Craigslist hawaii

“When we get to Hawaii we’re gonna eat HEALTHY do YOGA I’m gonna better myself” less than 24 hrs in Hawaii cramming fast food, being a h8ter ass bitch, a pathological liar, & wasting water:

2023.03.06 05:00 snowflakepr1ncess “When we get to Hawaii we’re gonna eat HEALTHY do YOGA I’m gonna better myself” less than 24 hrs in Hawaii cramming fast food, being a h8ter ass bitch, a pathological liar, & wasting water:

“When we get to Hawaii we’re gonna eat HEALTHY do YOGA I’m gonna better myself” less than 24 hrs in Hawaii cramming fast food, being a h8ter ass bitch, a pathological liar, & wasting water: submitted by snowflakepr1ncess to icywyattsnarkk [link] [comments]

2023.03.05 21:42 Responsible_Edge_980 LMFAO, remember when he kept denying he put stormy on Craigslist🤥🤡🤡

LMFAO, remember when he kept denying he put stormy on Craigslist🤥🤡🤡 submitted by Responsible_Edge_980 to icywyattsnarkk [link] [comments]

2023.01.20 17:29 -MrWrightt- College Football Risk is Back - Rainbow Warriors, we need your help! (for a strange reddit competition)

Do you like Hawaii?
Do you like meaningless reddit competitions?
Are you capable of clicking a button once a day?
If you answered yes to all of those questions, then join us at CollegeFootballRisk and help them survive in a completely arbitrary game of Risk based on a map of US colleges!
The idea is simple---go to once a day, and select to attack or defend a territory for your team. That's it. 1 person = 1 vote. The more votes, the higher the chance you win the territory. Lose all your territories, and you're out! The game is free and hosted through reddit, its mostly a popularity contest with some strategy.
Invite your friends! Invite strangers! Post anywhere and everywhere. Snapchat, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, old Groupchats you'd forgotten about, Craigslist, eHarmony, Tinder, text your ex, email your dad, message your DnD group, build it in Minecraft
submitted by -MrWrightt- to UniversityofHawaii [link] [comments]

2023.01.03 04:27 KauaiSun Are garage sales or yard sales popular on the Big Island (specifically the Kona side)?

I am from the Midwest, and garage sales are huge in the spring and summer months. Are they popular in Hawaii, and if so, are they advertised anywhere (Facebook, Craigslist, etc.)?
submitted by KauaiSun to MovingtoHawaii [link] [comments]

2022.12.28 22:38 fiftyshadesofseth Buying from private party vs dealership

Good morning askcarsales,
I’m moving to Hawaii soon and I’m looking at the available options for used cars that are within my budget ($3k to $8k) and I’ve noticed an interesting trend with how the vehicles are being priced.
For context I am shopping for an early 2000’s coupe/sedan/SUV and I’ve been looking on Craigslist and Facebook and I’m seeing that private party sellers are listing these kind of vehicles for an average price of 4k to 5.5k and I’m talking BMWs and Lexus’ and Mercedes-Benz being sold for these prices. But compared to Dealership prices it’s an average of 9k to 11k. Is this normal? Are dealerships going to overprice their inventory to make profit or the cars being priced fairly? And the private party sellers, are these vehicles cheaper because there is something wrong with them or is this price trend normal?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
submitted by fiftyshadesofseth to askcarsales [link] [comments]

2022.12.12 13:29 jrw202 Free bun on Craigslist Hawaii- Oahu (not mine)

Free bun on Craigslist Hawaii- Oahu (not mine) submitted by jrw202 to Rabbits [link] [comments]

2022.12.07 08:27 Ambitious-Design22 Lost iPhone

I'm not sure if a post like this is allowed, but if it's not, please remove!
Two and a half weeks ago, I lost my work iPhone. It was in Waikiki. I had so many photos and videos of valuable memories on there and heartbreakingly, none of it was backed up on the cloud.
It's a white iPhone 12 in a clear case with an Iolani Palace sticker on it. I've tried every possible thing to get it back: called Iolani Palace to see if someone turned it in there, called the ABC store across from the bench where I think I left it at, posted on VisitingHawaii, posted on multiple Facebook groups, called the police department, filed a police report, contacted my AirBNB host, called my company's IT department, called Apple Support, posted on Craigslist, and left a Lost iPhone message on the lock screen. The thing is, no one turned the phone off. In maybe the 20+ times I've called it, it never went straight to voicemail, except once where it hung up after three rings a few days in. After 6 days, it started going straight to voicemail and it seems like it died.
I lost it on 11/17. If anyone found or bought a used white iPhone 12 since then, would you please message me?
I'm willing to pay a large sum to buy it back, and practically anything if my photos are videos are still on there.
submitted by Ambitious-Design22 to Hawaii [link] [comments]

2022.11.21 22:04 ohhoneyno_ [Thank You] for lifting my spirits before this procedure.

