"Get over here, gonna need your help fighting the Red Menace again." "Communists, huh?" "Worse. Tomatoes!"
In the late 70s, the United States of America were terrorized by the greatest threat they had ever faced. Tomatoes, unable to be reasoned with, unable to be stopped, unable to hold back their relentless bloodlust. It took a group of specialists put together by the president to discover their one weakness, using it to negate the fruit threat. Ten years of peace passed, aided by the U.S. Congress outlawing tomatoes, and the new generation grew up unknowing of the menace once posed. This was until Professor Gangreen found a way to transform tomatoes into personal soldiers, planning on reminding the world of why they once feared them as he became its ruler.

Legend

1 - Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
2 - Return of the Killer Tomatoes!
3 - Killer Tomatoes Strike Back!
4 - Killer Tomatoes Eat France!
C-# - Attack of the Killer Tomatoes novelization, chapter #

Strength

Killing / Eating

• Bites off the fingers of a man^C-6
• One regular sized tomato kills a woman¹
• Takes out a helicopter pilot¹
• A herd of tomatoes eat a biker¹
• A large swarm of tomatoes kill a forty foot long squid^C-4
• A giant tomato eats a kid¹
• Another one eats a kangaroo^C-22
• One tomato gets placed in a small tank with five piranhas that would otherwise be the deadliest creature on Earth, and kills and eats all of them³

Striking

• Staggers a man with strikes³
• Knocks a biker off of his bike¹
• Smash through windows at a laboratory³
• Breaks through the back of a police car¹
• One takes down a helicopter^C-2
• Presumably a group of large tomatoes knock over a tank^C-17

Other

• One rolls over an elderly soldier, squishing him flat^C-17

Durability

Blunt Force

• One tomato doesn't splatter after attacking a woman repeatedly^C-1
• Form a barrier to block and hurt a giant squid^C-4
• A pyramid of tomatoes stop several motorbikes faster than their riders expected, though those directly in the path of the bike's wheels don't survive^C-6

Other

• At the start of their first invasion, it's said that chemicals, bugs, and bullets don't work¹
  • That being said, shortly after a shotgun is able to dispatch regular sized tomatoes¹
  • The novel specifies that bullets can stop them, but they're just difficult to hit, and that the bugs mentioned are aphids^C-2
• A giant tomato no-sells a number of point blank rifle shots¹
  • They need to be shot 67 times to be made to stop eating people^C-17
• When sliced into many little pieces, a tomato continues to move, only stopping on being smeared all over the carpet^C-24
• A humanoid tomato survives being in a gas chamber meant to execute prisoners²
• Tomato juice is said to still be living^C-1

Mobility

Ground

• Repeatedly dodges knife stabs from a woman in the nick of time, with the last attack not being telegraphed by a shout^C-1
• Keeps up with a fleeing man¹
• Rolls up a flight of stairs¹
• Appears out of a sink's garbage disposal before rolling out of said sink¹

Flying / Throwing Themselves

• Throw themselves at a car¹
• Hits a helicopter pilot¹
• Hit British planes in the air^{C-22 (Redux)}
• Bounces off of a wall to hit a woman that dodged an initial attack^C-1
• Levitates around a woman while attacking her³
• Two tomatoes fly around a group with a rope, tying them up⁴

Other

• Moves through water to attack women¹

Unique Forms

F.T.

• A failed experiment of Professor Gangreen's, a large, furry tomato that leaps up to a light switch²
• Leaps into a tree and potentially gets shot out of it²
• Gets beaten up by a crowd on a street²
• Gets launched out of a sewer and hit by a truck²
• Jumps on a grenade and survives²
• Wields a paintball pistol³
• Somehow drives a car⁴
• Somehow drives a quad bike²
• Speaks English⁴

Tomatozilla

• An enormous tomato in New York knocked over buildings at it rolled around^C-25
• Takes a hit from a giant robot that knocked down buildings^C-25
• Dodges projectiles from an equally enormous robot^C-25
• Still capable of fighting after being roasted by a flamethrower^C-25
• After being cut in two, the goo on its inside rises up and is capable of dissolving a giant robot before finally disappearing. Like this, it gets splattered apart by a missile, but still burns away at metal^C-25

Other

• Tara was a humanoid tomato that was Professor Gangreen's assistant, capable of speaking perfect English, cooking 815 international dishes, performing 637 sexual acts, and using all the popular home appliances²
  • Doesn't eat vegetables, instead opting for meat or plant food²
• A giant tomato with the destructive force equivalent to 5,000 killer tomatoes⁴
  • Eats a woman⁴
  • Breathes fire⁴
• One man is killed by drinking tomato juice¹
  • This tomato juice is said to still be living, and to taste like death instead of regular tomato juice^C-1
• A man is eaten by a BLT sandwich¹
• At least one elephant-sized tomato is seen to have grown a face, arms, and legs^C-24
  • It instantly regenerated its leg when it was cut off, before sprouting many more limbs and faces^C-24

Equipment

• A tiny shuriken and nunchucks³
• Hockey masks and chainsaws³
• A tiny gun³
• Dynamite that blows up a tank and a launcher for it⁴

Music Effects

Transformation

• Tomatoes dipped in toxic waste can be exposed to music, changing into different humanoid forms based on the type of music they hear²
  • One song turns tomatoes into soldiers with guns, capable of breaking plant pots with a punch and a wooden board with a hammer²
• Professor Gangreen claims they can be made to resemble anyone existing²
• They revert back to being a tomato on hearing a strain from Beethoven's 5th, and Tara returns back to her humanoid state with the chimes of a clock²
• On being shot, humanoid tomatoes revert into their usual state as they're splattered²
• Exposure to a gas used to execute prisoners leaves a humanoid tomato unable to transform when exposed to music²

Weakness

• When subjected to the song Puberty Love, tomatoes initially retreat before being shrunk back to their regular size and being depowered so that people can freely stamp on and destroy them¹
  • Puberty Love is said to be the worst song ever made²
  • In the novel, it causes them to flee without attacking,^C-19 though they still revert to normal tomatoes with exposure^C-27
• The person who initially discovered this tossed a previously-exposed tomato to another person, saying that it had been rendered harmless¹
• One giant tomato wore earmuffs so they couldn't hear the song, but was affected nonetheless when it was shown the sheet music to Puberty Love¹

Fear Induction

• Halfway through the first movie, merely saying the word 'tomato' is enough to instil mass panic¹
• Tara changing into a tomato in a restaurant instantly incites fear and clears it out²
• A tomato's presence on a street causes a crowd to gather to try and destroy it, and for them to chase after a 'tomato lover' who tries to rescue it²
• Following the first movie, the American congress banned tomatoes²

Other Capabilities

• Communicate with an understandable, translatable language¹
  • People are capable of speaking it³
  • Speak English in the fourth movie⁴
• Undoes a screw from the inside of a vent³
• Drive a van³
• Pile up on British ships until they sink under the weight of tomatoes^{C-22 (Redux)}
  • Potentially do the same with England as a whole after overwhelming their army^{C-22 (Redux)}
• Capable of taking people hostage³

Other

• Starting with the third movie, the tomatoes have faces for some reason³
• Preceding their first attack, tomatoes began growing at an unusually rapid pace^C-1
• A cherry tomato can become bigger than a bowling ball, with other tomatoes being of a size comparable to people¹
• After being struck through, large tomatoes become stuck on a woman's limbs and don't come off^C-12
• Are capable of burning, pillaging, and raping¹
• Rendered inert by a fire extinguisher³
• Won't eat their own kind, and so a person covering themselves with ketchup won't be attacked by them³
• Follow proper martial arts protocol^C-22

