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2023.06.04 15:17 IneverGiveUp01 Facing the Beast: My Journey with Rational Recovery and Porn Addiction
Hello everyone,
Imagine being trapped in a destructive cycle for eight long years, knowing you need to escape but feeling utterly powerless to do so. That was my reality. I'm a 26-year-old man who, from the tender age of 12, found himself caught in the relentless grip of pornography and masturbation addiction.
By 18, I was painfully aware of the damage it was causing and desperate to break free. I tried everything – NoFap, meditation, sports, cold showers, even punishing myself, but to no avail. It felt like my addiction was an unshakeable opponent. But then, something changed. I discovered a strategy that changed my life. If you're struggling, I want to share this with you...
Caught in the grip of this addiction, I would spend an average of seven hours per day, even peaking at thirteen hours sometimes. The toll of this habit was heavy, affecting my personal, professional, and social life severely. Yet everything changed when I discovered Jack Trimpey's Rational Recovery method.
While his book provided me with crucial insights, it was his comprehensive AVRT Demonstration, where Trimpey guided an alcohol addict towards permanent abstinence, that truly filled the missing pieces in my fight against addiction. The Rational Recovery method fundamentally shifted my perspective towards addiction, helping me to recognize and silence the voice of my brain (the Beast) pushing me to consume. Today, I want to share my experience, hoping it could be an effective solution for many of you. You can access the entire demonstration at the end in the 'Useful Resources' section.
Understanding Addiction and Navigating this Guide
Let's talk about what addiction really is. Addiction isn't about the behavior itself, but rather the desire to escape pain and seek a better life. It is marked by ambivalence, a feeling of being torn between two minds. Overcoming addiction involves breaking free from the grip of pleasure and reclaiming control over oneself.
Before I delve into how I applied the Rational Recovery method and the results I got, I want to pose a simple but powerful question: If I placed a big red button in front of you that, when pressed, would instantly eradicate your addiction, would you press it?
If your answer is 'yes', then you have all the reasons you need to quit. I've been where you are now, writing pages upon pages of reasons to stop, yet relapsing despite knowing how harmful it was. It's important to recognize when a pattern becomes harmful, it's time to stop.
As you explore this guide, remember the importance of keeping an open mind. Let's borrow some wisdom from Mark Twain, who once said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” It's a nod to the importance of being receptive to new ideas and methods. This guide may offer a different approach, but embracing it might bring about the change you're seeking.
AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) is a transformative strategy that I've found invaluable in my journey to overcoming addiction. This technique helps you recognize and differentiate yourself from the 'addictive voice', the part of your primitive brain structure that fuels your addiction.
Think of AVRT as your personal defense mechanism that works under any circumstance, regardless of your emotional state – be it sadness, anger,boredom, loneliness, or stress. The aim here isn't to suppress these emotions, but rather to stay in control of your actions, no matter what you're feeling.
The 'addictive voice' – which we'll call the 'beast' – is a sneaky internal saboteur. It's the part of you that wants to continue with the harmful habit, despite you consciously knowing it's not beneficial. AVRT is about learning to separate this beast from your own true will, thus empowering you to reclaim your life.
The power of AVRT lies in this distinction between you and the beast. Once you master this technique, you'll learn to reject the rationalizations and temptations that originate from the beast. The dissociation from the beast is what makes it possible to make a firm, irrevocable commitment to quit your addiction. By not identifying with the beast, you can prevent yourself from suffering commonly associated with resisting addiction.
In essence, AVRT isn't about fighting or resisting; it's about recognizing, dissociating, and reclaiming control of your life.
The "beast" is a term coined by the Rational Recovery method to denote the part of your brain pushing you towards your addiction. We call it the Beast because, like a wild, uncontrollable animal, it cares about nothing but fulfilling its need. It is a cunning inner voice, whispering that you need to engage in porn and masturbation to feel satisfied, relieved, or happy. This voice, often referred to as the Addictive Voice (AV), can be quite deceptive. It might paint you a picture of an enticing scene, produce alluring sounds, offer a moment of relief, or even present a false promise of control—"Just be more careful next time."
This beast manipulates you with excuses, deceptive emotions, and outright lies to make you succumb to your addiction. But let's make one thing clear: the beast is not your friend. It's your worst enemy. It's a parasitic entity that has latched onto your life, thriving on your addictive behavior. Like every living thing, it fears its end, and that end comes when you stop feeding the addiction. It has no regard for your well-being, your relationships, your life goals, or your health. Only its survival matters.
As you read through this guide, it's crucial to remain aware of the Beast's interference. Remember, the Beast manifests as a voice in your head or as an emotion, pushing you towards addictive thoughts and actions. You might experience feelings of resistance, discomfort, anger, fear, anxiety, or even a cringe reaction. These are the Beast's attempts to disrupt your progress.
While the Beast can attempt to manipulate your thoughts and emotions, it does not and cannot control your actions. It's your survival instincts that the Beast taps into, but your ability to make decisions, to govern your actions, thoughts, and emotions is uniquely yours.
The Beast may present itself in thoughts like, "This is too difficult to understand," "This won't work for me," or "I'm an exception to this method." Understand that these thoughts are not your own, but the Beast's desperate attempts to maintain control.
In its relentless quest for satisfaction, the beast views everything, including you, as expendable. It's the embodiment of your addiction, caring for nothing but its next fix. It's deaf to reason, blind to consequences, and immune to remorse.
If this description resonates with you, don't panic. You're not 'sick.' It's merely an error of association made by your body - an error in the script, so to speak. It mistakenly believes that this addictive behavior is as vital for your survival as breathing or eating.
Take these moments of resistance as signs that you are on the right track. You're threatening the Beast's existence, and it's trying to fight back. Recognize these voices for what they are, continue moving forward, and know that each step brings you closer to reaffirming your control and freedom from addiction.
[How to Proceed]
Let me share an effective exercise, adapted from the Rational Recovery book, that could help you end your porn and masturbation addiction right now.
Start by observing your thoughts and feelings about watching porn or masturbating, both positive and negative. The thoughts and feelings that encourage continued use represent your Addictive Voice (AV), while those advocating for abstinence represent the real you.
When you learn to identify and understand your AV, it becomes an easily defeated foe causing you to indulge. All it craves is pleasure. The main tactic of the Beast is to seize control of the pronoun 'I'. It will try to convince you by saying things like "I want to watch porn" or "I need pornography ".
However, you can effectively counter this strategy. By simply adding a 't' and shifting the 'I' to 'It', you can remind yourself that these thoughts are not truly yours, but are the Beast's manipulations. So the sentences become, "It wants to watch porn" or "It needs pornography ".
By changing "I" to "It", you dissociate from the discomfort or distress. Yes, it's that simple, placing it squarely on the Beast instead of yourself. It's crucial to recognize that these feelings are the Beast's attempts to coerce you back into addiction.
Now, tell yourself, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again", and listen for any negative reactions – this is your AV responding. Conversely, if you think, "I will consume porn or masturbate whenever I please," any pleasant feelings that arise are also your AV asserting control.
This recognition technique dispels short-term desire, making abstinence effortless. Complete separation of 'you' from 'it' results in complete recovery and hope for a better life.
Picture the AVRT technique as a form of gardening. The Addictive Voice is the weed trying to overtake your garden and sapping nutrients from the other plants. Recognizing the weed for what it is and uprooting it preserves your garden's health. Similarly, identifying and acting against your Addictive Voice safeguards a healthy and fulfilling life free from addiction.
Shifting is another powerful technique to help you dissociate from the beast of addiction. The idea is to alternate between viewing your addiction from the perspective of the beast and your own.
When viewing addiction through the Beast's eyes, you visualize what it craves the most about the addictive behavior and imagine the associated pleasure for a few minutes. It will express sentiments like "I want this now!" or "Please give it to me!", and you may start to feel the beast getting excited, happy, or impatient.
Then, shift to your perspective and reflect on the pain and negative impact the addiction has on you and those around you. Allow yourself feelings of disgust. Let your own feelings now take over, and you will find that your Beast withdraws and you feel either neutral or put off. This back-and-forth process allows you to dissociate from the Beast.
Think of Shifting as toggling between two TV channels: one projects a seductive yet distorted image of addiction, while the other reveals the harsh reality of its damage.
The idea of the Big Plan in Rational Recovery is to make a personal commitment to lifelong abstinence from addiction. This commitment, for me, took the form of the decisive statement, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again". It involves pinpointing a day and an hour for your turning point. For me, that was a Sunday at 12am. This moment represents a clear and definitive end to your addictive behavior and the start of a new chapter in your life. You can decide to commit either immediately after going through this post or by specifying your day and hour. It's entirely your choice, and we'll discuss this in more depth later.
The Beast, despite its intimidating name, is in fact harmless. It may try to coerce, manipulate, and instill fear, but it is important to remember that it is powerless without your consent. It cannot force you to return to the addictive behavior; only you can make that decision. In fact, you are the main authority, the one in charge, and it's the Beast that fears you.
The Beast is aware of your power and control, and it's terrified of it. It knows that you can shatter its illusions in a snap, without any difficulty. You're the one who makes the call, not the Beast, and it fears your unyielding decision to quit the addiction forever.
Its tactics may often involve fear. It's like the Beast is pointing a gun at you, but the truth is, its gun is empty. It's just a bluff, an illusion. You know it, and the Beast knows it too. It's simply trying to maintain its influence by resorting to fear tactics, but you can see through its lies.
"Don't trust yourself in tempting situations...you're not strong enough yet." – The Beast's voice:
The Beast tries to maintain control by suggesting certain places, events, or people will trigger a relapse. You might hear it whisper, "You can't go to that event, you might relapse," or "Avoid that location, it's too risky." This is simply the Beast's tactic to keep a hold on you, aiming to make you believe you're not completely in control.
By simply recognizing it for what it is - a tactic of the Beast to undermine your confidence - you can dismiss these fear tactics and reaffirm your control.
The Beast within you is a cunning entity, ever ready to exploit your moments of doubt and vulnerability. It whispers falsehoods, instilling fear and shaking your confidence. But don't be swayed, for you have always held the reins. The Beast may inhabit a corner of your mind, but it lacks the power to control your actions.
Not convinced? Try this: Extend your finger in front of your eyes and move it, then ask the Beast to do the same. The Beast can't because it doesn't hold sway over your physical actions.
The truth is, you've never truly "failed" in your endeavor against addiction. You've always had the choice, and sometimes you've elected to surrender to the Beast's desires. But that doesn't equate to losing control. It merely shows you gave in, momentarily, to the Beast's whisperings.
Recovery from addiction isn't about becoming a superhero or uncovering the universe's hidden secrets. It's about realizing that we don't have control over every aspect of life. However, we do have control over our actions, our reactions, and how we choose to face life's unpredictable events.
Do you choose the path of self-discovery and freedom from addiction? Or do you prefer to remain confined by the restrictions that addiction imposes? Be cautious: the Beast may distort your perspective, asking, "Where are the benefits?" or suggesting, "You haven't gained anything," and even instigating impatience by incessantly asking, "How long until I see the benefits?"
But don't fall prey to these distortions. Escaping addiction isn't about immediate gain or fixing all your life's problems. Recovery isn't a magic solution; it's a step towards personal empowerment. It's about gaining freedom and unlocking your potential, not just as a person in recovery, but as an individual capable of resilience and authenticity.
Concentrate on the liberation that breaking free from addiction brings. Let's choose this path towards a life where addiction no longer controls us, allowing us to genuinely live and experience life to its fullest.
Engaging in this addiction is solely for pleasure and nothing more. Every other justification is a fabrication of the Beast. It's designed to make you believe that giving in to your addiction is the only route to happiness or relief when you're feeling depressed, bored, lonely, stressed, or miserable.
Speaking from personal experience, I used to think that I turned to pornography and masturbation because I was lonely, stressed, or had a rough day. I thought that because I spent my entire day working alone on a computer, my environment or lifestyle was to blame for my addiction. These were excuses, a way to avoid taking responsibility for my actions, guided by the Beast's narrative.
The key to recognizing the Beast is noticing that the conversation always bends towards indulgence in your addiction.
Imagine you're having a tough day, and you begin to feel down. Instead of recognizing this as a passing mood, the Beast seizes this opportunity. It will amplify your negative emotions by saying things like, "You're always unhappy, aren't you? You know what would make you feel better... just one quick session won't hurt." Or, "You're so lonely, this is unbearable. Just indulge, it's your only comfort." These harsh whispers are the Beast's attempts to deepen your feeling of depression and nudge you towards the addictive behavior. Depression doesn't create addiction; addiction does.
The Beast's goal? To make you feel so low that resorting to your addiction seems like the only way out. Conversely, when you're content and joyful, the Beast will persuade you to give in, arguing it will amplify your satisfaction. Just think about it. If you're living what you perceive as a perfect life, the Beast will still argue you could feel even better with pornography and masturbation. It's a never-ending, destructive cycle.
Desire, in its essence, is not a negative emotion; it's a natural human condition. It propels us toward achievement, drives creativity, and gives meaning to our experiences. It also plays a crucial role in our relationships and our sexuality. The key in overcoming addiction is not to extinguish desire altogether, but to discern between healthy desires and those manipulated by the Beast.