Waiting for my teeth removal and decided to read these before i go, so that I can maybe not feel as crappy.
Thank you to:
u/todayisfab - since the Philippines considered the pacific Islands, I implore you to look up "tinikling". That is where my origin story is. Unlike the beautiful dances of Hawaii or the god invoking tahitian dances, the Philippines essentially mixes that hard-core Asian discipline/learning techniques into its own dance where if you aren't fast enough your toes will be broken by two bamboo poles. I love my heritage but damn if we didn't hit that one right on the nose. My grandma used to get her hands bruised by the nuns because she's a natural lefty and was born when they still believed left handedness is close to devil worshipping.
u/retrorabbit79 - I have, in fact, seen baby panda videos and though I now do not support most zoos, I did get to see a somewhat baby panda (baby by panda years) in all of its clumsy glory.
u/rainbowquarts_ - thank you for telling me about resonating with Kiki. I think that we all struggle with where our place in the world is. And the frustrating part is that you never really find out.
u/pickupthepieces_ - add this to the pile I should create for this week? I have a whole file folder in an organizer dedicated to you like some Craigslist weirdo, except I'm too poor to come stalk you.
u/littlemermaidxx- (2x) thank you to Willa and you. I love that you included the prose that I couldn't find online for me. I am so glad we got to share that book together.
u/SherlockLady- you know, it's funny because I was having the worst anxiety about my teeth removal in an hour and I was going to write to you when your card came in and now I'll write to you anyways. You'll always have to find out who you are because we are living, breathing, sentient creatures that form and demolish beliefs as we interact with the internet and the world around us constantly. We are constantly evolving and devolving and
submitted by ohhoneyno_ to RandomActsofCards [link] [comments]

2022.11.13 01:44 Adventurous-Fox-6270 Kristen Modafferi's Missing: Reporting "Runaway" Teenage Children Missing

