about 6-7 ish and the only memories i have of him from that period is him yelling at me because i was staring at him funny. Bare in mind i had not seen him before he moved in and was convinced he had replaced my dad and was taking away my mum from me, so of course i'm not gonna exactly love him.
He's always had anger issues too, and will shout at my mum to this day very regularly and with my autism i would always (still do) cry cause it terrified me to which i have been called a delicate brat many times.
But the breaking point for me is in 2 points, one of his friends called my mum a tart to which he reinforced that he was allowed to say that because my mum was disrupting them, and in another event where my mum was very drunk and he threatened to leave and hate us forever.
He also makes no effort to understand my autism, which makes it so i cannot work (trust me i have narrowly avoided being institutionalised a few times) claiming that im just being over dramatic and lazy among other things, also saying theres no need for diagnosis as it is a waste of time. But when being made aware of my hypermobility claims that i need to be diagnosed and asks 'what i can get for it'.
So because of him, i'm out of there. I want nothing to do with him, theres so many things i can't say due to violence rules (not aimed at me dont worry) but i feel so so guilty because i love my mum, i love her so much that there aren't words and i just wish she finds someone else. Since ive 'ran away' he's been making comments about how little he sees me, even though before that he made very little effort to even talk to me and make simple conversation, refusing still to even call on the phone.
So what do you think? AITA for running away from home?

I saw the tour of 1776 last night and I loved it! I know it wasn't well received but did they not even do a cast album??? I can't find it anywhere!

Just over one year ago, I went on my first date with quite possibly the most perfect guy I think I've ever met/will meet. His name was Toby. We met on one of those stupid "swipe left swipe right" apps that was technically only to meet friends, except we all know what those apps are used for. It was bliss knowing him. We played Stardew Valley almost every night together for a month before I even got up the courage to ask him out, and things only got better from there. Every weekend one of us would make the journey to meet the other, going on the type of romantic dates that you really only get with young love. I stayed over at his house. We kissed (my first ever kiss), we said we loved each other. Our Stardew playthrough only got better and better. I loved his family and they loved me. And then I started to have severe mental health problem, that have sadly only gotten worse in time. I started to see problems and faults in the relationship that honestly just weren't there. I would be moody, unreasonable. And then, after three days of being in this constant downward spiral, I made a list of everything my shitty braindead mind could think of that made us not work, and I threw away possibly the healthiest relationship I've had in my life. I called him, told him we'd be better as friends. It broke his heart, I could tell by how he wouldn't show his face, and by the pain in his voice. I forced him away, and all because of a few days of mental health issues. I hate myself for it. I haven't allowed myself to love anyone the way I loved him since, and really I dont know if I can. Toby, if for some reason you see this, or if somehow the internet spreads this to you, I am so, so sorry. I would date you again in a heartbeat, though I know you've moved on, and rightly so. Thank you redditors for letting me say my piece. Id like to say this was cathartic, but really now Im just sadder than when I started.

My boyfriend (32) of 7 years and I (31) are at a crossroads. We dearly love each other and want to move forward with marriage, but we are at odds on having kids - he has always wanted kids and I have absolutely no desire to have hem.
He comes from a well-to-do background with awesome parents and a wholesome childhood. I grew up in a poor immigrant household with parents who were absent, engaged in drug abuse, psychiatric issues, violence and overall had a traumatic childhood/adolescence. I had major depression for most of my life with many suicide attempts and even today, life seems like a burden with 80% suffering with 20% moments of relief from pain. Why would I ever want to force another person to go through the pain of not wanting to be alive?
The problem is I really love him and I want to do everything to stay together. However, I also feel like having kids just for him isn’t the right reason to have kids. He can sense that I would just be acquiescing but not internally be wholeheartedly “on board” with it. We both are educated with top 1% incomes. Still I can’t see a reason to throw all my hard-won success away for what feels like a questionable investment (kids). I also haven’t had a chance to enjoy life (that I missed out on when I was younger due to poverty and building my career) and having kids seems at odds with time, freedom, and money.
For those of you with severe depression, suicidal attempts, traumatic childhoods, and/or bad relationships with your parents - why did you decide to have kids? I am willing to try anything to get a different perspective on kids and internally feel convinced that it’s a good idea, as I really want us to stay together. I also want to be true to myself and feelings. Any advice is appreciated.

