Newsweek wordle hint today

Spoiler for the Wordle for today

2023.03.30 06:58 Mr_Metagross Spoiler for the Wordle for today

It's Bread
submitted by Mr_Metagross to silenthill [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 06:40 Sick_trix WTS BUGOUT CLONE BONANZA

Hello folks of knife swap!
Today, I have many bugout clones! I order them from AliExpress and ship them here to the states, so I can sell them with super fast shipping and an actual guarantee that you’l get your gorgeous blade. It should be known that all profits will be going towards my first vehicle! Ask me about what I’m aiming for! Hint: early 90’s, Japanese, luxury, first model for its brand ever released.
If the price is too steep for you, and you’re not looking for fast shipping, or maybe you’re outside of the U.S, feel free to go buy one off Ali or DH.
Anyways, on to the details / important stuff! Here are the colors I have in stock, followed by the amount of them in stock. Each knife is brand new in box, completely unused. I haven’t even opened most boxes!
Black with standard blade 4
Black with black blade 6
Blue with standard blade 3
Blue with black blade 4
Khaki with standard blade 3
Khaki with black blade 5
Red with standard blade 2
Red with black blade 3
What you get in the box: here
Time stamps (30 knives total): here
For each knife, $35 is my asking price. If you’re buying several, or really just need a dollar knocked off the price, I can throw you a little discount, I don’t mind at all. Just good knives for a good car, fueled by a great community.
Thanks everyone!
submitted by Sick_trix to Knife_Swap [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 05:23 Objective-Test5021 How should I (24m) deal with this “situation” involving a coworker (25f)

Let me (24m) start off by telling you guys one of my biggest flaws. Unless a woman comes up to me and tells me she is in love with me, I would have absolutely no idea. No amount of clues and hints could/would ever do the trick.
Now that thats out of the way, let me get to the issue. I recently started a job in Boston. A job I’m not really fond of, and the fact that I had to move cities and leave behind all of my friends and live here all alone, does not make me feel any better. There is one coworker (25f) here who I do get along with. She’s really sweet and we do talk outside of work as well, albeit, very little. I interned at this company last summer, and that’s when I first met her, and we went out for a movie and once for lunch. Even exchanged phone numbers, but never really texted back and forth.
This year, I was offered a second internship and we connected again. She was happy to see me and so was I. I was recently offered a full time position here and I accepted. She was really happy for me and wants to take me out to celebrate. Here’s where the confusion begins.. She’s always been super sweet, but today she suggested we go out for drink’s tomorrow after work. She had told me earlier that she was going to be going for a movie with her friends tomorrow. When I asked her about that, she said she was not interested in the movie and would rather be out with me. Then, she asked me if I would be working full time from Boston or back home, and I said Boston. (I had bitched quite a lot to her about having to move cities and how I didn’t like Boston as I don’t have any friends here.) She said she was really happy that I would be here as she would be able to see me “a lot more often” outside of work now.
Now, I hope I am reading too much into this but as referenced earlier, if there is some intent, I would not be able to gauge it. I have been guilty of leading people on in the past and I do not want to do that anymore. One part of me wants to cancel the plan for tomorrow, but then if she really does want to just be a friend, I would be shooting myself in the foot. How do I go about dealing with this “situation” without being an inconsiderate ass?
TL;DR: Not sure girl likes me. Sure I don’t like her. Would love a friend but would hate to lead someone on.
submitted by Objective-Test5021 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 04:36 BiasMushroom Nature of Humanity Ch. 6

“A Rose by any Other Name” Part 5
(Part 1) (Previous) (Next Part)

(First Chapter) / (Previous) / (Next Chapter)

A Fanfic of u/SpacePaladin15’s work “The nature of Predators” Thank you for the story!


Memory transcription subject: Talen, Prime News Anchor
Date [standardized human time]: September 1st, 2136

I was honestly surprised that Kotaka allowed me to go back to work so soon after the incident. I imagine this was about all he could think to do, to help me out. Give me something productive to do while I sorted my life out.

Kotaka held up a paw while watching the control monitors. He brought down one digit, then another, and finally pointed to me with the last one to let me know we were live.

“Breaking news. The Venlil and Human that have been missing in action since the Arxur attack on the Outpost station that was hosting half of the Human-Venlil Exchange Program on [August 21st], have made their way back to us in a stolen Federation craft.” I let out a sigh. “The Human known as Marcel was in a critical condition, while his partner Slanek was injured but stable. We will now show you a recording of the incident. If you are prone to fainting or other outbursts please block this show for the next [minute] as the contents of this video are quite disturbing.”

I watched the video captured on the station as it played to the billions here on Venlil Prime. I knew its contents, yet still felt a sense of dread. That could have easily been Elva and Trissa, maybe even Rose and myself if I wasn’t such a pathetic excuse for a man. The video showed Human paramedics carrying Marcel’s form on a stretcher out of the craft. The easiest thing to notice was how his body seemed to be starved. How his abdomen was caved in and his skin clung tightly to his bones. Then you got a clear look at what was once a face. Mashed, bruised, swollen and broken, he didn’t even look human anymore.

I felt envious of that Venlil. Not for his situation, but for his character. He was more incensed than the humans that had just seen what happened to one of their own pack members. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that Slanek never hesitated in trying to save his human. I almost didn’t catch my cue that we were going live again. I quickly composed myself.

“What you have seen here is the after effects of Federation torture of their Human prisoner. The story that we have so far is that Marcel made a call to lure the Arxur attacker away from the outpost. Where their ship became disabled and rescued by Captain Solvin. Marcel was fitted with an electric shock collar, beaten, and starved for days before Slanek woke from a coma. Slanek was taken to see Marcel in an attempt to convince him that they are savage beasts. When that failed the Federation Captain attempted to feed Slanek to his Human partner. Slanek was later able to convince Captain Solvin’s first officer, Recel, to betray his Captain and save Marcel. The trio stole a federation craft and made their way back to Venlil Republic space where Marcel is still in critical condition but being treated.” I took in a deep breath as my co-host continued.

“For those out there that still believe Humans are simply biding their time, or will slip into predatory behavior if they are stressed out, here is proof that even if they are starving to death, they will not attack and attempt to eat a Venlil. We have contacted the UN for an official statement on what they plan to do and have been notified they will give an official statement soon. We will continue to cover this story as it unfolds.”

With that, we were off of the air. I leaned back in my chair and pressed the pads of my paws to my eyes. Kotaka’s soothing voice poured over my head like a warm shower. “How ya doing Talen? Need any meds?” I didn’t speak, just flicked my tail no. “Guess you were thinking about how easily that could have been Elava and Trissa?” He could read me like a book.

“I had been. I was also thinking about how that could have been myself and Rose.” My best friend took me into a hug and I gripped him tightly in turn. When I felt my pulse start to slow down to a healthy level I loosened my grip. “Rose went no contact. I don’t know if that was her or her parents' decision.”

Kotaka placed a paw on my shoulder. “Sometimes that is how life is. Sometimes we don’t get a second chance. We have to make do with the one we had.” I closed my eyes tightly, I could feel my ears flick uncomfortably. “I know. That’s why I need to work now. I have to make sure this doesn’t happen again. We have a duty to make sure ignorance doesn’t hurt more innocent people.” I felt a bit of comradery as Kotaka’s eyes lit up and his ears stood at attention. “Atta boy! There is the justice caller I found on the streets! Glad to have you back! Let’s get to work!”


Memory transcription subject: Talen, Prime News Anchor
Date [standardized human time]: September 3rd, 2136

Honestly, I can’t tell how I let time get away from me. One moment I am at home hoping Elva might call me and the next my 1 [day] break is over. I had to sprint through the Shift Crowds to make it to the studio in time. I combed my fur in a last minute attempt to make myself presentable. I tucked my brush away just before we went live.

“In [today’s] news UN Bombers have just made a Pre-emptive strike against Gojid Military Outposts. This may come as a shock, but we have been aware that the Gojid government was preparing its forces to send a fleet to Earth and exterminate all ten billion members of Humanity. We also know their next target would have been us here on Venlil Prime.” I readjusted myself in my seat. “As it stands right now, there has been no official statement from Governor Tarva about our stance on this attack against the Gojid’s but it would be safe to assume that we will support Humanity.”

My Co-host picked up where I left off. “We have had the opportunity to interview a few members of our defense forces, and the general feel of our soldiers appears to be support for the Human cause. Many of them have volunteered in support, with a lot stating that they are neutral but if Tarva orders for them to join Humanity in the assault they will not hesitate. Many of our honorable defenders believe Humanity may be the key to finally turning the war against the Arxur and bring peace back to the Galaxy.”

I missed my cue to speak again as I gently ran the thought of peace through my head. A concept that not even my grandparents were born with. Thankfully my Co-host slapped her tail against mine to bring me back to reality. “Uh, Sorry. Got distracted by the thought of peace! Ahem. In other news, distribution of Human fruits and vegetables across Venlil Prime is happening again! If you missed the chance to try these foods, please head to your nearest distribution point! They are prioritizing the least fortunate first but expect to have plenty to share with everyone! It turns out a lot of foods are simply overproduced on Earth and go bad before they have a chance to eat them! I highly recommend the fruit called a Buh-nah-nuh. Their soft shell goes really well with almost gooey inside. It actually has enough potassium and fiber in it that Doctors have started talks to discuss making our own Buh-nah-nuh plantations to ensure we have an ample supply!”

I don’t really know when but at some point I zoned out of the broadcast and just auto-piloted my way through the rest of the broadcast. It wasn’t until my co-host placed a paw on my shoulder thanking me for recommendation to try a Buh-nah-nuhs that I realized the show had even ended.

For once, I was vaguely aware of my trip home as well. I was aware of the store where Elva and I would meet after work. I was aware of just how lonely the walk to my home was without her. I had a few glances of propaganda posters strewn about. Half of them depicted Humans offering a hand of friendship while the other held Human eating utensils, and the other half were advertising the positive aspects of Humanity. I wondered which ones were more effective. I would bet credits on the fear mongering being the most effective.

Maybe I could use that to my advantage. Use the tactics of my ‘enemy’ against themselves. Let the people know who or rather what they should really fear…


Memory transcription subject: Talen, Prime News Anchor
Date [standardized human time]: September 5th, 2136

I rushed into the office. Kotaka was quick to get with me. It didn’t take long for us to start putting the facts together. We got the times, the words and even the official statements all lined up. Kotaka started the equipment while I got into position. It wasn't often that Prime News got caught slacking off, but there was no way in the void we were going to let Gal News of all stations get this on the air before us. Kotaka counted me down as I began speaking.

“Sorry to interrupt your scheduled programming but we have breaking news! Governor Tarva has released an official statement that the borders are now open for all outgoing craft. Let me be clear ONLY outgoing craft. If you wish to leave Venil Republic space you will not be able to come back even with citizenship for the current moment.

This comes before the announcement that Tarva and Ambasador Noah will be taking a craft with the Human hero Recel, to Aafa for a Federation summit on what to do about Humanity and our Republic. The hope is to plead for a ceasing of hostilities between the UN and the all Federation members. We will continue to bring you the news as it unfolds. We will now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… Whenever my Decider remembers how to operate our equipment… anytime now Kotaka.”

He waved his tail at me and with his ears pinned back “THERE! WE ARE OFF THE AIR NOW! YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO CALL ME OUT LIKE THAT!” Despite his loud outburst I could see him start to break, and it didn’t take long for the two of us to be bent over laughing our tails off.

“By the sun Talen… I haven’t felt this kind of rush in years. It’s good to get back to the daily grind every so often.” He took a deep breath in. “What do you make of all this?” He held his arms up and gestured to nothing in particular.

I just sat back into my chair and pulled out my pad to start researching today's events. “Honestly… we might just have a chance. With everything that's happening I worry about the war with… SPEHG! GET THE SHOW RUNNING AGAIN! THE UN JUST GAVE US AN OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!”

Kotaka sprung back to life and ran to the camera. He simply yelled live this time without a countdown.

“I apologize for interrupting again but the UN has just issued an announcement. They are currently making plans for a ground invasion of the Gojid Cradle. All attempts at peace talks have failed. Tarva has already authorized General Kam to assist in the operations. The Venlil Republic and UN of Earth are now officially at war with the Gojids and if the Summit does not go in our favor… The Federation in its entirety.” I took a moment to calm myself. “We will be in touch with you all the moment we get more news. Stay tuned.”

I nodded to Kotaka who ended the stream and just slunk to the floor. The sound of paw steps rushing into the building was the only thing to break the silence. Soon enough our entire crew had arrived and was pouring over everything that was released. I stood up and joined my fellow Journalists and Researchers. We had work to do.


Memory transcription subject: Talen, Prime News Anchor
Date [standardized human time]: September 23rd, 2136

I felt like a mess, despite everyone in the studio saying I looked fine. I was living off of a few [hours] of sleep just like every other person here in the studio. The only bit of pride I really felt was getting in touch with Human News Channels to share any information we might have. It was a bit disappointing to learn that our governments were being as shy with information to their own peoples as they were to the others but this is war. Our Human journalists were able to provide a lot of information that hinted at what was to be expected, and with those hints we… ugh to use a human phrase… Hunted down anything that could give us insights into what was going on besides what was officially released.

Kotaka walked up “So far as I can tell, General Kam has sent a lot of troops and supplies into Human territory judging from the warp signatures and the large movement of supply trucks and personeel to military star-ports. I gotta hand it to Terran Journalism. They know how to root up good info. You are on in five by the way.” I waved my tail in acknowledgment but didn’t speak.

I took in a deep breath to steady myself. “Hello again. While we have not had an official statement from acting Governor General Kam, there is enough evidence to support that the invasion of the cradle is happening today. Between movements of troops and warp signatures we tracked. We estimate that the battle of the cradle is happening right now. Our researchers have confirmed that the cradle has completely blacked out and is neither sending or receiving information on civilian channels.”

I sat up straight in my chair and tried to seem calm and rational. “We have been in contact with Human Journalists on Earth, and have colluded with them to learn that the UN is keeping them in the dark just as much as Kam is keeping us unaware of their actions. The Earth Journalists have stated that it is odd that journalists were not allowed to join… I'm sorry one moment.” I held a paw to my earpiece as Kotaka filled me in. They had just received an invitation to send journalists to the front. The UN was also now allowing their own reporters to go.

I turned to the camera again. “Breaking news. Both General Kam, and the UN are allowing reporters to join in the operations and report on the actions going on. We have already sent a few of our own to the starports. It is to our understanding that the UN allows this as both a method of allowing their citizens to understand the horrors of war but to also hold their own accountable should they violate the rules of war that they call the Geneva Convention. If you missed the report we did of it, please see archives on our site to bring yourself up to speed.”