Imagine your desires as a beautiful, roaring river. It's full of life, movement, and potential. This river represents your natural, healthy desires - things like connecting with others, pursuing your hobbies, personal growth, and even your sexual desires. These are your desires, part of who you are.
Then, there's the Beast's desire - a poisonous stream trying to merge into your river, attempting to hijack your natural flow. This stream carries the pull of addiction, steering you away from your authentic path, manipulating your thoughts, and distorting your perceptions.
Recognize this poisonous stream and refuse to let it merge with your river. This is not about damming the entire river or stifling your desires, but about rejecting the poisonous stream that the Beast introduces. It's about retaining your authentic desires and letting them guide you.
Identify that any thought associated with the desire to indulge in the addiction is coming from the Beast. By doing so, you begin to differentiate between what you truly want and what the Beast wants. This understanding will empower you, helping you keep your river clean, vibrant, and true to its course.
In the whirlwind of addiction, it can be easy to confuse the Beast's desires with our own. I, too, was lost in this confusion. I believed I was drawn to endless layers of perversion, thinking that I was attracted to the limitless exploration of perversion. But deep down, this wasn't me, it was the Beast's influence, its relentless push for more and more. Upon reflection, I realized my true desire was much simpler and profoundly more meaningful: to love and be loved. To have a wife, to raise children together, to share in the mundane and the magical moments of life. That's my authentic desire, not the empty promises of temporary pleasure the Beast kept pushing. This profound clarity is a stark contrast to the Beast's corruption, a beacon that can guide you back to your true self.
The goal is not to eliminate desire, but to reclaim it, to keep it authentic and personal. Desire is a part of your humanity; it's the Beast's manipulation of it that leads to addiction.
The Beast might sometimes whisper, "It's okay to relapse. You'll do better next time." This is a shrewd strategy designed to maintain its hold on you by normalizing relapse as a part of the recovery journey. It uses these tactics to sow seeds of doubt in your mind, aiming to eventually lead you to relapse. Rational Recovery, however, views this differently: the key is making a definitive decision—your Big Plan—to abstain from the addictive behavior and sticking to it under any circumstances.
Human beings are perfectly capable of achieving perfection in certain aspects of life. Consider the professional athlete who plays a perfect game or the musician who delivers a flawless performance. They do so by making a firm commitment to their goal and adhering to it diligently, without allowing any room for mistakes.
Similarly, your recovery journey can be perfect too. Once you make your Big Plan to abstain from addictive behavior, you can stick to it perfectly, without any relapses. This is the ideal that Rational Recovery promotes—not "try, fail, and try again," but "decide and stick to your decision perfectly."
Your Beast wants you to believe that perfection is unachievable, as this gives it room to persuade you to relapse. But don't let it fool you. You have the power to make a perfect decision and stick to it.
Instead of pondering over this, consider a different question: 'For whom is it too painful or difficult?' Any discomfort or difficulty associated with ceasing the addiction stems from the Beast, not you. Observing the Beast's distress is a positive sign - it shows you're successfully dissociating from it.
Remember that humans can only fully experience one feeling at a time. When you start feeling discomfort from abstaining, it's crucial to recognize that this isn't your discomfort. It's the Beast that suffering. The Beast is protesting because it's not getting what it wants. This suffering isn't negative for you; in fact, it's a positive sign. It means you're successfully asserting control over your decisions, as the Beast's discomfort indicates that it's losing its influence over you.
Most importantly, remember: you are safe. You risk nothing by quitting this addiction. Every feeling of discomfort or fear is from the Beast, not you. Your well-being and safety are never in jeopardy by choosing to stop. By rejecting the Beast's influence and asserting your control, you reclaim your freedom from addiction.
While predicting your future actions may be impossible, you can certainly define what you would never do. Consider the activities that you find disturbing, unhealthy, and reprehensible - those that you would never engage in.
Now, add porn and masturbation addiction to that list. As you do this, pay attention to your Beast. It might try to concoct far-fetched scenarios that seem to justify succumbing to the addiction. Recognize these for what they are: desperate attempts by the Beast to manipulate your thoughts. By doing so, you can effectively disregard its interference and remain true to your values.
Relapse anxiety is a common pitfall many encounter on their NoFap journey. You may be confidently progressing, then suddenly a thought creeps in: "What if I relapse tomorrow?" This thought triggers anxiety, shaking your belief in your commitment.
From the Rational Recovery standpoint, relapse anxiety is the Beast's deceptive voice trying to manipulate you. It incites fear and uncertainty, making you feel as if relapse is imminent. The Beast attempts to shake your confidence and sense of control. But here's the truth: relapse anxiety is an illusion, a tactic used by the Beast to tighten its grip.
Combat this by distancing yourself from the Beast and recognizing that relapse anxiety is a deceptive tactic used by the Beast to instill fear and weaken your resolve. Remember, you risk nothing by quitting this addiction; you are safe. Any discomfort you experience stems from the Beast, not you.
Reiterate your Big Plan: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." By affirming your decision and distancing yourself from the Beast's influence, you can dispel the anxiety and stay firmly on your path. Remember, you are in control, and you will always stay in control, the fears conjured by the Beast hold no sway over you.
The Beast's intrusion into your dreams should not be a source of fear. This isn't a situation that requires extensive concern, this is just a sign of the Beast's distress.
There are generally two types of dreams where the Beast tries to assert its influence. The first type are explicit sex dreams, designed to reignite the desires and cravings associated with your addiction. The second type are dreams where you see yourself relapsing, which can be distressing and seem all too real.
When your neocortex (the real you) goes to sleep, the Beast sees an opportunity to attack and tries to regain influence over you through these dreams. This is evidence that you are on the right track. Your progress towards your goal of freedom from addiction is causing this panicked response from the Beast.
Remember, no matter what happens in your dreams, you are in control in reality. These dreams are just dreams, and they do not have the power to make you do anything.
Experiencing discomfort or an aching in the testicles, often referred to as 'blue balls,' is something that some individuals might encounter during their decision to quit their porn and masturbation addiction. Similarly, you may also experience nocturnal emissions or 'wet dreams' during your journey to recovery.
These phenomena aren't signs of harm, danger, or relapse, but rather physical manifestations of your body adjusting to your firm decision to quit the addiction.
While your body is adapting to a new, healthier state, not reliant on constant sexual stimulation, the Beast might attempt to distort these occurrences into negative experiences. It might tell you that nocturnal emissions are relapses, causing unwarranted fear and anxiety. But remember, you're in control.
Consider these sensations and events as physical signs of your transformation, a testament to the changes happening within you. It's important to remember that not everyone experiences this, and even if you do, it's not something to be overly concerned about. These adjustments are something you are more than capable of handling. As your body adjusts to your new lifestyle, such events will likely decrease and eventually stop. Don't let the Beast use these natural bodily responses as a scare tactic.
In your journey of breaking free from addiction, you might be tempted to adopt a "gradual reduction" approach - cutting back little by little rather than quitting outright. This strategy, while seemingly logical, is often a ploy from the Beast, setting you up for failure.
During my own journey, for many months, I was enticed by the concept of gradually reducing my addictive behaviors. The approach felt less abrupt, seemingly offering a smoother transition. Even the Beast within me suggested compromises such as, "Let's start by indulging only in the afternoon," or "How about we limit it to weekends?".However, I discovered through experience that this gradual reduction strategy often creates more problems than it resolves. Let me tell you why.
Firstly, by not making a clean break, you're continually feeding the addiction, keeping the Beast alive and active. It's akin to trying to put out a fire while still pouring small amounts of gasoline on it - it keeps the flames going, never fully extinguishing the fire.
Secondly, when you set specific times or days for indulging, you're not freeing your mind from the addiction; instead, you're refocusing it. You find yourself constantly counting down the hours or days until your next 'allowed' session. This fixation lead to a persistent preoccupation with the addiction, turning the process into something torturous and counterproductive.
Lastly, even on the days where you've decided not to indulge, the Beast is still at work. It doesn't take breaks. It try to convince you to deviate from your plan, asserting things like, "You're going to do it in a couple of days anyway, so why not just do it today? Why wait?" This becomes a recurring battle with the Beast, undermining your resolve.
The gradual reduction method keeps the addiction in focus, maintains the Beast's influence, and undermines your resolve. It's far more effective to make a clean break and assert your decision to quit outright. Remember, you're not losing anything by quitting - you're freeing yourself from the Beast's control.
Why should you spend energy on counting days for an activity you've resolved never to engage in? The Beast excels at setting goals and then weaponizing them against us.
Here's how the Beast use day counting against you:
Making a big deal of milestones: The Beast lead you to focus excessively on reaching a certain number of days, weeks, or months. While milestones can be motivational, the Beast use them to create unnecessary stress and pressure, saying things like "What if you don't make it?" or "Imagine how bad it would feel to start over."
Justifying a lapse: "You've made it 100 days, you deserve a reward!" or "One slip after so many days won't hurt." The Beast use the number of days as an excuse to suggest that it would be "safe" or "earned" to indulge in the addictive behavior.
Creating a false sense of security: The Beast suggest that after a certain number of days without indulging in the addiction, you're "cured" and could safely return to the behavior without becoming addicted again.
Undermining early progress: In the initial stages, the Beast belittle the small number of days you've been free from the addiction, making statements like "You've only managed two days, you'll never make it a week."
Leveraging bad days: If you're having a tough day, the Beast say, "You're miserable even after 30 days clean. See, quitting doesn't make things better. Might as well go back."
Remember, these are all tricks of the Beast trying to manipulate you into returning to the addictive behavior. The Beast will use anything, including the count of days, to try to get what it wants. The best way to deal with this is to remain steadfast in your decision and continue dissociating from the Beast.
So, instead of getting trapped in the Beast's game of counting days, surrender this act to it. We can concentrate on the broader scope - liberating ourselves from the Beast's clutches, embracing enduring change, and regaining our freedom. Day counting becomes insignificant because it no longer illustrates our path. Our chosen journey is one where the Beast's urges hold no power, and our authentic liberation takes the limelight. Let the Beast obsess over counting days, while we commit to a life of emancipation and self-discovery.
Self-punishment is a common response to addiction, yet it often proves ineffective. This can take many forms, from physical discomfort to emotional torment. In my own battle against addiction, I tried various self-punishment strategies. On the physical side, I would resort to self-harm. Emotionally, I burdened myself with negative self-talk, depression, feelings of hopelessness, anger, sadness, and even thoughts of death. It's important to note, however, that these intense feelings of guilt and self-condemnation were amplified by the Beast. The Beast utilizes such negative emotions to paint addiction as the only respite, the only 'good thing' left in life. It is a manipulative trick to keep you chained to the addiction.
Yet, over time, these painful memories have faded, while the seductive pull of the addictive behavior has remained vivid in my mind. It's a compelling illustration of the human condition: we often forget pain and remember pleasure.
Consider individuals who struggle with drug addiction. They might end up in a hospital after an overdose, experiencing immense physical pain. But as time passes, the memory of this pain dissipates, while the allure of the drug, the pleasure it brought, remains clear and tempting. This imbalance often leads them back into the cycle of addiction.
This became evident to me during the last week leading up to my final decision to quit - my Big Plan. It was the most challenging week of my life; I was counting the days until my liberation. Now that I'm free, when I think back to that week, the Beast tries to rewrite the narrative, calling it the "best week of all time!"
This disparity between the memory of pain and pleasure underscores why self-punishment is an ineffective strategy for long-term addiction recovery. Rational Recovery offers a different approach. Rather than relying on the fleeting memory of pain, it focuses on recognizing and dissociating from the addictive voice—the Beast.
Let's clarify something: arguing with the Beast is futile. The Beast is single-minded, craving only the satisfaction of its addiction. Moreover, it's cunning, capable of playing both sides of an argument.
For instance, the Beast might implant thoughts such as, "You could indulge now, it's not a big deal." Then, to create confusion and feign agreement, it might echo that very idea, saying, "Yes, I could indulge now." It's essential to recognize that both these sentiments are from the Beast. It is a clear demonstration of how it can promote the idea of indulgence while also pretending to be 'you' to create an illusion of consent.
In the Rational Recovery technique, every thought or feeling associated with the indulgence in the addiction is identified as coming from the Beast, including its attempts to take possession of the pronoun "I".
You are the decision-maker here, you are in control. Your will is what truly matters, and the Beast must inevitably conform to your decisions.
Feeling urges, cravings, or hunger sensations is a natural part of the recovery journey. In fact, it's a positive sign, an indication that you are making progress. However, these feelings can turn into white-knuckling when you identify with the Beast's thoughts and feelings. When you start saying things like "I'm so horny" or "I need a relief ASAP," you're identifying with the beast voice. When you find yourself arguing with the Beast or doubting your decision to quit, you're in the grip of white-knuckling.
In my own journey to recovery, I experienced these urges, cravings, and sensations. But rather than identifying with them and turning them into a struggle, I recognized them as signs of the Beast's distress, not mine. It was the Beast who was desperate and frustrated, not me. This recognition made these moments not just bearable but even satisfying, as they signaled that I was on the right track in my recovery.