Girls: Izzy
Boys: Ezekiel, Mal
Episode 26: Hawaiian Punch
"Previously, on Total Drama World Tour!" Chris said, the first clip of the recap showing a pan from the wrecked plane to Izzy, Mal, and the host himself. "The Final Three took off like bats out of Drumheller," Chris continued as Mal was shown ducking behind a rock with a smirk, Izzy and Topher took off into the air in a makeshift hot air balloon, and Ezekiel was reading a newspaper in the train's passenger car.
"Unfortunately, Izzy brought Topher the plane-wrecker along for the ride," Chris added as the two teens were shown flying into the hailstorm. "Even more unfortunate? A broken yeti heart." Mal was shown being disgusted by the yeti kissing him.
"Thankfully, Ezekiel Clone made things less crappy to watch," the host conceded as Ezekiel Clone was shown chasing Ezekiel around the dessert cart. "Good times!" the host added as Ezekiel's boat hit a naval mine and were blown into the air.
"In the end, Mal the Mayhem King reached Hawaii first," he said as Mal's triumphant arrival on the beach was shown. "And Captain Canada and Princess Destructo tied for second place," he added as Ezekiel's boat was shown crashing into Izzy's, sending both finalists and Topher flying onto the beach at the same time. Chris laughed as the Final Three reacted with shock at the tie.
"Who will Mal face in the final challenge?" Chris asked, the recap ending with a flash to the beach, where the Final Three were lined up behind him. "And who will go home with a million dollars?!" he exclaimed in a dramatic emcee's voice. "Iiiiiit's finale time! Right here, on Total! Drama! World Tour!"
XXXXX
"Welcome to the live finale of Total Drama World Tour," Chris said, a triumphant tune already playing as the camera zoomed in on him, the finalists, and Dawn and Harold standing on the beach. "Moments ago, these guys tied for second in a boat sandwich," he said, the shot zooming in on the finalists before he stepped over to join them. "Tasty!" he added.
"During the break, we sent them to vent in the confessional. Check it!" Chris told the camera.
Confessional: Izzy
Izzy was first, and the new Hawaiian confessional seemed to be a roofless wooden outhouse set up somewhere in the jungle, based on the vines that were drooping into it.
"Finale time!!! I can't wait to purchase my very own race track and monster truck!" she cheered. "Granted, I tied with Ezekiel to the finish line, but I think I can handle him."
She paused for a moment. "It's Mal that's the most challenging. He shouldn't be in juvenile detention. That guy belongs in jail!"
Confessional: Ezekiel
Ezekiel's confessional started with a whoop of joy. "I can't believe how close I am to the million dollars! With that amount of money, I can hire more teachers to homeschool me and buy new and advanced books to study from."
He facepalmed his head. "I just have to beat Izzy and Mal in order to reach that goal."
Confessional: Mal
Mal was next. "Getting rid of the fifteen past losers was like scraping gum off my shoe. A bit sticky, but oh so satisfying! And with Mike trapped in my subconscious, that million dollars is mine!"
He delved into maniacal laughter once more, with the background fading into a fiery inferno before the shot zoomed into his subconscious again.
Mike, Manitoba Smith, Vito, Svetlana, and Chester have reached the top, panting in exhaustion from the stairs they had climbed.
Mike, who still had Chester on his back, walked over to a red button in the center of the room. "Oh, come on. We came all the way up here for a lousy button?" Mike complained.
"It's a destruction button, you ninny!" Chester stated.
"What? What does it do?" Svetlana asked.
"You see this tower here?" Chester started. "You press this button, and the tower goes kaboom!"
"Why would Mal have a self-destruct button?" Vito asked incredulously.
"Mal made this tower and since his head is all swelled up, he put this button there just to mock us for not being able to stand up to him," Manitoba deduced.
"But what if it hurts all of us?" Mike asked in concern.
"It's not going to kill us. That's not how DID works!" Chester moaned. "Mal will lose control of his body when his tower is destroyed."
"And after that, Mike and Mal will have to go one-on-one to see who'll claim control!" Svetlana realized.
"Hold up. I have to fight Mal?" Mike said in shock.
"You two are the most dominant out of us," Vito reasoned. "If me or anyone else tried to face him, we'd lose immediately."
"And if Mal defeats you, we'll be back to being under his control, and so will you, for the rest of your life!" Manitoba emphasized.
"That means I won't see my family or friends ever again," Mike gasped. "I have to do this!"
\
"Go Team Ezekiel!" Sadie cheered, drawing attention to the stands just off to the side where most of the rest of the cast were seated. "Your team is rooting for you!" she said, waving a small flag with the home-schooled guy's face on it.
"Why are they in teams?" Mal asked Chris, stepping towards him and shooting a skeptical look towards the gallery. "And why do I not have one?"
"The Peanut Gallery's playing a major role in choosing a winner," Chris explained, earning a cheer from those in the stand.
"Sweet," Duncan grinned. "I guess we're all voting on the winner again."
"A vote?" Mal said blankly and nervously.
"Yep. If you can't tell, you're done for," Noah smirked.
"We are here for you Izzy!" Owen said. "So show them you're the boss!"
"But first," Chris said as the music turned tense, "we gotta break a tie. Mal," he turned to the evil personality, "you won the race to Hawaii, so, your reward is this advantage: you can select the tiebreaker yourself, or you can let Izzy or Ezekiel do it."
"Like I'd give these short sacks a choice," Mal said with a chuckle. "I'll do it!"
"I was hoping you'd say that," Chris said with an ominous laugh that caused Mal to raise an eyebrow.
\
"Ta-da!" Chris said as the footage skipped forward to a close-up of a clear glass booth with some sort of yellowish bulb filled with small balls on top. "Each ball inside our challenge booth has a different tiebreaker written on it," he said, gesturing to the bulb as the shot pulled back to show the Final Three on the left and the Aftermath hosts behind the booth on the right. "So, take your pick!"
"This is going to be such a thrill," Mal said cynically before walking into the booth.
The door was closed and the machine whirred to a start, challenge music playing as Mal was pelted with the white golf balls of the challenge booth. "Are these golf balls?!" Mal yelled, wincing with every hit and causing the Peanut Gallery to laugh.
"I know for a fact that we only put ping pong balls in there," Harold said nervously, Dawn nodding in agreement.
"I know," Chris told them, "and I'm not mad. Just disappointed. I had to dial it up to meet my usual high standards!"
"Enough!" Mal said, still wincing with every hit. "This should stop right-" he said, tilting his head up as he tried to reach for the bottom of the bulb – the source of the balls. He was cut off abruptly, and suddenly put a hand to his throat. His eyes starting to bulge, he barged his way out of the booth and began to gag.
"No ball, no exit," Chris told him. "Back you go!"
Mal stayed put, grabbing his throat as he coughed and choked about. Eventually, he spat up a ball, and it landed in a small pool of spit in the sand.
"Dawn, Harold, go ahead and read that, would you?" Chris asked them.
"Yuck," Dawn winced, crouching down to pick up the spit-covered golf ball in two fingers. "Mal has selected the Traditional Hawaiian Fire Dance of...Death?" she announced, ominous music playing as Ezekiel frowned at the news while Izzy clapped for it.
\
The same Hawaiian tune that had been used in the past couple of episodes was playing as the footage skipped ahead to Ezekiel and Izzy standing on opposite ends of a wooden platform in the ocean, each dressed in coconut bras and grass skirts and holding padded jousting sticks. Between them was Mal, tied up tightly to a pole in the center of the platform.
"Why does a male warrior have to wear a coconut bra," Ezekiel commented, motioning to the odd piece of equipment.
"Forget about tradition?" Mal griped as the Hawaiian music cut out. "I'm stuck to a pole!"
Those in the gallery laughed. "He's funny when he's tied up and can't hurt me!" Owen laughed.
"Once I win this finale!" Mal countered, "you will all treat me with the utmost respect! I will not be forgotten again!"
"Right," Chris told him, the shot cutting to him and Chef on the beach – the hulking man in a floral-print skirt with a bow in his hand and a quiver of arrows on his back. "The first person to free Mal wins the last spot in the Final Two," Chris announced, "and a shot at the million!"
"I have one more question," Izzy spoke up. "If no one frees him, would that make me and Ezekiel the Final Two?"
"Hey!" Mal said in outrage.
"Won't work, I already checked," Chris answered. "Chef, would you do the honors?" he asked his assistant, the man drawing back two flaming arrows and releasing them with a twang. They struck a darkened patch on either side of the platform, just behind each competitor, which promptly burst into blazing fires that startled Izzy and Ezekiel.
"Oh, and stay out of the water," Chris added. "Starting...," Chef shot off another pair of arrows, these ones tipped with steaks, "now!" The arrows landed in the water where a pair of shark fins were already circling; one rose up and swallowed an arrow just as it plunked into the water.
"Good thing we're out of the game," Ella whispered over to Sadie.
"And rekindled our friendship in the process," Sadie agreed as challenge music began to play.
The gallery began to cheer and holler as the camera zoomed in on the platform, Izzy quickly taking the offense by swiping at Ezekiel with her jousting stick. "Prepare to go down!" she said, slamming her stick down hard against his as he tried to block.
"I'm too young to die, eh. I'm gonna take you down!" Ezekiel glared and blocked Izzy.
"Stay on your guard, Zeke!" Topher encouraged him.
"Go for her legs! It's easy!" Shawn spoke out as well.
"Alright, Izzy! You can pound him into meat!" Eva shouted.
"I'd ask any of you for my encouragement, but it'd be useless," Mal mumbled.
"I don't support people who mess with my best friends!" Sky said firmly.
Mal scowled back at her, and an arrow from Chef hit the pole he was tied to, causing it to burn up while Mal tried to blow it away.
His view was covered by Ezekiel having the upper hand on Izzy and thrusting her back. "Save yourself the trouble and let me win!" he said and continued to push his jousting stick onto Izzy and send her closer to her edge.
"Someone better win or I'm going to burst into flames!" Mal yelled impatiently.
Izzy struggled under Ezekiel's stick, but an idea formed in her head. "Hey Ezekiel, I see a hawk that's flying towards you," she fibbed.
"Do you really think I'm that stupid?" Ezekiel said. "Nice try."
"Darn it!" Izzy cursed under her breath.
Ezekiel pushed her to the ground, and just as he was about to swipe her off, Izzy lifted her stick and hit Ezekiel's foot with it. The homeschooler howled in pain and let his guard down, and Izzy used the opportunity to jab the padded end of her stick at his chin, knocking him a couple inches into the air and allowing his jousting stick to sink into the water.
He landed on the platform on his back, and Izzy quickly ran over to Mal. The camera angle switched to show her hands darting to the knot on the back, already partially undone, and seconds later the ropes slid off Mal as the challenge music ended.
"It's about time you got me out!" Mal whined. "You took too long to beat Ezekiel of all people."
"You leave him alone!" Izzy snapped. "He's proven himself to be more capable than any of us this season, and he is twice the person you will ever be!"
Ezekiel, still lying on his back, took the moment to smile. "That really means a lot coming from you," he told Izzy.
"Sorry I had to defeat you just to reach the finals," Izzy said as he helped Ezekiel back on his feet. "Are you going to be fine with taking third place?"
"I'm not going to win the cash prize," Ezekiel admitted, "but I've made friends, improved my views on the outside world, and gained a girlfriend from this show. That's more than enough for me now!"
Mal rolled his eyes, and someone in a hazmat suit appeared on the platform with a fire extinguisher. As they began putting out the flame on the fallen charmer's side, the former Final Three made their way to the edge of the platform to the general cheering of the unseen gallery.
\
The scene skipped forward to Izzy (back in her usual clothing) and Mal standing on the beach with Chris, the person in the hazmat suit clinging to the burning and sinking wreckage of the platform in the background.
"Now that we have our Final Two," Chris said with a broad smile, "it's my pleasure to announce the Peanut Gallery will not be voting for the winner."
"Yeah!" Mal said in triumph.
"Wait," Topher spoke up. "You said we were supposed to be playing a major role."
"Yep," Chris told him. "Just not in a vote-y kinda way. Prepare to have your minds blown out by the most lethal challenge in Total Drama history!" he announced dramatically.
"Izzy," he said as a shot of The Psycho Hose Beast smiling goofily against a red background, "versus Mal," a shot of The Malevolent One grinning darkly against a bluish background took over the screen, "versus the Volcano!" The shot changed to a distance shot of a volcano as it belched out a plume of smoke.
"Back in the day," Chris said as the scene cut to him standing between the two finalists; Mal on his left behind a light blue rug, Izzy on his right behind a light red rug; "human sacrifices were tossed into Kilauea volcano to appease the Gods. Sadly, the lawyers won't let me use real people as sacrifices. So! Mal and Izzy will have to make sacrifice stand-ins, using the island's most abundant resources."
The camera followed off-screen, landing on a pile of "Pineapples, and driftwood!"
"And to make it nice and symbolic," Chris continued as the shot cut back to him and the finalists, "you guys have to make dummies of each other to dump in the volcano. Now, you each get to pick two helpers."
"I'm not letting either of you pick me," Duncan immediately told them.
"I'll pick Eva," Izzy said immediately.
"Great!" Eva said standing up. "We'll win this one!"
"Exactly," Izzy smiled. "And my second choice is Noah."
"I normally don't care about contests, but this is one I can't sit out on," Noah said with a smile of his own.
"Sorry, Big-O! I need Team E-Scope for this part!" Izzy told her boyfriend.
"No problem. I want you to win with the best of the best," Owen told her.
Mal looked at the Gallery nervously, the camera panning across Peanut Gallery, all its members glaring at him. "Do I have to pick two?" Mal asked the host.
"Definitely! And all of them hate you." Chris snickered.
Mal groaned under his breath. "In that case, I'm choosing Sky first!"
"I'll help…but only for Mike!" Sky enforced.
"And lastly," Mal scanned the Gallery again, "I'll take Shawn!"
"I would refuse, but the rules won't allow me to do so," Shawn shrugged.
\
"Okay! We have our helpers!" Chris said as the scene flashed back to the two colored rugs; Izzy by the light red with Eva and Noah, Mal by the light blue with Shawn and Sky. "Now, Izzy and Mal, you have to stay on your mats and direct your helpers to bring you logs, driftwood,and pineapples that resemble parts of your opponent. And to make things a little more rhymey~!" He added with an excited smile as the all-to-familiar dings sounded and the musical note icon appeared on-screen.
///\
[A reverent, almost chanted riff opened as Sky and Shawn looked up and back, and the colors of the scene shifted to something more animated: the two in blue, against a background of reddish-pink flowers. The shot changed so that it seemed to be looking up at a blue volcano as it erupted against the floral background, and a blue and almost larger-than-life Mal emerged from its peak and with a laurel wreath on his head.]
"Hey peons, you should head straight! Don't ask, it'll make me ache!"
[He sang commandingly as a hip-hop tune began; holding out his arm as if to catch something before an almost cartoonish thunderbolt appeared in his hands. He threw it, and the camera followed it down to Shawn and Sky. They were forced to flee before the bolt struck where they'd been loitering along the ground.]
"You two, get me; wood shaped, like Izzy's tiny fe~et!"
[His helpers ran to a titanic pile of neatly-stacked blue logs, and the shot cut back to Mal idly examining his fingernails before turning to his helpers and smirking as he finished the line. The shot panned to the right to a red volcano as it, too, erupted; a red Izzy emerged from it, also wearing a laurel wreath.]
"Come on, come on, move it fast! Hurry, hurry, won't be last!
[She sang as another cartoonish thunderbolt appeared in her hands, casting her opponent a disparaging glance then throwing the bolt over her head down at the red Noah and Eva below. They too were forced to flee before the bolt struck where they'd been loitering.]
"Find wood that looks like him, so pencil-like and sli~im!"
[The camera continued to follow Eva and Noah as they ran past Sky, who was securing a rope to a peg on the side of a large hunk of wood. She briefly turned her head to watch them, then turned back and tugged the rope extending up off-screen.]
"I'm gonna win it (Yeah!) And you can't take it (No!) I'm right here in it (Yeah!) But you just fake it! (Oh!)"
[The two finalists sang, together even with the chanted words in the background. As they dueled the shot moved from Mal, his hands alternately throwing lightning bolts at his helpers, to Scarlett, throwing only one bolt, to both as they turned to one another and sent their god-like abilities at each other, resulting in an explosion of purple smoke that took over the scene.]
"Are these legs thin enough?"
[Eva called out, the smoke dissipating into her close-up before the shot zoomed out to show her standing on a pale gray scaffold next to another large chunk of wood suspended by a rope tied to a peg.
"Uh-huh!" Izzy replied from off-screen.
"H~ey!" Mal sang, the camera panning up to a higher level of the scaffold where Shawn was standing next to a rather thin piece of wood, also suspended point-down on a rope.
"Man, is this neck squeezed enough?" he asked, receiving a red thunderbolt for his trouble.]
"Whoo! Now it's psycho versus insane; Mal and Izzy cause some pain and!"
[The purple smoke cleared to show Shawn in his Drama Brothers outfit and a mic in his hand; the beat changed slightly as he began to rap from a small pillar of rock between the two finalists. The camera rotated about him as he gestured over his shoulder first at the finalists.]
"All this tension for the million; to that I have no opinion!"
[The camera zoomed in as he smirked and threw a dollar bill in the air, then zoomed back out as he got in front of Izzy, who threw a thunderbolt at him.]
"That is good, hurry back; I need arms weak and slack!"
[Mal continued in a commanding tone as Shawn, now riding atop another cone-like piece of wood as it was carried along by the attached rope, met up with Sky who was in a similar position and the shot cut back to Mal.]
"Her butt is su-per flat; And don't forget that!"
[Mal sang. He then turned to Izzy and shot her a mocking smile.]
"Get me two stringy knees; and hands like flat cheese!"
[Izzy responded, throwing another thunderbolt at her two tiny followers. Eva quickly ran away but Noah stayed in place and looked at her.]
"One more thing should be said; Don't forget his big head!"
[She pointed to a pile of giant red pineapples. Noah nodded then ran off.]
"I'm gonna win it (Yeah!) And you can't take it (No!) I'm right here in it (Yeah!) But you just fake it! (Oh!)"
[The two finalists repeated, once again sending their lightning towards their respective helpers before turning their god-like powers on each other.]
"All of this hard work; won't make me go berserk!"
[Eva sang, the smoke dissipating to show her on the scaffold once more next to a long and surprisingly arm-like piece of wood. The shot zoomed out to show it already affixed to her team's effigy – currently a long piece for the chest, a slightly bulkier piece for the waist, and two skinny legs; all pieces were connected by the shorter wooden pegs the ropes had been tied to. On the other side of the scaffold was the effigy Mal's team had created – two small, thin pieces for the chest and waist, two thin arms and a somewhat curvy leg; the effigy was kept upright by a rope tied around the short peg where the neck would be.]
"Now place the head right there; Pineapple, not pe~ar!"
[Izzy told her, looking down before the shot cut to Noah trying to push a massive red pineapple across the ground.]
"I'm gonna win it (Yeah!) And you can't take it (No!) I'm right here in it (Yeah!) But you just fake it! (Oh!)"
[The finalists repeated a third time, sending their lightning towards their helpers at a slightly faster pace than before. And still, they ended up turning their god-like powers towards one another to cause another purple explosion.]
"I'm gonna cash it! (Yeah!) You'll never win it! (No!) You should trash it! (Yeah!)"
[They continued as the smoke dissipated to reveal Eva and Noah carrying their red pineapple, before gaping in shock as Sky managed to slot her team's head down in its proper place.]
"'Cause I just did i~it!"
[Mal sang triumphantly, the shot pulling back to show Sky sighing in relief, Shawn on the other side wiping the sweat from his face. The scene finally cut to reality as the song ended, Mal smiling smugly with Sky and Shawn beside him, the two of them not looking at all enthusiastic.]
///
"And Mal takes the lead!" Chris announced over a shot of Izzy squinting at her opponent. "Next step, haul your sacrifice to the top of Kilauea and toss her into the volcano, like so!"
The shot quick-panned away from the host all the way up to the crater where a person in a hazmat suit tossed a crash test dummy into the magma below. This, however, caused molten rock to splash back up, partially coating the person in the hazmat suit. They screamed in pain as fire engulfed them, and ran away scorched.
"Yeah," Chris said as the shot cut back to him, "watch out for the back-splash. We'll be right back with all the hardcore lava-riffic sizzling finale action," he told the camera, "here! On Total! Drama! World Tour!"
\
(Commercial Break)
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Not sure how to explain the situation. Yesterday my car broke down on the highway. I was going about 70 on the highway when it started to overheat out of nowhere. (My car has never showed any signs of distress.) Then it began to tell me that the battery was disconnected and it started to slow down. When I got to the shoulder of the highway it began to power off on its own. There was grayish smoke coming out of the tail pipe.
Some background info: I just got this car in February, it's a used 2016 Toyota Rav4. Had 2 previous owners, didn't even have 90,000 miles on it.( No warenty because i felt that i could not guarentte i would be in the state for very long as i am still in college and may transfer to another state. A condition of the warranty was that I could only use their services for any maintenance and the warrenty would be void if i did go to another service shop.) Got a decent price for it, or at least I thought so. (I was able to get the price down a thous because of paint chips on the back of the car.) I bought the car from a reputable dealership that is quite popular in my county. When I purchased the car I was told that everything was in working condition and was up to date on all the maintenance, keep this in mind.
When I got the dealership we waited for about an hour and a half to see what was going on. I was told that the serpentine belt had shredded. The mechanic tried to see if there was a external cause, there was not. A half hour later, I was told that my engine overheated so much that the engine failed completely. They quoted me a price of about 9,000 usd for repairs and service fees. Not much later the receptionist helping me with the price told me she spoke with her manager. Given that I bought my car from them, not even 3 months prior, they would discount the price down to 7,000 usd. (Not great, but I guess thats better.) I was told they cannot discount parts but can discount service fees.
I have only owned this car for a little more than 3 months. There is no way that in that time I could've damaged the serpentine belt to such an extent that it would cause complete engine failure. When I bought the car I was told there was no defects and that the maintenance was completely up to date. My dad said I could probably sue them for the misleading information which lead to the damage of the engine. My boss, who's father used to work for dealerships, told me given that I was mislead to believe the car was in perfect condition I can escalate the situation to their corporate office and sue.
Do I have enough of a case to sue? What are some of my other options?

Sometime ago, my wife (Q) tried the THC/CBD gummies on a whim with a local mom/friend, a person you wouldn't even think would bother. Passing no judgement on such substances, I think they are fine for the right person and personality. However, since that time about a year ago, my wife has sought constant usage of them, to the point she's gotten the medical card in our resident state. Since she has no right to drive for another (7) months (DUI), she's been asking me to 1) drive her 2) buy them on her behalf.
The intention of having her go through the medicinal route was a few thoughts/ideas:
1) Because it would be used for the intended purpose and not abused. Under a prescriber (DR), she'd at least be monitored and perhaps the dosage would be managed.
2) Cost. When I did buy them (and had tried them), they'd be about $60/order, which she'd go through in two weeks or less, generally using them nightly. I assumed if she had a card she'd have a doctor monitoring her AND it may cost less, because I wasn't OK with the on-going cost
3) Commitment. Her tendency is to be highly addictive. Supplements, particularly weight loss, during her high school days. As a 39 year old mother, she buys all kinds of supplements for "health," most of which appear to be junk. It's nothing for her to jump on the next fad of supplements.
Overall, my wife (Q) like many of you, has a strong tendency to lie, deceive, hide, or deflect away from core issues. When I did buy the gummies, she'd take her "dosage" and basically chill and check out on me, avoiding any issues she raised during the day. I'd spoken to her consumption with my counselor (MLADC, MLMHC) I took the approach/stance of "it isn't my circus." Her new addiction isn't my business. Indirectly, my counselor did advise what she would do if my wife was her patient, and to some extent I agreed.
My counselor's opinion is that she's still medicating her issues away, rather than confronting them, and for the sake of safety and health, these shouldn't be used, nor prescribed. The other issues I have (and my counselor) have is that taking gummies at night does nothing during the day when my wife's issues are at their hardest. We have an 8 and 2 year old and she often makes things "worse in her head, than they are in reality." Really, they're two great boys and the 8 year old is gone from 8am to 4pm with school. My wife is a SAHM and the 2 year old, while rambunctious, naps 2-3 hours/day.
My wife is a perfectionist with anxiety; at times no one would know, least of all the people she aims to be perfect for and please. Desserts at the bus stop when it's a neighbor child's birthday. Texts everyday to family members. Weekly calls to her living grandparents. Cards for every single birthday, holiday, celebration, or sad event in our life. Cleans the house. Prepares the meals. Donates money to charity on a whim. She's a Stepford wife for sure, but she has also nearly killed herself or other's in two horrible DUI accidents the past 8 years when she snaps out of nowhere, not to mention the 10's of thousands of dollars in medical bills paid out over the past 8 years for her care, treatment and rehabilitation.
I'd also say she's a bit of a downer. She tells herself and other's she's happy, but between our four walls, we see the real her, who at times is so down, so depressed, so anxious, she lashes out at us. Even if me and the boys are fine, all it takes is a thought, something on social media or a text, to set her off and she'll be consumed by it for days, so much so that in the past that would lead her to binge drink to oblivion.
I've trailed off from the gummies, but ultimately as the only driver capable it's 1) drive her to the dispensary 2) have her uber there and back (which isn't practical) 3) me pick them up. Part of me has the "I don't care attitude" because things are 100x better than they were in 16, 17, 18, 19 and so on. And part of me is tired of "relapsing" in the sense of her chaos and drama. Plenty of times we've been places and she just...fades, likely the result of taking something.
I'm not opposed to this stuff, assuming it's under guidance to get better, not simply divert the addiction from thing to another. Again, it isn't for me to say what someone can or cannot do, but I also have our children to think of and it's my life (and our income). As it is, I do much more than I can this year and will this year. Thanks for reading.