I held a paw to my ear again to get a few more instructions. “We have an official statement from General Kam. Today the UN made landfall on the Cradle. By deploying paratroopers, that is soldiers who… drop from aircraft at altitude and use special cloth sheets to catch the air and slow their descent so they might deploy behind enemy lines, they were able to deal a one-sided defeat to various Gojid military bases. They have not yet captured the leaders, but currently occupy several settlements across the cradle.” With that last bit of jarring news, we left the air.

It was simply stunning that they were able to effectively capture the cradle in such a short window of time. If Humanity truly wished to enslave us or turn us into cattle they were more than capable of doing so. I know that's not the case though. They want to either join our herds or have us join their packs. I really didn’t even know if those were different things.

I approached Kotaka. “Hey. I had a thought… If humans wanted to, they could have easily enslaved us. It wouldn’t have even been much of a struggle. Though I know they don’t want that. They would rather join our herds or have us join their packs. My thought is… what's the difference?” Kotaka eyed me up and down before his tail started to flick wildly with excitement. “Wait… I think I see where you are going with this. Humans never refer to them as packs too… Hang on. We got a bit to go over first but I will see about getting an interview with a human. I know you might not be comfortable with that, but I want to try talking to one, so I will handle it this time.” I waved my tail in acceptance, and made my way to the break area for a nap. I wasn’t quite ready to face a human yet. I couldn’t forgive myself yet.


This is part five to the “A Rose by Any Other Name” Arc! And happens to be the sixth chapter of “The Nature of Humanity! A multi arc story by me! Hopefully more in the style of NoP as a whole!

I noticed some of my links aren't working like they should, and also the editor for redditors isn’t always letting me insert links. Is anyone else having these issues? Also is anyone reading this part? I do ask questions here and if this is not being read then I need to change up how I do things so please, tell me. What do you think of Talen? And is there any character you would like to see more of?

As with all of my fanfics this is considered creative commons by myself so feel free to grab anything from my stories to use in your own works! I would appreciate a shout out for this but that isn’t required.


“The Nature of Humanity” (First Chapter) / (Previous) / (Next Chapter)

“The First Human Extermination Officer” (Part 1)

“A Rose by Any Other Name” (Part 1) (Previous) (Next Chapter)
submitted by BiasMushroom to HFY [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 04:27 Nearby_Opening_7435 Wheel whistling/squeal like noise ONLY when passing buildings/cars

2013 Cadillac SRX fwd 97k miles. I noticed today when I had the window down that there what’s a whining/whistling/squealing like noise coming from what appeared to be the front driver side tire. I could argue there’s a minor grinding element to the noise but not exactly. It has a “whistle whistle whistle” pattern to it. But kinda rough sounding as well.
The odd part is it can only be heard if I am passing close by a building, another car, or driving along a curb. If it’s an open road it’s dead silent. Not a peep.
Seems to happen only when I’m coasting or lightly accelerating only over maybe 15 mph. Any faster than 40 and it’s gone. It also can not be heard at all with the window up. Totally gone and not even a hint of noise. Even with the window down it’s too faint to be picked up by my phone.
Curious if anyone has any insight into this behavior? If I had to bet money I guess I’d lean towards a wheel bearing JUST starting to fail but it’s such odd behavior I can’t exactly tell.
submitted by Nearby_Opening_7435 to MechanicAdvice [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 04:12 AstroTrombonist99 WIBTA If I made my friend to apologize to me?

I recently came out as Bi to my friends. At school I have had a crush on this girl for a while, (we‘ll call her Brogan). Brogan, is one of my best friends, and Ive had a crush on her almost ever since we met. Two weeks ago, I confessed to my other best friend Winter that I had feelings for Brogan. Winter and Brogan are best best friends, they always hang out and text eachother. At school I was (somewhat) dropping hints that I had feelings for a girl. So after school I admitted I did to Winter. Turns out, Brogan was suspicious that I liked a girl. Brogan wouldn’t quit texting Winter on who I had feelings for. When I admitted my feelings for Brogan to Winter, Winter promised to not tell Brogan. Well turns out Winter told Brogan the day I admitted my feelings to Winter. I just found out today that Brogan knew this whole time. For two weeks. I told Winter how upset it made me, and I cried a lot. I am now considering making her apologize to me for not keeping her word, and potentially ruining me and Brogans friendship. WIBTA?
submitted by AstroTrombonist99 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 04:09 Modernwhofan Cryptic hints

Two hints were dropped in the teasers channel on the discord earlier today.
  1. Simply an image of the word school
  2. The following in a code or quote box-

123 173 211 0 40 86 
I think I know what the second one means, but I want to hear what y'all think they mean.
submitted by Modernwhofan to AfterTheEndFanFork [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 03:42 Kandace180 Housemate never contributes to cleaning common areas

So this housemate just moved in (24F) two months ago to a place where I've (29F) been living for almost 2 years now. It's a small two bedroom apartment with two bathrooms (thank fuck) but the common area is always, always, dirty. Even if it's a dish on the sink or something random on the floor, or leaving things on top of the dinner table when she gets home and doesn't get the hint that we EAT there and it shouldn't be a shelve for dirty things you bring from outside, to never taking out the trash or vaccuming the place, just basic cleaning things so the place doesn't turn to trash.
I asked her two weeks ago that we do a roster for cleaning, she said we don't need a roster that she'll do it. Nope, hasn't done a thing since.
I don't mind cleaning it because I like everything neat and tidy, and also leaving dishes in the sink for the day as I know we can get busy, but she'll abuse it and leave it for 2 or 3 days when all she does is work for a few hours and stay in her room the whole rest of the day, so clearly, it's not lack of time.
This morning I woke up and the whole floor had food crumbs everywhere, the whole sink was taken up by her things, even an ice bag as she had friends over so I couldn't even use the sink at all, bin was full both organic and recycling as if I don't do it, it overflows. She even opened another bag with trash in in that would probably have stayed for days if I hadn't said anything instead of just taking the old trash out to make more space.
It just feels annoying that the person moved in to a place where I've been living for almost 2 years and acts like I have to be okay with her cleaning habits whereas I'd be embarrassed to move in and act like this without consideration of the other.
I sent a message to her again telling her to clean it today and also I'm doing a roster for our cleaning since she hasn't done anything since I've asked her to. She told me we don't need a roster and also I need to understand she had friends over that night and "obviously wouldn't leave it like that".
I told her it's not her having friends over, it's the fact that she's been living here for two months and has never done anything except her own dishes and today I just had enough. I felt disgusted in my own house this morning and it's annoying to think that I'll get home after work super exhausted and again have to clean it. I've noticed I barely have time for me as I'm constantly doing all the house work while all she does is stay in her room talking loudly for hours nonstop.
That's also not adding the fact that she'll stay up until 2am banging doors and walking around, talking on her phone and having zero clue that it's late or not getting up with her alarm clock at 6am every morning and I have to put up with it for hours because she simply doesn't wake up (I've now learned a trick to call her phone to make it stop).
Ugh, I'm so tired of living with people who are self centered and selfish.
submitted by Kandace180 to badroommates [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 03:26 rojaskillsit Feeling different after playing 30 hours

So i recently purchased Omori for the Nintendo Switch after it being on my Wish List for quite some time. I’m sorry it took this long because it easily fell into one of my favorites of all time for so many reasons. I’m pretty sure i’m on the Sunny route & the story so far has kept me so interested that it’s actually exciting finding new or hidden dialogue which is usually lacking in most other games of it’s kind. I already can’t wait for my second play through which is also a very rare feeling for me.
Today I started exploring an area that the NPC’s are hinting is towards the end of the game when I started to feel noticeably drained and very sad. Obviously you get those tear jerker moments but even after putting down the game for a little I would still feel like that without even actually thinking about the game itself. The only time I ever felt anything even remotely similar I was a lot younger & more susceptible to it.
Has anyone else felt this way? I haven’t been discussing the game with anyone to avoid spoilers but i’d love to hear people’s overall opinions on the game and the relation it had to your own mental health.
submitted by rojaskillsit to OMORI [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 03:25 deadbandit19 Should I tell someone that the guys next to me uses alcohol and aspirin before donating?

The guy behind me today clearly said it out loud and the screening lady clearly heard and did nothinghe was trying to give me "hints" on how to make it faster. Not for nothing but I finished donating more, before him doing everything right. Anyway, he was clearly being serious and the lady did nothing about it, even when he said he tales aspirin before hand to thin his blood.
submitted by deadbandit19 to plassing [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 02:09 Thick-Understanding8 How to report a rude cal fresh worker (on the phone)?

I called cal fresh today (CA) looking to see if I can be added to the restaurant meals program since I am about to be homeless soon. I’ve been living at a Airbnb for months but I am running out of money, so I only have less than two weeks left.
The lady answering my call was very rude. I got her name and her worker code. She also was trying to hint she can add notes about people through her end. Could she add something bad about me on her side to mess up my benefits?
She had a entitled attitude the whole time and the way she spoke was very condescending.
Two questions, 1. Can state workers add details about someone to mess up their benefits? 2. How do I report a rude worker??
submitted by Thick-Understanding8 to foodstamps [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 01:50 lemonmelonlemonmelon Today, I bought stuff just for me. Just to make me happy. That's it.

I want to think I'm healing. Becoming more than the cookie cutter child my parents wanted me to be. I lost myself for quite a few years because of them. They wanted me to be more like them, follow in their footsteps. When I didn't, I was still supported by them, but the slight digs... "oh she would have made a great [blah] but doesn't have the motivation! She LOVED our jobs when she was younger [no I didn't] and ow there's so much wasted potential! Now I GUESS she's happy doing what she's doing, but it's just a shame". Just as a hint of what they were like.
I've become a recluse. Apart from my SO, I don't really interact with people I know IRL. All my energies have gone into customising builds in Minecraft, The Sims, even Final Fantasy. The house I've lived in for 10 years barely has any touch of what I like in it, because I never really was able to express myself through decorating. I have books, and some trinkets here and there, but it's who I was years ago when I was trying to move out of their shadow. Do I even like that stuff? I think I do, but is it because I actually like it, or I was conditioned to like it? I'm in my mid 30s now and the fact that I don't have a style, or my house doesn't feel like a home, bothers me. I should be a well rounded person, with a job I like, hobbies I can take part in, but it's really just existential dread.
Back to today. I bought some tea cups with a rabbit on them. Year of the rabbit, I was born in the year of the rabbit. And I put it in the china cabinet we've had for years that houses all of our extended family's china, fancy vases, all that. Today I was able to add the cups I bought, and it felt like I was taking *my personality* back, and finally starting to personalise the space I've been occupying. It may not feel like a lot to people in my life, but it's a step forwards for me.
submitted by lemonmelonlemonmelon to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 01:30 tonnie_taller ‘Quordle’ today: Here are the answers and hints for March 30

If Quordle is a little too challenging today, you’ve come to the right place for hints. There aren’t just hints here, but the whole Quordle solution. Scroll to the bottom of this page, and there it is. But are you sure you need all four answers? Maybe you just need a strategy guide. Either way, … Continue reading ‘Quordle’ today: Here are the answers and hints for March 30
submitted by tonnie_taller to Tonnie_Taller [link] [comments]

2023.03.30 00:33 BayouGuru67 BayouGuru's NEW Blue Conkys!

BayouGuru's NEW Blue Conkys!