The power of these urges and cravings diminished with my Big Plan, my absolute decision to never indulge in the addictive behavior again. Even if you find yourself in a white-knuckling situation, remember that you can shift your perspective. Recognize that every thought encouraging the addictive behavior is coming from the Beast, and use the Recognition or Shifting techniques to help you dissociate from these thoughts and feelings. After that, reaffirm your Big Plan, stating firmly and clearly, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This firm commitment to your Big Plan will dispel all doubt, releasing you from the grip of white-knuckling.
Taking a firm decision is a critical step in overcoming addiction, and this is what making a Big Plan entails. This plan is a complete commitment, devoid of room for negotiation or compromise. When you formulate a Big Plan, you're making a promise to yourself to never indulge in your addiction again, under any circumstances.
Choosing a specific day for your Big Plan can help add a sense of occasion and finality to your decision. For instance, I personally chose a Sunday at 12am. Your Beast will likely agree to this arrangement, looking forward to a "last hurrah."
But as you approach your chosen day to initiate your Big Plan, the Beast may start getting anxious. It may whisper, "I can't let this go!" or "Let's postpone the Big Plan, and enjoy this for now!" This is not your voice. It's the voice of the Beast, trying to make you delay your decision and panicking at the impending loss of its control.
Your declaration for the Big Plan could be: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This phrase embodies the essence of the Big Plan — a firm, unyielding decision that signifies your commitment to stay addiction-free.
In your journey to overcome addiction, the video I am about to share will be invaluable. It features Jack Trimpey, the founder of Rational Recovery, directly guiding you through the process of making a Big Plan. Although Trimpey focuses on alcohol and drug addiction in the video, his guidance applies to any addiction, including pornography and masturbation. Carefully absorb his words, understanding their relevance to your personal struggle.
watch this video, skip to 33:39 for the Big Plan section: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n2YH8RLd_4&list=PLazOJVze5_z3BdcDSF3uPtN8Vu9VDqVJl&index=3where
AVRT Demonstration (AVRT Live Vol 1-5) : https://www.youtube.com/@DeborahSpringborn/videos
submitted by IneverGiveUp01 to Healthygamergg [link] [comments]
Imagine being trapped in a destructive cycle for eight long years, knowing you need to escape but feeling utterly powerless to do so. That was my reality. I'm a 26-year-old man who, from the tender age of 12, found himself caught in the relentless grip of pornography and masturbation addiction.
By 18, I was painfully aware of the damage it was causing and desperate to break free. I tried everything – NoFap, meditation, sports, cold showers, even punishing myself, but to no avail. It felt like my addiction was an unshakeable opponent. But then, something changed. I discovered a strategy that changed my life. If you're struggling, I want to share this with you...
Caught in the grip of this addiction, I would spend an average of seven hours per day, even peaking at thirteen hours sometimes. The toll of this habit was heavy, affecting my personal, professional, and social life severely. Yet everything changed when I discovered Jack Trimpey's Rational Recovery method.
While his book provided me with crucial insights, it was his comprehensive AVRT Demonstration, where Trimpey guided an alcohol addict towards permanent abstinence, that truly filled the missing pieces in my fight against addiction. The Rational Recovery method fundamentally shifted my perspective towards addiction, helping me to recognize and silence the voice of my brain (the Beast) pushing me to consume. Today, I want to share my experience, hoping it could be an effective solution for many of you. You can access the entire demonstration at the end in the 'Useful Resources' section.
Understanding Addiction and Navigating this Guide
Let's talk about what addiction really is. Addiction isn't about the behavior itself, but rather the desire to escape pain and seek a better life. It is marked by ambivalence, a feeling of being torn between two minds. Overcoming addiction involves breaking free from the grip of pleasure and reclaiming control over oneself.
Before I delve into how I applied the Rational Recovery method and the results I got, I want to pose a simple but powerful question: If I placed a big red button in front of you that, when pressed, would instantly eradicate your addiction, would you press it?
If your answer is 'yes', then you have all the reasons you need to quit. I've been where you are now, writing pages upon pages of reasons to stop, yet relapsing despite knowing how harmful it was. It's important to recognize when a pattern becomes harmful, it's time to stop.
As you explore this guide, remember the importance of keeping an open mind. Let's borrow some wisdom from Mark Twain, who once said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” It's a nod to the importance of being receptive to new ideas and methods. This guide may offer a different approach, but embracing it might bring about the change you're seeking.
What is AVRT?
AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) is a transformative strategy that I've found invaluable in my journey to overcoming addiction. This technique helps you recognize and differentiate yourself from the 'addictive voice', the part of your primitive brain structure that fuels your addiction.
Think of AVRT as your personal defense mechanism that works under any circumstance, regardless of your emotional state – be it sadness, anger,boredom, loneliness, or stress. The aim here isn't to suppress these emotions, but rather to stay in control of your actions, no matter what you're feeling.
The 'addictive voice' – which we'll call the 'beast' – is a sneaky internal saboteur. It's the part of you that wants to continue with the harmful habit, despite you consciously knowing it's not beneficial. AVRT is about learning to separate this beast from your own true will, thus empowering you to reclaim your life.
The power of AVRT lies in this distinction between you and the beast. Once you master this technique, you'll learn to reject the rationalizations and temptations that originate from the beast. The dissociation from the beast is what makes it possible to make a firm, irrevocable commitment to quit your addiction. By not identifying with the beast, you can prevent yourself from suffering commonly associated with resisting addiction.
In essence, AVRT isn't about fighting or resisting; it's about recognizing, dissociating, and reclaiming control of your life.
What is the "beast"?
The "beast" is a term coined by the Rational Recovery method to denote the part of your brain pushing you towards your addiction. We call it the Beast because, like a wild, uncontrollable animal, it cares about nothing but fulfilling its need. It is a cunning inner voice, whispering that you need to engage in porn and masturbation to feel satisfied, relieved, or happy. This voice, often referred to as the Addictive Voice (AV), can be quite deceptive. It might paint you a picture of an enticing scene, produce alluring sounds, offer a moment of relief, or even present a false promise of control—"Just be more careful next time."
This beast manipulates you with excuses, deceptive emotions, and outright lies to make you succumb to your addiction. But let's make one thing clear: the beast is not your friend. It's your worst enemy. It's a parasitic entity that has latched onto your life, thriving on your addictive behavior. Like every living thing, it fears its end, and that end comes when you stop feeding the addiction. It has no regard for your well-being, your relationships, your life goals, or your health. Only its survival matters.
As you read through this guide, it's crucial to remain aware of the Beast's interference. Remember, the Beast manifests as a voice in your head or as an emotion, pushing you towards addictive thoughts and actions. You might experience feelings of resistance, discomfort, anger, fear, anxiety, or even a cringe reaction. These are the Beast's attempts to disrupt your progress.
While the Beast can attempt to manipulate your thoughts and emotions, it does not and cannot control your actions. It's your survival instincts that the Beast taps into, but your ability to make decisions, to govern your actions, thoughts, and emotions is uniquely yours.
The Beast may present itself in thoughts like, "This is too difficult to understand," "This won't work for me," or "I'm an exception to this method." Understand that these thoughts are not your own, but the Beast's desperate attempts to maintain control.
In its relentless quest for satisfaction, the beast views everything, including you, as expendable. It's the embodiment of your addiction, caring for nothing but its next fix. It's deaf to reason, blind to consequences, and immune to remorse.
If this description resonates with you, don't panic. You're not 'sick.' It's merely an error of association made by your body - an error in the script, so to speak. It mistakenly believes that this addictive behavior is as vital for your survival as breathing or eating.
Take these moments of resistance as signs that you are on the right track. You're threatening the Beast's existence, and it's trying to fight back. Recognize these voices for what they are, continue moving forward, and know that each step brings you closer to reaffirming your control and freedom from addiction.
[How to Proceed]
Recognition Technique
Let me share an effective exercise, adapted from the Rational Recovery book, that could help you end your porn and masturbation addiction right now.
Start by observing your thoughts and feelings about watching porn or masturbating, both positive and negative. The thoughts and feelings that encourage continued use represent your Addictive Voice (AV), while those advocating for abstinence represent the real you.
When you learn to identify and understand your AV, it becomes an easily defeated foe causing you to indulge. All it craves is pleasure. The main tactic of the Beast is to seize control of the pronoun 'I'. It will try to convince you by saying things like "I want to watch porn" or "I need pornography ".
However, you can effectively counter this strategy. By simply adding a 't' and shifting the 'I' to 'It', you can remind yourself that these thoughts are not truly yours, but are the Beast's manipulations. So the sentences become, "It wants to watch porn" or "It needs pornography ".
By changing "I" to "It", you dissociate from the discomfort or distress. Yes, it's that simple, placing it squarely on the Beast instead of yourself. It's crucial to recognize that these feelings are the Beast's attempts to coerce you back into addiction.
Now, tell yourself, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again", and listen for any negative reactions – this is your AV responding. Conversely, if you think, "I will consume porn or masturbate whenever I please," any pleasant feelings that arise are also your AV asserting control.
This recognition technique dispels short-term desire, making abstinence effortless. Complete separation of 'you' from 'it' results in complete recovery and hope for a better life.
Picture the AVRT technique as a form of gardening. The Addictive Voice is the weed trying to overtake your garden and sapping nutrients from the other plants. Recognizing the weed for what it is and uprooting it preserves your garden's health. Similarly, identifying and acting against your Addictive Voice safeguards a healthy and fulfilling life free from addiction.
Shifting Technique
Shifting is another powerful technique to help you dissociate from the beast of addiction. The idea is to alternate between viewing your addiction from the perspective of the beast and your own.
When viewing addiction through the Beast's eyes, you visualize what it craves the most about the addictive behavior and imagine the associated pleasure for a few minutes. It will express sentiments like "I want this now!" or "Please give it to me!", and you may start to feel the beast getting excited, happy, or impatient.
Then, shift to your perspective and reflect on the pain and negative impact the addiction has on you and those around you. Allow yourself feelings of disgust. Let your own feelings now take over, and you will find that your Beast withdraws and you feel either neutral or put off. This back-and-forth process allows you to dissociate from the Beast.
Think of Shifting as toggling between two TV channels: one projects a seductive yet distorted image of addiction, while the other reveals the harsh reality of its damage.
Introducing the "Big Plan"
The idea of the Big Plan in Rational Recovery is to make a personal commitment to lifelong abstinence from addiction. This commitment, for me, took the form of the decisive statement, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again". It involves pinpointing a day and an hour for your turning point. For me, that was a Sunday at 12am. This moment represents a clear and definitive end to your addictive behavior and the start of a new chapter in your life. You can decide to commit either immediately after going through this post or by specifying your day and hour. It's entirely your choice, and we'll discuss this in more depth later.
Your Power Over the Beast
The Beast, despite its intimidating name, is in fact harmless. It may try to coerce, manipulate, and instill fear, but it is important to remember that it is powerless without your consent. It cannot force you to return to the addictive behavior; only you can make that decision. In fact, you are the main authority, the one in charge, and it's the Beast that fears you.
The Beast is aware of your power and control, and it's terrified of it. It knows that you can shatter its illusions in a snap, without any difficulty. You're the one who makes the call, not the Beast, and it fears your unyielding decision to quit the addiction forever.
Its tactics may often involve fear. It's like the Beast is pointing a gun at you, but the truth is, its gun is empty. It's just a bluff, an illusion. You know it, and the Beast knows it too. It's simply trying to maintain its influence by resorting to fear tactics, but you can see through its lies.
"Don't trust yourself in tempting situations...you're not strong enough yet." – The Beast's voice:
The Beast tries to maintain control by suggesting certain places, events, or people will trigger a relapse. You might hear it whisper, "You can't go to that event, you might relapse," or "Avoid that location, it's too risky." This is simply the Beast's tactic to keep a hold on you, aiming to make you believe you're not completely in control.
By simply recognizing it for what it is - a tactic of the Beast to undermine your confidence - you can dismiss these fear tactics and reaffirm your control.
What if I Lose Control?
The Beast within you is a cunning entity, ever ready to exploit your moments of doubt and vulnerability. It whispers falsehoods, instilling fear and shaking your confidence. But don't be swayed, for you have always held the reins. The Beast may inhabit a corner of your mind, but it lacks the power to control your actions.
Not convinced? Try this: Extend your finger in front of your eyes and move it, then ask the Beast to do the same. The Beast can't because it doesn't hold sway over your physical actions.
The truth is, you've never truly "failed" in your endeavor against addiction. You've always had the choice, and sometimes you've elected to surrender to the Beast's desires. But that doesn't equate to losing control. It merely shows you gave in, momentarily, to the Beast's whisperings.
Expectations
Recovery from addiction isn't about becoming a superhero or uncovering the universe's hidden secrets. It's about realizing that we don't have control over every aspect of life. However, we do have control over our actions, our reactions, and how we choose to face life's unpredictable events.
Do you choose the path of self-discovery and freedom from addiction? Or do you prefer to remain confined by the restrictions that addiction imposes? Be cautious: the Beast may distort your perspective, asking, "Where are the benefits?" or suggesting, "You haven't gained anything," and even instigating impatience by incessantly asking, "How long until I see the benefits?"
But don't fall prey to these distortions. Escaping addiction isn't about immediate gain or fixing all your life's problems. Recovery isn't a magic solution; it's a step towards personal empowerment. It's about gaining freedom and unlocking your potential, not just as a person in recovery, but as an individual capable of resilience and authenticity.