I've posted on here off and on as well as at foreveralonedating and just felt like ranting. I'm turning 39 and it took me this long, and a tv show, to realize and make me think that I never truly love myself. I trick myself into thinking I'm happy by buying a bunch of shit to keep my mind occupied. Been through shit in my life... haven't we all? But I really think I might need some therapy. I have to learn to love myself before looking for my queen. Anyways, I didn't have any other outlet since my friends like far and I've found that it's so hard to make new friends when you're older and start over at a different state...so I figured why not rant to strangers on the internet. Anyways off my soapbox. Have a good day.

This is my first ever post so..bare with me. I'm 20 years old non-binary pronounce she/they. 3-4 years ago i broke up with my bf of 2 years because our relationship was getting more toxic as the years went on. I kept telling myself that I could change him to be a better person and he always assured me that I was helping him. He was extremely aggressive and was a narcissist. He had his baggage to carry and I had mine. We were both 14 welchen we started dating so we thought we'd be together forever and have kids and all that. 1 year into the relationship he started to jealous of every guy I was friends with. I wasn't allowed to have male friends and almost lost a good friend of mine. He made jokes about me not being a female anymore once I cut my hair very very short. He'd get angry when I didn't do as he wanted and always pressure d me even into things i didn't wanted to do (you can imagine what kind of things). He'd say i don't love him which is why I wouldn't sleep with him. He used to yell at me. There were even small events where he was being abusive and just a bad person towards me. He choked me almost killing me, biting me and even threatening me. He always wanted me to do everything he wanted me to do. Before we broke up we ran away for like 4 weeks without telling anybody. We were both underage and we both put our parents to so much problems. I didn't come along because I wanted to. I was scared sicne he threatened me so i came along. I broke up because from his perspective i was a bad girlfriend for starting to work (I was 17 he was 16) and i just had enough. We texted a couple times after but he always told me how it was my fault the relationship sucked. 2 years ago i realized what he done to me and that realization caused me be traumatized and being scared just by hearing his name. He now has a girlfriend and I too am in a wonderful relationship for 3 years with the most amazing guy i ever dated. I texted my ex today hoping for myself to maybe calm down from all that happened between us but something deep inside me now feels off and wrong and i don't want to have done a huge mistake. Please i need help on this. Btw im from Germany so if my English is not that great I'm sorry. I'd be greatful to hear ideas from anyone

Miyu, a second year at high school, is in love with “love,” and has the hobby of observing the school’s hottest guys during break time, her enthusiasm for it never failing to amaze her friends, Ayuto and Eri. But when Eri asks Miyu why she won’t pick the handsome and cool-looking Ayuto, whom she has an inseparable relationship with after finding out they were fans of the same band, Miyu replies th ... Read Dekiai Nante Zuru Sugiru!! - Chapter 4 - MangaPuma. Read more at https://mangapuma.com/dekiai-nante-zuru-sugiru/chapter-4