BayouGuru's blue 1080p conky, now DUAL conkys and a new look!
So, I've been very busy in the intervening weeks since I posted the original and second versions of my conky script. Today, I got my mind blown out of the blue (Pardon the pun!) by a redditor from Uruguay who had modified version 2 of my script to suit his/her needs and sent me a screenshot! AWESOME! I am so honored and truly glad that my efforts have inspired someone else! In light of this, I figured I should probably post an update since my script has changed so much since then. It's still blues and golds, but everything else has changed! I am now on major version 5 of the script, which, as you can see, is now 2 conkys!
I now have hard drive temperatures working thanks to hwmon! (No hddtemp needed! (It's done via smart control I think.) Find the hard drive temps in your hwmon directory. If they aren't there, search for how to "add hard drive temperature to hwmon". If you already have a conky running, you will likely need to edit the hwmon addressing once the hard drive(s) thermal monitors are added to your sensors list via sensors-detect, as it changed most of them on mine after it added my 2 drive temps. A minor hassle in trade for the drives temp info!
Speaking of sensors, it (sensors/sensors-detect) apparently does not see my case fan for some reason. It's in the hwmon directory and I found and confirmed it with certain other monitoring tools which DO see the fan. Dunno why, but I thought it best to inform you of this fact here so you can look through your hwmon directory and perhaps find sensors you didn't know were there!
Be sure to search for your specific mainboard model and "sensor info". You should be able to find a file and command to run that will add the correct common names for all of the detected devices on the mainboard instead of just fan1 in your sensors report. Very nice!
My current "projects" are to try to optimize my code, because it's been an edit-fest lately. Caught about a half dozen duplicate font commands just this morning! I'm not pretending it's perfect, but it currently reports no errors when I run it from the terminal, so, YAY!
I want to dynamically resize the bottom of the ramtopconky when there's less than 12 hosts connected. That's the top item on my "I wish I knew how to do that" list!
Rather than write a book about what else I've done, here's all of the info/requirements/scripts:
I am using different fonts than the previous version. Bear in mind that I am using some voffsets to adjust for some font wierdness, so this conky will likely not look good at all if you do not have these fonts installed and/or haven't done some pretty heavy editing to realign everything! :) The fonts used are as follows:
  • Arial - Part of the Microsoft core fonts installation package, it is still used for the graph scales.
  • Terminus(TTF) - The new main font! I found this font while looking for LCD clock fonts, but loved the retro digital look with a full character set (unlike OCR) so much that it'sa now the main font!
  • Fira Code Nerd Font - A FANTASTIC and HUGE set of icons/symbols-in-a-font!
  • Ubuntu Condensed - It's the only readable font that would fit the entirety of those long aws hostnames on one line.
Don't forget to fix the wrapped text in the conky configs below if you're going to try to edit/use them, and do it before you try to use them or EWWW! :)
The loader script: (Replace "bayouguru" with your username, or edit the path appropriately for your system.)
#!/bin/sh if [ "$DESKTOP_SESSION" = "plasma" ]; then sleep 3s killall conky cd "/etc/conky" conky -d -c "/etc/conky/conky.conf" & cd "/home/bayouguru/.conky/" conky -d -c "/home/bayouguru/.conky/ramtopconky.conf" exit 0 fi 
-- -- BayouGuru's System Conky Config! -- Major revision number: 5 -- version: 2023-3-28.1953 -- conky.config = { update_interval = 1, net_avg_samples = 1, cpu_avg_samples = 1, total_run_times = 0, alignment = "top_left", gap_x = 2, gap_y = 2, minimum_width = 260, maximum_width = 260, own_window = true, own_window_type = "normal", own_window_hints = "undecorated,below,sticky,skip_taskbar,skip_pager", own_window_transparent = false, own_window_argb_visual = true, own_window_argb_value = 180, double_buffer = true, use_xft = true, font = "Terminus(TTF):size=11", short_units = true, temperature_unit = "fahrenheit", draw_outline = true, draw_shades = true, draw_graph_borders = false, own_window_colour = "080721", default_outline_color = "080721", color0 = '080721',--Dark Blue - Background color1 = 'lightblue',--Light Blue - Labels color2 = 'gold',--Gold - Monitored Item (Frequently Updates) color3 = 'orange',--Orange - Monitored Item (Infrequently Updates/Versions) color4 = 'green',--Green - Headers color5 = '0064ff',--Blue - ANSI Header Art color6 = '2723a6',--Another Blue - Bar Fill color7 = 'white',--White - Drive Labels color8 = '0064ff',--Same as 5 - ANSI Forks color9 = '7777AA',--Greyish Purple - Bar Scales } conky.text = [[${font Terminus(TTF):size=30}${color1}${alignc}${time %I:%M:%S%P}${font} ${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=14}${color1}${alignc}${time %A %B %e, %Y}${font} ${color4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${alignc} ${execi 6000 cat /proc/cpuinfo grep 'model name' sed -e 's/model name.*: //' sed -e 's/Processo/' sed -e 's/(tm)/™/' sed -e 's/(R)//' sed -e 's/CPU//' sed -e 's/@/:/' sed -e 's/\ \ //' sed -e 's/[0-9].[0-9][0-9]GHz//'uniq}${font} ${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=11}Core 1${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 120}${cpu cpu1}${font} ${color1}%${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${freq 1} ${font}${color1}Mhz ${voffset -6}${color6}${goto 10}${cpubar cpu1 7,242} ${voffset -16}${color0}${goto 10}${execbar 7,242} ${voffset -12}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└──────────────────────────┘${goto 63}┴${goto 126}┴${goto 189}┴ ${voffset -4}${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=11}Core 2${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 120}${cpu cpu2}${font} ${color1}%${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${freq 2} ${font}${color1}Mhz ${voffset -6}${color6}${goto 10}${cpubar cpu2 7,242} ${voffset -16}${color0}${goto 10}${execbar 7,242} ${voffset -12}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└──────────────────────────┘${goto 63}┴${goto 126}┴${goto 189}┴ ${voffset -4}${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=11}Core 3${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 120}${cpu cpu3}${font} ${color1}%${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${freq 3} ${font}${color1}Mhz ${voffset -6}${color6}${goto 10}${cpubar cpu3 7,242} ${voffset -16}${color0}${goto 10}${execbar 7,242} ${voffset -12}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└──────────────────────────┘${goto 63}┴${goto 126}┴${goto 189}┴ ${voffset -4}${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=11}Core 4${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 120}${cpu cpu4}${font} ${color1}%${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${freq 4} ${font}${color1}Mhz ${voffset -6}${color6}${goto 10}${cpubar cpu4 7,242} ${voffset -16}${color0}${goto 10}${execbar 7,242} ${voffset -12}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└──────────────────────────┘${goto 63}┴${goto 126}┴${goto 189}┴ ${voffset -4}${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=11}Core 5${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 120}${cpu cpu5}${font} ${color1}%${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${freq 5} ${font}${color1}Mhz ${voffset -6}${color6}${goto 10}${cpubar cpu5 7,242} ${voffset -16}${color0}${goto 10}${execbar 7,242} ${voffset -12}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└──────────────────────────┘${goto 63}┴${goto 126}┴${goto 189}┴ ${voffset -4}${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=11}Core 6${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 120}${cpu cpu6}${font} ${color1}%${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${freq 6} ${font}${color1}Mhz ${voffset -6}${color6}${goto 10}${cpubar cpu6 7,242} ${voffset -16}${color0}${goto 10}${execbar 7,242} ${voffset -12}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└──────────────────────────┘${goto 63}┴${goto 126}┴${goto 189}┴${voffset 0} ${voffset -4}${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=11}Average: ${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 120}${cpu cpu0}${font}${color1} %${voffset -1}${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${freq 0} ${font}${color1}Mhz ${voffset -6}${color6}${goto 10}${cpubar cpu0 7,242} ${voffset -16}${color0}${goto 10}${execbar 7,242} ${voffset -12}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└──────────────────────────┘${goto 63}┴${goto 126}┴${goto 189}┴ ${voffset -8}${font Arial:size=8}${color9}0%${goto 58}25%${goto 122}50%${goto 184}75%${alignr}100%${font} ${color4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 120}SYSTEM${font} ${goto 40}${color8}${font Arial:size=13}┌${font}${color1} System Uptime:${color2}${alignr 3}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${uptime}${font} ${color1}${goto 7}${font Fira Code Nerd Font:size=30}${voffset -24}${voffset -1}${font}${goto 40}${color8}${font Arial:size=13}└${font}${color1} Pending Updates:${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 253}${execi 3600 aptitude search "~U" wc -l tail}${font}${color} ${color1}${goto 40}${color8}${font Arial:size=13}┌${font}${color1} CPU Core:${color2}${alignr}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 4 temp 1}${font}${color1}°F ${voffset 0}${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}${color8}├${font}${color1} CPU Socket:${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 3 temp 1}${font}${color1}°F${voffset 0} ${voffset 0}${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}${color8}├${font}${color1} Mainboard:${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 3 temp 2}${font}${color1}°F ${goto 7}${font Fira Code Nerd Font:size=36}${voffset -48}${voffset 19}${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}${color8}└${font}${color1} GPU Edge:${color2}${alignr}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 0 temp 1}${font}${color1}°F${voffset 0} ${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}┌${font}${color1} CPU:${color2}${alignr}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 3 fan 1}${font} ${color1}rpm${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 3 fan 1 0.0667 0,0} ${font}${color1}% ${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}${voffset -2}├${voffset 0}${font}${color1} GPU:${color2}${alignr}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 0 fan 1}${font} ${color1}rpm${alignr 1}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 0 fan 1 0.0270270 0,0} ${font}${color1}% ${goto 4}${font Fira Code Nerd Font:size=30}${voffset -38}󰫖${voffset 16}${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}${voffset -2}└${color1}${voffset 0}${font} Case:${color2}${alignr}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 3 fan 3}${font} ${color1}rpm${alignr}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 3 fan 3 0.0667 0,0} ${font}${color1}% ${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}┌${font}${color1} OS:${alignr 3}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${color3}Kubuntu 22.04.2 LTS${font} ${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}├${font}${color1} Plasma:${alignr 3}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${color3}${execi 3600 plasmashell --version sed 's/\plasmashell //g'}${font} ${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}├${font}${color1} Kernel:${alignr 3}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${color3}${execi 3600 uname -r sed -e 's/-generic//'}${font} ${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}├${font}${color1}${alignr 3}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${color3}${execpi 3600 ~/.conky/scripts/}${font}${color} ${goto 6}${color1}${font Fira Code Nerd Font:size=30}${voffset -54}${voffset 32}${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}└${font}${color1} GPU:${alignr 3}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${color3}${execi 3600 glxinfo grep "OpenGL version" cut -c52-70}${font}${voffset 0} ${voffset 3}${color4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${alignc} ${memmax}b RAM ${font} ${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}┌${font}${color2}${goto 55}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${mem}b${font}${color1}/${voffset -2}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${memperc}${font}${color1} %${goto 164}${font Terminus(TTF):size=11}${color1}Free:${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${voffset -1}${alignr}${memeasyfree}b${font}${color} ${goto 7}${color1}${voffset -24}${font Fira Code Nerd Font:size=24}${voffset 8}${voffset 0}${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}└${font}${voffset -4}${color1}${goto 54}${color6}${membar 7,199} ${voffset -16}${goto 54}${color0}${execbar 7,199} ${voffset -12}${goto 50}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└─────────────────────┘${goto 95}┴${goto 145}┴${goto 195}┴ ${voffset -8}${font Arial:size=8}${color9}${goto 48}0%${goto 91}25%${goto 144}50%${goto 196}75%${alignr}100%${font} ${color4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${alignc}NETWORK${font} ${goto 40}${color8}${font Arial:size=13}┌${font}${voffset -2}${font Fira Code Nerd Font:size=13}${color1} ${color2}${goto 92}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${upspeed enp6s0}${font}${goto 180}${voffset -2}${font Fira Code Nerd Font:size=12}${color1}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${alignr 3}${voffset -1}${downspeed enp6s0}${font} ${goto 40}${color8}${font Arial:size=13}├${font}${color1}${font} WAN IP:${color3}${alignr 3}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${execi 86400 dig +short}${font} ${goto 7}${color1}${voffset -20}${font Fira Code Nerd Font:size=26}${font}${goto 40}${color8}${font Arial:size=13}${voffset 0}├${font}${color1} LAN IP:${color3}${alignr 3}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${addrs enp6s0}${font} ${goto 40}${color8}${font Arial:size=13}└${font}${color1} Hostname:${color3}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=12}${alignr}${nodename}${font} ${color1}${color3}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=11}${alignr}${execi 60000 ~/.conky/scripts/}${font} ${voffset 3}${color4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${alignc}SWAP${font} ${voffset -4}${goto 40}${color8}${font Arial:size=13}┌${font}${color2}${goto 55}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${swap}b${font}${color1}/${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${voffset -2}${swapperc}${font}${color1} %${goto 160}${voffset -1}Free:${color2}${alignr 0}${voffset -2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${swapfree}b${font}${color} ${goto 11}${color1}${voffset -20}${font Fira Code Nerd Font:size=26}${voffset 4}${color8}${goto 40}${font Arial:size=13}└${font}${goto 53}${color6}${voffset -4}${swapbar 7,199} ${voffset -16}${goto 53}${color0}${execbar 7,199}${color} ${voffset -12}${goto 50}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└─────────────────────┘${goto 95}┴${goto 148}┴${goto 200}┴ ${voffset -8}${font Arial:size=8}${color9}${goto 48}0%${goto 91}25%${goto 144}50%${goto 196}75%${alignr}100%${font} ${color4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${alignc}STORAGE${font} ${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=12}${color7}/dev/sda5${font}${goto 160}${color1}Size:${color2}${alignr}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${fs_size /}b${font} ${color1}Temp:${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 48}${hwmon 2 temp 1}${font}${color1}°F${goto 160}${color1}Free:${color2}${alignr}${voffset -1}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${fs_free /}b${font}${color} ${color1}Used:${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${color2}${goto 48}${fs_used /}b${font}${color1}/${voffset -2}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${fs_used_perc /}${font}${color1} %${goto 156}${color6}${fs_bar 7,100 /}${font} ${voffset -16}${goto 156}${color0}${execbar 7,100}${color} ${voffset -12}${goto 152}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└──────────┘${goto 200}┴ ${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=12}${color7}/dev/sdb1${font}${goto 160}${color1}Size:${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${alignr}${voffset -1}${fs_size /home/bayouguru/WD-500GB/}b${font} ${font}${color1}Temp:${color2}${goto 48}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${hwmon 1 temp 1}${font}${color1}°F${goto 160}${color1}Free:${color2}${alignr}${voffset -1}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${fs_free /home/bayouguru/WD-500GB}b${font} ${color1}Used:${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${goto 48}${fs_used /home/bayouguru/WD-500GB/}b${font}${color1}/${voffset -2}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${fs_used_perc /home/bayouguru/WD-500GB/}${font}${color1} %${goto 156}${color6}${fs_bar 7,100 /home/bayouguru/WD-500GB/}${color} ${voffset -16}${goto 156}${color0}${execbar 7,100}${color} ${voffset -12}${goto 152}${color9}${font Arial:size=10}└──────────┘${goto 200}┴ ${voffset -8}${font Arial:size=8}${color9}${goto 152}0%${goto 196}50%${alignr}100%${font} ${voffset -528} ]]; 
-- -- BayouGuru's RAM and Top 12 & 5's Conky Config! -- version: 2023-3-29.0555 -- conky.config = { update_interval = 2, total_run_times = 0, alignment = "top_right", gap_x = 2, gap_y = 2, minimum_width = 300, maximum_width = 300, -- maximum_height = 875, -- minimum_height = 750, net_avg_samples = 2, cpu_avg_samples = 2, own_window = true, own_window_type = "normal", own_window_hints = "undecorated,below,sticky,skip_taskbar,skip_pager", own_window_transparent = false, own_window_argb_visual = true, own_window_argb_value = 180, double_buffer = true, use_xft = true, font = "Terminus(TTF):size=12", short_units = true, draw_graph_borders = false, draw_outline = true, draw_shades = true, temperature_unit = "fahrenheit", own_window_colour = "080721", default_outline_color = "080721", color0 = '080721',--Dark Blue - Background color1 = 'lightblue',--Light Blue - Labels color2 = 'gold',--Gold - Monitored Item (Frequently Updates) color3 = 'orange',--Orange - Monitored Item (Infrequently Updates/Versions) color4 = 'green',--Green - Headers color5 = '0064ff',--Blue - ANSI Header Art color6 = '2723a6',--Another Blue - Bar Fill color7 = 'white',--White - Drive Labels color8 = '0064ff',--Pink - ANSI Forks color9 = '7777AA',--Grey - Bar Scales } conky.text = [[ ${color4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=15}${alignc}${memmax}b RAM${font} ${color1}${goto 10}${color6}${membar 7,285} ${voffset -17}${goto 10}${color0}${execbar 7,285}${voffset 0} ${voffset -14}${color9}${font Arial:size=12}└─────────────────────────┘${goto 72}┴${goto 148}┴${goto 218}┴ ${voffset -10}${font Arial:size=8}${color9}0%${goto 70}25%${goto 145}50%${goto 216}75%${alignr}100%${font} ${goto 48}${color8}${font Arial:size=12}┌${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=12} Used:${goto 180}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${mem}b${font} ${color1}${goto 248}/${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${alignr 4}${voffset -1}${memperc}${color1}${font} % ${voffset -1}${goto 50}${color8}├${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=12} Free + easily freed:${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${alignr 4}${memeasyfree}b${font} ${voffset -2}${goto 50}${color8}├${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=12} Free physical:${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${alignr 4}${memfree}b${font} ${voffset -2}${goto 50}${color8}├${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=12} Cached:${color2}${alignr 4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${cached}b${font} ${voffset -2}${goto 50}${color8}├${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=12} Buffered:${color2}${alignr 4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${buffers}b${font} ${color1}${voffset -60}${font Fira Code Nerd Font:size=32}${voffset 32}${font}${goto 50}${color8}└${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=12} Threads:${color2}${alignr}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${running_threads}${font}${color1}${goto 236}of${alignr 4}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${threads} ${voffset -4}${color8}${stippled_hr} ${color4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=15}${alignc}Active Process Lists:${font} ${color4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=15}${alignc}Top 5 - RAM Usage${font} ${goto 15}${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=13}Processes:${goto 130}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}${processes}${goto 200}${color1}${font Terminus(TTF):size=13}Running:${alignr 4}${color2}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=13}$running_processes${font} ${color1}${goto 15}${font Terminus(TTF):size=13}Name${goto 180}RAM${goto 258}CPU${color5}${font} ${font Terminus(TTF):size=13}${color2}${goto 15}${top_mem name 1}${goto 155}${top_mem mem 1} ${color1}%${color2}${alignr 4}${top mem 1} ${color1}%${color2} ${goto 15}${top_mem name 2}${goto 155}${top_mem mem 2} ${color1}%${color2}${alignr 4}${top mem 2} ${color1}%${color2} ${goto 15}${top_mem name 3}${goto 155}${top_mem mem 3} ${color1}%${color2}${alignr 4}${top mem 3} ${color1}%${color2} ${goto 15}${top_mem name 4}${goto 155}${top_mem mem 4} ${color1}%${color2}${alignr 4}${top mem 4} ${color1}%${color2} ${goto 15}${top_mem name 5}${goto 155}${top_mem mem 5} ${color1}%${color2}${alignr 4}${top mem 5} ${color1}%${color2} ${color4}${font Terminus(TTF):bold:size=15}${alignc}Top 5 - 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submitted by BayouGuru67 to Conkyporn [link] [comments]