I (36/F) have two kids (16/M, 3/F), they are both with me 100% of the time. I do not receive any child support and I am the head of household/sole provider for my family. I make approximately 100K as an independent contractor with my own consulting business.
I am widowed, and my spouse passed away approx. 4 years ago.
I have been dating my partner (41/M) for 1 year and 7 months. He has one child (6/F), he has his child 50/50 with his former partner, he pays child support and makes 120K plus bonus and has full benefits as a salaried employee. He is very stable and loving.
My partner has never been married.
I have never met his former partner and have no desire to - she is a very high conflict person and they often disagree regarding everything from the clothes their child wears, haircuts, what school she will attend, her extracurricular hobbies, etc. Because he has 50/50 custody of his child, we have always spent very little time together when he has his custodial time. Since he only has her half the time, I am a very independent person and we haven't been dating very long (IMO) this has always been my preference and seemed to work well for everyone. I have never dated anyone who has a child before although children generally love me and I have always had an easy time getting along with children I've known.
In the beginning I was very clear about taking things slowly, I did not begin dating for 2+ years after my spouse passed away (my partner is the first/only person I have dated since being widowed). I also vocalized being totally unwilling to consider cohabitation until my son graduated HS early in our relationship. My son will be a senior this upcoming school year.
Slowly over time my partner has essentially disregarded all of my boundaries/concerns about "moving things to the next level". It is my view that he sees moving in together and getting engaged/married as the primary (if not only) indicators that a relationship "is progressing". Recently he got into my phone without my knowledge or permission and read through all my text messages, social media and web history. He did this due to anxiety, fear, and insecurities specifically revolving around why our relationship isn't "progressing" in the way he thinks it should be.. we almost broke up but decided to try and work through it.
Additionally, it has always been my dream to become a homeowner. I grew up in abject poverty, became a teen parent, am orphaned etc. This drive to succeed and grow (emotionally, financially, creatively, spiritually, in my career. etc) is a huge part of who I am as a person and how I view myself in the world. Due to this I've always been a hardworking, fearless and independent person.
Some months ago my partner began pressuring me to buy a house together. We both have near perfect credit, necessary income levels, and savings. I do not make enough income/have enough savings to purchase alone in the area I currently live in.
For reasons beyond my understanding now I entertained this idea as a sort of fun "what if". We went to several open houses and spoke with a mortgage broker who broke down our pre-authorization limits etc. We have not applied for pre-approval.
My partner's current lease ends in July. His landlord requires 60 days notice. My current lease ends in October. My leasing company requires 30 days notice.
As it stands now my partner "lives" at my home with my family and I 100% of the 50% he is child-free and spends 100% of the time he has his child at his own home.
My partner is now heavily, heavily pressuring me to give him the OK to give his notice to his landlord with plans to move into my home with his child and blend our families, with future plans to buy a home together when my lease is up.
I really love my partner and I feel our relationship is generally healthy and balanced however I also feel in my heart of hearts that I do not want to cohabitate because of how uncomfortable I feel being pressured, having my privacy disrespected with the phone thing, giving up my dream of buying a house myself, blending our families during my son's final year of school and my (non) relationship with his child.
His child has always been extremely cold to me, she is jealous of my daughter with her father and in general is just extremely uncomfortable to be around. I understand it is a delicate situation and I have always tried to give her kindness, show an interest in her, give her space to adjust to her father dating someone, etc. Honestly I would be fine continuing to date and even becoming engaged without cohabitating until his child is much older and more emotionally aware/mature.
This situation is further complicated by his highly restrictive custody agreement. He must live in a certain school district, located in the wealthy suburbs.
I have always made it known that I am an independent and free spirited person. I absolutely HATE the suburbs. Previously I have lived in multiple states in my country and travelled full-time doing "van life" for 5+ years before my husband passed away. The idea of living in a cookie cutter home thisclose to houses on both sides while paying $$$$ to be there makes me sick to even consider.
My partner goes back and forth between saying "we can do whatever you want and of course I want you to have your dream life" to basically disregarding that this goes against what I want so much and pretty much insinuates that I just "don't understand how good it will be" and "it will be worth it". He says we can do whatever I want but I know that is not true and we can ACTUALLY do only what his ex-partner agrees to, and they have never agreed on anything ever.
By now with all the pressure and this timeline to give notice to his landlord immediately I feel absolutely sick with anxiety. Today my partner will hand-off custody and come over to spend the week at my place and I feel like hiding under a blanket or jumping off a bridge. I have been vocal about all my concerns all along but also somewhat agreeable about considering all our options, I truly don't understand how I've ended up backed into this corner. We communicate pretty well in that I feel comfortable talking about my needs, fear etc but now with everything closing in I wonder if he's even heard or respected what I've been voicing..
I don't know if I should just go along with what he wants so badly and hope giving it a shot works out, stand my ground about remaining together but separate or end the relationship since it is now almost exclusively a cause of intense anxiety for me.
If I was to only consider myself and my family I would absolutely be planning to move abroad to a lower cost of living country following my current lease expiration. I work fully remote and this was my life-goal previous to my husband's death, delayed by his passing and COVID. I am only considering even remaining here and doing any of the above due to my relationship and his inability to do otherwise due to his custody arrangement. Sometimes I feel like the only way to be with him is to give up everything I want for what he wants instead. Further, he tells me that is not true verbally but his actions as well as just the way things are currently leads me to feel this way.
TLDR, My partner (41/M) is pressuring me (36/F) to move in together. I need advice on establishing a healthy timeline to cohabitate or is his behavior a red flag?

Have been following this sub for a while but never posted anything. Last week I saw my vomit... it was pitch black... I just laughed it off. Today I spit in my sink and it was bloody. So I just realized that I am probably dying. I don't know what it is, the drinking, smoking, the drugs... but today is the first day I realized that I don't have much time left. Black vomit and bloody spit can't be a good sign. The reason? None. My life is perfect, I have a stable job in a great company in a country that I always wanted to immigrate to since I was a kid. But I drink 0,5l of vodka almost every day and now is time to pay for it I guess.

Big thanks to u/28FFthrowaway, u/bunnybunnykitten, & u/WampaCat!
Here are the various measurements I’ve taken. There’s so many because I kept doubting if I was doing it right and took new ones every other day.
Based on all the guides I’ve read & watched, advice I’ve received, and personal experience trying bras on so far this is what I’ve determined…
I have broad roots, a shallow top, I’m fuller on the bottom, a bit bony at the sternum, I have significant MBT & underarm spillage, and to top it all off my skin can be sensitive to rougher fabrics.
I’m looking for brands & styles to try in the range from the linked chart above… sizes 32DD/DDD/E, 34C/D/DD.
As suggested elsewhere I'd like to try each bra in all these sizes, but at least 2-3 will do of course if they're not made in all of them, focusing on the 32DD & 34D.
I don’t know bra brands and styles at all so any help is so very appreciated. Especially in determining if any of the suggested bras below can accommodate wide roots with side support. That seems to have been my biggest issue when trying some on.
These are some fit suggestions I’ve been given so far…
Try a sewn cup bra in half cup, balconette, or demi cup; You need wider wires to encompass all breast tissue on the sides; Look for soft, seamed bras that specifically say “side support”; Avoid molded cups for the purpose of fitting / sizing and determining shape; Non-wired bras have a very flexible fit so are not that helpful for fit checks.
From the shallow guide… The cups should have only vertical seams, and no horizontal seams; The top edge of the cups is as close to horizontal as possible; The top edge is open (vertical), not closed (curved in towards the body).
These are the various bras that have been suggested so far in various posts I’ve read. There's notes if I tried them already.
Aerie Real Sunnie
Natori Cherry Blossom - 34D gaps in cups, 34C cups ok, mbt spillage
Natori Feathers - 34D gaps in cups
Natori refined - 32DD too tight, 34C/D/DD Wire too narrow
Freya Starlight - 34D gaps in cups
Freya Offbeat Side Support
Panache Jasmine
Panache Envy
Panache Clara
Cleo Asher
Cleo blossom
Wacoal How Perfect Wire Free T-Shirt - 34D/DD Cups too tall/full
Wacoal Side Smoother Underwire T-Shirt - 34D Cups too tall/full
Wacoal Elevated Allure Wire Free
Wacoal Elevated Allure Underwire
Wacoal Women's Back Appeal Underwire
Warner's No Side effects Underwire T-Shirt
And these are the ones suggested in the shallow guide as will most likely work
b.tempt'd Ciao Bella
Betsey Johnson Eyelet Lace Demi
Boux Avenue Chloe Lace Balconette
Claudette Sophia Icon Demi
Cleo Juna
Cleo Neve
Cleo Koko Flirty/Mode/Belle
Curvy Kate Soda Pop
Ewa Michalak
Freya Deco Moulded Soft
Freya Deco Strapless - original
Gilligan & O’Malley Lightly Lined Demi
Just Peachy Lace Padded Balconette
Lepel Fiore Padded Balconette
Lepel Fiore Padded Plunge
Natori Feathers Contour Plunge
OnlyHer Latte Plunge
OnlyHer Tabasco Plunge
Parfait Charlotte Padded Plunge
Tutti Rouge Liliana
Thanks so much bra fam!