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Platform(s): Switch Genre: JRPG / medieval-fantasy adventure with turn-based strategy elements Estimated year of release: 2020s Graphics/art style: pixel art, 2.5D (sprites on a dynamically shaded environment) with a really obviously high art budget. very smooth animations that reminded me a bit of The Survivalists. Notable characters: the main character was some sort of nobility, i believe the heir to a clan. he had black hair and i think his family had a wolf motif. there was a princess involved, either as part of the party or as a figure they were protecting. i remember her having a unique hair color, light blue or light pink maybe. i think the plot of the demo mentioned something about an arranged marriage. the party was relatively large and let you pick who to bring along. Notable gameplay mechanics: the main mechanic was turn-based combat, where the characters could be positioned on a grid system and where they were relative to the enemies would affect their abilities and damage output. there was also a lot of wandering around the map and talking to various NPCs. i don't remember whether you got any choices, or if you were just following the plot. Other details: i vaguely remember playing a demo of it a few years ago and really liking it, but i could never find it on the store when i decided i actually wanted to buy it. i think it was somewhere in the 40-60 dollar range but it might have been cheaper. I'm fairly sure the title was a single word that started with an S and sounded very medieval-fantasy-ish. I played it while babysitting a friend of my dog's so it has to be something released since we met them (about 2-3 years ago). i believe the characters spoke with speech bubbles above their heads, instead of the normal JRPG thing of having a portrait with a text box at the bottom of the screen.

“We done all we could Mr. Henreid.”
The condensation from the glass dripped and pooled to the surface beneath.
“We done all we could Mr. Henreid.”
How long has it been? Twenty years?
“We done all we could Mr. Henreid.”
Twenty years since the contents of the cup last touched his lips?
“We done all we could Mr. Henreid.”
A promise was made. A promise to a loved one.
“We done all we could Mr. Henreid.”
The love of his life. He made a promise.
“We done all we…”
He stared at the cup in front of him. The condensation from the glass dripping to the bars surface. He looked at the thick foam layering the golden liquid beneath.
“We done…”
He thought of his long ago promise. His promise to never touch it again. To never drink again.
He stared at the beer.
He -
“We done all we could Mr. Henreid.”
- looked at it and thought of the night he made the promise.
“I swear this time Frannie. I -.”
“I don’t want to hear swears. I don’t want promises. I just want it to be.”
“It will be Frannie, it -.”
“It better be.”
He looked at her. He saw the hurt in her eyes. He saw her pain. The pain he caused. The pain caused by his drinking. He thought of how much he loved her. He thought -
“We done all we could Mr. Henreid. I’m sorry. She’s gone.”
“She’s gone.”
“She’s gone.”
He looked at the beer in front of him.
“She’s gone.”
He looked at the cup that caused so much misery. He looked at the cup that caused pain. Caused Anguish. Caused heartache.
He looked at the condensation covering the frosted glass and thought.
Thought about his wife.
He stuck out his hand and touched the glass.
The coldness hurt his fingers. He winced as he lifted the glass from the surface of the bar.
He held the cup in his hands.
“She’s gone.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m very sorry Mr. Henried. The injuries were too severe. We tried but there wasn’t anything we could do.”
He lifted the glass to his lips.
“It better be.”
He brought the glass back down, without taking a sip, and rested it on the bar.
“What’s your name?” He asked her.
She stared at him and giggled.
“She’s just shy. Don’t worry. Go on Frannie tell him your name… Oops guess I already did.” The woman on the right said and both her and Frannie giggled.
Lloyd smiled and introduced himself to the woman he would eventually marry. She smiled and touched his hand when he extended it.
It was a brief, soft, touch. It was the first touch of many.
It was warm.
He knew immediately.
He knew from the first touch that she was the one. She was the one he wanted to spend his life with. Her soft hand. The smell of her perfume. The style of her hair. He looked at her and saw her. Saw her how she would be. Saw the woman she would become. He saw all this from the first glance. The first touch. The first sounds of her voice. The sounds of her laugh. He saw the woman she would become.
He loved her at first sight.
“I’m sorry. She’s gone.”
He let out a deep sigh and slid the glass away from him.
He closed his eyes and listened to the soft sounds of the juke box playing in the corner. Sleep Away by Bob Acri played softly in the distance.
“So, Lloyd you say? Got a last name Lloyd?” The woman on the right asked.
“Baker.”
“Hmm, I like it. Fran Baker. Got a good sound to it.”
Frannie scoffed. “Marj!” she blushed and punched her friend on the shoulder. “Please excuse my friend. She jests.”
Lloyd smiled, blushing a little himself. “It’s quite alright.”
“I’ll leave you two alone.Think I see susie over there anyway. Nice to meet you Lloyd Henreid. I’m sure I’ll be seeing more of you.” Marjorie said with a wink. She looked at Frannie and smiled then walked away.
Frannie looked up at Lloyd.
He looked down at her.
Their eyes locked onto each other.
They both knew.
Knew it was love from the start.
Lloyd sat down next to her.
The record kicked over and Sleep Away was replaced by Turning Page.
“The beer alright?” The bartender asked from down the other end of the bar. “You haven’t even touched it.”
Lloyd, lost in his thoughts, didn’t hear him. He continued to stare blankly at the wall in front of him.