Concentrate on the liberation that breaking free from addiction brings. Let's choose this path towards a life where addiction no longer controls us, allowing us to genuinely live and experience life to its fullest.
Understanding the Real Reason You're Engaging in This
Engaging in this addiction is solely for pleasure and nothing more. Every other justification is a fabrication of the Beast. It's designed to make you believe that giving in to your addiction is the only route to happiness or relief when you're feeling depressed, bored, lonely, stressed, or miserable.
Speaking from personal experience, I used to think that I turned to pornography and masturbation because I was lonely, stressed, or had a rough day. I thought that because I spent my entire day working alone on a computer, my environment or lifestyle was to blame for my addiction. These were excuses, a way to avoid taking responsibility for my actions, guided by the Beast's narrative.
The key to recognizing the Beast is noticing that the conversation always bends towards indulgence in your addiction.
Imagine you're having a tough day, and you begin to feel down. Instead of recognizing this as a passing mood, the Beast seizes this opportunity. It will amplify your negative emotions by saying things like, "You're always unhappy, aren't you? You know what would make you feel better... just one quick session won't hurt." Or, "You're so lonely, this is unbearable. Just indulge, it's your only comfort." These harsh whispers are the Beast's attempts to deepen your feeling of depression and nudge you towards the addictive behavior. Depression doesn't create addiction; addiction does.
The Beast's goal? To make you feel so low that resorting to your addiction seems like the only way out. Conversely, when you're content and joyful, the Beast will persuade you to give in, arguing it will amplify your satisfaction. Just think about it. If you're living what you perceive as a perfect life, the Beast will still argue you could feel even better with pornography and masturbation. It's a never-ending, destructive cycle.
Understanding and Separating Desire
Desire, in its essence, is not a negative emotion; it's a natural human condition. It propels us toward achievement, drives creativity, and gives meaning to our experiences. It also plays a crucial role in our relationships and our sexuality. The key in overcoming addiction is not to extinguish desire altogether, but to discern between healthy desires and those manipulated by the Beast.
Imagine your desires as a beautiful, roaring river. It's full of life, movement, and potential. This river represents your natural, healthy desires - things like connecting with others, pursuing your hobbies, personal growth, and even your sexual desires. These are your desires, part of who you are.
Then, there's the Beast's desire - a poisonous stream trying to merge into your river, attempting to hijack your natural flow. This stream carries the pull of addiction, steering you away from your authentic path, manipulating your thoughts, and distorting your perceptions.
Recognize this poisonous stream and refuse to let it merge with your river. This is not about damming the entire river or stifling your desires, but about rejecting the poisonous stream that the Beast introduces. It's about retaining your authentic desires and letting them guide you.
Identify that any thought associated with the desire to indulge in the addiction is coming from the Beast. By doing so, you begin to differentiate between what you truly want and what the Beast wants. This understanding will empower you, helping you keep your river clean, vibrant, and true to its course.
In the whirlwind of addiction, it can be easy to confuse the Beast's desires with our own. I, too, was lost in this confusion. I believed I was drawn to endless layers of perversion, thinking that I was attracted to the limitless exploration of perversion. But deep down, this wasn't me, it was the Beast's influence, its relentless push for more and more. Upon reflection, I realized my true desire was much simpler and profoundly more meaningful: to love and be loved. To have a wife, to raise children together, to share in the mundane and the magical moments of life. That's my authentic desire, not the empty promises of temporary pleasure the Beast kept pushing. This profound clarity is a stark contrast to the Beast's corruption, a beacon that can guide you back to your true self.
The goal is not to eliminate desire, but to reclaim it, to keep it authentic and personal. Desire is a part of your humanity; it's the Beast's manipulation of it that leads to addiction.
The Myth of Relapse and the Power of Perfection.
The Beast might sometimes whisper, "It's okay to relapse. You'll do better next time." This is a shrewd strategy designed to maintain its hold on you by normalizing relapse as a part of the recovery journey. It uses these tactics to sow seeds of doubt in your mind, aiming to eventually lead you to relapse. Rational Recovery, however, views this differently: the key is making a definitive decision—your Big Plan—to abstain from the addictive behavior and sticking to it under any circumstances.
Human beings are perfectly capable of achieving perfection in certain aspects of life. Consider the professional athlete who plays a perfect game or the musician who delivers a flawless performance. They do so by making a firm commitment to their goal and adhering to it diligently, without allowing any room for mistakes.
Similarly, your recovery journey can be perfect too. Once you make your Big Plan to abstain from addictive behavior, you can stick to it perfectly, without any relapses. This is the ideal that Rational Recovery promotes—not "try, fail, and try again," but "decide and stick to your decision perfectly."
Your Beast wants you to believe that perfection is unachievable, as this gives it room to persuade you to relapse. But don't let it fool you. You have the power to make a perfect decision and stick to it.
What if it's too Difficult or Painful?
Instead of pondering over this, consider a different question: 'For whom is it too painful or difficult?' Any discomfort or difficulty associated with ceasing the addiction stems from the Beast, not you. Observing the Beast's distress is a positive sign - it shows you're successfully dissociating from it.
Remember that humans can only fully experience one feeling at a time. When you start feeling discomfort from abstaining, it's crucial to recognize that this isn't your discomfort. It's the Beast that suffering. The Beast is protesting because it's not getting what it wants. This suffering isn't negative for you; in fact, it's a positive sign. It means you're successfully asserting control over your decisions, as the Beast's discomfort indicates that it's losing its influence over you.
Most importantly, remember: you are safe. You risk nothing by quitting this addiction. Every feeling of discomfort or fear is from the Beast, not you. Your well-being and safety are never in jeopardy by choosing to stop. By rejecting the Beast's influence and asserting your control, you reclaim your freedom from addiction.
How would I know what I will do in the future?
While predicting your future actions may be impossible, you can certainly define what you would never do. Consider the activities that you find disturbing, unhealthy, and reprehensible - those that you would never engage in.
Now, add porn and masturbation addiction to that list. As you do this, pay attention to your Beast. It might try to concoct far-fetched scenarios that seem to justify succumbing to the addiction. Recognize these for what they are: desperate attempts by the Beast to manipulate your thoughts. By doing so, you can effectively disregard its interference and remain true to your values.
I'm scared to relapse, what should I do?
Relapse anxiety is a common pitfall many encounter on their NoFap journey. You may be confidently progressing, then suddenly a thought creeps in: "What if I relapse tomorrow?" This thought triggers anxiety, shaking your belief in your commitment.
From the Rational Recovery standpoint, relapse anxiety is the Beast's deceptive voice trying to manipulate you. It incites fear and uncertainty, making you feel as if relapse is imminent. The Beast attempts to shake your confidence and sense of control. But here's the truth: relapse anxiety is an illusion, a tactic used by the Beast to tighten its grip.
Combat this by distancing yourself from the Beast and recognizing that relapse anxiety is a deceptive tactic used by the Beast to instill fear and weaken your resolve. Remember, you risk nothing by quitting this addiction; you are safe. Any discomfort you experience stems from the Beast, not you.
Reiterate your Big Plan: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." By affirming your decision and distancing yourself from the Beast's influence, you can dispel the anxiety and stay firmly on your path. Remember, you are in control, and you will always stay in control, the fears conjured by the Beast hold no sway over you.
The Beast's Attack on the Dreamscape
The Beast's intrusion into your dreams should not be a source of fear. This isn't a situation that requires extensive concern, this is just a sign of the Beast's distress.
There are generally two types of dreams where the Beast tries to assert its influence. The first type are explicit sex dreams, designed to reignite the desires and cravings associated with your addiction. The second type are dreams where you see yourself relapsing, which can be distressing and seem all too real.
When your neocortex (the real you) goes to sleep, the Beast sees an opportunity to attack and tries to regain influence over you through these dreams. This is evidence that you are on the right track. Your progress towards your goal of freedom from addiction is causing this panicked response from the Beast.
Remember, no matter what happens in your dreams, you are in control in reality. These dreams are just dreams, and they do not have the power to make you do anything.
Understanding 'Blue Balls' and Nocturnal Emissions in Recovery
Experiencing discomfort or an aching in the testicles, often referred to as 'blue balls,' is something that some individuals might encounter during their decision to quit their porn and masturbation addiction. Similarly, you may also experience nocturnal emissions or 'wet dreams' during your journey to recovery.
These phenomena aren't signs of harm, danger, or relapse, but rather physical manifestations of your body adjusting to your firm decision to quit the addiction.
While your body is adapting to a new, healthier state, not reliant on constant sexual stimulation, the Beast might attempt to distort these occurrences into negative experiences. It might tell you that nocturnal emissions are relapses, causing unwarranted fear and anxiety. But remember, you're in control.
Consider these sensations and events as physical signs of your transformation, a testament to the changes happening within you. It's important to remember that not everyone experiences this, and even if you do, it's not something to be overly concerned about. These adjustments are something you are more than capable of handling. As your body adjusts to your new lifestyle, such events will likely decrease and eventually stop. Don't let the Beast use these natural bodily responses as a scare tactic.
Gradual Reduction: A Beast's Strategy
In your journey of breaking free from addiction, you might be tempted to adopt a "gradual reduction" approach - cutting back little by little rather than quitting outright. This strategy, while seemingly logical, is often a ploy from the Beast, setting you up for failure.
During my own journey, for many months, I was enticed by the concept of gradually reducing my addictive behaviors. The approach felt less abrupt, seemingly offering a smoother transition. Even the Beast within me suggested compromises such as, "Let's start by indulging only in the afternoon," or "How about we limit it to weekends?".However, I discovered through experience that this gradual reduction strategy often creates more problems than it resolves. Let me tell you why.
Firstly, by not making a clean break, you're continually feeding the addiction, keeping the Beast alive and active. It's akin to trying to put out a fire while still pouring small amounts of gasoline on it - it keeps the flames going, never fully extinguishing the fire.
Secondly, when you set specific times or days for indulging, you're not freeing your mind from the addiction; instead, you're refocusing it. You find yourself constantly counting down the hours or days until your next 'allowed' session. This fixation lead to a persistent preoccupation with the addiction, turning the process into something torturous and counterproductive.
Lastly, even on the days where you've decided not to indulge, the Beast is still at work. It doesn't take breaks. It try to convince you to deviate from your plan, asserting things like, "You're going to do it in a couple of days anyway, so why not just do it today? Why wait?" This becomes a recurring battle with the Beast, undermining your resolve.
The gradual reduction method keeps the addiction in focus, maintains the Beast's influence, and undermines your resolve. It's far more effective to make a clean break and assert your decision to quit outright. Remember, you're not losing anything by quitting - you're freeing yourself from the Beast's control.
Counting Days
Why should you spend energy on counting days for an activity you've resolved never to engage in? The Beast excels at setting goals and then weaponizing them against us.
Here's how the Beast use day counting against you:
Making a big deal of milestones: The Beast lead you to focus excessively on reaching a certain number of days, weeks, or months. While milestones can be motivational, the Beast use them to create unnecessary stress and pressure, saying things like "What if you don't make it?" or "Imagine how bad it would feel to start over."
Justifying a lapse: "You've made it 100 days, you deserve a reward!" or "One slip after so many days won't hurt." The Beast use the number of days as an excuse to suggest that it would be "safe" or "earned" to indulge in the addictive behavior.
Creating a false sense of security: The Beast suggest that after a certain number of days without indulging in the addiction, you're "cured" and could safely return to the behavior without becoming addicted again.
Undermining early progress: In the initial stages, the Beast belittle the small number of days you've been free from the addiction, making statements like "You've only managed two days, you'll never make it a week."
Leveraging bad days: If you're having a tough day, the Beast say, "You're miserable even after 30 days clean. See, quitting doesn't make things better. Might as well go back."
Remember, these are all tricks of the Beast trying to manipulate you into returning to the addictive behavior. The Beast will use anything, including the count of days, to try to get what it wants. The best way to deal with this is to remain steadfast in your decision and continue dissociating from the Beast.
So, instead of getting trapped in the Beast's game of counting days, surrender this act to it. We can concentrate on the broader scope - liberating ourselves from the Beast's clutches, embracing enduring change, and regaining our freedom. Day counting becomes insignificant because it no longer illustrates our path. Our chosen journey is one where the Beast's urges hold no power, and our authentic liberation takes the limelight. Let the Beast obsess over counting days, while we commit to a life of emancipation and self-discovery.
Why Punishment Doesn't Work
Self-punishment is a common response to addiction, yet it often proves ineffective. This can take many forms, from physical discomfort to emotional torment. In my own battle against addiction, I tried various self-punishment strategies. On the physical side, I would resort to self-harm. Emotionally, I burdened myself with negative self-talk, depression, feelings of hopelessness, anger, sadness, and even thoughts of death. It's important to note, however, that these intense feelings of guilt and self-condemnation were amplified by the Beast. The Beast utilizes such negative emotions to paint addiction as the only respite, the only 'good thing' left in life. It is a manipulative trick to keep you chained to the addiction.
Yet, over time, these painful memories have faded, while the seductive pull of the addictive behavior has remained vivid in my mind. It's a compelling illustration of the human condition: we often forget pain and remember pleasure.