When time is sensitive and can quite literally mean the difference between life and death, the status of being a 16-18 year-old teenager, being hardly an adult, may obstruct parents' attempts to preserve the safety of their children if law enforcement believes them to be runaways.
Kristen Deborah Modafferi disappeared under vague, undefined circumstances in San Francisco, California. However, law enforcement figured she was a runaway at eighteen years old, terribly delaying the search. This may have been what truly doomed her; she is still unfound more than 25 years later, since June 23, 1997. Although Kristen's Law would consequentially establish the National Center for Missing Adults, a lack of funding would terminate the organization. And, you probably aren't familiar with the law because it expired.
Kristen Deborah Modafferi was born on June 1, 1979 in Danbury, Connecticut to her mother Debbie and father Bob who were employed as teachers and chemical engineers respectively. They would raise Kristen in Charlotte, North Carolina. Kristen loved coffee, music, photography, and exploring scenic beaches through walks and exercise. By 1997, Kristen would complete her freshman year at North Carolina State University through a scholarship. She decided to invest her summertime into studying photography at the University of California, Berkeley. Kristen would take to the notorious website, Craigslist, to search for housing options. She found a listing for a vacant room in a house on Jayne Avenue in Oakland of the state. Four male roommates lived there, romance or sex were never implied. Meanwhile, Kristen worked part-time at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and maintained a full-time job at a coffee shop.
On the afternoon of June 23, 1997, just three weeks after her eighteenth birthday, Kristen concluded her shift at the coffee shop around 3:00 p.m. Coworkers later recalled Kristen mentioning that she would visit Baker Beach later that day to attend a party. Instead of leaving work promptly - as coworkers commented she usually does at the end of her shifts - Kristen was seen talking to an unidentified blonde woman on the second floor of the Galleria. This blonde woman has never been identified. Video surveillance caught footage of Kristen withdrawing cash from an ATM.
Kristen continued to be absent for her photography classes at Berkeley UC, classes for which she already paid tuition. Moreover, her paycheck from the coffee shop was also unclaimed. Kristen's roommates later commented to authorities that she did not return home on the night of June 23, but they did not report her as missing. When Kristen's father, Bob Modafferi left a voicemail on the house's landline, a male roommate returned the call to inform him that she had not been seen for days. An investigator said Kristen left nothing behind to indicate whether she was alive or dead.
Bob and Debbie Modafferi frantically flew to San Francisco four days later on June 27, reporting Kristen missing to the police department in California. However, they were told that law enforcement could not yet begin investigating the disappearance until June 30 - which would be an entire week after Kristen last being seen - due to the department perceiving her as a runaway who would, eventually, emerge. In the meantime, the Modafferi family hired a private investigator, offering a $50,000 reward for any information leading to Kristen's location.
Police bloodhound picked up Kristen's scent to a bus from its stop outside of the Galleria, where she had associated with the unnamed blonde women. Her trail was present at the end of the bus route, too, ending near Sutro Heights Park. Her scent especially terminated at the waterline of the ocean. Investigators suspected that Kristen fell into the ocean and was swallowed by overwhelming waves as many previous victims. However, it was a popular tourist destination where witnesses would surely see her distress, supposedly.
Back in Kristen's room, her parents found a Bay Guardian newspaper stuffed in a trashcan. In it, a personal advertisement was circled, reading: "FRIENDS: female seeking friends who share activities, who enjoy music, photography, working out, walks, coffee, or simply the beach, exploring the Bay area!" Interested, call me." Although the newspaper purged their catalog and was unable to determine who placed the ad, theories quickly emerged. The similarities with Kristen's own hobbies and favorite things were staggering. There was no implication that Kristen responded to the ad, though, it is possible that she posted it herself.
On July 10, 1997, now 17 days after Kristen initially disappeared, television station KGO-TV received word from a caller that Kristen was murdered by two women before her body was disposed under a bridge near Point Reyes. No body was there. The caller was identified as thrity-six year-okd Jon Onuma. He lived near the Galleria. Onuma later admitted that phoned in the false tip to get revenge on two women who were coworkers with his girlfriend, Jill Lampo, at the local YMCA where they harassed her, plotting to eventually get her fired. Conflicting statements suggest that Kristen had been killed following a lesbian love affair, possibly alluding to their employment at the YMCA.
As Onuma was investigated, he denied ever meeting Kristen. However, it was discovered that Onuma did previously place personal advertisements to attract women so he could coerce then into sex. Onuma passed a polygraph test and reaffirmed his innocence. There was not enough evidence to take Onuma into custody, so he later left to his native home of Hawaii in 1999.
The two women in question were eventually tracked down and contacted. They, too, denied having ever meet Kristen but agreed that Onuma has a grudge against them. One of his girlfriends who kept a diary had pages missing from the date of Kristen's disappearance, saying that some of the content was could be devastating and come back to hurt Onuma.
Much later, in 2015, an independent search of the house was executed. An investigator was accompanied by a cadaver dog and used a device to detect human decomposition chemicals. They recommended that the police department excavate a concrete slab in the basement of the home where Kristen had lived because they were alerted to the presence of human remains. The device pinpointed the presence of human remains between 274 Jayne Avenue and 278 Avenue, the house directly next door. It seemed to have been sourced from a crime scene than a burial, and a chemical trace of human blood was detected on the porch steps of the 278 Jayne Avenue residence. However, it only matched the blood samples of Bob and Debbie, Kristen's parents. However, due to internal mishandling and disagreements in the Oakland police department, the investigation went nowhere.
Kristen's Law was signed into law by the former U.S. president Bill Clinton in 2000. Kristen's Law is meant to "provide assistance to law enforcement and families in missing persons cases of those over the age of 17." While there were foundations for missing children, there were none for teenagers approaching adulthood or adults at all. Although $1 million was authorized to sustain the National Center for Missing Adults organization each year, it exhausted federal funding in 2005, and Kristen's Law actually expired. It has since continued through the efforts of volunteers. However, the sentiment of searching for missing people, regardless of their age, continues through general law.
Did Kristen disappear in the ocean? Had Kristen inadvertently attracted her attacker through a personal ad? Could that attacker have been Onuma? Do his previous girlfriends know more than they are letting on? Was Kristen involved in a lesbian love affair? Did her male roommates from Craigslist bury her under their house?
With many questions still, Kristen's parents grieve, and Kristen has never been found.
submitted by Adventurous-Fox-6270 to writteninblood [link] [comments]

2022.10.27 02:25 -hayabusa Where to Sell Your Stuff?