Four years ago I (f29) had a fwb situation with Sam (m29). We were best friends and enjoyed each other's company, but both of us we're not looking for more. Which was fine, except I ended up pregnant.
I found out when I was 16 weeks along. My parents were super supportive and promised to help where they could. Which for me was a big part in my decision to keep the baby. Sam, however, said "you can either abort the child, or you will never see me again". Boy, bye.
It wasn't easy. But god, my baby girl is everything to me. She's beautiful and smart and tough and kind, and I found my "reason" in being her mom. Like, I was meant to do this. With her. Together as a team.
She is such a happy child. She sees her grandparents almost daily, my brother and my nephew are her biggest heroes, and earlier this year we adopted a puppy that makes our little family of three complete. Trust me when I say that she feels so loved, everyday of her life.
Anyway, she's 3,5 years old now and today was the first time she ever asked about her dad. I told her a kid-friendly version of the truth (you have a dad, his name is Sam, when you were in mommy's belly he decided he wanted to stay in "Country Name"). Then she shrugged and asked if she could play with her stuffed animals :')
But I'm not delusional, I know I cannot be a dad to her and that's a hole in her life/heart that I cannot fill or fix. I'm sure we'll be going to lots of therapy sessions when she really starts asking questions.
But it got me thinking. She has a whole family that doesn't know she's alive. She's got grandparents and an auntie on her father's side. I know for sure Sam hasn't told a soul about the pregnancy, and he stayed true to his word and I have never seen him or heard from him again. He blocked me on everything and to be 100% honest, in those three years, I only googled him once. I'm fine with him not being in the picture. It's the extended family that makes me doubt. They did nothing wrong and yet they never got the chance to know my baby.
Would I be the asshole if I contacted them? I think it might be too late and the news would cause so much drama. On the other hand I feel like they deserve to know?
​
Also: I tried my best but english is not my native language.

Heyy, I’m looking for someone to chat, call and watch shows with. Also someone to just call with, play games and watch movies together etc. I’d also prefer to make some guy friends and my age limit is 22! I’m just looking for someone who’s kind and nice and maybe a bit lonely, so I can help with that😁
I’m gay, yes you found a gay human male in the wild.
I love reading books and watching shows.
My favorite animals are eagles and dragons lol.
I also like playing video games, but only when I have other friends to play with.
I would be super happy if you would dm me or write a comment, maybe we can even become best friends ideally!! :)

Hi new friends! 😅
Sorry for the long post - hopefully someone out there will read this!
I’m feeling a bit confused about how I contracted HSV2. I was dating someone for a few weeks and we were sexually active. He gets cold sores, which he claims he’s gotten since he was a baby (idk for sure). While we were dating, he did perform oral sex on me briefly, while he had an almost healed cold sore. I realize I was very dumb and ignorant to allow this to happen… I really was not thinking about the risk in the moment 🤦‍♀️
Anyway, a few weeks into dating, I started experiencing pain during sex, which I initially attributed to a yeast infection or soreness from intercourse. I realized there was a small sore or cut inside my vagina, and it seemed to be bleeding a little bit. I went to the doctor for a swab, and even she said she couldn’t tell if it was herpes and it might just be a tear.
Well, a week later I got the results saying I tested positive for HSV2. I was surprised that it was not HSV1 since I assumed I received the virus from who had a cold sore. Is it common or possible for someone to have oral HSV2 since childhood??
He grew up in Venezuela if that’s relevant. Does anyone know if there is a higher rate of HSV in Latin America? I’ve tried looking up data but it’s hard to find. He also said his mom had a c-section so idk how she would transfer HSV2 to him during birth?
Also wondering if there is any likelihood or possibility that my outbreak started out as a cut/tear and caused an outbreak after the virus had been dormant? Probably wishful thinking, but I know the longer you have the virus in your system, the less you will experience viral shedding… I’m wishing/hoping I’ve actually had this all along and it hasn’t been a big deal lol. The only reason I’m thinking this is because my outbreak was so incredibly mild. Probably dumb but thought I would ask!
Thanks in advance to anyone who read all that! Sending you all my love and good vibes - trying to learn to accept my new herpes+ life!