Season Briefing "Alright Miners, listen up. The Rockpox situation just escalated. The lithophage comet has been caught in Hoxxes' orbit and is now circling the planet rather than passing by as R&D suggested. Considering the fragments of this vile rock are already doing enough damage, the consequences of allowing the comet to land on Hoxxes IV could be catastrophic. The comet's collision course with the planet is inevitable, so Management has approved the destruction of the comet in order to disperse the severity of the comet's impact. There are several mining rigs chipping away at the comet, though the task is proving difficult to say the least.
The fight against Rockpox has merely begun and we've got a lot of work to keep our planet clean. With the increased amounts of Lithophage meteorites impacting the planet, very few regions are safe from the outbreak. Most missions you embark on will have Lithophage running rampant, so stay on your toes. Additionally Rockpox has upped the ante with reports of several new lithophage-infested bugs. Expect some common threats to become a bit tougher to fight. News doesn't get much better from there as there are also reports of pure lithophage abominations. Be on the lookout for much larger parasitic baddies when cleansing the caves.
It's not all bad news however. R&D has been cooking up some new toys to help you combat the ongoing threat of Rockpox. With that said, these new toys are primarily designed to combat a particularly nasty parasite, but that's on a need-to-know basis and you don't need to know just yet. Nor will you want to know, because frankly it's some nasty stuff...
Last but not least, it is imperative that we keep the lithophage off the Space Rigs. Samples have been moved after a few outbreak reports, but the lost samples are still loose in the Rig. If you manage to find chunks of Lithophage, take them to the contaminant disposal receptacle near the drop pod and you'll be rewarded some performance points off the clock!
As always, Management sends their regards."
Synopsis Season 3 has been a blast, but it felt incomplete to some extent. Don't get me wrong, GSG did a wonderful job as always and it's very polished. It's just... Two zombies and an angry noodle? You'd think this space plague would put up more of a fight. I say it should. As much as I'd prefer a new theme, another two-parter is very welcome. The Rivals didn't need a part 2 and was likely either GSG unloading a few unfinished concepts that weren't ready in time and/or just trying to kill time while they got Season 3 ready. Season 3 on the other hand greatly benefits from a part 2.
I wrote up this literal document of ideas deadass months before the season teasers and announcement. GSG already has everything finalized, but regardless I wanted to share my ideas. Partially because I didn't want my ideas to go to waste, but mostly because I had a much darker and more grotesque vision of Rockpox with horrific mutations that leave the hosts in agony which I think are moderately better than what we got.
Hoxxes IV's condition The basic premise is that the lithophage situation has escalated and the comet is on a collision course with the planet, meaning the lithophage outbreak is spreading rapidly. In an effort to stop the outbreak once and for all, DRG has sent out mining rigs to chip away at the comet and destroy it piece by piece. As the season name implies however, the comet has been "vomiting" meteors more frequently as a result and some nastier parasites along with it, presenting cataclysmic results. In other words, DRG's efforts are resulting in a Bilious Cataclysm. While DRG attempts to destroy the comet, operatives on the planet must keep the infection at bay. That means more lithophage outbreaks and more lithophage enemies.
The main meat of the Season would be a significantly expanded roster of infected enemies and even some unique rockpox abominations made of lithophage parasites. In order to find said beasties, the Lithophage Outbreak warning is available in any biome. Obviously it'd be annoying to deal with Lithophage enemies everywhere you go, so there is still a small area on the map that has more outbreaks than others. All regions are capable of having a Lithophage Outbreak mutation but they are limited to one warning maximum. Meanwhile, epidemic zones will have two minimum and can have up to four maximum. You can encounter a very small handful of rockpox enemies on any mission (the game will decide which enemies are available in the spawn pool in the same manner as the appearance of excessive amounts of special enemies such as Exploders, Swarmers, Mactera, and Wardens) while the whole roster is limited to just epidemic zones. However, there is one exception:
The infection spreads With the outbreak worsening, Rockpox has been spreading rapidly. Not only that, but Rockpox Larvae have gone from spreading pathogens to Glyphid Grunts and Praetorians slowly through their environments to taking a figurative jump in evolution and a literal jump onto enemies. They will now actively target and infect (compatible) enemies like they do against the dwarfs. Any creature it infects will have their attributes enhanced, including both their strengths and their weaknesses. If you're unlucky enough to have a larvae find a tough host, it will turn into a Rockpox variant regardless of the spawn pool.
The Lithophage parasites have become more accustomed to Hoxxes IV's vast ecosystem and have begun burrowing into a variety of different hosts such as Glyphid Guards, Slashers, Acidspitters, and Swarmers, Mactera Spawn and Trijaws, Q'ronar Shellbacks, and even poor innocent Loot Bugs! Truly no creature is safe from this plague.
Also quick disclaimer: Use the Rockpox Grunt and Praetorian as a template for all of these enemies. All of the enemies will still have the glowing yellow cysts (weakpoints) that do critical damage when broken unless specified in the description of the enemy. Along those same lines, unless specified, all of these enemies have their normal abilities with the added Lithophage enemy stats. I say this because I'm afraid people are gonna think l'm not taking into account the fact that Rockpox-infected enemies tank 90% of all damage if you aren't aiming for the weakpoints. None of these enemies wil have only the one weakness mentioned. That's just a weakpoint special to the corresponding enemy *(e.g the Rockpox Guard has a weakpoint on the face but also has 3-4 cysts all over its body like Rockpox Grunts). There's a reason people didn't like Elites after all.
Rockpox Guard The infected Glyphid Guard has its front armor enhanced with it's face completely eviscerated with Rockpox in order to support its front armor. The front armor is impervious to damage, but is actively attached to it's face which is it's weakpoint. When it attacks, it will briefly latch onto its target and entangle them in Lithophage, rapidly infecting the target with Lithophage (increases lithophage status by 50%) before tossing them back. During this attack you can quickly kill the Guard by attacking the tendrils on its face.
Rockpox Slasher The infected Glyphid Slasher has it's sharp front legs enhanced with Rockpox. It will rapidly sprint around the room to dodge fire, before darting towards a target, quickly slashing them with it's bladed tendril arms, and then going back to dodging fire. Instead of stunning the target in place directly however, the Slasher will rapidly infect the target (increases lithophage status by 80%) which in turn can lead to indirectly stunning the target. The legs are a major weakpoint, but it's rapid movement makes it hard to hit. Whoever is targeted by the Slasher has the best opportunity to kill it due to its legs facing the target.
Rockpox Acidspitter The infected Glyphid Acidspitter has it's acidic saliva enhanced to fire three contagious Rockpox projectiles. A direct hit will immediately encase the target in Rockpox while hitting terrain will create a cloud of Rockpox to slowly infect nearby dwarfs (increases lithophage status by 15% per second, takes less than 7 seconds to ensnare them). The Acidspitter has more health than usual and behaves similarly to a Menace; it fires off a few shots before quickly repositioning with a much faster movement speed than its uninfected counterpart, though it obviously cannot burrow (comparable to how the Glyphid Spreader behaves, but more evasive).
Rockpox Swarmer Infected Glyphid Swarmers behave similarly to Rockpox Larvae. They spread infection through their attacks (increases lithophage status by 5% per hit), but do not burrow into your beard. Instead they will continuously nibble at your feet until you're helplessly ensnared in Rockpox and at their mercy. Killing Swarmers up close will result in being contaminated by the small amounts of pathogen they release (increases lithophage status by 10%, and only when killed in close proximity, the rockpox aoe does not linger).
Rockpox Exploder The infected Glyphid Exploder has enhanced their explosive tendencies to spread the infection. Instead of rapidly self-destructing, they have volatile cysts that slowly and methodically seep Lithophage pathogens by draining their blood until they die. They will remain in a stasis state until disturbed or burrow out of the ground nearby ready to strike, constantly releasing pathogens. Exploders move significantly faster than normal and will persistently breathe in your face and infect you with Rockpox once they get close enough (increases lithophage status by 20% per second when within normal detonation range) while still constantly following you.
Like normal Exploders, they are easily dispatched with just a few shots. However, like other Lithophage-infected enemies, their bodies are very strong and the cysts must be popped instead to deal significant damage. When killed, they will combust into a cloud of pathogens. As mentioned previously, the Rockpox infection will constantly drain the Exploder's health over time until they collapse. If they die of their own doing, they won't leave behind any pathogens. Once their health is depleted, they will have nothing left in their body to release.
Rockpox Oppressor The infected Oppressor has impervious armor like it's uninfected counterpart. Unlike its uninfected counterpart, their weakpoint isn't in the rear (though they are more susceptible to damage from the back) but rather in the front. Some areas of it's front armor are bloated by tumorous growths of Rockpox. These areas are weak (strength of Grunt armor) and can be broken away to reveal weakpoints. Breaking all the weakpoints shatters the front armor and reveals a grotesque wall of Rockpox. This will trigger the Oppressor to move significantly faster and attack much more quickly while seeping pathogens from it's mouth (melee attacks do not increase lithophage, but being within 3m of its mouth increases lithophage by 25% per second). Fortunately, it now has no impervious armor and cannot perform Sonic Stomp or Rage Quake.
Rockpox Spawn The infected Mactera Spawn has its abdomen enhanced with Rockpox to fire Rockpox Larvae, instantly ensnaring the target in Rockpox if it's a direct hit or alternatively releasing a Larvae onto the field if it hits terrain. Like the Rockpox Praetorian (correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure I observed this new behavior on the experimental build), it can launch larvae in conjunction with its normal projectile attacks at random intervals rather than this being a separate attack. It's abdomen is initially not a critical weakpoint, but it will unfurl it's abdomen into an appendage to launch Larvae. The appendage can be destroyed to disable it from launching Larvae and deal critical damage to the Spawn, similarly to a Goobomber.
If the Spawn dies with the appendage still intact, it may perform one final gruesome attack by extending it's abdomen appendage up to it's mouth, horrifically reaching down it's throat, ripping out a bundle of spines, and tossing them vaguely in the direction of dwarves at a rapid speed as the poor Spawn helplessly flails through the sky and crashes to the ground like a Goobomber.
Rockpox Trijaw The infected Mactera Trijaw has it's abdomen enhanced like the infected Spawn, as well as it's projectiles. The Trijaw's projectiles will release pathogens on impact (increases lithophage status by 10% per second) and inject large amounts of Rockpox into targets if they hit directly (increases lithophage status by 70%). Like the Spawn, it will unfurl its abdomen to launch Larvae, however it will launch 2-3 at a time in quick succession. The appendage again can be destroyed to disable its Larvae throw attack and deal critical damage.
And once again, if the Trijaw dies with the appendage still intact, it may perform a final gruesome attack by extending it's appendage outwards, straightening it into a sharp spear, piercing the Trijaw's throat, causing the Trijaw to wail in horror and spew a barrage of projectiles out of it's mouth as the poor Trijaw flails through the sky before crashing to the ground.
Rockpox Shellback The infected Q'ronar Shellback has it's body enhanced head-to-toe in Rockpox, nullifying it's typical form of attack of rolling around a room attempting to ram it's prey. The Shellback's primary form of attack is instead it's Acid Spit attack which it will use to fire acidic bile that lingers on the ground. This bile will both slowly infect organisms (increases lithophage status by 5% per second) and dissolve their flesh. Alternatively instead of firing acidic pools of bile, the Shellback can let out a horrific gargling screech as it regurgitates dozens of Larvae out of it's mouth for several seconds. Unlike most infected organisms, there are no cysts on the outside of the body. Instead, a mass of Lithophage has grown out of the Shellback's mouth, meaning you have to attack while it attacks. On death, the Shellback will drool a pool of acidic bile.
Furthermore, the Lithophage pathogens have become more viral and deadly to the more common Grunts and Praetorians. Reports have miraculously identified grotesque proxies of the Lithophage infection; helplessly transformed after prolonged exposure to the parasites into cyst-coated rockpox delivery boys designed only to spread the virus. Stay on your toes and keep a puke bucket at the ready...
New anti-Lithophage equipment The situation may seem grim, but fortunately R&D has been cooking up some goodies to make exterminating the Rockpox Plague easier: the LithoGauge and the RAIL Cannon (Rebuke Artillery Ionizing Lithophage Cannon). The LithoGauge is a modification to the Laser Pointer that identifies what kind of Lithophage threat you're dealing with. Aiming at Rockpox will show a gauge underneath the targeted surface and slowly fill the gauge as it gathers information. The LithoGauge will only gather 33-50% of the outbreak data per infected area, meaning you'll have to scan all of them (if there's only one, it'll automatically be filled).
Once the gauge is filled, the Lithophage meteorites will be visible on the map and active cysts growing on Lithophage terrain will be visible to more easily locate and remove rockpox from the environment. Similarly, you can also scan a lithophage meteorite fragment to locate all other fragments in the area. Additionally, the LithoGauge can identify anomalies in Lithophage meteorite crash zones which is important for identifying a particularly nasty parasitic biomass that has been showing up recently. It's also what the railgun is for, but we'll get into that in a bit...
An evolving menace As mentioned, the Lithophage parasites are rapidly evolving and adapting to their new home. Parasites are growing larger and more deadly. Like their predecessors, they all are devoted to spreading the plague and stopping us from exterminating it. And in order for them to evolve into abominable monstrosities they must use a host organism as a cocoon. As mentioned previously, the short-ranged airborne Lithophage pathogen has been evolving to more strongly affect hosts. Those hosts are what evolve into larger parasites should they remain undisturbed.
Rockpox Grunt Envoy A grotesquely mutated Glyphid Grunt covered in a mass of cysts and tendrils. After prolonged exposure to lithophage parasites, these infected grunts have grown large masses of rockpox across their entire bodies and have no purpose other than to spread the infection as well as fertilize proxy host organisms. While idle, they will occasionally vomit up larvae with a mist trail following them, allowing you to notice when an Envoy is in the cave. If another envoy is nearby, it will approach and share pheromones and pathogens, fertilizing the organism. Since its covered head to toe in cysts, it's rather easy to dispatch. However, if it manages to get within 5m of a dwarf, it will immediately project a mass of tendrils at the target, wrap itself around them, and instantly down them before combusting, leaving a dangerous mist on the player.
Attempting to revive the dwarf will result in the rescuer being rapidly infected with lithophage (increases lithophage status by 40% per second) with an on-screen notification warning the rescuer to "Cure your teammate or wait out the infection." Meanwhile, the downed player has a timer visible on screen and over their player icon on the hud showing how long they have to wait for the infection to pass. To revive the player, you must either cure them via the LithoFoamer and LithoVac, wait out the mist for the infection to pass, or bypass the rapid infection via the Field Medic perk or a full team reviving the player simultaneously (for solo games, Bosco will ignore the timer).
Rockpox Praetorian Envoy A grotesquely mutated Glyphid Praetorian covered in a mass of cysts and tendrils. These praetorians serve as mobile cocoons for larvae to use to evolve into larger threats. While idle, they will wander around vomiting up larvae with a mist trail following them, allowing you to notice when an Envoy is in the cave. If it notices a dwarf, it will either quickly flee and burrow once out of sight to protect it's larvae or try to attack.
If it targets a player, it will beeline for them, starting at default movement speed but exponentially speeding up to as fast as Trawler. Similarly to the Grunt Envoy, it's much weaker than its uninfected counterpart, with as much health as a Glyphid Guard. If it manages to approach a dwarf, it will vomit a mass of tendrils to briefly strangle the target before downing them instantly and leaving behind a mist over the player. Like the Grunt Envoy, this makes the downed player a trap to others if they try to revive them before the infection is cleared. Unlike the Grunt Envoy, the Praetorian has a larger purpose to the parasites so it will either continue fighting or burrow away. If it spawns with a group of enemies, it will never burrow away. On death, it will either leave behind a swarm of parasites in addition to a contagious cloud of Lithophage or transform into a Lithophage Bellower (more on that further down).
Rockpox Loot Bug Envoy Though most creatures targeted by the Lithophage parasites are naturally hostile and aggressive making them perfect hosts to spread the plague, they've been infecting the helpless unsuspecting Loot Bug of all things. Infected Loot Bugs will behave normally with the only giveaway sign that they are infected being their desaturated skin tone and glowing cysts... as well as occasionally pausing to adorably sneeze like a sick kitten.
Unlike the other two Envoys, Loot Bug Envoys can serve both as carriers of the disease as well as cocoons for parasites to metamorphose within. So depending on their state of infection, they will do one of two things when attacked. If the infection is still early, the Loot Bug will simply drop gold and nitra, 1-2 parasites, and occasionally a plagueheart. If the infection is farther along (which is a very rare occurrence), the Loot Bug will immediately react to the damage by horrifically transforming into a Lithophage Bellower (more on that below).
If the parasites are able to complete their metamorphosis within the host, they will transform into one of five monstrosities:
Rockpox Grouser An impenetrable vine-like parasite that stretches down from the ceiling, announcing its approach with a loud creaking noise and distorted cackling. It will stare at its target for a few seconds before exhaling lithophage fumes onto the dwarf for 5 seconds. While it's mouth is open, you can do critical damage to it. Alternatively, you can also power attack it to cause it to cough and reveal its mouth earlier, but it will softly thrash its head back and forth making it more difficult to hit. Once its head is destroyed, the vine portion of the parasite will whip around wildly spewing blood-like fluid before rapidly retracting back into the ceiling and bursting once retracted.
Rockpox Quicksand A collective body of parasites that hides in rockpox terrain. It's invulnerable and nearly undetectable, with it's only telltale sign being it shifting briefly and releasing spores, until approached. When activated, it will writhe wildly, begin to glow, and reach tendrils towards dwarfs that are within 10m. Once targeted, it will follow the target for up to 30m.
Quicksand will either quickly whip a tendril at a target, knocking the target back as well as stunning it when it touches the ground, or latch onto and quickly drag them back to the Quicksand to be consumed. When grabbed, all equipment is disabled except for your pickaxe in which three hits or a power attack will free you and stun the tendril temporarily. If the tendril drags you all the way back to the Quicksand, you cannot escape and need to be rescued by another teammate. If no target is within 10m, it will simply writhe until a new target approaches. The tendrils have their own individual health and can be killed. The quicksand itself must be damaged in order to kill it. Once killed, it will liquify, bubble briefly, then dissipate into a cloud of toxic fumes.
Rockpox Deacon A large mass of parasites that has a chance to spawn from a larvae pod in place of a normal parasite. It will release a shockwave of lithophage that heavily increases lithophage status upon spawning. The Deacon will idly wander around at first. Once encountering a dwarf or being attacked, it will unhinge a large pair of jaws from the top of it's body, roaring wickedly to summon a small swarm of lithophage-infected enemies and briefly unveiling a writhing mass of glowing tendrils. Similarly to the Warden, you can kill the Deacon early on while it's still on it's own and weak, with the glowing tendrils being it's only weakspot that takes critical damage. Once it stops roaring, it will hide it's weakpoint, becoming heavily resistant to damage with it's outer armor shell, and approach the nearest dwarf. The only way to damage the Deacon after the war cry is by chipping away it's shell like any other armor plating on an enemy.
If it reaches a dwarf, it will latch onto them and take over all movement leaving the player helpless unless they have Heightened Senses. The player can resist the Deacon's influence by spamming A and D which will not only slow the Deacon down and throw off their aim but will break some of the Deacon's armor. The Deacon will ride the dwarf around firing their primary or secondary weapons for up to a minute until the host runs out of ammo or dies before seeking a new host. This of course means teammates will be forced to risk shooting their captured teammate both to save the teammate and eliminate the immediate threat. Deacons will not spawn in solo or in empty lobbies.
Rockpox Bellower An immature parasite interrupted during it's metamorphosis, it's body consists of an indistinguishable writhing mass of tendrils. It will rarely spawn in place of a Praetorian or Loot Bug Envoy's death. The Bellower will release an endless stream of parasites, draining it's health as body mass is lost. Once it's health gets low enough, either from spawning parasites or taking damage from the player, it will sprout long appendages and begin fleeing while bellowing loudly, summoning infected enemies to aid it. If it manages to get far enough away, it will burrow away. If you kill it before then however, it will trip and land on it's head kicking it's legs wildly, before finally combusting violently; shooting it's long limbs across the cave, dropping 3-5 plaguehearts, and converting terrain in a 5m radius around it into inert rockpox.
Rockpox Stalwart A stone biomass held together by lithophage that guards infected areas and serves as an alternative to the typical cleaning mechanics of infected areas. Unlike it's lesser kin, the Stalwart is incredibly powerful on it's own. While every other contagion spike is protected by an army, the Stalwart IS the army and then some. Unlike normal contagion spikes, the Stalwart is directly linked to the upkeep of the contagion zone and must be defeated in order to decontaminate the area. No amount of soap and water is going to clean up this mess.
Similarly to a Dreadnought, it has two large health bars, a shell and a core, that must both be depleted one at a time to defeat it. The Stalwart's shell is highly resistant to all damage except for Explosive, Armor Breaking, and Temperature Shock, and is weak to Rockpox Repellent Energy (more on that below) and Melee damage. Once it's shell is destroyed, it will reveal it's lithophage innards holding it together that can be damaged by any damage type. The general jist of things is that this enemy is incredibly powerful and difficult to defeat. It doesn't play nice by any means and that's the point. You MUST be prepared.
In order to combat this insane menace that'd bring a Glyphid Menace to tears, R&D has cooked up a powerful antibiotic formula that has a very destructive effect on Rockpox. Dubbed "Rockpox Repellant Energy," or R2 for short, this concoction has a similar effect to radiation, separating cells on the atomic level and dissolving most organic matter, Rockpox in particular, on the spot. It's so powerful that most Rockpox organisms can't survive even the smallest dosage (one shots EVERYTHING with Rockpox in their name). Of course there's one exception: the organism that's taken it's name literally and has its organic mass covered in stalwart stone (hence the name Stalwart).
Instead of calling a cleansing pod, you will call a RAIL Cannon Armory pod with special railgun weapons loaded with R2 energy used to fight the Stalwart. Be warned: these monsters aren't impenetrable and can be taken down by conventional means just as well as they can with R2 energy. These railguns are a privilege not a requirement, and frankly this stuff ain't cheap, so you only get one RAIL Armoury pod, two railguns, and two refills. The railguns have a limited ammo capacity and can only be refilled as long as spare energy is available in the pod. Make it count!
The Stalwart will emit gargling moans that echo throughout the cave like BET-C's distress beacon to announce it's presence. When approached or damaged, it will awaken unfurling into a gorilla-like posture before slamming the ground angrily and beginning its attack.
It has three phases: Incursive, Offensive, and Vulnerable. It will initiate its attack with either Incursive or Offensive.
During Incursive, it will gallop towards targets, or slowly crawl if climbing a vertical or ceiling surface. Once it reaches it's target, it will raise it's arms for 2 seconds before quickly slamming it's full dead weight onto the dwarf, dealing an incredibly dangerous blow to the target if it lands directly and heavy damage and knockback to anything else nearby. It will not shift targets and will continuously pursuing it's target for up to 30 seconds. Once it either reaches its target or gives up pursuit, it will switch to Offensive.
During Offensive, it will perform one of three abilities before returning to the Incursive phase: Guard, Rupture, or Scream.
When Guarding, it will raise it's fists in front of it, becoming 50% resistant to attacks from the front and regenerating up to 50% of it's shell health, and face the nearest player. While it becomes resistant in the front, it will become 50% vulnerable to all damage and 20% more vulnerable to it's weaknesses, both from behind, for the duration of the Guard ability.
When Rupturing, it will briefly plant itself into the ground and consecutively release 15 shockwaves of lithophage in different directions. The lithophage shockwaves will knockback dwarfs and heavily increase lithophage status. When it launches the shockwaves, it will become 80% vulnerable to all damage and 50% more vulnerable to it's weaknesses for the duration of the Rupture attack. Additionally, firing an aoe blast at it with the railgun will stun it and interrupt the attack, destroying the shockwaves in their tracks. The attack lasts only a few seconds, so there is a very short window to attack it.
When Screaming, it will roar at players for several seconds, releasing 7-12 parasites from it's mouth. Similarly to the Grouser, you can shoot it in the mouth to deal critical damage, damaging both the shell and the core. One impact blast from the railgun to the mouth will drop 2/3 of it's shell health and 1/10 of it's core health.
Once you destroy the shell, it will enter it's Vulnerable phase. The Stalwart will collapse for several seconds, falling off walls and ceilings if it enters the phase from that position, and reveal lithophage innards between it's shoulders, neck, and belly that can be damaged to deplete it's core health. It will then release lithophage fumes from all four weakpoints that heal small amounts of its core health. Damaging a weakpoint will disable the healing ability for a few seconds, meaning attacking each weakpoint equally will stop the Stalwart from healing outright for the duration of the Vulnerable phase.
Additionally, if you used a railgun at any point before the Vulnerable phase, the Stalwart will synthesize the energy into a resistance and create a protective field around it's weakpoints. If you fire a railgun at any of the weakpoints, it will reflect the blast, drain the railgun of it's ammo, and deal significant electric damage. You will have to decide if spending the railgun is worth it before the Vulnerable phase as you won't be able to use it during the Vulnerable phase until the next attacking phase if used prematurely; a simple but precarious dynamic to keep in mind. If the Stalwart isn't defeated during the Vulnerable phase, it will regain it's shell health and return to one of the two other phases.
Once defeated it will writhe wildly for several seconds, launching lithophage projectiles in a radius around it and emiting lithophage fumes in a large radius around it, before finally blasting apart and releasing a shockwave that cleanses the surrounding area and kills all lithophage in the area. If you are covered in lithophage during the shockwave, you will be instantly downed. You will be rewarded with 3-5 plaguehearts and multiple chunks of gold and nitra when it is destroyed.
Keeping the Space Rig Clean Last but certainly not least, after all the hell and destruction unfolding on the planet, you still aren't safe on the Space Rig. If you recall, R&D was housing several samples of Lithophage on the Space Rig. Likewise, I imagine you remember tapping on the tanks like children at an aquarium? Well turns out that it wasn't such a good idea because several samples were reportedly missing, meaning we have some stowaways on board. It was already hard enough to keep track of the samples that got out on their own accord, so keeping track of ones that escaped because "you hairy moronic midgets couldn't stop mucking with the damn biotanks," Management's words not mine, is gonna be even harder.
With that said, R&D has developed a simple contaminant disposal receptacle to toss any Lithophage gunk you find on the ship. Lithophage will randomly spawn in different nooks and crannies all over the Space Rig, hell the main area will look like the aftermath of a college party with how much junk lines the floor. And because you likely need some actual incentive, for every few chunks of Lithophage you throw away you'll get a reward ranging from credits to phasyonite to even overclocks and cosmetics.
Conclusion With all that said, it's clear that it'll take a village to keep our planet clean. So pull up your sleeves, slap on some gloves, pick your cleaning utensil of choice (guns included), and let's get to work, Miners!