Consider individuals who struggle with drug addiction. They might end up in a hospital after an overdose, experiencing immense physical pain. But as time passes, the memory of this pain dissipates, while the allure of the drug, the pleasure it brought, remains clear and tempting. This imbalance often leads them back into the cycle of addiction.
This became evident to me during the last week leading up to my final decision to quit - my Big Plan. It was the most challenging week of my life; I was counting the days until my liberation. Now that I'm free, when I think back to that week, the Beast tries to rewrite the narrative, calling it the "best week of all time!"
This disparity between the memory of pain and pleasure underscores why self-punishment is an ineffective strategy for long-term addiction recovery. Rational Recovery offers a different approach. Rather than relying on the fleeting memory of pain, it focuses on recognizing and dissociating from the addictive voice—the Beast.
Arguing with the beast
Let's clarify something: arguing with the Beast is futile. The Beast is single-minded, craving only the satisfaction of its addiction. Moreover, it's cunning, capable of playing both sides of an argument.
For instance, the Beast might implant thoughts such as, "You could indulge now, it's not a big deal." Then, to create confusion and feign agreement, it might echo that very idea, saying, "Yes, I could indulge now." It's essential to recognize that both these sentiments are from the Beast. It is a clear demonstration of how it can promote the idea of indulgence while also pretending to be 'you' to create an illusion of consent.
In the Rational Recovery technique, every thought or feeling associated with the indulgence in the addiction is identified as coming from the Beast, including its attempts to take possession of the pronoun "I".
You are the decision-maker here, you are in control. Your will is what truly matters, and the Beast must inevitably conform to your decisions.
Dealing with White-Knuckling and Intense Urges
Feeling urges, cravings, or hunger sensations is a natural part of the recovery journey. In fact, it's a positive sign, an indication that you are making progress. However, these feelings can turn into white-knuckling when you identify with the Beast's thoughts and feelings. When you start saying things like "I'm so horny" or "I need a relief ASAP," you're identifying with the beast voice. When you find yourself arguing with the Beast or doubting your decision to quit, you're in the grip of white-knuckling.
In my own journey to recovery, I experienced these urges, cravings, and sensations. But rather than identifying with them and turning them into a struggle, I recognized them as signs of the Beast's distress, not mine. It was the Beast who was desperate and frustrated, not me. This recognition made these moments not just bearable but even satisfying, as they signaled that I was on the right track in my recovery.
The power of these urges and cravings diminished with my Big Plan, my absolute decision to never indulge in the addictive behavior again. Even if you find yourself in a white-knuckling situation, remember that you can shift your perspective. Recognize that every thought encouraging the addictive behavior is coming from the Beast, and use the Recognition or Shifting techniques to help you dissociate from these thoughts and feelings. After that, reaffirm your Big Plan, stating firmly and clearly, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This firm commitment to your Big Plan will dispel all doubt, releasing you from the grip of white-knuckling.
The Big Plan: Your Commitment to Freedom
Taking a firm decision is a critical step in overcoming addiction, and this is what making a Big Plan entails. This plan is a complete commitment, devoid of room for negotiation or compromise. When you formulate a Big Plan, you're making a promise to yourself to never indulge in your addiction again, under any circumstances.
Choosing a specific day for your Big Plan can help add a sense of occasion and finality to your decision. For instance, I personally chose a Sunday at 12am. Your Beast will likely agree to this arrangement, looking forward to a "last hurrah."
But as you approach your chosen day to initiate your Big Plan, the Beast may start getting anxious. It may whisper, "I can't let this go!" or "Let's postpone the Big Plan, and enjoy this for now!" This is not your voice. It's the voice of the Beast, trying to make you delay your decision and panicking at the impending loss of its control.
Your declaration for the Big Plan could be: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This phrase embodies the essence of the Big Plan — a firm, unyielding decision that signifies your commitment to stay addiction-free.
In your journey to overcome addiction, the video I am about to share will be invaluable. It features Jack Trimpey, the founder of Rational Recovery, directly guiding you through the process of making a Big Plan. Although Trimpey focuses on alcohol and drug addiction in the video, his guidance applies to any addiction, including pornography and masturbation. Carefully absorb his words, understanding their relevance to your personal struggle.
watch this video, skip to 33:39 for the Big Plan section: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n2YH8RLd_4&list=PLazOJVze5_z3BdcDSF3uPtN8Vu9VDqVJl&index=3where
Conclusion
I've spent a month compiling my experiences and sharing the tools that aided me on my journey. You are free to ask questions while I'm around, but please note that I'm not a regular Reddit user and won't be able to answer indefinitely. For those interested in Rational Recovery, all the information you need is in the "Useful Resources" section. If you found this post helpful, please consider upvoting or sharing it with friends who might benefit from it. Always remember to dissociate from the Beast and stand firm in your Big Plan. Holding unwavering trust in your decision is the key to defeating the Beast. May you embrace your journey to freedom and experience the liberation you've been longing for. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.Useful Resources
Rational Recovery Book : https://www.amazon.fRational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=rational+recovery&sr=8-1AVRT Demonstration (AVRT Live Vol 1-5) : https://www.youtube.com/@DeborahSpringborn/videos
2023.06.04 15:16 Gbreeder Madness place after sweeping one guy.
I went to sleep and investigated the place some more.
Places inside of the guy helped clear them out.
Anyways, if this would supposedly be "Sheogorath". The planes and things in him would've been his territory. The name Legolas pops up, too.
Researching the place showed that they send schizophrenics and others there and have a database for them.
Plus, people bring things that cause madness.
Eventually, people are told that if they agree to things, they'll be given things that make them immune to the madness. But, they don't actually do anything, and it's a way to mess with people's minds so that they think they're thinking properly.
Makes them into little soldiers.
After doing all of that, I heard a voice that said something about giving back their Jabberwockies.
I googled "Jabberwocky". It led me to this passage:
"In an early scene in which she first encounters the chess piece characters White King and White Queen, Alice finds a book written in a seemingly unintelligible language. Realising that she is travelling through an inverted world, she recognises that the verses on the pages are written in mirror-writing. She holds a mirror to one of the poems and reads the reflected verse of "Jabberwocky". She finds the nonsense verse as puzzling as the odd land she has passed into, later revealed as a dreamscape."
Which, the Sheogorath page does mention Jabberwocky or whatever, so it's possible what his "plane" and things were based on.
I also noticed that Jabberwocky appears to refer to Mi-Go. The illustration matches.
Mi-Go are fungus / meat / insect beings.
According to the literature, they take humans' brains and use them as food.
"The Mi-go can transport humans from Earth to Yuggoth (and beyond) and back again by removing the subject's brain and placing it into a "brain cylinder", which can be attached to external devices to allow it to see, hear, and speak."
On a wiki, it's mentioned that they fly through "ether" but it's noted to be an old concept that was disproven.
I decided to think astral-wise. If so, that all may tie in, together.
And I did find things that looked like brain capsules.
The astral group I'm with is sorting through those and doing whatever.
I found one that seems to have matched someone's energy, and my higher self picked up a pencil thing that was there and poked the brain a bit after its case was open. I'm not gonna run tests on that stuff though.
If this were real in some way, I'd say most everyone on Earth has their brain there.
Which. If that's the case, would I tell people or just try and put them back and act like nothing was ever wrong.
I also can't ask people if they felt someone sticking foreign objects into their brain. I have no idea why my higher self even did that.
I felt like I had to jot this all down when I woke up and search up Mi-Go and whatnot right after seeing the Jabberwocky image.
submitted by Gbreeder to NezvelenRealm [link] [comments]
Places inside of the guy helped clear them out.
Anyways, if this would supposedly be "Sheogorath". The planes and things in him would've been his territory. The name Legolas pops up, too.
Researching the place showed that they send schizophrenics and others there and have a database for them.
Plus, people bring things that cause madness.
Eventually, people are told that if they agree to things, they'll be given things that make them immune to the madness. But, they don't actually do anything, and it's a way to mess with people's minds so that they think they're thinking properly.
Makes them into little soldiers.
After doing all of that, I heard a voice that said something about giving back their Jabberwockies.
I googled "Jabberwocky". It led me to this passage:
"In an early scene in which she first encounters the chess piece characters White King and White Queen, Alice finds a book written in a seemingly unintelligible language. Realising that she is travelling through an inverted world, she recognises that the verses on the pages are written in mirror-writing. She holds a mirror to one of the poems and reads the reflected verse of "Jabberwocky". She finds the nonsense verse as puzzling as the odd land she has passed into, later revealed as a dreamscape."
Which, the Sheogorath page does mention Jabberwocky or whatever, so it's possible what his "plane" and things were based on.
I also noticed that Jabberwocky appears to refer to Mi-Go. The illustration matches.
Mi-Go are fungus / meat / insect beings.
According to the literature, they take humans' brains and use them as food.
"The Mi-go can transport humans from Earth to Yuggoth (and beyond) and back again by removing the subject's brain and placing it into a "brain cylinder", which can be attached to external devices to allow it to see, hear, and speak."
On a wiki, it's mentioned that they fly through "ether" but it's noted to be an old concept that was disproven.
I decided to think astral-wise. If so, that all may tie in, together.
And I did find things that looked like brain capsules.
The astral group I'm with is sorting through those and doing whatever.
I found one that seems to have matched someone's energy, and my higher self picked up a pencil thing that was there and poked the brain a bit after its case was open. I'm not gonna run tests on that stuff though.
If this were real in some way, I'd say most everyone on Earth has their brain there.
Which. If that's the case, would I tell people or just try and put them back and act like nothing was ever wrong.
I also can't ask people if they felt someone sticking foreign objects into their brain. I have no idea why my higher self even did that.
I felt like I had to jot this all down when I woke up and search up Mi-Go and whatnot right after seeing the Jabberwocky image.
2023.06.04 15:14 No-Blackberry-8844 Trouble shifting into 2nd on 6-speed F430
I recently bought an F430 with an original manual transmission. Shifting from 1st to 2nd was never smooth and was often impossible-- sometimes it was as if the stick shift hit a brick wall. To get into second I would need to center the stick and then try again (although I could keep the clutch depressed the whole time-- I didn't need to double clutch or anything like that). And there was never a problem downshifting to 2nd gear or shifting between any other two gears-- only going from 1st to 2nd.
Then last night I think I discovered that I never get blocked shifting from 1st to 2nd if I'm very careful to push the clutch every last centimeter by pointing my toe (so the base of my foot doesn't contact the floor before the clutch is fully depressed) and pushing very hard with my left leg even after it feels like the clutch pedal is all the way down.
Does that sound at all plausible? The problem tends to be streaky, coming and going for long periods, so it might be a coincidence that this seemed to fix it. After all, why would such a clutch only be a problem shifting from 1st to 2nd?
If it is correct, then it should be easy to adjust the clutch so that it disengages a bit sooner. It seems implausible, but are these cars meant to have a clutch like I describe, perhaps so the clutch engages very quickly on the pedal's way up?
Thanks for any answers from folks more experienced/knowledgeable than myself!
submitted by No-Blackberry-8844 to Ferrari [link] [comments]
Then last night I think I discovered that I never get blocked shifting from 1st to 2nd if I'm very careful to push the clutch every last centimeter by pointing my toe (so the base of my foot doesn't contact the floor before the clutch is fully depressed) and pushing very hard with my left leg even after it feels like the clutch pedal is all the way down.
Does that sound at all plausible? The problem tends to be streaky, coming and going for long periods, so it might be a coincidence that this seemed to fix it. After all, why would such a clutch only be a problem shifting from 1st to 2nd?
If it is correct, then it should be easy to adjust the clutch so that it disengages a bit sooner. It seems implausible, but are these cars meant to have a clutch like I describe, perhaps so the clutch engages very quickly on the pedal's way up?
Thanks for any answers from folks more experienced/knowledgeable than myself!
2023.06.04 15:14 Turbulent-Jaguar-696 Isotretinoin once again
Hi! Wanted to ask about your isotretinoin treatment and share my story at the same time.
I am 31 now, got acne since I was 15.
I tried many prescription medicine ( antibiotics, ointments). Ofcourse I tried to change diet, look for any food intolerance.
First time I was on isotretinoin treatment in 2015, for few months (completely don't remember how much mg/kg I took). Afterwards it was great - completely no skin problems. In late 2017 I gave birth to my first child and the story beginned all over. Whole face and back full of acne. In 2019 I started isotretinoin treatment again but needed to stop because of depression ( I knew I had it, but unfortunately acne pills made it worse). After that I tried microneedle mesotherapy, but it didn't work. In late 2022 I decided to take a chance with another dermathologist. She runned some tests and once again - another doctor told me that isotretinoin is the only way.
So since october I am on treatment again. Seen two dermathologists and they have two different approaches. First - wants ma to take 120mg per kg of my body weight and than take 20mg pill every week for a few months. Second - wants me to takie 150mg per kg and thats it.
What do you think about that approaches? Anyone was in similar situatuon?
I am truly tired. I feel like I tried everything. It is getting really sunny right now so it is even harder to stick with this treatment. I already ate about 110mg/kg and not sure what plan should. Thats why I wanted to ask for your experience.
Is there anyone that got out of acne problem for a really long time, after isotretinoin?
TIA
submitted by Turbulent-Jaguar-696 to acne [link] [comments]
I am 31 now, got acne since I was 15.