here is some backstory. I have been with my better half for 32 years. Sort of young love sweethearts. We are in our early 50’s. We have had a lot of ups and downs over the years. We struggled a lot. The kids are now gone and there is just the two of us. The house is pretty quiet and I would hear these strange noises at night after I have gone to bed with women talking and he is making very low noises, etc. He would be sitting up and saying he can’t sleep, etc.and he would come back to bed. I started recording these noises because I would think I was going crazy. Unfortunately, my spidey sense tells me he got a feel-connect device with random women and call girls. The talk wasn’t loud enough to hear but my gut was screaming that something was wrong. It began to escalate that he would stay behind while I ran errands during the day. So, I started to record while I was gone. Conversations were pretty clear and especially when he spoke with a booking agent and said she was with one girl more than 10 times and he really liked her. He calls them hookers and tells them to take their clothes off and blow him among other things. So, I confronted him. He denies everything and even offered to sign a legal document that he has never cheated and does not have any sex toys and doesn’t even talk to other women. He even made an appointment with a marriage counsellor for us. He said I hear the tv but I know it isn’t that. He deleted his apps on his phone, gave me his password, credit card details, offered to put up cameras in the house on the condition I deleted the recordings. That night he told this chick that in the bathroom while I was listening that he was having problems with his wife and he would make it up to her. He has a game plan. Where he is getting the money to pay her, I don’t know or if she is doing this for free. My Ah has very low self esteem and I would boost up his spirits, make him laugh, send him boudoir photos when he has a rough day at work for the past 6 months.
Now,after hearing that last call. He isn’t planning to stop. My whole world has come crashing. Three weeks ago, I packed my stuff to leave for a few days but ended up in the hospital instead due to a serious inflammation and he said he couldn’t live without. Me. He states if I did leave, I would had died somewhere in the car running away. He has been attentive lately. But this issue is still lingering. I don’t trust him at all for the first time in 32 years. I don’t even know at this time if I will ever trust him again. I want to hear from others if I should just plan an escape route and just separate from him or continue to still be here and try to fix it?