2023.03.29 23:55 wow_i_exist The Enemy in the Dark Forest

Unknown Date, Unknown location
The spacecraft were traveling at no faster than eighteen and three-quarters percent of the speed of light and were no bigger than several hundred meters in length. What little crew they had were all put under cryostasis and all systems were completely shut down, producing no more than a few dozen watts of waste heat for the entire fleet in total, rendering the vehicles almost invisible to anyone, if there were anyone, who was not looking hard enough.
The spacecraft continued on their journey of millennia, sent by their creators with a less-than-benevolent intent.
Standard Year 3275, Day 321, V2 Draconis, Control Center of Laser Highway Station 7G-S
*Sensors and Trajectory Officer Xyvan Karvyk*
Nu Draconis, a binary star system consisting of V1 Draconis and V2 Draconis, was probably the most boring system owned by humanity, having been colonized only recently almost a century ago. The system was barely populated even for its immense volume. It was very unlike Sol, which Xyvan Karvyk departed from, more than 500 years ago, on a ship zipping by at a leisurely twenty percent the speed of light, due to the lack of a laser deceleration system on the then untouched system, save for a few probes sent for fly-bys throughout the centuries.
If Xyvan remembered correctly, the population back on Sol was so high that there were millions of deaths every few seconds. Despite that, death itself, was not problem most folks had to deal with nowadays. Nu Draconis itself was very sparse, with a population of a few billion at most, though this was increasing extremely rapidly and steadily due to incoming immigration from some of the more developed systems humanity has already colonized, though the term “humanity” here is disputed, because this includes uploaded minds, true AI, and genetically engineered humans and animals…
Xyvan himself was a product of a bygone era. He was a baseline human, unmodified by the countless advancements that had been made in the centuries since he was born. It was a rare sight these days to see someone like him, who looked like they could have walked straight out of a history book. While gene editing had become a ubiquitous technology, allowing individuals to modify their genetic code to enhance their physical and mental capabilities, Xyvan had chosen to eschew these enhancements in favor of maintaining his original genetic makeup.
Pick any two people randomly from even the same star system and they would look as alien to each other as an actual hypothetical alien. Some have artificial enhancements, like bionic limbs and computer brains, making them essentially cyborgs. There are also those with animal DNA spliced into their own, resulting in strange new forms of life. And then there are those with completely artificial bodies, where their consciousness is uploaded into a machine. It's even possible for one person to exist in multiple copies or clones. The possibilities are endless, and the distinction between humans and non-human is now almost non-existent.
Xyvan, on the other hand, decided that he wasn’t gonna have any of them newfangled robot arms and computer brains so he decided to stick with his original layout, though with millions of nanomachines loaded inside his bloodstream, keeping him well-maintained and alive, possibly for millennia.
The 7G-S, nicknamed “The Golden Sunbeam” affectionately by its occupants, was of the standard dual-use medium-sized O’Neill cylinder and laser station variety designed to both keep areas traveled by spacecraft traveling at high fractions of the speed of light clear of dangerous debris and to either decelerate or accelerate those spacecraft to those speeds.
Most people on the station chose to remain baseline humans, though some opted for cybernetic enhancements to improve their physical abilities or to supplement their jobs. The residents all came together to Nu Draconis and were part of an interstellar colonization fleet, looking to escape Sol’s relatively cramped conditions, where they felt that they were no longer needed there. As much as they would not like to admit it, the baselines knew that they were no match for the other human variants. The uploaded minds could process information at lightning speeds, the AIs could analyze data with unparalleled precision, and the genetically-engineered humans and animals possessed physical and cognitive abilities that far surpassed their own.
So, they had set forth, on a centuries-long trip to a pristine star system untouched by anything intelligent, so that they’d be of use once again. At least that was the plan anyway. The company that had funded the colonization mission promised not to send anyone else with them for a few millennia, in exchange for developing the system. However, this promise did not stop other non-baselines from coming in much sooner, as they were able to fund their fleets and make their way to Nu Draconis by themselves. Though on the bright side, Nu Draconis is still very undeveloped as a system, especially compared to the inner-volume systems like Alpha Centauri and 40 Eridani, and may take several more millennia to catch up to them.
Xyvan sank into the plush, leather-like cushions of his chair, savoring the way they molded to his body. As he reclined further and further back, the chair let out a soft, high-pitched chirp of protest. He could feel the barely imperceptible vibration of the 1G spin-gravity that kept him comfortably grounded. The faint smell of recycled air and sterilized surfaces filled his nostrils, and the soft glow of the control panels cast a warm light on his face. His actual residence was on the 0.2G spin-gravity level of The Golden Sunbeam, which he complained that he felt too weightless at lower gravities, having grown up on Earth, where he was used to the constant pull of its gravity. Since leaving, he had been stationed on different planets and space stations with varying levels of gravity. While he could adjust to lower gravities after a while, it never felt quite right to him, and he always longed to return to the familiar 1G of Earth. He’d rather spend his time at his workplace, rather than at his residential room because it is at the 1G level, in addition to the Coriolis effect being significantly lesser this far out from the center of spin.
“Heads up, dirtballer,” his colleague Astrogation Officer Fejka Azmah said, jolting Xyvan out of his daydreaming.
“Dirtballer? Didn’t ya come from Mars yerself eh, dustballer,” Xyvan retorted.
“Umm…akshually, I grew up in a rotating drum AROUND Mars, not on it”, Fejka replied half-jokingly, pushing up her glasses for effect, the servos in her arms whirring softly.
“Why’d’ya even have those, yer basically a robot now,” Xyvan remarked.
“Well apparently, glasses are the ‘in thing’ in Sol right now, or at least a century ago, considering light lag. Also, I believe the correct term nowadays is ‘Cybernetically Enhanced Biological Lifeforms’,” Fejka said, smirking a bit.
“Huh? What is ya even talkin’ about? Anyhoo, why the hell is starin’ at screens for ‘ours on end even a job? What’d I even see ‘ere? Hell, these ships and trash floatin’ in space follow a ballistic trajectory, and ‘eir paths should be predictable out for light years, so why can’t the computer just do it itself?” Xyvan grumbled, looking begrudgingly at the screens showing the trajectories of various incoming and outgoing ships and numerous debris.
“Beats me. I guess that these jobs give people like us an excuse to be employed,” Fejka said. “I mean, it's not like anything exciting happens around here. Those VR-addicted slackers might have the right idea, but I’d rather be doing something productive. That being said, I totally agree. We just babysit these silly interstellar ships that come in, which is fine, but it's not exactly thrilling work,”
“True reality,” Xyvan said, nodding. “We're basically glorified security guards for ‘em ships. What’s worse is that we ain’t seeing any of ‘em interstellars passin’ by for years. Even the company stopped sendin’ us extra fusion fuel shipments for the laser, so even the laser’s useless for vaporizin’ debris. Kinda ironic, don’t ya think? ‘Cause we call this spinnin’ bucket the ‘The Golden Sunbeam’, yet the sunbeam’s never gettin’ any use,”
“Yeah, it's pretty disappointing,” Fejka agreed. “But hey, speaking of upgrades, when are you going to get around to it? We might as well make the most of our time here,”
“Upgrade? Um, yuck, no thanks! I’d like to keep me arms and guts until the Iron Star era, thank you. Kinda a waste of perfectly good limbs eh? There’s a reason why I’m in this bucket and not back in Sol!” Xyvan replied in disgust, sticking his tongue out for comical effect.
Xyvan continued, “Heck, ain’t those robo-eyes of yers only good for watching movies and shows all day. Ya sure ye ain’t a VR-addicted slacker yerself?”
Fejka laughed. “Well, you got me there. Though, I still look at the console every so often, so at least it’s considered as ‘working’. Anyway, have you heard that some guy on Epsilon Eridani apparently discovered a ‘cut and paste’ version of mind uploading, instead of simply creating a digital clone?”
“Yer considerin’ to do that?”
“Nah, it’s not worth the risk,” Fejka said with a shrug. “For all we know, it actually kills the user’s original consciousness in the process and replaces it with a digital imposter, with all the memories of the original, thinking that it is the original,”
Xyvan nodded in agreement “Yeah. To an outsider, it ain’t really makin’ a difference, but to the original…Well, it’s safe to say that the original is no longer with us,”
As they continued their conversation, the alarm on Xyvan's station suddenly blared, and red lights filled the room. Both of them jumped up from their seats and rushed over to the screen.
“Ughh…what is it now? Better not be some delivery freighter accidentally shining their thrusters directly at us again” Fejka murmured in annoyance.
“Huh? That's weird. There ain't supposed to be anyone passin’ round these parts—but looksy, a few dozen drive plumes just happened to appear out of nowhere,” Xyvan said, pointing to the infrared view of several blobs on the screen.
“They're decelerating hard too, 7Gs,” Fejka pointed out.
“Ain't that supposed to be rather soft for ya, Fejka? Anyhoo, why are they usin’ their thrusters to decelerate from that velocity, when the system already has lasers to do that for 'em?”
“I only got my limbs and eyes replaced!—Really wouldn't wanna be inside those ships for long. Back to the point, well, they DID seem to want to hide in the first place. Also, their current trajectory puts them on a relatively close fly-by,”
*Captain of 7G-S, Vong Zan’ir*
“Oh come on, why now‽ Why the fuck can’t it happen later!” Vong Zan’ir grumbled irritably, disturbed from his sleep by blaring sirens to a crimson-lit room.
“Hell, I should replace these shitty alarms with some Zen meditation chants,” Zan’ir snarled under his breath as he was putting on his clothing while cursing up a storm, the remaining remnants of sleep washing away as he injected himself with an anti-fatigue stimulant. Since he was a baseline human like the rest of the crew on The Golden Sunbeam, he was still entitled to some damn sleep.
Being the captain of The Golden Sunbeam, his living quarters were right next to the control center, should he be needed on short notice. Zan’ir dragged himself to the control center next door and entered.
“Captain Vong on deck!”, an officer announced.
Everyone in the room stood up and bowed.
“Damnit! What in the hell is happening‽” Zan’ir asked, to no one in particular.
“Cap’n, I think somebody just solved stealth in space,” Officer Xyvan Karvyk answered.
“Holy shit, really? That’s just what we needed today,” Zan’ir replied, rolling his eyes. He strode towards the sensors and navigation stations, and looked at the displays.
“Wha—what the absolute fuck is this?”
Displayed on the screen were the current positions of the ships and their calculated future trajectories. Each ship staggered from each other at varying distances, with some having a separation as far as a few light-seconds.
Zan'ir opened a telescopic view of the nearest spacecraft, located a few light-hours away. A new window on the screen appeared, depicting a view of the nearest spacecraft, displaying an infrared image of it. The drive plume appeared as an extremely bright steep cone, shaded in various hues of yellowish-white, indicating its intense heat. The actual spacecraft was a barely visible dot on top of the long exhaust stretching thousands of kilometers. Zan'ir couldn't help but notice that it resembled a pencil tip, reminiscent of the days when people used to write manually on paper.
Zan’ir further increased the magnification to reveal more details. The ship itself looked like a long needle, except for what seemed to be numerous glowing patches and a pair of huge glowing wings sticking out of its smooth surface. “Radiators”, Zan’ir said out loud. “Looks like they can’t wish away the laws of thermodynamics after all, even though they could somehow manage to sneak past the sensors from whatever place they come from, hmm?” Officer Fejka Azmah commented.
“What in the flaming hell is this crap? Are these jokers lost on their way to a fucking picnic‽ Nobody’s due to drop by for years!”, Zan'ir asked, spit flying everywhere, bewildered at the sight.
“Dunno, cap’n, all we were just here doin’ our thing then suddenly all of these ships appeared in the infrared. What’s funnier is that the LIDAR can’t even detect them on all of the frequencies, even though their RCS should’ve been visible to us at that range and beyond. Though if we used the main laser, we’d see them better,” Xyvan replied.
“Well, since they’ve revealed themselves, they can’t do the same trick they used to hide again,” Fejka mused.
Xyvan nodded in agreement. “Yup, it's the old ‘There ain’t no stealth in space’ problem. Even if they shut off their heat-producin' activities, we already know their velocity, so it's easy enough to extrapolate their current location. Changing direction would require another burn, and that's gonna produce heat, so they're screwed,”
“Well, the fact that they showed up suddenly without a trajectory plan being sent means this is already solid ground for us to blow them up—”
“Captain! We’ve got a message from DC-23-G!”, shouted Communications Officer Kallax Eket.
“DC? Oh, right, Dense Cloud Inc.—the uploaded minds,” Zan’ir sneered, rolling his eyes. “Oh joy. Our robotic overlords have graced us with their presence. What do they want?”
“Seems like they just sent the bogeys a message—it’s gonna take a while to arrive and any replies would similarly take a while to come back due to light lag, anyway, they asked the ‘stealth’ ships what they are doing, and what their purpose is—so, we don’t really need to do anything, for now. Also, they told us to extrapolate the direction they came from?”
Zan’ir groaned. “What a bunch of smug pricks. They don't trust us baselines to make the right decisions, so they send us a message to tell us to find out what the hell these jackasses are doing,” Zan'ir scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Yeah…the recipients’ list shows that the message is addressed to nearby baseline-human controlled ships and stations,” Kallax said.
"Typical. Bet they're just tickled pink that they get to sit back and watch us scramble to solve this mess," Zan’ir sighed. “Anyway, let’s backtrack their origins,”
“Already did it. Captain, but you probably need to wait a while, the computer’s crunching trying to account for thousands of years of stellar drift, because as of now, it basically traces to the void,” Fejka replied.
“Ah, the joys of interstellar travel. It's like waiting for a snail to crawl across the desert, only slower,” Zan'ir grumbled.
After several dozen seconds of loading, it was ready. Zan’ir took a look at the display and traced the stealth fleet’s velocity line from their current location to their origin. “Wait, that can’t be right…” Zan’ir took a look at the display again. It didn’t change. The label on top of the star system showed “V Puppis”.
“V Puppis? That’s hundreds of light-years away! A round trip to and from there at their velocity would literally take a longer time than we had spaceflight—” Zan’ir eyes widened as he began to put the pieces together.
“Aww…they noticed this first though we’re the nearest and the first to see this?” Xyvan said, finally breaking the silence. “Y’know, due to light lag, those DC guys are what, a light minute further away from the stealth bogeys?”
“Well, that’s the silicon shitheads for you. Fuckers could just hog like a few hundred times more of the electricity and suddenly time slows down a shit ton for them,” Zan’ir said.
“I guess it turns out aliens actually exist, eh?” Fejka commented.
“Yeah, aliens exist, and they're about as subtle as a ferret down your pants. Looks like it's gonna be a fun ride from here on out, folks. Space is too fucking big,"