I tried many prescription medicine ( antibiotics, ointments). Ofcourse I tried to change diet, look for any food intolerance.
First time I was on isotretinoin treatment in 2015, for few months (completely don't remember how much mg/kg I took). Afterwards it was great - completely no skin problems. In late 2017 I gave birth to my first child and the story beginned all over. Whole face and back full of acne. In 2019 I started isotretinoin treatment again but needed to stop because of depression ( I knew I had it, but unfortunately acne pills made it worse). After that I tried microneedle mesotherapy, but it didn't work. In late 2022 I decided to take a chance with another dermathologist. She runned some tests and once again - another doctor told me that isotretinoin is the only way.
So since october I am on treatment again. Seen two dermathologists and they have two different approaches. First - wants ma to take 120mg per kg of my body weight and than take 20mg pill every week for a few months. Second - wants me to takie 150mg per kg and thats it.
What do you think about that approaches? Anyone was in similar situatuon?
I am truly tired. I feel like I tried everything. It is getting really sunny right now so it is even harder to stick with this treatment. I already ate about 110mg/kg and not sure what plan should. Thats why I wanted to ask for your experience.
Is there anyone that got out of acne problem for a really long time, after isotretinoin?
TIA
2023.06.04 15:12 Ok_Acanthocephala15 This content creator does a good job breaking down ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᵒᶠ Blueface’s manipulation tactics ᵃˢ ʰᵉ ᵗʳᶦᵉˢ to trick Jaidyn into watching Chrisean’s baby for him
 | Video here, I pretty much included anything relevant though submitted by Ok_Acanthocephala15 to Chrisean__Rock [link] [comments] Right before the exchange within these clips started, he had said the baby definitely isn’t his and that Chrisean is lying 🤡 Yes, I also spend 20+ minutes trying to convince people to watch a baby that definitely isn’t mine, solely motivated by my love of hypothetical scenarios. Makes sense.😃 I believe he knows the baby is his but is bidding his time until that reality is no longer deniable. He seems to be hoping to use the time between now and Lil Rock being born to keep Jaidyn suspended in an unaware state of bliss fueled by the false hope that they’ll get to be a happy family of just four some day. No third child to act as a physical reminder of Rock and his relationship, or to keep them connected to her in any way. I think he’s hoping that by the time she realizes that the false fantasy he’s feeding her will never come true, that she’ll be attached enough to him again that she will be willing to stick around and play step mom. That’s partially why he looks so annoyed when she’s non-compliant to his wishes, and wants an immediate answer. If this plan of his fails, he will have wasted a lot of time and energy on this performance of love and attention. After the segment of the Live that these clips were taken from, he says that he will marry her IF she’s willing to have the 3 babies with him 💀 I honestly have no words at the evil behind his actions. He is dangling the promise of his “ultimate validation” (marriage) in front of her, if only she will fall on the sword for him and face the dire consequences of his actions, in his stead. He’s shameless in the way he sees people as objects to use at his convenience, in true narcissistic fashion. This man is trying to exchange love crumbs with her in exchange for (not only having been a surrogate, and “agreeing to” never move on to another man, but for) providing permanent childcare. This is the moment he’s been waiting to cash in on, I guess. All those years of dedicated brainwashing might pay off for him. I highly doubt Chrisean will fail as spectacularly as he clearly hopes she will (to reaffirm all the lies he tells himself about her lack of value/his inherent superiority over her). But even if he just has visits I’m pretty sure he’ll try to drop the kids off at Jaidyn’s (the way he does with his current children and his mother) if he can succeed at breaking her down into providing this embarrassing (and valuable) service for him (for $0.00). If he does succeed, it wouldn’t surprise me if he continues coercing her into watching any of his future other baby mamas children. More footage of this Live here and here. I’m honestly just so sad she doesn’t realize he’s only using her and that this current love-bombing stage is (as always) just a means to be able to continue doing that. She’s so gaslit she can’t even realize that he’s being completely disingenuous during this conversation and is still actually taking his words at face value. |
2023.06.04 15:12 Glacial_Shield_W Rhyme Scheme
Author's Note: This was not originally the second poem I intended to post here, but one of the poems I commented on recently, discussing complexity for complexity's sake, and challenging yourself rather than going basic, made me want to share. I agree it can be hard to swallow people prefering simplicity. However, complexity also needn't be rewarded. Sometimes, you just need to challenge yourself for your own confidence and growty, not for approval. Complexity and enjoyability as a read are not directly correlated. However, if possible, please, enjoy.
Rhyme Scheme
Sometimes I don't know where I'm going when I begin to ramble, Sometimes I just feel like I'm tired of being caught up in the scramble.
I just want to put my thoughts on a page, And not have to worry about having to act my age.
I want to scream, I want to be obscene.
I don't want to be judged, Or to be coaxed and nudged.
I'm so tired of people opining that you can't have an opinion, It makes me want to open the inkwell and stick my pen in.
And overflow the page with my thoughts, To show how it feels to constantly have your mond tied in knots.
To have your heart and brain betray your hand, To crack another sarcastic joke that fails to land.
I don't need to feel like a saint, But somedays I want to drench this world in artistic paint.
Make it black or make it red, Sometimes I just need to detox and get this shit out of my head.
Clean out the clogged up attic, And fire a shot at some prick who pissed me off, while I'm at it.
It isn't right, it isn't wrong, But ya, if you want to fight, I'll write you into a song.
I am able to get physical, But I would rather kepe it on a page and continue to be quizzical.
Like, how can I say what I need, In a way that will still get people to read?
What if I bend a word here, Or combine some words there, would anyone even care?
What if I get complex? Am I really in a rut if what I utter is a common hex?
Or should I say, what if I swear when I flex? Is it fair if my words cause some people to become jibbering wrecks?
What if I self censor? But then, eventually I snap, and everything gets tenser?
And no, that isn't a word, Let it go, if you really want to rhyme, you have to let language get blurred.
Not everything sounds right phonically, So, you gotta mash the words together like they aren't just together platonically.
Screw them around, Brew them into a sound.
Give them a shake, Take out a line break.
Cut the sentence in two, Changing the tense will do.
It's better to just let the emotion flow, You don't gotta follow the letter, the motion will grow.
By the way, that was a triple rhyme, Because sometimes I just get tired of saying the dribble that comes to me on a dime.
And it is almost funny how many people will miss it, They miss the honey and only hear the whining from the steeple of the misfit.
And you are damn right that I can offend, If I let people tell me what not to say, their rant would continue into the night and never end.
Because if it isn't the progressives I upset, it will be the conservatives. Either get verbally aggressive, or live my life like I gotta serve to live.
I just need something to make me feel alive, Why fall to lust or greed when I can come sting a fake by being the real deal, while catching my strive.
Because they won't take a moment to notice that you just rhymed almost every word, They have no trust that I will take the time to go absurd.
They just see that the end of each sentence echoes the last, Then they remind me without a compliment or pretense that my spelling was off, like I even asked.
And don't get me wrong, I can take criticism, I'm just more worried about the song and the lyricism.
I'm a fan of the game, And once I learn how to not just be a stan, it will never be the same.
I'm not crashing out for any pipe dream, Hashing it out until it's ripe is my scheme.
Because I'm not learning for the money or the fame, I'm just yearning to to be funny, while staying sane.
I'm just a tired jerk, launching a firework in the sky, And I'm so wired that it doesn't feel like work, and it helps me not to cry.
It will burn bright in the night, Then fade before the early light.
There will be flair and contradiction, Generally I don't care whether or not you think it is fact or fiction.
Hopefully someone will enjoy the read, Rope-a-dope, like a pulley you employ to bring you what you need.
And if some people can see me through the smoke, If some people notice there is truth behind every joke.
That's fine, But I will still be smashing gnats who cross the line.
Because it is one thing to stick to being humble, But it's another to let people kick you every time that you stumble.
They don't know this is just practice, And I won't stop continuing to grow until I hack this.
And in the end, I said nothing here, it was just for fun, I was just bluffing, shaking off the rust for the fun.
Stay on my good side and there won't be a price to pay, I'm done being snide, so have a nice day.
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/1409bu4/the_worst_poem/jmux5qx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/14067ba/dark_fragments_of_the_wounded_soul/jmuxgzt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
submitted by Glacial_Shield_W to OCPoetry [link] [comments]
Rhyme Scheme
Sometimes I don't know where I'm going when I begin to ramble, Sometimes I just feel like I'm tired of being caught up in the scramble.
I just want to put my thoughts on a page, And not have to worry about having to act my age.
I want to scream, I want to be obscene.
I don't want to be judged, Or to be coaxed and nudged.
I'm so tired of people opining that you can't have an opinion, It makes me want to open the inkwell and stick my pen in.
And overflow the page with my thoughts, To show how it feels to constantly have your mond tied in knots.
To have your heart and brain betray your hand, To crack another sarcastic joke that fails to land.
I don't need to feel like a saint, But somedays I want to drench this world in artistic paint.
Make it black or make it red, Sometimes I just need to detox and get this shit out of my head.
Clean out the clogged up attic, And fire a shot at some prick who pissed me off, while I'm at it.
It isn't right, it isn't wrong, But ya, if you want to fight, I'll write you into a song.
I am able to get physical, But I would rather kepe it on a page and continue to be quizzical.
Like, how can I say what I need, In a way that will still get people to read?
What if I bend a word here, Or combine some words there, would anyone even care?
What if I get complex? Am I really in a rut if what I utter is a common hex?
Or should I say, what if I swear when I flex? Is it fair if my words cause some people to become jibbering wrecks?
What if I self censor? But then, eventually I snap, and everything gets tenser?
And no, that isn't a word, Let it go, if you really want to rhyme, you have to let language get blurred.
Not everything sounds right phonically, So, you gotta mash the words together like they aren't just together platonically.
Screw them around, Brew them into a sound.
Give them a shake, Take out a line break.
Cut the sentence in two, Changing the tense will do.
It's better to just let the emotion flow, You don't gotta follow the letter, the motion will grow.
By the way, that was a triple rhyme, Because sometimes I just get tired of saying the dribble that comes to me on a dime.
And it is almost funny how many people will miss it, They miss the honey and only hear the whining from the steeple of the misfit.
And you are damn right that I can offend, If I let people tell me what not to say, their rant would continue into the night and never end.
Because if it isn't the progressives I upset, it will be the conservatives. Either get verbally aggressive, or live my life like I gotta serve to live.
I just need something to make me feel alive, Why fall to lust or greed when I can come sting a fake by being the real deal, while catching my strive.
Because they won't take a moment to notice that you just rhymed almost every word, They have no trust that I will take the time to go absurd.
They just see that the end of each sentence echoes the last, Then they remind me without a compliment or pretense that my spelling was off, like I even asked.
And don't get me wrong, I can take criticism, I'm just more worried about the song and the lyricism.
I'm a fan of the game, And once I learn how to not just be a stan, it will never be the same.
I'm not crashing out for any pipe dream, Hashing it out until it's ripe is my scheme.
Because I'm not learning for the money or the fame, I'm just yearning to to be funny, while staying sane.
I'm just a tired jerk, launching a firework in the sky, And I'm so wired that it doesn't feel like work, and it helps me not to cry.
It will burn bright in the night, Then fade before the early light.
There will be flair and contradiction, Generally I don't care whether or not you think it is fact or fiction.
Hopefully someone will enjoy the read, Rope-a-dope, like a pulley you employ to bring you what you need.
And if some people can see me through the smoke, If some people notice there is truth behind every joke.
That's fine, But I will still be smashing gnats who cross the line.
Because it is one thing to stick to being humble, But it's another to let people kick you every time that you stumble.
They don't know this is just practice, And I won't stop continuing to grow until I hack this.
And in the end, I said nothing here, it was just for fun, I was just bluffing, shaking off the rust for the fun.
Stay on my good side and there won't be a price to pay, I'm done being snide, so have a nice day.
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/1409bu4/the_worst_poem/jmux5qx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/14067ba/dark_fragments_of_the_wounded_soul/jmuxgzt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
2023.06.04 15:11 SamuelMiloGaming Option File Loading failed error (PES 2020 PS4)
Please help, I downloaded an option file for 22/23 on my laptop and transferred it to a USB stick which I used for previous option files (21/22). I already deleted all the previous files in the WEPES folder. I also deleted my previous edited data on my game in the ps4 and I created a new edit data. Now I want to import this new option file, but every single .ted has loading failed on it.
submitted by SamuelMiloGaming to WEPES [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 15:11 MGK_2 Earning Freedom De Novo
Welcome Here Everyone. Thank you for all your responses and for all the new voices. I'll keep my eyes on CytoDyn for the comprehension of the unfolding of the plans which were made for CytoDyn which are taking place now. But while we wait and remain patient, please do like u/AlmostApproved and enjoy life . He does it by biking miles daily, but you can also eat, drink and be merry, but in the spare time, take a glance at what is happening here. You will begin to realize, that this shall happen apart from anything we can do ourselves, it will unfold regardless of what the naysayers or pumpers alike do or say. It shall happen because the Roux of the Truth Gumbo Pot ALWAYS rises to the top and it shall soon be spilling over.