TLDR (first because this is a long one); I want to wait for someone who doesn't have the physical/mental capacity right now (and may never have the capacity) for a romantic relationship but I'm not sure if that's a good thing for me to do to myself any longer. Also, they might not even want me anymore haha.
I (she/her) just turned 22. The person I'm in love with is 23 (she/her). We met while I was living in her city but now I'm back home about 9ish hours away by car.
We dated briefly. I kinda ruined things by having alot of anxiety over being long distance once I would move back/continue traveling to new cities and being in an open relationship. My anxiety was caused by two things, 1) never being in something non-monogamous before and reckoning with my own ideas of what a relationship I am in should look like and 2) she once said something like "ideally, I could just have you to myself". That second one really got into my head. Now we are not dating but I've made it pretty obvious that my feelings haven't changed and while she hasn't told me to pull it back, she has not demonstrated a desire to return them.
I'm young and I plan to travel as much as I can in the near future. I like sex and I want to explore with different people and situations. She is mostly ace and has said before she wanted me to have the option to have my needs met with other people because she can't be expected to meet them. I think I could get used to being with other people and not be guilty about it, but the idea of not being exactly what she wants in a partner makes me think twice.
This is someone I could see myself building a life with. I love her and she is so patient with me despite having an exhausting life. When she has the energy she's really good at being a loving person. She has a ton of medical and disabilty stuff that makes day to day functioning incredibly hard. I really don't know how she does it and manages to still be around idiots like me. Granted, she rarely has the energy to put up with me, which is another thing that is hard to swallow and I feel guilty about wanting to be different.
I've gotten better and also it's been a trial by fire for my anxious attatchment issues haha, but I have to be careful not to message too much or ask to see her because it puts pressure on her to give more than she usually has. I want someone who I can call on the phone (which I've asked for but has never worked out) and plan weekend trips to see. I feel incredibly needy and sometimes I question if I'm just too much or if I'm being selfish. I've seen how consuming her disabilities can be and yet I'm over here feeling sorry for myself because she doesn't always reply back within 12 hours.
I don't know if there will ever be a right time for us. I don't know if I settle down and get a stable career and a permanant place to live and a better car and decide I don't need to explore more sexually, if she will want to be with me more. I want to want to move on. But no one else is her.
There have been alot of people in her life who have left her behind and she's told me that it's hard to love and trust because of that. I'm afraid of losing the chance of being with her because if I start seeing other people or someone else romantically, not just casually, she'll think that I don't want her or she wasn't enough. But I do want her. And I can wait as long as she wants if I just knew she wanted me. I don't even need the promise of a right time, because neither of us know if that's ever going to happen. I just want her to want me enough to ask. I have this idea in my head that if i find someone else, even a poly thing, any trust she has left in me will be broken. I don't want to be another person that becomes just a friend and finds their person while she just looks on wishing things had been different and she didn't have things making her life so much more complicated and difficult than most people. It's not fair. I would do anything to make her life easier, even remove myself from it entirely if that's what she wanted.
She can't give me what I want right now. What I need I guess. I can deal with the sexual part, but the lack of emotional and romantic attention really makes me feel like something is missing. And it hurts. I love her so much and just want to be with her. The last time I saw her in person it was for only part of the day and I was just so grateful to be there with her and get to hug her. I wanted to ask to kiss her but knew it was a bad idea.
I wish I could ask her about all this, but it's too much right now and I'm scared of losing her altogether because I'm bringing stress to her life. If it wasn't for the medical issues I would just ask. I'm not a shy person and I need clear communication. Once, when we were more involved, I wrote her a really intense love lettemessage and she told me it was too much and she felt extremely emotionally pressured. Now I'm terrified to try and clarify anything because she may just say I'm too much for her and she needs to take care of herself first and foremost and cut me off. I want her to take care of herself and I respect her so much for knowing where to put her energy.
I just wish I could be more apart of her life, ya know? I don't need much, just a little reassurance know and then without having to ask for it. I just want to be there and know I'm important to her. It's hard to feel that way when I feel like a burden for just asking her how her day is. If she told me to wait, I would wait as long as she needed. I don't think she will ever ask and at this point im not sure if she even wants me anymore. Reading this back makes me feel crazy, but honestly she really does give just enough to give me hope.
What the fuck do I do? I don't want to lose her but I'm really hurting by being in love with someone who can't return it right now. And what if I start dating someone else and these feelings are still so strong? Is that even an honest thing to do to a new person?
Sorry this is so long. It's all I've been thinking about for about two months now. I'm tired. I just want to be loved and be able to give my love freely. I have always felt like too much and it's funny because I was just starting to get over that and now it's like no, your baseline is literally too much for this person haha.
Thank you for listening <3 if you have any advice, I would be very thankful to hear it. I'm a mess, I know.