“What’s a ferret?” Fejka asked, confused.
“Have you been to a zoo bef—actually never mind, you are from Mars,” Sensing that Fejka was about to tell him about her past visits to O’neill cylinder habitat preserves around Mars, Zan’ir quickly changed the topic.
“Egghead!” Zan’ir called out to The Golden Sunbeam’s resident Science Officer, Saikor Qorvan, who somehow managed to sleep through the commotion earlier on. Though Slumber Officer is probably a more accurate description. Nowadays, with nothing to do, and no exploration and research being done, he simply sleeps in the office. Zan’ir, seeing that Saikor has not awoken from his deep sleep, sauntered over to Saikor’s station opposite Xyvan’s and Fejka’s, smirking as he took in the sight of the science officer snoring away.
“Wakey wakey, Egghead,” he drawled, shaking Saikor’s shoulder until the man groggily opened his eyes.
“Wha—what happened,” Saikor asked groggily, barely awake, the last remnants of sleep still holding his eyes shut.
“Wow, you sure are working hard. Someday you might actually get a promotion!” Zan’ir said sarcastically, clapping his hand on Saikor’s shoulder.
“Yeah, someday, millions of years later,” Zan'ir replied, with a wry smile on his face.
Zan’ir didn’t have time for pity parties. He had more pressing concerns. “Anyway, any guesses on what the cloudbrains mean by ‘sending the bogies a message’? I assume they mean first contact protocols or some other shit. How are they gonna expect little green men from outer space to even understand our message protocols and reply back?”
“Uhh…” Saikor paused, thinking for a while to fully infer the situation. “Oh, first contact protocols! I studied that at university! Hmm, I think first you start with integers like 1, 2, 3, and so on, then universal constants, like Pi or prime numbers, or whatever. Something they can easily distinguish from natural nois—”
“Ah, yes, because that's exactly what aliens are looking for when they encounter an unknown civilization. A lesson in mathematics. Brilliant,” Zan'ir interrupted, shaking his head.
Saikor frowned. “You just told me to explain—”
“Yeah, I told you to explain, not to put me back to sleep! Try concision, Mr. Qorvan!”
“Umm…Start with a radio message by defining natural numbers and then universal constants. And throw in some radio trickery to display an image, if they analyzed the message correctly, so on and so forth until you can finally set up a basic language both parties can understand,”
Saikor, still confused about the whole ordeal, scratched his bald head. “So uh…what’s all this about with aliens and first contact?”
Zan’ir turned to Xyvan, who had been listening in on their conversation. “Tell him, Xyvan. Our poor Saikor here seemed to be sleeping in class and can’t seem to remember the lecture now,”
After a few minutes of Xyvan retelling the events in his slow drawl typical of those who grew up in the then-developing West Asian arcology on Earth back in the 22nd century, Saikor finally got the gist of it. “V Puppis? That system contains a binary pair orbiting a black hole, if I so remember correctly. Well, my guess is they’re dumping their waste heat into the black hole, so that explains the lack of infrared waste heat coming from there. Though that doesn’t really explain the lack of radio waves and other…”
As Saikor continued droning on, Xyvan, who was not listening and instead was going through the infrared images of the stealth ships, noticed something strange. “Hey cap’n, this seems weird,” Xyvan squinted at the display and replayed the stored footage of the stealthcraft for each of them.
Saikor stopped his droning and went over to Xyvan’s station, and so did Zan’ir, thankful that Saikor finally stopped talking.
“Huh. Right before the ships started their deceleration burn, there seemed to be a short heat spike happenin’...”
Saikor suggested, “Maybe they’re restarting the reactors?”
Xyvan shook his head. “Nay, the heat blobs appeared kilometers out from the ships, so it ain’t the ships themselves,”
“Captain!” Kallax called out suddenly. “This just in from DC-23-G again! This time it’s a general alert to watch for relativistic kinetic kill vehicles,”
Zan’ir snorted. “What? RKKVs? Wow, the first thing alien bastards do when they meet us is to shoot. How diplomatic of them,”
Kallax pressed a few buttons and then on the screen in front of Zan’ir a few hundred new velocity lines appeared. “I’ve just sent over the attached trajectories they’ve given out,” Kallax explained.
Suddenly, an alarm rang out. On the screen, hundreds of the kill vehicles changed their directions, as well as new velocity lines appeared.
“They’re course correcting! From the looks of it, sixteen of them will probably hit us!” Saikor exclaimed, a hint of panic evident in his voice.
“No shit, Einstein,” Zan’ir said. “Anything useful for the kill vehicles though?”
“They’re all stealth-coated cap’n. Can’t check the hull materials, though we can assume stuff based on their drive plumes…uhh—” Xyvan said, his characteristic slow drawl being replaced by a more urgent tone.
“From their exhaust velocity and acceleration, the computer thinks they all mass ‘round 350 kilos each…so if any of those hit somebody, at 18.75% c, half-em-vee squared, no relativistic calcs—” Xyvan paused to think. “—it‘d be an excruciatin’ 130 megaton-TNT’s worth of energy. Let’s just say it’d be a very bad day for those unfortunate enough to be in front of these things,” he said grimly.
Zan’ir could feel a headache forming in the deep recesses of his head.
I hate people who throw rocks, he thought.
``` A/N
Hello there, I hope you all enjoyed reading all that.
Feedback would be much appreciated ;)
BTW, do note that this is actually a chapter for a story idea I had originally, but along the way, I thought of another plan, which is something like this story, but modified such that the antagonists are your Soft-Scifi folks you normally see in space opera (so essentially, a Hard Sci-Fi vs Soft-Scifi story instead of purely HSF vs HSF as in the above chapter)
I honestly don't really plan to continue this story and instead go on to the newer idea, but if more people wanted, I might consider going on this route instead.
So yeah, I posted this because I wanted feedback on how I could improve the writing style, things to avoid, what I did great, etc, so that I could implement it in the other route. Also, damn, writing characters are a bit difficult, so I'd like some advice there too.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing this. Thank you, and have a great day! ```
submitted by wow_i_exist to HFY [link] [comments]

2023.03.29 23:39 tea_and_toast_123 Break up help.

I tried to break up with my gf today. Something happened and it was the nail in the coffin for me. After I spoke to her about my feelings, we agreed to a break but then that turned into an argument and then we said we'd just end it anyway.
I was upstairs packing to go to stay somewhere else. She was in floods of tears begging for me to stay and try to work on things. She then brought up that if we break up that she wants nothing to do with me (even though we have a puppy and id need to collect my stuff properly eventually). She'd also mentioned that without me she has nothing left to live for and she kept hinting that she wouldn't be around for much longer (basically end her own life), she also kept having aggressive outburst and kept punching herself, the wall and doors, smashing pictures of us. She then disappeared to the bathroom and locked the door, afterwards she admitted to trying to hurt herself in the bathroom with a shard of glass from a picture frame she smashed. Somehow it's ended up us being on a break and she keeps saying that I'm not allowed to leave and kept asking if I'll always come back to her.
Im not an expert in relationships and havent had many serious ones. We've been together 6 years. She kept saying that I obviously don't care if I can throw our relationship away like that and not wanting to work on thing. All we do is say we'll work on things and end up in a simmilar situation. We haven't had the best time for months now and I mentally can't deal anymore.
I'm struggling to even want to go back after what happened tonight, even if I somehow don't remember agreeing to a temporary break. I didn't realise she was that person. I just need to vent and ask wtf.
submitted by tea_and_toast_123 to LesbianActually [link] [comments]

2023.03.29 23:23 Johanna-Draconis Ep140 - Why didn't I see it earlier? (Denial/Forgiving yourself) - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD - Johanna Draconis

Ep140 - Why didn't I see it earlier? (Denial/Forgiving yourself) - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD - Johanna Draconis

Intro [0:00]

Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about a question I seen many ask themselves ”Why didn’t I see it earlier?” and having a very hard time to come to terms with it and forgiving themselves.
So let us talk about it.

Prelude [0:25]

We talked about Denial before, in Episode 37, where we talked about being in Denial about what happened. This is the next step, so to speak, where we talk about the fall out of that, when you try to to understand why you didn’t see it earlier.
Some discover their PTSD not until their 70s and look back and see how everything suddenly makes sense. Well most things. Especially the things you have been wondering and never understood have now finally an explanation.
That is something extremely rough to go through. The earlier this happens to you the better, for many reasons. But now the rose tinted glasses are off and you are faced with an often grim reality. Often others have pointed it out, but you couldn’t see it.
Now it can be extremely hard to explain how you couldn’t. How could you be so blind? To give a short answer: You did not see, because your brain didn’t want you to see it. And likely because you didn’t want to see it. Why would you?
It often means loosing something that is very dear to us. We protect what we hold dear even if it means harming ourselves. We protect them as much as we do the image we have in our head about them.
First we talk about the why and then the what now.

The why [1:59]

The why is usually mostly explained with cognitive dissonance, which means the brain gets information that contradicts the knowledge established and therefor rejects it. One of the reasons it is harder to unlearn and relearn instead of just learning something.
But that is not the whole story often, in my experience and what I learned is, that the far bigger factor was that I refused to accept things to be true and rather remove myself than to let this be the reality. Rather go away in a dream than stay in this new reality.
The more you love a person and are loyal to them - the harder to almost impossible it becomes to see the reality of it all. We protect what we love even from ourselves - and we try to keep this illusion alive as long as we can. It is just so painful.
Of course the same reason like the cognitive dissonance comes into play, that the brain doesn’t want to change things and change has the potential to kill us. At least for the instincts in our brain. So our brain really likes to keep up the status quo.
A new environment is just too dangerous and too high of a risk. Same goes for the group. Like I mentioned recently, while we can now survive on our own - our brain won’t deviate if avoidable to prevent loosing the group and therefor being doomed.
We can put others above us and work together as a team, but the downside is, that these valued group members also become kind of a blind spot. You can not be betrayed by your enemy - only those you trust.

The what now [3:49]

But what now? What can we do? If there was a way to avoid betrayal and having this blind spot - then it wouldn’t be one of the most feared things. We have to keep in mind, that we didn’t know back then what we know now. We grow every day.
Some more and some less. We can now do with ease tasks that were mountains ones and things that were unbeatable mountains are now just memories of the past. I would recommend you first just breathe. Most likely a lot was revealed and turned upside down.
Try to slow things down as much as you can and just breathe. It is not wise to try to take all of it in at once - that just overwhelms and knocks you out. Slowing things down makes sure you go at a pace you can actually keep over quite a bit of time.
It is also important to remember, that likely you would have acted on it if you could have. Be it either that you deemed it back then too dangerous or whatever the reason, you made that choice for a reason.
In retrospect everything seems obvious, but we never know what would have happened if we had taken the other path. In the end the ship has sailed… and most likely also sunk. Watching the horizon won’t bring it back and let you take it.
Not that this will make you stop trying. That is a different process with its own many problems. Letting go is hard. For future references - the brain drops hints if there is something not right and it is often wise not to dismiss it.
Not always a trauma, but usually always with the potential of being harmful to you. You might not be able to react in that very moment, but it is wise to remember what it was and then look into it once you have the time.
This way you can often prevent things getting worse or prepare for it. Either way, take it one step at a time at your own pace. As usual.

Outro [6:12]

That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful. Hope you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
More information and transcript you can find as usually under and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.
submitted by Johanna-Draconis to DraconisCPTSDarchive [link] [comments]

2023.03.29 22:51 RingoCross99 The Adventure Games (Section 3 of 4)

The Adventure Games (Section 3 of 4)
The Adventure Games
By Ringo Cross
(Chapter 2: continued...)
Luckily, I remembered where the room was. I led the way alright. Not because I was told to by some annoying bully, but because I wanted to. We all made our way towards the coffin room. It was in a corridor, at the end of the bunker, with only one other room.
The room was labeled “Mausoleum.” I opened the large steel door and turned on the lights. There were four unmarked coffins on the floor. I didn’t really think much into it at the time, but I did wonder why there were only four coffins and seven people. Not only that but didn’t vampires sleep in coffins? And if they were to have an accident, where would their bodies go? This was all a lot to take in. A thought came to me, I, I—
“Hey, jerkoff! Get out of the way,” Brock growled.
His insult snapped me back into reality. I quickly stepped aside so that he could get by with Aaron’s body. Roger and Markus rushed over and slipped the lid off the first tomb. Brock dumped the body inside. After doing so, he hunched over, placed his hands on his knees, and began to pant. “Damn. I’m out of shape.”
“Dude. You’re ripped,” I told him.
“How much do you think he weighs?”
“167 pounds,” Markus coldly replied.
Brock and I gave each other “that look” before we both shrugged his chilling comment off as a vampire just being his normal creepy self. He looked over at Markus, wiped the sweat from his brow, and told him, “I should be able to carry 167lbs no problem.”
Lisa took one step inside and was like, “Nope. Won’t be doing the coffin challenge.”
“Why not?” Brock asked.
“Too cold!” she shouted back.
“It is freezing in here,” I said.
“Whatever,” she said while leaving.
“Hey? Where’s the girl?” Brock asked.
“I’m right here! I-I don’t wanna look!” she said from the other side of the doorway.
Just then, right when everyone was properly freaked out. Right before any of us could really let the truth of what had happened sink in, the automated voice delivered another eerie message over the loudspeaker:
“Oh, no! Looks like you’ve suffered your first of several inevitable deaths! My condolences to the family. Ha! Just kidding. In all seriousness, please make your way over to the voting room in order to conclude today’s games!
For your convivence, the booth automatically unlocks after a fresh kill! Also, for your convenience, it is located right next to the mausoleum! You can’t miss it! There’s even a sign that says “Democracy” right above the door. Remember, only one person is allowed in at a time. Inside is a booth. There you will vote to see if you can guess who the killer is! If a majority of the votes are right, then the games are over, and you win your prize! If not, then the games will continue! Good luck!”
Chapter 3: Outsight
I woke up around ten in the morning. It was a tough go, trying to sleep after what had happened. Me and my bunkmate, Markus, had a long talk that night. Well, first, I made him swear that he wouldn’t try anything funny, like, you know, brutally murder me in my sleep.