We're moving off Island next month and need to sell our furniture. I've posted on FB (including several local swap meet groups) and 90% of the responders are scammers. They don't even live in Hawaii. Craigslist doesn't seem as popular anymore.
Where do you guys (especially military) sell your stuff fast when needing to move? And if it doesn't sell, how do you get rid of it so it doesn't end up in the landfill? Since Covid, the charity orgs (Salvation Army, etc.) no longer pick up, either.
submitted by -hayabusa to Hawaii [link] [comments]

2022.10.11 08:00 Xikkiwikk Open burning

Open burning has been illegal for decades on all Hawaii islands and yet people burn stuff EVERY day where I am. I can't open a window for air when people burn things and the police and fire department won't help unless I can see the fire and have an address. Whoever it is I can't see the fire but I sure do smell and feel it when they start up. How can this be stopped? Should I just move since the air is poisonous and law enforcement can't help? It seems ridiculous that it's been illegal for this long and yet on Craigslist when it's been talked about, it seems like open burning happens all over big isle. Does no one care about the environment or air? I'm honestly probably going to get cancer from all the smoke people put out, it's that bad.
submitted by Xikkiwikk to BigIsland [link] [comments]

2022.09.13 22:46 SeashellGal7777 Looking for small RV/Van to ship to Hawaii - Advice?

I lost my home/everything in the 2018 Kīlauea eruption and have been stranded on the mainland since then. I’m in WA state, where older ones are usually leaky, mildewy, moldy, super high miles and/or outrageously expensive. I’d likely need to buy something that won’t leak/mold immediately, which leaves me very few expensive options. I’ve searched local, state and nationwide websites, Craigslist, etc., and have a few friends looking in various states, but we’re just not finding much that doesn’t have major problems, very high miles and/or is outrageously priced. Besides the obvious websites, are there any others people would recommend? I can fly anywhere to pick one up.
I do have a 2002 Honda Odyssey that I bought new in Hawaii, with only 30K miles, but it’s looking like it has the lemon transmission that Odysseys are known for. I’d prefer something larger than a regular sized minivan, but it might do in a pinch? It’s hard to imagine living in something as small as my minivan. Any advice is welcome.
submitted by SeashellGal7777 to VanLife [link] [comments]

2022.08.29 23:45 purplepimplepopper [Suggestion] Is this a good deal

“For sale is a complete pc gaming set up including HP Omen 30L, 2 ASUS 24” monitors, razer mouse/wireless headset, razer keyboard, speaker, 47” computer desk, gaming chair. Everything you need to be playing the top games out today!
Would like to sell as a complete package but willing to split up computemonitors for the right price.
ASUS TUF 24” g-sync gaming monitor 144Hz ASUS 24” monitor - used as second monitor Razer deathadder mouse Razer Ornata Chroma keyboard Razer Nari essential wireless 7.1 surround headset 47” computer desk with drawer Aluminum headphone stand Adjustable gaming chair fits me comfortably at 6’1
HP Omen 30L AMD Ryzen 7 3700x 16gb memory NVIDIA GeForce RTX 2600 1 TB HD 256gb SSD
Computer is a very powerful machine and plays AAA games at high/ultra no problem!
Wouldn’t be looking to sell this set up but im moving to Hawaii and traveling light so this is up for grabs.
Price is obo Respond to this ad for more info/pictures”
Found on Craigslist for $1600 obo
submitted by purplepimplepopper to suggestapc [link] [comments]

2022.08.04 23:17 Worth-Falcon4275 Multi-purpose 30L pack: Day tours and summer rock climbing

I just got into ski touring this past winter after scoring a whole gear kit on Craigslist from a Shasta guide who decided to move to Hawaii. The included pack was a Mystery Ranch Gallatin Peak 40, which is an excellent, bomber, comfortable, well-made pack that will last me a long time, but just feels like an unnecessarily large empty sack on day trips.
So I'm in the market for a ~30L pack, and while I'm at it, it would be cool if I could also use this pack for summer rock climbing trips. I'm mainly just looking for a feature for attaching a rope draped over the top of the bag -- I'm not into big multipitch trad ascents (yet). Edit: I don't plan to wear this pack while climbing, only during approach hikes.
The ideal bag has the following features:
Any recommendations for packs you use and love, pack brands to look at and stay away from, etc. are all welcome. Thanks in advance!
submitted by Worth-Falcon4275 to Backcountry [link] [comments]

2022.07.10 17:47 mizuno_misaki3 Best way to get a car?