Heyy, I’m looking for someone to chat, call and watch shows with. Also someone to just call with, play games and watch movies together etc. I’d also prefer to make some guy friends and my age limit is 22! I’m just looking for someone who’s kind and nice and maybe a bit lonely, so I can help with that😁
I’m gay, yes you found a gay human male in the wild.
I love reading books and watching shows.
My favorite animals are eagles and dragons lol.
I also like playing video games, but only when I have other friends to play with.
I would be super happy if you would dm me or write a comment, maybe we can even become best friends ideally!! :)

My mom's side of the family and my dad have all been telling me that I need to foster a relationship with her and to "See her for who she is rather than who she was". Now for context:
My mom abused me through most of my life. She would explode over little things and demean me for doing childlike things. She was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to me up until I was 19 years old. I remember her hitting me when I was sick to the point that I shat myself at age 11. I remember her throwing away my favorite things/telling me she was going to (and that I had to pick it) and watched me cry as she put it in the garbage only to be handed said thing 2 days later say she hoped I learned my lesson. I was no older than 5. I remember her back handing me and cu++ing my face with her ring because I spoke back to her about not waking her up to get my sister to school and missing the bus. She sent me to school crying and when I told my teacher what happened(because I walked in sullen and crying) and CPS got called and my family was questioned; my mom got upset at me because "You should've talked to me about it not the guidance counselor". Later on in life, when I was about 15 my mom lunged at my dad with a sharp pokey device and attempted to unalive him. My dad luckily dodged this and ended up throwing her into the garage (it's was only 4 steps down so she wasn't injured) to escape her. She came out of the garage crying and limping to me saying my dad threw her and that he hurt her. I went to go to my dad (who was in his shop) to talk to him and as I passed the garage( the door was still open) I saw the sharp pokey device with a bit of red human juice on it and ran down the stairs. I asked him why he threw my mom and why there was a sharp pokey device in the garage. He told me what happened and showed me where the it caught him in the neck (it luckily was a surface cut and didn't cause severe damage, but it did end up scarring) shocked I hugged him and ran back upstairs to confront my mom on what she did. She told how he's just been making her so miserable and she just wanted him to go away and that that was all she could think of. I don't remember much after she said that, but the next thing I do remember is feeling sick to my stomach laying in bed with tears running down my face.
I ended up severing contact except for updates about my little sister. It was genuinely the first time in my life where things were peaceful. There was no fighting, no anger, no chaos. It felt so wonderful. But now my mom is in therapy and is begging to have a relationship with me. She's apologized for everything she put ne through and gave the reason she did it was that she was in a toxic and abusive marriage with my dad and that she didn't know how to handle it all. I understand where she's coming from but it doesn't give her the excuse to have done what all she did to me. She really messed me up and I don't know what to do with it. She's hurt ne and made me witness so much hurt that it's hard to be around her. But she's my mom and I want to love her with out all the anger and resentment I hold for her. So am I the asshole for being hesitant to have her back in my life?

one of the other books I was reading when I was travelling in London and recently finished was Elena Ferrante’s “My Brilliant Friend”. This book reads like a memoir, to the point where I’m not actually sure if it’s fiction or non-fiction, and tells the emotional tale of two friends, Elena and Lila, growing up together through strife and happiness in the more poverty-stricken areas of Naples. It was definitely a beautiful book to bring to Europe — all the lush descriptions of markets and the seaside made for great company. It delivers such emotional passages and the anger and frustration that can come with class division even within a single town. The first fifty or so pages were a bit slow, but otherwise I was hooked despite me not loving it as much as other reads and movies I saw connections to (in terms of content) such as Eugenides’s “Middlesex” and Studio Ghibli’s “Only Yesterday”. I also applaud it for its dynamic showing of innocence transforming into knowledge, maturity developing from ignorance. The twist on the title that’s revealed in the novel was, for lack of a better term, brilliant, and it also does a great job of showing the pursuit of happiness in a very harsh upbringing, and how much of that one can reduce to simple childhood ignorance. Overall I’d recommend picking this one up, despite me not knowing if I would read the next one (it was quite a heavy read, so if anything I would return to this series after a break). ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️