The guy had a rough exterior, but he wasn’t so bad. It took a bit of convincing, but he eventually came to his senses and stopped assuming the worst of me.
I would be lying if I said last night was the worst sleep I ever had. I wouldn’t be lying if I said that it wasn’t too bad. It took a while to drift off. My mind just wouldn’t let things go. I was convinced this was a prank. There was no way Aaron was gone. And even if he was, it was a terrible accident. I was there. I saw the whole thing go down. Trust me... It was a fluke.
A killer amongst us? Nah, that was absurd. I told everyone as much and announced that I had abstained from voting. Coincidentally, I was the first to enter the small room and go into the booth. There was an option to abstain and that’s what I chose. I told everyone else they should do the same when it was their turn to vote.
We were all sensible people. Mostly everyone agreed with me that there was no way any of this was real. I made the sandwich he supposedly choked to death on but come on... sheer coincidence I tell you.
When Markus and I exited from our room the following morning, the first thing we did was hit the showers. The bathrooms were pristine. There was one for males and females, of course. The inside had a private section for showering and changing. I took a long shower and tried to clear my head. Hopefully today would be much smoother, I thought to myself, as I let the water hit my face.
Everyone was lingering around Roger’s room. When I got there, I asked what they were waiting for. Sarah told me they were waiting for him to wake up so they could see what the task was for the day. Brock’s patience wasn’t exactly the most stoic. He asked what time it was. I told him it was almost eleven. That was all he needed to know. He spazzed out and began banging on the door.
Roger opened it. He was wearing a wool robe that had his initial printed on the front. He smiled when he saw us, as if he liked the unwanted attention. Already knowing what all the fuss was over, he reached into his pocket, pulled out a sealed envelope, and without further ado, read aloud what we all were waiting for:
“Oh my, it looks like we have a riddle on our hands. Ahem. Here goes nothing: ‘Task 2: Even though I have fallen from grace, I have aged gracefully. For now, I leave flight to the imagination. And for now, all I can do is envy my feathered brethren who soar amongst stars and skies. I am free at the cost of freedom. We were judged by what was in the hand and not by what was in the heart. It would be a dream come true for us to all fly again together someday. For us to all shine with pride and purpose once more. We did not heed the hand of the Artisan, and like Icarus, we flew too close to the sun.’”
Roger placed a hand to his chin and thought it over. After spending a few seconds racking his brain, he shrugged and simply said, “I’m stumped.”
“Maybe it’s a mythical bird?” Sarah said.
“You mean like a phoenix?” Markus asked.
“Yeah. Or a griffon or something?”
“Nah. Too obvious,” he replied.
She shrugged, “Well, your guess is as good as mine.”
“My guess is Leonard Davinci,” I spoke.
“Hmm. Interesting,” Markus said.
“How is that interesting? And what does any of this have to do with figuring out who the Big Bad Wolf is?” Brock asked with a hint of mockery.
“Well, I think the riddle has something to do with Davinci’s flying machine. Maybe. No, not maybe. I’m sure someone has tried to build one in real life. If we can find out who, then maybe it’s a clue we can use to figure out who this imaginary killer is,” I explained.
“That’s stupid,” Brock said.
“I have to agree with Brock on this one,” Markus said.
“Whatever. Tch, you guys can crack jokes all you like, but I know I’m right about this.”
“Even if you were right. How do we find out without our phones?” Lisa inquired.
“You know there was a world that existed before smart phones?” I replied.
“There was? Yuk,” she spewed.
“Yeah, and we’d have to use this nifty thing called a book if we wanted information.”
“Like, whatever, I’m famished. Any of you see egg whites in the fridge?” she asked.
“You eat egg whites?” Brock inquired.
“Um. Yeah, who doesn’t?” she scoffed.
“I know right,” he chuckled.
“What’re egg whites?” Sarah asked.
“Sweetie, I feel so sorry for you. It must’ve been hard growing up poor,” Lisa crooned. She placed an arm around the girl in a rare display of affection for someone other than herself. “Let’s check the fridge. If they have any, I’ll show you. Oh, and they’re the best at filling you up without filling you out if you know what I mean.”
“Thanks,” Sarah said while blushing.
I blurted out, “Great! While you guys are off stuffing your faces, I’ll try to figure a way out of here. This is a shelter. Only makes sense for them to have a collection of encyclopedias lying around somewhere.”
“You do that, hero-boy. I’m late for my morning workout. Don’t bother me unless you kill someone else.”
“Whatever, dude,” I grumbled back. Then I looked over at Markus and asked him, “You in?”
“You go on ahead, man. I’ll catch up with you in the next life,” he uttered with drifting eyes. I could see that he was focused on Lisa. So much so, he butted into her conversation with Sarah, offering to help cook, which was received surprisingly well by them.
“I’ll go with you,” Roger said.
“What? Really?” I asked.
“Don’t look so surprised.”
“I’m sorry. I-I just wasn’t—”
“I’ve been to a place like this before. I know exactly where they’d keep an old pile of books.”
“Really? You have?”
“Yeah. Once.”
“That’s odd.”
“You really don’t trust me?”
“I’m leaning towards a no.”
The two of us made our way down the hall, past the sleeping quarters, showers, mini gym, and storage facility. During our leisurely stroll, I thought to ask him about his comment about being at a place like this before.
He looked over at me with a charming smile and said, “I’m glad you asked. So, not long ago, oddly enough right, I threw this wicked masquerade party in a bunker for this stupidly rich family of bluebloods.”
“Bluebloods? What’s that.”
“Humph. I forget you’re human. Look, kid, it’s a terribly long story, and I don’t know you all that well. Let’s just say they’re like royalty. They kind of run everything behind the scenes for... never mind.”
“For who?” I asked.
“Oh, look, the study!”
I found it odd and a little suspect that he was avoiding my question. It also wasn’t smart to be stuck in a room with yet another vampire. I hesitated, taking a step back. When he saw my hesitation, he smiled and gestured for me to enter before him. Reading my mind, he laughed and said that he might be a lot of things, but a brute-force killer wasn’t one of them.
I ignored my instincts and followed him into the room. If there was a killer, he was definitely checking off quite a few boxes, I thought to myself. Right before my imagination could really run wild, we heard a loud scream and a hard thud. We looked at each other in disbelief before rushing back down the hall.
When we reached the kitchen, we both stopped dead in our tracks. There stood the two girls screaming and hollering like there was no tomorrow. Sarah was pointing at the ground, but when I looked, there was nothing. Well, other than a knife on the floor.
“What happened?!” Roger exclaimed.
“Markus! He’s, he’s gone,” Lisa stammered.
“What? Where did he go?” I asked.
“He’s dead!” Sarah shouted.
“What? What do you mean he’s dead?”
“He, he got stabbed and, and, oh God!” Lisa cried.
“If he’s dead, where’s the body?” I asked.
Right before they could answer, Brock came crashing into the room. He was sweating and panting from exercise. The look on his face wasn’t pretty. He charged straight over to them and hollered, “This better not be a joke! I was in the middle of my work out!”
“What? No! No!” Sarah sobbed.
“Where’s Markus?!” he shouted.
“He’s gone!” she shouted back.
“This isn’t funny!” Brock yelled. “Nobody interrupts me when I’m working out, and I mean no one! The last person who did paid me back with a swollen lip!”
I stepped in front of him and said, “Hey, come on man. Chill out.”
“Why if it ain’t hero-boy to the rescue.”
“Pretty big of you to threaten a teenager.”
“What are you her knight in shining armor?”
“No. I’m just allergic to assholes like you.”
He shoved me out of his face with one arm, causing me to stumble back quite a bit. His strength caught me off guard. So much so, I quickly realized there was no way I was going to be able to take him down without a weapon of some sort. So, I quickly scooped the blade off the floor and pointed it directly at him. When I did this, he sneered and snorted, calling me craven. Screw it. I was whatever he said I was. I was tired of his stupid-bully-mouth and ready to jab the blade into his thick neck.
I raised the blade, but before I could strike, Roger dashed before me, and grabbed my wrist. I thought Brock’s speed and strength caught me off guard. Ha. Roger was on a whole nother level. I turned my head in his direction and noticed his fangs. He had this look... this twisted hunger about him. It was hard to describe let alone perceive. It was like staring into the eyes of your own custom-made predator. I wasn’t a person anymore. I was food.
“Knock it off, both of you.”
“He started it,” I muttered.
“And you tried to finish it!” Brock shouted.
“Give me the knife.”
“Fine, it’s all yours.”
When I dropped the knife into his hand, he let go of my wrist. While examining the blade, he spoke, “Now. As to your question. Yes, it’s true, his body disappeared. To be precise, it turned to ashes.”
“Woah. How is that even possible?” I asked.
“I don’t know. That’s just what happens when we die,” Roger calmly explained to us.
Brock stared at Sarah and Lisa, while asking, “And how did he die again, ladies?”
Sarah looked away and said, “Me and Lisa were cooking, and he was helping. And, and—"
“If anything, he was doing more flirting than helping. As if I’d date a vampire,” Lisa scoffed while looking down on the spot where he had perished.
Sarah ran her fingers through her blonde hair in frustration and angst. She pointed at the ham on the counter and said, “He was showing off his carving skills. I turned away for no more than a few seconds, and when I looked back the knife was in his chest. I-I don’t know; He was... he was just standing there, looking at me. He needed help—I-I... I tried to help! It was too late!”
“It’s ok,” I said before going over and comforting her. “It not your fault.”
“Wait. Wasn’t he a vampire?” Brock asked.
“That is correct,” Roger nodded.
“And vampires can only die if they get stabbed in the heart or brain, right?”
“Well, not exactly, that’s more movie logic than reality. But yes, something like that. We don’t die as easily as our human counterparts.”
“Whatever, so if that’s the case, you mean to tell me, he accidently stabbed himself in the heart?” Brock asked.
“It’s plausible,” I murmured.
“Plausible my ass,” he pointed over at Lisa and said, “And where were you standing?”
She folded her arms and rolled her eyes, mightily offended by his line of questioning. “What are you like, a detective or something? I think not.”
“Yeah, well, your good looks don’t fool me.”
“You’re such an ogre,” she groaned.
“You’re avoiding the question,” I told her.
“Tch, hello, if I would have stabbed him, Sarah would have saw me! And if she would have stabbed him, I would have saw her—we were standing right next to each other! Like, duh! What the heck?”
Brock backed down. He looked over at Roger and snarled. “Where were you again?”
“He was with me,” I told him.
“And what were you guys doing?”
“We were looking for the archives so we could solve the riddle. Before we could do anything, we heard screaming and rushed back here, same as you, buddy.”
“Don’t call me buddy. I’m not your buddy.”
“It won’t happen again,” I assured him.
“Hey! What’s your problem?” Roger asked.
Brock stepped right into his face. The two were eye to eye, staring each other down like boxers in the middle of the ring. “You didn’t like Markus, did you?”
“Sure didn’t. So what?”
“Why not?”
“Because he’s a bottom feeder.”
“Is that why you killed him?”
Roger took a step back and unturned. He shook his head in disappointment. I think he was more pissed with himself than with Brock. He let this stupid bully get him riled up with his stupid bully antics. I’m sure he could have easily slain him. Hell, if I was him, I don’t know if I would have shown the same level of restraint.
A-holes like Brock contributed nothing and deserved to be murdered in cold blood. I found myself daydreaming about wrapping my arms around his big, bully neck until the color had drained from his face and his miserable excuse for a life had flashed before my eagerly awaiting eyes. I fantasized about hearing and feeling him struggle to break free. Gasping, hissing—his feet kicking wildly, and his body bucking and thrashing; all in a hopeless plight to break free from my ironclad clutch.
I placed my arm around Sarah and told her, “You know how to play checkers?”
“Who doesn’t?” she asked with an odd look.
“Come on. Let’s go to the dayroom. It’s starting to get a little too crazy in here.”
“Strange...” she muttered.
“It’s not. I saw a checkerboard on the shelf. Let’s play. Tell you what. If you win, I’ll show you how to make the perfect smoothie.”
“Pfft, I’m not a kid.”
“Never said you were.”
“Ugh. Do we even have ingredients?”
“I think we do.”
“Ok. Whatever. Lead the way,” she said the last part sarcastically, as if I was being overbearing.
With a slight chuckle, I told her, “I used to work at a smoothie shop. My sister used to always stop by, and I’d make her these crazy monstrosities. Man... She loved that place, you know. She hated me for quitting. I had to move on. I was getting too old to be making smoothies for a living. So, for Christmas, right, I bought her one of those bullet blenders. She loved that thing. To this very day, whenever I visit mom and dad, she always asks me to make smoothies.”
Sarah wiped the tears from her eyes, looked up at me with a sad smile, and said, “That’s sweet.”
“Hey, Joshua!” Brock shouted.
“We’re voting for the Narc tonight!”
“My name is Lisa, thank you very much! And I’m not a freaking narcissist, for your information!”
“Whatever, lady. There’s definitely more to you besides vanity and good looks, nobody’s that dense to join for a blue check mark,” Brock told her before turning his attention back to the rest of us. I did find his reasoning ironic. I was thinking the same thing about his wish, and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.
Anyways, back to Brock’s stupid announcement. He raised his hands, as if to gain everyone’s attention, and then shouted out, “This time we ain’t getting it wrong! We all vote for the Narc so I can go to Malibu!”
“Screw you!” Lisa snapped before marching from the kitchen and joining us in the dayroom. She snatched the remote and turned on the television. I was sitting on the couch, right next to her. Sarah was sitting on the floor, right across from me. I placed the checkerboard on the coffee table and began setting up the pieces.
“Ewww. They don’t even have Netflix,” Lisa moaned.
I looked over at her with a raised eyebrow and asked, “Huh? Why would a doomsday bunker have cable?”
“Ewww. What? No! I said Netflix not cable. Who even has cable? No one’s that stupid.”
“I do. Can’t live without my ESPN.”
“Ugh. That’s because you’re gross.”
“What? How is that gross?”
She looked over at Sarah and said, “Geezer.”
Sarah covered her mouth and giggled. Then when I wasn’t looking, she sneakily made the first move. I didn’t care. I was confident in my abilities. I pushed my checker piece forward, and I told her, “Hah. This should be a walk in the park.”
She quickly countered my move and said, “Ha! Don’t bet on it.”
“Oh, wow, nice one,” I told her.
Seeing the two of us carve out a sliver of joy in a place as joyless as this caused Lisa to cry out in envy, “Ugh. This is stupid. I totally hate this place. I swear. You guys are so lame.”
“Oh, it’s not so bad, minus the two accidents,” I said in an obvious attempt to be optimistic. I didn’t want Sarah’s mind to start wondering. She was only a kid. Man... Her father was a real piece of work. If it were up to me, he’d be the one who was trapped down here, not her. I made a mental note to ask that shady agent, what’s his name? Ah, Agent Adams, why the hell they thought it was a good idea to use kids in their ludicrous experiments.
“So, Sarah. Where’re you from?”
“Maryland,” she sang.
“Nice. What part.”
“The boring part.”
“You feeling alright?”
“Sure. Fine and dandy.”
“You said it like you wasn’t.”
“What would you like me to say?”
“I know. Things have been a little crazy. Don’t worry though. We’ll get through this.”
Lisa cried out, “God! I wish I had my phone!”