Hi, I’m moving to the Rockville area in about two weeks, coming from Hawaii. My family and I are currently debating the easiest way to ensure I have a car in the area. Options are to 1. ship my car and rent in the meantime (or if the public transportation is good I’ll use that) or 2. buy a car once I’m there.
I’m looking for suggestions on where to buy a car and if it’s better to go to a dealership, a used car lot, or look on craigslist. I’m still looking for apartments/rooms too, but my job is located adjacent to the Montgomery campus of Johns Hopkins, which according to the address is located in Rockville. I’m hoping for a relatively short commute.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
submitted by mizuno_misaki3 to Rockville [link] [comments]

2022.06.16 22:46 AlexanderMegaTramp [USA-CA] [H] 3080 Zotac Amp Holo, 3070 Asus Rog Strix, 3070 Zotac Amp Holo [W]Local cash/Paypal G&S SELLING

These have all been mined on, staying pretty much around 55c core temp at all times. Kept my a/c on during the day(rip profits) because it was too hot in my living room. Ranging from about 6-12 months on all of them. I prefer Local but will ship if I don't get offers for local.
95110 zip. IF LOCAL MUST PICK UP in dtsj. -$50 for local pickup
  1. Sold ! through craigslist 3080 Zotac Amp Holo $700 shipped
  2. 3070 Zotac Amp Holo $500 shipped/
  3. 3070 Asus Rog Strix $550 shipped/
Everything that ships will need a signature. Shipping only within U.S. (not alaska or hawaii.)
submitted by AlexanderMegaTramp to hardwareswap [link] [comments]

2022.05.19 05:41 esdamndaniel Job advice

Hey guys! I'll be work trading at an organic farm this summer in Kauai. I will also need a part time job in the afternoons to earn a bit of money to sustain myself. I have been contacting some businesses via craigslist but they have told me I have to be an American resident or have a work visa. I'm from Mexico, I have a tourist visa, which means I can legally be in the states for 6 months at a time. Getting a work visa is nearly impossible for me, so it's not an option.
So I was wondering if some fellow redditors could help me with some advice on where to seek a bit more informal jobs, or what should I tell the business owners. Or this is a long shot, but if anyone has a business or knows of someone that is hiring people like me, it would be awesome if I could get in touch with them. I'm very loyal and hardworking, I have experience in the food industry (restaurants and cafes) and a bit in landscaping. I'm also an avid hiker, which is big part of the reason why I want to go to Hawai'i, so I could work in the ecotourism business too.
It has been my dream for multiple years now to live in Hawai'i for a short period of time, and finally things have alligned and I'm flying there on June 8th. It all started since I read about this place in school. The history, the geology, nature, and just about everything fascinates me. Also, an important note too is that I'm very respectful with the culture, nature and locals.
So yeah... getting a job is the only way I could make it possible, so any help is very much appreciated!!
submitted by esdamndaniel to kauai [link] [comments]

2022.05.11 21:23 LesserOhio65 Tutoring demand?

I'm a computer science college student and I wasn't able to land any internships for the summer, so now I'm trying to find a part-time job. Tutoring seems like the best fit for me, but I'm not really sure about the demand in Hawaii for it in the summer, and especially for computer science. Is UH and the university system a good place to advertise to? Or would high schools be better? Also, does anyone know of any sites other than craigslist to try and find tutoring opportunities? Thanks.
submitted by LesserOhio65 to Hawaii [link] [comments]

2022.03.23 22:54 Lucky-Matter-310 How to find a place to stay in Lutherville Timonium, MD during cancer treatments?