All this talk of others being set up to lead the company because of Cyrus' MLOA is complete BS. They got it all backwards. Cyrus ain't going anywhere. He built this all star line up from the ground up and he built it on a shoe string budget. Assuredly, he is returning once his health permits him, and being a younger man, he should recover sooner rather than later; but who knows from what he is suffering?
Like what u/Upwithstock was saying regarding submitting the BLA for HIV-MDR in his response to u/Professional_Art3516 , in essence, CytoDyn conducted that trial. Yes, the CRO sabotaged the trial. They ruined the BLA. The data was captured, but was improperly formatted. However, CytoDyn was successful in obtaining the Raw Data and aggregating it into proper Good Clinical Practice Format for the final deciding authority to accept. CytoDyn does have the best law firm in the country on its side in an arbitrage case against the CRO Amarex for wrecking this expensive trial for CytoDyn and is requesting recompense for all the damages incurred.
Once Priority #1, is met, then, the hold lifts and the coast is clear for CytoDyn to re-initiate its other goals and many of these other goals are chomping at the bit to get under way as they are designed and ready to roll out already. One of these could/should be the resubmission of the BLA for HIV MDA as the BLA is practically written in full now, with all the submissions which have been made over the past year. In addition, we know that Leronlimab was effective in this trial obtaining a p value of 0.0032 which is 16x better than the threshold of 0.05. 0.05/0.0032 = 16. Therefore, a resubmittal of the BLA for HIV MDR should be approved if CytoDyn has the wherewithal to prove its capacity to manufacture and distribute the drug. With the partnerships happening now behind closed doors, but later unveiled to the public, proof of these necessary capacities could be made.
Certainly, though, Cyrus likely will not make this re-submission until after the arbitration has settled because it is important that nothing infringes upon this dispute taking place. This dispute though, in fact, may, in some complicated way, be infringed upon and possibly even delayed, by the case against NP and KK, but I am not sure. I believe Cyrus is aware of all these things and he will keep the BLA resubmittal in his back pocket to be unleashed at the most opportune time.
We don't know what has happened since the April 11, 2023 webcast. "So, in March 2023, just last month, we responded and submitted the additional information, and the clarifications requested for those 2 items. The FDA then responded back with a 3rd further written communication to us, again relating to the benefit / risk assessment as well as requesting submission of a new Protocol for HIV indication to be studied once the Partial Hold is lifted... ". So we can assume, that since that time, CytoDyn worked on the benefit / risk assessment and a new Protocol for HIV Indication. But why haven't we heard of any response to these submissions? What likely has happened is that more questions were posed, causing CytoDyn more work to be done to answer these questions and make further clarifications. So, CytoDyn has been doing this and hopefully has neared the point where the final deciding authority will be satisfied with all responses.
Possibly, the final deciding authority may even have been requesting the presence of a chief medical officer, but Melissa Palmer, MD was in the planning from the time when NASH was made a priority. And in accordance with what u/PharmaJunkee shares here , the authority may have been looking for a significant boost in clinical compliance and quality. Jane Conlon Werner possibly, may not have been sufficient. "12:00: We are also taking the appropriate steps to insure that we have the proper personnel in house to execute on our clinical plans. And so this includes the recent addition of Jane Conlon Werner as our new Executive Director of Quality. I think we are incredibly fortunate to have been able to recruit Jane to join us here at CytoDyn. She has extensive experience in Clinical as well as CNC Quality and compliance function review. At, both, large Biopharmaceutical companies and smaller Biotech companies like CytoDyn and I really think that Jane's experience in these areas is going to be critical to future clinical success and that work timing ??for her. This really demonstrates our commitment to insuring quality and compliance across the organization." - again, she alone may not be sufficient.
The picture I'm trying to paint here is of what is taking place with respect to what is being requested of CytoDyn and the hoops they need to jump through to meet Priority #1. Once this goal is met, the rest is over. It becomes show time. The ball begins to roll again. The game is underway. All of which we speak of here comes to pass, as it now is mounting, wanting to explode, under the heat of the sun, bursting at the seams from the pressure building within. Surely, it is mighty hot in that kitchen. God bless everyone at CytoDyn, doing what they are doing to extricate us from the cataclysm the actions of the CRO Amarex induced upon this company, its shareholders and patients and upon the reputation of this drug.
Looking down into the arena, I see that one day, which is drawing nigh, when CytoDyn shall be free again. This, I know, but until then, it continues to fight its battles on multiple fronts, not knowing from where it finds its artillery or ammunition. I remain in anticipation with CytoDyn and stick with what is happening with them, because the time is close at hand. I do not sensationalize this. Rather only deliver my view on the subject, based on the quotations I include, to express what I see to be happening and with that, you can make up your mind whether it makes sense or not. To me, it does.
submitted by MGK_2 to LeronLimab_Times [link] [comments]
All this talk of others being set up to lead the company because of Cyrus' MLOA is complete BS. They got it all backwards. Cyrus ain't going anywhere. He built this all star line up from the ground up and he built it on a shoe string budget. Assuredly, he is returning once his health permits him, and being a younger man, he should recover sooner rather than later; but who knows from what he is suffering?
Like what u/Upwithstock was saying regarding submitting the BLA for HIV-MDR in his response to u/Professional_Art3516 , in essence, CytoDyn conducted that trial. Yes, the CRO sabotaged the trial. They ruined the BLA. The data was captured, but was improperly formatted. However, CytoDyn was successful in obtaining the Raw Data and aggregating it into proper Good Clinical Practice Format for the final deciding authority to accept. CytoDyn does have the best law firm in the country on its side in an arbitrage case against the CRO Amarex for wrecking this expensive trial for CytoDyn and is requesting recompense for all the damages incurred.
Once Priority #1, is met, then, the hold lifts and the coast is clear for CytoDyn to re-initiate its other goals and many of these other goals are chomping at the bit to get under way as they are designed and ready to roll out already. One of these could/should be the resubmission of the BLA for HIV MDA as the BLA is practically written in full now, with all the submissions which have been made over the past year. In addition, we know that Leronlimab was effective in this trial obtaining a p value of 0.0032 which is 16x better than the threshold of 0.05. 0.05/0.0032 = 16. Therefore, a resubmittal of the BLA for HIV MDR should be approved if CytoDyn has the wherewithal to prove its capacity to manufacture and distribute the drug. With the partnerships happening now behind closed doors, but later unveiled to the public, proof of these necessary capacities could be made.
Certainly, though, Cyrus likely will not make this re-submission until after the arbitration has settled because it is important that nothing infringes upon this dispute taking place. This dispute though, in fact, may, in some complicated way, be infringed upon and possibly even delayed, by the case against NP and KK, but I am not sure. I believe Cyrus is aware of all these things and he will keep the BLA resubmittal in his back pocket to be unleashed at the most opportune time.
We don't know what has happened since the April 11, 2023 webcast. "So, in March 2023, just last month, we responded and submitted the additional information, and the clarifications requested for those 2 items. The FDA then responded back with a 3rd further written communication to us, again relating to the benefit / risk assessment as well as requesting submission of a new Protocol for HIV indication to be studied once the Partial Hold is lifted... ". So we can assume, that since that time, CytoDyn worked on the benefit / risk assessment and a new Protocol for HIV Indication. But why haven't we heard of any response to these submissions? What likely has happened is that more questions were posed, causing CytoDyn more work to be done to answer these questions and make further clarifications. So, CytoDyn has been doing this and hopefully has neared the point where the final deciding authority will be satisfied with all responses.
Possibly, the final deciding authority may even have been requesting the presence of a chief medical officer, but Melissa Palmer, MD was in the planning from the time when NASH was made a priority. And in accordance with what u/PharmaJunkee shares here , the authority may have been looking for a significant boost in clinical compliance and quality. Jane Conlon Werner possibly, may not have been sufficient. "12:00: We are also taking the appropriate steps to insure that we have the proper personnel in house to execute on our clinical plans. And so this includes the recent addition of Jane Conlon Werner as our new Executive Director of Quality. I think we are incredibly fortunate to have been able to recruit Jane to join us here at CytoDyn. She has extensive experience in Clinical as well as CNC Quality and compliance function review. At, both, large Biopharmaceutical companies and smaller Biotech companies like CytoDyn and I really think that Jane's experience in these areas is going to be critical to future clinical success and that work timing ??for her. This really demonstrates our commitment to insuring quality and compliance across the organization." - again, she alone may not be sufficient.
The picture I'm trying to paint here is of what is taking place with respect to what is being requested of CytoDyn and the hoops they need to jump through to meet Priority #1. Once this goal is met, the rest is over. It becomes show time. The ball begins to roll again. The game is underway. All of which we speak of here comes to pass, as it now is mounting, wanting to explode, under the heat of the sun, bursting at the seams from the pressure building within. Surely, it is mighty hot in that kitchen. God bless everyone at CytoDyn, doing what they are doing to extricate us from the cataclysm the actions of the CRO Amarex induced upon this company, its shareholders and patients and upon the reputation of this drug.
Looking down into the arena, I see that one day, which is drawing nigh, when CytoDyn shall be free again. This, I know, but until then, it continues to fight its battles on multiple fronts, not knowing from where it finds its artillery or ammunition. I remain in anticipation with CytoDyn and stick with what is happening with them, because the time is close at hand. I do not sensationalize this. Rather only deliver my view on the subject, based on the quotations I include, to express what I see to be happening and with that, you can make up your mind whether it makes sense or not. To me, it does.
2023.06.04 15:10 CarrotsNotCake GameCube JoyCons - Nyxi and Doyoky
 | https://preview.redd.it/hel8f3m9xz3b1.png?width=1634&format=png&auto=webp&s=ec301680a74bc9a5190f3b93e0fee8f5684e3b2f submitted by CarrotsNotCake to NintendoSwitch [link] [comments] Compared side by side, the differences stand out. Doyoky's terrible bump and it's oversized handle button makes it uncomfortable at times. Nyxi's janky face buttons, it's obnoxiously loud triggers, and the too-large C stick all take away more than is added by its close-to-the-shell handle button and comfortable handles. The lights don't fully turn off, instead randomly blinking even when set to off. If you want your lights off, you'll have to physically block them from the inside. Worst of all is that Nyxi controllers send random inputs, rendering them pretty much useless. Given that it's the same price as if it were first party, that's absurd. https://preview.redd.it/o3iqqa4wzz3b1.png?width=3628&format=png&auto=webp&s=a12e9821c03e6d052590c0bd202d0d695f9e95ac Doyoky's face buttons are quite close to GameCube controller's, and I thoroughly enjoy using it in console mode/handheld mode. Its triggers are great, and I love the C Stick. I'll eagerly buy any future replicas. There are only two out right now, but hopefully more will come, and ideally Nintendo will wise up and do their own with true GameCube controller pieces. https://preview.redd.it/py32phryvz3b1.png?width=3063&format=png&auto=webp&s=1db7751fbb702f3b81b672be23257b89b8fd4ed0 |
2023.06.04 15:09 tarbasd What if you mess up 240/120 volt setting?
Hi,
I'm an amateur who owns a Titanium 225 stick welder. It works well for me. It can operate on 240 volts or 120 volt: there is a switch you have to flip into the correct setting.
Most of the time I use it on 240, but occasionally I used it on 120. What if I forget to flip the switch? In either direction. I'm afraid I'll do that once and I burn up the welder.
Thanks!
submitted by tarbasd to Welding [link] [comments]
I'm an amateur who owns a Titanium 225 stick welder. It works well for me. It can operate on 240 volts or 120 volt: there is a switch you have to flip into the correct setting.
Most of the time I use it on 240, but occasionally I used it on 120. What if I forget to flip the switch? In either direction. I'm afraid I'll do that once and I burn up the welder.
Thanks!
2023.06.04 15:09 guttedmutilation Custom Pop-socket Issues
 | I bought this homemade pop socket at a craft show and no matter what I do it! Wont! Stick!!! For reference, my phone case is silicone and hasn’t had issues with on brand pop sockets. I’ve tried hot glueing it a thousand times but it just slides right off. Does anyone know a type of glue or anyway I could attach it on for good? submitted by guttedmutilation to crafts [link] [comments] |
2023.06.04 15:08 carpacciolover AITA for going home at the agreed upon time when friends hadn't finished their drinks yet?
Long story short. We went out to have some drinks. We were with 4 people by the way. Me and one friend wanted to leave at 11:30pm because we were tired. But we all agreed on having one more drink and then leaving at 12:00pm. Unfortunately it took the waiter like 20 min to bring our drinks. Leaving us 10 min before we planned on going home. Me and the friend that wanted to leave at 12 finished our drink and wanted to go home as planned. However our other two friends hadn't finished their drink yet. they were still drinking. But it was 12pm, and like we said we wanted to leave at that time. which is what we did, we left, the two of us, the other two stayed cause obviously they weren't ready yet. Somehow im not sure if going home was the right thing to do. Yeah we agreed at 12pm but since the drinks came so late there's almost no way you're gonna be ready at 12pm. So my question is. are we assholes for leaving at the agreed upon time? Should we have maybe sticked around for like 15 min so we could all leave together? What would have been the right thing to do? stay or leave?
submitted by carpacciolover to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 15:08 InterestingUser0 [Day 12] Help me build my next character one step at a time. The top comment at the end of the day wins! Next, what are our level 5 choices? (Tomorrow is the final day)
Include any justification in your choice if you want!