She had the nerve to throw a mini tantrum, like a brat whose parents had taken away her privileges for the night. I couldn’t help but look over at Sarah with a loving smile. She smiled back at me, trying her best not to giggle at her bunkmate’s display of selfness. The more I thought about it the more she reminded me of my sister. I... I didn’t want to think about it, but I... I was just happy to see her light up once more. I could only hope my sister was feeling the same. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too long before I saw her again. I imagine she was worried sick about her big brother. Knowing her, the first thing she was going to do was run her fingers through my hair and call me dogface, like the mean but sweet little brat she was.
I tore my eyes away from her, long enough to tell Lisa that, “There’s more to life than social media.”
She glared daggers at me. “If I were the killer, I’d do you next for being so obtrusive.”
“Maybe Brock was right. Maybe we should vote for you?” I told her with a hint of laughter.
“Whatever. Waste your vote. What do I care?”
“You should take a more positive attitude.”
“I’ll start when you stop.”
I looked over at Sarah and smiled. “You’re the only person who still has a roommate you know.”
“I guess I’m lucky.”
“Eh. I don’t know if having a bunkmate like Lisa makes you lucky. I mean, you never know. You could be sleeping in the same room with the killer.”
Sarah and I both waited to see how she’d react. She didn’t even bother lifting her eyes from the television. Instead, she hissed like an angry feline.
Sarah couldn’t help but giggle. “I like you your funny,” she told me.
“He’s completely unbearable,” Lisa countered.
“To be honest, I probably won’t vote for you. I think you’re right. This whole thing’s stupid.”
“Are you going to abstain again?” Lisa asked.
“Yeah. Probably.”
“Yeah, me too,” Sarah seconded.
Chapter 4: Blindsight
The night went well, relatively speaking. It was odd returning to my room without Markus. I kept having these strange nightmares about his death. Every time I’d wake up and check the top bunk, hoping against hope, and confusion, that I’d see him lying there.
I probably got no more than three or four hours of sleep. The other four were spent laying around restlessly, racking my mind over how I couldn’t wrap my mind around any of this madness. If there was a God, now was his chance to show me a little light, I thought to myself as I drifted off into yet another one of those semi-conscious/semi-unconscious states.
Just thinking about Sarah put a smile on my face. I wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. While we were playing checkers, I learned a lot. I found out that she never knew her mother. She said that there was a woman, who was like a mother figure to her. She said that her father considered this woman to be the most beautiful person in the world. I found the way she phrased it odd, but figured she was just messing with me. Hell, a lot of things about this place were odd, or so I thought.
The rest of the night went surprisingly well. It was like Markus never existed. The only time it hit me was when I was alone in my room. After checkers, Sarah and I went to the kitchen, where surprisingly, we were joined by Brock and Lisa. We had a merry old time. I made smoothies for everyone, except for Roger. He had locked himself in his room with another pricy bottle of whiskey.
The good vibes came crashing down at the end of the night when it was time to vote. Brock had practically demanded we vote for Lisa. He harangued us with a barrage of threats and empty promises.
Whenever I pushed back and asked how he could be so sure, he wouldn’t do anything but brush me off. Even when I pressed the issue all he could say was, “It’s obvious she’s the killer.” And if I didn’t vote for her, “We’d be stuck down here even longer.”
Hmm... ok. That wasn’t really an answer I thought to myself. When he saw that I wasn’t fully on board with his harebrained scheme, he did what bullies do best. Pushed my buttons with reckless fighting words.
He had the nerve to ask if I wanted to go home and see my precious sister again. He told me it would never happen if I didn’t vote for Lisa. Then he asked Sarah if she was ready to show her father how wrong he was. He even asked Roger if he was ready to take his rightful place amongst the elites. He pushed everybody’s buttons that night, with less than eloquent speech about doing our part by voting for Lisa. We all tacitly agreed, less because we wanted to, and more because it was the only way to get him to shut up.
The voting room was very small. Only one person could enter at a time, or the actual door to the voting booth itself wouldn’t budge. The whole thing was a bit overboard to be frank. It had all the bells and whistles typical of any state-of-the-art security system.
There were eight buttons in total. Seven out of the eight corresponded with our images on screen. The last corresponded with the option to abstain. This had been my go-to button thus far. Only after pressing one of the eight buttons would the door automatically unlock.
This was why we had all tacitly agreed to vote for Lisa when Brock had schemed up the dimwitted idea. It really didn’t matter how much he huffed and puffed. He had no way to blow our house down. We could vote for whoever we wanted, and he would be none the wiser.
The vote failed that night. When this happened, Brock and I had a bit of a verbal spat. He called me out for abstaining. Things almost got ugly. He went so far as to call me idiotic and undemocratic. He really pushed my buttons when he claimed that I was setting a bad example for Sarah.
I tried to explain it to him, why I had been abstaining this whole time. Holding out on the possibility that this was all a sick prank to see how far we’d go. Call me naïve all you want. But I believed in the good of man... and vampires, I guess. I refused to believe that any of this nonsense was real.
What if two government agents, who claimed to work for a department you never heard of, and couldn’t Google because they toyed with the paranormal, arrived at your doorstep with an incredible promise to save someone you loved. What price would you be willing to pay?
All you had to do was enter into what seemed like, at the time, a very innocent event they aptly named the Adventure Games. Would you say no?
Oh. And trust me, I know what you’re thinking. “There had to be another way.” And you’re right. Maybe there was, but time was of the essence. My sister was dying and tomorrow couldn’t wait.
Sorry about that. It was just something I needed to get off my chest. Ok, so like I was saying, before I went on a tangent. My decision to undermine the process, by not voting for Lisa, like Brock demanded, really got under his skin. He ended up not talking to me for the remainder of the night. I was fine with that. It’s not like he was the most personable guy on the planet.
He decided to get blasted out of his mind on boozes. I guess he had had enough because he really let go. Everyone called it a night after that, everyone except for Brock. It didn’t matter, he could do what he wanted. We all locked our doors and hunkered down for the night. I did check on him from time to time, only to see him slouched in front of his door. He was singing and swearing like a lonesome sailor stranded somewhere on Drunk Island.
He blathered about having a ton of Navy buddies, and how he never worked up the courage to enlist. I would say we talked off and on, but that would be a lie. He drunkenly and wantonly confessed and professed to things I would consider nonsensical and other things I would consider mildly and surprisingly sensible.
The calm and quietness of the night was broken by an eerie scream early in the morning. It was so ear piercing and undeniable. I knew without having to think; something dire had happened. Someone else had died. I jumped from my bed and rushed out the room. The screams came from Lisa and Sarah’s room! Oh God, I thought to myself, as I began banging on the door like a maniac. “Hey! What’s going on?! Everything okay?! Hello?! H—"
The door opened and what I saw made me place a hand to my mouth in horror. Lisa was hanging from the top bunk by the neck. The sight was rather unsightly. Her tongue hung from her mouth and her eyes were wide open. Her frail, pale frame made to look like a Jack-o’-lantern swinging from the porch of a cloistered cul-de-sac.
I stepped from the room and gaged. Brock and Roger came crashing through only to be met by the same wretched sight. “Oh, dear God!” Roger cried out before swiftly exiting from the room. He placed his back to the wall and exhaled as if he had been underwater.
“What happened?!” Brock shouted.
“I-I-I don’t know!” Sarah screamed.
“What’d you mean you don’t know?” he yelled.
“I don’t know! I-I woke up and saw her like this!”
Brock backed off. His eyes bounced up and down as he studied Lisa’s corpse. After a while, he shook his head and said, “The guilt must’ve gotten to her.”
“That doesn’t seem right,” I said.
“Isn’t it obvious. She hung herself. The guilt from being the killer must’ve been too great.”
“Eh. I don’t know, Brock,” I said.
He came over to me and gave me a light shove in the chest. “Yeah, and if you would’ve voted for her like I said, we wouldn’t be stuck in this stupid predicament.”
“The killer could be you,” I said.
“Ha! Is that so, tough guy?”
“You’re the only tough guy.”
“What are you getting at?”
“Who knows, maybe the whole drunk thing was a routine.”
“Yeah. It was and I snuck into their room and strung her up while Sarah was sound asleep. You need to work on your detective skills, hero-boy.”
I stepped into his face. “What’s your problem?”
He stepped into mine. “You’re my problem.”
That’s when I told him, “I’m sick of your mouth.”
“Oh, yeah? Take your best shot, hero-boy.”
“Call me that one more time and I won’t hesitate.”
“Hey! Hey! Back off!” Roger cried out.
He swiped Roger’s hand off his chest and snapped, turning his fury and ire on the vampire. “Don’t think I didn’t see you! You sneaky bloodsucker!”
“What are you going on about now?” Roger asked.
“I woke up in the middle of the night! That’s right. I snapped out of my ‘drunken routine.’” Then he pointed at Roger and claimed, “Right before I went to my room, I saw this creep, creeping down the hall.”
Roger rolled his eyes before dismissing his accusations out of hand, “Please. I was getting ice.”
“Ha! That’s the best you can come up with?! You were getting ice? Hah! That grand suite of yours doesn’t come with an ice machine?” Brock asked.
“Oh, darling, if I wanted to kill Lisa, you would be the last to know. I may not look the part, but I do know a thing or two about hunting your kind.”
Bully laughed as if somehow Roger’s statement was a gotcha moment. Then the oaf treated our ears to, “So, you just admitted to killing people! Ah-ha!”
“I am a vampire, if you haven’t noticed.”
“Ugh. Whatever. So, you don’t have an ice maker in that killer suite of yours?” he asked.
“Apparently not, or I would not have been caught dead fetching ice from the kitchen.”
“Yeah, well, if for some reason when we all vote for Lisa tonight, like we should have done last night, and the game doesn’t end, we know who to vote for next.”
“Spare me,” Roger said with a contemptuous hiss before adding, “And the girl? What about her?”
“What are you going on about?”
“My money’s on her.”
“Hey! I didn’t do anything!” she cried out.
“I don’t know, sweetheart,” Roger told her.
“Screw this,” she said before storming off.
I gently grabbed her by the arm before she could scamper too far and said, “Hold on.”
“Are you going to accuse me now?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Then let me go.”
“Let’s hear him out.”
“So, you are siding with him?”
“I’m not siding with anyone.”
“Then let go of my arm!”
“Roger, you dirty rascal,” Brock laughed.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
Brock placed a hand to his chin and took on the role of amateur detective. After ruminating, he said, “Ok. So, let me get this straight. You think a scrawny teenager somehow strung up a grown woman—with not so much as a peep coming from the room, huh? I examined the body. No scratches, bruises, or other marks that would indicate struggle. The only bruising is around her neck from the makeshift noose.”
Roger glared at Brock. He didn’t even bother to respond, instead he looked over at her and said, “Sarah, my darling, may we see your hands?”
“For what?” she asked.
“To see if there are any marks.”
She raised her arms without flinching. That age-old teenage defiance oozed from her voice when she asked, “And why would there be any scratches?”
Roger frowned. He looked at her with a suspicious eye and said, “Thank you.”
“Whatever,” she muttered before storming off. I could hear her mumbling invectives to herself as she made her way down the hall.
“Ok! Great! So, we’re all voting for Lisa this time?” Brock announced.
“Wait. Can we vote for a dead person? And if we do, does that even count?” I asked.
“Uh, why wouldn’t it? I’m sure we can vote for Aaron, or Markus too if we wanted—their names still appear on the screen when you vote, right?”
“Yeah, but they could be trying to throw us off.”
“Can you just vote for Lisa this time, pal? I’m trying to get the hell out of here.”
“Sure. What’s the task for today?” I asked.
“The what?” he asked with a flustered expression.
“You know? The daily task or whatever. Last time it was a riddle that we never solved.”
Brock threw up his hands and then began making his way down the hall. “I’m done with this.”
“Let’s at least put Lisa’s body in the tomb. Then we can all head to the kitchen.”
“Sure. Why not,” he grumbled back.
“Hey, Roger, can you read the task for today—we did get another card, right?”
He snagged the red envelope that was sticking out of the front pocket of his fluffy wool robe and waved it back and forth, saying, “Already one step ahead of you.”
Brock glared at him. I could tell that his suspicion had firmly settled on Roger. I knew what he was thinking because I was thinking the exact same thing. Why was he given the grand room while the rest of us were forced to sleep on bunkbeds? What was he hiding? Why was he assigned the job of reading the task cards? If there was a killer, did they want to make it so obvious as to lull us into a false sense of absurdity?
“You two go on ahead. I’ll take her body to the burial room,” Roger spoke. His voice was a bit raspier than usual. I noticed because the timbre stabbed into my thoughts, helping the conspiracy locomotive in my head gather a good head of steam. And with that, all I could do was utter, “Uh, ok?” in response.
He winked, and said, “I’ll be quick.”
Brock wasn’t having it. He stopped dead in his tracks, turned around, and said, “Anything, you’d like to confess while you’re at it?”
“I’m not going to drink from her corpse if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m a vampire not a ghoul. And besides, feeding on stale blood won’t help any. If anything, it’ll only make my carvings that much worse.”
“Uh... Ok...” I muttered.
He walked over and gave me a pat on the back. “You’re overthinking it. It’ll be faster this way. I can use my unholy talents to dispose of her body much faster than the two of you combined.”
“Thanks,” I murmured before looking over at Brock to make sure he was hearing what I was hearing.
“Freak,” he uttered aloud before walking away.
This was one of those moments where I shrugged and followed Brock. He looked back when he saw me and just shook his head in disappointment. As if I was the reason we were stuck down here. God. If there was a killer and it wasn’t Lisa, I hope they got rid of this jerk next. It was a crude thought for a crude man, I thought to myself as I watched him run over and tap Sarah on the shoulder. When she looked back, he pretended like it wasn’t him. I guess teasing her was his way of trying to cheer her up. He also reminded her to vote for Lisa, so we could all go home for the umpteenth time.
She wiped the tears from her eyes and nodded innocently. I walked over to make sure everything was okay. When Brock saw this, he threw his hands up and told me, “Chill bro, I wasn’t doing anything.”
“Yeah. Sure you weren’t,” I scoffed.
“I know she’s like a sister to you. But you’re not the only one who can talk to her, you know.”
“I never said I was.”
He tapped her on the shoulder again and said, “Hey, sorry about Roger back there. Accusing you of murder. To be honest, I’m starting to think he’s the killer.”
“Thanks,” she muttered.
“Tell you what, I’ll make you guys breakfast.”
“Wow? Where’s the real Brock?” I asked.
“Whatever. You’re not the only one who used to work in the food industry. My first job, well, more like my first and a half job was at IHOP.”
“What’s a first and a half job?” Sarah asked.
“It’s a long story,” he said while making his way over to the fridge. “Any requests?”
“Nope,” we both said.
“Great, I’ll see if we have the ingredients for a few omelets.”
“What about Roger?” I asked.
My question almost ruined his jovial mood. He turned around and gave me an ugly scowl. “Roger can F off.”
“That’s mean,” Sarah said.
“He’s a vampire. He doesn’t need to eat.”
“I think he does actually,” I said.
“No, he doesn’t. That’s stupid.”
“Dude,” I uttered in frustration.
“What? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“They’ve both been eating this whole time. Markus was in the kitchen, helping Lisa and Sarah when he died.”