My family and I are traveling from Hawaii to the Lutherville Timonium, MD area mid-April through June so my wife can get cancer treatments at Johns Hopkins, and I'm having a hard time finding a place for us to stay. Airbnb, VRBO, and Craigslist have very few listings in that area. Also, the rentals I'm finding on Zillow want 4 month - 1 year leases which is too long for us. Are there any local forums/websites that might help us find a sublet or house swap? We’re looking for a furnished 3 bedroom, 2 bath close to Johns Hopkins Green Spring Station.
submitted by Lucky-Matter-310 to BaltimoreCounty [link] [comments]

2022.03.17 01:51 kekoa75 Searching for rental housing

Aloha, my father-in-law is losing his residence due to the landlord deciding to sell. With the insane rental housing market here he's having a tough time. He's older and not that tech savvy so I'm trying to help him. Aside from networking with friends and family and posting on Craigslist are there any good sites/social media sources to search or post an ad to? I helped him write an ad which is below if you're interested or know of anything available. Mahalo!
Aloha, my roommate and I are currently looking for a new place to rent as we have been notified by our landlord of his intent to sell our house. We are looking for a place from Lihue to Kapa’a and prefer a 2 bedroom but would consider a studio or 1 bedroom as well. Price is negotiable but I am seeking something under $2000. I am self-employed with a thriving handyman business so would be willing to discuss a full or partial work trade situation for home repairs or improvements. I am local born and raised in Hawaii and have been at my current residence for 13 years and have a recommendation letter from my current landlord. We are quiet and drama free. Mahalo for your time!
submitted by kekoa75 to kauai [link] [comments]

2022.03.15 08:52 NebulousWasTaken Dose anyone have a 19” beige crt from ‘98 or ‘99 they want to get rid of?

I live in Hawaii and my 19” crt monitor just died on me and I can’t find any I want on eBay and there’s no crts on Craigslist or facebook yard sales on island. If you have one you are willing to sell to me I will pay however much shipping costs plus the amount you want for it. I would like a 19” trinitron or viewsonic from 1999 or 1998 please lmk if you got one?
submitted by NebulousWasTaken to vintagecomputing [link] [comments]

2022.02.16 18:36 Plastic-Code-5342 I will not cry because it's over. I will smile because it happened

Throwaway account for safety reasons, also first time being on this site period. It's been about 2 months since my STBXW told me she was never coming back Christmas eve. I saw it coming but never expected this to be the outcome. I always saw this as separation but with the intent on fixing all of the problems that drove us away from each other over the decade we were together and 14 years we knew each other.
I met my STBXW while I was in training for the army and we hit it off right away, to the extent that she flew down for a 3 day weekend to see me and it was great. I never expected more than a 1 night stand out of it because she lived so far away, I figured that once I was done with training we would never see each other again but she kept contact and kept visiting me. I really grew to appreciate her and she was there for every good thing that happened and everything bad that happened, but was scared of full on commitment. We tried to date long distance in the past but we could never get the timing right, either I was unable to consistently talk to her or she found another person closer to her, it just never seemed to work. In 2009 I deployed to Iraq and that experience changed pretty much every facet of my life. From mental disorders stemming from my deployment to physical issues it really fucked me up and I went down a trail of self destruction pretty heavily. I found out that my then fiancé cheated on me while I was deployed. I don't know why, I just kind of reached out to my STBXW and we caught up like we were never apart from each other. She knew about my deployment and she always helped me find peace and calm and I guess I started to grow dependent on that feeling. We would still make trips to visit each other and finally I decided I had enough and I wanted to see if I could make things work and actually commit. I asked her to move 8 hours away to be with me, and to my surprise she did. That next year we got married and I can tell you with certainty that I have never been happier since that day.