What should we do at level 5? If sticking with Ranger, we get extra attack and one more spell learned. Should we keep all current spells or change one for something level 2? If multiclassing, make the level 1 choices from those classes (Cleric, Druid, Fighter, Monk, Rogue).
Some details:
Tomorrow will be character name and backstory!
submitted by InterestingUser0 to 3d6 [link] [comments]
What should we do at level 5? If sticking with Ranger, we get extra attack and one more spell learned. Should we keep all current spells or change one for something level 2? If multiclassing, make the level 1 choices from those classes (Cleric, Druid, Fighter, Monk, Rogue).
Some details:
- The DM is running a homebrew 5e campaign set in his world that will be similar to Middle Earth
- Starting at level 5
- Standard Array ability scores
- Feat at level 1
- The only sourcebooks allowed are PHB, DMG, Tasha's, Xanathar's, Mordenkainen's MM, and SCAG
- Ghostwise Halfling (Hobbit)
- Ranger 4
- Squat Nimbleness Feat
- Sharpshooter Feat
- Far Traveler Background
- Proficiency: Acrobatics, Insight, Stealth, Survival, Sleight of Hands
- Expertise: Perception
- Languages: Common, Halfling, Elvish, Sylvan, Dwarvish, Gnomish
- Favored Enemy = Undead
- Fighting Style = Archery
- Ranger Archetype = Swarmkeeper (Dancing Rats)
- Spell List: (0) Mage Hand, (1) Absorb Elements, Entangle, Faerie Fire, Goodberry, Speak with Animals
- STR - 8
- DEX - 18
- CON - 14
- INT - 12
- WIS - 14
- CHA - 10
- Current HP (Average) = 44
- AC = 15
- Equipment: Shortbow (20 arrows), leather armor, 2 shortswords, explorer's pack, pan flute, dice set
Tomorrow will be character name and backstory!
2023.06.04 15:06 RigelBellatrix I'm using a galaxy a13 5g, any tips on what I can emulate?
So, I've mainly been sticking with the usual nds and n64 emulation, but I've also used psp as well. I'm curious as to what else my phone can emulate.
submitted by RigelBellatrix to EmulationOnAndroid [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 15:05 Square-Round6347 totkgpt.com = Chat-GPT for tears of the kingdom gameplay help
 | submitted by Square-Round6347 to TOTK [link] [comments] |
2023.06.04 15:05 delphinusclarinet Lowes Fire Stick Black Friday
Visit this page for Lowes Fire Stick Black Friday. The website offers a wide selection of coupons, promo codes, and discount deals that are updated regularly, just visit the website to find the perfect one for you.
submitted by delphinusclarinet to OpalineDiscount [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 15:04 BrassEdge82 Markings on griddle
 | Hi all! New to grilling on a griddle, though I did my research and all grilling on this, it was thoroughly seasoned with the Blackstone seasoning following instructions from their YouTube channel, and I’ve even done it again since a couple of times. I’ve cooked on it a few times, and it works and isn’t sticking, but the markings and colorization still makes me wonder what I did wrong. submitted by BrassEdge82 to blackstonegriddle [link] [comments] So my questions are: Should I do something to it now? And what should I do differently in the future to prevent this? Thanks! |
2023.06.04 15:04 Dog-Poker HCL hit me with strikes and took down my edited clips (the same ones I posted here). Ryan doesn't want me to make clips of him gossiping about everyone on the stream. Guess I'll just stick to posting on reddit where he has no control.
 | submitted by Dog-Poker to poker [link] [comments] |
2023.06.04 15:03 jayce_m8 ML: Hawkeye/Ronin Figure Question
 | So I notice my Hawkeye/Ronin figure’s right knee shoot is coming apart due the plastic becoming more stiff (yes I know I should’ve stuck him under boiling water first). But I had the thought of sticking him under boiling water, remove the faulty knee joint, reseal the joint with super glue, and then pop it back in. Would that work or would it be better buying a new Hawkeye/Ronin figure? submitted by jayce_m8 to ActionFigures [link] [comments] |
2023.06.04 15:03 diandra-notreally1 Didn't tell my parents my sister had a Job and now they are pissed
This is a long one so buckle up.
So I F19 and my sister F22 have always been each other's everything. We both have very strained relationships with our parents but her being the oldest, always meant she had to take on more responsibility. The thing is, she has the "black sheep" title of our family. She has always been the most defiant and outspoken of us, while I normally always just sit quietly and do what my parents say most of the time. My parents always say that she gives up on things too easily and doesn't really stick to plans. She has her bads but also goods and I believe she will grow out of it.
My sister finished high school on some rocky grades but got into college in Europe (where she lives now) with a scholarship that pays her tuition and rent. I am also with a full scholarship. In both scholarships you can't fail classes. My sister has failed a total of 7 classes. And I don't know how she still has the scholarship. She is supposed to graduate in December but she will be able to. I know it is bad, but the thing is, my sister HATES her major. She has been begging my parents to change it for the last two years but it is more complicated then it seems: 1) her scholarship was designed for her specific major, so changing it might mean not having the financial aid anymore. 2) as I said in the beginning, my sister tends to give up on things easily, so my parents took her wanting to change her major as another tantrum of not following up on things. 3) my parents previously told her NOT to choose this major, but she took it anyways, my aunt did the same major in college and she is the person my sister looks up to the most, she wanted to follow her footsteps but quickly realized this major isn't for her.
Knowing this, fast forward to a few months ago, my sister talked to my parents about her getting a job so she can perhaps help with the financial stress it would be for her to change majors, and my parents told her this exactly: "We don't want you to get a job, you should focus on school. And getting a job is disrespecting your father, because you think he/we can't provide for you. A job wouldn't pay for your tuition anyways". A bit of context, my dad’s company went out of business a few years ago, and since then, my mom has been the main provider. I believe it makes my dad very insecure, especially since my mom is paying for everything, from vacations, to house, everything.
My sister got a job anyways, and she isn't making much yet, she doesn't have a fixed salary and it varies on what she sells. She said that she is very happy about having some stability, and that she figured that maybe college isn't for her and told me not to say anything to my parents. She wants to earn some money for her rent and maybe in a while get into another major. While my parents think she should finish what she started and get a job later.
Fast forward to yesterday, my dad is on vacation on the same city my sister is. He has a key to her apartment (don't know how) and he got himself in and waited once she got home. My dad found some papers from her job on her nightstand and confronted her about it. She had to end up admitting that she had a job and my dad stormed out.
I am currently back in my home country and I am staying with my mom. My mom woke me up this morning confronting me as to why I didn't tell them she was working. I explained that that's her business and I can't possibly break her trust. She said that they are our parents regardless, and they should know about it even if they disagree, that we should always talk to them about anything. She told me that "we kids" don't know how hard it is out there and we act on emotion rather than experience and logic, that they are tough to "toughen us up to the real world". I said they rather scream at us than understand. Every time we try to talk about the generational trauma, therapy for depression/anxiety, our struggle through college and the amount of pain we feel, they shut us down, saying we know nothing about life, and mental health is a "made up concept" this as an excuse not to do anything. "Everyone has depression nowadays, all an act".
Because of the build up from yesterday (other AITA), I got out of the house, and now I at my friend's. My mom is calling me and my sister said my dad is still out somewhere.
I don't know what I did wrong. I understand that hiding info is worse, but I don't think me not telling them was the wrong choice. We have always dealt with our problems within us, knowing our parents wouldn't be much help anyways. I am really trying to see where they come from with this kind of mentality, but it does more harm then good to hold on with such believes when it just pushes your own kids away.
submitted by diandra-notreally1 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
So I F19 and my sister F22 have always been each other's everything. We both have very strained relationships with our parents but her being the oldest, always meant she had to take on more responsibility. The thing is, she has the "black sheep" title of our family. She has always been the most defiant and outspoken of us, while I normally always just sit quietly and do what my parents say most of the time. My parents always say that she gives up on things too easily and doesn't really stick to plans. She has her bads but also goods and I believe she will grow out of it.
My sister finished high school on some rocky grades but got into college in Europe (where she lives now) with a scholarship that pays her tuition and rent. I am also with a full scholarship. In both scholarships you can't fail classes. My sister has failed a total of 7 classes. And I don't know how she still has the scholarship. She is supposed to graduate in December but she will be able to. I know it is bad, but the thing is, my sister HATES her major. She has been begging my parents to change it for the last two years but it is more complicated then it seems: 1) her scholarship was designed for her specific major, so changing it might mean not having the financial aid anymore. 2) as I said in the beginning, my sister tends to give up on things easily, so my parents took her wanting to change her major as another tantrum of not following up on things. 3) my parents previously told her NOT to choose this major, but she took it anyways, my aunt did the same major in college and she is the person my sister looks up to the most, she wanted to follow her footsteps but quickly realized this major isn't for her.
Knowing this, fast forward to a few months ago, my sister talked to my parents about her getting a job so she can perhaps help with the financial stress it would be for her to change majors, and my parents told her this exactly: "We don't want you to get a job, you should focus on school. And getting a job is disrespecting your father, because you think he/we can't provide for you. A job wouldn't pay for your tuition anyways". A bit of context, my dad’s company went out of business a few years ago, and since then, my mom has been the main provider. I believe it makes my dad very insecure, especially since my mom is paying for everything, from vacations, to house, everything.
My sister got a job anyways, and she isn't making much yet, she doesn't have a fixed salary and it varies on what she sells. She said that she is very happy about having some stability, and that she figured that maybe college isn't for her and told me not to say anything to my parents. She wants to earn some money for her rent and maybe in a while get into another major. While my parents think she should finish what she started and get a job later.
Fast forward to yesterday, my dad is on vacation on the same city my sister is. He has a key to her apartment (don't know how) and he got himself in and waited once she got home. My dad found some papers from her job on her nightstand and confronted her about it. She had to end up admitting that she had a job and my dad stormed out.
I am currently back in my home country and I am staying with my mom. My mom woke me up this morning confronting me as to why I didn't tell them she was working. I explained that that's her business and I can't possibly break her trust. She said that they are our parents regardless, and they should know about it even if they disagree, that we should always talk to them about anything. She told me that "we kids" don't know how hard it is out there and we act on emotion rather than experience and logic, that they are tough to "toughen us up to the real world". I said they rather scream at us than understand. Every time we try to talk about the generational trauma, therapy for depression/anxiety, our struggle through college and the amount of pain we feel, they shut us down, saying we know nothing about life, and mental health is a "made up concept" this as an excuse not to do anything. "Everyone has depression nowadays, all an act".
Because of the build up from yesterday (other AITA), I got out of the house, and now I at my friend's. My mom is calling me and my sister said my dad is still out somewhere.
I don't know what I did wrong. I understand that hiding info is worse, but I don't think me not telling them was the wrong choice. We have always dealt with our problems within us, knowing our parents wouldn't be much help anyways. I am really trying to see where they come from with this kind of mentality, but it does more harm then good to hold on with such believes when it just pushes your own kids away.
2023.06.04 15:02 Doomshit123 How do I fix my sleep schedule?
Hi, I'm confused on how to change my sleep schedule.
Here's the problem, I'm 21 and ever since around my early teen years I've always felt more alive and "myself" at night. My sleep schedule since then has always been fucked. I feel full of energy to the point of just pacing around the room in circles with thoughts running through my head so much that I need to talk to myself out loud for a little while to somehow get it out of my system.
It's been like this for so damn long that now I developed the worst sleep schedule imaginable and I have no idea what to do about it. It's ingrained in me.
On work days, I sleep around 4-3 hours and absolutely crash on the weekend. I suspect that all my mental problems are actually coming from lack of consistent sleep and not some mental disorder as I previously thought.
What do I do? I'm the type of person that can't stick to anything, ANYTHING. I don't know how I'm supposed to regulate my own sleep... I've tried to reset my sleep schedule many times every year but it always ends up being worse and worse. I realize that thinking about myself this way only solidifies this way of thinking but it's all I've ever known.
It feels incredibly debilitating and I don't know what to do, no one understands me irl.
submitted by Doomshit123 to sleep [link] [comments]
Here's the problem, I'm 21 and ever since around my early teen years I've always felt more alive and "myself" at night. My sleep schedule since then has always been fucked. I feel full of energy to the point of just pacing around the room in circles with thoughts running through my head so much that I need to talk to myself out loud for a little while to somehow get it out of my system.
It's been like this for so damn long that now I developed the worst sleep schedule imaginable and I have no idea what to do about it. It's ingrained in me.
On work days, I sleep around 4-3 hours and absolutely crash on the weekend. I suspect that all my mental problems are actually coming from lack of consistent sleep and not some mental disorder as I previously thought.
What do I do? I'm the type of person that can't stick to anything, ANYTHING. I don't know how I'm supposed to regulate my own sleep... I've tried to reset my sleep schedule many times every year but it always ends up being worse and worse. I realize that thinking about myself this way only solidifies this way of thinking but it's all I've ever known.
It feels incredibly debilitating and I don't know what to do, no one understands me irl.
2023.06.04 15:00 theothersinclair What breast cancer can look and feel like
 | submitted by theothersinclair to TheGirlSurvivalGuide [link] [comments] |