submitted by RingoCross99 to u/RingoCross99 [link] [comments]

2023.03.29 22:50 FirkinHill About 5 hours in...

I started OW for the third time today, my first two attempts didn't last long as I just couldn't get into it, but I'm now about 5 hours in and want to give it a proper chance this time.
I've explored much of the twins and spent a while on a couple of others. I haven't come across anything that puzzley yet though, I've spent most of my time exploring and reading messages and have a fair number of 'items' logged now.
I played, and completed, The Witness a while ago but I had a big discovery moment ruined (my own fault) and hate that every time I think about it so I'm not looking for any hints or spoilers etc. I haven't read anything in this subreddit for fear of doing the same with OW. I'm hoping to get whatever eureka moments that exist in OW on my own to make up for that Witness tragedy.
I'm feeling the game is 'ok' at the moment and want to continue playing it but should I have seen or done anything in these first few hours that was supposed to grab my attention and make me not want to switch it off? I'll play again tomorrow for sure to see where it goes next but I think I may be missing something. I want to know that I have so much to look forward to but also appreciate that this kind of game isn't for everyone.
submitted by FirkinHill to outerwilds [link] [comments]

2023.03.29 22:10 moozuba Self-Doubt and Feeling Like a Failure

Hiya. I'm a recent addition to this community and have been reading and thinking about a lot of stuff as I work through my own complex feelings toward Christianity, evangelicalism, and evangelicals in general. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for with this post. Support, maybe? Reading recommendations? The knowledge that I put my thoughts into words and didn't get guilted about it until I broke down in tears? Maybe just confirmation that I'm not insane? Or alone?
Background: I'm a former pastor and still consider myself a Christian but I'm not part of any church right now and am so thoroughly disgusted with American evangelicalism on the whole that I'm not sure I'll set foot in a church again any time soon (if ever). This is relevant. No judgment to anyone who has walked away entirely or is unsure of their beliefs. I'd still value your input. Just want you to know where I'm coming from.
Intrusive Thought #1: Evangelistic Failure
The fellowship I grew up in emphasized evangelism and conversion even more than most (Church of Christ, fwiw). I grew up with a clear message about the necessity of evangelism and "soul saving" and especially (even primarily) baptizing folk. In my 16 year professional ministry, I never baptized anyone. Never had a convert. I felt like a failure. I DO feel like a failure. The sad/funny part is that one of the things that held me back from evangelizing/proselytizing was the knowledge I held even then that the churches I served were NOT the healthy, Christ-like communities they should have been. I couldn't, in good conscience, recommend that people join the church I served because in both cases the priorities and decisions of the leadership were more harmful than helpful to the congregation, not to mention new believers. I wanted to lead people to peace in Christ, not petty church political bickering and callous disregard for the poor and needy. So I never "won a soul" in my time as a preacher. I tried to show love through both my preaching and my actions but I never swayed anyone to convert... and growing up being taught that numbers are all that matter (not in so many words, but that was definitely the emphasis), I felt like a perpetual failure and cannot look back on my tenure as a pastor without feeling that sense of failure and inadequacy.
Intrusive Thought #2: Failure as a Partner
The closest I came to a "convert" was my own wife, whom I love with all my heart. Like, fairytale romance love. I can't even put into words how much I adore her. I'm not flexing or anything weird like that, I only want to impress how central she is to my life and my self-perception. I am incomplete without her. She wasn't an evangelical when we met. Not sure she ever was, really. She was raised by a Christian father, though. In my 16 years of ministry, she never made a public confession and never opted to be baptized into the fellowship I grew up with (having been christened as an infant in the Lutheran church), but she came to trust in God through my ministry. Then came the crisis of faith brought on by the Trump/evangelical toxic bromance of 2015. I was angry, she was concerned, and I ended up leaving the ministry for good as soon as I found another stable job in a different field. She's in the process of deconstructing/deconverting right now, too. And even though we're in mostly the same place, I... I feel like I've failed her. Failed God. Like all my years in the pulpit were for nothing. And even though I've distanced myself from my evangelical roots and the fearmongering and hypocrisy that I experienced, there is a part of me still that is terrified that I am (or will be) to blame for my wife -- a woman I love with all of my being -- being condemned to hell. This thought haunts me. My failure as a preacher and evangelist was one thing, but thinking of my own doubts and deconstruction as destroying her faith only to learn in the end that I led her to condemnation is torturing me. I would happily cast myself into eternal torment to spare her from the same. And even though I'm not really sold on the idea of hell, the fear persists. It's like a religious version of the times when she's driving late at night and I haven't heard from her in a while and my mind conjures up images of horrific car accidents and flashing lights and the Jaws of Life and if the phone rings I jump because I expect it to be the worst possible news. It never is... but the fear is real. And in spite of that fear and the guilt I carry, I'm hesitant to return to church. I'm afraid my anger will flare up again at a point when I've finally managed to move past all of that. But I keep telling myself that I should have been strong. I should have stayed quiet. I should have suffered for her sake and not made it so clear how I was suffering, the doubts I was having, the outrage I felt, and all of those other negative emotions that just ended up dragging her down with me. I haven't told her about this particular intrusive thought. I don't want to burden her with it because I know it for what it is -- an irrational fear. And yet... I can't seem to move past it. The fear persists. I have, however, told her about the last thing I want to share/unburden myself of today. To wit...
Intrusive Thought #3: Failure as a Father
This is the last of the three but it's also the most common these days thanks to grandparent intervention. I had the critical nature of church attendance and exposure to the Bible drilled into me from a very young age. I'm told stories about myself belting out hymns from the second pew at age TWO. My son knows the fundamental teachings of Christianity because he was just barely old enough to understand some things when I was still preaching. He still asks me theological questions from time to time. It's cute. He also, though, knows how anti-church I became over the past 6-7 years. My daughter really only thinks of church as a place to see her cousins and color pictures. She's only 8 and has no real understanding of Christianity as a system of belief or memory of me as a pastor. And almost every week I wonder: am I being negligent as a parent for not taking my kids to church somewhere? Negligent as a Christian? Is it fair of me to refuse to take them to church solely (or at least primarily) because I'm angry at the church for its hypocrisy and lack of compassion? When I was growing up, the roles of parent and kid were clearly delineated. The parents took the kids to church and the kids attended whether they darn well liked it or not. Three services a week: sun, rain, snow, or apocalypse. Now I'm torn between keeping my kids AWAY from potentially damaging or abusive teachings and/or behaviors and exposing them to the love of God and what it means to actively love others. Their (still staunchly evangelical) grandparents regularly lay on the guilt with regard to the kids not being at church and it makes me feel like a cruel and selfish parent.
Guilt, shame and fear were always the primary weapons of the fellowship I grew up in... and they seem to be nearly as effective today as they were when I was in primary school.
I appreciate you all and this subreddit. I genuinely haven't known where to turn in recent years, so it's been amazing to read the stories (as grief-stricken as some of them are) of others who have turned away from American evangelicalism. Conversations with the Church resulted in cookie cutter answers and half-baked excuses while my therapist doesn't really grasp my struggles with my faith as they relate to the church. I guess you could say that we exvangelicals are fucked up in a wholly unique way. But at least now I can be uniquely fucked up together with others.
Any guidance? Hints? Allegations? Things left unsaid?
Thank you for reading. Sorry for venting my spleen all over the forum.
submitted by moozuba to Exvangelical [link] [comments]

2023.03.29 21:29 Odd_Bus_9110 Recovery Story - Everything is gonna be ok

Recovery Story - Everything is gonna be ok
Today marks 6 months since d-day, my shrooms trip on September 29th that fucked my whole life up.
Fortunately, im ok now, but HPPD and anxiety really took everything from me. Before I get into the story, if youre reading this and youre really scared right now, please carefully read my advice in the next paragraph. You’re going to be ok.
I recovered from DPDR 100% in 2018, and I am now recovered from HPPD after 6 months. I cant say 100% because some slight visual things, but I can say my life is pretty much back to normal, and I am living my life as I was before.
If you want to recover, please follow this advice:
-Stop Researching. Find about 10 posts that align with your story and provide helpful info, then stop researching constantly. Go and live life even if its literally impossible. -Do a water fast. A 2 week water fast fixed 80% of my problems. Shouldve gone longer but I had to drive cross country for a move -if you cant do that, eat healthy (keto, paleo), and exercise a lot -Know that for a FACT, most people recover, there are a million recovery stories on here. Youre going to be ok. -Time. Time is your main thing here (and water fasting), the main thing anyone will tell you is that they healed over time. 6-12 months for most. -The main thing I want to emphasize though, go live your life. Drink with friends, go out for a movie, do what you used to. This will prove to yourself that everythings ok. You can do it.
Heres my story to prove how hardcore my story was and that anyone can come back from it:
I have bipolar and OCD. Bipolar undiagnosed until this episode which caused my downward spiral. Im on lamictal now for bipolar, which also seems to help out a lot with HPPD and DPDR, but I just started to I cant say.
6 months ago I was doing stand up and living in West Hollywood. I had a hot girlfriend and really cool friends. I had a fun life. Today I am living with my parents in North Carolina, girlfriend broke up with me (good thing in the long run tho), and im doing stand up again finally. This disorder completely ruined my life, but im ok now and im getting it back.
I had Just recently came off an extremely manic episode (drugs, sex, no control of emotions, crazy decision making). I had the summer of my life and I was feeling good. I then started to get really depressed and anxious, and my new girlfriend was in Europe with another guy (long story, check post history), which was making me anxious. She was doing shrooms that Thursday September 29th and I decided to also do shrooms for the last time that summer. I wanted to figure out why it bothered me that she was doing that, and generally why I was so depressed. Huge mistake. I drank with some friends and went bowling, I was really tired and instead of sleeping I took like a gram of shrooms, nothing crazy. I then had a super depressing trip and cried a lot. I slept for an hour at 5 am and woke up immediately having a panic attack. This was the beginning of the end.
For the next three months after that, I couldnt sleep more than an hour at a time (had SUPER vivid dreams, and id wake up out of my body), I couldnt sit still at all so I constantly had to walk (over 20+ miles a day, see the screenshot I posted), I couldnt eat, couldnt work, I was constantly at a 10 anxiety (this would go away for some reason at like 6-8 pm every day, no clue why), everything was completely unreal, I couldnt feel the right side of my body, my vision was completely fucked (VS, stretching floors and walls, starburst, light sensitivity, etc.), I was seeing shit out the corner of my eyes, I was extremely irritable and distressed all the time, I was so scared I was going crazy and I would never be the same again, I sobbed every day (something really felt wrong in my head which made me sob a lot), check my post history for more.
My first hint of recovery is when I visited home for the holidays. For some reason it calmed me down a bit and I was kind of able to sleep again. I went back to LA in January and started my two week water fast, this fast removed most of my symptoms entirely. Mainly, I was no longer constantly anxious and I could sleep again. This was huge for me. The fast was extremely difficult but it saved my life. I then drove back to NC and its been almost two months here. I now do stand up in NC and I go out with my friends, I even have a new girlfriend and job.
I cant say everythings “back to normal”. In reality recovery for me (and for most people, ive seen some 100% stories tho) is like a horrible car accident. Youll recover eventually from the physical damage, but itll leave a little mark on you. You may not feel as comfortable turning left at an intersection like you used to, but at the end of the day everything is ok. Same thing here, this changed me for good, but I am getting my old life back and im ok. Im just more cautious now.
Throughout all this I drank with my friends a lot which didnt make things worse I dont think. I did coke once which was a mistake. Generally though dont overthink things just live your life.
Please reach out to me with any questions you have, I am here to help. I know how horrible this disorder is.
Peace & Love
submitted by Odd_Bus_9110 to HPPD [link] [comments]

2023.03.29 21:01 pascal1245 Regretting telling someone you love her

I got so many problems in my head and i have nobody to talk to who i can trust. i have become very insecure and lonely the last couple of years. yes i still hang out with people but most of the times i am the silent guy. Only when i am drunk i am myself. I do not want to blame covid and the lockdowns it followed but pre-covid me was very different. I was insecure and silent but less. i think the social distancing shit was not very good for my mental health.
There was one person in my friend group seeing me "grow" because i became less silent. And she encouraged me and gave me compliments. But then i got in love with her. I kept it silent for around 4 months. And during that time we did a lot of activities together which gave me the impression she liked me too. It was the first time in months i did not felt lonely. And i had something to look out for every week (we come together at friday evenings).
Last monday i got her flowers delivered she was not home so it was delivered at her neighbours. on tuesday she received it. It had an anonymous note on it hinting towards a message i send her in a different language saying that i love her but i do not know if it was mutual. I got called by the delivery service asking if they could release my information to her. I said no but it sounded very concerning. Because i send it anonymous to her i thought she was freaking out or something and feeling unsafe. So after long thinking i tried to call her first she did not pick up. So i send her a text instead that i have send her the flowers.
She appreciated it but said she does not feel the same way. Today she texted me on how much she loved the flowers and that she is baffeld that is send her that. I feel so terrible right now. I am litteraly an emotional wreck at the moment like i spilled my coffee at work this morning. After i cleaned it up and i went to the bathroom and cried for half an hour. all those negative thoughts are coming back now. I feel like having no purpose only to go to work and go to sleep after that. I Wish i never told her the thoughts in my head were very happy because i thought of her 24/7. I really hope i did not ruin the friendship we had or make things awkward.
submitted by pascal1245 to offmychest [link] [comments]