When The Car was released, I felt Hello You was straight away the catchiest and most accessible song (along with Body Paint), absolutely clicked with me on the first listen. Over seven months since the album came out and still find myself going back to it repeatedly – and I'm sure plenty feel the same. It's a real gem from start to finish with the awesome percussion, the insanely catchy riff, and that epic crescendo and outro. The whole thing is a perfect encapsulation of what makes them great.
But the band have been touring for around 10 months now and it remains one of only two of the new tracks (along with Jet Skis) not to be played live. I get that it's not the most straightforward song, and the strings play a really key part on the studio version, but I'm amazed that they haven't yet incorporated it into their live sets. Especially considering they've played some of the more low key tracks from The Car like Perfect Sense, Mr Schwartz (albeit only once) and the title track. Feels like it would be such a crowd pleaser, as it bridges the transition brilliantly between their older and newer material.
We've seen plenty of surprises this tour with the likes of Flourescent Adolescent and Mardy Bum returning from the wilderness, so I suppose there's still a chance with plenty more gigs to come...but I'm starting to wonder whether Hello You will remain on the shelf as one of those tracks we never get to hear live.
Any thoughts? Still hopeful that this masterpiece will see the light of day eventually?

1. Oldest son just graduated with a degree in computer science, has a 6-figure offer from a fortune 100, and is starting his masters this fall.
   
2. Daughter is crushing it at one of the most prestigious art and design schools in the country.
   
3. Another son is a D1 athlete and crushing it academically
   
4. Youngest is in high school, straight A student, athletic, emotionally intelligent, respectful and kind. Aspires to great things.
   

3 different East Coast universities, breaking the cycle of BYU. None will ever pay a penny in tithing.
The last decade+ has been the best for us financially, after living paycheck to paycheck and paying tithing for so long. Things are by no means perfect, but here's the deal: none of our children was asked by a creepy older man if he/she masturbates, and none raced off to BYU to get married, and none wasted their time and money being a sales rep for a hedge fund masquerading as a church.
So, Elder Ballard.... Where did we go? We peaced the hell out of your shit system into a place of thriving, success, and freedom. See ya!!

For a long time, I thought there was no greater feeling of dread than clocking into a job you hate. Three days a week after school and every other weekend, there I was, standing in front of the time clock at Sunset Grove. By the time I was sixteen, my parents told me that I had to find a job and start working. Unfortunately, there weren’t many options for a sixteen-year-old looking for work in Driftwood. It was either fast food, retail, or a retirement home. For whatever reason, I chose the retirement home.
It’s not that I had a problem with starting work at that age, it’s just that scrubbing pureed vegetables and mashed potatoes off fifty plates a night, with the cook yelling over my shoulder to pick up the pace, wasn’t exactly fulfilling work. The pocket money was nice, though. There’s nothing better than being a teenager with almost nothing but disposable income.
I watched the digital clock tick over from 3:59 to 4:00, begrudgingly typed in my employee ID, and made my way to the kitchen. As always, there was a stack of dishes left over from the shift before mine that would leave me playing catch-up for the rest of the night.
Becca, a thirty-something waitress with pale skin and a slim figure, swept through the doors as I was working through my stack. She was the only member of the wait staff I knew who could manage to keep a sunny disposition no matter how bad the day got.
Her shoulders seemed to relax a little when she saw me. “Hey, Arty, I need glasses.”
“Got it,” I replied.
“Thank you!” she said in a sing-song voice as she picked up a tub of silverware and rushed back out the doors. The wait staff was always in a rush this time of day. They only had about a half-hour to set the tables before some of the early-birds started showing up for dinner.
I loaded a tray with glasses and sent them through the commercial steam washer to my left, pulling the hood down with a heavy metal clunk. Once they were done, Becca came through and took the tray out to the dining room.
Before long, the cook began setting out room service trays. I never understood why it was the dishwasher’s job to deliver room service, but nevertheless, I began loading the trays into my cart. Most room service orders came from the same residents, which meant I’d long since worked out the most efficient way to load the cart. As I was loading, I noticed one of my regulars, room 2H, was missing. It could have been that she just decided to have dinner in the dining room today, but as long as I’d been working at Sunset Grove, I’d never known 2H to have dinner anywhere but her room.
As I walked down the hallway past 2H, I realized why. There on the door was a small laminated sign with a photo of the woman who’d lived in 2H.
Lilith Holmes 1928 - 2014
That was it. Just a name and a pair of dates. Not even a “Rest in Peace.” But it got the point across. I felt a tinge of guilt at the fact that I hadn’t known the woman’s name. I’d been working at Sunset Grove for a year, and I still referred to most of the residents by their room numbers.
This wasn’t the first of these types of signs I’d seen. There had been two or three deaths in the past year, each one memorialized with a cheap laminated sign that would be taken down after a week or two. It may sound callous, but I was never bothered by the deaths. They were simply a fact of life working in a place full of people entering the final phase of their lives. It helped that I didn’t make much effort to get close to the residents. I never wanted this place to bleed into what I considered to be my real life, so whenever I was at Sunset Grove, I was in “work mode.” I would put on a kind face, greet coworkers and residents with a smile, and otherwise speak only when spoken to. It was easier that way.
​
Room 2H stayed empty for a month. The sign, as they always do, disappeared after a while. I wondered if that meant they’d already cleaned out all of Mrs. Holmes’s belongings or if they were still entombed behind that locked door.
Eventually, the day came that I had a room service tray for room 2H again. It seemed so sudden. I hadn’t heard anything about a new resident moving in. I shrugged it off and loaded the tray onto my cart, thinking it must have happened on one of my days off. I hoped the new tenant wouldn’t be a handful. I may not have known Mrs. Holmes well, but she was always nice and courteous to me when I brought her her food. It’s more than I could say for some of the other residents.
I rode the elevator up to the second floor. Room 2H was my second stop from there. I knocked and pushed open the door into the dimly lit room. The blinds were all drawn, and there was only a single table lamp turned on in the corner across the room. I could see the new tenant sitting in a recliner on the opposite wall. It was a woman, with curled white hair that fell to her hunched shoulders. In the dark, I couldn’t make out her face, but her form was familiar. As I got closer, I realized it was Mrs. Holmes sitting in the chair.
I faltered. “I... have your dinner here for you, ma’am,” I stammered.
“Oh, good,” she said. “Set it on the table here, dear.” Her tone was jovial like always, though it felt strained. As if she were forcing it.
I set the tray down on the end table beside her. As she turned to look at it, her eyes seemed to catch the tiny amount of light in the room and glowed for a split second.
“Thank you,” she chimed.
“You’re welcome,” I said, turning on my heel and heading for the door.
I stopped by the second floor nurse’s station on my way down the hall and found Ted inside. He was a middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair, known around the facility for his eccentric taste in scrubs. Today’s were navy blue with a messy pattern of stars. Ted was the only nurse I knew by name, mostly because he gave me no other choice. It was common knowledge at Sunset Grove that if Ted wanted to chat you up, there was nothing you could do to stop it.
“Hey, Ted,” I said, poking my head around the door.
“Arthur!” he called, sitting back in his chair. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I saw Mrs. Holmes is back,” I said. “What happened? Why was she gone?”
“Sorry, bud, I shouldn’t really be gossiping about that.”
“I understand. It’s just... there was that sign on her door a while ago. I thought she died.”
“Oh, that,” Ted laughed. “That was a little misunderstanding. But as you saw, she’s alive and well.”
“Right,” I said. “I should go. I’ve still got a cart full of meals to deliver.”
“Best not keep ‘em waiting!” Ted joked as I left the nurse’s station.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Mrs. Holmes for the remainder of my shift that night. How could the nurses make such a drastic mistake, confusing a resident for dead? And where exactly had Mrs. Holmes been for the past month? At the hospital? With family? The whole thing irked me more than it probably should have. I didn’t like thinking about this place during my time off, but thoughts of Mrs. Holmes stuck with me all week.
I delivered room service to her the rest of the week. Each time I entered 2H, the blinds were drawn, the room kept dark. As always, I set her tray down on the end table next to the recliner, she thanked me, and I moved on to the next room.
The next stop on my route was 2K, Ms. Ganz, whose name I only knew because she had a reputation around the building for being very outwardly spoken. There was rarely a week that went by where I wasn’t overhearing the nurses laughing about something Ms. Ganz had said that day.
Most days, Ms. Ganz left her door open. I knocked anyway and passed through the open frame. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, rubbing her temples before she looked up and saw me.
“Set it down right there,” she instructed, pointing to the rolling TV stand where she took her dinner every day.
I did as she said and set the food down on the stand, forcing a smile for good measure. She scooted off the bed and hobbled over to the chair to sit down. I pushed the stand closer to her and lowered it down so she could reach. She examined the tray, then picked up the pudding cup and handed it to me.
“You take that,” she said. “I don’t need it.”
“That’s alright,” I protested. “I don’t need it either.”
Ms. Ganz pawning her desserts off on me was beginning to become a habit. As I tried to set the pudding cup back on the tray, she pushed it back toward me. It clearly wasn’t a fight I was going to win, so I relented and accepted the pudding.
Ms. Ganz got to work preparing her coffee, which she had with every meal. I always loaded her tray with three creams and three sugars, but I’d learned in time to wait until she finished mixing before I left because, more often than not, she’d ask for more.
“Is this decaf?” she asked.
“That’s right,” I said.
She grumbled. “I need caffeine. People keeping me up all night. Knocking on my door.”
“Knocking on your door?”
“Middle of the night,” Ms. Ganz exclaimed. “They come, they knock, I open the door, and they’re gone. My family doesn’t pay $2000 a month for me to get pranked all night long.”
“Have you talked to the nurses about it?” I asked.
She snorted. “They’re probably the ones doing it.” Ms. Ganz winced and reached for her forehead. “Now, I’ve had this headache all day thanks to them.”
“Sorry about that. I hope you feel better,” I said as I made my way out of the room.
It became apparent very quickly Ms. Ganz wasn’t the only resident dealing with these problems. I overheard the nurses talking about multiple residents on the second floor complaining about someone knocking on their door at night. It only got worse throughout the week, with even more residents complaining. There were more complaints of headaches, too. Some residents even started exhibiting symptoms of fever.
When I came to serve Ms. Ganz her dinner a week later, her door was shut. I knocked and turned the handle. It wasn’t locked, so I went inside. Ms. Ganz was lying in bed, a fresh sheen of sweat shimmering in the light across her forehead. She hadn’t even touched her lunch. I quietly swapped the trays, trying not to disturb her and tip-toed out of the room, stopping by the nurses’ station before I got back to work. Ted was there again, wearing a loud, floral-patterned set of scrubs this time.
“Hey, Ted, is Ms. Ganz alright?” I asked.
“She’s just a little under the weather,” he said. “She’s not the only one. There’s some kind of bug going around.”
Ted scooted his chair across the room and pulled something out of a box. He tossed me a medical mask.
“You should probably wear one of these while you’re goin’ into rooms,” he said.
I nodded and put the mask on, leaving Ted to his work. There were four more residents laid up in bed on the second floor. Weirdly, no one on the first or third floor seemed to be affected.
Things only seemed to get worse as the days went on. More and more residents were laid up with fevers. Soon enough, no one on the second floor was healthy enough to go to the dining room, which meant my room service runs were getting longer by the day. Now that I had to deliver trays to every room on the second floor, there was no way I could get it done on my own, but even with Becca helping me with runs, I was still clocking out of work an hour late most nights.
As we rolled the cart up to room 2H, Becca hesitated.
“Do you mind getting this one?” she asked.
I raised an eyebrow. “Sure.”
I had no problem bringing Mrs. Holmes her food. What caught me off guard was the way Becca seemed to give the room a wide berth as we passed and the trepidation in her voice as she spoke.
“Thanks, Arty,” Becca said. “Something about her just creeps me out. Don’t you feel that?”
“It’s a little weird how she sits in the dark all the time,” I admitted, “but I wouldn’t call it creepy.”
“So brave,” Becca teased. “I’ll bring Ms. Ganz her tray and meet you down the hall.”
“Sounds good.”
I knocked on the door and went into 2H. As expected, Mrs. Holmes was seated in her recliner with the blinds drawn and the single lamp on in the corner. Sometimes I wondered if she ever even moved from that spot.
“How are you feeling, Mrs. Holmes?” I asked through the medical mask I was now required to wear at all times while on the second floor.
“Are you a nurse now?” She asked. Her tone seemed intended to be joking, but it came across more accusatory.
“No, it’s just that we can’t seem to get rid of this bug going around. I was just curious if you were still feeling alright.”
“I’m fine,” she said flatly.
Mrs. Holmes was the only resident on the second floor who wasn’t sick. The bug hadn’t spread to any of the staff members either. A thought occurred to me.
“Have you heard anyone knocking on your door at night?” I asked.
Mrs. Holmes’s eyes shot to mine, momentarily glowing in the light as they had once before. She stared at me with wide eyes that seemed to be studying me.
Finally, her tight lips peeled apart and she simply said, “I have not.”
Suddenly, I understood why Becca hadn’t wanted to come in here. I could feel the goose flesh spreading across my arm and a shiver run down my spine. I didn’t want to linger here any longer than I had to.
“Have a good night,” I said, mimicking my usual tone, before hustling out of the room.
I grabbed the cart and pushed it quickly down the hall toward Ms. Ganz’s room where I would find Becca, but as I rounded the corner, I saw a crowd of nurses surrounding the door. Becca was standing off to the side, a distraught look on her face.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I went in to give her her food,” Becca choked out. “Her eyes were open, so I thought she was awake. So, I asked her if she had enough cream and sugar for her coffee, but she didn’t respond.”
“Oh no,” I realized.
“That’s never happened to me before,” Becca said. “I’ve never seen one of them after... after they died. Sorry, Arty, I need to take five. Do you think you can finish this yourself today?”
“That’s fine. I’ve got it.”
Becca laid her hand on my shoulder as she walked away, her other hand combing through her hair.
Becca didn’t come in the next day. With the wait staff being short handed, I had to do the room service deliveries myself. I hesitated before going into 2H, but when I reached for the handle, I was relieved to find that it was locked. Some of the nurses must have been inside, so I left the tray by the door and went on my way.
As I passed by Ms. Ganz’s room, I saw the sign.
Mallory Ganz 1939 - 2014
She was about ten years younger in the photo, smiling next to her daughter. I felt a tug inside my gut and suddenly realized I wanted to know what was happening. Where was this sickness coming from? Why wasn’t it affecting the residents on the first or third floors or the staff? And why was Mrs. Holmes the only resident on the second floor who was still healthy?
I finished delivering trays and stashed the cart in the corner. I figured I had at least ten more minutes before my boss would start wondering where I was, so I found Ted in the nurse’s station.
“Hey, Ted, are you busy?” I asked.
“Never not busy, Arthur,” he grinned. “What can I do for you?”
“You’ve heard the residents complaining about someone knocking on their doors at night, right? Do you have any idea what that might be about?”
He sighed. “Yeah, I’ve heard all about it. Best I can figure, it’s someone screwin’ around on the night shift.”
“Well, there are cameras, right? Couldn’t we find out who’s doing it?”
Ted’s brow furled. “Why are you so interested?”
“I don’t know,” I lied. “I guess it’s just that, whoever it was, they were bothering Ms. Ganz. I thought maybe we could find them and get them to stop to, like, honor her in a way.”
Ted pushed an office chair toward me with his foot. “Sit down a minute. I’ll pull up the footage.”
“Thank you.”
I sat down and watched Ted scrub through last night’s security footage. It was strange seeing the hallway so empty. During the daytime hours, there were constantly nurses or housekeepers coming up and down the halls, but at night, they were dead.
Suddenly, there was a flash of movement on the screen. Ted let go of the mouse and let the footage play out in real-time. I felt my chest tighten as I recognized the figure on the screen. Mrs. Holmes. I watched her walk down the hall, moving with an unnatural weightlessness for her age. She stopped in front of Ms. Ganz’s room and knocked on the door. Then, all of a sudden, she just faded away.
I leaned in closer to the screen. Ted sat upright in his chair.
“Was that a glitch?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he said. “The timecode looks normal, but it must’ve been. Either way, I guess we know who’s been causin’ trouble at night. I’ll have a word with Mrs. Holmes.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I blurted out.
Ted looked at me quizzically. I didn’t know how to explain it, but I knew something was off about Mrs. Holmes. There was no telling what would happen if someone confronted her, but how was I supposed to convince Ted of that?
“Sorry,” I said. “Thanks for the help, Ted.”
I left the nurse’s station without saying another word. I could only hope that my initial warning would be enough to make Ted hesitate until I could figure out what to do next.
My heart dropped when I couldn’t find Ted the next day. He was always there. Every single weekday, he was there.
None of the other nurses had seen him either. Apparently, he hadn’t called out sick or anything. As far as anyone knew, he simply hadn’t shown up for work. But I knew better. I knew he’d gone and talked to Mrs. Holmes, and she’d done something to him. Could he still be there, inside room 2H? Was he still alive? Had he mentioned me?
I worked the first hour of my shift constantly looking over my shoulder. By 5:00, the cook started lining up room service trays. I was on my own again. Apparently, Becca was taking some time off after what she’d been through. I couldn’t blame her, but I found myself desperately wishing I didn’t have to be alone.
My heart thumped with dread every step I took toward room 2H. I prayed the door would be locked again, but no such luck. I pushed the door open slowly and let the light from the hall flood into the dim room. Mrs. Holmes was in her recliner, but as I got closer, I noticed her eyes were shut. She was asleep.
I set the tray down quietly and made for the door, but before I left, I felt curiosity tug me back. I wanted to know what happened to Ted. If there was any trace of him in the room, this might be my only chance to find it.
I inched heel-toe back through the entryway and into the bedroom. I found an antique lamp on the nightstand and flipped it on, bathing the room in a hazy yellow light. The room was pristine, not even a crease in the bedding. I didn’t know what I was looking for. Blood? A body? Just anything that would confirm the insane thoughts that were running through my mind.
I moved to the bathroom, but, like the bedroom, it was spotless. I checked every inch of it, even getting down on my hands and knees to inspect the bath mat for blood stains. I was starting to feel like a lunatic. Maybe everything that was happening was exactly what it seemed, and the rest of it was all just in my head.
Feeling a little ridiculous, I stepped out of the bathroom, gently closing the door behind me.
“What were you doing in there?” Mrs. Holmes’s voice was sharp and sent a jolt of fear through my body.
I turned and saw her standing in the corner by her recliner. She looked tall—her shoulders not slumped like usual, and her eyes were glowing in the light again.
I didn’t know what to say. “S-sorry,” I spat out, then hurried for the door. Mrs. Holmes stood motionless, watching me go.
Thanks to my little investigation, dinner was nearly over by the time I got back to the kitchen, and there was a mountain of dishes waiting for me by the sink. I shook off the unsettling thoughts plaguing my mind and got to work. It was going to be another late night, and it only got worse when the cook brought over a stack of burnt pans that would take ages of scrubbing to get clean.
It was nearly an hour past the end of my shift by the time I’d finally finished all the dishes. The wait staff had clocked out thirty minutes ago. That was fine. I was used to being the last one in the kitchen. It was the dishwasher’s job to clean the floors at the end of the night after everyone else had gone home. That night, though, I should have been scared, but the weight of being alone hadn’t hit me yet. My mind was too preoccupied with work.
I finished mopping the floor, meaning all that was left was to take the trash out to the dumpster. I gathered up all the bags and took them out into the hallway, then out the back door. I set the bags down and propped the door open with a pen. After 8:00, the building locked down, and I would need a keycard to get back in, something the facility didn’t grant to dishwashers.
I hoisted the garbage bags into the dumpster and turned back toward the building. Before I could even take a step back toward the door, though, I heard it clunk into place. I ran over and tugged on the handle. Locked. I’d have to walk all the way around the building and come in the front entrance, probably scaring the hell out of the secretary at the reception desk, who certainly wouldn’t be expecting anyone to come in at this hour.
Crickets chirped loudly in the fields around the parking lot as I rounded the building. There was no one at the reception desk when I walked in. The secretary was probably out having a cigarette somewhere. I walked through the dining room and back into the kitchen, letting the door swing freely behind me. I heard it brush across the frame once, twice, then suddenly stop. I didn’t think much of it until I heard a knock on the door.
My heart froze, fear tightening an ice-cold grip around my throat. I turned and, through the window, saw a pair of glowing eyes on the other side of the door. Ever so slowly, the door started to push inward as Mrs. Holmes crept inside. I felt like I should have screamed in that moment, but nothing came to me. It felt as though my lungs had completely deflated at the sight of her.
She stepped toward me. I stepped back until I felt my back press against the counter behind me. I wanted to run, but something told me I couldn’t outrun whatever was standing in front of me. My hands reached onto the counter and felt for anything I could use to defend myself. I felt the lukewarm touch of the porcelain plates and wrapped my fingers around the rim of one. I waited as Mrs. Holmes inched closer until, finally, I whipped my arm around and smashed the plate against her head.
She wailed and faltered a few steps, buying me enough time to run deeper into the kitchen, toward the knives. She was on me again before I could reach them. I felt a wet sting on my calf and looked down to see her there, latched on with her teeth sinking deep into my flesh.
I fell onto the concrete floor, my left shoulder taking the brunt of the impact. I tried to crawl away but couldn’t break free of her inhuman weight. With my free leg, I kicked at her head as hard as I could until she released me. Her bloodstained mouth hissed at me as I scrambled to my feet.
I ripped the largest knife I could find out of the block and spun around, ready to drive it into Mrs. Holmes’s chest, but she was gone. My eyes flicked frantically around the room, looking for any sign of her. Then I felt something drip onto my cheek. In the reflection of the knife blade, I could see the drop of blood rolling down my cheek. I looked up, and there she was.
She wasn't suspended from the ceiling; she was floating. As soon as I laid eyes on her, she dropped, falling right on top of me. I managed to raise the knife high enough and felt it pierce her gut as she landed on me. I think that was the only thing that saved me from her teeth sinking into my neck.
Mrs. Holmes reeled from the knife wound. She swung her arm out, and I felt the tremendous weight and strength behind it as it crashed into my side and threw me across the room. Pain shot through my back as I collided with the stainless steel of the dishwasher. I knew I couldn’t afford to waste time licking my wounds. I pulled myself up to my feet just as Mrs. Holmes ripped the knife free of her gut. Coagulated blood seeped out of the gaping wound like thick mud.
Mrs. Holmes hunched over like a predator waiting to pounce. My heart raced, waiting for the moment. Like a bolt of lighting, it came. She leapt across the room at me. My instincts kicked in, and I ducked to the right. I heard a loud metallic crash as Mrs. Holmes’s body slammed into the dishwasher. I looked up and saw her top half lodged in the machine. Without even thinking about it, I yanked the lever, sending the hood down just far enough over Mrs. Holmes’s thin body to activate the machine.
She howled and screeched as the steam inside the dishwasher boiled her skin. I didn’t wait around for the cycle to finish. I saddled the pain in my back and my leg and ran out of the kitchen before she had a chance to escape. I didn’t dare look back.
​
Sunset Grove closed down last year, three years after I left for good that night. I never found out what became of Mrs. Holmes, but I don’t think she ever left. The article detailing Sunset Grove’s closure cites financial difficulty after a spike in mortality rates, and there had been more than one story about staff members going missing over the years. Ted was the first of them. I would have been the second.
For a long time, Sunset Grove haunted me. I would dream about being back in room 2H, cowering under Mrs. Holmes’s impossibly tall form, her skin blistered and rubbery from the burns I gave her. In time, those dreams faded. It hadn’t seemed possible, but my life started to return to a sense of normalcy.
Reading the article on Sunset Grove brought those memories crashing back. I tried to tell myself that I was safe, but... I don’t think I am anymore. Not since I heard a knock on my door the other night. I wanted so badly to believe it was nothing, just neighborhood kids messing around, but my head has been pounding ever since I heard it, my stomach twisted in knots, my breath short. I can’t sleep through the night anymore. I find myself staring out the window, watching. Sometimes, among the twinkling fireflies at the edge of the woods, I could swear I see a pair of glowing eyes watching me in the dark.