About 6 months after we got married I found out she was soliciting people on craigslist for sexual adventures and my heart sank. All the happiness left my life and I stopped caring about a lot of things and flew into a depression I hadn't known since returning from Iraq. I still wanted to make it work so I never let her know I knew but it was hard to look at her the same way again. fast forward 3 years. We had ups, and we had downs but it never felt excessive in my mind. We bought a house together and it really felt like our life was truly beginning to point upwards. I started seeing therapists and going through CBI for my PTSD attributed to my deployment. Then the worst thing happened, and I remember the day so crystal clear. I was taking her phone to get fixed because she had just gotten a new phone and the SIM card wasn't working, and I found out she had been having an affair with one of her married coworkers via text messages she received after the phone started working. Again, I was devastated and looking back on everything, the marriage should have probably ended there, but I kept looking at everything she and I had been through and I always looked at the past with rose colored glasses I guess. I wanted to make this work and I was willing to put in the effort to do so. We went to counseling, and I tried my hardest to pretend it didn't happen, that I wasn't such a failure that we couldn't fix things. I didn't want to lose her because in my head she was worth fighting for.
Have you ever dealt with depression so heavily that you couldn't function? That's me and has been me for probably the last two years. I stopped caring for myself. I became noncompliant in my doctor's appointments and focused exclusively on relying on my STBXW for my happiness which I know isn't fair to her. I didn't have the energy to get out of bed most days unless it was for work. I was struggling and I didn't know how to approach my STBXW about it. I needed help and she wasn't willing to put forth the effort in helping me unless I could help myself. 2021 we planned for and went on a trip to Hawaii and it was life changing. The problem is because I have physical issues I couldn't do everything she wanted and I feel like she resented me for it. Christmas eve she told me she wanted a divorce. The last few months I found out she has been vilifying me as what seems like the sole person who caused the marriage to fail. I have been accused of being financially abusive (All I wanted to do was aggressively pay off our debt early so we could spend 100% of our income as we wanted, and looking back I fully admit that it was a very aggressive plan that we should have discussed further together. I was just so excited to finally have a grasp over my financial life because of her help that I didn't want to fuck it up for stupid reasons.). She's accused me of stalking her through means that don't even make sense (a LinkedIn "people you may know" notification popped up one day from a 3rd layer contact, I clicked it, and she immediately blew up demanding to know how I knew about this person, besides, what information would I get from LinkedIn apparently belonging to one of her friends?). She's insistent that I'm trying to screw her out of money she feels she deserves, either from the equity in the house or another avenue, when I've gone to the most extreme lengths to make sure she gets her fair share. (I paid for a home appraisal that came back absurdly low, making her payout almost non existent, so I paid for a second opinion out of my own pocket in order to get her what she actually deserves). She refuses to let me have any of the 4 cats we raised together, two of which have literally stopped me from taking my life at the beginning of this ordeal by not leaving my side. I know a lot of this because I was alerted by a friend to her posts on reddit describing her view of this entire situation, while omitting the bad things she did throughout the decade we were together (she has a very distinct user name and a friend saw it). I refuse to do that and I am willing to take ownership of my problems and admit my fault here, but it did help me recognize some of the more subtle things that affected her greatly.

I am not perfect, and I will be the first to admit my shortcomings that attributed to this failure, while are mostly the outcome of not getting help for what the Army did to me, they are still mine and I will accept and own that. It was very difficult for me to give up control of certain things because a fear of losing control would lead to devastating effects. I was so insecure about her infidelity that I was jealous when she would talk to her male coworkers. I've been so depressed that I had no desire to help around the house, nor did I care to take care of myself. Because of anxiety and PTSD I'm very prone to explosive and undirected angry outbursts over minor inconveniences. I've been accused of being narcissistic but in reality I'm not. I needed her to love me, I needed her to help me. She took all of her frustration out on me and I felt like it was all my fault even if it wasn't, that she was upset, or angry, or sad, and wanted nothing more than to take it away from her, which I now know to be impossible. For the first time in almost a decade, I am putting myself first and focusing on self care. I have been compliant in therapy and medication for two months - my longest streak. I am losing weight (Christmas eve, I was 280. At this moment I'm 251 and still dropping). I'm exercising (something I thought I could never do extensively), And I've managed to keep the house moderately clean, and I've taken care of the cats by myself, while these things seem mundane to most, they are things I could never see myself doing 6 months ago. I am realizing I do not need a relationship to function and I am enjoying being alone. I may never enter a relationship again after all that's happened.
I don't hate her for any of this, and I will never speak ill of her, in fact, part of me still loves her and I know if in the future she were to ask us to start again from the beginning, I'll probably do it in a heartbeat simply because how many things she's been a part of in my life. The past happened and no matter what I refuse to be that person. I know that there was a combination of misdeeds on both of our sides that caused this. I'm not devastated that the marriage ended - it was inevitable at this point. what hurts me so much is I want to remain friends with her - something that we never successfully did in our entire 14 years knowing each other, and when I ask her if we can remain friends her response has always been "idk". The other thing that hurts is that she refuses to believe I'm capable of changing because I refused to do so in the past. I just want her to be happy and I want a chance to prove I can be a friend. I know the romantic relationship we once had is dead at this point, I just want us to both be happy and still be in each other's life. I never want to be the person I was for 10 grueling years. I hold no animosity towards her and if she finds love again, I genuinely couldn't be happier for her.
Sorry for the super long rant, I just didn't know how to process this beyond therapy, but that can only go so far. Thanks for reading
TL;DR: Two people's actions lead to divorce with neither being the sole cause, but I wish I could remain friends with her afterwards.
submitted by Plastic-Code-5342 to Divorce [link] [comments]