Hello there !
I am look to join y'all in the Jeep group rather soon, and I am hoping to hear your recommendations, experience, any wise (or not) words which could help me decide on my first Jeep.
My needs: buying used, manual, light off-roading so I have no special requirements - close to stock is good. Riding motorcycle as my primary vehicle, so Jeep will be used on as-need basis. I would drive it during bad weather and/or occasional off-roading.
My conundrum: due to above requirements, I do not need anything "flashy", I am looking at Wrangler X/Sport model(s). I do not care about the newer tech that is being added, and I am perfectly fine with bare-bones unit. I only care that it is mechanically sound. With that said I found several vehicles from different years and wondering how to proceed. Assuming that mechanically vehicles check-out, which would you recommend for me:

1. 1997 SE, 153k miles, 4 cyl, soft top, ~8k
2. 1999 SE, 163K miles, 4 cyl, hard top, ~$5.5k
3. 2002 Sport, 83K miles, 6 cyl, soft top, ~16k
4. 2006 SE, 88k miles, 4 cyl, soft top, ~$18k
5. 2014 Sport, 101k miles, 6 cyl, soft top, ~$17k

As you can see, I do not care about the looks, nor the age. I am not afraid to pay up, but I also would not like to overpay it. I am only interested in reliability, so I do not have to wrench it often. With not much knowledge to start off, I learned that '06 and older have a better reliability grades than later models/years, and coincidentally, that is the last year for 2.5L 4-cyl engine.
From the expected light off-road use and high gas prices in CA, I am longing for the 4-cyl option, but looking solely at the price and age, they are quite expensive for their age (the 2015 one seems like the best bang for the buck).
I tried researching it on my own, but my google search gave me only biased reviews and sale pitches. Maybe I am not searching it with the right search terms.
​
I am moving this weekend, so I may not have a chance to reply to all of you. All replies are appreciated, positive and negative ones.
​
Thank you

Best way I can describe the song:

1. Sounds relatively modern (not older than 2000, probably more like 2010/newer)
   
2. One female singer "talking" with a lower voice pitch and a high pitched "aooo - ey" once every ~5 seconds
   
3. Not sure if the language of the song is English, as far as I remember it mostly sounds like muffled words that I couldn't make out, so it could also be in another language
   
4. The song pretty much has only two parts to it: the lower "groovy bass" kind of section which is very monotone and never changes (the part where the singer is "talking" the text) [~4 - 5 seconds]
   
5. And the short high part, which as best as I can recall sounds like a kind of "aooo - ey" [~ 1 second]. These 2 parts are playing alternating
   
6. I tried to my best to recreate song with a digital piano so here is a google drive link that features a short playback of what the general song sounds like:
   
7. [ YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO DOWNLOAD ANYTHING! ]
   
8. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1flbyJNtRA-PIkvRrxPN6Rbfp8SP8hanL/view?usp=sharing
   

Selling my sets for below mentioned price in items.
Feel free to add me/discuss.
Why u should trust me ?
Sold over 1000 TI6/TI7/TI8/TI9/TI10/Nemestice/Aghanim's/Diretide 2022 Collector's
Proof of gifting Caches Sets?
Check comments on my profile & check their inventory for my sets gifted by me.
Buyer always goes first or we can use middleman from this Sub.
Also, why would scam ? I got like 800+ cache sets to sell.
Profile https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198107212373

Diretide 2022 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Shadowleaf Insurgent	Hoodwink	20+	$15
Scarlet Subversion	Riki	20+	$15
Whippersnapper	Snapfire	20+	$10
Hounds of Obsession	Chen	20+	$10
Seadog's Stash	Clockwork	20+	$10
Starlorn Adjudicator	Dawnbreaker	20+	$15
Spoils of the Shadowveil	Spectre	20+	$15
Chines of the Inquisitor	Faceless Void	20+	$10
Trophies of the Hallowed Hunt	Ursa	20+	$10
Crimson Dawn	Phoenix	20+	$10
Forgotten Station	Terrorblade	20+	$15
Dirge Amplifier	Undying	20+	$15
Champion of the Fire Lotus	Monkey King	20+	$10
Deathstitch Shaman	Witch Doctor	20+	$10
Blue Horizons	Marci	20+	$30
Angel of Vex	Invoker	20+	$35
Dark Behemoth	Primal Beast	20+	$50

Aghanim's 2021 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Silverwurm Sacrifice	Dragon Knight	22	$20
Scales of the Shadow Walker	Phantom Lancer	23	$15
Perception of the First Light	Dawnbreaker	22	$15
Apex Automated	Clockwerk	22	$15
Test of the Basilisk Lord	Razor	25	$10
Secrets of the Frost Singularity	Ancient Apparition	23	$8
Perils of the Red Banks	Chen	22	$10
The Chained Scribe	Grimstroke	24	$10
Widow of the Undermount Gloom	Broodmother	23	$10
Forgotten Fate	Mars	22	$5
March of the Crackerjack Mage	Rubick	24	$10
Cosmic Concoctioneers	Alchemist	23	$20
Days of the Demon	Axe	22	$10
Blightfall	Abaddon	23	$15
Pyrexae Polymorph Perfected	Ogre Magi	25	$35
Wrath of the Celestial Sentinel	Chaos Knight	8	$60

Nemestice Collector's Cache 2021

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Twilight Hex	Dark Willow	23	15$
Litany of the Damned	Doom	24	15$
Astral Terminus	Enigma	23	10$
Caerulean Star	Enchantress	22	8$
Arcane Inverter	Gyrocopter	22	20$
Creed of the Skullhound	Lycan	22	25$
Desert Bloom	Nature's Prophet	23	20$
Silence of the Starweaver	Oracle	23	10$
Eyriebound Imperator	Skywrath Mage	23	10$
Anthozoan Assault	Tiny	23	25$
Defender of the Brumal Crest	Winter Wyvern	10	10$
Red Sands Marauder	Shadow Shaman	23	20$
Footfalls of the Sporefathers	Witch Doctor	12	60$

Collector's Cache I 2020

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Ravenous Abyss	Underlord	20+	$15
Apocalypse Unbound	AA	20+	$10
Beholden of the Banished Ones	Warlock	20+	$10
Fury of the Righteous Storm	Disruptor	20+	$5
Lineage of the Stormlords	Juggernaut	20+	$35
Silent Slayer	Silencer	20+	$10
Mindless Slaughter	Pudge	20+	$20
Heartless Hunt	Bounty	20+	$10
Herald of the Ember Eye	Grimstroke	20+	$10
Fissured Flight	Jakiro	20+	$5
Flashpoint Proselyte	Husker	20+	$15
Signs of the Allfather	Nature prophet	20+	$15
Glory of the Elderflame	Lina	20+	$25
Lineage of the Stormlords	Juggernaut	6	$35
Origin of the Dark Oath	Night Stalker	6	$25
Songs of Starfall Glen	Enchantress	20+	$5
Ancient Inheritance	Tiny	20+	$30
Forsworn Legacy	mars	20+	$50

Collector's Cache II 2020

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Evolution of the Infinite	Enigma	20+	$6
Beast of the Crimson Ring	bristle back	20+	$10
Clearcut Cavalier	Timber	20+	$6
The King Of Thieves	Keeper of light	20+	$10
Horror from the Deep	Tide	20+	$20
Ire of the Ancient Gaoler	Arc warden	20+	$25
Talons of the Endless Storm	chaos knight	20+	$15
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade	Rubick	20+	$6
Crown of Calaphas	Shadow demon	20+	$10
Wrath of the Fallen	doom	20+	$20
Blacksail Cannoneer	Sniper	20+	$10
Secrets of the Celestial 📷	Skywrath mage	20+	$5
Blaze of Oblivion	Phoenix	20+	$6
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber	Templar Assassin	20+	$25
Claszureme Incursion	Void	20+	70$

Collector's Cache 2019

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Paean of the Ink Dragon	Grimstroke	18	10$
Scorched Amber	Dragon Knight	20	20$
Allure of the Faeshade Flower	Dark Willow	1 M*	25$
The Arts of Mortal Deception	Enigma	21	10$
Poacher's Bane	Tidehunter	20	10$
Soul of the Brightshroud	Death Prophet	21	10$
Curse of the Creeping Vine	Undying	21	20$
Appetites of the Lizard King	Slark	18	25$
Riddle of the Hierophant	Oracle	20	10$
Defender of Ruin	Disruptor	22	25$

​

Collector's Cache II 2019

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Sight of the Kha-Ren Faithful	Drow Ranger	31	15$
Tribal Pathways	Warlock	30	10$
Directive of the Sunbound	Clockwerk	31	10$
Endless Night	Abaddon	30	10$
Dapper Disguise	Pudge	27	15$
Fury of the Bloodforge	Bloodseeker	30	10$
Automaton Antiquity	Broodmother	31	10$
Grim Destiny	Wraith King	29	10$
Distinguished Expeditionary	Tusk	30	10$
Verdant Predator	Venomancer	31	10$
Prized Acquisitions	Batrider	31	5$
Fowl Omen	Necrophos	34	30$

The International 2018 Collector's Cache I

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Trail of the Sanguine Spectrum	Bloodseeker	20	8$
Insights of the Sapphire Shroud	Dark Seer	18	4$
Pillar of the Fractured Citadel	Spirit Breaker	21	$5
The Murid Divine	Necrophos	22	15$
Molokau Stalker	Venomancer	21	$10
Morbific Provision	Witch Doctor	22	10$
Raptures of the Abyssal Kin	Queen of Pain	20	15$
Grasp of the Riven Exile	Weaver	20	5$

The International 2018 Collector's Cache II

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Pitmouse Fraternity	Meepo	37	10$
Fires of the Volcanic Guard	Ember Spirit	37	10$
Shackles of the Enduring Conscript	Axe	37	6$
Shimmer of the Anointed	Nyx Assassin	29	5$
Loaded Prospects	Brewmaster	39	15$
Ire of Molten Rebirth	Phoenix	36	10$
Pattern of the Silken Queen	Broodmother	26	5$
The Rat King	Chen	28	10$
Raiments of the Obsidian Forge	Underlord	22	20$

The International 2017 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Rumrunner's Carronade	Brew master	20	15$
Abyssal Vortex	Enigma	27	10$
Samareen Sacrifice	Huskar	22	10$
Spoils of the Vodou Rover	Witch Doctor	27	10$
Shadowforce Gale	Luna	24	10$
Mechalodon Interdictor	Gyrocopter	27	10$
Cunning Corsair	Riki	24	20$

The International 2016 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Nightsilver's Resolve	luna	2 M* dtygod*	20$
Oni Knight the Dark Conqueror	Chaos Knight	2 dtygod* dopey*	20$

I am no longer entertaining joy riders so I prefer you give $3 in items when u add me as deposit.
Those $3 will be subtracted from you're total sets cost.
Don't add me if you don't like the prices.
​

• prices are subject to change.*
• sets may go out of stock even if you're waiting for one if someone else buys it before you.*

*if you don't reserve the sets.

Main hub thread with the full 131 rankings
Louisiana Tech’s got an incredibly rich football history that I couldn’t believe while researching them. These are just a few of the players they’ve had in the last 30 years, not even 40. NFL Hall of Fame OL Willie Roaf (1989-92). WR Troy Edwards (1995-98) won the Biletnikoff Award in 1998. QB Tim Rattay (1997-99) finished his career with the 2nd most passing yards in NCAA history, in just 3 years. P Ryan Allen (2010-12) won the Ray Guy Award twice (2011, 2012). RB Kenneth Dixon (2012-15) broke the NCAA record for career TDs with 87. DE Jaylon Ferguson set the NCAA record for career sacks with 45. They even had LB IK Enemkpali (2009-13), who revitalized Geno Smith’s NFL career by punching him in the New York Jets locker room. And before the cutoff of this series, NFL Hall of Famers QB Terry Bradshaw and DL Fred Dean played for them.

Best Seasons and Highlights

1. 2012: 34. Louisiana Tech: 9-3 (12.042) 2. 1997: 26. Louisiana Tech: 9-2 (9.545) 3. 1999: 27. Louisiana Tech: 8-3 (9.149) 4. 2014: 39. Louisiana Tech: 9-5 (7.613) 5. 2019: 37. Louisiana Tech: 10-3 (6.188) 6. 1990: 35. Louisiana Tech: 8-3-1 (4.552) 7. 1991: 34. Louisiana Tech: 8-1-2 (4.549) 8. 2015: 48. Louisiana Tech: 9-4 (4.066) 9. 2016: 50. Louisiana Tech: 9-5 (0.236) 10. 1989: 44. Louisiana Tech: 5-4-1 (-1.569) 11. 2005: 47. Louisiana Tech: 7-4 (-2.989) 12. 2011: 53. Louisiana Tech: 8-5 (-3.475) 13. 2001: 59. Louisiana Tech: 7-5 (-7.855) 14. 2018: 68. Louisiana Tech: 8-5 (-8.212) 15. 2008: 62. Louisiana Tech: 8-5 (-9.691) 16. 2017: 66. Louisiana Tech: 7-6 (-9.923) 17. 1996: 57. Louisiana Tech: 6-5 (-12.911) 18. 2004: 65. Louisiana Tech: 6-6 (-13.772) 19. 1998: 63. Louisiana Tech: 6-6 (-14.167) 20. 1992: 64. Louisiana Tech: 5-6 (-15.760) 21. 2020: 89. Louisiana Tech: 5-5 (-17.370) 22. 2003: 79. Louisiana Tech: 5-7 (-20.759) 23. 2010: 80. Louisiana Tech: 5-7 (-22.310) 24. 2009: 91. Louisiana Tech: 4-8 (-26.877) 25. 1995: 76. Louisiana Tech: 5-6 (-28.345) 26. 2007: 90. Louisiana Tech: 5-7 (-29.165) 27. 2002: 89. Louisiana Tech: 4-8 (-32.400) 28. 2021: 109. Louisiana Tech: 3-9 (-38.713) 29. 2022: 118. Louisiana Tech: 3-9 (-41.486) 30. 2013: 102. Louisiana Tech: 4-8 (-41.915) 31. 2000: 99. Louisiana Tech: 3-9 (-44.020) 32. 1994: 95. Louisiana Tech: 3-8 (-44.390) 33. 1993: 103. Louisiana Tech: 2-9 (-52.842) 34. 2006: 114. Louisiana Tech: 3-10 (-55.710) Overall Score: 9632 (85th) 

• 206-196-4 record
• 2 conference titles 7-3-1 bowl record
  
• 3 consensus All-Americans
  
• 33 NFL players drafted
  

Out of 34 seasons played, 17 have been winning records, with 3 more .500 seasons. Not only that, they’ve won at least 4 games in 28 seasons, so 82% of the time they’re guaranteed at least a 4-8 record. That is remarkable consistency, especially for a team that’s never finished in the Top 25. LT’s always been “good” and never “great”, save for perhaps a few years in the late 90’s when they had an offensive explosion. Their 3 consensus All-Americans are Willie Roaf (1992), Troy Edwards (1998), and Ryan Allen (2012).

Top 5 Seasons

Worst Season: 2006 (3-10 overall, 1-7 WAC)
QBed by Zac Champion, the 2006 Bulldogs were anything but. Despite winning 3 games, they ranked as the 6th worst team in football, averaging just 18.6 PPG while giving up an NCAA-worst 41.7 PPG. They were feeling generous, providing most teams with their biggest margin of victory of the season. LT lost 7 games by 30+ points, and finished with a 23-50 L to 3-8 New Mexico State. The offense did have a few really good games. A 48-35 win over Utah State prevented LT from being last place in the WAC, thanks to 4 TD from Champion. WR Jonathan Holland caught 35 passes for 503 yards and 3 TD, and was drated in the 7th round of the 2007 NFL Draft.
5. 2019 (10-3 overall, 6-2 Conference USA)
In the opener against Texas, LT lost 14-45, but may have actually had the more talented defensive backfield than the Longhorns, who insisted on calling themselves “DBU”. CB Amik Robertson and S L’Jarius Sneed were both drafted in the 4th round of the 2020 NFL Draft, and combined for 8 INTs in 2019. DB Michael Sam added 3 more. After the loss, LT went on an 8 game winning streak to get to 8-1, although only 1 of those teams they beat finished with a winning record; Southern Miss at 7-6. After dropping a game to Marshall, they played 7-3 UAB for a spot in the C-USA title game, but down to their backup QB, LT could only manage 14 points in a 14-20 loss. A win over UTSA finished off the regular season at 9-3. In the bowl, despite a win, Louisiana Tech was not the focus of headlines, it was the ineptitude of Manny Diaz’s Miami (FL) offense, which completed just 15/34 passes for 227 yards and 2 INT in a 14-0 loss. The game was 7-0 up until the final 1:30, when LT QB J’Mar Smith ran in an 8 yard dagger. This was the first time EVER a G5 team shut out a P5 team in a bowl game. Smith finished a solid career, earning 1st Team All-CUSA with 2977 passing yards 18 TD 5 INT with 264 rushing yards and 4 TD. Amik Robertson was named a 1st Team All-American by FWAA.
4. 2014 (9-5 overall, 7-1 Conference USA)
This is what we call an up and down season. Armed with an unknown, but in hindsight stacked, offense and a feisty defense, LT would flip flop between big win and head-scratching loss throughout the year. Just a 2-3 start included a win over eventual 9-4 UL Lafayette, and losses to #4 Oklahoma and #5 Auburn, but also a 27-30 loss to FCS Northwestern State. They were fine in the C-USA, DESTROYING 7-6 UTEP 55-3, 8-5 Western Kentucky 59-10, and 8-5 Rice 76-31. The Rice win clinched a spot in the C-USA championship game, where LT posed a unique threat to 11-1 Marshall. Marshall had just lost to Western Kentucky, who LT beat by nearly 50 points earlier in the year. Up 23-16 at the start of the 4th, Louisiana Tech saw their defenses fall to a really good Marshall offense, who won the game 26-23 and won the C-USA title. The season ended on a high with a 35-18 win over Illinois in the bowl. Senior QB Cody Sokol finally got his chance to start after spending the previous 3 years at community college and Iowa, throwing for 3436 yards 30 TD 13 INT. His offensive weapons turned out to be LOADED. RB Kenneth Dixon had 1684 yards and 28 TD from scrimmage, and would break the NCAA record for career TDs with 87. WR Trent Taylor would lead the nation in receiving yards 2 years later with 1803, and WR Carlos Henderson would lead the NCAA in receiving TDs that same year, going for 1535 yards and 19 TD. Both were drafted in the 2017 NFL Draft.
3. 1999 (8-3 overall, Independent)
Gone were All-American WR Troy Edwards and coach Gary Crowton, but QB Tim Rattay still remained after throwing for 4943 yards and 46 TD to just 13 INT a year prior. What was the plan? Throw the ball, throw the ball again, and then throw the ball some more. Going full air raid, they averaged 52 passes a game compared to just 23 rushing attempts per game. After an expected 1-2 start, they headed to #18 Alabama to go to 1-3, except Rattay had other plans. Down 22-28, Rattay led LT to the Alabama 20 with just 1 minute left to play. Except, on the very next play he was sacked and went out with an injury. Fast forward a few plays later, backup QB Brian Stallworth was on for 4th and 23(!), lobbing up a pass for the 6’4 Sean Cangelosi who came down with the TD 28-28, with just 3 seconds to go! It wasn’t even over yet, as kicker Kevin Pond had missed 2 extra points in the same game, but nailed this one to win it 29-28. Alabama would go on to win the SEC title, while LT won 8 of their last 9 games to finish 8-3. Rattay finished 10th in Heisman voting, throwing for 3922 yards 35 TD and 12 INT, leaving as the NCAA’s 2nd all-time leading passer. WRs Delwyn Daigre, Sean Cangelosi, James Jordan, and RB John Simon had 1000+, 900+, 800+, and 700+ receiving yards, respectively. LT would go on to join the WAC and win the conference title just 2 years later in 2001.
2. 1997 (9-2 overall, Independent)
Tim Rattay took over the reigns at QB in 1997, and quickly found his favorite target in WR Troy Edwards. Rattay led the nation in passing yards, throwing for 3881 yards 34 TD 10 INT, while Edwards had almost 50% of the team’s receiving yards, catching 102 passes for 1707 yards and 13 TD, also ranking 3rd on the team in rushing with 190 yards and 3 TD on just 15 carries! Louisiana Tech had a 41-34 win over Cal, and 26-20 win AT Alabama, with the only losses coming to SEC runner-up Auburn and 13-17 to Arkansas. This was a young, but dangerous Bulldog team. Edwards would win the Biletnikoff the next year, having arguably the best season by a WR in college football history with 140 catches for 1996 yards and 27(!!!) TD in just 12 games. Not to mention, he also had 227 rushing yards and 3 TD on just 21 carries. Oh, and a punt return TD as well. That’s 2223 yards from scrimmage and 30 TD by a WR, who was also 4th in the nation in punt return average with 18.1.
1. 2012 (9-3 overall, 4-2 WAC)
This was during the swan song of the WAC, 2012, when everyone popped off to have their best years ever. Utah State and San Jose State’s best years were both 2012 as well, and both finished above LT. While those Rattay-Edwards teams had some great offenses, 2012’s was in another stratosphere, and might be the best offense you’ve never heard of. The 2012 Louisiana Tech team averaged 51.5 PPG, most in the nation. Yes, you heard that right, 51.5 PPG. That’s the 3rd highest since 2000, which is the furthest back CFB Reference’s team offense data goes. After a 5-0 start, they played against Johnny Manziel and Texas A&M in a game you might remember, where LT nearly came back from down 23-46 to lose just 57-59 after a failed 2 point conversion. Manziel had 576 total yards and 6 TD while LT QB Colby Cameron had 475 and 5. After a 9-1 start, the defense let them down against fellow WAC contenders Utah State and San Jose State, losing 41-48 and 43-52. The defense ended up being 6th worst in the nation, giving up 38.5 PPG.
QB Colby Cameron won WAC Offensive POTY, completing 69% of passes for 4147 yards and 31 TD to just 5 INT. RB Kenneth Dixon won WAC Freshman POTY, rushing for 1194 yards and 27 TD on 6.0 YPC. RB Ray Holley was a capable backup with 1064 yards and 8 TD from scrimmage, earning 2nd Team All-WAC. WR Quinton Patton was Cameron’s favorite WR, going for 1392 yards and 13 TD. The best player though, was punter Ryan Allen, who was a consensus All-American and won his 2nd Ray Guy Award, averaging 48 yards per punt, not that they were punting often though.

5th Quarter

Where does the 2012 offense rank among the best offenses in college football history in your opinion? Was it better than the Rattay-Edwards offenses? Why didn’t Rattay and Edwards work in the NFL? What do you remember about the Louisiana Tech teams listed above? And what does the future look like for a Louisiana Tech team that’s been facing stiff in-state competition from UL Lafayette and Tulane in recent years?
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we were together for almost 3 years and everything was perfect, we talked a lot about marriage and planned our future together. Of course we had small arguements but I think we had great communication and solved every problem together(except one). We really loved and supported each other.
However, she really wanted to study abroad for 6 months and we were fighting a lot about this. I was afraid and insecure about it, even though she was always loyal to me and she never gave a reason to worry. I always supported her in every other situations but in this case I was really afraid of long distance and did not want to lose her. It was her dream to spend a semester abroad and I handled it very badly. She tried to communicate with me many times but I just could not support her in a way that I needed to. She cried a lot and after a lot of arguements she broke up with me.
It was 5–6 months ago and we are in no contact for 4 months now. After the breakup I was thinking a lot about the situation, and imagined myself in her situation. If I had such a big dream and my partner would not support me at all thats a turn off.
I made improvements on my insecurities during this time and reflected on all the things we could have done better.
I still love her and want to make the relationship work. I feel like i lost the love of my life because of my stupid behaviour.
Should I reach out to her? What should I say?
Any advices appreciated! Thanks for all the comments.

any track that plays in the game is valid
here's my list:

• Alive Inside (of course)
• At Peace (it playing during the wellington ending made that already emotional scene so much more visceral)
• Grim Ranger (brilliant song to cap off season 3)
• In The Pines (this playing at the end of suffer the children gives one shivers)
• Don't Be Afraid (piano on this is really good. vocals are nice too)

The apartment was cheap, but not suspiciously so, especially given the relatively decrepit state of it. It was a 1 bedroom affair, the building itself constructed at some point before the Great Depression, and it certainly showed its age. The bathroom was prone to mold, the windows let in a draft even when closed, and the fact that it was up 6 flights of stairs in a building where the elevator seemed perpetually out of order certainly didn't help. However, beyond these usual allowances made for an affordable apartment in a city such as mine, there were no outward signs that anything wrong with the place. There were never any strange noises, unusual cold spots in the center of rooms, no eerie lights. For all intents and purposes, the apartment appeared utterly mundane.
It took me a frankly embarrassing amount of time to notice the door. 7 months in fact. I've never been much of a night owl, and on the rare occasions when I did have reason to be up in the wee hours my time was generally spent in someone else's bedroom.
At first, when I noticed the door, I assumed that I was hallucinating. I was, after all, in a fairly inebriated state, having just returned from a rather pleasant evening of laughter and debauchery. I already had experienced considerable difficulty in extricating my key from my apartment's lock, so I figured it was more likely that something had gone wrong with my perception rather than the unlikely scenario that a wood paneled door had suddenly materialized in my living room where previously there had only been wall.
It was old fashioned looking, with a shiny brass knob and wood the color of old leather. I shook my head for a moment and blinked, squinting at the object. The door was still there. I rubbed my eyes and closed them, counting down from 10. When I'd finished, I opened my eyes again. The door was still there. I'm not exactly sure what I thought counting down from 10 was supposed to accomplish. Beyond one mercifully brief experience with salvia at a very bad party, I'd never experienced hallucinations before, so I was sort of going off of what I'd seen in movies and TV shows.
There was something intensely unnerving about the door. It emanated a feeling of primal wrongness, I instinctually knew that I was gazing at something totally in violation of the natural order. It took a lot of willpower to do what I did next.
Having exhausted all other apparent options to my disorganized mind, I moved on to the next logical stage of inquiry; I tried to open it. The doorknob was cold to the touch, arctic even. It felt like touching the inside of a freezer. A shiver ran down my back, though I can't be sure in retrospect if it was entirely from the temperature. I tried to turn the knob. It didn't budge.
An immense sigh of relief escaped my lungs, releasing a breath that I didn't know I was holding in. Trying to think of what else I could do, I pulled out my phone and snapped a quick photo of the thing, sending it to my landlord, with a caption somewhere along the lines of "wtf is this dude, y is there a new door???"
Nodding sagely to myself, as if I had succeeded in doing anything of note, I stumbled my way into my bedroom and locked the door before falling into blissful slumber.
I awoke to the incessant screeching of my alarm clock loudly informing me that it was 7 o' clock, about 6 hours from when I had fallen asleep. I slammed my fist against "off" button and rubbed the sleep from my eyes with my other hand. In following with my usual morning routine, I then pulled out my phone and checked through my notifications.
Alongside the usual torrent of internet pseudo-acquaintances posting pictures of their brunches and whatnot was a text message from my landlord. "What are you talking about Christina", it read, "is this photoshop or something?"
At first, I didn't understand what he was referring to, but when the rusted gears of my sleepy (and hungover) brain finally started turning, I immediately jumped out of bed and scuttled over to the spot where the door had been just 6 hours prior. I did so with the intent of recording a video to further prove its existence to my skeptical landlord... but I was greeted with nothing but wall.
I texted my landlord an apology, lying and saying it was just a poorly thought out prank. Then I popped into my car and drove down to the local electronics store to purchase a camera from the grumpy underpaid college student behind the register.
Making my way over to the photography section, I searched a long while for the option that simultaneously fit my budget and the requirements for my investigation. Eventually, I found just the item.
It was a trailcam, the sort of thing hunters and geriatrics with too many acres of land and not enough hobbies use to observe wildlife. It had an SD card with enough space for several hours of blurry, black and white nightvision video, and most importantly it was cheap. I paid for my prize with the surly cashier and made my way happily back to my apartment.
I set it up securely in front of where the door had previously appeared, and, feeling like a genius, went about the rest of my day. I fell asleep that night secure in the knowledge that by morning I would have proof of what I had seen the night before.
The next morning, I rushed over excitedly to my living room, feeling like a child on Christmas morning. My giddy excitement died as I stepped into the living room, noticing the complete lack of the trailcam. Old Saint Nick appeared to have shit in my stocking.
I made my way back to the electronics store, forced once again into interacting with the student behind the register for whom my very existence seemed to be an inconvenience. Upon noticing my arrival, he sighed heavily. "Can I help you ma'am?" he said, emphasizing the last word with the same inflection one might say intestinal parasite.
"I'm looking for a cheap camera that will stream video directly to my computer." I said, trying my best to avoid mimicking the man's petulant tone.
Shrugging his shoulders and releasing another drawn out sigh, the cashier shuffled his way over to the photography section and picked out a small camera, rather similar to the last one I purchased, but approximately twice as much in terms of cost. "Do you have anything cheaper?" I asked, trying my best to sound polite.
"No." declared the cashier, with all the compassion of an exterminator crushing a cockroach beneath a steel toed boot.
I ended up paying the exorbitant price on my already abused credit card, and grumpily stalked back to the apartment to set up the new equipment, knowing I wouldn't get to see it after the night was over.
Nevertheless, I had to know how the door got there, and I needed to have irrefutable evidence.
The process to set up the new camera was a bit more involved than the last. There was all manner of fiddling about with connecting the device to my WiFi network and installing some new software to my computer, but by the time it was over it successfully uploaded footage directly to my hard drive where I could watch it at my leisure.
I went to bed that night wondering what I would do with the footage after I acquired it. After all, I couldn't really go to the police with it, could I? Excuse me officer, I imagined myself saying, but a mysterious door appears in my apartment at night, and I was wondering if you could send someone around to take a look? I'd end up institutionalized. Similarly, it's not like I could go to the newspapers either. I live in a big city, and the reporters have more important fish to fry than transient doors.
At some point while I pondered my options, I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew I was awakened by the banshee cries of my alarm clock, angrily informing me that it was once again 7 o' clock.
I jumped out of bed, excitedly moving over to my computer to check the footage, finding that there was about 5 hours of video. I had turned on the camera at around 10 o' clock PM, so that meant whatever happened to the camera occurred at about 3 AM.
I set the video to fast forward and watched it carefully. The first 2 hours or so showed nothing, just the regular blank wall. At exactly 12 o' clock, however, static engulfed the screen, and suddenly the old wooden door simply appeared, as if it had always been there. I rewound the footage and played it at normal speed, trying to discern anything that would show how the door suddenly manifested in the wall of my apartment, but the static was far too heavy to tell. The video simply got incredibly distorted for around 10 seconds, and suddenly the static dissipated and there was the door.
Even on video, just looking at it gave me the chills. That sense of complete and utter wrongness came through even from the screen. I shivered slightly and set the video on fast forward yet again. There was no change in the door for nearly 3 hours, but as the video crept closer and closer to the end, I switched it back to normal speed with about a minute to spare.
As I watched, the door began to slowly open. There was no microphone built into the camera, but I could imagine the ancient hinges creaking. I could feel my palms begin to sweat as I stared, transfixed. I glanced at the time remaining on the video, it was only around 30 seconds.
As the video progressed onwards, the door eventually swung fully open, revealing a black, yawning void beyond it. Static began to gather at the corners of the screen, increasing in intensity as I vaguely discerned something moving in the darkness. The quality was rapidly degrading, and I couldn't tell any specifics, but it moved in an almost spider-like manner, skittery and deeply unnerving. It seemed just about to come into view when the footage fully dissolved into static and the video ended abruptly.
I leaned back in my chair, contemplating my next move. While the video had certainly convinced me that I wasn't just going crazy, I knew that it wouldn't exactly convince the average person. I could easily have added in the static with editing, and the vague movement behind the door could just be computer generated effects or some sort of puppet. After a few minutes of pondering, I came up with an idea.
---
"I'm sorry, what?" exclaimed Lilith, who was trying hard not to choke on her iced coffee.
"A door. It appears in my apartment at exactly midnight. I have it on video", I replied, sliding my phone across the table of the coffee shop.
I first met Lilith in college, where we shared a course on the history of Gothic literature. She was a perfect picture of the stereotypical goth, with pierced septum, dyed black hair, pentacle earrings, and a wardrobe whose diversity of color could charitably be compared to that of a raven. We hadn't spoken in a long time, but I figured if there was anyone I should contact about this sort of thing, it would be her.
I'd condensed the 5 hours of footage down to a few minutes with the help of a free online video editor, and watched in slight amusement as Lilith's brow furrowed, her eyes glued to the screen. After the video ended, she seemed utterly amazed.
"Any thoughts?" I asked, pulling back my phone.
"This is some sort of joke, right? You're screwing with me?" she asked, utterly bewildered by what I had just shown her.
"No joke. No screwing around. I figured you'd be the one to ask about this, because of the whole, you know..." I said, gesturing at the leviathan cross emblazoned on her black t-shirt.
Lilith rolled her eyes at me and fidgeted nervously with one of her bracelets. "I'm not sure Christina, this seems a little bit outside of my pay grade. I don't really know what you expect me to do."
"I just need a witness of some kind. What I've got here isn't really enough to prove anything on its own, but if someone else sees it that might lend me a bit of credibility. If some random chick goes to the news complaining about a mysterious door appearing in her living room at midnight that's nothing, but if I get a witness then they might have to listen to me. Plus, I figured maybe you could, I don't know, set up some form of protective circle or sigil or something." As soon as the last words left my lips, I felt like a moron, but Lilith actually seemed to perk up a little bit.
"I mean, I guess that makes sense. How about tonight? I can come over at about 11 o' clock so we have a little bit of time to get ready", she said, a tinge of excitement in her voice.
"Sound's like a plan then, I'll text you my address. I really appreciate you doing this for me." We got up from the booth, exchanged hugs, and went our separate ways. I was skeptical about how much good Lilith's "magickal" expertise would do with regard to the unearthly door, but I had mainly mentioned it to get her interested.
I wish I hadn't.
---
About 12 hours later, I heard a knock at the door (my front door, in this case, not the impossible one). I peeked through the peephole, saw it was Lilith, and I ushered her inside. She had brought with her a black leather bag, bulging with various books, candles, jars, and other occult accoutrements.
"That's a lot of stuff", I commented, gesturing towards the bag, "are you sure you'll need all of it?"
She shrugged. "I figured it's better to be safe than sorry. I'd rather be overprepared than come up short."
"Seems reasonable."
I showed her the spot of the blank wall where the door appears and she began setting up candles and incense, drawing strange signs with chalk, and pouring salt in a semi-circle in front of where the door would be. As she worked, she occasionally read out loud from some cheap paperbacks with titles like "The Witch's Bible" and "The Unquiet Dead: A Field Guide to the Afterlife".
To be entirely honest it was incredibly underwhelming. I didn't feel any "mystical energies" or unseen vistas of space and time yawning before me. There was just a goth screwing around with some candles while reciting mangled Latin out of books she got for 4.99 apiece at a charity shop.
Nevertheless, I let Lilith get on with her business and sat back drinking some cheap beer. After about 45 minutes she seemed satisfied. The floor and walls were covered with crude sigils done in white chalk, and the whole room smelt of incense and scented candles. I checked my watch, seeing it was 11:48.
I offered Lilith a drink but she declined, instead just taking a seat and fidgeting a bit with her jewelry. We talked for a while about what the door could be, where it came from, that sort of thing. Lilith seemed convinced it was must be the restless spirit of a former tenant, but I was a bit skeptical. While at this point I could no longer honestly say I didn't believe in the supernatural, this didn't necessarily strike me as some sort of haunting.
"I don't think it's a ghost", I said, taking a sip from my near empty can, "it strikes me as something further beyond our realm of experience than that. Something, I don't know, alien somehow. I mean it changes reality itself doesn't it? It transmutes a wall to a door, and let me tell you that door was real wood and the knob was real metal. Aren't ghosts supposed to be intangible or something?"
Lilith seemed like she was about to say something before she paused, a weird look crossing her face. "Christina, what time is it?" she whispered.
I checked my watch, the digital face reading out 12:07. I turned to see the door. It had been there for 7 minutes and we hadn't even noticed its arrival. Something about us not having realized it was there bothered me far more than its materialization. Was it possible that I'd passed by it in the apartment before and just never noticed it? I'd previously assumed that I'd simply always been asleep or out of the apartment when it materialized, but now I wasn't so sure.
Lilith had turned to look at it too, after a moment saying "It's like it's always been there."
The next 3 hours passed slowly, painfully. We snapped plenty of pictures of the door at every conceivable angle on our respective phones, videos too, and decided that after it disappeared again we should take footage of the bare wall for contrast. Lilith and I chatted a bit, but it was hard to continue conversations for long. Now that we had noticed it, we could feel the wrongness emanating out from the door, as if we were being watched by something just out of sight.
I don't know if there is such a thing as true evil, some sort of absolute moral right and wrong on a spiritual level. But being near that door, I felt like I was bearing witness to an atrocity against reality itself. We spent the last 2 hours of observation in nearly complete silence. It seemed like the longer we were cognizant of the door, the worse the feeling of discomfort got. If you've ever been on a roller coaster, you'll be familiar with the feeling of going up the track towards a long drop, the tension in your very blood as you brace yourself for the fall to come. As we sat there, I felt something similar.
I almost wanted to call the whole thing off, just have Lilith and I go to a 24 hour fast food place or something and call it a night. But I had to know.
Unlike with the door's appearance, we noticed when it started to open. We sat there, paralyzed with fear and excitement as it slowly started to creak open, the worn hinges squealing just as I thought they would. The room grew significantly colder, until we were both shivering intensely. Behind the door was void, absolutely void. It was black as the depths of the ocean and emanated pure dread. The smell of incense and scented candles seemed to dissipate, replaced with a vague stench like rotting seaweed.
Finally, the entrance was swung fully open, and we sat there, staring blankly into it. We didn't even try to pull out our phones to record what we saw. The thought to do so didn't cross my mind until well after.
I could see something start to move in the darkness beyond, some sort of motion, spidery, skittering. It was coming towards us. I caught a vague glimpse of a long, thin limb reaching out from the door, coming towards us, grasping blindly from out of the dark, and then-
I felt the sun shining on my face, my entire body sore.
I opened my eyes to find myself lying on the ground, outside. There were trees overhead, but the foliage wasn't dense enough to block out the light which had awoken me. All things being equal, I would have preferred my alarm clock.
I stood up, painfully, taking stock of my surroundings. I was in a park, one which I had been to before, located a couple miles from my apartment. I looked for my phone, but couldn't find it. I began to stumble my way back home, trying my best to ignore my aching muscles. I called out for Lilith a couple times, but was met only with silence. She was gone.
As I limped my way along, a passing jogger called out "Nice tattoo". Confused, I looked down at my arm.
Burned into my flesh in white letters, as if through frostbite, were the words "BRING MORE".

Hi guys, I did OE for 3 weeks last year when I left one job for another. I purposely did not give my two weeks until my first day at the new job and my original job wanted 3 weeks notice, which I agreed to. It was too stressful to work both of those jobs because once I put in my notice, J1 was up my ass about documenting everything and J2 required TONS of trainings and time. I thought OE wasn't for me but then I realized I did it wrong and original J1 would have been perfect for OE had I not told them I was leaving. Also, I was in the middle of a cross country move from Michigan to California during all of this. It was wayyyy too much.
Fast forward to a year later.
breakdown:
J1 - 190k base salary. senior position. tech start up. toxic culture. I'm 1 of 2 engineers on my team. Excellent pay. Using new technology. I have a nice MacBook. High turn over in general at the company. Cameras on during meetings, strongly encouraged, esp with leadership.
J2- 120k base salary. L2 (of 4) I downplayed my skills massively. 1 of 5 engineers on my team and I'm the most junior one as far as leveling goes. Old technology (ew-teradata) mixed with new technology (DBT + python). They gave me a gross Dell. I don't even connect it to my nice external monitor. I NEVER have to have my camera on.
J3 - It's technically considered a side hustle by most but I am a sitter on Rover and I bring in at least 5k a month on that, 7-9k if there's a holiday that month. I pay all my main bills (rent, utilities, car repairs, landscaping, water, etc.) from this money. My partner and I then split what is left over 50/50. This month I got $1500 after all was said and done.
After a year at J1 I got J2. After two months working both jobs I get promoted to Tech Lead at J1 and recieved a glowing midYear performance review (protip- tell ChatGPT to rewrite your performance review as if it was written by Anthony Bourdain, Jughead Jones, Sun Tzu, etc.).
I don't plan on working J2 forever, but I am going to work it as long as possible. I had a massive amount of CC debt, property taxes on rental properties, repair costs on rentals, and personal taxes to pay off. In the past year, while working just J1 and doing Rover I was able to pay off 26k in CC debt, 15-ish k in repair costs, and 3k on taxes). I got J2 to seal the deal on getting out of debt regarding the rental properties, pay personal taxes, rebuild my savings, and prepay for both personal and property taxes come 2024 tax season. I have 20k left in taxes to pay off and I just transferred 8k to start paying that down. I get paid on the same day for both jobs so having 8k show up in my account every two weeks has been a god send.
I've had several people tell me this is all "normal" debt to have and I should just pay it down slowly over time like everyone else. I messed up last year when I mismanaged my properties and I'm only just now recovering. Props to some people for choosing what's best for them but I need to pay this off ASAP. I used to invest 1k a month into the stock market and I would really like to get back to that.
​
Current Debt:

1. Property Taxes - 12k
2. Personal Taxes - 15k (I'm on a payment plan but I would like to just pay it off)
3. Projected Property Taxes due in 2023 - 10k
4. Projected Personal Taxes due in 2023 - *shudders to think* I need to meet with my accountant to even guess. Rover has me as a contractor and I have an LLC so I'll owe around 20% of my earnings. I'll probably owe 15k in personal taxes.
5. Personal Business Loan - 19k
6. H Loan - 120k

So I guess if I stay diligent I could have items 1-4 paid off by December 😂 😭. I really should be either putting some of this money away to have on hand, or cash out refi my properties to have a cushion.
​
Thanks guys!